


Stripped

by punkfarie



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 247,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkfarie/pseuds/punkfarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward and Bella both nearly lose their lives when they lose their first loves. Can they find a reason to live in each other or will their relationship send one of them over the edge? OOC, ExB, AH. Rated M. COMPLETE</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Bella's Point Of View**

I woke up to the horrid sound of the alarm clock. I squeezed my eyes shut silently willing it to smash itself against the wall.

Didn't work, I rolled over to turn it off. I was going to have to work on my Jedi skills...

Oh Damn, Jedi skills? Ok, no more Star Wars nights with Charlie. I just moved in with my father two weeks ago. It was by choice...sort of. Choose Charlie or therapy with some nut job with a God complex.

Looking out the window, I was momentarily confused by the complete lack of sunshine. Then I remembered I was in Forks, not Phoenix. There is no sun in Forks. Just rain, clouds and fog. One good thing about being forced to move here, the weather fit my personality perfectly. Well, that and no one here would question my need to wear long sleeves. It was frigging cold. The cold and wet of this place seemed to cling to your skin like a heat sucking leach, leaving you chilled to the bone. I hate the cold. I hate the wet.

A knock at my door made me lose my train of thought.

"Bella, are you awake? I heard the alarm..." Charlie trailed off.

"Yes, Char...er, Dad. I'm up." Damn Renee for warning him. Since I got here, he checks on me until he sees me dressed and in the kitchen. No way was I going to be hiding under my covers for days here.

"Will you be ok driving the truck to school? I have to get to the station early for a meeting."

"Yes, Dad. I can handle the truck." Ah, the truck. A red 1953 Chevy Pickup. It was another thing that wasn't so bad about Forks. My grandfather used to drive it on the back roads, with me in his lap. When he died, Charlie didn't have the heart to sell it. He kept it running all these years. Though the winters here hadn't been kind to the exterior, I still loved that frigging truck. It reminded me of a time when I was actually happy.

"Ok. I have a meeting with the principal about student curfews today. I'll see you at lunch." Message received, be AT school. Charlie wasn't much for beating around the bush. Most of our conversations consisted of a few words and an occasional grunt. He was trying though.

"Sounds like fun." I tossed the covers back begrudgingly and started to crawl out of bed.

"Alright then..."He was hesitating at the door. My dad may be a man of few words but his eyes gave him away. I could practically hear all the thoughts running through his head. "I'm so sorry Bella. I'm trying. Please be ok."

"I'll be home for dinner. Bye." I heard him walk away from the door and down the stairs, the squeaky floorboards complaining the whole way.

Shit. Charlie showed his fatherly love with actions more than words. Letting me drive the truck and trusting me to get to school was a gesture. He just wanted me to be ok, to be his Bella again. Too bad it wasn't going to happen, not in this lifetime anyway. I would return the favor; I would trust him to try to keep me sane. No matter what, I DID love my father. I decided to cook his favorite dinner tonight just to show it. I guess I show my love with actions too. Hmph, who would have guessed; like father, like daughter.

Getting  _ready_ for school was always the easiest part of my day. My wardrobe never strayed far from basic t-shirt and jeans. Oh there were occasional changes of hues and some were V neck while others were not. My hair was too thick and long for me to attempt anything with it, even if I had the desire to. I jumped in the shower to try and force myself to face the day. I brushed the tangles left by restless sleep and vigorous scalp massage until it was smooth again and let it fall down my back. It would probably make life easier if I would just chop it all off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could hide behind my hair. That came in handy. A little too often. Looking into the mirror, I realized the darkness of my hair next to my pale skin gave me an almost paranormal appearance. As if I was already dead...

Shaking the thought from my head, I put on my Docs and proceeded to the kitchen. I grabbed my usual, pop tart and a coke, and headed out to the one thing I was looking forward to seeing today, my truck. It started easily and I only had a little trouble steering that monster onto the road.

I pulled into the parking lot of Forks High and realized I was early. Really early. What the hell. I can't even remember the last time I made it somewhere on time, let alone early, without a parental unit dragging me there.

At least I had time to mentally prepare myself for the day. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep forever, but I had promises to keep. Promises that couldn't be broken or it would break my family's hearts... again.

When more students started arriving, I decided I'd better get going before the entire student body was present for this debacle. I took a deep breath-getting ready to pull off the hardest and most unconvincing acting role of all time... "Happy Bella". That's how Renee put it. She thought it would be better if I acted like a normal kid. She seemed to think that if I acted like a happy teenage girl, then I might magically morph into one. Charlie agreed because he was still clearly in love with my mom, and I agreed because I couldn't take her looking at me like she had failed as a parent. The fakeness only added to my misery, but what the hell it made everyone else happier. Maybe my mom's deluded thinking would work.

So, I plastered a smile on my face, as much as I could muster, and walked into my second week of mindless days at Forks High School. The first week was uncomfortable to say the least. Being the new kid in a small town school is a bit like being Robert Pattinson in a room full of obsessed girls; everyone wants a piece of you. And a bit like being a bleeding entre' in a room full of vampires; everyone wants to take a piece out of you. Too much attention either way.

**Edward's Point Of View**

I was assaulted by the smell of perfume and it pulled me from my dream. I recognized the smell but knew it was at least twenty minutes before my alarm would go off.

Fucking Alice. She does this every day. I don't know why the hell I even bother with the damn alarm. Alice's eagerness was annoying enough to wake anyone up. My sister was way too perky in the morning.

"Wakey, wakey, Little Bro!" If I was a lesser man I'd be puking from the nauseating sweetness exuding from her pint size annoying ass. It is way too fucking early for this.

"Seriously  _Ally_ , you've got to stop calling me that. You were only born two minutes before me and you're half my size." I didn't bother to open my eyes or roll over.

"I'll stop calling you 'Little Bro', when you stop calling me 'Ally'. You know I hate that." She scrunched her nose up in disgust.

"That's not was Jasper says." I heard the distinct noise of something flying over my head and hitting the wall. Probably a shoe.

"You know, sometimes I really hate how close you and Jasper are. He tells you things a brother should never know about a sister. It's creepy."

"He was  _my_  friend before he was  _your_  boyfriend." I knew it was a weak argument. He was only my friend for a month before getting with Alice. It was just last year, after a few too many tequila shots, that Jasper admitted that he became my friend to get to Alice. Immature yes, but he was a guy, what the hell did I expect. At least he'd stuck around through thick and thin. Even after he and Alice were an item.

"Lame." was all she said.

I finally opened my eyes to see Alice standing at the foot of my bed, missing a shoe. I KNEW it! She walked over to retrieve the shoe then sat on the edge of my bed.

We looked nothing like twins. I mean, you could tell we were related, but fuck...the Hales looked more like twins and they were a year apart. However, if you were to spend more than a few minutes with us, you would know we were twins. We had that "twin vibe". We could almost hear each other's thoughts, frequently carrying on silent conversations. It freaked most people out.

"So, how was your trip with Uncle Carlisle?" As if she didn't know.

"Fine." The look I gave her made it clear, this conversation was over. I was not ready to have this conversation, out loud, or silently. "How were things here?"

"Oh, you know. The usual." She was lying, which was stupid because I always knew when she was lying.

"Spit it out, Alice." She was avoiding eye contact. Did she do something...wrong? No, Alice knows she can tell me anything. Plus my morals are a little more lax than hers, not many things she considered bad were wrong to me so what was with this dramatic pause shit. I just looked at her, waiting for her to get on with it.

"I made a new friend this week." Ok, now I was really confused. Making a new friend warranted a head -down-mouth-pout full-on drama queen episode? What the hell.

"You mean the new girl? I overheard Emmett teasing Rosalie about her last night, when he was sneaking her out. Something about how Rose might have some competition. What's so special about her?"

Alice started playing with her spiky black hair. A habit we shared, playing with our hair when we were nervous.

"She's Chief Swan's daughter." My eyes narrowed. "No Edward. I want you to be nice to her. I really like her."

"Aw sis, why wouldn't I be nice to her." Snarky as hell.

"Because you haven't been nice to a girl outside the family since the whole Tanya incident." The name gave me a sharp stab, not a time I want to remember.

"That's not true."

"You made Jessica Stanley cry." It was true but that bitch deserved it.

"I made Jessica cry because she thought she could fucking walk all over me like she does Mike." I sat up on my elbows and tried to stare her down.

Waste of time. She always knows what I'm going to do. She was prepared. The stare down lasted all of 30 seconds. Damn, does she have to be right all the time too.

I sighed, "I'm nice to Rose, and she's not family. Being nice to  _her_  should count for a lot."

She giggled. "You know, that's my best friend, your best friends sister and your cousin's girlfriend you're talking about. And someday she'll be family... twice over."

The thought of that made me shudder. I felt compassion for Jasper, who was actually related to her by blood.

She seemed in no hurry to leave, so I got up to get ready for school. I grabbed the clothes that looked cleanest off the floor and went into my bathroom.

"Her name is Bella." She said though the door. I knew what she was trying to pull. Rolling my eyes, I finished up my morning ritual and went back to the bedroom. Alice gave my clothes a once over. A look of disgust came over her face.

"You'd think being related to me would give you some fashion sense, but no, you're completely devoid. Well at least you and Bella seem to have something in common." Leave it to Alice to find a silver lining in  _any_  cloud, even if it's dark and stormy and ready to strike her dead.

"Alice. Knock. it. off." Ok, this was starting to piss me off. She knew better.

"Edward, look." She gave my arm a gently squeeze and her eyes turned serious. "I'm not trying to push anything. You don't have to like her. I just want you to be nice. She plays happy, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She needs a real friend...not like that brainless Jessica who's been circling like a vulture. I just don't want you to scare her off. Please... for me?" I knew she was giving me the puppy dog look. Fuck. I refused to look. She's so short I can easily see over the top of her head, so I stared at my book collection instead. Two can play dirty.

Alice sighed. She hated it when I froze her out.

"You don't have to go back to school today. I know when I come back from the trip with Aunt Esme I..."

"No." I cut her off. As much as I hated to hurt my sister, we were  _not_  going to do this today. Deep down, she understood.

"Alright." She smiled weakly. "Hurry up. We can take the Volvo today." With that attempt to cheer me up, she gave my arm another squeeze and flounced out the door. Somewhere in the house I heard her yell; "Emmett! Get your ass out of bed, we're taking the Volvo!"

Damn. Shit. Fuck. School was already hell. I only went for the grades. I wanted to get into a great school...the farther away the better. Now I had to deal with this Bella person being Alice's new BFF. Chief Swan's daughter, no less.

This year was going to fucking suck.


	2. Chapter 2

**TWILIGHT & IT'S CHARACTERS ARE ALL OWNED BY MS. MEYERS. I JUST BEND THEM TO MY WILL**

**BELLA**

The school morning was tolerable, until English. Most people have gotten over the excitement of a new girl. Everyone knew my father, and his "get down-to business and I don't care about the rest of the crap" philosophy, so they easily accepted my lack of conversational skills. I never went out of my way to strike up conversations, but would join in if they were directed at me. All the while sporting my "Happy Bella" façade. I knew how small towns worked, word traveled fast. If I was too antisocial, it would get back to Charlie, who would report to Renee, who would freak out and my life exponentially more miserable. I don't think I could live through it. I already received weekly prodding's to "try harder" prompted by Charlie's reports of no girlie sleepovers or shopping excursions.

"ALICE!" all the boys rushed to the petite girl making her way into the classroom. Like a flock of birds converging on a stray French fry, the boys all fought for her attention but nearly knocked her over in the process. Elegantly she regained her ballerina-like posture and calmly waited, head cocked to the side and palm in the air, for them to make an aisle for her to proceed through to her seat. They were asking her a billion questions at once, all about someone named Emmett.

She made her way through the crowd; politely deflecting all inquires. Alice had to be one of the nicest people I had met since moving here. She didn't ambush me on my first day, unlike everyone else. She just looked at me sympathetically and smiled. I couldn't help thinking she looked like a pixie, or an angle, or some odd combination of the two. But heavenly beautiful either way. When I finally had a moment of peace from the hoard, she came over nonchalantly and introduced herself with a simple, "I'm Alice." I'd seen her around school though before that; her energy level was usually about equal with the energizer bunny on crack. But whenever she would talk to me, she seemed to mellow herself. It made me slightly uncomfortable. Almost like she could see through my act. And we couldn't have that.

Once she made her way through the Football-mad-high-school-boy inquisition, she sat down next to me with grace not usually seen in an irritated teenage girl. "Ugh. I hate football season. I'm so glad its Emmett's last year. Never again will I have to relay the details of his diet, workout schedule and sleeping habits to a gaggle of testosterone crazed hormone jockeys." I just stared back with a blank look on my face. "Oh, Em…I mean Emmett is my cousin. The big guy" Alice tightened up her biceps like a body builder, "with dark hair? Every time there is a big game, people are always bugging me to see if he's ready. So freaking annoying. Of course he's ready to knock the sense out of someone. He was born ready I think." She rolled her eyes and giggled. Her laugh was infectious; I actually cracked a real smile. A  _real_  smile. I was starting to genuinely like her.

""Hey, if you…."

"BELLA!" Alice was interrupted by a whiny, high pitched voice. I looked up to see a huge mess of curly brown hair and enough makeup for a Broadway play pushing her way through the crowd like an enraged rhinoceros; Jessica Stanley. It was clear she did not have the same effect on the crowd as Alice did. When she stopped to wait for everyone to move, hands on her hips and a snarl on her lips, no one even noticed. After standing there for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time shifting from side to side, Jessica finally just pushed her way rudely through the bodies making her way to where Alice and I were sitting.

"Bella, oh my Gawd! I'm so glad I got transferred from fifth hour to this class! Now we have a class together!"I swear I must have looked like a deer in headlights, but Jessica rushed on. "So, my mother works at the bank, and she overheard your father talking about how you were still waiting for you mother to send the rest of your clothes. That got me thinking, I should take you shopping! A girl can never have too many clothes, and…" her eyes rolled over my outfit and her nose crinkled, "you clearly need my expertise. It'll be so much fun. I will get you in style. You'll have all the Forks boys chasing you then! After me of course." She tried to smile in a seductive way, but it looked more like an evil clown smile. Alice was desperately trying not to burst into laughter; I could see her biting her lip out of the corner of my eye.

"Umm, thanks, but I'm not really…"

"Oh don't worry about a thing!" Damn! Can a person actually  **complete**  a sentence around this chic? "Charlie is great friends with my mom, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I kidnapped you for a day!" Charlie wasn't great friends with anyone. "I'm so excited!" She squealed…she actually squealed. Thank God, Mr. Berty walked in, because I was starting to feel the need to throw up. "We'll work out the details at lunch." With a flip of her hair, she turned and walked to her desk that, by some miracle, was across the room. Everyone was staring at me. Some with a look of renewed interest, and some with a look of pity. I blushed furiously and started to sink down in my chair. So much for invisible.

As Mr. Berty droned on about Hemingway, a folded piece of paper, slid across my desk.

_Don't worry. She's just doing this because her mom has a crush on your dad, and she's jealous of all the attention you've been getting. Jessica doesn't have a long enough attention span or enough brains to bother you for too long._

_Alice*_

The handwriting was neat but fancy and there was a tiny star just above the e in Alice. It was so middle school but looked really cute coming from her. I looked over at her and mouthed a "Thank You". The rest of the period passed without incident. After the bell rang, I avoided Jessica, barely, and made my way to the lunchroom. Normally, I ate by myself, but I knew she was going to try to trap me into sitting with her today.

I was so concerned with trying to escape, I ran right into my dad. I bounced back off his chest and stumbled backward. I hadn't realized I was almost running.

"Bells, is everything ok?" Charlie had me by the shoulders, catching me before I could fall… Like riding I bike I guess. He'd spent a good portion of my life catching me…..until the time he missed. He wore the all too common worried expression that told me "Happy Bella" better make an appearance.

"Oh, Dad, yea. Everything is fine. I just wasn't paying any attention."

"Ok, well. I don't have the time to stay for lunch. I'm sorry."

"Oh. Ok. That's fine." I didn't really expect him to stay and each lunch with me. I knew it had just been a warning.

"See you at dinner then." He let go of my shoulders and turned to walk away. Unfortunately, that turn put him in the direct sights of Jessica.

Goddamnit. Here comes piggy, squeal and all.

"Eeee! Chief Swan, How nice to see you! Did you come to each lunch with Bell? Awwh…that's so sweet! We were just talking about you." She was like a viper. Sneaking up behind her prey and striking fast.

"Jessica. Yes, nice to see you. How is your mother?" Charlie was shifting his weight. He was clearly as uncomfortable around her as I was.

"She's great, sir. Looking forward to seeing  _you_  again for sure." Jessica tilted her head and gave my father a sly little wink that made my stomach turn. Charlie looked sharply away…maybe his stomach couldn't handle it either. "Has Bell told you that great news? I've decided to take her shopping! Port Angeles, this weekend. Won't that be great? I think she really needs to get out of the house. Don't you? I haven't seen her around town since she got here!" This was all rushed out her mouth in a single breath. I'm pretty sure Charlie only caught every other word; he had a look of utter confusion on his face, or maybe it was indigestion.

"Umm, Jessica, I don't think…"

"Oh don't worry about a thing! I will drive of course. It's going to be so much fun!" She was getting ready to do that damn squealing thing, I could feel it coming. I was going to have to sacrifice myself to end this.

"Dad, umm, I guess we're going on Saturday. Right…Jess?"I really hoped my smile looked real because it was fake as hell. "It'll be fun." My poor dad, He had no idea what the hell was going on. He just wanted out. I don't think his police training covered obnoxious teenage girls.

"Bella, if you really want to go…" Charlie paused and looked at me with one eyebrow raised and one lowered the way people do when they don't know whether to play along or cause a fuss "…I guess that would be ok."

"EEEK! I'm so happy!" and there it is, the squeal we'd all been  **not**  waiting for. "Bella, let's go plan all the stores we're going to hit! Oh… I have to figure what colors are good for you. I wonder if you're a fall or winter? With that complexion, definitely not a winter, you'd blend straight into the white walls." She started pulling my arm towards a table in the middle of the lunchroom. "Bye Chief Swan!"

I looked over my shoulder and waved at Charlie, who just looked utterly relieved that the conversation had ended. I sat through the rest of lunch trying to tune out Jessica who was talking non-stop  _to_  me,  _about_  me. She analyzed my clothes, my hair, my make-up or lack thereof, and my horrid lack of style. When she was done with that she babbled on about what stores are in Port Angeles, and what colors wouldn't wash me out, and some other crap that I couldn't even comprehend…it seemed like the woman didn't even  _need_  air. I only had to give an occasional, "uh huh" and she was content to continue her squawking. Her friend with the weird haircut, Lori…Laura….Lauren, that's it Lauren, was apparently going with us as well. Wonderful. I looked around the room and locked eyes with Alice. She mouthed "Sorry!" and I responded with a weak smile. She was sitting with a very nice looking blonde guy, who had his arm around her shoulders. The two of them looked like they came straight out of a trendy magazine. Either one could have easily been a famous movie star or even a model. She was leaning into him, and seemed very comfortable. The blonde guy was having what looked like an intense conversation with a big guy across the table. That must be her cousin, Emmett. Even from the back I could tell that Emmett was very athletic. He had broad shoulders, a thick back and very muscular arms. I could see the sleeves of his shirt straining against his bulging biceps. Apparently he was proud of this because, didn't they make that shirt in a bigger size? Emmett was sitting next to a bored looking girl with beautiful champagne-colored hair. She looked similar to the guy next to Alice who took his arm off her shoulder and started playing with her hair. There was another boy sitting at the table, I couldn't see his face because he was facing away from me apparently looking out the window. I could see that he had wild bronze hair that was all tousled up going this way and that. It was the kind of hair that was both very trendy and intentional or tragically not. They all looked so happy, like they have never experienced real pain. I was oddly jealous of their obviously tight knit group. I started envisioning myself as Alice. That  _my_  hair was being played with. That I was happy and leaning into someone I loved. It was too painful to even continue the vision. It reminded me too much of before…I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

"Bella, Hello! Earth to Bella." I jerked my head to the voice. I had completely forgotten I was still sitting with Jessica and her friends. "Oh my God, Bella, are you  _crying_?" She curled her lip when she said the last word. As though crying at school was a social faux pas that she was not willing to be a part of.

"Oh, uh, no. I just have something in my eye." I quickly swiped at the offending tear. I was going to have to take better care to stay in "character" and watch my emotions. "I'm sorry; continue with what you were talking about."

"Wow, you are really out of it. Lunch is over, didn't you hear the bell?" I glanced around the room and saw that half the tables were empty. This was not good, I was slipping. Jessica just stood there, staring at me and tapping her foot.

"Oh. OK. Let's go then." Getting up after her, my feet got tangled in the straps of my backpack that I had placed under the table at the start of lunch. Before I could catch myself, I landed face first on the floor with a loud  _smack_. Flat on my stomach. If the sound of my body hitting the floor didn't announce my gracefulness then the sound of the chair screeching across the floor with me certainly did. I froze as I felt every remaining eye in the lunchroom burning my back. Neither Jessica nor Lauren made any move to help me. They just joined the crowd and stared at the feeble imbecile laying face down on the disgusting cafeteria floor. I could feel the heat in my cheeks from blushing and the bile rising in my throat. Would it make it worse if I suddenly gave the cafeteria back its lunch?

Two pairs of hands suddenly grabbed each arm and gently pulled me to my feet. I looked up to see the boy I assumed as Emmett and the blonde boy from Alice's table, towering over me. They both wore concerned smiles. Alice appeared out of nowhere, speaking so fast it took me a second to realize what she was saying.

"Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself? Is anything broken? Do you feel any pain? Jasper, help her to a chair! Do you need the school nurse? Somebody get the nurse!" she was flitting around me checking every inch for damage like a butterfly searching for the perfect place to perch. "Emmett, untangle her feet. Are you sure nothing is broken? That's gonna leave a nasty bruise, do you want an icepack? Did anyone call the nurse?" That last remark made her voice sound more like a drill sergeant then the angel she looked like. She looked so scared it was almost comical. This was not even close to the worse thing my body went through. More like a sweet caress compared to that. It was just a fall. It happened to me all the time. I almost laughed at her frantic reaction, but decided that would probably really hurt her feelings. I don't think I could be so callous with someone so considerate.

"Alice, I'm alright. Really, I don't think I broke anything. The nurse won't be necessary." For a second she looked as though she was going to object, but she relented. Emmett and Jasper let go and took a step back. They seemed to be waiting on Alice's OK. The girl with the beautiful hair came up behind Emmet and peeked around his massive frame snaking her arm around his waist, looking a little less bored, but not by much. Lauren and Jessica were still fixed in the same spot mouth gaping; looking annoyed by the fact I was getting all the attention. Those bitches; leave it to them to envy a face-plant in the middle of a high school cafeteria, the very incarnation of hell for most teenage girls. I sent an evil thought in their direction.

"If you say so, I guess we should all get to class then." That seemed to be everyone's cue as they all dissipated toward the direction of their next class. Alice gave me one more evaluating look just to make sure nothing was broken and joined the crowd of dispersing students. I started gathering my things, less my pride, when I heard the clicking of very expensive heels on the tile floor. Alice was returning to the scene of the crime. "Do you need help getting to your next class?" I could have felt really stupid and clumsy and so uncool that Jessica and Lauren would be hard-pressed to associate with me, but I didn't. Alice never made me feel that way.

I really wanted to return to the land of the invisibles, but after my face plant, I knew I was going to be the ungrateful star of all the gossip today. Lauren and Jessica had left, never even raising an eyebrow to help me, probably retelling the tale to anyone not in the room to witness it. God only knows what details they were adding. I'm sure by the end of the day I'll have lacerated my liver and lost an eyeball.

"Uh, I guess. I'm just going down the hall though." As much as I wanted to be alone and invisible I wanted to hurt Alice even less.

"That's fine. We're all going in the same direction then! She linked her arm through mine, and started walking toward the door. I wonder if this gesture was a friendly one or more of an attempt to keep me from falling again. I settled on the friendly one. "Oh, first," she paused then turned and pointed to each person following her. "That's my Jasper, Emmett, Rose and ...Oh, I guess he left already. Everyone, this is my friend, Bella." We all left the lunchroom as a group. Jasper was happily trailing behind Alice, Emmett and Rose bringing up the tail, making some sickening kissy noises. I think at one point she referred to him as her "monkey man." Ew. I didn't even want to know where that nickname came from.

"What class are we dropping you off at?"

"Biology."

"With Mr. Banner?" something flashed across her face, but I couldn't tell the exact emotion. I just nodded. "Here we are! Sure you are ok?"

"Alice, really, I'm not hurt." I tried to put on my "Happy Bella" smile and sound convincing. Now it was her turn to nod.

"Maybe I'll see you after school or something. See if I can run Jessica interference." She gave me her best Jessica-smile impression and I was smiling again. Twice in one day, wow, I really am going to owe her big.

Jasper wrapped his arm around Alice's waist and gave her a gentle tug as she waved good bye and they walked off. Emmett and Rose went in the opposite direction.

"Try to stay on your feet Bella. If not, I'll come rescue you from the tile in about an hour." Emmett called over his shoulder. He started to laugh when Rose shoved him away.

The Biology room was full already. I could tell by the voice levels that class hadn't started yet. Mr. Banner was writing notes for today on the board. I heard a few references about my fall, but I still had all my body parts, no exaggerations yet. Mike Newton was sitting in his seat at the table next to mine. He winked at me from across the room. Mike was Jessica's boy….something. Jessica supposedly treated him like her lap dog, and he supposedly cheated on her with anything that moved. What a loving relationship.

Being invisible is my preferred state of being but it does have some downfalls. It often means people will talk about  _anything_ in front of you. By my third hour at Forks High I'd heard some pretty gory details about their relationship. I think Jessica could write a manual on sloppy blow jobs and Mike seems to have some sort of school record for the number of girls you can get to let you shove your dick up their ass. I wonder if he made himself a plaque? He already tried his moves on me, my second day. Even if my whole world wasn't completely fucked up, his blonde pretty boy looks and "I'm-Gods-gift-to-women" attitude wouldn't have worked on me. He was just disgusting. Nothing, let alone skanky Mike's crotch-rod, was going up  _my_  ass.

As I was getting over the Newton creepiness, I noticed my table wasn't empty. My first week I was blissfully alone in biology. Mr. Banner had mentioned something about a lab partner, but to be honest, I hadn't been paying attention so I missed the who and the when. I saw an unruly mess of bronze hair sitting in the other chair at my table. The same bronze hair I had seen at Alice's table. He was hovering over the table, duteously writing what looked like the notes that were on the board. He seemed so focused; I debated on whether or not to interrupt him by introducing myself. A little out of character for me to speak first, but my Alice contact buzz was still in full effect. I think it was the fact that he had on a black Staind shirt that peeked my interest. Seeing him wearing my favorite band gave me a strange amount of courage.

I plastered on the Happy Bella smile, took a deep breath and tried to sound friendly.

"Hi, I'm Bella, your new…"

"I know who you are." He didn't even so much as glance at me. I started blushing, should have known better than to speak first. I just sat down and stared at the board. Alice buzz gone.

"Look,  _Bella_ " he was still writing, not looking at me "I have the top grade in this class, and I intend to keep it that way. I don't need you slowing me down and fucking up my concentration. I think you would do better with Newton over there. He's a little on the slow side."

"What, uh, what? Excuse me?" I was totally confused. It's the first time he's ever met me and he assumes I'm fucking brain-dead. What the fuck was his problem? He wasn't actually insulting my intelligence, was he? I might be an emotional train wreck, but I could still hold my own in the area of academia. In Arizona I was top of my class. I really  _did_  have plaques, not for ass-fucking, but for spelling bees, writing contests, quiz bowls, and honor roll every frickin' year since elementary school. I was turning beet red, a mixture of blushing and rage. Just when I got the nerve to tell him off, he lifted his head and finally looked at me. My irate rampage came out as a muffled "Hmph". His eyes caught me off guard. They were an intense green, and full of hatred. I had no idea what to think. I was frozen. No one had looked at me that way since Billy….the memories were starting to creep up, when the bronze haired asshole spoke again.

"Sit your ass down and shut up. I'll get the teacher to switch you tomorrow." He turned back to the front just as Mr. Banner started class. I sat through the rest of class fighting back tears with my hair as my hiding place. Thank God today was just a lecture and I didn't have to speak to my lab partner again. When the bell rang, he quickly brushed past me.

"See if you can manage to stay vertical without assistance this time." And he was gone. He despised me for some unknown reason, and I didn't even know his name.


	3. Chapter 3

**TWILIGHT & ALL IT'S CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY MS. MEYERS. HOWEVER EDWARD FUCKING OWNS ME**

**EDWARD**

So Alice's plot to butter me up by taking the Volvo that morning worked. At least that's what she thought. That car's my fucking baby. Alice knew it would cheer me up, and as usual she was right. It's hard to hide a smile when you start that bitch up and she roars like a fucking lion in heat. Power. Emmett tried to hide his grumbles in the backseat. I knew he wanted to ride in the Porsche, but who gives a shit about leg room when you can drive fucking silk. He didn't bitch too much, he understands how I feel about my car and even his big ass doesn't want to deal with me when I'm in a shitty mood. We drove past the Hale's house and a red BMW convertible pulled out and followed us to school. Rosalie and Jasper. A convertible was a stupid choice for a car in Forks, but Rose just had to have it, because no one else within 200 miles had one. That's because they all had a fucking brain in their head. Rosalie, apparently, did not. It rains here about 300 days a year and the other 65 days are overcast, not exactly perfect conditions for a convertible. She even talked Jasper out of getting a car for himself, so that his car pick wouldn't best hers. God knows how the hell she did that. Sometimes Jasper isn't the sharpest crayon in the box either. When I asked him what medication he was taking for his vaginitis, he said some shit about hating to see her cry. I'd say let the bitch cry…I wanna fucking car. When Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme gave Alice the Porsche for her birthday, Rose nearly made their friendship come to an end. She was a royal sulking bitch until Alice let her drive it. She thought she was hot shit but Rose couldn't handle the car and almost put it in a ditch. She was content after that.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed an old, ugly ass truck in my normal spot. I recognized it from somewhere, but I couldn't quite place it.

"Goddammit, whose piece of shit truck it in  _my_  spot?"

""Oh Edward, don't worry about it. Just park over there, its closer anyway." Alice was playing with her hair again. I'll just pretend to ignore it, like I assume she's fixing it for Jasper, but I'm still gonna keep one eye open 'cuz something is up. She should know she can't hide shit from me and it's annoying as hell when she tries. I parked the car and Rose parked next to me. Jasper got out of the car and rushed over to open Alice's door. Emmett got out opening Rose's door all prince-charming like holding his hand out so she could take it. I remained seated, rolling my eyes. As much as I love them all, sometimes their romantic gestures drive me up a fucking wall. That shit is the last thing I need this morning. I gave the couples a few minutes privacy before I got out of the car, becoming the fifth wheel. Alice had climbed up on Jazz's back and was sitting piggyback, big frickin' smile on both of their faces. Em and Rose were still lost in their own little world, doing what they do best; suckin' face and grabbin' ass. I glanced at Jazz's clothes and glared at my sister. He was wearing the same damn thing as me, only he had a different band on his shirt.

"You let  _him_  dress however he wants, but I get the frickin' third degree about how much of a slob I am. What the hell?"

"He's not related to me…and I don't like my brother wearing the same clothes I think are sexy on my boyfriend." I made a mock gag reflex and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Oh… so I'm sexy in my grungy concert tees and ripped jeans am I? I'll remember that the next time you ask me to dress up for a school dance." He made his voice go high in his best Alice impression, "but honey, you look so sexy in a tux, like James Bond!"His voice dropped down to lower than his normal tone "But baby, look I have my Stone Sour t-shirt on". Jasper started laughing. Alice seemed like she was at a loss for words, which was rare, but she recovered quickly.

"What's a girl to do? You're just so damn fine! You make EVERYTHING look good…even nothing." She kissed his ear. He growled in approval. Ugh. I needed to leave.

"That's all my stomach can take; I'll see you guys at lunch." Walking toward the school and hoping it would do its job and keep me preoccupied for a while, I glanced at that truck out of the corner of my eye. Where the hell did I know it from? It was really pissing me off. It was just a parking spot, why the hell was I getting so annoyed? It's not like I owned the damn thing. There was no sign saying "Edward Frickin' Cullen's Parking Spot. Stay the fuck out!. I shook my head and went inside. Maybe I should make one.

My teachers were all used to my yearly trip, so they had given me the work for the past week before I left. I basically had it all done within a matter of hours, way before I'd even left. I hadn't missed a thing. Not like it mattered. I could probably miss a month of school, and still be ahead of everyone else. Only Jasper beat me in the class ranking and only by a fraction of a point. His father and Uncle Carlisle had competed for top spot when they attended Forks High, so they tried to keep the friendly competition going through us. The only way I was going to get out of this fucking town was if I worked my ass off.

By the time lunch rolled around, I had forgotten about the parking spot. I was crossing the quad to the lunchroom, when I saw the back of Chief Swan's head. I'd recognize that thinning pile of dog shit he calls a hairdo anywhere. I'd stared at it long enough while sitting in the back of his fucking cruiser. Suddenly the realization smacked me in the face.  _That's_ where I knew that fucking truck from. That thing had been rusting away behind his house for years. I passed it every time I went to the hospital to see Carlisle. Why was he here in that truck and not the cruiser? I said a little silent prayer that some drunk asshole had hurled the contents of an all-night buffet all over the back seat and set my bag on the usual table. I walked to the lunch line to get a drink. I didn't have a death wish, yet, so I didn't order any food. Waiting in line, I felt eyes staring at my back. I turned my head and saw Chief Swan's eyes trying to burn me where I stood . That fucker. He better not be here checking up on me. I wasn't intimidated. I was getting ready to give him the stink-eye from hell when a small brunette slammed into him, almost knocking him off balance. He righted himself just in time to save her ass from hitting the floor. Ha, that's what he gets. His facial expression changed from loathing to distress. He was holding onto the girl that ran into him; he had a fatherly air about him all of a sudden. My brain clicked again.  _His_  daughter, the new girl. He dumped that truck on his kid and now she was parking in my fucking spot!

I got my drink, and headed back to the table. Even though I was trying to get as far away from Chief Asshole and his spot stealing spawn I had to turn my head when I heard a familiar sound coming from the spot they were standing. The only way to describe it is to imagine nails on a chalkboard being broadcast through a fucking fire truck siren. Loud and annoying.

"Chief Swan! How nice to see you! Did you come to each lunch with Bell? …" Wow, the new girl already made friends with Jessica. Yet another strike against her, why the hell was Alice so eager to be friends with this girl? I looked over my shoulder and saw she had a huge fake-ass smile plastered on her face. Oh yea, she really looked like she was in pain.

Everyone else was at our table already. I sat beside Emmett. On the other side of the table Rose sat across from Emmett, primping herself as she always did at lunch. I think she just like to flaunt herself in front of him. Of course, he didn't mind. He'd sit and look at her all day if his ADHD didn't kick in and make him have to go kick somebody's ass. That's why he puts so much into football. He needs the outlet. Emmett was in more trouble than me in school before football. Finally when he was near expulsion Uncle Carlisle diagnosed him with ADHD and started him in football. Once he could exert all of his pent up energy on the field he was fine. Big fucking teddy bear. Alice and Jasper were cuddled together in the usual fashion. I'd swear to God those two would be literally joined at the hip if it were fucking possible. They moved and thought like they were two bodies connected to the same brain.

Emmett was eating a huge amount of pasta sounding like he was about to have an orgasm.

"Em, what the hell is that? GimmeHeady Spaghetti? You sound like Rose is under the Goddamn table"

"I need to carbo-load for the game tomorrow! It's my last season; I have to make sure I go out with a bang." He shoved a giant forkful of noodles into his mouth. Rosalie looked slightly disgusted, but went back to primping.

"I figured out who parked in my spot."

"Jesus, Edward it's just a parking spot. Get over it already." Rosalie said with a bored tone.

"Yea, dude, it is just a parking spot." Emmett spoke through a mouthful of noodles. Of course he would side with his chick. For a big guy, he was remarkably pussy-whipped.

"Fine." I could still silently sulk about it. Alice kicked my foot to get my attention. She was reading me.

_Chief Swan…Bella's truck…Leave it alone_

I needed to be distracted, Alice knew it. She nudged Jasper in the rib cage, and he got a mischievous look in his eye.

"Hey, Em. I heard the new Coldplay song. It sucks ass." Emmett's fork dropped, his food forgotten, he started on his rant about how much Coldplay rules. This was usually an interesting argument to get into. Jasper and I hated the band and constantly teased him. I wasn't feeling it today though, and only half listened. I interjected a few smart-ass remarks but only half-heartedly. No real sting to them. Seeing Chief Swan had ruined my day.

"Oh look Alice," Rosalie pointed to something behind me, "Jessica found someone new to torment." Alice followed her finger and pity filled her face. She mouthed "I'm sorry", and I knew they were talking about her…Bella.

"Poor girl."Rosalie shook her head. Oh hell no _, Rose_  was feeling sorry for her too? I felt the anger rising inside me. I officially hated Bella Swan. Rose felt compassion for no one. What mind-fuck super power did this girl have? She seemed to have the whole school fucking fooled, except me. When the bell rang, we gathered our things, and I rushed to the door. I was still seething. I was almost out in the hallway when I heard a loud thud. I spun around; wondering what the hell could cause a noise like that.

I almost laughed my ass off; Bella was sprawled face down on the floor. Her new "friends" Jess and Lauren were staring slack jawed, not helping of course. The laughing came to an abrupt halt though, when I saw the panic on my sister's face. She motioned for Em and Jazz to pick Bella up, and rushed to her side. More concern for  _Bella_. I knew I was being immature about this whole thing, but I didn't fucking care. I'm sure that her father had told her all about me. Or at least his twisted version of me.

Fuck the Swans. I punched the lunchroom door as I went to Biology. At least Mr. Banner was happy to see me. I was his best student, without me in class last week he was stuck with the nitwit Mike Newton. All of his brain cells were dedicated to eye-fucking everything without a dick and plotting how to get them alone so he could shove his dick up their ass. At least that was the rumor. I don't know how any chic could let that idiot within feet of  _any_  hole let alone that one. I think he just likes the feeling of conquering them. Must be pretty fucking sad to have to totally dominate someone else to make yourself feel like you're worth a shit. Yeah, must be…

"Ah, Mr. Cullen! Glad to have you back."

"Hi Mr. Banner. What's on the agenda today?" I moved towards my desk, and got situated.

"Just a lecture today. Take good notes, it's going to be on the midterm." He began writing on the board. "Oh, I almost forgot, I assigned you a new lab partner. I figured you were getting bored by yourself." No, no, no, he didn't. No fucking way was my luck that bad. "Her name is Isabella Swan. She's new, have you met her yet?" It was that bad.

"No sir, I haven't had the pleasure." I said through gritted teeth. Mr. Banner either didn't pick up on my tone, or just ignored it. I would have demanded him to switch her, but the class started to fill up. Half of the students already thought I was a psycho; no need to give them more reason to think that, by throwing a fit about a lab partner. I'd endure today and sweet talk him tomorrow. She'd probably do better with Mike, being friends with his bitch and all. I started taking down the notes from the board, when I saw her enter the room out of the corner of my eye. She seemed pretty happy for someone that just made an ass out of herself in front of half the school. Bella walked to the table and hesitated for a minute.

""Hi, I'm Bella, your new…"

"I know who you are." I didn't want to make nice, I just wanted to make it through the class then get rid of her. I just brushed her off and silently told her what the fuck was up. I never stopped copying the notes off the board. Rude as hell, but who the hell cares, fucking Chief Swan can add that to my repertoire of bad attributes.

As I wrote I was still watching her out of the corner of my eye. She was shocked, I could tell by her blushing. She wasn't used to people talking to her like that apparently, not with Daddy as a police chief. She leaned forward, as if to say something, and I caught a whiff of something...sweet...something familiar. Jasmine and honey. The smell brought back a few almost faded memories. That bitch. How dare she smell like her! I hated her, I fucking hated her. Turning my head to fully look at her, I was slightly astonished at her appearance. I had expected a shorter version of Charlie, but with longer hair and boobs. She was nothing like I had envisioned. Bella Swan was pretty. Really fucking pretty. Of course she was, that just made my day. My temper was flaring.

""Sit your ass down and shut up. I'll get the teacher to switch you tomorrow." Bella sat down and luckily class started. It was hard to concentrate; I could hear her fighting back the tears. Well, my sister was right. I wasn't very nice. I made girls cry. It pulled at my heart, but I remembered whose daughter she was, and what she smelled like. All compassion was gone. I wanted away from her; I was packing my bag before the bell rang. As soon as class ended, I rushed past her.

I made a snarky-ass remark to her as I left. Preying on her unfortunate lack of gracefulness at lunch. Damn it, I couldn't stop myself. It was like I had some compulsion to be nasty to her. I was going to catch hell for this later. I'm sure Bella was going to run crying to Alice. Or maybe Jessica, no matter, it would still get back to me.

Shit, I stopped dead in my tracks. I hope she didn't run home crying to Daddy about the boy who hurt her feelings. That was the last fucking thing I needed. He'd be at my house in a heartbeat, and Carlisle would have to talk him down again. I needed to control my tongue. The rest of the day passed in a haze. I was worried that I'd get home and see a cruiser in my driveway.

I made it to the Volvo first and waited in the car for everyone, blasting the radio. Jamming to a 3 Days Grace song, I was so absorbed I almost missed the angry pixie glaring at me from the passenger window. Even though she looked like an angel she had one helluva evil side and I wasn't looking forward to being at the end of her pitch fork. Alice climbed in the car and never took her eyes off me. Emmett was getting into the backseat but when he saw Alice's face he quickly changed his mind. Big fucking baby. He was 3 times her size but one look and he backed away like a fucking scared puppy.

"Um, you know, I'm gonna catch a ride with Rosie. See you at home." He backtracked out of our car and sprinted over to Rose's car.

"What. The. Fuck. did you do?" Alice dropped an f bomb, I was in trouble.

"I take it the Swan spawn bawled on your shoulder about your meanie brother?" I started the car and drove towards home.

"Don't be a smartass with me Edward Anthony Cullen." Shit, the middle name too. Big trouble. "Bella didn't say anything to me. I saw her after biology and any moron could tell she was upset. She didn't even stop to talk to me when I waved to her after final bell. Do you  _not_  remember this morning when I asked you to be nice to her?"

"Alice, seriously, what does it matter? You think me being nice to her is going to make as all "besties" for life? That her and I are going to fall madly in love and then  _you_ wouldn't have to worry about me being a fifth wheel anymore? So  _you_ can stop feeling guilty about all the PDA with Jasper? Do  _you_  remember who her father is? The man put me in  _jail,_ Alice. He fucking campaigned to keep me there. He tells anyone that will listen that I'm a violent psychopath, I'm sure he's told Bella. He believes all the town exaggerations about what happened when Jessica and I "broke up" or whatever the hell we did. Even if I  _was_  fucking nice to her, do you think her father would let her be alone with me for one second? That he would even let me in his house? He'd have me in handcuffs before I reached the porch steps. Forget it sis, it's NEVER going to happen."

"Well, he likes me. He likes Emmett."

"Everyone likes you. He only likes Emmett because of the football thing."

"No matter, he likes us, and I want to be friends with Bella, and you  _are_ going to be civil to her or I swear to God I will burn your autographed Dave Grohl guitar." I slammed on the brakes.

"You wouldn't dare." She really wouldn't do that would she? "Jasper would hate you too; he was with me when I got it." Throw the boyfriend in. Wow, I was a jerk.

Alice sighed, "No, Damn it, I wouldn't do that." She sounded defeated. "Is it so wrong that I just want everyone to be happy? Would you really rather her be friends with Jessica? Have her turned into a mini skank? The Chief may not love you, but he's not fond of Jess either. He may have chosen her, between the two of you, but he knows her reputation. I don't think he wants to see his daughter passed around the school like a nasty cold. Please, Edward… Please." I looked into her eyes and they were all watery and there was a deep crease in between them. Shit. Fucking emotional blackmail. I guess she took notes from Rosalie. I guess I won't tease Jazz anymore about the whole car thing.

"Fine. I'll try." and I thought Emmett was bad. I'm pathetic. Can't even grow a pair of balls and stand up to my sister.

"Good. Thank You. Now could you please get us out of the middle of the road before someone hits us?" The rest of the way home we were silent, just listening to the radio. Alice leaned her head back on the seat, humming to a song. Her eyebrows scrunched.

"Wait, who said anything about you and Bella falling in love?" I ignored the question.

"She smells like jasmine and honey, you know." I said absently. Alice sighed again and stared out the window.

"You never did say how the trip went."

"The trip was the trip. The same." Silence the rest of the way home. Rosalie's car was in front. There was no ice today, she probably took the back roads at 120mph to scare Jasper and thrill Emmett. They were most likely eating dinner with us. The Hale parents both worked long hours and Jazz and Rose ate here at least four nights a week. Aunt Esme didn't mind. In fact, she loved it. She always wanted more kids, but after Em, she wasn't able to have anymore. That fucker was built for playing football from birth.

I parked the car in the garage, and we went inside. I could smell cookies. There was probably milk on the island in the kitchen. I chuckled to myself. Sometimes it felt like I was stuck in a Norman Rockwell painting, but I loved it. It was comforting.

"Hi Edward, Alice. How was school today? There's milk and cookies in the kitchen. Everyone else is in there. Better hurry or Emmett will have everything eaten." Aunt Esme was tiny, but not as tiny as Alice, slender and attractive but in a very motherly kind of way. She had the heart of a saint and loved all of us unconditionally. She had a heart-shaped face, with long dark caramel colored hair. She prided herself on her ability to take good care of us all, even Rosalie and Jasper, and that included making fucking fantastic food.

"Dinner will be ready at 6. We're having lasagna."

"Esme, where's Carlisle?" Even though Bella didn't talk to Alice, I was still worried about her talking to her dad. I might need him.

"Oh, he's stuck at the hospital. Is everything alright?" It was nice to have someone feel concern for  _me_  today, but I didn't want to worry her. The whole incident between me and the Chief had taken a toll on her too.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I was just curious. I thought this was one of his early days." She smiled, accepting my answer. Esme moved back to the kitchen to finish dinner.

Grabbing the milk and cookies, we all piled into the family room. Em, Jazz and I played Rock Band while the girls oohed and awed over fashion magazines. It was the typical after school routine. I was ok at home; I wasn't wound so tight here. I could let my guard down and relax. I had my family here, and they all stood by me when everyone else bailed.

After dinner I went to my room and gave the couples their privacy yet again. I was relieved no cruisers had shown up. I tried to do my homework, but I couldn't focus. Fuck, I was actually thinking about Bella. Her looks really took me off guard. I had pictured any daughter of Chief Swan's to have some resemblance to a troll. That definitely wasn't the case. I really wanted to hate her, and a part of me did. But I started to feel kinda bad for the shit I put her through in biology. She really didn't deserve it. It wasn't her fault her father was a complete ass-munch. I never even gave her a chance, not that I would have if she was anyone else either. I would have to be friendly towards her from now on though…just for Alice's sake, right?

I went to bed that night, dreaming about Jasmine and Honey…. Fucking jasmine and honey.


	4. Chapter 4

**TWILIGHT & ALL IT'S CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY MS. MEYERS. I NEED MORE COFFEE.**

**BELLA**

For the rest of the day, I hid behind my hair. I spoke to no one; Happy Bella was in the witness protection program. No one tried to speak to me either. I think they knew to just stay away. I kept thinking about my rotten lab partner. I pictured his eyes, and how much they resembled Billy's. Not by color or shape, but the emotion. The absolute hatred.

I pulled into the driveway not really remembering the drive home. My dad pulled in behind me. I wondered briefly if he'd been following me. Not like it mattered, where was I going to go? To another part of the forest, or maybe that wooded area beyond the forest, all there was around her was fucking forest. Gotta love Washington. We both went inside, we didn't talk to each other, but that was normal. We generally used the time between getting home and dinner to wind down from our day. Both of us rather enjoyed the silence. I made good on the silent promise I made to fix Charlie's favorite dinner and got started on the Chicken Alfredo, with mushrooms and carrots. In the silence of our after school/after work wind-down I couldn't stop thinking about those piercing green eyes. I kept seeing them in front of me. Every time l let my mind look at them they kept morphing into fatherly dark brown eyes…Billy's eyes…that hated the very essence of me. Every time they changed it felt like my body was in a vise, the tears begging to come to the surface. I had to keep them at bay. Charlie was in the other room, surely would have noticed his mentally unstable daughter blubbering over pan of Alfredo sauce. I had regained some composure by the time we sat down to eat; just enough so Happy Bella could come out of hiding, for a while.

"So… Jessica Stanley, huh?" Charlie wore an expression that was a mixture of confusion and humor maybe a little chagrin.

"Yeah. It'll make mom happy." He stopped eating and studied me for a minute.

"What about you Bella? Will it make you happy?" I looked up and meet him eye to eye. "I can tell Renee anything, you know." This shocked me, first because I couldn't conceive him lying to my mom. Secondly because I couldn't believe he said something so open. Actually wanting to know my feelings. I didn't know how to respond.

"No, Dad, it's ok. This is what I moved here to do, normal teenage stuff. Maybe she'll be different if we're away from school, and on a mission, and she gets to spend money….. and it's just us." I sounded like I was trying to convince myself as much as I was my father. It was a lie. He knew it better than I did. He had known her since she was a little girl.

"Alright. Renee should be calling soon. You should tell her; maybe she'll give you a few days break." He went back to eating, and I just nodded.

Charlie was right, mom called as soon as I cleared the table. She was excited about my plans with Jessica. We didn't talk long. I told her I had homework, which was technically true so we cut our conversation short. She spoke to dad for a few minutes, probably confirming everything I told her. While I was washing the dishes the eyes appeared before me again and I dropped a glass. It hit the floor and shattered. Charlie came rushing in.

"Bella! What happened?" He bent down to help me pick up the pieces.

"My hands were soapy, it just slipped. I'm sorry Dad" My voice was shaking. I was shaking.

"It's ok, it's just a glass. Are you ok? Did you cut yourself?" He grabbed both of my hands and turned them over palm up surveying my arm elbow to wrist, pausing slightly at my scars.

"No…I'm fine"

"Ok, I'll talk care of this. Why don't you go upstairs and start your homework."

"I can clean it." I reached for the broom and dustpan.

"No, Bella. I've got it." His tone made it clear this wasn't a suggestion.

"Ok, Dad. Goodnight then." I turned and started towards the stairs.

"Wait, honey" his tone softened. I paused in the doorway. "Did something happen at school today?" Shit, he had noticed. I wasn't about to tell him I was upset because a boy was rude to me.

"Nothing. I guess I'm just tired. It was a long day. I'm sorry about the glass. Goodnight."

"It's fine Bells. Goodnight."

When I got to my room, I locked the door. Renee had all the locks taken off of my bedroom and bathroom doors. I didn't really need to lock my door here, it was more of a "just because I can" thing. My homework passed along easily, except for biology. I busted my ass on that assignment. We'll see who gets the top grade… asshole. I eventually heard Charlie come upstairs and stand outside my closed door. He was listening, so I made some extra noise. When he was satisfied that everything was copasetic with all the paper rustling and such, he went to his room and closed the door.

Once I was satisfied with my biology assignment, I changed into my tank-top and unicorn pajama pants and crawled into bed. I reached my hand into my pillowcase and pulled out a small silver heart-shaped locket. It had a dove engraved on the front. I traced the engraving with my finger trying not to think of what it would be like right now without it. Renee hid it from me right before the move, thinking I would just assume I lost it. As if I would just chalk it up to a "lost item" and walk away. I swear my mom wasn't too bright sometimes. It would be easier to walk away and leave my own arm. I noticed it was gone almost immediately. I could almost  _feel_  its absence before I ever saw it wasn't there. She didn't hide it very well, so I just waited until the day my plane left and snatched it up. She probably hadn't noticed it was gone yet. Charlie hasn't said anything about it, and my room never looked like he came in here to look for anything.

I just laid there and clutched the locket in my fist. The green eyes were gone now; it was just the hard brown eyes. They bored into my soul accusingly. Right before I broke down, they were joined by a softer set of brown eyes looking at me with love and tenderness overshadowing the harshness and making me feel comforted. These hallucinations were a new addition to my nightly ritual. It had been the same for almost a year: I threw my hair into a ponytail, put on my pajamas, climbed into bed, and grabbed the locket from my pillowcase. There were never any changes, until now. I had to hold that necklace; it was the only way I could dream of him. The good dreams anyway. The terrifying nightmares came on their own, no matter what I did.

Tonight it was different. I couldn't relax, the locket felt odd in my hand, it made me panic a little. My locket was my one concrete tie to the life I used to have, a happy life. In one short year, I went from actually  _being_  Happy Bella to barely being able to  _pretend_  I was. My life had been completely turned upside down and inside out. I know some people get anxious about their birthday, like when they turn 30 or 40, but not when they turn 18. My impending birthday didn't have me anxious; it had me near an emotional breakdown. I had no idea how I was going to handle that day. It was only a few short weeks away. No faking a personality that day. I had no idea what Charlie had planned, but it better include me skipping school.

I had a moment of weakness. I let myself give in and just remember that night, the smile on his face, the light kisses he placed on my eyelids, his hand warm in mine. He was so excited that he had saved enough money to get me the locket. His whole face beamed with pride and anticipation as he kissed the back of my hand and slipped it into my palm. It brought tears to my eyes, tears that came with vengeance. They didn't get to spill at lunch, like they wanted, or while making dinner, or while doing the dishes. They weren't going to let me hold them back now, with no one around to strengthen my resolve. I tightened my grip on the locket, and it started to cut into my hand. I didn't fucking care. A tiny cut was nothing compared to what I was feeling, like my entire heart was being ripped from my chest.

I was sobbing, uncontrollably. I buried my face in my pillow. I had to be careful not to wake Charlie. My nightly sob fest, also a usual part of the ritual, would be reported to Renee immediately, even if it was after midnight. I was crying so hard it was hurting my chest, and I couldn't breathe. I felt isolated. Like I was standing in a cavernous room, stuck to the floor, sinking. No one could reach me. No one could help me. No one knew how to pull me out. I couldn't escape this; I couldn't struggle against the slow sink into depression. I knew I should have, I should have been fighting from day one. But I never had the desire to fight it and win; I got a sick pleasure out of it, letting it pull me down. This was  _my_  pain. I horded it and held on to it. I could feel it, in the pit of my stomach, hardening like a pearl. An inky black pearl, more precious to me than any real treasure. It was the only thing I had left. I would never let it go.

The next morning I woke up to thunder crashing in the distance. Perfect. It fit my mood. My hair was a tangled mess, and my pillow was damp and slimy from a mixture of tears and snot. The necklace was still in my hand like always. There was a small blood spot in my palm from the point of the heart. I could hear Charlie rustling around in the kitchen. I sat up and looked in the mirror. Oh shit. My face was puffy and red. My stomach felt sick. I had to really book it to the bathroom, or I was going to hurl all over my room. I made a break for it, fumbling with the lock I forgot to undo last night. My stomach was heaving and I was near the breaking point when I heard the lock click and pushed my way out the door.

Last night had been bad, the worst in months. It felt like I had been hit by a truck, my whole body hurt. I felt feverish. I was starting to come to the conclusion that last night's episode wasn't related to this morning's symptoms, when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Are you feeling alright? I heard you getting sick. Do you need some help?" Charlie asked, as he tried to push the door open slowly.

I pushed back with my foot and heard a double thud as his knee and head hit the door from his forward motion. "No, I think I have the flu." The fucking flu. I couldn't remember the last time I had the flu. I was laying in the fetal position on the floor. The cold tile felt good on my forehead.

I heard him take a step back to give me some privacy. "Well, this is about the time it usually starts to go around up here. A few people at City Hall have been out with it. I'll call the doctor's office." I heard him walk into his room and use the phone. I might have been delusional, but I could have sworn I heard him arguing. I never heard him raise his voice before. I'm sure he does, considering his job title, but since I only lived with him a few weeks in the summer every year since I was 2 I've never had the experience of being yelled at by him. I just stayed curled up on the cool bathroom floor, praying to the porcelain gods every few minutes when my stomach would wrench again.

"Bells, I called Dr. Stanford's office, and he's booked, I guess you aren't the only flu victim today. They are going to send another doctor to the house. His name is Dr. Cullen." It must have been the fever, but he sounded pissed off. Wait, did he say house?

"They make house calls here?"I muttered through violent heaves.

"They do for me." I think it was an attempt at humor but it was lost on me at this moment. "I have to get to the station, but Dr. Cullen will be here in about an hour. Are you ok with him all set up before I leave, ok?"

"Ok Dad." I was too weak to put up much of an argument.

"I'll be right back." I heard closet doors being opened, and there were several trips up and down the stairs. Finally he came into the bathroom. "Can you get up?"

"I don't think so." I hadn't moved at all from my position on the floor. Charlie picked me up, like he used to do when I was a child. I was surprised that he could do it. I had a slender frame but I was no child. He carried me down to the living room, and I saw there was a bed made up on the couch. He put a bucket on the floor and some bottled water on the coffee table. The phone and the remote were both within reach. Charlie laid me down on the couch, and actually tucked me in. He sat there for a second, smoothing my hair back. It felt nice, like he could make me feel better, almost.

"You do feel really warm. If you get worse before the doctor gets here, just call 911 and I'll be here within a few minutes." I nodded in understanding and closed my eyes. I was already drifting back to sleep. I never heard him leave.

I was having fitful dreams about boys with green eyes, when I heard someone softly calling my name. It sounded sort of far away so I wasn't sure if it was real or just a dream.

"Ms. Swan. Ms. Swan…please wake up. Isabella?"

I hated my full name. I rolled over and opened my eyes. My first thought was that the fever had taken over my brain and I was hallucinating. There was a drop dead gorgeous man sitting on the edge of the couch calling my name. The fever apparently was a dirty one, because I thought I was about to have some sort of pornographic delusion. I wasn't entirely upset by that. He kind of looked like that jock character from the movie "Can't Hardly Wait", only not as bulky, and he had golden blonde hair with sea blue eyes. I stared at him without speaking, what the hell, it was only a delusion right. Social norms don't apply.

"Hello, Isabella." Oh shit, no delusion, real person. "I'm Dr. Cullen. I believe your father told you I was coming?" He was my  _doctor_? I was suddenly grateful for the flu.

"Oh yeah. Hi. Um...you can just call me Bella." My voice sounded scratchy and raw which was an accurate reflection of how it felt.

"Of course… Bella." He flashed me a grin and if I was standing my knees would have buckled. It just wasn't right for a father to look that good. I think I started to blush from my thoughts because he started checking my vital sign. "Now, what seems to be the problem today? Your father mentioned the flu?" He had a tender voice and a concerned manner about him. I listed my symptoms, and he continued with all the routine checkup stuff.

"Well, Bella, it does look like you have the flu. I don't know your previous medical history, but you seem to be in good health overall. You should be fine to go back to school on Monday. Just take it easy this weekend, and drink plenty of fluids. I'll drop a prescription for some pain medicine off at the station so your father can pick it up for you. If your symptoms worsen, have your father call my office, but I'm sure you'll bounce back quickly."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen."

"Anytime. I'm always happy to help the Chief. And Alice would never forgive me if I let you suffer until Dr. Stanford had an opening for you."

"Alice?" I was totally confused, she knew this mouthwatering man? "You know Alice?"

"Yes...oh I'm sorry, I assumed you knew. I'm Alice and Edward's uncle..." Edward? Who the hell was Edward? "…and Emmett's father. They mentioned you over breakfast this morning."

"Oh, umm yeah. Alice and Emmett." Using all this brain power was making me tired. I was starting to fall asleep again.

"I'll let you rest now. Don't forget to call if you get worse, or if you don't feel better by Monday." He put on his coat and I heard the door click when he left.

I never heard my dad come home to check on me. I never even fully woke up when Charlie gave me Dr. Cullen's medicine and a drink of water. I was in a daze; he even had to help me to the bathroom. When I finally woke up with a clear head, it was Sunday evening. I barely remembered anything from the past three days. I had done nothing but sleep since Dr. Cullen left Friday morning, which was good because at least I stopped throwing up. I blinked my eyes and stretched a bit. My limbs were sore from being cramped up on the couch for three days. Charlie was sitting in his recliner, watching football and eating pizza. It actually smelled good.

"Dad." I muttered out in a half whimper. He turned as I sat up.

"Hey, how're you feeling?"

"Better." I was still a little weak, but overall I felt much better. Human again at least.

"Good. Jessica called about 20 times to see if you were feeling better. I think she's upset that you couldn't go shopping with her. Alice Cullen stopped by with your homework."

Of course, Alice was the only one thoughtful enough to gather my homework and drop it off. "I wasn't aware you were friends with Alice."

"She's in my English class." The mention of Alice brought back my conversation with the doctor, "Dad. Dr. Cullen…he's Alice's uncle?"

"Yes. He also has a son, Emmett. Fantastic football player that boy, I heard they won the game Friday night because of him. I hope he decides to try for the Pros." Leave it to Charlie to bring football into the conversation.

"Who is Edward then?" I asked still not knowing how I missed this third part of their family. Charlie's face turned dark. The expression surprised me. I was suddenly very happy I was his daughter and not some criminal he was arresting.

"When did you meet  _him_? Did he bother you?"

"No, I don't think I've met him. Dr. Cullen said he was Alice and  _Edward's_  Uncle. I just wondered who he was. Is he off at college or something?"

"Edward is Alice's twin brother. If you haven't met him yet, be very glad. He is a real ass. Bella, stay away from him. Alice and Emmett are great kids, but Edward is the black sheep in the Cullen family." His tone was harsh. I wasn't sure what to say. Luckily Charlie changed the subject.

"Let me make you some chicken soup." He jumped up and made his way to the kitchen. I could tell from the racket that he wasn't used to finding his way around the kitchen. He made the soup, out of the can of course, and brought it to the couch for me. We sat together in the living room the rest of the night, flipping through the channels. There was no more talking, but it was a comfortable silence. My mind kept trying to process Charlie's reaction to this Edward person. Could one person really be that bad? Forks was a small town, not much happened here. Yes, there are the standard high school parties that get out of hand, but nothing that warranted hard feelings from my dad, not like this. He was a pretty easy going guy. I was sure I had not met this Edward yet. I don't remember anyone looking like an Alice twin. If there was a boy walking around at school that looked like Legolas from Lord of the Rings surely I would have noticed. That is what I imagined her male twin would look like, only with dark hair. He would have stuck out like a sore thumb, most of the boys I had seen at school were just the same basic high-school boy body with varying shades of hair. Nothing notable. Except for Emmett with his massiveness, and Mike Newton with his creepiness but neither one came close to Alice. There was Jasper, who certainly had the good looks but from what I saw of them at lunch they were definitely NOT brother and sister.

Charlie went upstairs for the night and I decided just to stay on the couch again. This Edward thing was like a pebble in my shoe. I started mentally scanning through all the people I met at school. Suddenly the boy with the green eyes flashed in my memory. I bolted upright. No fucking way. Images from my last day of school started replaying in my mind. He  _had_  been sitting at their table, but that didn't mean anything, right? I concentrated on the contours of his face. He didn't look exactly like Alice, but I could see some similarities. He wasn't bad looking, for sure. If he wasn't such a complete asshole he might even be attractive. Really attractive. Their eyes were the same shape, they both had high cheekbones. But her features were so delicate and magical like a fairy and his were hard and linear like a Greek god. His jaw line was so set and strong. Of course it could have been the fact that he was clenching his teeth. I started to imagine him on the top of a Grecian mountain wearing a skimpy toga, his chest bulging, looking up to the heavens…..what the hell…back to reality Bella.

Fuck, no wonder Charlie hated him. The kid was a royal dick. I wondered what happened in the womb to make Alice so nice and Edward so evil. Knowing that he was apparently an equal opportunity hater, made me feel better.

I was tired again, so I reached into the pillow Charlie had gotten out of my room, and pulled out the locket. I fell asleep without tears tonight, my mind full of curiosity about the boy with the penetrating green eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**TWILIGHT & ALL IT'S CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY MS. MEYERS.**

**EDWARD**

Once again I was woken up before my alarm by the Funshine Crack Fairy. One of these days I was going to fucking wake her up, in the most obnoxious way possible, WAY before her alarm goes off. Since I had no idea when she actually got up, sometime around the asscrack of dawn, it would probably mean my pulling an all nighter for me. It would be my first or my last. I started plotting but was interrupted.

"Good morning!" She was sitting cross-legged on the foot of my bed.

"Good morning Alice. What can I do for you this morning?" my tone told her I could give a shit less what she wanted and the fact that I didn't even open my eyes made it clear I wasn't going to do anything about it if she told me what it was.

"Nothing. Just thought I'd let you know Esme made banana pancakes, I thought you would like to try and make it to the table before Em." Ah, banana pancakes; my favorite. Picturing Emmett's big ass horking down all my banana pancakes made me jump out of bed. I may be an ass, but Esme's cooking made me as a happy as a kid in a fucking candy store.

"Hold him off, ok? I'll be down in a minute." Alice jumped up and ran out the door. This was a familiar game to us. While we never went hungry, you did have beat Emmett if you wanted the good stuff. I went through my selection of concert tees and picked NOFX for today. I was in a happy punk mood. Jazz and I went to a concert at least once, sometimes twice a month. We both had about a hundred tees, rarely wore anything else. I raced down the stairs to the dining room table. Damn it, Emmett was sitting there already, with his plate piled high with pancakes. Alice was sitting next to him, looking defeated.

"Damn it Alice, I thought you were going to distract him!" I sat down and picked at what was left.

"I'm sorry. His radar kicked in and there was no stopping him. He just picked me up and slung me over his shoulder."

"Don't worry Eddie, Mom's in the kitchen making more." He was just shoveling them in.

"Geez, Em, wanna fucking pitch fork?" I was still amazed at how much that guy could eat sometimes.

"Ya got one?" I don't think he even knows what his limit is.

Since today was game day, he was dressed in a collared shirt and tie. His neck was almost too big for the shirt; it looked like it was choking him. I prepared myself for the giggle-fest that would surely ensue when we got to school. Those damn girls practically threw themselves at his feet. Of course it annoyed Rosalie to no end, so that I enjoyed, but other than that it was a big pain in the ass.

"Yes, I made more pancakes! I know they're your favorite." Esme walked out of the kitchen carrying a plate heaping full of more banana pancakes. She stopped by and put a nice stack on my plate first before putting the plate on the table for everyone. Carlisle was following behind her, carrying bacon and eggs. "I made a really big breakfast this morning. I invited Rosalie and Jasper over." Alice and I helped ourselves and a few minutes later Rose and Jazz showed up. Rose looking like she just stepped off a runway and Jazz looking like he got dressed out of  _my_  closet. We were like one big happy family. Esme and Carlisle at each end of the table, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rose. Me, by myself. I had a whole side to myself. I remember when there had once been a girl next to me…ah, fuck; we weren't going to remember that right now. It was Friday, I wasn't going to let anything rain on my parade.

The conversation was light, mostly about Emmett's big game. There was going to be a scout there to see him, but Em had already chosen his school, and he didn't need a scholarship. He wanted to be a teacher of all things. I felt sorry for all his future students, they were going to be scared shitless of him. He was definitely a ballbuster. He didn't give those poor bastards on the football team one minutes rest on the field, practice or game.

"Hey, Alice, you gonna to invite that cute girl to the game tonight? I bet some of the guys would love her." Emmett joked.

"No, I don't think she's the football type."

"What cute girl?" Carlisle asked.

"The new girl, Chief Swan's daughter. She's in my English class. She's a little...um…shy."

"Yeah, she's also a total klutz." Emmett started laughing remembering the scene in the lunchroom yesterday. He started describing what happened to Carlisle. I started snickering too, but Alice shot me a dirty look.

"Ah, Isabella. Yes, I heard she was moving in with her father. I hadn't realized she was here already." Carlisle looked over to me with questioning eyes. "Have you met her Edward?" I looked over at Alice, and she raised an eyebrow.  _Yes, have you?_

"Sort of. She's in my Biology, but, uh, we didn't really get a chance to talk." I raised an eyebrow back.  _Ha._

"Edward, I don't know much about this girl, but as a precaution, I think it would smart if you were to be on your best behavior around her." Carlisle warned. He knew Papa Swan would look for any excuse to nail my ass to the wall. Alice had a smug look;  _See._

"Yes, sir." Just as we finished our breakfast, the phone rang. It was for Uncle Carlisle. He finished his conversation and came back to help us clear the table.

"Well, it seems the flu is hitting hard. Dr. Stanford is backed up and they need my help. I need to make a house call. I'll see you guys at the game tonight, ok?" he kissed Esme and gave her a pat, looking back to make sure we weren't watching his little ass grab. They were cute and silly. Like the rest of the couples I was surrounded by. Now I was the seventh wheel.

We all argued about who was going in what car. Since Jazz and I never went to the games, we took the Volvo, and everyone else took Emmett's red Jeep. We raced out the driveway, I blew the Jeep away. Not even a contest.

"So… Alice said you made Bella cry."

'Yes. I'm a douche. A dick. A fucking asshole. Just call me Bastward" Jasper and I were close enough for my best sarcasm.

"Yeah, dude. I know that, but apparently you're fucking stupid too, cuz you made  _the Chief's daughter_  cry."

"Did Alice con you into this conversation with a promise of pussy or something?"

"Ew, bro, don't talk about your sister's pussy." But he laughed because I was right.

"You know, she threatened the Dave Grohl guitar." Jasper's eyes widened. The mood darkened.

"No fucking way."

"Yeah, she did. She wouldn't really do it, but she still threatened it. Has she told you why the hell being friends with Bella is so damn important to her?" Jasper hesitated; he started flipping through the songs on my iPod. "Jazz, come on. Just fucking tell me already." He sighed.

"I don't really know. She just feels bad for her. You know how Alice is, she gets those gut feelings about people. She always wants to save people. She thinks Bella needs to be saved I guess. Plus, she heard Jess talking shit about her on her first day. That just pissed her off, anything to openly defy Jessica." That was true. Jess was jealous of both Rose and Alice, so whenever they got the chance to one up her, they took it. It didn't take much to top  _her_.

So, technically if I was not a complete dick to Bella, it would piss off Jessica. Ok. I could deal with that. Piss of Jess, make sister happy. Kill two birds with one stone.

"She's pretty. It shouldn't be too hard for you to be amiable to her." We pulled into school, and waited for Emmett's jeep. That slow fucker pulled up five minutes later with Rose practically in his lap. They hadn't even waited to get to the parking lot. Poor Alice stuck in the backseat with those pervs. I wonder if she liked being the onlooker to excessive PDA.

I didn't feel like being the fifth wheel this morning. I made my exit as Emmett let Alice out of the Jeep and she ran up and wrapped herself around Jasper, fucking joined at the hip again.

"Later guys." The couples stopped sucking face to wave goodbye. The whole school was excited about the Friday night game. The teachers knew it was a lost cause to even try, so most periods were more of a study hall. I spent my free time secretly writing songs. Jazz and I got together every weekend to have mini jam sessions. I played guitar and piano. He played the bass, but he also had a kick ass voice. I had a music room in the basement at the house. Carlisle and Esme were happy to indulge our hobbies. When I told them I was interested in music they had a room in the basement soundproofed for me. I bet that was the best damn investment they have ever made. We very rarely played my songs, we mostly did covers but I still wrote them anyway. Occasionally Em would join us on drums, but he only knew a few songs. Kinda like a big fucking ape banging on a rock. Alice had an art studio to do her painting and Emmett had the best stocked garage in frickin' Forks to work on his Jeep, or any other car he could get his hands on. I guess it's a good thing Mike wasn't their son. I wonder what the hell they would do to promote  _that_  hobby.

I made it to lunch and Alice was already at the table. She looked upset. Alice was never one to be able to hide her feelings, especially from me. I always knew when something was wrong. We didn't have many secrets from each other. Other than Jazz, she was my best friend.

"Hey girl, what's wrong" I sat next to her throwing my bag on the table. There weren't many times that someone had my full attention; Alice with her sad eyes was one of them.

"Bella wasn't in class today." I didn't get a chance to ask her more, because Emmett came strutting in with the football team, causing an impromptu pep rally. I sat through the high school ridiculousness, all the time wondering about the missing girl. Had I really hurt her feelings so bad she decided not to come back? Had Charlie pulled her out? Was he going to get me pulled out?

Before I knew it, it was time for Biology. I walked in searching the faces to see if the new girl here. She could have just been late. I saw the usual pimple-faced teens making small talk in the pre-class chaos. No Bella, I was alone again. Today actually turned out to be an important class. Mr. Banner was giving out the topics for our final project. I felt some irritation at Bella. This was 25% of our final grade and she wasn't here. That made it set in stone that I would talk to him about switching her. I couldn't risk my grade on someone undependable. I waited until the end of class, and went to Mr. Banner's desk.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I was wondering if I could talk to you about my lab partner, Bella."

"Is there a problem?"

"Well, sir, I was hoping that you could give her another partner. I'm sure you know my history with her father. I don't think he would appreciate me being her lab partner. We wouldn't be able to work on projects together outside of school. Perhaps she could make a team of three with Mike Newton and Raegan Davis." It wasn't really necessary but I knew it would irritate the hell out of Jessica knowing her man was partnered up with fresh meat. I secretly hoped Bella would be able keep her ass-chastity intact with that dickweed around, everyone should have ass-chastity.

Mr. Banner gave me an Are-you-fucking-kidding-me look and said, "Yes, I'm aware of your history. However, everyone else is used to their current lab partners, and I don't think it would be fair to the rest of the class, especially Bella." Apparently Mr. Banner has heard of Mike's reputation as well. I started to protest but he cut me off "But, what I can do is give you and Ms. Swan each your own project so that you won't be required to work together outside school." He turned back to the papers he was grading and waved me off dismissingly. I wasn't happy, but I guess that was as good as it was going to get.

"Yes sir."I turned to walk out of class and he stopped me.

"You should really give her a chance, Mr. Cullen. I've taken a look at her previous school records. I think she might give you and Mr. Hale a run for your money." My jawed dropped. She was smart?

I walked out of the classroom totally confused. She  _had_  to be fucking adopted. She wasn't an ugly troll, and she wasn't a fucking idiot. For some irrational reason, this angered me. How dare she! She had no right to have a fucking brain in her head, and look good, and smell good…..I remembered the smell. It was her scent that fueled the hatred.

After final bell Jazz and I met at the Volvo, we were about to drive off when Alice jumped in front of the car.

"Wait!" Did the woman have a fucking death wish? This is a fucking VOLVO, you don't jump in front of it!

I hit the brakes. Thank god were barely moving or I would've run her over.

"Jesus Christ Alice. What the hell's the matter with you?" she was holding a stack of books.

"Carlisle called me. Apparently that phone call this morning was about Bella." My heart skipped, was she ok?...what the hell was that about? "She's out with the flu, so I picked up her homework. Can you swing me by her house?"

"Have you been fucking smoking crack? I can't go within 100 feet of that house." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Fine, then can you take me home, so I can take my car to her house?" I nodded and she climbed in the backseat. When we got home she jumped into her Porsche. "I'll see you guys after the game! Have fun jamming." She blew Jazz another kiss and took off.

The house was empty, so we ordered a pizza and headed to the music room. It wasn't anything major, but it was soundproof and we could blast our shit to 11 if we wanted to.

"Newton was talking about Bella in gym today." Jasper said while tuning his bass.

"Yeah. What, you want me to fly into a jealous rage or something?"

"No, but dude, no girl deserves the Newton treatment."

"Fuck her, she'll have to put on her big girl panties and tell him to fuck off. I'm sure she can handle him. Oh, you know what Mr. Banner said to me today? That he's seen Bella's records and she might give us a run for our money."

"You serious? Huh, smart  _and_  cute." I rolled my eyes. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"Let's just play." We spent the rest of the night playing our favorites. About ten o'clock, we heard Emmett's Jeep roar into the driveway. He was honking his horn like a mad man. We went outside and everyone was cheering.

"We won! We fucking won! Woooo!" Em picked up Rose and swung her around planting a huge kiss on her.

"Emmett, watch your language." Esme warned, but with a smile on her face.

"Ok, Mom…We won!" He picked Esme up and swung her around too. He looked at me and Jazz but we both scowled at him like we'd jack his ass up if he even tried so he grabbed Rosalie up again instead.

"Alright. Alright. Everyone get inside so we can get to this ice cream." Carlisle held up the bucket ice cream to get Emmett focused on his stomach. It was a tradition after every game. It started when Emmett dominated his first game in 9th grade. He ended up bruising 2 ribs and having a concussion but when they asked him if he needed anything he just said ice cream. And the tradition was born and I saw no end of it in sight. We all gathered in the family room and Emmett gave us the play by play of him throwing the ball for the winning touchdown. He had to be the most physical Quarterback in history. He bullied his way past players most Quarterbacks ran from.

Rosalie kept smiling at Emmett, she might be a total bitch most of the time, but when it came to him accomplishing something, she couldn't be prouder. Also, because Emmett winning the game gave her even more popularity by default. Aunt Esme sent the Hales home at midnight with a plate of leftovers for each of them. We all congratulated Em one more time then dispersed to our rooms. Later I heard the familiar sounds of people being snuck in through the balcony off the hallway. They were so lucky Carlisle and Esme were on the other side of the house.

I was lying in my bed wide awake. I just couldn't get comfortable, tossing and turning. I always sleep in my boxers but tonight I was either hot and throwing the blankets off the bed or cold and scooping them back up again. I was alone, yet again. I didn't have anyone to lie with and keep me warm and cozy but not sweltering hot. I laid there staring at the ceiling while the three couples in the house were doing God knows what. I let myself remember a time when I wasn't the odd man out.

Tanya.

That name made me cringe and want to punch something and want to cry like a baby at the same time. I still had a few pictures of us together, but they were hidden. Alice had thought it was her duty to relieve me of all things Tanya, so I only managed to save things that were already hidden away from her. When I let myself think about Tanya, it always nearly broke me. She was the cause of all the shit with Chief Swan, with Jessica, half the town thinking I was psychotic. I still fucking loved her though. That was the part that got me. I hadn't talked or even seen her in a year, but I couldn't let go of her. She had been my first everything, was I really supposed to just fucking forget? She had completely dominated my emotions, and this is what I get for allowing it. Fucking heartache.

I eventually fell asleep dreaming of her face..and her smell. The next morning was Alice free, probably because it was a Saturday, and she had been up late with Jazz. I woke up on my own and laid in bed for awhile. I slowly realized my pillow was a little damp. Shit, had I actually cried about Tanya last night? I was beginning to feel like a pussy. Maybe I should borrow Jazz's vaginitis medication.

I went downstairs just in time to hear Esme.

"You guys always know just when breakfast is." I smiled to myself. Esme wasn't stupid, I was pretty sure she suspected Rose and Jazz spent quite a few nights here, but she also had a huge amount of trust in us.

The rest of the weekend was pretty standard. Jazz and I went down to jam in the music room. Alice brought her painting stuff in, so Jazz wouldn't have to decide between hanging out with his girl or his best friend. I usually lost in that battle, I wasn't the one fucking him, but Alice knew it made him feel bad. I was glad that I didn't have to hear anything Bella related almost all weekend. I was stuck thinking about Tanya. It irritated old wounds. Every song I played was for her. I think Jasper picked up on it, because by Sunday night, he was requesting some more hardcore stuff. Emmett came to join us, but didn't stay long. I guess his hormone sea ebbed because he all of a sudden decided he needed to go see Rose. She was upstairs with Esme talking fashion. I guess the suggestiveness of the fuck-me rock we were playing wasn't lost on him. The shit-eating grin on his face gave away his intentions.

Carlisle was working all weekend; the flu had hit Forks with a vengence.

After a while Jazz and I weren't feeling the music anymore so we decided to call it a night. Alice walked Jazz upstairs to say goodnight. I stayed in the music room to write some more. I had to get all of this emotional bullshit out of my system.

Alice came back downstairs, cheeks red from sucking face, "We should check if Bella is feeling better." Alice said in between brush strokes.

"Go for it. I'll wait here and hold my breath for an update on her health."

"Stop being a dick." That was the end of the conversation. Alice went back to painting, I went back to writing.

In my room that night, I went into the closet and pulled out one of the built-in drawers. It had a false bottom. I discovered it when I first moved into this room, and kept that little tid-bit to myself. I didn't even tell Alice. It wasn't very big; it was just enough for a few pictures. I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall holding a picture of me and Tanya. It was a candid shot, Alice had taken it. We were lying on a blanket in the backyard. It had been a rare sunny day. Tanya had her head resting on my chest, her leg wrapped around me. I had one hand in her strawberry blonde hair, and the other wrapped around her waist pulling her close to me. We both had our eyes closed, but we were smiling. We didn't even know Alice was there. It had been a perfect moment. There had been no clue that in only a months time our relationship would crash and burn. I was so fucking naïve…blissfully naïve.

I could feel one lonely tear slide down my cheek and drop off my chin onto the picture. Fuck this blubbering bullshit. I put the picture and the false bottom back with more force than necessary. I crawled into bed, feeling exhausted. As I drifted off, my mind wandered back to the scene in the picture, only there was a small brunette in Tanya's place.


	6. Chapter 6

**TWILIGHT & ALL IT'S CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY MS. MEYERS. I'M RUNNING OUT OF CLEVER THINGS TO SAY. FAIL.**

**BELLA**

Monday morning brought a phone call from Dr. Cullen, asking if I was better. We only spoke for a minute. I didn't want to keep him, and the longer I talked to him, the more I kept imagining his hot body. I was blushing. I was envisioning him in the same fantasies that I used to have about Brad Pitt. Move over, Brad, you've been replaced.

Charlie was in the kitchen making eggs, bacon and waffles. Breakfast was the one meal he was able to manage to not completely murder. He could actually make some pretty mean toast. He had set a place for me, and was loading the plate.

"What's all this about?" I asked as I yawned and stretched life back into my body.

"You barely ate this weekend. You need something more substantial than pop tarts and coke." Charlie's eyes were bigger than my stomach, and I had to leave half the food on my plate. It was an awesome breakfast though. I arrived a little late to school, Mother Nature had turned yesterday's soaking into today's ice rink. Half the parking lot was empty when I finally slid my way into it; I guess I wasn't the only one lucky enough to get acquainted with the flu this weekend. Yea.

The teachers weren't entirely sure if they should proceed with new lessons since most of the students were missing, plus some of the teachers were even out. My first three classes were canceled, and we just sat in the library. However, Mr. Berty was fine and not at all worried about people missing his class, so English went on as usual. Alice was excited to see me back at school. I think she was worried about me.

"Hey! I missed you on Friday. Did your dad give you the homework I dropped off?"

"Yes, thank you. Please, thank your Uncle again for me. He was really nice." And sexy, but I decided to leave that part out.

"No problem." Something caught her eye, and she started to frown. "Uh,oh. Jessica, ten o'clock." I turned around just in time to see Jessica narrow her sights on me. She made a beeline straight for my desk. Shit, why couldn't she be home sick? Damn virus probably avoided her too.

"Bella, how nice to see you." She stood with one hip sticking out and her arms crossed. Queen Bitch. "You know, it would have been nice of you to call me and let me know you were canceling our shopping trip."

"Jessica, she was sick with the flu. My Uncle had to go see her at home because she was too sick to go into the office. Give her a break. The last thing she was probably thinking between heaves was that she should call  _you_."

"I don't believe I was talking to you,  _Alice_." She positioned her body so that her back was to Alice and she was standing in between us. "Well, Bella? What do you have to say for yourself?" Was she serious? She wanted me to apologize for being sick? She was tapping her foot again, like last week at lunch. She seemed perfectly willing to stand there until I satisfied her with a response.

"Um, geez, Jessica. I'm sorry?"

"Sorry for….?" Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Am I a five year old? I started blushing. I felt a rare ballsy move coming on.

"Oh, Jessica, I'm  _so_  sorry for not getting up off the bathroom floor and calling you in between heaving my guts out to let you know I was too sick to join you. Next time I'm delusional with fever I'll tell my hallucinations to get me your phone number. For future reference I'll make sure you are above Charlie on my emergency contacts." A few eavesdroppers started giggling. Alice had a look of pride on her face. Jessica looked like she was about to rip me a new asshole, but when she saw everyone laughing, her expression changed.

"Oh Bella. Don't be so melodramatic. I was just joking. I didn't really expect you to come shopping if you were sick." She did that half hearted laugh people do when they are uncomfortable. "We'll just reschedule." With a flip of her hair she retreated back to her seat.

Mr. Berty decided to pick that moment to clear his throat and start class. "Please take your seats. Thank you. Class, as you know, I do not like to give midterm tests. I want you guys to show me what you've learned this year by picking a book we've discussed and writing a short play. The class will be divided up into two person teams. This IS your midterm grade people, take it seriously! You will be grading each other too, so both partners should work equally hard." He started dividing the class up. Jessica turned and winked at me, but thankfully, God was smiling down on me, "Ms. Swan, are you familiar with most of the books on the reading list?"

"Yes sir." Reading was one of my favorite activities; it was another means of escape. I had already read most of the required books on my own time.

"Good. I will pair you with Ms. Cullen. She's my best student." Jessica frowned, Alice beamed. "I will give you the remainder of the period to get with your partners. Please have your book picked out by the end of class."

Alice pulled her desk over to mine and we started looking over the reading list. We both decided on "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin. After writing a basic outline for the play, my mind started to wander. I wanted some answers.

"Alice, Edward is your brother, right?" Alice looked up and started playing with her hair.

"Yes."

"He's in my Biology class, isn't he?"

"Yes"

"He's kind of an asshole." This wasn't a question, more of a statement of fact.

"Well, um yes. I mean, no. Oh Damn it." She bit her lip and seemed to be contemplating on how to continue. "He is kind of rough around the edges, but he can be really sweet…at times." That didn't help me at all.

"My father doesn't like him."

"No. He. Does. Not."Alice's tone told me this was no secret.

"Is that why he was so rude to me in Biology?"

"That's part of it, yes."Alice's eyes avoided me. I was doubtful that she was that interested in the cover of The Awakening but her eyes never left it.

"And what's the other part?"

"Oh Bella." She finally made herself meet my gaze. Her eyes were pleading and a little sad. "It's not really my story to tell." Fair enough. It did nothing to ease my curiosity, but I could understand her loyalty to her brother.

"I'm not my father, you know." I felt like I needed to get that out there, for some reason.

"I know that. Give him time, he'll figure it out." Alice looked down at her paper, and I swore I saw a faint smile on her face. What was that? Before I got to question it, the bell rang.

"Leave your book picks on my desk please!" Mr. Berty called. Alice left our pick and outline on his desk as I walked out the door. Jessica, the sneaky bitch, came up behind me and tugged on my sleeve.

"Ugh, I'm so sorry you got stuck with Alice. She is such a stuck up bitch." Yeah, ok, who's the bitch? "Let's go eat." She still had a hold of my sleeve and started pulling me, when Alice appeared next to me. She linked her arm around mine. I felt a little like one of those furry mouse-shaped cat toys with two hissing kitties on either side, both vying for rights to play with me. Just a tad bit uncomfortable.

"Actually Jess, Bella is going to sit with me today. We want to get an early start on our project." She had a smug look on her face. "Right Bells?"

"Um, yeah. Sorry." I smiled weakly and allowed Alice to pull me away. Jessica looked furious. Her friend Lauren came up next to her.

"Let them have her. It's not like she's anyone important. She barely even talks."

"Lauren, just shut the fuck up, will you?" She stormed off in the other direction leaving Lauren standing there looking side to side before wandering off to nowhere.

"Well, that was amusing." Rosalie had been standing in the doorway, watching the whole scene. "Good riddance, you're better off with us Bella. Or you will be..." The look she gave me and my clothes told me she had some serious plans for my wardrobe.

The three of us walked to their usual table. Jasper and Emmett were already sitting and waiting for their female counterparts. Emmett saw me and smiled.

"Fresh meat! We needed another girl at this table. It was starting to feel like a sausage fest here." He laughed out loud. He was goofy. I liked goofy. Another real smile. I better not get used to this.

Jasper was more low key with his greeting. "Hi, Bella. Alice told us you were sick, are you feeling better?" He flashed a gentle smile and wrapped his arm around Alice and gave her the extra coke that was on the table.

"Yes, thank you." I felt slightly overwhelmed at being the center of attention. At least I didn't have to fake the "Happy Bella", not completely. They seemed ready to accept me the way I was. Or at least the way they thought I was.

"Hey, where's Edward?" Alice looked around the room. "He should be here by now."

"I don't know, he was right behind me." Jasper looked around like he'd misplaced some part of his  _own_  body. I don't think it happens very often that he doesn't know where Edward is.

"Is it because I'm sitting here?" I wondered out loud. The boy pissed me off, but I didn't want him to blow off his family because of me.

Rosalie spoke up first. "Probably." Alice shot her a dirty look. "What? I'm not trying to be a bitch, for once, but the girl should know the truth." I was blushing, again. Could I ever stop doing that? "It doesn't matter; he needs to get over it anyways. Let him sulk somewhere. You were invited to sit here."

"Damn girl, you're cute when you blush!" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me. Rose smacked him in the back of the head. "Oh baby, I like it when you're rough!" He reached over and scooped her up in his arms. She clearly didn't mind even though she wiggled and squirmed like she was trying to escape, but it was never enough to actually do so. Emmett was coating her face and neck with sloppy teddy bear kisses.

"They're always like his, you'll get used to it." Jasper rolled his eyes. "So, what kind of music do you listen to?" Alice, Jasper and I spent the remainder of lunch talking about our favorite bands. We all liked most of the same ones. I agreed with him about Coldplay, which sent Emmett into a tizzy, and caused Rose to groan, "Not  _again_!" By the time the bell rang, I was actually enjoying myself.

We all got up to go to class, Emmett and Rosalie went their separate ways, Alice and Jasper walked me with me to Biology. I was slightly nervous. I had a good time with my new friends; I didn't want the mood to be spoiled by his royal dickness. Jasper noticed my hesitation.

"Don't worry about Edward. He can be a complete fuckhead, but he kind of has his reasons. Just stand up to him, he'll back down." Yeah, great advice. Standing up to Jessica this morning had been hard enough. Alice and Jasper said goodbye, with sweet kisses and promises to meet up later.

Walking into the classroom, Mike Newton blocked the way to my table…..Joy. I made sure to keep my ass far from his reach.

"Hey there Bella. You're looking good today." He licked his lips in a perverted kind of way, and was staring at my chest. "You know, I'm really thinking about asking you out." I vomited a little in my mouth.

"My father doesn't let me date." Lie to save my ass. Literally.

"That's ok, Jessica doesn't let me date either." He thought that was hilarious. "We don't have to tell. I'm good at keeping secrets, how 'bout you?" If what I've heard were not secrets, I cringe at the thought of what was….ewww. He was still making small little advances to close the distance between us.

"Um, I'll get back to you on that." I walked around him, keeping my back away from him the whole time, and went to sit at my table. Edward was already there. He had been watching my exchange with Mike, but there was no expression on his face. We sat in silence for a few minutes, waiting for class to start. Mr. Banner was one of the teachers out sick, so we had a substitute. She was a little old lady with coke bottle glasses. She announced that this was just going to be a study period, because in all honesty, she knew nothing about science. She pulled out a romance novel, and sat in front reading. The other students turned their attentions toward each other. Edward was the first to speak.

"Mr. Banner won't switch you."

"Fine." I was being short with him. Payback for his asshole-ishness last time we met.

"Fine." More silence. I guess he was too. I remembered my resolve not to let him get to me.

"I'm not stupid you know." But I sounded like I was. Jesus, all these brains and I turn into a 'tard when I'm around him.

"Ok. You're not stupid." He started running his hand through his hair. At that moment, he looked exactly like Alice. She did it this morning, when I was questioning her. Was the great Edward nervous? "You missed class Friday."

"I had the flu."

"I heard. Mr. Banner assigned the projects for the final. He gave you your own, so we wouldn't have to work together." I couldn't read his emotions. It wasn't anger, not smugness. Nothing. He looked like a blank canvass. He was either an emotional invalid or really good at hiding them.

"Because Charlie hates you?" I was trying to get some rise out of him, something to let me know how he was feeling, what he was thinking.

"Yes, because Charlie hates me." blank.

"Are you going to enlighten me as to why?" Mostly because I was curious, partly because I was still trying to figure him out.

"No, it's none of your fucking business." He glared at me, then turned and looked out the window. So there is blank and raving lunatic. Hand in the hair again. He cleared his throat and turned back to me. "I'm sorry." I shrugged my shoulders, maybe there was more to him. I looked him in the eyes. So incredibly green. They were really quite attractive when they weren't filled with hate. They had a kind of sadness to them. Like a lost puppy dog. I didn't know how long I stared at him, but it was long enough to make him uncomfortable. He broke eye contact and started tapping his fingers on the table. I looked at my hands and started blushing. Damn it. What the hell was that? Get a grip Bella.

"Mike Newton wants to fuck you." Wow, that was blunt.

"That's ok, I'd like my ass to stay a virgin" I said it before I'd even thought about it. I shocked myself. I glanced up and saw him smile. It only lasted a second, but it had been there, a little. It was a crooked smile, and it fit him. The conversation ended at that point, I had no idea how to continue. It was obvious he was only talking to me because of Alice, that knowledge, however did not change the small twinge of excitement I felt. The eyes, the smile, and the sound of his voice, made me giddy.

God, what the fuck was wrong with me? Just last night I was convinced he was a royal dick. Today he smiles and I start getting butterflies? Maybe this was just his play to get girls. Some girls responded to that bad boy charm. I suddenly felt lost and confused. Guilt was overwhelming me. I wish I had my locket, but I didn't dare bring it to school. Tears were flowing freely. Edward noticed.

"Shit. I swear I wasn't trying to be a dick ok? I'm sorry for…whatever I said." I couldn't take it. I ran out of the room. I ran all the way to my truck, before I even realized it. Charlie was going to hear about this, but I didn't fucking care. I had to have my locket. I drove home, tears blurring my vision, sliding on the ice. When I finally got home, I grabbed the pillow off the couch and ran to my room. I flung myself on the bed, coat, shoes and all, holding on to the locket for dear life. I heard his words  _I love you Bella, I always will._  Grief pulled me under. I cried until I fell asleep.

When I finally woke up, it was dark outside. Charlie was sitting on the edge of my bed, worried expression and all. Shit, I was still completely dressed, and I had the locket in my hand. I was screwed.

"Bella. The principal called me this afternoon. You ran out of class?" I nodded. "You skipped classes." Nodded again. "I was pulled out of work to find you home, asleep." His tone didn't seem angry, it just seemed lost. Like he wasn't sure how he should be feeling about this.

"Dad, I'm sorry…"

"Please, Bells. I need to get this all out. I know that I'm not the best at communication, but I'm trying. I know that you're hurting. When your mom left me, I grieved for years. I know it's not the same… he's gone forever... but it was still a huge loss loosing you and your mom. I can only imagine that what you are going through is worse than what I experienced. I didn't expect you to come here and be healed over night, but you have to follow the rules. I can only help if you work with me." He reached out and grabbed my hand, the one with the locket in it. "Renee thinks this is still in Phoenix. Your mom doesn't understand grief. She's never lost something so precious to her. I promise not to tell her about the locket or today, if you promise not to do it again."

"Ok Dad. I promise."

"The principal also told me something else disturbing. Edward Cullen is your Biology partner? Is he the one that upset you?"

"No. He didn't upset me." Not today at least.

"I thought you said you haven't met him?"

"I didn't know it was him. We didn't really get to introduce ourselves last week. He was gone my whole first week and only in class on Thursday this week." I wasn't lying.

"I'm going to have you pulled from that class." Charlie's "Don't fuck with my daughter" tone made me feel like I had to defend him.

"Dad, no. Please. He didn't do anything." Ok, now I was lying, but a part of me didn't want out of that class. "He even had the teacher gives us separate reports, so I wouldn't have to work with him… something about you not liking him."

"Damn right I don't like him. You don't know what he's capable of, Bella." No, I didn't, but seeing my dad act this way was making me determined to find out. "You better tell me if he so much as breathes wrong in your direction."

"It's a deal." The lies were getting thick. "Um, I should tell you that Alice Cullen and I have to work on an English thing together. It's for the midterm."

"I have no problem with Alice, but I would rather you guys work here."

"I'll let her know."or at least I'll make you think I did. I wonder what I'd find out about Edward if I was in his house? What the hell? Why did I care?

"Ok. How about I go get us some food." I smiled and he got up to leave. He squeezed my hand again, and left. I never took the locket out of my hand. My mind was racing, Edward, locket, Phoenix, birthday, Alice, Biology, Charlie, Renee. Why did Charlie hate Edward so much? Why was I so damn curious about him? What was the story behind his "reasons" for being so mean? What happened to him? Too many questions, not enough answers.


	7. Chapter 7

**EDWARD**

I was goofing around with Jazz on the way to lunch, only to remember I left my song book behind in class. Mike Newton was still standing in the History room, with his pimple faced friend Eric Yorkie. Newton and I generally avoid each other at all costs, after the whole Jessica thing, but I wasn't about to leave my songbook there for any asshat to read. I was going to just say fuck it and walk in, until I heard him mention Bella. I stopped in my tracks.

"Yo Yorkie, have you seen that new chick, Bella? She's got a sweet fucking ass." Mike made an outline of an ass then air fucked it with his best "o" face on.

"You know it. You gonna hit that?"

"Oh hells yeah! No girl can resist this." He grabbed his dick and pumped like a fucking well handle. God he was disgusting.

" I don't think Jess will like that." Yorkie made it sound like Mike would actually give a shit if she did.

"Fuck Jessica. Sticking my dick in her is like slappin' a dead fish. I swear sometimes she wants to do it doggy style just so she can watch fucking TV. If her shit gets any more blown out I'm gonna fucking fall in. Plus, ever since she fucked Cullen, she kind of repulses me." Ouch. Tell me how you really feel. "I bet Bella is fucking tight as hell. I just want bend her over and make her scream for daddy." I had the sudden urge to grab him by the throat and slam him into the wall. Jazz was right; no girl deserves the Newton treatment. I acted before I could think.

"Hey, Newton!" I walked into the room and met him eye to eye.

"What do you want, Cullen." He squared his shoulder as if to try and intimidate me, but I knew from experience he was scared of me.

"You should really watch your mouth. Somebody might accidentally put a fist in it."

"Don't tell me  _you_  are gonna stick up for the Swan girl." Was that what I was doing? I wasn't sure; I just felt the urge to shut him up.

"It doesn't matter what girl it is," Or did it? "No girl deserves to have your pencil dick on the prowl for her ass." He sneered at me. "What is your obsession with the ass anyways? You secretly gay or something?" That set him off, he rushed forward and we were standing almost nose to nose.

"Why Cullen, you want me to bend you over? You need a man since you can't keep a girl?" I was going to punch this asshole square in his face, my hand clenched into a fist.

"Hey! What's going on here? Mr. Cullen, Mr. Newton?" Damn, the History teacher, Mrs. Maynard walked in. I relaxed my hand immediately. Mike smiled.

"Nothing, Mrs. Maynard. We were just having a friendly conversation. Right Edward?"

"Yeah. I, uh, just needed to get something I left behind." Mike and I were still staring each other down.

"You need to get to lunch. Right this minute, or I'm getting the principal." fucking granny on a power trip.

"Yes, ma'am" We said simultaneously. Newton brushed passed me with Eric, and I grabbed my book and headed towards lunch. I was fuming. That asshole's face almost got a fist full of fuck-you wrapped in my fist. Damn it, I was putting my whole life at risk, over what? Bella? I would've gone to jail, and Carlisle wouldn't have been able to talk Swan down this time. Chief Charlie would have had a fucking hay day booking my ass. When I got to the cafeteria, I stopped dead in my tracks. Bella was sitting at my table. Great, first my fucking parking spot, now my seat.

Jasper was scanning the lunchroom. He was probably wondering where I went, we were walking together down the hall when I remembered my book. I didn't even take the time to tell him I was going back. I stood there in the cafeteria door with a dumbfounded look on my face. I wasn't sure if I should proceed in and kick her ass out of my seat or walk the other way. When I saw Bella start to blush, I decided to stay but not let them know. Something about her, it intrigued me. I just wanted to watch. I wanted to see her with my family. I found an empty chair where I could clearly see the table, but they probably wouldn't notice me. Bella was turned, talking to Jazz and Alice. I could just see the side of her face. She was smiling. It wasn't the fake smile I had seen last week when she was with Jessica. It was genuine, a real smile. She looked so comfortable.

As I kept watching, I realized that I was acting fucking crazy. What the hell was I, a stalker, watching her without her knowing. What the fuck was going on? I almost beat the shit out of Mike Newton, and now I was only one step above a peeping tom. This little brunette was screwing up my life, and I'd only known her for four days. Yet I couldn't turn away; I couldn't get enough.

When I had been with Tanya, my family accepted her, but they were never really friends with her. I think they kind of knew she was destined to screw me over. Me being me, I never listened to the warnings. Alice tried the hardest to get along with her. Rose was a total bitch to her, no surprise there. I don't ever remember Em and Jazz holding conversations with her. Yet they were with Bella, goofing off, playing. Acting like they wanted to be around her, not like they were forced to be.

I thought back to my conversation with Jazz on Friday;  _anything to openly defy Jessica,_ he said. If I made Jess mad, it would make Mike mad. However, Rose and Alice would be happy. If they were happy, Emmett and Jasper would be happy. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Wait...was I really doing this? Looking for excuses to have a friendly conversation with a girl? I remembered my dream from the previous night. My mind drifted back to the photo in the backyard. Bella laying next to me, cuddled into my side, instead of Tanya. I was no fool; there was a part of me that found her attractive. But was that just my blue balls needing some release, or something more? The thought had occurred to me that I was just looking for a way to get back at the Chief, but no, I liked my freedom and my cock-n-balls. I barely knew this girl, the only conversation I had with her involved me bringing her to tears.

Whatever the reason, I was pulled towards her. She was like the fucking bug zapper and I was the stupid ass moth. Even though I knew it would end with my ass torn apart, one way or another, I still wanted to be closer. Maybe Alice was brainwashing me in my sleep; I wouldn't put it past her. Ok then, in Biology I was going to talk to her. When the bell rang I walked into class. I tried to plan in my head what I was going to say. I just couldn't nail it down. I could think of 10 ways to be an ass to her but this nicey-nice make you feel good bullshit just wasn't my bag. I tried to pep-talk myself as I took my seat, 'Whatever cockamayme bullshit comes to mind, Edward, but whatever the fuck you do you must not make her cry'. Geez, if Alice knew what I was thinking right now, she'd probably start doing back flips down the fucking hallway. Funshine Crack Fairy on speed.

* * *

"Ok, tell me  _exactly_  what you said to her, word for word." Alice was interrogating me in my room. There was no sense trying to hide it, she'd get it out of me one way or another. I repeated the earlier conversation from Biology. She bit her lip, concentrating. "Maybe it was because you told her Mike wanted to have sex with her. That would make  _me_  cry."

"Alice, Mike  _does_ want to have sex with you...I don't think that's it, I'm sure she was aware that fact. She made a joke about it." And then she ran out of the room, bawling her eyes out. I don't get it? "I was really trying not to be a dick, I swear." I put one hand over my heart. She smiled. Alice was sitting on the edge of my bed, one foot tucked under her. She turned and fell backwards, so she was lying down crossways on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I swung around and flopped down too, sort of at a right angle to her, so that our heads were touching. We used to do it all the time when we were kids; we called it putting our heads together. Anytime we were plotting how to get out of trouble or in to it depending on who was leading the conversations. Now we just stared at the ceiling. A few years ago, Jazz and I got really bored and glued a bunch of CDs and records above my bed. In time it became sort of a collage, or shrine to our music taste, depending how you look at it. We stuck concert tickets and autographs up there too. Anything that reminded us of the awesome times we had just rockin' out.

"Don't you ever worry that all that stuff is going to fall on you in your sleep?" Alice looked a little uncomfortable with all our history looming over her head.

"Not really. We used super glue."

Alice took a deep breath and then let it out in a sigh like she couldn't hold something in anymore, "What are we going to do about Bella?" I had no response. I kept picturing her face. Today, I got a really good look at her, staring at her from my hiding place. She was cute in an imperfect way. Her eyes a little too wide, her bottom lip ever so slightly bigger than the top. She had freckles, but they were barely noticeable. It worked for her though. She certainly turned the head of every guy in Forks…..every guy. She wasn't supermodel gorgeous like Rosalie or even primly perfect like Alice. She was just beautiful…..like Bella.

"She was asking questions about you today." That got my attention. I wonder what the hell she wanted to know about me. Why I was out of jail, maybe? What type of medication I was on?

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Like, why you were a dick and why her father hated you." Oh, is that all?

"Yeah, she asked me that too." She seriously doesn't know why her dad hates me. I would have guessed he gave her the low down the minute her feet hit Washington soil. This made me feel bad. I assumed she knew and reacted like she had already made her mind up about me. I was a fucking moron sometimes.

"She made it a point to stress the fact that she  _wasn't_  her father this morning." Really? Why was this fact pleasing to me? "There's something going on there, Edward. I mean, most of the time she's …there, but sometimes I'll sneak a peek at her and she looks like she's off somewhere. And she seems so sad. Does that make any sense?"

"No, not at all. I'm lost." Totally fucking confused.

"Stupid boys. Never understand anything. She zones out when she thinks no one is paying attention. She gets this look on her face, I can't describe it." She does? I haven't seen that. Why haven't I seen that?

"That's helpful.", like not at all.

"Ok then… _you_  try and figure her out. See how well  _you_  do." That put a lull in the conversation. Was that a challenge? Did I want a challenge? Why was she so sad? I didn't want her to be sad….several minutes passed. We were both deep in thought.

Finally, out of the blue, Alice dropped a fucking bomb."You like her, don't you?"

"What? No, I don't...I mean, well she's cute…but…oh, what the hell." Well fuck. What was the point, she could read me just as well as I could read her. "She's got me curious. She's not what I imagined. I've only spoken to her twice, both times ending badly."

"We all like her Edward, even Rose. She has a makeover planned." I don't think I want Bella getting a Rose makeover. "It's been a year… don't you think, maybe, it's time to move on?" Not this again. I rolled over and looked her in the face. I could feel the heat building in my face.

"Move on? How would you feel if Jasper fucking ripped your heart out and stomped all over it then I told you to move on? I bet you wouldn't fucking like hearing it…all the time… by everyone in the family. I'll move on when I'm fucking good and ready. Stop fucking pushing Bella on me. I'm not into the whole Romeo and Juliet thing. It's cliché." I was yelling. Shit, I was yelling at Alice. I never yelled at her. She just stared at me, trying to hide the hurt, but I knew it was there. God fucking Damn it! Alice is the one person I can't stand to hurt. "Alice, I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry." All I could do was hang my head and sigh. All the anger was gone now, only despair left.

"It's ok. I'm sorry I brought it up." No, it wasn't ok. Not to me it wasn't. I had to make it better. It killed me to see Alice's eyes watery. I swear if she cried I'd have to run myself over for being such a fucking dickward. I knew how to make her feel better, I had to share.

"I dreamt about Bella last night." She bolted upright, so excited she could barely contain herself.

"Really? Tell me everything!" I knew that would work. Welcome back Funshine Crack Fairy.

"Don't get yourself all worked up, it wasn't anything major. You remember that picture of me and Tanya? The one from the backyard? I dreamt Bella was in her place." No need to let my sister in on the horny details…I'll keep those for myself. She leaped forward and tackled me with a hug.

"I knew it. The first time I saw her, I had a vision of you two together."

"A vision? Jesus Alice, don't tell me you're psychic now." She just giggled. I could see the thought forming in her head. "No, you are not going to tell Jazz." She started to pout. "I don't know what it means, ok? It was just a dream. Like I said, she's got me curious. It might not lead anywhere. It's not likely that Charlie is going to willingly let me date his daughter. He'd sooner take me cliff diving with cement shoes over in La Push. First we need to actually talk, without her running away in tears. Let's just see how that goes."

"But it's a start." With that she gave me a kiss on the cheek and got up to leave. "Good night Edward. Sweet dreams."

"Haha! Very fucking funny!" I called after her. I was going to regret this; she'll never let it go. I stripped down to my boxers and got under the covers. I was still wondering what I did to make her cry. I replayed the day.

When I first got to Biology, I still hadn't figured out what to say to her. I had almost scrapped the whole thing. Until I saw Newton. He walked in like he was hot shit. We were watching each other when Bella came in; he winked at me and turned towards her, blocking her way to our table. I felt my body tense. He was hitting on her, just to spite me. He knew there was nothing I could do, not here. I was silently hoping she'd just haul off and kick him in the nuts, but she just brushed past him looking very uncomfortable. When she glanced over at me, Damn it, I froze again. She had that effect on me. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Maybe it was me telling her to mind her own fucking business? No, that couldn't be it, because after that was when she looked me in the eyes and I totally lost it. I struggled for control, like a dog vying for dominance but when it became too much, I broke contact. I guess we know who's the weak one.

I closed my eyes, remembering hers. Yeah, they were wide, but so fucking what, they were a deep chocolate brown, and they were beautiful. I took a deep breath, trying to remember her smell. Yeah… her scent brought back bad memories, but it was addictive. Like the sting of the injection to a heroine addict. As much as I hated to admit it, Mike was right; she did have a nice ass. And those lips, I wondered what it would be like to suck on the bottom one. Imagining that was starting to make my dick hard.

Shit. This wasn't going to happen. I was not going to jerk off to Bella. It was wrong, on so many levels. I tried to remember sex with Jess, that usually transformed the pink torpedo into an inflatable rowboat. That failed. Frizzy brown hair turned to straight. Caked on makeup turned to smooth pale skin. Before I knew it, Jessica turned into Bella, and I was sporting a blue-vein throbber. Fuck it. I doubted very much that she would like the same freaky things Jess liked, but it was my fantasy.

Bella laid out on my bed, looking like a ghost next to my black sheets. Hair sprayed around her head like a fan. I had a thing about white cotton bikini panties, so that's what I imagined her in, hugging tight to her firm hips. No bra, pink nipples pointed to the sky, hard with anticipation of my mouth. She rises up on her elbows then leans to one side, Crooking her finger and motioning me to her. I could see myself posed over her, her legs wrapping around me and pulling me to her as I licked from her collarbone to her ear, gently nibbling on her ear lobe. Bella responded by biting that fucking sexy bottom lip in pleasure. My tongue in her mouth, her hands in my hair, moaning, saying my name, all of these sensations mingling together pulling us both deeper into lust and making us want each other even more. In my fantasy, she even tasted like honey. I took Bella's nipple in between my teeth, feeling its spongy hardness and licking it with reckless abandon. She enjoyed it and told me so by moaning and arching her back and pushing in to me. I slipped one hand in her panties, feeling her soft wetness and searching for the heat that would tell me I was in the right spot. I found it and as I did she bucked her hips against me begging me to give her more. I was going to give it to her but not yet. I used my first two fingers to trace circles around the outline of her clit because I know that is what drives her crazy. I was right. She grabs my hair with both hands moaning and grinding against me. Our tongues exploring each other. I continue my caressing of her most sensitive spots with my fingers in her panties and move my tongue to her nipples. I can feel her legs start to quiver with desire and I can't hold it back any more. My dick pulses in anticipation. I sit back on my heels between her legs and run my hands up and down her thighs. I pause to make sure she's ok with going further. She is and lets me know lifting her hips slightly to ease the transition from clothed to fucking perfectly naked. I tucked my fingers into the front of her pretty white panties and slid them out toward her hips. I took a firm grasp of the sides and started to ease them down. My fantasy was in fucking over drive. As I envisioned her panties sliding down her milky thighs, I came.

While my breathing slowed, I felt slightly dirty. I had just jerked off to the vision of Bella Swan. I usually just saved these late night release sessions for women I never had the chance of meeting. Because, that's what fantasies were about, right? Wishing you could do something that you'll never have a shot in hell of doing.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I had no idea if I even liked this girl. Obviously, I was pretty damn attracted to her. I mean, it had been awhile, almost 6 months, but still. I usually didn't get all hot and bothered over the thought of a girl's lip.

There was no way I was going to talk to Alice about this. I couldn't really talk to Jazz about this either. He's only ever had a thing for one girl, and he had no trouble getting that. Emmett would be willing to talk about whacking it, but he would turn it into a joke and I'd never hear the end of it. You can just fucking forget about Rose, I only talk to her when I have to. So I guess I'm on my own with this one. What the fuck am I gonna do now. The scene in the picture taken in the back yard came back into my mind. Bella and I laying on a blanket in the back yard, tangled up in each other, in love. I rolled over, covered up… and smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

**BELLA**

Alice was twiddling her thumbs when I walked into English. She practically jumped out of her seat when she saw me.

"Bells, I'm sorry about yesterday…with Edward. He really wasn't trying to be a jerk. He swears. He's just not sure how to talk to you, given the history between him and your dad. I'm sorry too; I kinda forced him into talking to you. I just want us all to be friends; I'm kind of a hippy that way." She was all jittery. Was Alice apologizing for Edward, or was Edward apologizing through her? There really wasn't anything to apologize for, but I guess my hasty exit made it seem like he had done something wrong. I didn't exactly explain what was going on with all the blubbering and the grand emotional fail.

"Alice, no! Don't apologize. It wasn't anything Edward did or said." Do I dare tell her the real reason? Guilt. No, she'd just ask more questions, ones I wasn't ready to answer yet.

"Oh. Um, do you want to talk about it?" I could see it in her eyes that she really was there to listen.

"No." I didn't mean to be rude, but I really didn't want to talk about it. I wish I could share this with her. I wish I could share it with anyone, but I can't. Not yet. Even though I was pretty sure she saw through the happy Bella act, I wasn't ready to drop it. It was obvious from her expression that she wasn't going to accept that answer; however she wasn't the type to force me.

"Ok, when you're ready, I'm here." That was the end of that. We spent the rest of the class working on our midterm. I decided not to tell her what Charlie said about us working at my house, I was plotting to get to visit her house. I had to know the deal with Edward, and I didn't think my dad was going to tell me. He was one of those "because I said so" parents. There would be no explanation from him past "stay away from him, Bella".

Class ended and Alice and I made our way to the cafeteria still discussing our project. We were both really getting into it. I think it might actually end up being fun. No bitchy Jessica confrontations today, I seemed to be on her shit list. Oh darn. I couldn't even  _pretend_  to be disappointed. Alice was looking through her bag as we were walking.

"Damn it. I can't find my cell. I'm going to go check my locker. I'll see you at the table." What? Was I even welcome at the table without her? I know they were ok with me yesterday, but I could also tell that she was kind of the one in charge. I was accepted by association. "Don't worry; they all really did like you. Just watch out for Rose, she wants to give you a makeover." She turned and headed for her locker and I wandered slowly into the cafeteria. I didn't see anyone there yet, but by the time I was standing at the table, Edward was there. Both of us were just standing, staring.

"Oh, um, Alice is getting something from her locker. She said I could sit here." Ok Bella, you're not in kindergarten.

"Ok."His tone was flat. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. Because of yesterday, probably. It wasn't his…oh wait, he hadn't talked to Alice yet. Duh, I knew twins could do weird things, but I was pretty sure he couldn't read her mind.

"So, about yesterday, it wasn't you. I just, well, it wasn't anything you said." It was about the fact that I am feeling captivated by you, even though I barely know you, but I am rotten horrible person for doing it. Every time I get butterflies in my stomach because you look at me I am betraying someone else, someone I love…with all my heart. And I can't stand myself…or the guilt.

"Oh, well …that's good." Still no eye contact. Fine then, fuck you too. We sat in silence waiting for the others to show up. It seemed like hours had passed before Emmett and Rosalie arrived. They kind of hovered, not knowing whether to sit down or back away slowly. Finally they decided to sit, but seemed very uncomfortable. More silence, Damn it, when was Alice going to get here? You could cut the tension with a knife. I was going to just get up and leave when Emmett loudly cleared his throat.

"Bella, this is Edward, my cousin. He's an asshole but he plays a mean guitar. Edward, this is Bella. She's new and really cute when she blushes but she could trip over a smooth flat surface while holding onto a handrail so make sure you catch her before she falls on her face." Emmett put a little emphasis on the part. I get more curious about this family every day. "Good now that we are all friends, I'm going to eat my lunch before I fucking starve to death waiting for you two dingle berries to get the nerve to talk."

Edward and I shared a glance, but only for a second. Rose started talking about her makeover plans for me. What the fuck was everyone's problem with my clothes? Alice finally showed, holding hands with Jasper and looking a little rumpled. Damn her, while I was getting the cold shoulder from Edward, she was getting something hot from Jasper. I forgave her though, as soon as she distracted Rose with a new magazine and started talking about an upcoming Stone Sour concert. That got Edward animated, along with Jasper, and I was slightly forgotten. I didn't mind one bit. It gave me a chance to see him relax and be himself. He was cute and funny…when he put his guard down and stopped being such as prick. Why the hell did Charlie hate this boy? He didn't seem so bad. Alice wanted us to be friends; I couldn't imagine her wanting anyone to be friends with a psychopath. Edward was handsome, and his eyes, those damn eyes. I found myself hoping we really could be friends, like Alice wants. More than that? I was doubtful…I can't see me letting myself do that. It wouldn't be fair to him. What if he wanted more? It would be selfish to be with him just so I wouldn't be alone when I could never give my heart to him…not entirely. Someone else already had it.

I was staring at Edward again, but no one seemed to notice. Other than him. Finally some eye contact! His eyes bore right into mine. I peered right back. The whole world melted away. It was just me and him, no words, no sounds, just us. I had no idea how long the moment lasted, but it was long enough for the guilt to come bubbling up again. No, not now. I felt the tears starting to well in my eyes. It took several ragged breathes to control it. I couldn't run out of school again, I promised Charlie. Edward noticed and leaned forward, as if to reach for me. I shook my head; his touch, no matter how much I wanted it, would only make it worse. The moment was over and I was slammed back into reality.

Edward was the first to notice but not the only one. Alice wore an expression much like Charlie's had when I ran home last time. Jasper was nudging Edward in the shoulder. Rose was biting her lip, and Emmett, well he just looked confused.

"Bella, honey, is everything alright?" Alice was holding my hand. I took one more deep breath. The guilt was still there, but no more than the usual dull ache.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry." Shit, I just couldn't seem to hold on to Happy Bella around these people. Was I always such a bad actress, did I fool anyone? Or were they just the only ones that cared enough to see through it? They were seeing me for the mental flake I really was, and they looked genuinely worried. Leave it to Emmett to break the tension.

"It's ok Bells; I tend to have that effect on women. Just ask Rose, she was nearly catatonic after she first met me. I know… it's a burden I must bear alone." He put his hand on his heart and looked all forlorn. "These two fuckers…."He motioned to Edward and Jasper who both had the deer- in-the-headlights look "…are practically handicapped when it comes to having Mojo." Edward and Jasper both looked at each other and said "what?" in unison. I giggled at that, actually fucking giggled. It slipped out, and before I knew it turned into a full blown laugh. If I had been sitting with Jess, she surely would have thought I was a nutcase, but at this table, they all joined in. Except Edward. He released a breath he had apparently been holding, and just cracked a smile. That crooked grin again, I quickly looked away before the whole thing started all over. Emmett kept up with the jokes, and Alice kept a close watch on me. When lunch was over, Edward came over to me and whispered in my ear.

"Are you really ok?" Having him that close to me…to my neck…made me take a sharp breath in. His breathe on my ear sent tingles over my entire body. This had to stop. Just friends, just friends, just friends, I chanted in my head. Other parts of my body weren't so sure though.

"Yes." I said softly when my muscles relaxed enough so I could let my breath out. The others didn't notice the exchange. Or at least they pretended not to.

"We better get to class. Bella, do you mind if I walk with you?" this was said loud enough for everyone to hear.

Alice was so excited; she was nearly jumping out of her skin. Jasper put his hands on her shoulders, as if to hold her down.

"That's fine." I said trying not to sound too eager. Edward and I left, walking next to each other. There was at least a good two feet of space between us, but it was enough to cause a stir over at Jessica's table. The girl seriously looked like she would scratch my eyes out with those fucking daggers on the end of her fingers given the chance. Great, now another question added to the list. Why the hell is Jess so jealous?

We made our way to our lab table. It was an awkward moment, I started biting my nails, and Edward had his hand in his hair. Guess we were both nervous.

Edward finally put his hand on the table and leaned toward me. "I know you said yesterday wasn't because of me, but I still wanted to apologize, for last week. I shouldn't have been such a dick."

"Alice is making you apologize, right? She's the one that wants us to get along." Better to know the truth. Give him an easy way out.

"Alice told me I should. I was the one that decided I would."He looked me straight in the eyes as he said it, I knew he meant it. My heart started fluttering. "So, friends?" He held his hand out for me to shake.

"Yeah, friends." I reached over and shook his hand; his skin was warm and slightly rough…very manly. We held onto each other for a lingering second. I broke contact, as much as I didn't want to, I had to. I didn't want the guilt. I Couldn't stand any  _more_. I would already be paying hell tonight when I was alone with my thoughts…and the guilt.

The rest of the week went on much the same way. Alice and I becoming close during English, Emmett cracking me up, Rose showing me magazine clips of clothes and makeup, and Jasper expanding my musical horizons with his ipod. Edward barely spoke at lunch, usually just to suggest a band, or to exchange quips with Emmett. We talked a bit during Biology, but it was mostly just making fun of Mike's ass fetish, which Edward confirmed to be fact. I razzed him about how he had such intimate knowledge of this fact. He puffed up his chest to look as masculine as possible, deepened his voice and explained that he'd overheard many girls complaining about it. We both laughed but on the inside I was on a rollercoaster ride. Damn, why did he have to do that. How could I hide my swooning when he does shit like that? It was the sexiest thing I had ever bared witness to.

By Thursday, none of my questions had been answered, and Alice was pushing me to decide when we were going to work on our play. Time was running out but I was a determined woman with no plan. I finally got my lucky break Thursday night during dinner with Charlie.

"You seem to be doing better, Bella." Apparently Charlie had noticed a lift in my mood as of late but had been keeping his observations to himself, in case it was short lived.

"Um, yeah, I guess I am feeling a little better." and you'll never guess why, Dad. I smiled and looked at him with the best Happy Bella yet…almost no acting.

"Harry Clearwater called today, you remember him?" I nodded, I could barely make out his face in my mind, but I remembered the name. "He asked me to go fishing with him this weekend. But it's an overnight trip so…."

"Dad, you should go! You love to fish." He didn't need to watch over me, I didn't want to be a burden. He deserved a happy life. And it would give me a chance to meet with Alice….at her house.

"Will you be ok, here, without me?" Yes, because I won't be  _here_.

"Yes, I'll be fine. Alice was going to come over to work on our midterm. Maybe I'll ask her to stay over." Lying had never been so easy for me. Charlie wasn't sure if he should believe me; my happy answer was a total 360 from Monday's episode. One thing I had going for me, was that I didn't have a history of lying. He finally accepted it with a nod.

"I'll call him after dinner then." We had barely finished dinner when my dad grabbed my hand. He put his other hand on my chin and tilted it towards his face. "Please don't slip when I'm gone. I don't think I could handle coming home to that." Tears filled my eyes and I pulled my face away; I hadn't even thought my quick agreement to him leaving would be taken that way.

"I won't slip dad. I promise." I looked him in the eye to make sure he knew I meant it, I really did.

"Ok Bella, I love you." He believed me. That's why he was going, if he had any doubt he would never have even told me about the invitation. He would never take a chance like that. I bet even now he'd have some of the people in town driving by or keeping tabs on me. Better be careful.

"I love you too dad." He kissed my forehead and went upstairs. I felt horrible. He could tell I was plotting something, only he was wrong about what it was. If he knew what I was really planning, to get closer to Edward, and find out everything I could, he'd never let me out of his sight again. He'd probably break all of his fishing poles….up Edwards ass, I'm guessing.

I waited until I could hear my dad snoring, then I dug out the phone number for Alice's cell. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" She was probably thinking 'who the hell is calling me at this time of night?'.

"Hi, Alice? It's Bella." I thought I could hear Jasper whispering 'who is it?' but I wasn't sure.

"Bella! This is a surprise. What can I do you for?" sneaky way to answer his question without being too obvious, Alice, I might want to take notes from you.

"Well, I wondered if it would be all right if I came over to your house tomorrow night, to work on our play." There was silence on the other end. Uncomfortable pause.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, with your dad and all?" I could tell she was a bit confused. Hell hadn't frozen over as far as she knew so how would that be ok with Charlie.

"I think it will be ok." I really didn't want to get into details. I didn't want to admit that I was lying to get into her house. Well, not really lying, just omitting the truth….almost as bad.

"Ok, well, yeah, it should be ok. Edward is going to Jazz's house tomorrow anyways. The boys are going to do some male bonding…something about a Kevin Smith movie marathon." Shit, all this hassle and he wasn't even going to be there. Oh well, too late now, plus it would be nice to hang out with Alice outside of school.

"That will work." not as much as I'd like but good enough, for now.

"Yea! Ok, we'll hash out the details tomorrow. See you then! Bye Bella!" As I hung up the phone I think I heard Jasper say "Bye Bella", but Alice hushed him.

Ok, so the plan was changing. I'd still work with it. I was feeling a little excited. I laid back on the bed and reached my hands behind my head. Out of habit my right hand found its way into my pillowcase and I felt my locket. Then I felt an overwhelming sadness. Was he watching me? Was he witnessing my reactions to Edward? I couldn't bare that. All I could do was apologize to thin air.

"I'm so sorry Jacob." and the flood gates opened, taking me down into the depths of guilt-ridden despair. I hated myself.

**EDWARD**

Alice and Jasper came walking out of her room and over to my doorway. She was just saying goodbye to Bella, why the hell was she talking to Bella…at this time of night. Was she ok? Alice gave Jasper one last kiss as he walked out the balcony door to shimmy down the trellis in the usual manner.

"Bella is coming over here tomorrow." Good. She must be ok.

"Charlie is allowing this? Did I miss the pig migration?" There was no fucking way he was allowing this, not knowingly.

"I don't think she's telling me the whole story, but you aren't even going to be here, so it really shouldn't matter to him." True, but now I suddenly wanted to be here.

"How's the 'friendship' going between you two?" she asked for details every fucking day. I guess Bella wasn't giving anything up either.

"I don't know. Ok, I guess. I haven't made her cry lately." I was actually quite proud of myself. Dickward hadn't shown up for days. Maybe the prick had left for good, naw, probably not. I'm sure he'd make an appearance at the most inopportune time. Fucker.

"Well that's a plus." She was curled up in the giant black bean bag chair I had next to my bed. I was sitting in the floor, leaning against my dresser, lightly strumming on one of my guitars. She had been busy with Rose the past few days, helping her redecorate her bedroom. We haven't had the chance to have our little talks. "Are you ever going to tell me what the hell happened at lunch on Tuesday?"

Ah, Tuesday. At first, I had been embarrassed to even fucking look at her, I kept picturing my fantasy andthe fucking amazing white cotton panties. I couldn't talk to her; for fear that I would somehow admit I had jerked off to her the night before. Then I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and there was no one else in the fucking world but her. Jasper and I had been discussing the concert, but his voice just faded away. This girl was just fucking beautiful. Was she completely unaware of the effect she had on me? At that moment, Tanya, Jessica or any other girl didn't exist. I wanted to hold her, nothing else, just hold her and feel her body next to mine. I finally saw the sadness in her eyes Alice had told me about. God, how could I have been so fucking blind? It was right there, practically screaming at me. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. What had I done this time? Then it hit me, god I really was a fucking moron, a complete fucking narcissistic asshole, this wasn't my fault. There was something going on and it was tearing apart. She said it wasn't me that made her cry, but I didn't really believe her. Now I knew it, I could see it. I wanted to help her, comfort her, to fight the beast away for her. I reached for her, forgetting we were in the middle of a crowded room. She shook her head no, I pulled back not really wanting to but not wanting her to hurt even more. I didn't relax until Em made her laugh. I don't think I ever loved Em more, the sound of her laugh made my heart skip a beat. Even if it was at my expense. Only Emmett would think to make a joke of Jasper and I having no mojo. Jasper had to practically beat the girls off with a stick if he was anywhere without Alice and I never had a problem turning girls' heads, outside of Forks where everyone thought I was a psycho.

I had to let Alice in on what I was thinking, "I saw it Alice. The pain. What the fuck is eating at her?"

"I'm not sure. She won't talk about it, but then again, we've never talked out of school. I'm just glad Emmett makes her laugh. She seems to be relaxing around us."

"I want to help her. That look on her face, I feel like I have to protect her from herself. God, Alice what the fuck am I doing? I can barely take care of myself." I banged my head against the dresser.

"Maybe you two were meant to take care of each other." Ever the insightful twin. "By the way, what did you do to piss of Jessica? Rose and I heard her in the bathroom, and she was calling you every name in the book." I laughed at that one, I've heard Jessica do this in person and knew it was a sight to see. Her fucking lipstick caked lips flapping like a whippoorwills ass in a windstorm pouring torrents of profanities at the helpless bystanders.

"Oh, on Tuesday when I walked with Bella to Biology, she was watching. She looked like she was about ready to fucking pounce. So I reached my arm behind Bella and flipped her off. Fucking bitch. I'm stilling scrubbing her stank of me." I had a feeling it was going to come back and bite me in the ass, but I'd deal with that shit when it came. Alice just laughed and picked up her sketch book. I kept absently strumming. We were pretty close, even for twins. We could spend hours with each other in comfortable silence.

I was daydreaming. Trying to decide whether I preferred that picture in its original form, with Tanya, or with Bella in her place. I was weighing their differences in my head.

Tanya had been fucking hot, the kind of hot you rarely see in a high school girl, more like a music video. She was tall, almost as tall as me, with shoulder length strawberry blonde hair. While Rose had always been popular, it came naturally to her, Tanya fought for popularity. I'm pretty sure it was one of the reasons she started dating me in the first place. She was a spoiled brat, everyone always giving into her, and I was the worst one. She had never had any real sadness in her life. Looking back, I'm not sure she ever really fucking loved me at all. She was a very good actress...very good.

Bella has what Alice called, Old Hollywood beauty. Her features would look like flaws on anyone else. She was ungraceful, socially and physically. She would never be the most popular girl in school, but I saw that as a plus for her. She obviously had some trauma in her life, she could understand pain. Bella was smart, I'd watched her do the Biology assignments in class, and she answered every question with ease. Tanya had barely been able to manage a fucking "C" average. Bella was already friends with the most important people in my life, and it wasn't faked or forced.

However, Bella had one huge black mark against her; her fucking dad. If he knew the kind of thoughts I was having about his daughter, he'd fucking personally chop my dick off. We would have to hide, constantly, even at school. Our relationship would never be comfortable; we'd forever be looking over our shoulders.

"Just choose Bella, we'll work it out." Alice said, never looking up from her drawing. Damn, can a guy ever have a personal thought?

"But what if Bella doesn't choose me?" We were kind of getting ahead of ourselves. Even though we had that moment at lunch, I had no way of knowing if it gave her the same feeling it did to me. She was willing to be friends, but also a little guarded. Alice didn't have a quick response for that one.

"I think even if Bella doesn't, you would still be in a better place if you let go of Tanya. Don't get mad, Edward, but you are living in the past. Tanya treated you like shit, even before the end. I just want you to be happy again. You've changed so much, it's like you've forgotten the Edward you used to be. I miss  _my_  Edward, my twin. Even if it's never going to work out between you and Bella, you owe it to yourself to try. You can't live the rest of your life never taking a chance. You are going to get hurt again, probably fifty more times before you die, but that's just the way it is. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living the way you are now?" I knew Alice was right, but it just wasn't that simple.

"I can't just decide this overnight. This is going to take some time." I was trying to buy some time from Alice. I didn't want her hounding me day and night. My mind was nearly made up already but I didn't want her to know that.

"Alright, but don't take too long, or it might be too late." That was a thought I just couldn't stomach. My decision was made. Goodbye Tanya.

**BELLA**

Alice was trying to describe where her house was but I was completely lost. This place just looked like one section of forest after another. It seemed like there were no markers to help guide you on your way. We were trying to finalize our plans to work on our midterm project but I just couldn't seem to get where this huge house, out in the middle of no-where, was….it was kinda like trying to tell a blind person to look for a needle in a haystack, or an Arizonian to find a house in a bunch of trees, same thing. "How about if I just follow you in my truck." I finally gave up even trying to figure it out.

"Sounds good, I'll just have to remember to drive slowly! I don't think your truck could keep up with my car."

"What kind of car do you drive?"a Buick, Chevy, Ford maybe.

"A Porsche" My jaw dropped. She said it so casually, like everyone drives one.

"A Porsche, like an actual Porsche?" or did she mean some common POS that she calls her "Porsche"?

"I don't drive it that much though, it creates quite a stir." a real one then.

"Well, yeah." are you kidding me? a Porsche.

We were walking to our table. I smiled to myself,  _our table_. I actually had friends, it was becoming a regular thing for me to laugh with Emmett, and talk music with Jasper. Alice was quickly becoming a best friend. I felt a little childish, but it had been so long since I had lived out from under a cloud of depression, I didn't care if I was childish.

Edward was already there as usual. We never spoke directly at lunch, but there was the occasional glance or smile. We saved our talking for Biology. We hadn't had another guilt-ridden emotional breakdown moment, but the friendship was blooming. I was feeling more comfortable around him. Happy Bella was becoming easier to play.

After lunch, Edward and I walked to Biology together. Day by day, we walked a little closer. Today Jasper and Alice followed behind us, Alice chattering nonstop until we said goodbye. He pulled out my chair for me as he sat down at our lab table. Well this is new. I like it.

You are coming to my house tonight, huh?" I've been wondering if he knew. I wonder if he will make an appearance. I hoped…

"Yes."

"What does Charlie have to say about that?" Oh, that you are going to get real familiar with his fishing rod in the very near future, or at least that's what he would say, if he knew about it.

"Nothing, you aren't going to be there." I wasn't lying, just bending the truth.

"No, I'm not."Was that disappointment? I wasn't sure how to take this. The questions about this boy were piling high. Mr. Banner started class and we didn't get a chance to speak again. We actually didn't get to speak until Alice and I made our way out to her car. He was leaning against a silver car; I started blushing and had to look away. My mind was having a hard time keeping the sexual thoughts suppressed as of late….especially with him leaning against that car that way looking incredibly hot.

"Alice, where's Jazz?" Edward looked like he was looking to explain why he was standing there waiting. I wondered if it was only Jazz he was waiting for. Hmph, had to be.

"He's coming, don't worry. So, Bella…  _this_  is my car." I was stunned; it was a bright yellow Porsche. I wasn't really a car person but this car was awesome.

"Wow. Just… wow." As I stood there dumbfounded, Jasper came jogging up.

"Hey man, let's go get our Kevin Smith on! Hey baby!" he grabbed Alice up, kissed her goodbye and hopped into the silver car Edward was leaning against. Edward turned to me and gazed into my eyes. The sun shining into his emerald eyes really was enticing.

"Goodbye Bella." He stood there paused, looking at me like something should come next, only I didn't know what it was.

"Bye Edward." I flashed him a smile and looked away. With that he got into the car and drove off.

"Are you ready to go?" Alice's voice broke into my train of thought, which was on the fast track to Ed-central station. I went to my truck and followed Alice out of the parking lot. I could tell she was struggling with the slow driving, and I didn't blame her. If I owned a car like that my gas pedal would probably never leave the floor.

We drove for awhile, towards the outskirts of town. I felt like we were going to drive forever, when Alice turned down a barely noticeable gravel road. The trees on either side were huge and they had grown in such a way that they bowed slightly towards each other so their tops almost touched. It was a mildly sunny today but almost no light shone through onto the road. The road was long, and it sort of felt like I was being lead into a horror movie. I chalked it up to the fear of the unknown. Finally we pulled into an opening and there stood the biggest house I'd ever seen. It was a three story white Victorian house with a huge front porch and a matching balcony on the second level. The house itself looked old, but definitely not run down. The garage off to the side looked almost brand new but you could tell it was designed to go with the house. The garage was huge. I wondered how many cars the Cullen's had to warrant a garage that size. Alice parked in the front, and I parked behind her. I followed her, a bit awestruck, up the brick stairs to the front door.

"Alice, your house, it's amazing." I must have looked like a tourist the way I was walking and gazing at the magnificent house. I don't think I have ever seen a more beautiful home, not even on TV.

"Oh thanks, but it's all my Aunt Esme. This house has been in the Cullen family for generations. Uncle Carlisle's grandparents let it fall apart. She's been working on it for years." We walked in and I was immediately greeted by the scents of baking, clean linen and sweet perfume. It made my whole body relax, this place felt like home. How could they ever stand to leave?

"Alice is that you honey?" a pretty, small framed woman came out of the kitchen. She had a towel thrown over her shoulder. I could see some similarities between her and Alice, but she looked more like her son, only about 150 pounds lighter and at least a whole foot shorter. "Hi, you must be Bella; I'm Esme, Alice's aunt." She made her way over and gave me a sweet short hug, the kind that made you really feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"Hi Mrs. Cullen. It's nice to meet you. You have a beautiful home." If you looked in the dictionary, under mother, her picture should be there. I had the urge to hug her again and cry on her shoulder. She looked like she would never give up on her child and send her to away to her father in the middle of bum-fuck- Egypt, just because she suffered set back.

"Thank you, dear. Please, call me Esme. Rosalie and Jasper do. Are you going to be staying for dinner? You're welcome to; Edward is going to be eating at Jaspers, so even with Emmett here we'll have plenty of food." She giggled like a school girl. I loved her instantly.

"I would like that, thank you." Who wouldn't .

"Great! Carlisle should be joining us shortly, as long as there are no emergencies at the hospital. We'll be having Chicken Cordon Blue. You guys go study, and I'll call you when it's ready." She went back into the kitchen and Alice led me to a small study, well small compared to the rest of the house, it was actually bigger than my bedroom.

"Your Aunt is really nice." I felt like I had to say something, let her know how lucky she was.

"Thanks. She's pretty awesome…" guess she already knew "…she takes great care of us. Now let's get this play started." We focused all our attention on our midterm. We wanted to get as much as possible done before dinner. We still had a couple weeks until it was due, but Alice said Mr. Berty gave you extra points if you handed stuff in early. About three hours after I arrived, Esme called us to the table.

Rose, Emmett and Dr. Carlisle were already seated. Emmett smiled his big goofy grin when he saw me.

"Hey! My Jelly Belly! You just couldn't get enough of me at school , huh? That's ok, but you're gonna start making my Rose jealous. Hmm…maybe you guys should fight it out? I'll get the jello." I laughed and Rose rolled her eyes but joined in the laughter. I think if I had been any other girl, Rose would have gotten rid of me the first time Emmett flirted. I thought of him as a big brother, and she knew it. She knew I was no competition for her.

"Bella, how nice of you to join us. How have you been feeling?" Dr. Cullen was sitting at the head of the table, looking sexy as hell. I blushed.

"I'm feeling much better, thank you." I probably looked sick the way my cheeks were flush. No sickness, just embarrassment for lusting over my best friend's uncle.

"Great, now let's eat before Em passes out." Dinner was filled with conversation; Dr. Cullen and Esme asking about everyone's day, even mine. I was completely comfortable. This was a real family. Not that I didn't love mine, but Charlie barely spoke and Renee was usually too scatterbrained for us to have any real mother daughter time.

After we finished eating, Alice and I helped Esme clean up. Alice asked if I wanted a tour of the house. Of course, I immediately said yes. It was huge, even bigger than it looked from the outside. She showed me her art studio in the basement, and Edward's music room.

"He has a music room?" for some reason this surprised me. I knew he liked to  _listen_  to music but it never occurred to me that he would like to  _make_  music.

"Yeah, he lives and breathes music. He and Jasper spend most of their free time in here. He plays piano, guitar, some bass. He sings too, but he thinks he sucks. Usually Jasper sings and plays bass." I tucked that information away for later use. Alice seemed to be in a sharing mood, I wondered if I could get any answers out of her. We continued the tour, ending at a door painted a deep purple.

"And this is my room." We walked in and all I saw was color. Bright colors everywhere. All the walls were painted a different color. Pictures, drawings, and books lined the shelves. It was perky, but not in an annoying way, much like Alice.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your books?" I couldn't be in a room full of books and not take a look, I really hoped she wasn't the possessive type when it came to her books…some people can be like that, like me.

"No, go ahead! If you see anything you really like, you can borrow it." Taking a look at her collection, I wanted to borrow every single one. There were even some First Editions. As Alice watched me practically drool over the books; she turned on her stereo, and settled down on the purple couch under the picture window.

I gazed over the pictures; they all included her family. Edward and Jasper goofing off, summer vacations at a beach, her and Jasper at dances, Alice and Edward when they were kids. I walked around the room, taking in everything. When I went to join her on the couch, a picture on her nightstand caught my eye. It was Alice and Edward when they looked about six or seven. They were sitting on a smiling woman's lap. I leaned over to get a closer look at the picture. The woman looked like Esme, only her features were more similar to Alice's than Emmett's. She had deep green eyes and beautiful flowing bronze hair.

"Alice, who is this? She is beautiful."

"Oh, that's my mother." I noted a change in Alice's tone and it called my attention to her face.

"Is she still alive?" I asked with apprehension, not wanting to seem intrusive.

"um…yes." I couldn't quite understand the expression in her voice. What happened to their mother? I guess I never really questioned it before, why she and Edward lived with their aunt and uncle instead of their parents.

"Where is she?" I looked over at Alice and a pained expression crossed her face. It shocked me. I had never seen Alice unhappy. She motioned for me to sit on the couch, and reached for the picture.

"She's in Chicago." I waited for her to go on; she stared at the picture for a few minutes, and then continued. "You know how Edward was gone when you first got here? Well, he was in Chicago visiting our mother. She lives there, in an institution." In an institution? As in, a mental institution? I wanted to know more, but I didn't want to hurt Alice by asking.

"Oh Alice, you don't have to talk about it if it makes you sad." It was only fair to give her the same courtesy she gave me.

"No, it's alright. It's not really a big secret. Our mom lives in a mental institution. She tried to take her own life." Shit, shit, shit. Way to pry, Bella.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. If you don't mind me asking, what happened?" Might as well crank the crowbar a little more. What a horrible friend I am…but I can't help but wonder.

"Back when Edward and I were twelve, my mom was getting ready to pick us up at school. It was pouring down rain. She ran out to the car, fumbling for her keys but when she looked in the window she saw them sitting in the ignition. She was always locking her keys in the car. My dad tried to convince her to put one of those key rocks in the garden but she refused. She was too worried about someone breaking in if they found it. Our front door always locked when you shut it, so she was stuck out in the front yard in the pouring rain. She called our dad on her cell, and he left work to give her his spare set… again. It was like the third time in a month. We lived by this busy intersection, and people were always getting into accidents there, but they were usually just fender benders. Mom could see him when he reached the intersection. He smiled and waved to her shaking his head. He had the green light, but a delivery truck was speeding, and didn't see the light change in time. The roads were practically flooded and the driver lost control of the truck and slammed right into my dad's car." Alice stopped and took a deep breath. I could feel her sadness. Tears were filling my eyes.

"Mom saw the whole thing. The paramedics knew my parents, through Uncle Carlisle, so they transported him to the same hospital that Carlisle worked at. He wasn't there that day, but everyone there knew our family. They did everything they could, but they weren't able to save him. My mom lost it. She wouldn't let go of his hand. When the nurses finally came around to take him away, several hours had passed. The staff started asking about me and Edward, where we were. Mom had completely forgotten about us." She turned and saw the repulsed look on my face.

"No, it's not as bad as it sounds. She had just watched the love of her life die, time didn't really matter. She started making phone calls to find us. School had let out around the same time the accident occurred. Edward and I waited for her, but after she was thirty minutes late, we just called Aunt Esme. No one at school knew that though, the last anyone had seen of us, we were sitting on the school steps. We usually just walked home. My mom had a friend from the hospital drive her to the school so she could see if anyone knew where we were. One of the secretaries sent an officer out looking for us. She gave him the wrong description though. She got Edward confused with Emmett, and told him to look for a brother and sister with dark hair and eyes. The officer started out to find us but barely reached the doorway when he received a call about two children matching our description that were killed in a hit and run just minutes earlier. Instead of waiting for more information the officer turned to my mom and said, "Sorry lady, but your kids were just killed. I guess you should have been here on time to get 'em". My mom thought we were dead, and it was her fault. In her mind she had lost her whole family in one day. She left without saying a word to anyone. She walked home, and broke a window to get in. I won't go into the gory details about what she did. Esme brought us home, and saw the broken window. She made us stay in the car, called Carlisle, and went inside. She found mom just time. It was days before we were able to see her. She missed dad's funeral. She was completely convinced we were dead. When we visited her, she had a massive panic attack. She thought we were ghosts…she still does actually."

I was crying. I couldn't believe Alice was so composed, but then again, she's probably told this story a dozen times.

"So you and Edward moved in with Carlisle and Esme, in Chicago?'

"Yes, Esme is our mom's twin sister. When it was discovered she would probably never get better, they officially adopted us. Carlisle actually sued the officer that told her we were dead, and won. He put the money in a college fund for us. When Carlisle's grandparents died, they left him this house, so he decided to fix it up and move us here, to his hometown. So we could start over."

"Do  _you_  go visit with her?"

"Yes, but I go with Esme. We each go once a year. It's not like we are trying to just abandon her in a hospital, but she really does think we are ghosts. It scares her. So we go separately. We also visit out father's grave, and our grandparents. It's really emotional and it takes a while to feel normal again once you get back home. I hope you don't think….I hope you still want to be friends, with us."

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry." Did I dare tell her I've lost a loved one too? I had been so wrong at first, Alice and Edward knew pain, knew it as well as I did. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love, I'm so sorry." My own story was right on the tip of my tongue, but this was her moment.

"It's ok really. We've learned to accept it. Carlisle and Esme are wonderful parents, and they love us like their own." I didn't know what else to say. Losing a parent, both parents really, made losing my boyfriend seem trivial in comparison, no matter how much I loved him. We sat in silence, both looking out the window. The sky turned dark, it started to thunder. I remembered something Renee told me when I was a kid.

"My mom used to tell me that when it thundered, it meant angels were bowling. Lighting meant they got a strike." Alice laughed.

"My mom used to tell us it meant vampires were playing baseball." She gave me a sideways look.

"What?" that had to be one of the strangest things I'd ever heard.

"Mom studied mythology and legend in college. She was always coming up with weird things." We both started laughing. We were both still giggling when there was a knock at the door. Carlisle came in.

"Bella, it's starting to get pretty bad outside. Are you spending the night?" shit, I wanted to, but I remembered that Charlie would probably have people driving by the house to check on me. I had been gone too long already.

"No, actually I better get home, but thank you." I got up to leave and Alice followed me downstairs.

"Call me and let me know you got home safely, ok?" I nodded and started to walk about the door, but Alice grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. I was stunned at first but it only felt natural to hug her back. "Don't be afraid to open up to us Bella. I can't explain it, but I think you two need each other." She let go, and I wandered down to my truck. My thoughts were racing. What the hell did that mean?

The rain was pretty bad, and I could just barely make out the road. By some miracle, I made it onto the main road. I was playing Alice's story in my head. They acted so normal. Yeah, Edward had an asshole side, but at least he wasn't falling apart every other day. You couldn't even tell Alice had experienced anything so traumatic. How did they do it? Was it just time? Or was it something else? Maybe they were normal and I was not. I was finding it impossible to move on.

They had a good support system. Charlie did the best he could, but he was only one person. They had each other, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and their aunt and uncle. They had already taken me under their wings, was it really time to open up and let them know the real Bella? the broken one.

Just as I was contemplating all this, my truck started to sputter. Shit what was going on? I knew I wasn't out of gas, I just filled it. I managed to get it to the shoulder when it died. I tried to start it, but it wouldn't even make a sound.

Great. I was stuck on the side of the road, in the middle of frickin' no-mans land, with no cell phone in the middle of a thunderstorm. I started to panic at first, but Charlie's genes kicked in and I realized it wouldn't do any good to fall apart right now. I decided to just wait it out until morning. I knew Charlie kept a flashlight in the glove box and a blanket under the seat. I pulled a book out of my bag to distract myself. I tried to read but every time the thunder growled or the lightning flashed I jumped, nearly spilling my book onto the floor of the truck. I surrendered to the notion that I wasn't going to get any quality reading done so I turned off the flashlight and wrapped myself a little tighter in the blanket. I was starting to nod off when I heard a sound that nearly made my heart stop. I bolted upright staring out into the blackness. There were a few seconds of silence then I heard it again. In my more alert state I recognized the sound immediately, a car horn. I struggled to look through the fog on the front window but managed to wipe a spot big enough to see a car parked in front of the truck.

Even in the dark, through the fogged up window, I could see it was silver. It looked familiar. The car door opened and in the light I recognized the car and the person.

Edward.


	9. Chapter 9

**EDWARD**

The whole time I was at Jazz's house, my mind just kept running over the same though,  _Bella is at my house, Bella is at my house._  The way she said goodbye to me today, the way my name rolled off her tongue made my mouth water. Her mouth was made to call out my name…between moans of course.

I hadn't shared my Bella-centered thoughts, pornographic or otherwise, with anyone. Even Alice didn't know that Tanya had finally been pushed off her pedestal in my mind. She was still there, of course, lurking the way a first love always does, but for the first time in months, she was not the center of my attention. What Alice had said to me, that if I waited too long, pushed me into a decision and knocked Tanya the fuck of her royal throne. I realized I couldn't stand hearing her say any man's name but mine. I wanted no one else to smell that sweet scent.

The only thing that soured my mood was I didn't know if she shared these feelings. I mean, a fucking dummy could see she was curious about me, even a little attracted. But that meant nothing. I have been curious about a lot of girls but I never gave them the fucking time of day beyond the curiosity. And there was the thing, whatever it was, that was making her so sad. Maybe she didn't have the emotional availability for me. That would be just my fucking luck. Jasper finally noticed something was up about halfway through  _Dogma_.

"Dude, just go home. She's probably still there. Maybe you can a glimpse." A glimpse was not what I wanted.

"It's not that fucking simple." I had no idea if she even wanted me there. What if her father found out?

"Yeah, it actually is that fucking simple. It's your house, and I'm willing to bet she wouldn't mind getting a glimpse of you either."

"Why, do you know something? Did she talk to Alice?" Jasper laughed.

"Ok, first, stop acting like a twelve year old girl. Second, as far as I know, she hasn't talked to Alice about you. But she obviously doesn't mind your company." Jasper was right. She didn't mind our walks to class, or our conversations. It  _was_  my house after all.

Since I knew Jasper so well and he was a guy I didn't really need to say goodbye, I just got up and went out to my car. As soon as I shut the fucking door, it started storming. Damn it, Bella had once mentioned at lunch that she didn't like driving in the rain, she probably left as soon as the sky got dark. Fuck it, I'll just go home and to hide out in the music room. Maybe her smell will still be lingering around.

As I drove home, the storm became nastier. I contemplated driving past her house, just to see, but Charlie knew my car. He probably had a shoot-on-sight order for any deputy who saw me within a mile of his house.

As I rounded the corner just before the turn off to my house, I saw a dark mass on the side of the road. I could barely make it out; it was raining fucking sheets now. I slowed down and turned on my high beams. It was Bella's truck.

My heart started racing. My mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. The cab was dark, I couldn't see if she was in it. What the fuck was she doing on the side of the road during storm like this? I pulled up next to the truck and still couldn't see anything. God, what the fuck was going on? A thousand images passed through my head, none of them good, and all of them ending in me beating the shit out of some unlucky fuck. I thought about texting Alice, to find out how long ago Bella had left, but I decided it would take too long. If she was in her art studio, she probably didn't even have her phone.

I pulled my car in front of the truck and honked the horn. There was no motion in the truck. I thought I was going to rip my fucking hair out. I honked again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I saw a small hand waving in the windshield. I relaxed slightly; at least she was able to move. I honked again, hoping she'd get the hint and get out of the truck. No go. I tensed again, maybe she was hurt, and couldn't get out. Shit, I got out of the car in the icy downpour and ran to her truck. I pounded on the window.

"Bella! Bella! Are you alright?" Open the door, please open the fucking door". I heard a creaking noise, and notice the window going down. As slow as a fucking snail. Damn it just let me know you're ok! "Bella, are you hurt, sick? Is everything ok?" I was frantic. Finally the window was down enough that I could see her face.

"Edward?" Unbelievably my heart sped up. Under any other circumstance it would have surely caused a heart attack, but I couldn't help it. I loved the way she said my name. "I'm fine, it's just the truck… It died; I don't know what's wrong with it." God, the truck died?

"But that's all, right? You aren't hurt or anything?" I tried scanning her body for any injuries she may not be aware of but she was all wrapped up in a blanket so I couldn't really see.

"No, I'm ok…all in one piece." I started to feel a little angry. I had just gone through a minor cardiac episode, and it was only her piece-of-shit truck.

"Why didn't you just call someone?" I said it more harshly than I intended.

"I don't have a cell phone." She started blushing and I wanted to kick my own ass.

"Oh. Well, pop the hood and I'll take a look." What good would that do? I would be lucky to see anything in the rain, not that I would know what the fuck to do anyway. I should call Emmett, or hell even Rosalie, either one of them could probably help more than me when it comes to fixing vehicles. She didn't need to know that though. And at least it would give me some shelter from this fucking torrential downpour for a minute. I just wanted to appear like I could be her knight in shining armor.

"Alright." She popped the hood and I attempted to look like I was trying something. Unfortunately, I was right and couldn't see a fucking thing. I closed the hood and walked back to the window.

"I can't tell what the problem is, not with the rain. Why don't I just drive you home…"

"NO!" Her outburst startled me. "Did you forget you can't be seen at my house?" I  _did_  forget, being around her made my brain foggy. Wouldn't want some overzealous deputy to pop a cap in my ass.

"Shit, that's right. Why don't I drive you to my house, and have Alice take you home." She shook her head.

"That won't work either." Well, what the fuck. "I  _need_  to get the truck home though." A light bulb went off above my head.

"You lied to Charlie, didn't you?" She started blushing again. God that was fucking hot.

"Yes... he's on a fishing trip. I told him Alice was going to spend the night at my house. If I leave the truck here he'll know." She lied? To get to  _my_  house? This got my heart racing again. I decided to be ballsy.

"I could always drive you to my house," I swallowed "and you could spend the night... with Alice of course. " I added quickly. "Emmett could come out and fix your car when the rain stops." The thought of her sleeping only one room away from me, made my knees go a little weak and my dick go a little hard. Get a fucking grip! A girl like this needs a man, not some wimpy little emo boy.

"I don't think what would be a good idea." Shot down, not that I could blame her. "I don't want to leave the truck. I'll just wait until morning. I can make it to that gas station up the road, it's not far."

"You aren't sitting here by yourself all fucking night. I'll wait with you." Please say yes, I'm fucking freezing. She thought about it, and then opened the door.

"Ok, you look cold." Well….it wasn't a no. Not exactly, "Yes get in and ravage my body", but not 'Fuck off' either. Good sign. I climbed into the driver's seat and shut the door. It wasn't very warm inside, but at least it was better than the rain. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Emmett will fix your truck for you. He'd probably love to get his hands on this old thing. Rose too." Bella turned her head sharply.

" _Rose_? Rosalie, who never has a speck of dirt on her. The Fashion Magazine Nazi. She works on cars?" She had such a look of stunned disbelief on her face that I started laughing.

"Yeah, you didn't know?" She shook her head, eyes wide in disbelief…so fucking cute. "She gets just as dirty as Em, sometimes worse. There's actually an old Chevelle in the garage that her and Em fixed up together. If you kiss her ass, she might let you ride in it."

"Wow. I guess I could trade a makeover for a ride in a Chevelle." I really didn't want Rose touching Bella, but the thought of her sitting in that sweet ass car got me a little excited. I started thinking of favors I could do so  **I**  could be the one to give her the ride.

Since the truck wasn't working, there was no heat. I was shivering my ass off, but trying to keep it under wraps. I was more worried about Bella being warm and safe, but the chattering teeth gave me away.

"I'm sorry, you must be freezing, and you're soaking wet." Even in the dark I could tell she was blushing. "Here, take some of my blanket." She slid closer to me, and gave me part of the blanket. Our knees touched and it was like a spark. It flew to both my heart and my dick; however I was more concerned about the heart. I was taking it as a clear sign that this wasn't just a blue-balls attraction. I pulled the blanket up around my chin to get warm. I wanted to reach under the blanket and just touch her. Not in a sexual way...well...yeah I really fucking wanted to do that too, but I just wanted to feel her skin under mine. I haven't had the pleasure of that yet. I didn't want to do anything that made her the slightest bit uncomfortable.

We sat there, both wrapped in the blanket, just listening to the rain. I moved my leg a little closer to hers and waited for a response. She didn't object, so I scooted down, and leaned against the door. I wanted to be closer her, but I also wanted to be comfy. I could just barely make out her face. She was looking down at her hands. When my eyes finally adjusted, I noticed that here eyelids were drooping.

"Bella, are you tired?"

"Yeah… I… uh… I didn't sleep good last night." Something about the way she said that, it made my heart break a little. Why isn't she sleeping well?

"You can lean on me and rest if you want; if it would be more comfortable for you." I could tell she was hesitant. "It's not a big deal. Alice falls asleep on me all the time." Yeah...make her think you are incestuous, great fucking idea. "You know, if we're up late watching movies or something."

"I guess that would be ok. Maybe it will help you warm up too. " She turned in the seat and slowly leaned back until her head was on my chest. I was still wet, so I bunch up some of the blanket into makeshift pillow. "Thank you." Bella turned her body so that she was lying on her side, her chest almost against my stomach. She curled her legs up and nestled into a little ball. I could feel the heat of her little body; it was all I could do to keep my breath steady. The last thing I needed was her thinking I was some perv trying to take advantage of her.

With her hair so close, the smell of jasmine and honey filled my nose. I had to fucking touch her, so I gently put my arm around her. At first she tensed, but when I made it clear that I wasn't trying anything, she relaxed. We lay like that for I don't know how long. I was warm, relatively comfortable and…happy.

When Bella snuggled closer to me, I almost fucking lost it. Her arm brushed just to the right of my dick, even through my jeans, I think it was hottest sensation I've ever felt. She wasn't doing it on purpose, I was sure that she was half asleep and not really aware. However that slight touch sent my perverted mind into over drive. Before I knew it, I was lost in fantasy.

I could just envision me leaning down and lifting her face up, ever so slightly brushing my lips against hers. She responds by opening her mouth and licking my lip with just the tip of her tongue. The kiss growing deeper as our tongues explored each other's mouths. Our breath growing more ragged and heavy. I reach down and grab her thigh, lifting her up so that she was sitting in my lap, her hair draping around my face like a curtain. My mouth left hers and worked its way down her neck, licking the sensitive point where her neck meets her shoulder. She closes her eyes and lifts her chin to give me more access. I take the opportunity to give her a little bite, gentle but firm. I can tell she likes it by the gyrating of her hips and the moans escaping her throat. My hands slowly found their way up her shirt, at first just caressing her velvety skin then getting more eager and unhooking her bra. I cupped her breasts pinching both nipples and feeling them harden in agreement. She rocked her hips, rubbing right against my dick. I could feel her heat even through both of our jeans. I really wish I could be closer to it. I reach down and grab the bottom of her shirt. I pull it up a little and wait to see if she is going to protest. She reaches down and pushes my hands off her shirt. I look at her disappointed but have to crack a grin when she reaches down and pulls her own shirt off over her head and tosses it to the other side of the truck, bra and all. I wanted full access to everything and apparently she did too. I went back to her breasts, biting, licking, sucking, until she was calling out my name letting me know she wanted more. God the sound of my name escaping from her lips in ecstasy made me harder than I ever thought I could be. I could feel my jeans straining against the size and hardness of me. She pulled off my shirt, kissing my chest all the way down to the edge of my pants. I was so excited I couldn't help but push myself against her. She noticed and began unbuttoning my pants. I felt the anticipation growing inside me and loving every minute of it. I was wondering what she was going to do next when she paused and looked up at me. Seeing her face posed over my cock with her eyes locked on my face was the sexiest thing. I almost couldn't stand waiting. She didn't make me wait long. She spread open my jeans and I couldn't hold back the moan as she reached inside. I closed my eyes so I could concentrate all of my senses on her hot hand wrapping around my dick. It would have been enough for me for her to just hold it, it felt so fucking good having her touch me this way. But true to her nature, she was going to take care of me. She moans as she tightens her grip and my dick pushes back against her as it gets impossibly harder. I can feel her stroking with just the right amount of force driving me insane with desire. I wanted to return the favor, I wanted  _her_  to have pleasure, and I wanted to give it to her. I unbuttoned her pants and felt my way gently into her panties. White cotton of course, my favorite. She was hot and wet, I could barely concentrate on what  _I_  was doing with her expertly handling my goods. My fingers easily slid around due to her creaminess. My mouth was watering but I didn't want to take it too far. I didn't know how she felt about oral sex, I know I am a fucking hard core fan, but I didn't want to ruin what we had going now. My thumb found her clit and my fingers found her opening. She jerked as I entered her, my thumb rubbing in circles. She rocked hard against me, causing my fingers to go deep inside her. She forgot about my hand job, but I didn't care, hearing her moan almost brought me to the edge by itself.

As my eyes rolled back into my head in my fantasy, Bella jerked in my reality. I froze, scared shitless that she somehow found her way into my brain and knew what I had just been dreaming. I listened to her breathing and realized she was still asleep.

Fuck, my cock was rock hard, and during her sleep, she had managed to slip down and was almost on top of it. That was no fucking good. I tried to think of anything that would ease my pain.  _Baseball, cheeseburgers, school, Chicago…Jessica…that did it,_ finally, I was calm again.

It was still raining outside. I remembered that I promised Bella that Emmett would fix her truck. I reached into my pocket for my cell, without disturbing Bella, and sent a text to Alice.

_Wheres Em?_

_Sleepin. Y? Where r u?_

_Long story. I need a favor…_

_Ok. Whats up_

_Can u and em drive to the main road tom? Tell him to bring his car toolbox_

_Y? R u stuck? Let me come get u_

_No, with Bella. Tell u tom_

_WHAT?_

_Nite Alice. C u in the morn_

_U better tell me EVERYTHING_

I laughed softly at the thought of the fucking tizzy my twin was probably having right now. I turned off my phone, and gave Bella one more look. She was still out, looking very peaceful. My heart ached, what if this was the only time I ever get to hold her like this?

I squeezed her a little tighter, leaned my head against the window and fell asleep.

**BELLA**

God, Edward smelled so good. There is NOTHING more attractive than a man that smells nice. It was frickin' freezing without the heater on but my beloved truck pulled a Jessica on me and was doing its best to freeze me solid. I was exhausted but my brain just wouldn't stop. I kept replaying the last few minutes over and over in my mind.

At first I was scared when I heard the honk. I thought maybe a car was out of control going around the corner in all this water. Then I heard it again. I am fairly sure if a car was skidding out of control it wouldn't honk once then pause and honk again. I tried to look out the front window but it was too fogged up, even when I tried to wipe a spot clean. I was trying to decide whether or not I should get out and see who it was when he appeared at my window. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw him standing there. Only Edward could look sexy in the wet-rat look. I didn't know what to do at first. My breath hitched, and I knew he was talking, but I had no clue what he was saying. Then I remembered the window worked. I rolled it down, with much frickin' effort and strained to hear what he was saying. He tried to check to see what was wrong with my truck but couldn't figure it out. The whole time he was under my hood I couldn't help but think…Edward was outside my truck…In a black Breaking Benjamin shirt… _Soaking wet_.

Screw Brad Pitt, screw Dr. Cullen. Edward was currently front and center.

He asked to come  _inside_  the truck, apparently it was more frigid outside than it was inside this icebox. I was a little apprehensive at first, after all my father thought he was the anti-Christ. But I gave in as soon as I looked into his emerald green eyes…and noticed he was shivering like a fool. I was having trouble keeping my thoughts coherent with him sitting next to me, wet. Actually the fact that he was even this close to me was making my brain go numb.

I could not stop blushing, from the moment I saw him, to the moment I laid down against his chest I was varying shades of crimson. I must have looked like an idiot.

I've had fantasies before, ever since I first saw Johnny Depp in  _The Ninth Gate_. My mom made me watch it, she was always gushing about him. That night, I finally saw what she was talking about. It was also the night I had my first sexual fantasy. I didn't have them that often, especially after….well, that apparently has changed. I had a feeling I would be having them more often with Edward around.

I was able to relax a little after he told me about Rose. An image popped into my mind of her under a car with Prada heels sticking out. It was too funny.

We were both sitting there on the bench seat, just listening to the rain. He was shivering like crazy but never once hinted that I should take some of the blanket off of me to share with him. I did anyway. I didn't want to be toasty warm while he was an Ed- sicle. I unwound the blanket from around me and draped it over both of us. It was very peaceful. I started to feel really sleepy listening to us both breathing slow and steady. I almost nodded off when Edward noticed and offered to let me rest on him; I didn't know what to do. A part of me wanted to lean down, grab on to him and never let go. The other part, the guilt-ridden part, remembered the moment we had when only our  _eyes_  met. There was no telling what would happen if we actually touched.

I saw the expectant look on his face; he looked like a child begging for a new toy. I gave in; my body willing the door to the guilt to stay locked up tight. He made a little pillow out of the blanket, and I got comfy.

There were no other words. I was exhausted, the night before had been long and sorrowful. Memories of Jacob had filled my dreams. Now I could hear Edward's heartbeat, it was going rather fast for someone lying so still, but it was soothing. It was like a lullaby and I was asleep in minutes.

* * *

I was all warm and snuggly, wrapped in a blanket, when a taping noise roused me from my sleep. I opened my eyes to see gray light, but no rain. I heard the tapping noise again

Turning my head towards the sound, I saw Emmett. He was tapping my window with a wrench, and he had a huge smile on his face. I was confused on why he would be here, grinning at me like a fool, until the blanket shifted around me. That's when it all came back to me; I was in my truck… with Edward. I took in my surroundings, and found myself laying across the seat in Edward's arms.

The blanket had come out from under my head, and wrapped around us both. Edward had slid down from the door, and I was lying right on top of him. He face was nestled in my hair, and his hands had made their way under my jacket. He was holding onto me tightly.

Emmett tapped the window again, and this time, Alice appeared by his side. I could see her mouth moving, and Emmett pointed to me. She turned her head, and her mouth dropped. It was almost cartoonish. I really thought her eyes were going to fall right off her face. Emmett made tiny circles in the air holding his first two fingers against his thumb like he was holding something tiny. It took me more than a few seconds to understand that he was motioning to roll down the window. I reached over Edward, and started cranking it down. This movement disturbed Edward, and he opened his eyes. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hi." His voice had that early morning scratchiness to it. It was incredibly sexy. I blushed, Damnit. I really needed to get that under control.

"Hi." I smiled back and kept working on the window. When the window was finally down, Emmett feigned anger, crossing his arm and scowling at me.

"Jelly Belly, are you cheating on me with Edward?" Edward hadn't realized we weren't alone anymore and he jumped at the sound of Emmett's voice. He let go of me, and we separated. "I'm hurt, seriously, of all people, you chose him. He's all…dark and twisty. I almost had Rosy talked into a thr…."

"Emmett! Just fucking fix her truck please." Edward was staring at me. The crooked grin was back.

"Fine, but seriously, we're going to have to have a talk." Edward reached down and fumbled to pop the hood. He finally got it, never taking his eyes off me. Something had shifted between us; I could feel it in the air, or maybe my loins. It was like electricity, my skin was tingling. I could feel the world melting away again, but I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away. This was not the time for an emotional fail. I could only imagine how hurt Edward would be if I broke down in tears after he spent the night outside in a freezing truck with me. I opened my eyes again only to see the stricken expression he wore. Shit, I hurt him anyways. I willed him to understand, but it didn't work. He lowered his head and started to get out of the truck. My stomached tightened at the thought of him leaving without understanding, so, on an impulse I grabbed his hand and clasped it tight. He returned the squeeze and nodded his head.

"Later" was all he said, so softly I barely heard it. He got out of the car and went to help Emmett. I had forgotten all about Alice, she was still standing there, shocked. She climbed into the driver's seat, shut the door and rolled up the window. I've always had a hard time with the window, but apparently Alice excitement gave her superhuman strength.

"You have to tell me  _everything_." she sat perched on the edge of the seat, eyes wide and hands clasped in her lap like she might be there a while.

"Alice, nothing happened. He saw my truck and decided to wait with me. That's all."

"What I saw was  **not**  nothing. You could practically see the…the…whatever the hell it was, passing between you two."

"It was nothing." I lied. Alice frowned. I wasn't ready to talk to her, give her any details. I needed to figure out what it all meant first. Alice started to pout, so I decided to give her something. "I just need to think, ok? I promise you'll be the first to know...as soon as  **I**  do" I smiled weakly and she clapped her hands with excitement.

We sat in the truck waiting for the guys to finish; Alice kept sharing way too personal stories about her, Jasper and their late night activities. I just let her talk; it was welcoming to have a distraction from the war raging in my head. It was more than just plain curiosity about Edward; this was obvious. I felt the urge to crawl back into his arms and never leave. Jacob though, was ever present in my mind. He was my love, my heart and soul. I had no desire to give him up, no matter what feelings I might have for Edward.

After about an hour, the truck hood slammed down, and Emmett told me to start the truck. It came to life with no problems. Alice got out of the truck, and I folded up the blanket and put it away.

"Ok girl, you had some loose cables. I did the best I could, but they really need something more permanent. It will get you home though. Do you think maybe, Charlie would let me have a crack at it? You guys wouldn't have to pay me for labor, just buy the parts and stuff." Emmett had a gleam in his eye. Edward was right he really did get a high from messing with anything with a motor. "I could do it at your house, so, you know he wouldn't have to worry about Edward. I could have this baby purring like Rosy when I…"

"Thank you Emmett!" I really didn't want to know where that sentence was going. "I'll talk to him about it."

"Sweet. Well, I, uh, better get going now. Come on crack-pixie. Let's leave these two to say goodbye, Mom would be upset if your virgin eyes were cast upon that pornography." Emmett laughed at himself and motioned for Alice to join him. He was clearly trying to give Edward and I some alone time. It was a sweet gesture, in an Emmett kind of way.

"Actually, Alice, you should probably go to Bella's house with her. Make sure she gets home safe." Edward and Alice shared a look. Must be a twin thing, because she smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, ok. I'll follow her home. See you guys in a while." I could almost see the wheels turning in Alice's head. I wonder what she is up to.

"Fine, whatever. I'm outta here…I'm fucking starving. Bye Jelly Belly, and please the next time you want to be huddled up in a car all night, call me. I would have gotten you AND the truck turned on..." he gave me a seductive look over his shoulder and I laughed. Alice just rolled her eyes but Edward didn't look amused.

He grabbed his toolbox and continued to his Jeep. Alice followed and slapped Emmett on the back of the head before scurrying to her car and locking the door with a smile. Edward and I were standing alone. Well, almost, I was pretty sure Alice was watching our every move like a hawk. Neither one of us knew what to say.

"So, I'll see you later then?" Did that mean he really wanted to see me again….soon.

"Yes, and thanks again, for waiting with Me." and smelling so good, and being so warm, and looking so….

"Anytime." He stepped a little closer. "Bella, I…." He reached his hand out as if he was going to touch my face, but stopped short and ran his hand along my arm. "I just…I just wanted to say goodbye. So, goodbye. Drive safe."

"Goodbye Edward." He lingered for a second longer and then turned and walked to his car. I got into the truck as he drove off. Alice honked her horn and we took off for my house.

Charlie's car was still gone when we arrived. I had been afraid he would be worried and cut his trip short. Neighbors picking up debris from last night's storm all did double takes when they saw Alice pull up. I guess it really did cause a stir. I wasn't sure if it was just because it was a Porsche or because there was a Cullen at the Swan house. I was hoping for just the first one.

We went into the house and I gave her a quick tour, which took considerably less time than the tour of her house. Alice wasn't acting like a person that was in any hurry to leave, so I asked her if she would like to spend the day together.

"Sure! Got any good movies?" Alice and I made popcorn and tried to decide what to watch. We didn't have much to choose from, I hadn't had much interest in movies the past year, but Charlie has some good comedies, so we spent the day watching Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. It wasn't enough to keep my mind completely off my inner turmoil, but it was helping. Alice didn't push me for info.

I saw that it was getting late, and I offered to cook her dinner. She agreed to stay and just as we were loading our plates, Charlie walked in, holding five huge fish proudly in the air.

"Hey Bella! I've got dinner for tomorrow! Hello Alice, didn't think you'd still be here."

"Hello Chief Swan. You know us girls, we start talking and lose all track of time. I'll have to spend the night more often." Spend the night? But I didn't even tell her about that. I thought back to this morning, there must have been more to that look her and Edward shared.

"Well, we'd be glad to have you." He smiled, clearly a little smitten with her. "Is there any dinner left?" Charlie loaded up his plate and we all sat down to eat. My dad gave us all the details to his fishing trip, and Alice laughed at all the right moments. This girl was damn good.

When Alice's phone started beeping, she announced that it was Jasper and she should go. She said goodbye to Charlie in a flirty but subtle way and we walked out to her car together.

"Thanks for that, how did you know?"

"It's a twin thing, but I did have fun today. We really should do this more often."

"Yeah, we should."I really meant it. Being with Alice was the most relaxed and happy I'd been in a very long time…well, except for last night.

"Ok, I'll call you tomorrow." She climbed in to her car, "Oh, and Bella, Edward chooses you." With that she shut the door and drove off. Damn, that girl was great at leaving a person hanging. Edward chooses me? What the hell was that? Was there like a waiting list for his attention or something? Who was I in competition with? I wasn't sure if this information was helpful or not.

I went inside to clean up, but discovered Charlie had already done it. He was waiting for me at the table.

"Thank you Bells." No, Dad, thank you.

"For what, Dad?"

"For still being here. You have no idea how happy I am right now. It's given me hope… for the future." I blushed, I wasn't sure if I liked this corny sharing version of my dad but as long as he wasn't looking at me with that worried expression, I was happy. "I love you honey." He stood up and gave me a hug. I flinched away from the smell and held my nose with a disgusted look on my face. "Well, I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed. Have a good night."

"Night Dad, love you too." I waved my hand in front of my face in rapid succession trying to get the funk of fish, lake, and non-showered Charlie out of my nose. After he went upstairs, I returned to the living room to finish that last movie we put it. I laid down on the couch and could fell my eyelids getting heavy.

_I was sitting on a picnic table under a pavilion at the park I used to play at when I was little. Edward was standing in the rain, soaking wet. His messy hair falling carelessly into his eyes. He held out his arms to me and as I stood he pulled me close. He crushed his lips eagerly against mine, and my knees went weak causing me to fall into him. My hands found their way into his hair and I tightened my grip. He moaned in my mouth and pressed himself harder against me. I could feel the hardness of his chest muscles against my breasts and the obvious lump his erection made through his jeans. He pulled away and pleadingly said my name, "Bella". I nodded and he pulled me close again, his mouth went to my neck, gently biting until it was more than I could stand. I moaned his name softly in his ear, then used the tip of my tongue to lick the edge. He responded by picking me up and setting me on the top of the picnic table, spreading my legs and placing himself between them. He grabbed my hips and rubbed me against his crotch. My breath was coming out in short bursts. "I need to feel you, I need to touch you" he whispered into my ear. All I could do was nod again. I reached down to pull off my shirt, just as he pulled off his. Chest to chest, skin on skin. My nipples grew hard in anticipation of his touch, he noticed and chuckled softly. His mouth encircled my left nipple, sucking in just the right way that mixed pain and pleasure. I raked my nails up his back and he groaned with my nipple still in his mouth. I wanted his kiss, so I pulled his head up and met his mouth. The kisses were getting deeper and more urgent. Our hands were exploring each other's bodies. His hand came to a rest below my belly button. He hesitated, so I pushed my hips forward to give him the ok. His fingers slowly found their way between my legs and I reached up to pull his hair encouraging him to just do it. He rubbed and stroked, teasing me until I was almost begging. When his fingers finally entered me, I cried out. He smiled, and gently flicked my most sensitive spot with his thumb. It made me shudder. His fingers started working inside me and my hips were rocking involuntarily. I was moaning loudly and he took my nipple in his mouth again. The combined pleasure was bringing me to the verge._

"Bella!" someone was shaking me. "Bella!" I heard my name again. I opened my eyes and Charlie was leaning over me, still shaking my shoulder. Not exactly what I wanted to see given my current arousal level.

"Dad, I'm awake, what's wrong?" He looked at me sheepishly.

"You were…uh…well…you…were you having a bad dream?"

"What?" Then it came back to me. Shit…I was having a sex dream…about Edward… _on the couch_. By the look on his face, I must have been moaning. I don't think there could have been anything more embarrassing than your  _father_  waking you up from a sex dream. I attempted to play it off. "Oh, yea...I guess I was, you know, having a bad dream." Fail.

"Oh, well, it's late. You should go upstairs to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok. Goodnight." I rushed up the stairs. I really wanted to just jump out a window or something. God. A sex dream, about Edward? I closed the door to my room and banged my head against the door. This was not good.

I pulled on my trusty Scooby doo pj's and crawled into bed. Jacob had bought me these for Christmas. I felt a little dirty wearing them after the dream I just had, but I liked having something from him close to me when I slept. Something besides the locket.

I sighed. The Locket. I don't know how I managed to sleep so good last night without it. Was it because I knew I had no other choice, or because I was safely wrapped in Edward's arms?

I was so confused. On one hand, there was Jacob, he had been my everything. I couldn't imagine loving anyone else. I knew that someday I probably would...maybe. I thought maybe in five or ten years I might resign myself to dating. I didn't want to be alone forever. I never dreamed I would be having these thoughts, these feelings, now.

It was Edward. His eyes, his voice, his touch. They all made me wish I really was Happy Bella. That I wasn't some heartbroken fake who could probably never fully love him the way he deserved.

I could hear Alice's voice in my head,  _Bella, he chooses you…._ But could I choose him?

That night I went to sleep dreaming about them both. They were both calling to me and I couldn't decide which one to go to.

When I woke up with the sun the next morning, my hand was empty. I panicked at first, until I realized….

I never bothered to take the locket out of my pillow case.


	10. Chapter 10

**EDWARD**

The front door swung open as Emmett and I pulled in and Aunt Esme came rushing out, Uncle Carlisle following behind.

"Edward, we were worried about you! You should have called  _us_ , not just Alice." She was hugging me. She sounded distraught. She had a fear of car accidents and was probably imagining the worst when I didn't come home last night. I had been so concerned with Bella that I didn't think to let them know I was ok. Maybe I thought they might come get us if I called. The last thing I wanted was for someone to come get us. There I go putting my wants in front of others needs, like the need to know I'm safe. I'm such a fuck sometimes.

"I'm sorry Aunt Esme. I should have called. It won't happen again." I hugged her back, and I saw her quickly wipe a few stray tears away before she turned to go back in the house. Emmett followed her, but Carlisle hung back.

"Edward, could I have a quick word with you?" He didn't sound pissed, but then again he never really did. His voice was always rather even and calm. We went inside to his office, where he shut the door and sat behind his desk. This was "The Talk" routine. I knew I should have called, but at least Alice knew I was safe, that should count for something. Making Aunt Esme worry though, I guess I deserved some punishment. I took a seat and waited for him to begin.

"Alice tells me you were with Bella Swan last night." Huh? That's what The Talk was going to be about? Goddamn her. "Before you get mad at Alice, we made her tell us this morning. We wanted to make sure you were safe. You really should have called home, but I'm going to let that one slide because we have a more pressing issue to discuss." He leaned back in his chair, I started to get nervous. "So were you? With Bella last night?"

"Yes." I was starting to sweat. I had no idea where he was going with this. He looked uncomfortable and kept twisting in his seat.

"Edward, I know you aren't….that you have…." He took a second to organize his thoughts "You know to wear a condom, right?"

My mouth fucking dropped to the floor. I stared at him, only to start bursting into uncontrollable laughter. I was laughing so hard it made my fucking stomach hurt. Carlisle looked at me like he might have to have me committed.

"I don't see what's so funny about protecting yourself." Carlisle obviously didn't see the humor that was causing my laughing fit. I was finally able to control the laughter, but the tears were still streaming down my face.

"That's not even close to what happened last night. I swear." Carlisle's whole body relaxed and the tension in the air lifted.

"Oh thank God. I have no trouble talking about this with patients, but when it comes to my own kids, I'm lost." He cracked a smile. "You should've seen me have the sex talk with Em." I started to picture that in my head, but ended it when I realized I couldn't handle anymore laughing. "So, what  _did_  happen last night?" I gave him the play by play of the previous night, leaving the sex fantasy out of course, and my actual feelings about Bella. I needed Alice for that.

Carlisle was a very smart man though, and picked up on it instantly.

"Do you have feelings for Bella? Real feelings?" There was no way of getting out of this talk.

"I think I do, yeah." It felt kind of satisfying to admit it out loud.

"It's only been a short time since she arrived. Are you sure this isn't just lust or something else? I know you are still hurting over Tanya." I grew a little upset over the mention of Tanya, but I guess I made no effort to hide the fact that she royally fucked me over. I sulked around the house for weeks-no  _months_ -after the whole disaster. My track record didn't speak so kindly of me either. I had used Jessica to get over Tanya and that…well…that relationship was a horror writer's wet dream.

"I know, but I feel a connection to her. It's more than lust; I'm not quite sure what yet. I don't know if she is willing or able to feel the same way, but I want,  _need_ , to find out. Does that make sense or do I just sound like a stupid horny teenager?" I sat in silence as Carlisle contemplated my question.

"I wasn't much older than you when I found Esme. At nineteen, I wanted to marry her after only having a few dates. There was a love between us that couldn't be explained. Everyone around us tried to persuade us to slow down, experience life before being tied to each other forever. We didn't listen, being the headstrong teenagers we were, and drove to Vegas after only four months of dating. Almost twenty years later we still love each other as much as the day we were married. Maybe even more. Not that I want you running off to get married, but I think the stereotype of young people not knowing what real love is, it's wrong. People only see the bad endings; there are so many happy couples out there that have been together since they were your age. Especially in Forks. If you wanted to explore your feelings for her, I would be glad to stand behind you."

"Thank you Uncle Carlisle." His approval meant a lot to me, I felt like I had let him down this past year.

"Now, there is the issue of her father." Shit, he knew just how to piss in a man's cheerios.

"Yeah, there is  _that_." Truthfully, I hadn't given it much thought, I was kind of hoping he would just wake up one day, see that I cared about his daughter, and forget everything that happened. I had been letting Alice into my head too often, which mixed with this strange euphoria over Bella; I was starting to think everything was just fucking sunshine and lollipops. If Charlie knew this conversation was going on, he'd probably send Bella back to Phoenix, and bury my body so deep in the woods it would never be found. "He's never going to let me near her, is he?."

"I would never step on another parent's toes, but if you and Bella come to me and tell me you want a relationship, a serious one, then I will do what I can. I just want you to be happy again Edward. You and Alice have had a rough time, and you both deserve to move past it and live life to the fullest." He chuckled to himself. "That sounded so cliché, but Esme is on a chick-flick kick, and it was the first thing that popped into my head. Now let's go check and see if Em left us any food, alright?"

* * *

It was dark outside and Alice had not contacted me in anyway. She actually was ignoring my calls and texts. I thought that maybe after following Bella home, she went to Jazz's but then he showed up sans the 5 foot growth usually attached to his hip. I needed one of our talks, and she wasn't around.

"Where the fuck is Alice?" we were in the music room, and I was extremely jumpy. I kept bouncing between instruments, changing songs, just being a general pain in the ass.

"I told you, she's chillin' at Bella's. She wanted to have a girl's day with her. Would you just fucking relax already?"

"I  _need_  to talk to her." Was she trying to make me have a coronary? I was going to fucking explode if I didn't get some of this off my chest.

"You can talk to me… I am your bestest friend you know." I threw a guitar pick at his head. It did nothing, of course, and he continued being a smartass. "Now, Eddie, tell me how you feel about Bella." He said in a squeaky high voice imitating Alice. As he did this he put his hands up holding his invisible titties and strutted around the room.

"I really fucking hate you right now." I couldn't help cracking a grin. That fucker was such an idiot sometimes. He always knows how to lighten my mood.

"You love me. You wish you were a chick and that you could have my babies."

"I will hurt you."

"Is that a threat or a promise?" That sounded like a challenge…and I can never back down from a challenge.

"Oh, it's a fucking promise." I hooked my foot around the leg of the stool he was sitting on and pulled back, causing the stool to fly and him to crash-land on his ass. He started grabbing his ass and laughing at the same time.

"Ow you fucker! I have a bony ass, that really fucking hurt."

"Get Alice to come home or I'm going to tell Em that you were the one that posted that video on YouTube of him crying during WALL-E." fucking blackmail at its finest.

"Alright, jeez. No need to threaten death and dismemberment." He pulled out his cell and started texting Alice. "She'll be here in ten; do you want me to stick around for this little sharing session?"

"Does it matter what I want? You wouldn't fucking leave if I told you to."

"No, probably not."

"Fuck you Jazz." We tried to play until Alice showed, but I couldn't get my mind into it. She took her sweet ass time getting home, and finally, thirty minutes later she walked into the music room. Alice completely ignored me and went straight to Jasper. They did their cutesy little couple stuff, and I grew more and more impatient. I loudly cleared my throat. Alice whispered into Jasper's ear and he flipped me off as he left the music room. She perched herself on the loveseat in the corner, and gestured for me to start talking.

"You were gone all day." and I've been fucking losing my mind waiting.

"I was with Bella." no, really. I've been nearly shitting my pants all day because you were at the mall….damn girl, no shit you were will Bella. Now spill the fucking beans!

"Well?" God woman, give me something.

"Well, what?"

"Goddamnit Alice. I don't want to play fucking games right now."

"Fine. Bella didn't say anything about you all day." My face fell, nothing? Not even a little peep? "But, while we were in the truck this morning she said that she needed to think." Ok, that wasn't….bad. "Now dear brother, you need to tell me  _everything_."

I did. I told her everything. Everything from the moment Tanya fell off her throne to the conversation with Uncle Carlisle. I even told her about the fantasy, but omitted the gory details. An hour passed, then two. When I was done talking about Bella

I talked about how much Tanya fucked my life up. Of course that just brought me right back to Bella. Would I be able to take care of her the way she deserved? All my fears were laid out on the table. The more I spilled out my soul, the clearer it became. Bella. It had to be Bella.

Alice never spoke, never moved from her spot. When I finished Alice stood, grabbed the stool I kicked out from under Jasper, and placed herself in front of me.

"Edward, do you….love her?" Isn't it fucking obvious?

"It's way too soon for that. Last night was amazing, it was perfect, but it's just a beginning. Or I hope it's a beginning. What do I need to do Alice? Do I need to do a grand fucking  _Top Gun_  gesture or what?"

"You need to just give her time."

"Time" I repeated more to myself than to her. If that was what Bella needed, I would gladly give it to her. I waited a year just to be over Tanya, what was a few more days?

"If might be longer than you think. We still have to work around the Charlie thing. Let's just focus on you two getting to know each other. I have a plan." She said it in an evil movie villain way.

"A plan? A plan for what?"

"I'm not telling, you'll just screw it up. It's already in motion. So, I have to go break the news to Jasper that I'm probably going to be spending the day with Bella again tomorrow. Maybe I'll enlist Rose too." Rose, what kind of plan was this? Alice got up to leave, but I stopped her.

"Alice, this is…this is right, isn't it? All these feelings I am having for her, it's all happening so fucking fast."

"That's not for me to decide, but I think you and Bella will make it right. You just need to let her find her way." She leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head before walking out the door.

* * *

Alice spent all day Sunday with Bella, and Monday after school. By Tuesday it seemed her and Bella were becoming attached at the hip like her and Jasper. Thursday rolled around and Rose, Alice and Bella were a tight little group. The guys and I were getting fucking ditched left and right. I tried to explain to them it must be just part of Alice's little "plan" but then they took their frustrations out on me.

"You better convince Bella to fall in love with you soon. I haven't gotten laid in three fucking days." Emmett growled while we were driving home on Thursday. God, must be difficult, three fucking days…try six fucking months.

"Shut up Emmett." Jasper wasn't much happier. He and Alice rarely spent time apart. I could tell he was lonely and had some pent up energy he needed to expend…on Alice. I didn't really want to think about it.

Bella and I never discussed the night in the truck, other than her thanking me for helping her. I listened to Alice and didn't push. I got a little excited on Tuesday during our standard walk to Biology, when her hand brushed against mine, but she blushed and apologized quickly.

Mr. Banner started giving us free time in class to work on our projects, but we spent it whispering to each other. She started telling me about her childhood in Phoenix. She was still shy and guarded around me, always afraid to touch me, but I was just happy she was opening up.

I noticed Jessica was getting more and more aggravated. Bella didn't see it, but I could see the little fucking hamster running in her head. She was still attempting to start a friendship with Bella, though Alice and Rose were quick to intervene. I wanted to know what the fuck she was up to. I was going to try and find out, and then remembered that would actually require me to be around her.

Emmett never stopped bitching about his lack of sex, even after we pulled in the driveway to see Alice and Rose waiting for us. I was hoping Bella would be with them, but no.

"Rosy, about fucking time! Is this just a tease? Are you going to Bella's?" Geez, Em, being an asshole isn't going to get you laid.

"No, we are sans Bella today." I guess Rosalie understood his testosterone build up because it didn't seem to bother her one bit.

"Good. Let's go." Emmett threw his book bag on the ground, picked up Rosalie and tossed her over his shoulder. "I'll see you guys at dinner." Rosy squirmed and giggled the whole time.

Alice and Jasper followed, and we were back to square one. Me, fucking alone. Carlisle was stuck late at the hospital, and Aunt Esme was in Port Angeles looking for new decorating ideas. In the past I would have taken this alone time to wallow in self pity about Tanya, but now that I was mostly over that shit, I had nothing to occupy my time.

Except think about Bella. I had faith in my sister, but I also felt like I was running into a brick wall. I had to know how Bella felt and it was driving me fucking batty.

Why did she need so much time? Wasn't it pretty fucking simple, either she was into me or not. I started to imagine ways I could sneak up to see her, without Charlie cutting off some essential parts. No, I really like my Pantie Python and couldn't risk having him beheaded. Maybe I could write her a letter, no…evidence. What if I sent her flowers and told her how I feel…no, evidence again and that would probably just scare her away, "This mother fucker is crazy, telling me he thinks he's in love with me after a few hours in a truck". No fucking way was I doing that. I was stuck. I wanted her to know how I felt and I wanted to know if she felt things for me too but after the complete mind-fuck Tanya pulled on me I wasn't sure how much of myself I could risk…right away at least. I fell asleep in the music room dreaming about Bella and humming an unfamiliar tune to myself.

**BELLA**

Alice showed up Sunday morning with coffee and donuts, instantly winning Charlie over…for life. She spent twenty minutes talking to him, asking for more details on his fishing trip, what he liked most about his job, the kind of stuff a guy would usually ask when he is trying to win over his date's father. I wondered what she was up to at first, but after she questioned if he'd been working out, it was pretty obvious. She was buttering Charlie up, like a frickin' buttermilk biscuit, and Charlie was sopping up every bit of it. I wondered if Edward knew about this. Or maybe it was his idea?

Charlie left and Alice and I spent the day finishing up our English midterm, watching more movies, messing with each other's hair and nails, just doing silly girl things. Before then I didn't even know that I actually missed doing them. It was a distraction but it never totally took my mind off the fact that, for the first time in a year, I'd willingly slept without holding my locket.

There have been times, like the night in the truck, when I've had no choice, but to just forget….that was another story.

I couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. Was Jacob slipping away from me? It made me panic a little inside. I pushed it deep inside.

Monday, Alice came home with me and Charlie actually seemed more pleased to see her than me. When Rose showed up, Charlie had no idea what to do. Both girls were paying more attention to him than he has had in probably 15 years, and dropping hints about how we girls needed to spend time outside my house. He was beaming at me when they left.

"Bells, you are doing so much better. I think you are finally healing. You know you girls can come over anytime. I'm so glad my Bella has friends like you." Was that a jab at Jessica? I'm sure I wouldn't be hearing those words if it was her standing in my living room.

He thought very highly of my new friends, and my progress into the real Happy Bella. On Tuesday Charlie did the unexpected and didn't come home from work until dinner was ready. It was the first time, other than the fishing trip, that he didn't meet me at home right after school. Wednesday, he completely missed dinner and didn't come home until I was going upstairs to bed. Alice was ecstatic.

"My plan is working!" Alice squealed. Rose breathed a sigh of relief.

"Finally. No offense, Bella, I like spending time with you, but I need my monkey man. You just can't do the things he can." I could tell from the huge grin on her face that I did  _not_  want to inquire about those things.

"What plan?" I knew she had something going on and I really wanted to get away from Rose's conversation.

"My plan to get on Charlie's good side… It's working, now maybe you'll be able to leave the house with me." Ah, sneaky little pixie schmoozes the big bad Daddy-cop and frees the emotional-incompetent from her self-induced prison. ..I wonder if that is the way she saw it, cuz that's the way I saw it. I was glad she was trying anyway.

"Where are you going to take me?"

"My house of course." Oh, of course. I can't see why Charlie would have a problem with that.

My nights had been filled with dreams of Edward and Jacob. I tested my theory about the locket. The first time I tried to sleep without it, my mind was too focused on Jacob and I grabbed onto it for dear life. The second time, I went back to the night in the truck, and I was asleep before I knew it, dreaming of my knight in shining Volvo. I woke up without the locket. I felt like maybe I wouldn't be shackled to this concrete reminder for the rest of my life. Maybe there was hope that I  _could_  move on. If I could move on, maybe there would be a place for Edward….with me.

After Rose left on Wednesday, Alice stayed behind. I think she could tell something was up with me. I was anxious to talk to her, I had to share this with someone and I couldn't think of a better person.

"Alice, I need to talk to you." I was nervous as fuck.

"Alright." If she knew where this conversation was going, she showed no sign of it.

"I think…I think that I want to be with Edward ." Quick and painless. It actually felt so good getting it out. Like I had found my way to the surface after being stuck underwater.

Alice surprised me, and didn't jump up and down like I expected. She didn't scream for joy. She sat, searching my face. I started to second guess myself. "Ah, if he wants to be with me." Maybe I had read the clues wrong. Maybe he wasn't interested, not like I was.

"Bella, are you sure?" I was confused; did she not want me with her brother? Wasn't that the biggest reason for her plan to win Charlie over?

"Well…yes?" I was beginning to doubt myself.

"I just don't want to see anyone get hurt. I need you to be sure." Was I sure? It was all happening so fast. I've only been sleeping without my locket for a few days. I couldn't deny what I felt for Edward though. It was there, tugging at me, pulling me to him. There was something between us I couldn't quite explain. Just the thought of him put a real smile on my face. "I don't know what's been holding you back Bells, I wish you'd talk to me, but if you don't want to I won't force you. But I need to know, for Edward's sake that it's not holding you back anymore. Edward's been…hurt…before, and I just don't want that happening again. I don't want you getting hurt either."

"Alice….I can't stop thinking about him. I want to get close to him." and have him kiss me, touch me….

This was when the Alice I know and love popped out. A huge grin spread across her face, she looked like she was about to burst.

"I knew you two would find each other. This weekend, my house… you and Edward. You guys can… _explore_ …your feelings for each other." She wiggled her eyebrows when she said this, looking like Emmett when he's making a dirty joke. I was actually embarrassed. If she only knew how much I had been  _exploring_ Edward in my dreams and fantasies she'd be the one blushing.

"Don't be dirty Alice." But I couldn't say it without smiling.

"Sorry, it's been a few days since Jasper and I….I guess I'm getting a little anxious to see him."

"Well then, how about tomorrow I release you and Rose to the boys. Take a day off from your little plan. Charlie will be happy to spend some time with me, maybe I can mention this weekend. What should I tell him?"

"Tell him we want to take you to Port Angeles for the day." I really didn't like lying to Charlie. I could see that it may have to happen a lot more often if I was going to attempt any relationship with Edward. He would be happy if I was happy…right?

"Bells, can I ask you a question?" I nodded, "Why doesn't Charlie let you be by yourself?" Damn, it just had to be  _that_  question. I felt horrible for not telling her, especially after she told me about her parents. I just wasn't ready.

"Alice, I'm not like you. I can't just tell it." I felt like I was constantly telling her to wait for me. She was an amazing friend, because she actually was willing to wait. Alice left after that, leaving me to obsess over my choices.

All week at school, Edward and I grew closer. We shared stories from our childhoods, funny ones of course. I careful edited any story that would give the Happy Bella act up. We walked so close to each other on the way to Biology that we were a hair from touching.

Thursday night, Charlie came home just in time for dinner. I cooked him his favorite again. Like I predicted, he was happy to see me functioning on my own, though it was clear he was missing Alice and Rose.

"No Alice tonight?" Nice try, Dad. Not so nonchalant. Next time you might want to check the disappointment in your voice.

"She's spending some time with her boyfriend tonight."  _on_  her boyfriend is probably more accurate.

"Oh. Well, just us is nice." Charlie devoured his dinner. He seemed peaceful, glad that my depression was lifting. I thought it was the perfect time to continue with the plan. There is nothing more complacent then a fat and happy Charlie laid out in his recliner. I probably could have asked if I could go snort a line of coke off the chest of a naked man and Charlie would have agreed…as long as it wasn't Edward.

"Dad, would you mind if I went out with Alice and Rose this weekend?" He sat up slightly from his reclined position and his body tensed. I could see that he thought I was going to ask to go to the Cullen house.

"Where do you plan on going?"

"Port Angeles." He relaxed, but only slightly. This was going to take some effort. "I guess every few months Rose goes on a big shopping trip to update her wardrobe. They would like me to go along too. Apparently  _my_  wardrobe could use some updating as well." He didn't even look at me when I did my best model pose. He was silent. Alice had made this sound so easy. I decided to try a normal teenage girl trick. Whine. "You were going to let me go with Jessica Stanley, why can't I go with Alice?"

"You know I don't like that Edward kid." Really, I never would have guessed. Does it matter that I do, a lot…really a lot…maybe too much.

"But you like Alice, and Edward isn't going." What the frick. Just say yes so I can stop lying!

"Alright Bells." I did my best not to do a frickin' happy dance right there in the middle of the living room. "I trust you." Damnit… "You've being doing great. I noticed you slept without your locket." I froze. How did he know that? The look on my face must have given me away. "I come in to check on you sometimes. Whatever is helping you heal, I'm up for it." Oh dad, if you only knew.

Once again, I waited until he was asleep to call Alice. It took me several attempts to get her on the phone.

"Hello?" She sounded out of breath.

"It's Bella."

"Bella, hey."

"Um, did I interrupt something?" Do I really want to know?

"No, we were just taking a break." Ew. I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"My dad said yes." Calm yourself, Bella, don't sound like a 12 year old.

"Seriously? Great! I'm an evil genius." She did her best impression of an evil laugh. "So, let's not tell Edward. I want it to be a surprise." In the background I heard Jasper "Don't tell Edward what?"

"Ok, I'll let you get back to…umm, Jasper." We said our goodbyes and I got ready for bed. I could feel the locket under my head. Was I just cheating myself? The locket was always with me at night, whether I was holding it or not. No, it was a step forward. I might not be ready to completely give it up, but I was starting to be less dependent on it.

Friday was one of the slowest days of my life. I was a bundle of nerves. Saturday was either going to make me… or break me. I didn't get the chance to talk to Edward during Biology, for that I was relieved. Mr. Banner had several people doing their presentations on their midterms so we had to be quiet all hour. Alice mentioned again at lunch that she wanted it to be a surprise; I was afraid if I spoke to him I would spill my guts and ruin it.

Alice and Rose went home with the guys, after whispering a promise in my ear to pick me up tomorrow afternoon. Edward gave me a lingering goodbye. Just barely touching my hand with his fingers. I let myself fall into the moment; there was no emotional fail, no tearful outbursts, just my heart beating strong and loud. It was like that day in lunch, the whole world melted away. Until Emmett started honking his horn like a madman.

"Damnit Edward, how many times to I have to tell you, get your hands off my Jelly Belly?" The moment was over, but not forgotten. It carried me through the night all the way into my dreams. I had the familiar dream of Jacob and Edward calling to me. This night I stood between them, not sure which way to go. Both of them had their hands outstretched pulling me to them. I stood motionless looking from one to the other. It was the same dream I'd had a dozen times over the last few weeks, only tonight Jacob put his arms down. He didn't walk away. He just put his arms down and smiled. I turned my body and ran forward. I chose Edward. No guilt, just a peaceful calm when Edward whispered into my ear,  _I love you._

Waking up Saturday morning I greeted Charlie with a smile and made chocolate pancakes. There was no faking Happy Bella today. She was real.


	11. Chapter 11

**BELLA**

"You're in a good mood today Bells." Charlie said in between mouthfuls of grilled cheese and tomato soup.

"I guess I'm just excited to get out of the house. Not away from you…just out…of the house." I shrugged. I was trying to play it cool, obviously it wasn't working.

"That's what I've been waiting to hear." He reached into his gym bag and pulled out a small box in purple wrapping paper. A present. I felt my heart clench. No, I told myself, you can't lose it now, think about Edward. Think about seeing Edward in just a few hours. Keep it together.

"What's this for dad?" My voice was a little shaky.

"I know that your birthday isn't a….happy time for you, but I felt that I should still get you something."

"My birthday isn't until Friday." Please stop talking about my birthday. Today was supposed to be a good day.

"I know, but please Bells, just open it." I unenthusiastically opened the small box. It was a cell phone. "I figured it would come in handy. Especially with you being friends with Alice and all." I stared at the small phone, trying to push back tears. I knew Charlie was just trying to be a good dad, and a cell phone was practical, my recent experience proved my truck was unpredictable at times. It wasn't like he got me some extravagant gift. But the sudden reminder of my approaching birthday made some buried emotions bubble to the surface. Happy thoughts Bella:  _Edward…his arms around me..the way he looks in my eyes…_ _ **his**_ _eyes._ That was just the trick to push it all back down.

"Thank you dad. I love it." I did love it, it was very thoughtful. He really was a good dad. I leaned across the table and gave him a peck on the cheek. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't have been nearly enough thanks but for me and Charlie it was. He understood all the words I couldn't say that were wrapped up in that one little peck. For that I was so very thankful.

"Good. I should have gotten you one when you first got here. That truck doesn't always do what it's supposed too. I'm just glad you haven't gotten stuck anywhere yet." Oh Dad, if you only freakin' knew. My thoughts returned to that night, like they had so many times since then, and I was lost in the smells and warm embrace that was Edward. Before I started drooling at the kitchen table, I remembered what Emmett had asked.

"Oh, dad, by the way, Emmett Cullen wants to know if you'd let him work on the truck. I guess he's a car nut, and he loves the Chevy. He said we wouldn't have to pay him anything, just buy the parts."

"You're friends with Emmett Cullen?" Was that really so unbelievable? Oh well, I guess given my history….

"Yes, well you know, he's Alice's cousin and Rose's boyfriend. He said he'd do the work here…." I trailed off.

"You're becoming very friendly with the Cullen family." He was frowning. I didn't say anything, for the fear I might reveal too much about my closeness with them, and my eagerness to be closer to one of them in particular. He finally sighed. "I guess it would be alright, but only when I'm here, ok?" Strange request, but ok. Emmett was going to be thrilled. I couldn't wait to tell him the news. There was something completely infectious about an excited and happy Emmett. You couldn't help but feel like you were on the top of the world with him when he was like that.

"It's a deal." I hate being sneaky. I wish I could just tell him everything. I wish he would be ok with it.

"Well, I'm going to head out. Tell the girls I said hello." with that Charlie was out the door. I was left to wait for Alice and Rose alone. I still had four hours to burn. I cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, and vacuumed the living room. I looked at the clock and only an hour had passed. Damnit. I was nervous and excited. I was going to be with Edward today. Outside of school and not in a truck.

Barely anytime passed, so I cleaned the tiny bathroom Charlie and I shared. The whole time thinking about being with Edward.

 _No tears, no guilt. No tears, no guilt._ It was like my mantra while I continued cleaning the whole house. The waiting was killing me. By the time I heard the familiar sound of Alice's car, my house was freaking spotless. You could have white-gloved any inch of our not-so-large house and it would have passed with flying colors.

I grabbed my bag, checking my hair in the mirror by the door, and almost made it out the door when two pairs of hands reached out and grabbed me.

"What the hell?" I looked up and saw Rosalie and Alice holding me. "What are you guys doing?"

"You are  _not_  going on a date with Edward, dressed like  _that_." Rosalie said pinching my shirt between her fingers like you would a smelly sock. I looked down at my outfit. Black long sleeve shirt and jeans, pair of Vans. Same thing I wore everyday.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" wait…did she say... "Date? Who said this was a date? I thought it was just going to be all of us, hanging out at your house." Date…that word made it too official. I was getting butterflies. "How can we be on a date if he doesn't even know that I'm coming?"

"Well, it is technically going to be a date, once he sees you at our house. He is SO gonna drool….once WE get done with you. But think of it more as a triple date. Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme are in Seattle for the weekend, so the house is all ours. Maybe you and Edward can have some 'alone time'…and not in the front seat of a truck." Alice did the dirty Emmett eyebrow wiggle again. I felt a familiar sensation in the pit of my stomach.  _No tears, no guilt_  I reminded myself.

Alice and Rose pushed their way in, and I noticed Alice was holding dry cleaning bags, and Rose was carrying a box that looked like Emmett's toolbox.

"Um…what is that?" I asked, pointing to the box.

"My makeup kit." She said it matter-of-factly as if every girl lugs around a ten pound makeup box. She let her gaze wander from my clothing to my face. "We have some work to do. Get upstairs." She sounded like a drill instructor. I had no urge to disobey her. I slowly marched upstairs and the girls followed. Alice quickly went to work laying out twenty different outfits on my bed, Rose set up station on my dresser.

For the next hour and a half I felt like an abused Barbie Doll.

…No, I like the purple one…

…Stop fidgeting, I can't get this curl to take…

…Try the black pencil skirt again…

…Don't blink; I'm not going to poke your eye out…

…Bella, you can wear heels right...

…No, the green top with the black pants…

…How can you not own one single pushup bra…

Finally they were done with me. Rose and Alice both wore a look of pride; I turned and looked in the mirror.

My hair was done up in a messy ponytail with lazy curls cascading down my back. My eyes were lined in black, with a subtle grey eye shadow. My lips were a deep plum color. Courtesy of Alice I was wearing a black long sleeve sweater dress that showed off curves even I didn't know I had, black leggings and maryjane wedges that matched my lipstick. I was stunned; I had never looked so…girly before. I turned in the mirror, like a little girl in a princess dress.

"I…wow…thank you."

"You're welcome. Don't let Edward ruin that dress. It's Juicy Couture." Rose said with an evil grin.

"Umm...I don't think the afternoon is going to go quite where you think it is."

"With you looking like that, there is no telling what Edward might do." I started blushing, if they only knew what he did in my dreams, they'd be blushing. "Now, if we could just get you to dress like that every day."

"Baby steps Rose, baby steps. Maybe when she sees my brother oogling her goodies, she'll let you dress her more often." Alice made me excited to see Edward's reaction. I wonder if he will expect me to dress like this more often. Charlie'd have to take out a second mortgage on the house to fill my closet with clothes like this. I hope Edward isn't disappointed if my runway career is short.

"I'm not sure about the shoes though, I can see myself falling flat on my face." I really could, any shoe that wasn't flat was an accident waiting happen.

"Well, we'll just have to make sure  _someone_  is next to you at all times." They both started giggling. I had missed this so much. Over the past year I had shut out the few friends I had in Phoenix. It felt good to be normal. I guess Renee was right; I could morph into a happy teenage girl, at least temporarily, when the Cullens were around.

The girls packed up their stuff and we headed out. During the drive I was silent, content to listen to Alice and Rose share funny stories about the past few days they had with their boys. I had nothing to add. As we got closer to the Cullen house, I started getting fidgety. When we passed the spot where the truck had died, I broke into a wide grin. I tried to hide it, but they caught it. They shared a look via the rearview mirror.

We pulled up in front of the house and I was once again struck by the size and the beauty of it. I seriously would never leave the house if I lived here. I half-wondered if I moved into one of the spare rooms if they'd even notice. Naw, Charlie'd notice.

We pulled up and I thought my heart was going to explode as Alice turned the car off and then turned to me. "You ready Bells?" I nodded. I was so nervous I was shaking. "Don't worry; it's going to be fine." Alice gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. We walked into the house, and even though Esme wasn't here, it still smelled like fresh baked cookies and clean linen. There was loud punk music playing, and I could hear Jasper and Emmett yelling at each other.

"Ha, I got a strike. I'm kicking your ass at this game! Pansy with a 2 lb ball and ugly shoes, my ass. Eat that you gutter-guzzling biotch!" I think Emmett's greatest joy in life, after romping with Rosalie, was beating someone in a competition, any competition. You could probably make him do just about anything as long as you made it a contest. I locked that thought away for future use.

"Whatever, douche bag. I still have another turn." Jasper obviously wasn't the roll over and die kinda guy. He was going to fight till the bitter end. I followed Alice into the family room where the boys were playing Wii Bowling on a big 42' inch flat screen TV. They were really getting into it, not even aware we had entered the room. I didn't see Edward anywhere, but after a few minutes I heard his voice behind me.

"I'm playing winner, you fuckers." I turned around, and there he was, carrying a huge bowl of cereal. Naked… except for a pair of blue plaid boxers. I could feel myself getting moist in places that had previously been dry. He looked like he stepped right off the page of an underwear ad. His bulging pecs leading my eyes down to his sculptured abs cascading into the rim of his…Oh, Good Lord. Look away Bella, look away.

He didn't recognize me at first, just nodded his head hello at his sister and Rose. Then he did a double take and dropped his spoon.

"Bella?" He froze in place. When Jasper and Emmett heard my name, they turned and stared with wide eyes.

"Damn, Jelly Belly, you look….hot!" I started blushing, and looked over at Edward.

"Hi Edward." I said quietly. He continued to stare at me.

"Um…I was doing laundry." no need to have an excuse. You can walk around like that anytime.

"Ok." intelligent, Bella….redirect the blood flow to your brain instead of your nether regions.

"Uh, I didn't know you were coming over today." I guess the surprise worked. I was trying to read the tone of his voice. Was it a good thing or a bad thing that I'd shown up when he wasn't expecting me. I couldn't tell. He just sounded….surprised.

"Oh yeah, that's my fault Edward. I didn't tell you. I wanted to surprise you." He shot his sister a looked like  _Gee Thanks._

"So, um…I'm going to go put some clothes on." Damn. "I'll be right back though, ok. I'll just….I'll be right back" still can't read him. Is that excitement that I'm here or embarrassment that I caught him in his skivvies?

"Ok." It really was the only word I could muster. I had imagined Edward nearly naked, ok…several times, but to see him in real life looking so…so….perfect, was nearly unbearable. No wonder all the girls pined over him in secret. I had heard several of these secret thoughts being confessed between best friends in the girls' bathroom at various times. It used to make me upset that they were treating him like a piece of meat, and a little jealous that they had seen him in a way I had not but now I just sympathized with them. Edward's body was definitely enough to make a girl go a little ga-ga.

After Edward left the boys went back to playing their game. Rose went to sit on the couch behind the boys, and Alice sat next to Jasper on the floor. I just stayed where I was, awestruck, but after a few seconds Alice reached up and pulled me over to join her. I sat on the couch behind them and she leaned up against my legs. Jasper motioned to Alice with his controller and her face lit up like a lightning bug. Emmett spent the next few minutes bitching and moaning about Jasper letting Alice take his turn, Jasper snapped back that he was only pissed off because she was beating him.

Edward came down just as Emmett was getting ready to throw his controller. He was wearing a black thermal shirt that fit him just right, showing off all of his muscular curves, and jeans that hung low on his hips. My insides did a little flip when I saw him enter the room. He was so good looking. I could feel my cheeks heat up again.

"Edward, get over here and kick this fools ass." Emmett was trying to hand him the controller, but Edward declined, and smiled at me.

"Em, I think I'm going to sit this one out. You play this game and then I've got winner." Emmett mumbled something, probably a series of swear words, and then went back to the game. Edward came over and sat next to me on the couch. He kept the crooked grin on his face as his eyes swept over me. I could feel the warming sensation of a blush coming over me again.

"You look very pretty." He whispered low and close to my ear making my breath catch in my chest.

"Thank you." I whispered back.

"This is part of Alice's plan isn't it?" yeah, I hope you aren't disappointed when Barbie Bella turns back into just plain Bella.

"Yes."

"She's a smart one, that girl. Where does Charlie think you are?" Oh, he meant me sneaking over here.

"Shopping in Port Angeles."

"Oh. So, I guess you're going to be here for awhile?"

"Yes, if that's ok." I really hope it's ok because there is no other place I'd rather be right now.

"No..no, that's  _great_." We both leaned back on the couch to watch Jasper continue to beat Emmett and Emmett continue to get more pissed about it. The backs of our hands were touching, and Edward hooked his index finger around mine. I felt a painful tug in my heart, but quickly pushed it away.  _No Tears, no guilt._

The combined efforts of Alice and Jasper beat Emmett again, so Edward had to play Jasper. As Edward got up, he rubbed his thumb against my finger.

"I'll be right back, this won't take long." Edward said loudly enough for Jasper to hear.

"Bring it on, bitch!" Jasper invited with a big "fuck you" grin.

They played best two out of three. By the third game it was getting pretty heated, and they were tied. Emmett was sitting with Rose on his lap, yelling insults at Jasper, trying to throw him off. It was so easy to actually become Happy Bella here. They treated me like family. I was everyone's little sister. Except Edward of course, who kept throwing back crooked grins every time he got a strike. He beat Jasper, by one lonely point. The game ended with Edward giving a loud cheer, as Jasper gave a defeated "Ah,fuck".

"See what happens when you don't have your little girlfriend helping you?" Emmett rebutted to Jasper. He sat satisfied for a minute then lifted Rosalie off his lap and set her on the couch. "Alright Jelly Belly, it's time for the rest of your initiation." He grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet.

"Initiation?" Everyone smiled.

"Yeah, you've been dressed up like a doll by the fashion Nazis, now it's time to play  _me_  on the Wii." He was joking…right?

"Emmett, you want  _me_ to play a video game that requires coordination, with a controller that's not attached to anything?" I could see the accident in my head, me tripping over my own feet, letting go of the controller and it flying right into the center of their flat screen.

"Hmm…good point. Edward will just have to hold on to you." He turned to Edward, "You mind holding on to my Jelly Belly for me?"

"Sure, but first, I gotta ask, why the fuck do you keep calling her your Jelly Belly?"

"Oh, cuz she's sweet like a Jelly Bean, and her name is Bella, duh." Oh of course, that made perfect sense. Even Rose looked lost on that one. "Now shut the fuck up. I gotta game to win. Let's play!" I walked up next to Edward and Emmett. Edward handed me the controller. Emmett took on a pose like he was playing in the world championship but paused to inform Rosalie, "Baby get ready, Your man is gonna knock this fucker for a loop…then I'll knock you around…including your boots" Rose looked at Emmett like he'd lost his damn mind but then it sunk in and she grinned and adjusted herself and the couch so she could pay more attention. "Me and my boots are waiting to be knocked, monkey man."

"Are you ok with me helping you?" Edward was standing behind me whispering in my ear. It was really very sweet of him to ask instead of just grabbing me up and fondling me…not that I would have minded.

"Yes."

"Ok. Don't worry, Emmett sucks at this game." somehow I don't think that comment was aimed at me.

"I heard that Assward!" Edward laughed as he put his hands on my shoulders and turned me towards the TV. My breath caught as he slowly ran his hands down my arms and covered my hands with his. He took a small step forward so his chest was against my back.

"You swing your arm like this." He said as he guided my arm back. His other hand released my hand and moved to my hip. It was only a small movement, but it felt intimate, like the rest of the people in the room were gone. They were there though, and noticing every move we made. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rose and Alice give each other a low five.

We stared the game and I actually did halfway decent. Of course Edward was guiding me, making sure I didn't hurt myself or anyone else. Emmett beat me but only by a few points. I guess I passed my test, because I was released back to the couch with an enthusiastic high-five from Emmett just before he scooped Rose up and dragged her off somewhere. I could faintly hear her giggling as Emmett took the stairs two at a time. Alice and Jasper played a round of baseball as Edward and I watched from the couch. Edward reached over to me, once again locking our fingers together but not actually holding hands. He seemed to sense that I needed to be eased into this.

"Having fun?" He turned his body slightly so he was facing me a bit more and looked directly into my eyes.

"Yes." Damnit Bella, can you think of something else to say? "Alice says this is a date." Huh, good one. You're just wowing him with your conversational skills.

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is. Though….It would have been a lot better than this if I'd know about it ahead of time. Maybe I can make it up to you soon." He bit his lip, and raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response. A real date. My first instinct was to say no, and come up with a million excuses why I couldn't. Too fast, I thought. The tension in my chest was building, the beginnings of an all too familiar war that's been raging off and on since I met Edward. His face fell slightly, "If you're not ready, I can wait." The look on his face when he said that reminded me of what Alice said… _he's been hurt before_. The thought of hurting him quelled the guilt-beast inside. I took a deep breath to regroup and smiled.

"I'd like that. I'll see what Alice can pull for me."

"She's got Charlie wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?" did he really question it, I think not.

"Yeah, pretty much. Between her and Rose, he's been dazzled." He laughed and we went back to watching the others.

After Alice and Jasper had a few rounds of baseball, Jasper winning of course, and a few rounds of Dance Revolution, Alice winning of course; Jasper mentioned he was itching to get his hands on his bass and play some real music. Not that dance-club bullshit coming out of the Wii. Maybe that was his excuse for why Alice spanked his ass so completely on that game, the music. Alice just laughed and brushed it off.

"Would you like to join us Bella?" like I could say no to Edward.

"Sure, I'd love to hear you guys play." I got up with Edward, but Alice grabbed my arm.

"You boys go ahead; we'll be down in a second." The boys left the room. "Well, how's it going?"

"Fine."

"Just fine? That's all? What I saw what not just 'fine'."

"Ok…it's going good? He asked me out on a real date."

"Eeee! " Alice squealed.

"Alice, you almost sounded like Jessica. Don't do that again." Rose warned as she made her way down the stairs, a little more ruffled than she had been when she went up them. Emmett trailing behind her like a devoted puppy dog. I guess the girl did have skills.

"Ew, I did, didn't I? Won't happen again. I'm just so excited! Alrighty, let's join the boys." I followed as the girls made their way to the music room behind Emmett. I was near giddy. I was actually going to hear Edward make the music he loves so much. The guys were all set up, Jasper and Edward sitting on stools, and Emmett took his spot behind the drums. We made ourselves comfortable on the couch in the corner. Edward looked up from tuning and gave me a little wave and the crooked grin that I love.

The boys started and soon an hour had passed. They played all covers, mostly from bands Jasper and I had talked about during our discussions at lunch. They sounded awesome, even Emmett who said he didn't practice as often as Edward and Jasper. Jasper did all the singing. He sounded like a mix of Dave Grohl and Aaron Lewis from Staind. I could see why Alice loved to hear him sing. I thought of him as a brother, but I had to admit, his voice was hot.

When they stopped to take a break, I saw Alice and Rose share a conspirator look. Before I had the chance to stop them, they grabbed their other halves and made excuses about how they suddenly had things to do. Edward motioned for me to have a seat on the stool Jasper had just vacated.

"I had a feeling they would do that. Is this ok, though? Us being alone?" again with the sweetness.

"Yeah, it's fine." Completely nerve wracking, but fine. "You guys sounded great."

"Oh, thanks."

"Do  _you_  ever sing?"

"Umm..sometimes. Jazz is better."

"Oh." Think, think think. Keep the conversation going. "How about Emmett?"

"No, we don't let Em sing too often. Be glad you didn't have to be witness to that. He pretty much just screams. He thinks he sounds like Chris Martin, but sadly no. It's painful." We both laughed then sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes. He reached out and touched my knee. It felt like a jolt of electricity. "I'm glad you came today Bella." He looked into my eyes and I felt like I might melt into a puddle right there on the spot.

"I'm glad I came too." It was the truth. I wasn't quite sure where to go from here. So I asked the first thing that popped in my head. "Will you sing for me?"

"Really? Oh…well…I guess. Is there anything in particular you would like to hear?"

"No. Whatever you choose is fine."

"Well…hmmm…... Ok, I know what to play." He started strumming softly. It was a slow song, and it sounded vaguely familiar.

_I heard there was a secret chord  
that David played and it pleased the lord  
but you don't really care for music, do you  
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth  
the minor fall and the major lift  
the baffled king composing hallelujah_

_hallelujah..._

His voice was amazing. It was rich and full, with a soft edge. He was no less talented than Jasper at singing. Different, but no less captivating.

_Well there was a time when you let me know  
what's really going on below  
but now you never show that to me do you  
but remember when I moved in you  
and the holy dove was moving too  
and every breath we drew was hallelujah_

He finished the song and set his guitar at his feet.

"Wow, that was…wow. You should sing more often." to me especially.

"I'm glad you liked it. I've had that song stuck in my head for days. It feels good to get it out." He chuckled to himself. He put his hand back on my knee, and it was just a powerful shock as before. Maybe more. Our eyes met and it was just like before. The world melted away. He reached up and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. He trailed his fingers along my jaw and his thumb brushed over my bottom lip.

"Bella." He said softly. I tilted my head up and his hand moved to the back of my neck. I was barely breathing, my heart pounding in my chest. My body felt like it had an electrical current racing through it. This was  _it_. I parted my lips slightly as he leaned forward. I could feel his breath on me, the heat of his body so close to me, I closed my eyes; I anticipated the feel of his lips against mine. It was a perfect moment…


	12. Chapter 12

**EDWARD**

I had no idea Alice had planned this. Apparently she also recruited Jasper, who kept begging me all day to put some fucking clothes on.

"Bite me dude, I'm doing laundry and being a lazy ass today." For Fuck sake a dude can't just hang at his own house.

"Well, can you do it with pants on? I swear to God if little Edward pokes out to say hi, I'm going to punch you…and him."

"You know you want it." That actually did earn me a punch, but after living with Emmett it was like a mosquito bite.

The day passed like any other Saturday, with loud music, and video games. Alice and Rose disappeared for awhile, but I thought nothing of it, probably a fucking sale somewhere.

The lingering goodbye from yesterday was on my mind. It was getting harder and harder to say goodbye to Bella. I still didn't know quite where I stood. Alice was staying closed lipped, and it was driving me nuts. I tried to explain to her that I have a right to know how a girl feels about me, but she wouldn't budge. I thought about asking Rose, but even though we could have our moments, having a little heart to heart would definitely be uncomfortable.

Bella was all I thought about, she was in my dreams every night. I would fall asleep to the memory of holding her and wake up with raging morning wood. I finally had to start locking my door at night, because the thought of Alice jumping on my bed to wake me while I was in that state was seriously fucking disturbing.

I knew she was holding back. I wanted to explain to her that I would wait; I would be patient, if she would just give me a chance. For Bella, I think I would do fucking anything. I just needed a sign, something, anything to let me know I wasn't fucking beating myself to death over nothing but curiosity. It seems like it's a fucking constant distraction to me. I didn't even know that the girls had returned. Em and Jazz were still playing the Wii and I walked out of the kitchen to see Alice, Rose and a third unknown chick watching the guys. I was annoyed at first, seeing as how there was a stranger in my house while I was traipsing around in my underwear. But then I said 'fuck it, it's my house. If the chick can't handle it then get the fuck out." So I took my lucky charms and went to resume my insult tirade.

It took me a second to realize that the third girl was Bella. It was the blushing that gave her away. Bella was here and she looked fucking beautiful. Her hair, the dress, everything. Beautiful. I just stood there staring at her. Committing her image to memory. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life, bar none.

And I was standing in my boxers, with milk dribbling down my chin. Good thing I was too surprised for little Edward to respond because I know he was going to notice that fucking sweater dress and the way it showed off her perfect fucking collar bones. I quickly made bubbling excuses, the whole time amazed that the Bella I fell for could actually look sexy. Not that I didn't think it before, but this…this was  _sexy_. When it became apparent that little Edward had began to notice, I made a hasty exit. That was all I need to win her over, start sprouting a huge woody, in front of everyone, while in my boxers.

I ran up the stairs two at a time, locking the door behind me when I reached my room. I contemplated rubbing one out before I went back down. Seeing her like that got me all worked up. No, the thought of doing that while my beautiful Bella was downstairs was just wrong. Fuck, this was why Alice had been acting weird. This was the answer I kept bugging her for, she had to answer in the most dramatic way possible. Just like her to do something like that. I really should have expected something like this, but fuck.

Bella was here, and I was wasting time in my room. I grabbed some clothes that were on the top of the clean pile, got dressed and rushed back down the stairs. I walked into the family room, pausing for a minute to take in the scene before me. Bella looked so natural in the surroundings, like her being at my house was nothing out of the ordinary. I started hoping it would become ordinary for her to be here; I took my seat next to Bella and tried to keep from professing my every fucking feeling for her.

I took it slow with her, soft touches and subtle moves. I could tell she was nervous and I had no wish to scare her back to whatever thing had been holding her from me, but it was damn fucking hard to keep my hands off her. She was small and soft, and I could see every drool worthy curve of her body. Thank God for the distractions of my family and their completely obsessive competitive nature, because if we had been alone, there's no telling what I would have said.

Emmett almost made me lose my mind. His intentions were good but being with Rosalie for so long must have clouded his memory. Fucker must have forgotten what it's like to have a girl close to you and be dying to touch her but have to hold back. He gets the thought in his head and Rose is fucking climbing on his lap. Genius boy decides he needs to play Bella to "initiate" her. Of course we all know that having a potentially lethal projectile in her hands is not a good idea so what does that blue-ball makin' asshole do? Nominates me to keep my hands on her and insure the health and safety of all individuals within striking distance, human and electronic.

I started off just turning her shoulders in the right direction but then decided I better keep track of her hands too. I could have taken my hands off to get there but couldn't resist the temptation of feeling her arms all the way down. I thought I heard her breath catch but I wasn't sure. Did that mean she enjoyed the touch? I'd have to explore a little more to see. I showed her what to do with the controller and then decided to experiment a little. I adjusted myself closer to her and squeezed her hip a little with my hand. She didn't pull away. That's a good sign. I couldn't maintain the contact though, not only because I didn't want to push it but also because my dick definitely didn't miss the electricity that went through my body every time I touched her. I didn't want to have to explain to her that I did  _not_  have the other controller in my pocket. So I backed away a little and settled for holding her pinky on the couch instead of wrapping her entire body around me like I wanted. For her, I'd take what I could get.

When Jazz suggested we move the show down to the music room, I was fucking grateful. My hands and mind would be occupied, and I didn't run the risk of making a huge fucking ass out of myself. I didn't know what was wrong with me, being nervous around a girl was a new thing for me. I wasn't exactly a player but I wasn't inexperienced either.

However, this wasn't just any fucking girl. This was Bella. The girl that had replaced Tanya, the girl who made me hard just by biting her lip, the girl who had won over my whole family without even trying.

We rocked out a little and we actually sounded pretty good. I was glad because I really didn't want her walking away thinking 'what the fuck was that mess'. Alice and Rose dragged the guys away, just like I knew they would. I could see them sharing looks, plotting to give me and Bella time alone. When she asked me to sing for her, I paused for a moment trying to think of the perfect song for her. My body was saying 'sing Closer by Nine Inch Nails' but my heart did an override and I knew just the song to play. It popped into my head a few days ago, and I couldn't place it. I kept humming it, annoying everyone around me. Finally I heard it on Jazz's ipod and realized it was the song that had been playing on the radio the night I discovered Bella's truck. I spent a long night downloading the sheet music and learning how to play it. If everything between us failed, I would still have that amazing night and this song to remind me of it.

After the last note I gazed up and the look in her eyes made my whole body ache. The need to touch her was overwhelming. Before I could stop myself, I placed one hand on her knee, moved a stray lock of hair behind her ear and caressed her face. When I touched that bottom lip that I had spent so much time fantasizing about, all control was gone. Kissing her would be the ultimate answer. I moved as slow as I could stand, placing my hand behind her neck and gently pulling her forward. Her lips parted and I knew it was right.

Our lips met, and it was better than any fucking sex dream. I could taste the honey on her lips. My head was swimming. When Jazz told me about his first kiss with Alice, I teased him and called him a chick, but now I knew what he was talking about. Bella sighed into my mouth and I took it as a sign to take the kiss further. With our tongues pressed against each other, I moved my hand into her hair. That beautiful brown hair. Her breathing became faster, and I had to be closer to her. I slid the hand on her knee up her thigh to her hip as I scooted off the stool and placed myself between her legs. I had never wanted someone more in my life; Tanya didn't hold a candle to Bella in this moment. I both wanted to throw her on the couch and have my way with her and pull her into my lap and just hold her forever. I settled for pulling her hips close to mine then holding her beautiful face in my hands as I kissed her forehead. I pulled my face away so I could look into her eyes.

That was when the perfect moment met its fiery end.

Bella tensed. There was a sharp intake of breath and she looked down, pulling her face away from my hands. Fuck, I did exactly what I had feared, I pushed too fast. When I looked up at her, I saw tears streaming down her face.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She didn't respond, she was sobbing now. "Please, don't cry" I moved myself away from her a little to give her some room. " I'm sorry. I moved too fast…I'm….I'm sorry." Seeing Bella cry like this was breaking my heart. I would do whatever it took to make her happy again.

"Oh, Edward...I can't….I just can't do this."

"Bella, it's ok. I wasn't trying…we can go slow. Whatever you want." I went to touch her face, to give her some comfort but she pushed my hand away. "Please, just tell me what I did."

"You didn't…I mean…I just can't do this….with you." I recoiled at that last part,  _with you_. I felt a mixture of hurt and anger. Was I so fucking terrible? Did my actions prove something Charlie or even Jessica may have told her? I released her hip and took a step back.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but can I just explain…" explain that Jessica is a fucking cunt who lies through her teeth so she can manipulate anyone and everyone she has the opportunity to and your fucking father fell for it.

"I have to go. I need to leave,  _now_." What?

"Wait, please, Bella, just talk to me." I was literally begging her to stay. This couldn't be the way it ended. She shook her head and bolted for the door, knocking the stool over in the process. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, giving me hope, but not for long.

"Please tell Emmett my dad said he can work on the truck." She didn't even look at me when she said it. With that she walked out the door leaving me to stare after her. I couldn't believe this was happening. I had the perfect girl in my arms and I fucking ruined it. I truly was the asshole everyone thought I was.

I didn't know how much time passed, but eventually I noticed Jasper was standing above me, Rose and Emmett were standing in the doorway.

"Alice is driving her home." Jasper said. "What happened?"

"I don't know." That was true, I really didn't know, however I was pretty sure I was to blame.

"She was crying I practically had to carry her down the stairs." Twist the knife a little more there Jasper. "What happened?" He asked again.

"I kissed her, and she just started crying."

"Wow, you must be a really bad kisser." Emmett added from the door. I shot him a dirty look with a "fuck you" and Rose smacked him on the arm. "Sorry." He said sheepishly. I went back to staring at the floor. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and was about to shrug it off, when I realized it was a female hand. Rose was kneeling beside me.

"Edward, I'm sorry." Hell had just frozen over, Rose was comforting me. I looked at her like she was on drugs. She understood my expression. "I know, but I like Bella, and you know...you're pretty much family. She'll come around." Rose stood up and straightened out her clothes. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll shove my stiletto up your fucking ass."

She left, with Emmett behind her. I was left with Jasper; this was eerily similar to when Tanya had dumped my ass. Me and Jazz, silent, in the music room. We sat, waiting for Alice to get back.

Neither one of us spoke when Alice walked in. She gave Jazz a look, he nodded and left. Alice righted the stool, and sat where not too long ago, my Bella had been…no…she wasn't mine, even if I wanted her to be. She was just Bella.

Alice was crying, I could tell without even looking at her. It was one major downside to being twins, and being very close ones.

"Edward, I'm so very very sorry." Why, you're not the fucker who just made the person who owns your heart run out sobbing. That was me.

"It's not your fault Alice. Did she say anything? Anything at all?" I had to know, there was no way Alice was going to keep shit from me again.

"No, nothing. I swear. She was so happy today, I just don't understand it." I stayed quite. I had no words. We stayed like that until Alice's head started to droop, and Jasper somehow sensing it, come down and carried her to bed.

I was cold and cramped after waking up on the music room floor. I decided to go upstairs, to sulk in my room. Rose and Jazz were leaving; Esme and Carlisle were due home soon, and they wanted to keep up the illusion that they didn't spend the whole weekend here.

I passed Emmett and Alice, but didn't speak to them. I spent several hours in my room, huddled under the covers, wondering what the hell went wrong. Replaying every fucking detail in my head trying to figure it out. I hadn't imagined that she kissed back right? Her body language, the small noises she made, she had been into it, right? I guess my actions had implied I wanted something more, but if she had just given me the chance to explain. I would never force Bella to do anything she didn't want to. If she wanted to spend the next six fucking months just holding hands, I would agree to it, as long as I got to be with her.

Eventually Alice let herself in, sitting on the edge of my bed. She didn't wait for me to speak.

"Bella won't take my phone calls. Charlie said she's sick." I grunted under the covers. "Aunt Esme wants you to eat something." I heard her set something on my nightstand, probably a plate overloaded with comfort food. "I told her you and Bella had a date and it didn't go very well."

I lifted the covers and looked over at Alice. Her eyes were red; she was in an impossible situation. She felt sympathy for her brother as well as her friend. Alice was lost when she couldn't fix something, and right now, she didn't know how to fix it.

"You have to tell me what she said, Alice. Everything." Throw me a fucking bone, I'm dying here.

"It's betraying her trust."

"Please Alice, I need to know. I don't know what the fuck to do."

"All she ever said was that she wanted to be with you. That she wanted to get closer to you." That stung, knowing I was what she wanted before the fateful kiss. Fucking hormones, I hate you.

"I think…I think I went too fast. I think I scared her."

"What happened?" Alice was the only one that could help, so I told her. I told her every single detail of the kiss. When I was done, she sighed, "Maybe…maybe it was too fast, but not just on your end, maybe she pushed herself too fast too. It was only few days ago that she decided it was you she wanted. I think she's scared, but not of the physical stuff. She's scared of something else."

"But what? What could possibly scare her into keeping herself unhappy?"

"I don't know Edward; she won't open up to me. I'm trying to patient, but I can't help her if she just won't let me."

"I need to talk to her. I just need to tell her I'm sorry. I'll fucking wait, if that's what she wants. I'll wait until she's ready. If she wants me to fuck off, I'll do that too. God, if she wanted me to profess my love for her in front of Charlie, I'd probably fucking do it."

"Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. I would hate to see you brutally murdered." She cracked a small smile. I didn't find it all that funny, since it could seriously be a possibility. It hadn't crossed my mind until now what Charlie must have thought to have his daughter come home from a supposed shopping trip in tears. Though I didn't think Bella would tell him anything, he would probably put two and two together, and figure out I had something to do with it. Alice got the hint. "He didn't say anything when I called; just that she was sick and couldn't come to the phone. I'm sure she made something up, Bella may have been upset, but I don't think she'd sick her father on you."

Alice didn't stay much longer, she reminded me to try and eat then left, probably to go be with Jazz. I didn't leave my room. Emmett came to my door, telling me I was being an emo bitch, but I just ignored him. Emmett had the girl he wanted, he didn't understand. Same with Jazz, only he was slightly more compassionate and understanding, ok a ton more. Esme came to check on me too, but I feigned sleep. She smoothed my hair back, and kissed me on the forehead.

"Oh Edward, she'll love you, she just doesn't know it yet." She whispered above me. Just like Esme, always the silver lining, must be where my sister gets it. I waited until the door clicked after her to open my eyes. I stared into the dark, and my cell started beeping. It was a message from Alice.

_I hope this helps. Don't worry, we'll work it out._

It was a picture Alice must have taken with her phone. It was me and Bella during our lingering goodbye on Friday. I was just barely touching her hand, and she was smiling up at me. We looked like a happy couple, completely in love. Though it fucking hurt to see it and know it might never happen again, it was evident that there was something there, I hadn't made it up in my head. I sent her a message back.

_Work it out Alice. Please!_


	13. Chapter 13

**BELLA**

I stumbled up the stairs, barely able to see through the tears. Oh, God, what have I done? It was horrible, the look on Edward's face when I left, it just made everything worse. I never wanted to hurt him, but how could I ever explain this?

I made it, somehow, to Alice's purple door, and knocked. "Alice…Alice, please open the door." I heard some rustling sounds, and Jasper opened the door. He was shirtless, meaning I not only I fucked up Edward's afternoon, I was now fucking up Alice's. "Where's Alice?" I asked barely audible, casting my eyes to the floor.

"She's in the bathroom, what's wrong? Are you ok?" Jasper reached out and touched my shoulder. "Is Edward ok?" No I was having an epic emotional fail and Edward, I'm pretty sure, is feeling like a big pile of shit, but I choked out a yes. Alice peeked around the door of the bathroom and as soon as she saw my face she came running over to me.

"Oh my God, Bells? What's wrong?" She put my face in her hands and bent down to look me in the eye. Everything, everything is wrong, but I just can't tell you.

"Can you please just take me home? I need to go home." I need to be with my locket, my Jacob.

"Home?" She asked, clearly not understanding. I grabbed her hand and started pulling her. "Ok, Bella, I'll take you home, calm down honey." Her voice was a little panicked, but she was trying to comfort me. I went to the stairs, my ankle giving out in the heels. I would have fallen all the way down, if Jasper hadn't caught me.

"Let me help you." He must have put a shirt on while I was begging Alice to take me home. It was a Staind shirt, almost the same one Edward had been wearing when I first met him. The sobbing started all over again; I collapsed completely into Jasper's arms. He seemed a little shocked; but he took it in stride and helped me down the stairs. When we made it down, Alice took my arm, and guided me to the door and out to the car.

The ride home was quiet; the only sound was my crying. We pulled into my driveway, and I felt relief when I noticed Charlie's car wasn't there. If he saw me like this there would be too many questions and I had no idea how I would answer them.

Alice parked the car and I started to get out but she reached out for my hand.

"Wait. Please tell me what happened." I looked down at my feet, knowing I needed to tell her but not having a clue how to do it. How could I explain to her every thought that was running through my head? That I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions at once. That for a brief instant, I felt like I could actually love her brother and be free and happy, only to have it crushed by guilt.

"I wish I could tell you, but I can't. You wouldn't understand."

"Bella, please let me help you. Just talk to me."  _just talk to me…just talk to me._ That's what Edward had asked of me, when I walked out. The pain was so clear in his voice. Pain  _I_  was causing.

"Alice, I want to talk to you, tell you everything. I'm just not ready yet." My response seemed to hurt her and she sat back in her seat looking defeated. Must I hurt everyone that means anything to me? What kind of fucking monster am I? All Alice wanted was for me to be happy, to make her brother happy, and I failed, miserably.

"When you  _are_  ready, I'm here." She was upset; I could hear it in her voice. I nodded, unable to speak or give her what she wanted. I climbed out of the car, not even saying goodbye.

I ran through the door and up to my room. I pulled the locket out of the pillowcase and stared at it, rubbing it as if I could somehow sooth it. Make up for what I had just done. At first I was comforted, but that feeling quickly gave way to anger. This locket was tearing me apart. I could deal with the guilt dragging  _me_  down, but now it was affecting Alice and Edward. In that moment, I hated it, I hated Billy, I even hated Jacob. How could I hate  _Jacob_?

I had been so sure, when our lips touched, that this was what I wanted; Edward was the one who would help me, the one I was going to be with. I would have done whatever he wanted, if only to prove to him that he was the one I had chosen. His touch sent sparks through my whole body. When he pressed his hips to mine, I was willing. I could feel the pull of guilt inside me, but I controlled it.

It was the kiss on the forehead that broke me. When he took my face in his hands, and it was the same gesture, the same loving look in his eyes as Jacob, I lost it. Before I knew it, the tears were coming and I was telling Edward that I couldn't be with him. It was all a blur, except for the pained expression on his face that was now burned into my memory. He wanted to explain his actions, but I couldn't even give him the comfort of telling him he had nothing to explain. I ran, not able to bare the sight of my Jacob's face, covering my Edward's.

Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn't I just let Jacob go? He was never coming back, he was never going to pop up someday and ask why I was with someone else. I would wait forever if that was the case but it isn't because he's dead, and it's my fault.

_He's gone because of you._

It was the familiar voice in my head, the voice of an angry, grieving father…Billy. It twisted in me like a knife. I sunk to the floor, cradling the locket close to my heart. How could I move on, knowing what I did?

I stayed like that, huddled on the floor as my room grew dark. Even when I heard Charlie come home, I didn't move. I couldn't, everything was just so wrong, and I didn't want to face it.

"Bella? Are you home yet?" He called from downstairs. I knew I should answer; I opened my mouth, but only a strangled sob escaped. "Bella?" He was on his way to my room, two stairs at a time. He came in, turned on the light, and saw me on the floor. "God, are you hurt? Bella, are you ok?" He knelt down beside me, the worried expression back full-scale.

"I'm fucked up Dad." I whimpered, it was the only thing that came to mind, yet it so perfectly described everything. He ignored the use of profanity in his presence and wrapped his arms around me. It was stiff and awkward, he wasn't use to this kind of contact, but it was just what I needed. I wept into his chest until I couldn't breathe. When I was done, he picked me up and laid me on my bed.

"I'm going to assume today wasn't just a shopping trip but I'm not going to push for details. There's nothing wrong with you honey. You did everything you could, you can't change the past. You can't live in it either." He took Alice's shoes off my feet and brought the covers up to my chin. "Get some sleep. We'll deal with this tomorrow." Sleep was what I wanted, numbness. I fell asleep with Charlie sitting on my bed rubbing my back.

" _Bella, how could you, I thought you said you love me?"_

" _I do love you, I'm so sorry."_

" _No, you don't." He said flatly. He turned and walked away._

" _Wait, come back." He was gone. I was running, searching for him, but I couldn't find him "Jacob! JACOB!, I'm. so. sorry."_

I bolted upright in bed, beads of sweat running down my forehead. I never had a dream like that before; I was still feeling the pain of not finding him. It was daylight, but I wasn't clear on the time. I noticed the clock was unplugged, Charlie must have done it. I was about to get out of bed to use the bathroom, when I heard yelling.

"I told you, Renee, I don't know….She was fine yesterday….No, I'm not sending her back….It's barely been a month….You have to give her time….How the hell would you understand….you're the one that shipped her here, Renee, because you couldn't handle it….oh, so it can happen all over again….As long as that man lives, Bella is  _not_ going back there…Fine!" the phone slammed down and I heard a string of profanities not usually in my father's vocabulary.

Charlie and Renee were fighting, my fucked up emotions were dragging more and more people down. I quietly snuck out of my room and went to the bathroom. Charlie was waiting for me at the top of the steps when I exited. He was carrying a tray with toast and Chicken noodle soup.

"You need to eat." no, I need to fade away…stop hurting the people I love, eat-not so much.

"What time is it?"

"A little after noon. Alice called; I told her you were sick." Alice, she was such a wonderful friend and I couldn't return the favor. I couldn't open up to her even though she's the one person who might actually get it and be able to help. I was being completely selfish. The knowledge of this fact only added to my misery.

Charlie followed me into my room and set the food on my dresser. I crawled back into bed. He looked like he was about to speak, but instead turned and left. I took my locket and placed it around my neck. I haven't worn it since that night, the night my  _whole world_  crumbled around me.

_I'll love you forever, Bells._

I felt sick, remembering his words spoken so lovingly to me. Could I love him forever and still love another? Edward had been so sweet yesterday, making sure that he wasn't pushing too far or too fast. He deserved someone that could love him with their whole heart. Why couldn't I just be that person for him? I wanted to….I really wanted to.

I spent the rest of the day and into the night, hiding in my room, turning down phone calls from Alice. I cried, cried for Jacob and for Edward. I tossed and turned all night, wishing in my dreams that I could just be Happy Bella.

I dreaded going to school Monday, knowing that I would have to face Edward. Charlie wouldn't let me stay home. I came very close to begging him. I kept my head down between classes. During English, I avoided eye contact with Alice and barely spoke a word. God, I was fucking horrible. After class, Alice tried to talk to me, but all I could manage was "I'm sorry" and I ran out of the room. I knew I couldn't sit with them. I knew I wouldn't be able to control my emotions sitting so close to him. So I spent my lunch in the library. I tried to prepare myself for Biology, but when I walked into that room, I was at a loss.

Edward was already there, he was slouching over the table. His hair wasn't its normal casual mess; it looked like it hadn't actually been dealt with at all. He didn't shave, his face covered in stubble. He looked up and gave me a sad smile. I almost bolted again. I was now feeling twice the guilt. Guilt for wanting him and guilt for hurting him.

His eyes followed me, staying on me even after I sat next to him. I didn't say a word. I couldn't even comfort him. I could hardly breathe. His hand was on the table. I was so close to him, I wanted to grab it, say it was him I wanted and that everything would be ok. But I couldn't.

_I'll love you forever, Bells._

The voice was just taunting me; it wasn't even Jacob's anymore. It was just a nameless voice. I hid behind my hair, and answered every question the teacher asked. Anything to distract me from Edward and avoid having to look into his sad eyes.

I passed Edward, Alice and Jasper on the way to my truck. Jasper waved and I managed a small reciprocal gesture but Edward turned his back to me. I stopped, resisting the urge to run to him. The tears came again, caused by the knowledge that Edward was turning away from me already, the hold Jacob had on my heart taking too long let go. Could I blame him, after what I did to him? I'm surprised he didn't tell me to go fuck myself during Biology.

When I got home, I was surprised to see Emmett sitting on my porch steps. I got out of the truck and he patted the step next to him.

"Hiya, Jelly Belly." He said softly as I sat next to him. He reached over and gave me a little one arm hug. It was one of the most comforting gestures I have ever experienced in my life. I could tell that he really did care about me, in a little sister kind of way.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Not that I minded, I just really had no clue.

"Waiting on your dad, he got my cell number through my dad. He wanted to know when I was coming to work on your truck."

"Oh." My dad called him? I guess Edward didn't pass along the message.

"I think he thought I might bring Rose or Alice." Oh dad. I knew what he was trying to do. "We missed you at lunch today. Edward…he…he's been through some shit. He deserves to know what's going on."

"I know, but…" I just couldn't spit it out. I couldn't tell Alice, I couldn't tell Emmett; how the hell was I going to tell Edward.

"Bella, don't tell me, tell  _him_."

"I'm sorry Emmett." For all of this. For being and emotional invalid. For sucking you all down with me.

"I know. I'm just protective of Alice and Edward...and you, too. You're my Jelly Belly….you're supposed to be light and fruity….a wondrous taste." We sat in silence for a few minutes. Emmett not knowing what to say and me trying to figure out what the hell he meant….light and fruity? "I should warn you, Alice is already formulating a new plan, and you should just go along with it. If anyone can help you, it's her."

Charlie pulled in before I got the chance to respond. He seemed disappointed when Alice and Rose weren't here but recovered when Emmett started talking about the things he wanted to do to the truck. I went to my room to think about what Emmett had said about Alice's new plan.

During English on Tuesday, Alice made no indication she wanted to talk to me. She didn't even look at me. I caught Jessica staring in our direction more than once, no doubt taking note that Alice and I weren't talking.

After the bell rang, I was heading for the library again when someone grabbed my elbow. At first I thought it was Jessica, and I was about ready to tell her off. I was caught by surprise when I turned and it was Alice.

"You're coming with me." I started to resist out of confusion, but I remembered what Emmett had said, a new plan. Besides, when Alice was on a mission it was futile to resist. She had a way of getting what she wanted, there was no mistaking that. I let her pull me out the doors and behind the gym to a set of picnic tables. There was a small basket sitting on top of one. Was she serious? A picnic?

"Alice, what is this?"

"It's a picnic."

"Yeah, I can see that. Why are we having a picnic?" She didn't really think this was going to fix the situation, did she? We got to the table with the basket and she pushed gently on my shoulders for me to sit me down. I sat, completely confounded by the purpose of this picnic.

"We are having a picnic because you  _won't_ take my calls, you  _won't_  talk to me during English, and I  _can't_  just show up at your house to talk about Edward now can I? And… I happen to like picnics."

"What do you want me to say?" I'm a rotten excuse for a human and you should run while you still have some happy thoughts…before I suck the life out of those too.

"Right now, I just want you to listen." Alice walked around to the other side and sat across from me. "I'm your friend, Bella, you can always talk to me. It's killing me that you're hurting and I don't know why. It's killing me that my brother's hurting and I can't fix it because I don't know what's wrong. I can't help either one of you because I don't know what's going on! I'm trying to be patient, Bella, but you have to tell me something. Please."

"It's not that easy Alice, I'm not like you. I can't…."

"Not like me? Bella, do you know how long it took me to even be able to say the word "parents"? It was six months before I could mention them to anyone but Edward. It wasn't until after we moved here and we found Jasper and Rose that we could even tell people what happened. Friends, Bells, people that love us; that's what helps the most. I want to be that for you, we all do. You just have to let us in. No matter what it is that's bothering you." Alice's eyes welled up with tears. Mine soon followed. She reached across the table and held my hand. "Please." Seeing Alice like this, knowing that all she was trying to do was be there for me, I had to tell her. Everything came rushing out at once.

"I just don't know what to say. I want Edward…I do…but I just can't. The guilt is just too much…he's gone, and I can't bring him back. And it's my fault,  _my fault_! We said we'd love each other forever, how can I just forget that?"

Alice just sat there looking at me with understanding eyes. I took a deep breath and started.

"His name is… was, Jacob Black. Our mothers had been friends since before we were born. We started hanging out a lot when we were about fourteen or so. He had changed from a baby faced prankster to a tall, handsome man. I used to kid him that the only reason he ran around all the time without a shirt on was so he could make all the other guys jealous. He never disputed that either." I had to let out a little giggle, it was just so Jacob. "We were best friends. We could talk for hours about everything and nothing and it never seemed like enough time. He was my first kiss, my first date, my first everything…well not  _everything_ , I'm still a virgin, but close. He was my whole life. I have never been as happy as I was when I was with him, until Edward. He used to sneak up behind me and hug me, bury his face in my hair, and take a long deep breath. When I asked him why he did that he would say that he loved to feel my heartbeat as it raced with surprise because it showed him know I was alive and not just the perfect dream, the hug was so I would know I was his and the deep breath was so he could remember my smell when I wasn't there because it was the best smell in the world. He was  _my_  Jacob and I was  _his_  Bella."

"Sounds like you really love him." Alice's voice couldn't hide her sadness, more for her brother than herself, I think.

"Yes. But…" How could I continue? I felt the tears running down my face. "He would have been much better off if he didn't love me so much." A rush of raw emotion came over me and I hid my face in my hands.

"It's ok, Bella. Take your time." I swallowed and let myself continue.

"It was my birthday. Jacob's family decided to throw me a surprise birthday party." I paused and looked at Alice. Her face was almost comical. She knows me well enough to know how well that would go over with me. "Jacob tried to talk them out of it but they did it anyway. I think it was more of an excuse to have a party than it really was for me. He picked me up at my house and took me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. He had reserved a secluded table at the back and had it decorated with candles and calla lilies, my favorite flower. He was so sweet. He pulled out my chair, kissed my cheek and nervously took his chair. It was funny really, I don't know how he ever thought he'd keep a secret from me…I always knew when something was up with him. We ate our dinner and the waiter came and cleared what was left. Jacob didn't show any sign of wanting to leave so we were just sitting there enjoying each other.

' _Bella, I know you aren't big on presents and surprises but I bought you something for your birthday._ ' I couldn't even fake being upset with him. I just smiled and he got so excited. He pulled a box out of his coat pocket and handed it over to me. I opened it with anticipation and actually gasped when I saw what was inside. It was a necklace with a heart shaped locket. On the locket was an engraving of a dove. Jacob took it out of the box and showed it to me. He explained that in Native American culture the dove represents love. I got up out of my seat and ran over to hug him. He hugged me back but laughed and said "That's not the best part." He flipped the locket over to reveal an inscription. The locket…" I was wiping away the tears now. There was no holding them back; Alice's tears were free-flowing as well. I think she was beginning to understand, a little. "The locket said, 'I'll love you, forever'. Jacob put it on me and kissed the back of my neck, and then we left for home. I was ecstatic. All the way home I held the locket in my hand. When we got to Jacob's house, he pulled over and parked. He reached over and took the locket in his hand and kissed it. He reached over…" the tears choked my words and I had to take a few breathes to continue. "He reached over and kissed the locket then whispered in my ear, 'I  _will_  love you forever, Bella."

Alice grabbed my hand but didn't speak. I think maybe the tears had choked her words too. I continued with my story, "We got out of the car and walked up to house. I noticed there were tons of cars parked in the back of the house out by the work shed. Jacob gave me an innocent grin and just shrugged his shoulders. I got angry at him; at his family…did they  _not_  know me at all. This was my idea of hell...being the center of attention with a bunch of people giving me presents. I started pouting and walking off toward town. Jacob caught up to me, probably took him about two strides. He apologized and said we didn't have to stay. We could go drive around a little and he'd call his dad and tell him I got sick after dinner and wanted to go home. So I said ok, I let him walk away from his family without even saying goodbye."

"Bella…." She had a look of confusion.

"No, Alice please, just let me get it out. When we left the party we drove around for a little while and he decided to show me his old childhood hangout. He called it his 'Pre-Bella chick buffet'; he knew it drove me crazy to think of him with another girl. He was  _my_  Jacob. We drove to Verde Park and parked under the lights. The park was closed so it was peaceful. We talked about what it was like when we were kids, what it was like now. We told each other how much we loved the other and just sat there holding on to one another until…."

I dropped my head into my hands and wept. Alice just waited, holding my hand, crying softly with me.

It took a few minutes but I pulled myself together. We both used the picnic napkins for purposes they were not intended for but it made it easier to talk without the stuffiness.

"We were sitting there holding each other when I suddenly felt Jake tense up. I turned to see what was wrong and I noticed a man standing outside the driver's side window…"

A sudden loud and obnoxious sound make Alice and I both nearly jump out of our skins. The lunch bell, cursed thing. It was time to go back to class. We contemplated skipping class but then something even  _more_  obnoxious then the lunch bell interrupted us. Jessica Stanley.

"Bella Swan! I just talked to Lauren and she said her mom said that she saw Charlie in the mall in Port Angeles and he was buying you a cell phone for your BIRTHDAY! Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming? I am so throwing you a party…no, don't even tell me no…I won't take no for an answer. I will email you the details. Just show up, I'll do the rest. Alice, I hope I have your correct address. Wouldn't want your invite to get lost in the mail, now would we? " With that, she sauntered off leaving Alice and I paused at our picnic table, jaws gaping.

After a moment, I took a deep breath and confided in Alice, "Alice, I can't talk anymore right now, ok? I need….I really…I just gotta go. I'll tell you more later. I'm going home…I'll call you." I quickly gathered my things and made a hasty retreat. I wanted to tell her the whole story but my heart just couldn't take it. Bringing up all those old memories of Jacob was painful, beyond painful, it was heartbreaking. I had to get home, home to my locket, home to Jacob. I risked a brief look back at Alice and saw her grab her phone. She was texting someone.


	14. Chapter 14

**EDWARD**

Monday morning I woke up with my alarm for once.  _Bella._ She was the last thing I thought about before sleep, the first thing I thought about in the morning. The way she looked in that dress, the taste of her sweet lips, the tears running down her face.

I got dressed, not even bothering to shave or brush my hair. Who did I have to impress? Fucking no one. I sat at the table with my family and picked at my breakfast. No one spoke; they didn't know what to say. Emmett tried, "Hey cheer up. It could be worse. She could have given you a bunch of cold sores." and failed. That one earned him a kick in the shin from Alice and an eat-shit skunk eye from me.

I was not looking forward to this day. Bella had avoided Alice's calls, I was pretty sure she was going to avoid all of us. I turned out to be right. Alice came to the lunch saying Bella wouldn't even look at her.

"Edward, she looked so miserable. I just wanted to hug her." Alice laid her head against Jasper's shoulder and he kissed her forehead for comfort. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I was fucking nervous for Biology. Would she even show up or skip it like she was skipping lunch? I was secretly hoping she would just come running to the cafeteria and kiss me, tell me I was hers and she was mine. I kept that little fantasy to myself, I was sure it would earn me another "emo bitch" from Emmett.

I tuned out the conversations around me, running through my head all the things I could say to her. None of them fucking sounded right. Especially since I didn't know what I had done to make her so upset.

I must have played the scene in my head a million times. Dissecting every second, every movement, but I just felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall, I couldn't see where I went wrong. I put my head down on the lunch table. I felt a hand on the back of my head, comforting me. I desperately wished it was Bella, but I knew it was Alice.

"A new plan, Edward. That's all I need." Alice took a deep breath and squared her shoulders like Emmett. "I'm going to fix this. She just needs a little push."

"I think kissing her was a pretty good push." I said into the table.

"Well, you pushed and something else pulled back. I'm going to push again."

"Alice, are you going to kiss her, cuz, even though you're my cousin that would still be kinda hot." God Emmett, can you ever think of anything besides sex? I turned my head to look at Alice, and she rolled her eyes.

"Em, that's just wrong" She gave Emmett a dismissing scowl and he laughed. "Anyways… a new plan." She sounded hopeful. She got that determined look on her face, the one she gets when she's plotting. I had a feeling she was going to want us to put our heads together tonight, but I just wasn't feeling it.

Lunch ended, and I slowly walked to Biology, hoping I would catch a glimpse of her in the halls. It felt odd walking to class alone. I had become so used to walking with her; it felt like I had forgotten something. But I didn't, Bella was trying to forget me. It just depressed me further. She wasn't at the table when I entered the room. I sat down, hunched over the desk, wishing I could go back in time. Last week had been smiles and laughter, now it was just fucking dead.

I saw her walk in out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and our eyes met. She froze and for a brief second, I thought we were going to have one of our moments, so I smiled. When she didn't return it, I felt my like my heart was going to fucking break. I kept my eyes on her as she shuffled to her seat. She was hiding behind her hair, like she did the first time I made her cry.

Our hands were so close I could feel the heat from her little hand. I couldn't fucking tear my eyes away. I wanted to take her into my arms, tell her everything was going to be fine, smooth that hair away from her beautiful face. I wanted to tell her I would fucking wait, that I never wanted to hurt her. I just needed her to know how I felt about her. It was all on the tip of my tongue, but her hand shot up at each question Mr. Banner asked. She fucking ignored me, avoided me.

I wanted to be pissed, I wanted to scream and tell her to just stop fucking playing with me and tell me what I did, but I just couldn't do that to her.

I skipped the rest of my classes, went outside and sat on the hood of the Volvo to wait for Alice and Jazz. The urge to punch through the fucking windshield occurred more than once. The urge to crawl at her feet and beg was there too. I couldn't do either. I did the only other thing I could think of.

I fucking cried. They were tears of hurt, anger and frustration. I hadn't cried like that in years, not since my dad's funeral. Instead of making me feel better, like Alice always says a good cry should, it made me feel like shit. My only solace was knowing that everyone else was in class and no one would see me bawl like a pussy-baby. Sitting here sobbing like a bitch was not going to get me anywhere so I sucked it up and prepared myself for the mass exodus of students as I heard the final bell ring.

Alice and Jazz came up to the car, seeing the signs of my crying, but saying nothing about it. Alice walked around to the passenger's side as Jasper started to get in behind me. He stopped midway and waved to someone. I followed his gaze in time to see Bella wave back. Fuck. She did look miserable. I had to turn away, I didn't want her to see me so weak, crying. And I had to suppress the urge to tackle her and grovel at her feet when I saw her. So I did the only thing I could, I turned my back to her.

I didn't speak during the ride home or during dinner. Alice came in my room telling me she had a new plan, assuring me this one was going to work. I had my doubts, maybe nothing would work. I couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning, hearing Bella's laughter, hearing her saying my name.

"Lunch today Edward. I'm going to take Bella and convince her to talk to me. I'm not taking no for an answer." Alice informed me as we walked into school.

"Ok." I didn't have much hope that this was going to work. Alice of course was confident, always the silver lining. Nevertheless I was nervous all morning. Even though I knew a thirty minute talk was not going to have Bella running into my arms, I still couldn't stop myself from envisioning it…hoping for it.

Lunch was dreadfully long. The waiting was killing me. I kept checking to see if my phone was on, willing it to receive a text or something from Alice. Everyone tried to keep me entertained, keep me from thinking about what was going out outside those doors. It didn't work. What the fuck was Bella telling her?

The bell rang and still no word. No one rushed to move, they were waiting to know something too. When we couldn't wait anymore, we all left. Rose was halfway down the hall when I heard her phone chirp. I was exponentially thankful for her normally annoying habit of never remembering to put it on silent.

Rosalie stopped in her tracks and turned to Emmett, "Shit, it's from Alice." This caused me to practically sprint down the hall to catch up t her.

"What did she say?" I looked over Rose's shoulder to read the message. I managed to read it before she jerked it away.

_Plan sorta worked. IMPORTANT: stop Jess from throwing bday party for Bella. Don't tell Edward!_

"Don't tell me?" A million questions popped into my head. Alice knew what was wrong? Why was she texting Rose instead of me? And what the fuck did Jessica have to do with any of this? Wait….Jessica…she was fucking planning something. She had been too quiet after that day I flipped her off. Shit, I  _knew_  it was going to come back and bite me in the ass. She was going to fuck with Bella. She'd done it to other girls before, ones she caught fucking around with Mike. Bella might not want me, but I was not going to let that skuzzy bitch hurt her.

"No, Edward. I can see what you're thinking. Leave Jess to me and Alice. That bitch knows better than to cross me. We won't let her do anything to Bella." I was about to respond, to tell her she hasn't seen firsthand the things Jessica has done, but Mr. Banner walked into the hall.

"Mr. Cullen, are you going to grace us with your presence today?" Shit. I sat through Biology and the rest of my classes, missing Bella, worrying about her and wishing Jessica would just drop off the face of the earth. I could only imagine the number of things she had in mind for Bella. But I knew for damn sure I wasn't going to let her get away with any one of them.

After running through the worst of scenarios, I raced to a spot I knew Jess would be at. Phys. Ed. was her last period, and she always parked her car behind the gym next to the teacher's lot. I could see the picnic table where Alice said she was going to take Bella for their talk. Jessica was leaning against her car, probably waiting on Mike. She heard me walk up and smiled. She leaned back a little further and arched her back in a seductive way. I felt my stomach turn.

"Edward, how nice to see you."

"What are you going to do to Bella?" straight to the point. I didn't want to talk to this bitch any more than I had to.

"I don't even get a hello?" She stuck her leg out and rubbed her foot along my leg. I didn't want her touching me, so I took a step back.

"Whatever you are planning in that twisted fucking head of yours, just fucking stop." This seemed to piss her off. She moved off her car and walked over to me.

"Aw, are you afraid I'm going to hurt your little girlfriend?" girlfriend? I wish.

"Just fucking leave her alone. Don't you worry about what her father will do if you mess with her?" Because I sure did, every fucking day. Jessica laughed.

"I think we both know that her father will believe anything I tell him."

"You're a real fucking bitch Jess. You were proved to be a fucking liar if you remember correctly."

"Oh Eddie, don't get all pissy. I wasn't going to do anything but throw her a little birthday party. She deserves some fun, don't you think?"

"Just fucking stay away from her." I turned to leave, but she reached out and grabbed the front of my shirt.

"Get off me." note to self, burn this shirt.

"Are you really into  _Bella_? The little goody goody that cries when she thinks no one is looking? Don't you remember how much fun we used to have?" She tried to run her fingers down my chest toward the waistband of my jeans, but I smacked her hand away.

"Fuck off." I tried to pry her hand off my shirt. It was useless, unless I wanted to rip a hole in the shirt; she had a fucking death grip on it.

"Go torture Mike." with great bodily harm would be fine with me, fucker.

"I'm bored with Mike. You know he wants to fuck Bella right? You should hear some of the things he wants to do to her." I could feel my temper rising. "He really thinks I'm not listening when he talks to his friends."

"Let. Go. Of. Me." I growled at her.

"You know what I should do? I should tell her all the things you and I used to do. She needs to know the things you'll… _expect_  of her." I wanted to fucking kill her. If she _ever_  told Bella anything we did, I swear to God, I'd make her live to regret it. I had been so fucked up over Tanya, I just agreed to anything Jessica wanted to do. I let her walk all over me and when I finally woke up, realized what a skanky whore she and dumped her ass; I got a sick satisfaction in seeing her cry. "I think she should know what you like. I mean, her dad's a cop so she probably already has handcuffs…" That was enough.

"Fuck you Jessica." I grabbed her wrist and pulled, no longer caring about the damn shirt. She smiled as I did it, she was probably enjoying it, she liked it rough. The shirt ripped, and I pushed her arm away. "Stay away from Bella, and stay away from me." I looked her square in the eyes with a look that would have crippled most people. But Jess isn't most people, she's a manipulative conniving bitch.

"I wonder how Charlie would feel if he knew about you and his little girl." This stopped me, she would fucking do it too. She would call him and lie her fucking ass off. And he would believe her because he hates my fucking guts.

"There's nothing going on. She's just… she doesn't need  _you_  around. You really want to piss off Rosalie?" The mention of Rose wiped the smug smile right off her face. Jess might be manipulative, but Rose could be just plain evil if she needed to be. After Jess had pulled her little stunt with Chief Swan, Rose had made her life a living hell. I doubted Jessica wanted to go through that again.

"Fuck Rosalie." She spat. "She'll get tired of you Edward, just like Tanya did, and you'll crawl right back into my bed."

"I would rather have Chief Swan fuck me in the ass with a billy club than fuck you again." Shit, I was letting her get to me. Once again I tried to turn and walk away, only to be fucking pushed from behind.

"What the fuck you doing with my girl, Cullen?" Fucking Newton. I was not in the mood for this shit.

"Fuck you Mike, I was leaving."

"The fuck you are!" he pushed me again. Along with his ass fetish, he also had some serious rage issues. He even tried to fight Em once; which lasted all of about two seconds. Normally he was a bit timid around me, he was witness to the whole Tanya incident, but today he must have had his big girl panties on.

"I'm not going to fight you Mike." Breathe Edward, just breathe, stay calm. This prick was not worth the effort.

"You're such a fucking pussy." He pushed me for a third time, and I fell against the hood of Jessica's car. He leaned over and punched me in the stomach. I doubled over, willing my temper to stay in control. I really did plan on taking it, walking away and swallowing my anger, until he bent down next to my ear. "Jess is right, she's going to get sick of you, and then I'm going to fuck the shit out of her." He was not going to fucking touch my Bella. I lunged forward, my shoulder hitting him in the stomach, knocking him on his ass. I started to stand up, but he pulled a cheap shot, kicking me in the groin. The pain dropped me to my knees, but it only enraged me further. Since he was a slow fuck, he still hadn't got up from the ground yet. I was level with his face, so I pulled back and punched him square in the jaw laying him flat out on the ground. Jessica screamed and ran over to him, just as Mrs. Maynard came running out of the building, followed by Angela Weber.

"Both of you, principal's office, now!" Mrs. Maynard shouted. Jess helped Mike up, and Angela came to help me up. We all walked to Mr. Wagner's office. Mike and I both took the chairs facing his desk, while he stepped out to speak to Mrs. Maynard and Angela.

"Fuck you Cullen." He whispered as he open and closed his jaw, rubbing it on the side that just got fucking rocked by my hard right. I could hear the hatred in his voice.

"Fuck you Newton." I really fucking hoped he could hear the hatred in mine. When Mr. Wagner came back in, he sat on the edge of his desk and sighed.

"You're both suspended. Mr. Newton, since you started the fight, you're suspended for five days. Mr. Cullen you're suspended for three days. You will both be expected to keep up with your classes while you are out, or you'll receive failing marks on your midterms. You're lucky I'm not calling the police. This better never happen again, or I will have you both arrested. Now, please leave the school grounds, you are not to return until your suspensions are over. I will be calling your parents...err…guardians." Mike and I left, him wrapping his arm around Jess and flipping me off before rubbing his jaw. It was already forming a nasty fucking bruise. I started making my way to the Volvo, remembering now that Alice and Jazz were waiting for me. Alice was probably having a heart attack. I pulled out my phone to check my messages.

_10 Messages from Alice_

Shit, I didn't even bother reading them. I deleted them all, she would know soon enough. Angela came running up beside me.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I saw you guys when I was walking to my car. When I saw Mike punch you, I ran to get a teacher. I'm sorry, I was really afraid he was going to hurt you. I told Mr. Wagner that you were just defending yourself. I didn't mean to get you in trouble." Angela was wringing her hands.

"It's ok Angela; I know you were just trying to help. I should have just walked away. It's not your fault." I smiled weakly, and continued to the car. Alice was pacing, and Jazz was sitting on the back bumper. Alice spotted me first and ran over to me, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Where the hell were you? Rose told me you read the damn text message. You went after Jessica didn't you! What the hell were you thinking? Why couldn't you just let us take care of it?"

"Can we just talk about this on the way home, please?"

"Fine." We all got into the car. The ride was uncomfortable; Alice stared at me until I finally gave in.

"I got suspended."

"You WHAT? What the hell did you do?"

"I went to talk to Jessica ok? I wanted to tell her to back off. She fucking started saying all these things about Bella, and then Mike showed up. I guess he was still pissed about the confrontation a few weeks ago. Anyways, he punched me and I punched back. We got busted and we both got suspended."

"Did you at least get in a good punch?" Jasper asked from the back seat. Alice shot him a look that was clearly a warning. "Oh, I mean… What the fuck, dude."

"You should have waited, Edward." We pulled into the driveway, and Uncle Carlisle pulled in behind me. Damn that was fast. Alice patted me and instructed, "We'll talk later."

Carlisle motioned for me to follow him. We walked in silence to the study, Esme was already there waiting. I sat next to her on the couch and she reached for my hand. Fuck, that made me feel like shit.

"You were suspended for fighting. Can you explain to me what happened?" Carlisle asked.

"They were saying things….nasty things…about Bella." Carlisle sighed and Esme squeezed my hand.

"Mr. Wagner explained that you did not start the fight, however you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation. I know you're upset about what happened between you and Bella, but you shouldn't allow that to cloud your judgment. "

"Yes sir."He was right, I should have just fucking walked away and not given them the time of day. I just felt like I had to protect Bella from them, from their nastiness.

"You're grounded until you go back to school on Monday."

"Yes sir."Not that it would matter, if I really wanted to go somewhere. That's the thing about big houses, lots of ways to get out and none of them involving the front door.

"You risked your future today, Edward. What do you think would have happened if the police had been contacted? You think Chief Swan would ever consider letting you date Bella if he had to arrest you again? You have to prove to him that you are worthy of her, and letting Michael Newton provoke you is not the way to do it."

"I know. I'm sorry." Carlisle came over and patted me on the shoulder.

"I trust you'll make better decisions in the future." I nodded. Esme squeezed my hand again.

"Is there anything you want to talk about honey? You know we're here for you." I shook my head. This was an Alice conversation. "Alright. Just remember that we love you." She released my hand and I walked to my room. Alice was sitting cross-legged on my bed.

"You should have waited Edward. I knew you would react that way; that you would jump to the worst possible thing. That's why I didn't send it to you." She raked her fingers through her hair. "Rose and I caught up to Lauren after school. You know how terrified of Rose she is. She said it was just going to be an innocent birthday party. That Jess and her mom just wanted to get in on Charlie's good side in the hopes he would ask her mom out."

"You should have fucking heard the things her and Mike said. It wasn't just a fucking innocent party."

"And you should know that Jess is a lying bitch, and she just said those things to provoke you. Which worked! How could you not think this through?"

"Because I was fucking scared, ok?" I yelled. "Scared that if Jessica did anything, I would never get Bella."

"You think Bella would listen to her? She sees Jess for what she really is."

"How do I know? I thought Bella wanted me and look how wrong I was. She won't talk to me, she won't even fucking look at me! I don't know what to think anymore. Once again, I'm fucking pining for a girl who doesn't want me. Story of my fucking life!" Alice was stunned. I was screaming. Shit, I was losing control. I was about to start screaming again, and Alice jumped up and grabbed hold of my shoulders.

"Damnit Edward, she does want you. She does, you just have to trust me. She had something…horrible…happen to her. She needs time."

"Time, time, time. That's all I keep fucking hearing." I removed Alice's hands from my shoulders.

"I thought you said you'd wait for her?"

"I will, if only I knew why I was fucking waiting! You and Bella can't keep me dangling on a fucking string!" Alice took a step back. She looked as if I slapped her, her eyes watered.

"Edward, I…"

"Alice, just fucking leave, ok? I don't want to hear anymore about your fucking plans." She started crying as she walked out and slammed the door behind her. I locked the door and laid down on my bed and covered my face with a pillow.

"FUCK…fuck, fuck, fuck!" I screamed into the pillow. I've  _never_ talked to my sister like that.  _ **Ever**_. I made her cry, if it was someone else I'd have kicked their ass two ways to Sunday. But it wasn't, it was me. No wonder no one wanted me. Bella was better off without me.

There were several different knocks on my door, but I never responded. I skipped dinner and I ignored all my calls. I was pretty sure they were Jazz, waiting to cuss me out for yelling at Alice. I fell asleep dreaming that I was I reaching out for Bella, but my arms always came back empty. She was gone.

I slept in the next day. I had no desire to get out of bed since I was stuck at home. I felt sick. All I wanted was Bella and I was fucking it up further by fighting and screaming at Alice, the one person who could help me.

I looked at the clock. Alice was probably in English…with Bella. I was hoping she had her phone on her.

_Alice, Im sry. Plz forgive u sis._

I waited, watching the clock change. Come on Alice, please. Then I heard the ding-dong of my text alert.

_All is forgiven. Ur my bro. luv u 2. I know u didn't mean it._

_Thank You._

_Check ur email._ Check my email?

_Y?_

_Just do it, you'll see._

I got up and went to my laptop. There was an email from Alice waiting.

_Edward,_

_I wish you had given me the chance to explain. Bella needs time. She finally opened up to me today. I only got half the story, but I let curiosity get the better of me, and I found this._

Arizona Republic Newspaper

**November 16, 2007**

**Verde Park Tragedy Leaves Teen Dead**

_By Kerrissa Underhill_

_Late last evening Verde Park, in the upper west side, was the scene of a brutal slaying. A local teenager, Jacob Black and his girlfriend, Bella Swan, were visiting the park when they were approached by an unidentified assailant. According to police reports, the assailant approached the couple with a knife and demanded Mr. Black exit the vehicle. The assailant then confiscated Mr. Black's wallet and demanded Ms. Swan's as well. When the couple was unable to produce one the subject then threatened Ms. Swan with bodily harm and sexual assault. Mr. Black, acting in defense of Ms. Swan, attempted to subdue the attacker. A fight ensued and the assailant was rendered unconscious but not before he had inflicted a fatal stab wound to Mr. Black's chest. Ms. Swan called 911 when Mr. Black exited the vehicle; however, she was disconnected three times before an operator dispatched police to the scene. When the police arrived they found the assailant unconscious and Mr. Black bleeding profusely cradled in Ms. Swan's arms. Ambulance drivers took Mr. Black to Phoenix Memorial Hospital where he was pronounced dead on arrival. No new leads have come about on the identity of the assailant._

I was frozen. I read it four times before it sunk in.  _His girlfriend…dead on arrival._ Those words jumped out at me. Her boyfriend had been murdered… in front of her.

This was it; this was what was keeping her from me. I fumbled with my phone to call Alice, checking the time again; making sure it was lunch period. She must have been expecting me, she answered on the first ring.

"Did you read it?"

"Yes. Where's Bella?" After reading the article, I had the urge to make sure she was ok.

"She's at the table with the others. I convinced her to sit with us again."

"What do I do?" How do I make this better for her, I'll do anything….anything.

"You wait."Ugh, that's the hardest one to do.

"I'll be there for her, whatever she needs Alice, I'll do it." It was breaking my heart that my Bella had to suffer through that.

"Oh shit, Em is making a jackass out of himself again. Wait…Damnit…hold on." There were muffled sounds in the background.  _Bella, honey, are you ok_? I heard Alice say.

"Alice, what's wrong?" No answer. "Alice!" I was standing now on full alert.

"Edward, get here,  _now_."

"Alice, I'm suspended; I can't set foot on school grounds!"

"It's Bella." That was all she needed to say. I shut my phone, put on the same jeans I wore yesterday and the first shirt I could find and raced out the door. I didn't fucking care about being grounded or suspended, or speed limits as a matter of fact. Bella needed me; I was going to be there.


	15. Chapter 15

**BELLA**

I left school after confiding in Alice. I knew I was pushing the rules Charlie had set, but I was hoping he would understand. I was a frickin' snotty mess and there was no way I was risking seeing Edward. Not only would he be repulsed by my red bloodshot eyes, oozing nose and general ragged appearance but it would just make the whole episode start all over again. I couldn't bear to see his face right now and not be close to it.

The tears had dried up by the time I was halfway home. I felt an eerie calm; I had never allowed myself to talk about my Jacob since my last birthday. I've told the basic details of the "incident" in a detached way, when I had to, but I never actually shared the memories of us. No one had been willing to listen to anything but the drama. It really was….relaxing to let go a little and share some of this grief I've been keeping bottled up inside.

Alice listened; she held my hand and understood. Not even Renee had done that. I mean, she did that first night, and again after Billy barred me from the funeral, but that was it. Renee thought that the healing process meant sweeping everything under the rug and moving on.  _If you act like a normal teenage girl, before you know it you'll be one_ was her philosophy.

When I got home I automatically started to go up the steps to my room, but stopped. No, I needed to think and I couldn't think clearly with my hands wrapped around the necklace.

The minor relief I felt from talking to Alice ended when I realized that I had shared my soul with the wrong person. Edward. It should have been him. Not that I wasn't thankful for Alice, but it should have been Edward holding my hand, comforting me. That was what I really wanted.

Emmett was right, Edward deserved to know. A crazy vision entered my brain; me standing on his door step saying " _Hi, Edward, yeah… I can't be with you, even though I'm dying to, because I still love my dead boyfriend."_ A half chuckle, half sob escaped from my lips. Perfect, now I was losing my mind.

I sat on the stairs with my head against the wall, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to fix this mess I've made. I knew Alice would tell him every detail of our talk today, I didn't tell her not to, but relying on just that felt like a cop-out. I stayed there until it started to turn dark outside and my butt fell asleep, trying to channel Alice and work out a plan. I failed miserably.

I got up to start dinner; my past few days of depression had left Charlie to his own devices for meals. I felt I owed it to him, plus cooking always made me feel better. As I reached into the cabinets, something shiny caught my eye on the countertop. It was my still unused cell phone. My birthday present.

Damnit, my birthday. It was in two days. No matter how much release I got from my little lunch time tirade, I was not ready for  _that_  day. No amount of heart to hearts, hand holding and shoulders to cry on could make me  _not_  dread that day. One year, I couldn't believe it had been a whole year. Sometimes it felt like it happened yesterday, other days it felt like it happened a million years ago. It's not like I even had normal human grieving rights. I couldn't visit his grave like a grieving loved one normally would on the anniversary of his death; even if I was still in Phoenix. Billy had him buried on the reservation with the explicit instructions I was never to be allowed there. And I'm sure he would have someone on the lookout for me around this time. I had no release for this build-up of emotions.

Now Jessica was attempting to throw me a party. I was pretty sure I could get out of it fairly easily. Rose and Alice loathed her like an infected pubic hair, for some other reason besides the fact that she's just a plain annoying bitch. Charlie seemed oddly uncomfortable whenever she was mentioned too. It didn't matter, there was no way I was going, I wasn't even going to leave the house. I think that was the one day that I could be allowed to wallow in guilt and self disgust.

I continued with dinner, surprised that Charlie hadn't rushed home. Either the school hadn't contacted him about me ditching again, or he got hung up at work. Just as I was pulling the casserole out of the oven, Charlie pulled into the driveway, followed by a familiar red Jeep. I smiled at the sight of Emmett, it was hard not to; he was like a 6'4", 250 lbs muscle bound toddler, with a mind that was constantly in the gutter. You just want to grab him up and smooch his face.

He had been over helping with the truck since Monday. We never got the chance to talk though, Charlie was always within an earshot and there wasn't much we could talk about that wouldn't give away too much information.

He was always rather formal in front of Charlie. He never called me Jelly Belly, which I seriously missed. Especially today. He ate a quiet dinner with us, a quarter of the amount I'd seen him pile away at lunch on a daily basis, and then went outside to work on the truck. After I cleaned the kitchen, I was on my way upstairs, lost in my own thoughts. Not thinking about where I was going, I ran right into Emmett and fell backward. He reached out and caught me just before my ass hit the floor.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry." He said as he righted me. "Save number two for the E-man. Only this time you didn't hit the floor first."

"Yeah, what would I do without you around, Em. Probably fall to pieces." I snickered; I did that whether he was around or not. I looked around, making sure Charlie wasn't nearby. There was something I wanted to ask. "Edward…is he…how is he?" Emmett sighed and gave a weak smile.

"I haven't really seen him the past few days; only at lunch. He's just…waiting for you." He's waiting for me. That made my heart flutter and my stomach tighten. Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. So many people at school were intimidated by him, mostly because of his size, but he was just a big teddy bear. "Oh, I'm supposed to give you a message. Rose said not to worry about Jessica? Not quite sure what it means, but she said you'd understand." Oh thank god. No party. That was one less thing resting on my shoulders.

"Thank you." I hoped the look on my face conveyed the depth and sincerity of those words.

"No prob. Hey, even if things don't work out….with Edward…you're still my Jelly Belly, ok?" I nodded, and gave in to the impulse to hug him. He was shocked at first, but returned the hug. I pulled away before my tears got on his shirt. Alice was right; friends are just what I need.

"Hey Emmett, did you get lost or something?" we heard Charlie call.

"Be right out!" Emmett yelled. "See you later." He said as he gave me a little chuck on the shoulder and went towards the door. I waved and went to my room. I felt emotionally exhausted. I lay on the bed and pulled out the locket. Before I knew it, the alarm was screaming and I was one day closer to my birthday.

* * *

"Hi Bells." Alice said timidly as I sat down in English.

"Hi Alice." I said, confused by this very anti-Alice behavior. I thought she would be happy I finally shared with her. It hit me that I never bothered to call her like I promised. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't call, I just…couldn't talk about it."

"It's ok, I understand." Of course she did, she's Alice. I noticed she was playing with her hair. She was nervous about something. The gesture reminded me of Edward…"Bells; um…I hope you know that I would never do anything to upset you, but…" She took a deep breath and continued, "last night, I couldn't get what you said off my mind, and I sorta…googled you ….and found an article about Jacob's death." I felt my chest constrict and I think I visibly cringed. "Please don't be mad, I just wanted to know, so I could be there for you. I know it's hard for you to talk about. I thought this would just make it easier." She bit her lip, anxiously waiting my response. I couldn't be mad at her. She only did it to help, and at this point I'd let her do anything to help.

"It's fine, really." I smiled my best "Happy Bella" smile, she seemed to calm down. I missed the real smiles.

"So, Jessica isn't going to be throwing you a birthday party. Rose and I stopped Lauren yesterday. Rose made sure she passed along the message to Jess. Rose has some of the best powers of persuasion I have ever seen." She gave me a you-wouldn't-fucking-believe-it look and I definitely believed her. "I figured you wouldn't want to celebrate ….that day" She trailed off.

"Thanks, Emmett told me last night." She shrugged it off like it was nothing. Really, you have no idea how forever indebted to you and Rose I will be for this.

"Will you sit with us again? At lunch? We all miss you. Em has no one to embarrass and Jasper has some new bands he's been eager to tell you about."

"I would…but…ah, I don't know…" I didn't know if I was ready to face him yet. His sad smile was still fresh in my memory.

"Oh, he…um… Edward won't be sitting with us today." That's odd. They wouldn't boot him for me would they? Alice read the confusion on my face. "It's a long story." One I very badly wanted to know.

Mr. Berty arrived then and started class. It was boring, and my mind wandered. I wondered why Edward wasn't going to be at lunch. I wondered how much Alice had told Edward about Jacob's death, or if she even told him anything at all. Alice is, above anything else, loyal, and if she thought I didn't want her to tell, her lips would be fused. I found myself wishing she told him everything. It would make things so much easier. Damn, I am such a coward.

The teacher droned on and I saw Alice pull her cell out of her bag. She expertly hid the phone from Mr. Berty while texting. I was new to this cell phone mess, in fact I hadn't even used mine yet. I could not figure out how she was doing it without looking at it. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. I had a feeling it was Edward.

The bell rang and Alice linked her arm through mine, probably to make sure I wouldn't run away. We met Jasper in the hall, and she released me. Backup?

"Are you coming back to us Bells?" Jasper asked, hopeful.

"Yes." I responded timidly. He clapped his hands like Alice does sometimes when she gets excited. I don't know how he got away with doing so many Alice impressions. She never seemed to mind; he was actually really good at it. I'm sure he spent a lot of time studying her every move, you could see it in his eyes; he adored her.

"Cool. My favorite girls, together again." He wrapped one arm around me and the other around Alice. She shimmied out from under it and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I have something to do, I'll meet you there." Jasper planted a kiss on the top of her head, and led me to the table. When Emmett saw me he jumped up, grabbed me around the waist and swung me around, no longer confined by Charlie's presence.

"You're back!" For a brief instant I fell back into Happy Bella. These people, these  _friends,_ almost made me forget everything, without even trying. They were just being….them. But when Emmett sat me down, the empty chair across from me smacked me into reality.

I listened to Emmett crack dirty jokes, while Jasper pulled out a copy of  _Blender_  to show me some new bands. As long as I ignored the fact that Edward wasn't there, and the fact that the day after tomorrow was my birthday, I felt reasonably happy and sane.

Alice still hadn't shown up; lunch was almost over. Emmett suddenly got jumpy, tapping his fingers on the table. He cleared his throat loudly, shot to his feet and climbed up on top of the table.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, happy anniversary!" He shouted. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to look. "This one is for you!"He pointed at Rosalie, Elvis style, and started singing the chorus to Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing".

_Don't want to close my eyes  
I don't want to fall asleep  
Cause I'd miss you baby  
And I don't want to miss a thing  
Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you baby  
And I don't want to miss a thing_

Edward had been right, his singing was painful. Rose's face lit up like a Christmas tree in spite of it. I was enjoying the spectacle, until he jumped down and got down on one knee. He reached in to his bag and pulled out a small jewelry box. I tensed.

He opened the box and it contained a diamond heart necklace. My whole body went numb as he took it out and put it around Rose's neck.

"I love you, my angel."

"I love you my monkey man." He pulled her close for a kiss.

_I love you my Bell_

_I love you my Jake_

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. The memory flooded over me and played in my head like a movie, Jacob pulling out the locket, clasping it around my neck. Kissing me.

All the sounds around me became muffled; like I was underwater. I was vaguely aware that someone was talking, but I couldn't pinpoint who it was, probably Alice.

 _No, Jacob, NO!_ The memories flooded over me.

I started to go cold as I relived that night. My brain screamed,  _no, you still have another day. It's not time yet._  But I couldn't stop it. I went through every single detail. Why was this happening? I can't even see my friends be happy and in love? The sight of a necklace was forever going to send me into this state? It had happened once before, when my stepfather gave my mom a necklace for Christmas, but that was right after the murder. So long ago.

I heard the faraway voices again, they were more urgent this time. There was a hand on my shoulder, shaking me. I wanted to answer them, but I couldn't. I couldn't find my voice. I had no idea how much time had passed, I struggled against my own brain to get out, to stop this. It was like I was a prisoner in my own head and nobody had the key. Then I heard singing.

**EDWARD**

I broke every traffic law trying to get to my Bella. I cut people off and almost wrapped the Volvo around a fucking tree in the process, but I made it. I sped through the parking lot, catching a glimpse of Jasper standing outside the side door of the cafeteria. I was terrified of what I might find. I was imagining all sorts of shit that Jessica could have done. Or maybe her clumsiness had gotten the best of her. I had to block out images of Bella crumpled and bloody at the bottom of a flight of stairs. I jumped out of the car without even bothering to park it in a spot. I ran to Jazz and he opened the door.

"What the fuck is going on? Where's Bella?" I asked the panic clear in my voice.

Jasper pointed, "I don't know, Edward...Bella…she just, like...shut down." I could see my family huddled around something I could only assume to be Bella. Emmett was sitting next to her holding her hand. It looked like his eyes were tearing up. Alice was on the other side of her calling her name. The lunchroom was empty except for them. I was running and when I skidded to a stop at Bella's feet, I lost my balance and fell. I quickly scrambled to my knees, pushing Alice away so I could see her face.

She looked…dead. Her body was rigid, her eyes were empty and she was barely breathing. I reached out and gingerly touched her hand, waiting for the normal spark I always got whenever I touched her. There was nothing. I don't think I've ever been more terrified in my life. It was like she wasn't there anymore, her body was sitting there but she, Bella, was gone.

"Bella?" I whispered softly. Nothing. I wanted to know what the hell happened. I cursed fucking Mike Newton and his big fucking mouth. He was the reason I wasn't here in the first place. Maybe I could have prevented this. Maybe I would at least know what to do to help. My throat closed and I turned to Alice with questioning eyes.

"I don't know what happened, Edward. She was fine when she left for lunch. Emmett said he even got her to smile, then she…she…just broke." She broke. I didn't know what to do, how was I supposed to fix her?

"What the hell am I supposed to do? I was the one that  _caused_  her to break the last time." As much as I wanted to be by her side, to get her through this, the voice in the back of my head reminded me that I was probably only going to make it worse.

"I don't know!" Alice cried again, clearly being out of control was weighing on her too. "When I saw her like this, I knew she needed help. You were the first person I thought of. I panicked." I tried gently shaking her again, but there was no change. Emmett and Rose were standing above me, holding on to each other.

"What happened?" I asked them, hoping they could give better insight.

"We were sitting, joking around. She seemed at ease…you know…for her. I got up to do my song for Rosy, like ever y year and she was smiling. I gave Rosy her necklace and when I turned around, Bella was like this." Alice gasped; I could practically feel her brain click.

"A necklace? Fuck!" My jaw dropped at the sound of Alice using the f word with such force. She turned to me, "I'll explain later, just help her!" I looked at Bella, completely lost. I doubted I could pull her out of this, but I had to try.

I stroked her hand, touched her face, and even ran my fingers threw her hair, all while gently calling her name. No change. I wiped away a tear that escaped from the corner of her unmoving eyes. It reminded me of that day in the music room. That was when inspiration hit me. I remembered the look on her face when I sang to her. The look that prompted me to kiss her. I wanted that expression; the one that had been so full of longing and happiness it made me ache. I leaned close to her ear, so close my lips were just barely touching her.

_I heard there was a secret chord  
that David played and it pleased the lord  
but you don't really care for music, do ya  
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth  
the minor fall and the major lift  
the baffled king composing hallelujah_

With each verse I sang, her body relaxed.

_baby i've been here before  
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor  
i used to live alone before i knew you  
i've seen your flag on the marble arch  
but love is not a victory march  
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

When I finished, I touched her face and the spark was back. She didn't have the expression I was hoping for, but it was a million times better than previous one. I let out a huge sigh of relief and continued

"Edward?" She breathed. The life returned to her eyes, still in pain, but alive. I wanted to kiss her out of sheer joy that she had returned, but I didn't want to throw her back into whatever hell she just escaped from. "Edward." She said again turning slightly to face me. "Thank you." She hesitantly reached out and touched my face. Her fingertips grazed my cheek and it felt like I was on fire. I could feel the world slipping away, the moment I craved, but I pulled back. This was not the time for that. She understood, or maybe she just followed my lead. She dropped her hand, and let her eyes flutter over the others.

"I'm sorry everyone." She blushed and looked at the floor; embarrassed that she had caused such a scene. Everyone spoke at once, assuring her that it was alright, they were just glad she was ok. She tried to stand, but wobbled. I caught her, setting her back in the chair.

"You can't go back to class like this." I told her, not wanting to let her go, not wanting to risk her breaking again.

"I have to, I can't ditch again. Charlie…" she trailed off.

"Leave with me." The words flew out of my mouth before I even realized I formed them. I could see the protest coming. "Leave with me, you don't need to be here we'll work it out." I sent a silent  _help me_  to Alice. She picked up on it immediately.

"He's right, you should go. Sitting in a classroom is the last thing you need right now."

"But..." damn her and her stubbornness.

"Don't worry, Jasper and I will take care of it." I could see the plan in Alice's head; her sweet talking the teachers, Jasper using his highly refined forgery skills to forge a nurse's note.

"If you're going to leave, you better do it now, class is letting out." Jasper said from the window where he had been keeping watch. She still looked unsure.

"Please Bella." I begged, my voice cracking slightly. She nodded her head, and I picked her up. I could tell she was in no shape for walking. She resisted at first, but I held her tighter and she gave in, wrapping her arms around me and nestling her head into my neck. The others followed behind, closely forming a semicircle, in the hopes to hide us. If I was caught here, with her, there would be no escaping a further suspension, expulsion or worse, an arrest.

We made our way to the Volvo, me thanking God that not many people had classes on this side of the cafeteria at this time of day.

I had just put her in the car when I heard a familiar shriek and my heart dropped to my fucking feet.

"What the fuck is  _he_  doing here?" I spun around to see Jessica and Lauren marching to the car. Bitch on a mission. I took a protective stance in front of Bella, and looked to Rose and Alice for help. "Oh, this is just too fucking good." She laughed. "I hope you enjoyed your little visit Eddie, cuz when Mr. Wagner hears about this, you'll never be allowed near here again." She turned towards the main building, and Rose, my fucking savoir in disguise, lunged forward and grabbed a chunk of Jessica's frizzy hair. She pulled back, hard; Jessica winced and bent backward against Rose's shoulder.

"Listen to me skank, you mention one fucking word of this, to  _anyone,_ and I will personally march my happy ass down to your mom's bank and loudly tell her about the trip you made with Mike to the Port Angeles' Planned Parenthood." Jessica froze, and Lauren looked like her head was about to explode. "Didn't think I knew about it, huh? I will also make damn sure that everyone in this school knows about a certain Ceftriaxone prescription that you and Mike needed to have filled not so long ago. I wonder what that was for? I guess the audience wasn't the only thing "clapping" at the last assembly. Be gone, bitch, before I drop a house on you too." She pushed Jessica forward, so that she crashed into Lauren. They both righted themselves, and took off in a sprint. Emmett's face was priceless.

"Oh baby…that was so…so fucking HOT!" He pushed himself closer to Rosalie and bent down to look her in the eyes. He was practically drooling. "Can  _I_  be your bitch?"

"Later." She promised with a crooked grin. Then she turned to me, "Go…now!" I didn't know how to thank her, so I ran around the car and jumped in.

"What was that about?" Bella asked as I slammed the car into drive and took off.

"I'll tell you later, or maybe Alice will." I wasn't sure if she should hear it from my side, hearing about my fucking possessiveness from my point of view might scare her. I drove, not knowing where I was going. I just wanted to get her out of there. Away from fucking fungified Jessica and the memory of the place her mind went when she was so far away from me in the cafeteria. I must have subconsciously had a destination in mind because I soon began to recognize the scenery.

"Where are we going?" Her voice was still a little strained.

"A place I go sometimes when I need to think."

"I thought you did your thinking in your music room." I smiled at that comment; she was remembering a conversation we had during Biology, before everything fell apart.

"This is where I go when the music room doesn't do the trick." We drove the rest of the way in silence. I pulled onto a hidden dirt road. I stayed on it until it came to a dead end. I got out and opened her door for her. "Can you walk?" I asked as I offered my hand to her. I would have reached in and carried her a thousand miles if she wanted me to. She nodded. She grabbed my hand to help her out of the car but dropped it as soon as she was stable enough to stand on her own. She followed me in silence past a cluster of trees into a quiet meadow. I used to come here all the time after Tanya, it was the escape I needed when even the music I love couldn't help me. I hoped it would have the same calming effect on her. I plopped myself on one of the half-buried boulders that were scattered in clusters all around the meadow. I found myself wishing I had grabbed something for her to sit on. She remained standing for a minute, unsure what to do. I wished I could read her like I could Alice, but I took a wild guess and assumed she was uncomfortable about being alone with me. It hadn't turned out so great the last time. I was about to get up and suggest we leave but she lowered herself onto a semi-dry log, sitting about a foot away from me. Near but far. I wished she was facing me. She cast her eyes towards the meadow, taking it all in.

Bella's tense shoulders eventually started to drop, and I relaxed with her. A thousand questions raced through my mind, and even though I knew I should just let her enjoy the calm; I had to get everything off my chest.

"I know…about…your boyfriend." I said slowly, stumbling over the word boyfriend. She didn't tense, but I did see new tears forming around her eyes. "Alice showed me the article. I'm sorry." I waited for a reaction, but none came. She continued to stare out into the meadow. This was a do-or-fucking-die situation. If I didn't tell her everything now, I would probably never get the chance again.

I took a deep breath, steadied my nerves and dove in. "I want you, Bella. You are all I fucking think about, all I dream about. That night in the truck, I wanted it to last forever." God, I was sounding like such a fucking pussy, but I went on. "Whenever I touch you, it's like nothing I've ever fucking experienced before. I can't get enough of you, and the kiss…the kiss was…I don't even know how to explain it… I want to  _be with you_." I poured my heart out to her. She was looking at me now, tears dripping off her chin onto to her jeans. The sight of her in pain again, almost stopped me, but I had to go on, she had to know. "I don't know if you feel the same way… I was mad at first, not knowing why you kept pulling away, but I think I understand now. It's because of your…because of him. I get it. That's what today was about, right?" She nodded slowly. "I thought so." I sighed, waiting to gather the words for what I wanted to say. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll go away and never bother you again. I'll be your shoulder to cry on. I'll be your lover, your boyfriend, your best friend. Whatever I can get, Bella. I need to be in your life, and more than anything I want you in mine. I'll wait for you, if you don't know what you want yet. You just need to say the words, and I'll do it." She said nothing. I didn't know if she was thinking about what I said, or finding a way to let me down easily.

I felt my cell start to buzz in my pocket. I was going to let it go, but the buzzing didn't stop. I grabbed the phone and gave a rough "What?" when I answered it. It was Alice.

"You need to get her back; Charlie's here, looking for her."

"What, why?" My mind went to Jessica. That fucking bitch needs to have her clock cleaned. I would never hit a girl but Rosalie would. In fact, I think she'd enjoy it.

"I was wrapped up in making sure Jess kept her mouth shut and convincing the other teachers that Bella was sick, I forgot to talk to Mr. Banner. I think he called because she missed class yesterday too. Emmett and Rose are holding him off, but you better hurry." I slammed the phone shut and jumped to my feet.

"Shit, your father's at the school. We have to go." Her eyes went wide in shock and she shot up to her feet like a fucking rocket and took off for the car. I was close behind, catching her at least twice when she stumbled. I floored the car, going just as fast as I could without killing us. I knew Charlie would probably be parked at the main entrance, so I took a back road that led to the football field. There was a strip of grass that people tailgated on during the games, and I flew through it knowing it was going to fuck up my car, but not caring. Emmett would take care of it anyways. Once again, I was thankful Alice and I were so fucking close, because she was waiting in the lot, exactly where I planned on stopping. Bella's seatbelt was unfastened and she had jumped out of the car before I even came to a full stop. Alice grabbed her and took off around the corner.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I followed. I stayed out of sight, but I could see Jasper hand Bella a piece of paper just as Emmett guided Charlie to her, looking nonchalant as fucking hell. I was momentarily unnerved at how good of a liar he was. Charlie looked fucking suspicious, but Alice started talking, working her pixie magic on him. He relaxed and Bella gave him the paper, Jasper's handiwork no doubt. She looked a bit like a deer in headlights but she was keeping herself intact. He made a gesture like he was thanking Alice, damn my sister was good, and gave Emmett a quick chuck on the shoulder. He put his arm around Bella, leading her away.

I stood there, watching her walk away from me, wishing that Charlie didn't hate me so much and that I could leave with her. I felt a twinge of jealousy as I remembered the way Emmett and Charlie were walking around like chums. I wondered if someday he would think of me as…..ehhh, let's get through today before we try parting the red sea. I adjusted my position so I could watch her get into the cruiser. She was taking my fucking heart with her and I desperately hoped that when I saw her again, she would give me hers.


	16. Chapter 16

**BELLA**

"I'll have an officer drive your truck home later." Charlie said absently on the way home.

"Uh huh." Was the only response I could manage; my mind was racing.

"Do you still feel sick? You look a little pale."

"Uh…yeah." I was nearly rendered a mute by the events that had transpired only minutes ago.

"You have great friends Bella, they care about you. You shouldn't keep avoiding them." I wasn't avoiding  _them_  Dad, I was avoiding  _him,_ andfor the life of me I couldn't remember why. He pulled me out when no one else could. Why the hell wasn't I with him right this second? I could feel him watching me when I walked away with Charlie. It was all I could do to keep from meeting his eyes then running to them.

We got home and I walked up the stairs in a daze, telling Charlie I needed to rest. I was still feeling the pain from my breakdown during lunch, but the memory of his voice singing in my ear was keeping it at bay. How did he do that? This was obviously so much more than an attraction, more than a want, this was a  _need_.

I recalled the words he said to me today,  _I need to be in your life._ He laid everything out, said the words that I had been wishing for… and dreading. How could he want me so completely? I had done nothing but give him false hope and push him away.

He knew, and he still wanted me. He saw that I was damaged goods, but he didn't care. He was willing to wait for me. How long could I make him wait though? Days, months, years? I had no idea how long this would take.

When I lay down in bed, I once again felt the locket through my pillowcase. It instantly overthrew any remaining peace I felt from Edward's voice. I suddenly remembered all the reasons for me avoiding him. Goddamnit, this stupid locket was ruining my life.

If I could just make it a few more days, until the pain of this anniversary subsided, maybe I could be some shade of normal. I instinctively reached for the locket, but feeling it in my hand didn't fill the emptiness. It wasn't just about Jacob anymore, this guilt I had gnawing at me, it was about Edward too. It would be cruel to make him wait; I was already being cruel by not explaining everything to him. He just wanted to be there for me.

I  _did_  need him to be in my life, he was the only person to give me even the slightest hope, but as what? A friend or more? What I wanted was to love him, to be his, though I didn't think that was entirely possible. My heart wasn't mine to give. It belonged to the guilt and memory of Jacob.

I had been too quiet for too long, I heard Charlie's footsteps by my door.

"Bells?" he whispered as he opened the door. "How ya feeling?" he came and sat on my bed, like he's done so many times since I got here.

"Better, I guess." Just keep it simple.

"So, I've been thinking. If you would like to take a break for the next few days…it would be alright with me…as long as your schoolwork doesn't suffer." Charlie was smarter than most people gave him credit for. Even though he accepted Alice's excuse of me getting sick during lunch, I think he knew it was more than that.

"Thanks Dad." He nodded, and then his face turned serious. He put his hand on my head and started smoothing my hair.

"Bells, I also think that…after your birthday, you need to speak to someone…a professional. I'm trying to be patient, but I know you've been skipping classes and I hear you crying at night. I'm willing to let you grieve these next few days, but after that, it's got to stop. You were so happy with Alice and Rose, and then…well, this." His words made me oddly defensive.

"I'm not giving up Jacob." I said coldly.

"I'm not asking you to give him up; I'm just asking you to live. You can still love him and love…others. I know you and Emmett are closer than you admit in front of me. I can see that he worries about you. The girls call to check on you." They call to check on me? I didn't know that… "Do they know…about Jacob?"

"Alice does, I don't know if she told them." At least I didn't know if she told Emmett and Rosalie. I know who she did tell though, but you wouldn't want to hear that.

"It doesn't seem fair that Alice has to be the one to tell them. They seem like they just want to help… and you should let them." I felt a strange sense of déjà vu, hearing him say that. I briefly wondered if this was another plan of Alice's. I  _had_  felt better after telling her, and when Edward pulled me out of my trance, I felt a short lived moment of overwhelming happiness. It lasted only a second, but it was there.

As Charlie sat there stroking my hair, I realized there was a connection between me and Edward, something that I had never experienced before. I thought the electricity was just because I was attracted to him, or because it had been so long since I had some decent affection, but it was more, much, much more.

Charlie didn't stay long after that, I'm sure he was eager to be done with the touchy feely stuff. He was right though, I did need help. I needed to move on, but I had to make it through my birthday first.

I spent the rest of my night in bed, wondering exactly how I was going to move on. After today, after what he told me, there was no question in my mind that it was going to be with Edward, I just wasn't sure of the mechanics of it. I was going to have to learn to control my guilt; I couldn't be running from the room every time we kissed. There had to be a way.

When I woke up the next morning, Charlie was already gone. He left me a note saying that he would be home early, to finish my homework, and that Alice called this morning. I went about my day feeling twitchy, like when you know a bad storm is coming. Tomorrow was the day, if I could make it through it in one piece, then I would have hope for me and Edward. He wanted me, even after I hurt him. And my heart really wanted him but my mind just wouldn't let go of the pain…if I could get my heart and my mind to co-exist in harmony I might actually be happy.

I let my mind replay his singing in my ear. It actually made me blush.  _He pulled me out of hell when nothing else could budge me._  I still couldn't quite wrap my mind around that. As much as I wanted to sit all day and dream about Edward and his velvety voice, I soon felt guilt tugging at me. I definitely needed help.

As soon as it started to turn dark out, I fixed Charlie his dinner then went to my room to prepare for the grand emotional fail that was sure to come. I heard his cruiser pull in; he didn't come looking for me, probably already guessed where I would be.

I heard nothing, no TV, no radio. I laid there on my bed, locket in hand, waiting for the guilt and the longing and the heartache that I was expecting. I felt none of those things, only emptiness. The same hole I felt yesterday. Edward. He was what was missing, he was the one I needed to get me through this, and he was the only one that wasn't allowed.

The silence around me was interrupted by the phone ringing downstairs. I could hear Charlie speaking, but I couldn't make out what he said. I had a feeling it might have been Alice or maybe even Rose checking up on me. After a few minutes my dad was knocking on my door.

"Bells, honey?" He asked softly. I didn't respond, if it was Alice, I wasn't ready to talk to her. "That was Emmett on the phone. He found some cheap parts for the truck out in Sequim. He says we need to go tonight because the guy won't hold them long. Are you going to be ok? He said Alice would be happy to check in on you. If you want me to stay….I will." I sighed; he didn't need to be here for this.

"It's ok dad. Go, have fun. Can't miss out on cheap parts."

"Are you sure Bells?" I could hear the hesitation in his voice, questioning whether he should go or not.

"I'll be alright. Just go. I'll call Alice." Some day.

"Well, I won't be gone long..." So much he wanted to say, but so much he wouldn't. Not that I blamed him, I didn't know how I would deal with an emotionally stunted daughter either. He eventually left, the creaky stairs giving him away. It wasn't too long after that I heard the roar of Emmett's huge Jeep.

Silence once again, only this time, I could feel the pain. The old pain of missing Jacob and the new pain of missing Edward. I was sobbing; it felt worse than anything I had dealt with in the past year.

Alice did check on me, but she respected my privacy enough to let me be when I didn't answer the door. She left but called and left a message on the answering machine saying she'd check again later. I was left alone to wallow. I wasn't sure how much time had actually passed, I never bothered to plug my clock back in. It couldn't have been long, Charlie still wasn't home. I heard a soft tapping, and assumed it was Alice.

"Alice, please, I know you are trying to help, but I need to deal with this alone." There was no acknowledgment from behind the door, just the soft tapping again. "Alice, _please_." It wasn't like Alice to be like this. I got up to answer her face to face, maybe the sight of my tears would make her understand. I opened the door to find the hallway empty, but the tapping was still there. I stood there confused, and a little scared, for a few seconds. Then I heard it again.

It was coming from the window. Who the hell would be tapping at my window? I was getting pissed off. I wanted to be left alone. I went to the window, completely ready to push whoever it was off the porch roof.

I stomped over to the window and shoved it open with impatient force. I thrust my head out of the window to look this soon-to-be-unfortunate-gravity-victim in the eye. I searched to find the face of the unwelcome intruder but all I could see was the intense green eyes that I had been secretly wishing for.

"Can I come in?" The velvet voice whispered.

**EDWARD**

I pulled in the garage just minutes before Esme. I hadn't even checked to see if she was home earlier before I raced out the door to help Bella. She must have been out, because she didn't say anything to me when she walked in the door.

I went up to Alice's room. She and Emmett would be home soon and I had to know what the fuck went on after Charlie caught up with them. I made myself comfortable on her couch and sent her a text for everyone to meet me there. I was already missing Bella's presence.

I didn't wait long before they filed into her room. It was rare for us to hang in here, but I figured it would be the most comfortable for Alice, plus I felt closer to Bella in here. She had actually spent time in this room, time that didn't lead to bolting from the house in a flurry of gasps and tears.

"What excuse did you give Charlie?" I asked barely allowing her two footsteps into the room.

"That she got sick during lunch, and I brought her outside for some fresh air and that it seemed to help." Alice and Jazz got themselves settled on the bed, while Rose sat on Em's lap in the huge papasan chair.

"Thanks for today Rose." Suck up the pride and give her some props…she definitely earned it.

"No prob. I've been waiting for that bitch to step out of line again." Rose flipped her hair; I could see Em getting fucking excited again, so I turned my attention back to Alice.

"Well? Are you going to explain about the necklace thing?" Alice wore a pained expression; she really was worried about breaking Bella's trust. "Alice, please, I think after today, you are free to discuss it."

"Her boyfriend, that was…murdered…he gave her a necklace the night it happened, as a birthday present. She feels this immense guilt over it, though I'm not sure why. We haven't gotten that far yet. I had to look up the information on him. She's not very eager to talk about it."

"Her boyfriend was murdered?" Rose asked her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes, apparently, they were mugged and he was killed while defending her." Jazz put his arm around Alice, while Rose curled into Em. I could see the sadness in everyone's eyes. "Bella has only told me a little, the rest I pieced together myself."

The thought of my Bella going through that made me shudder. I thought I would have fucking gotten over the shock of it by now, but no, it still made me cringe to think of what she went through.

"Did she say anything to you, Edward?" Alice's small voice came out from behind Jasper's arms. She was taking this very hard, she knew what was wrong, but she still didn't know how to fix it.  _I_  didn't know how to fucking fix it.

"No, she just…cried. I wish she would have fucking said…something." Anything, to let me know what she was feeling. I laid my head back on the couch arm and stared out the window. There was something there, between us; I pulled her out of that fucking trance when no one else was able to. That had to count for something.

It meant something to me, that all I had to do was sing to her and she came back to life. Did that prove to her the connection we had? That the electricity was on both sides, and that I just wasn't fucking imagining it? I told her I would wait, but I needed to see her. I felt like a part of me was missing.

I remained quite while the other digested this new information about my Bella. I could hear Rose muttering how torn up she would be if she lost Em. They were finally seeing what Alice saw, what Alice had warned me about. I couldn't deal with the sympathy anymore, it was too much. Right now, I needed to think about that second of happiness, the moment we fell into when she met my eyes. The fire of her fingertips on my cheek.

I got up and left. No one questioned me; they all knew where I was going. The music room. I played for hours, any song that slightly reminded me of her. I played what I considered our song; I played every sappy fucking love song I could think of. By the time I was finished, my voice was raspy and it was three am.

_I want you, Bella…I need to be in your life_

The words from the meadow echoed in my head. I opened my fucking soul to her. I had no fucking clue what she was going to do. I was living through the hope that she was going to eventually welcome me with open arms, because, even though I promised her I would leave her alone if she wished, I didn't know how I was going to do it. She was like a fucking drug to me, and I wasn't sure I wanted to give it up.

Esme woke me up around noon. She had the concerned look on her face that she wore the day I was suspended. It wasn't unusual for me to sleep in the music room, but it wasn't exactly normal for me to pass out on the floor with guitar still in hand.

"Edward, honey, are you alright? Is this about Bella?" Was I that fucking obvious? "I overheard you kids talking last night…"

"Yes, Aunt Esme, this  _is_  about Bella." No sense in denying it.

"Have you told her how you feel?"

"Yes. She knows."

"Oh. Has she told you how she feels?"

"Nope." If mixed signals were a fruit she'd be a fucking fruit salad.

"Oh. I think …"

"I know…you think I just need to wait, right? I'm trying Aunt Esme, I really am."

"Actually, I was going to say that you need be there for this girl. You need to help her realize it's you she wants. Don't be a jerk about it, but she just needs a little nudge. I think with you holding her hand, she'll be guided to the right place." With that, Esme kissed me on the forehead and left. She didn't bother me for the rest of the day.

How was I going to fucking guide her? It wasn't like I could just walk to her front door and ask to speak to her. That's when it hit me. I texted Alice to come home with the guys right after school. I had a plan in mind and it needed the Alice touch. I practically jumped on them, again, as soon as they walked in the door.

"I need to see Bella… _tonight_." I told Alice, before she had even taken her coat off.

"Um…Edward…have you been doing drugs during your time off?"

"No, but I need to be with Bella tonight. Her birthday is tomorrow, right? And that's when the…incident happened? What if it fucking happens again… she breaks…who's going to be there to fucking pull her out?"

"I dunno, her  _father_?" She seriously started inspecting me to see if I was high.

"I don't think he'll be able to help her." I sounded frantic in my own ears; I could only imagine how I sounded to them.

"Are you listening to yourself? You want to see Bella, tonight. She wasn't even in school today, I called Charlie and he said she needs a few days. She won't be in school tomorrow either." That hit a nerve, Bella needed to be around people, not holed up alone.

"See, she can't even fucking make it through school. She fucking needs someone to be with her." I was freaking out, and I had no idea why. I just felt this tug that something was…off…and Bella needed me. I was shaking; this was clearly one of those times I needed to convey my thoughts to Alice silently.

_Alice, please, she needs me._

Alice could feel it, the twin connection saving the day once again. She could feel my fear, my desperate need to save Bella from whatever she was facing. The others waited patiently, used to the creepy way Alice and I could communicate.

"I'll help you. I'm worried about her too." There was sadness in her voice, but her face light up at the thought of a plan. "If we can pull this off, it will be the plan to end all plans. I don't think we will be able to get her out of the house. We need to get you in."

"How are we going to get  _me_  to  _her_? What about Charlie? I would like to fucking live long enough to help Bella."

"Actually…I think  _I_ can get Charlie out of the house." We all turned to Emmett. "There are some truck parts out in Sequim that I found. I could lie… a little; tell him we need to go out tonight. Since we'll be following the speed limit, the drive there and back alone is three hours." I could have seriously kissed him...you know...if it wasn't totally gay.

"Em, you fucking rock, you ace-holding mother fucker!" I jumped up and swung my arm around his neck giving him a noogie from hell. To Emmett that was the same as a hug.

"Whatever it takes to make my Jelly Belly smile…and for you to be less of a douche."

"Do you think he's just going to leave his daughter though? Especially if she's like she was yesterday?" Leave it to Jazz to be the voice of fucking reason.

"We'll just tell him that I'll check in on her. He's not exactly the type to hover, and he's a little lost when it comes to emotions." The wheels in Alice's head were spinning on overdrive. "So, we'll get Charlie out of the house, I'll run in and check on her, and then you'll have to sneak in. You obviously can't just walk in the front door. We'll wait until its dark and you'll just have to convince her to let you in her window. Her room faces the front, but there's a huge tree so you should be hidden." Alice was getting animated. This was her fucking element.

We huddled together, in Alice's room again, fine tuning the details. We sat quietly with Esme at dinner, though I was sure she could feel the energy in the room. She made it a point to mention that Uncle Carlisle was on call tonight and would be staying at the hospital.

Emmett called Charlie after dinner, giving him the well rehearsed lie. He agreed more easily than I thought, but I wasn't going to question it. I was fucking sure it had to do Alice's promise to look in on Bella. Rose decided to ride along with Em, saying she could probably distract Charlie to give me more time with Bella. I could feel a mounting debt that would need to be repaid to her.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. You may not be  _my_  favorite person, but it makes Em happy to make you happy. Plus, you being with Bella would make Jessica's head explode and I'm eager to see that."

We waited until Rose texted Alice, letting her know that they were out of city limits. Alice, Jazz and I piled into her Porsche. I ducked down in the back seat, not wanting to be seen by anyone. She parked the car right under the tree, making sure that I would be covered when I got out.

As I waited for Alice to do her "check" I stared up at the dark window I knew to be Bella's. She was up there, fucking sad and alone. I could feel it. I had no idea what I was going to do to ease her pain, but I figured I'd let the moment take me like it had yesterday.

"If you are going to do this, you better go now." Alice said as she hung up her phone and sat back in the car. I took a deep breath and climbed out behind Jazz.

"Good luck Dude." Jazz was feeling a little helpless in this all too.

I mumbled "thanks" and got set on trying to maneuver up the tree. I made it up and onto the porch roof, out of breath but relatively unscathed.

Her room was dark, but I could just make out the figure of Bella curled up on the bed. Her whole body was shuddering; I could just barely hear the sobs escaping. I didn't know what hurt me worse; seeing her like this or remembering the empty look from yesterday.

I tapped on the window softly. I wanted to get her attention, but I didn't want to scare her. She thought the noise was from Alice and I heard her voice pleading to be left alone. It almost broke my fucking resolve, but I couldn't bear to see her like this, so I tapped again. She got up and opened her bedroom door, and I could see the confusion when she saw no one was there.

I tapped one more time, a little harder this time, to let her know it was coming from the window. I knew it scared her this time, but I could also see the angry expression. I worried that maybe I was doing the wrong fucking thing, that I was only going to make it worse, but when her face was close enough for me to see the bloodshot eyes and the tear stained face, I knew there was no turning back. This was where I was fucking supposed to be, right here with my Bella.

She opened the window and stuck her head out, looking like she was about to bitch-slap a fucker. Her eyes met mine and she froze. The connection tugged at me, and I was sure she felt it too.

"Can I come in?" I whispered, a little more timid than I felt inside.

"Edward..." She breathed and the lines between her eyes relaxed it a bit. "…yes."

**  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**BELLA**

I took a step back so Edward could climb in the window. Watching him, it all seemed so natural, like he belonged here in my room with me. Even crawling in through the window seemed like it had happened a million times before. Then I realized the magnitude of us being in my room…alone, and the fear began to rise.

"What the hell are you doing here? What if Charlie catches you? He'll kill you." There was a panic in my voice. Oh God...if Charlie caught him up here…I started looking around my room like Charlie was going to pop up from behind the rocking chair or something.

"I know, but I was worried about you. Alice explained the situation and I was afraid…"

"Afraid it would be like yesterday." I finished for him.

"Yes." He was standing a few feet away from me, but he looked ready to run and scoop me into his arms at any second. I was fighting the urge to run to  _him_  and wrap my arms around  _him_. "I know I said I would wait, but I couldn't stand the thought of you being by yourself, going through this. This isn't about anything but me being there for you. I just want to help."

I could see it in his eyes, he was telling the truth. He wasn't here to pressure me into anything, just wanted to be here…..to pull me out, in case I broke again. I could feel it now, that need that I realized yesterday, it was pulling me closer to him. I took a step toward him but hesitated. The locket was burning in my hand, my gaze transferred from Edward to my clenched fist holding the locket. I didn't even want to think what would happen if I touched him while holding the locket.

I caught some movement outside, and the porch light reflected off a yellow car. Alice's yellow car. It made sense now.

"The call from Emmett…this is an Alice plan isn't it?"

"Well…my plan, with Alice's assistance." His plan? It didn't matter though, as hard as it was for me to make him leave, he shouldn't be here for this.

"You really should leave. Not only will Charlie probably murder you on sight, but I need to deal with this on my own. I'll give you an answer…I just need to make it through tomorrow first."

"Charlie won't be back for hours. They haven't even made it there yet." He stopped to run his hands through his hair. "And I told you, I'm just here for you. I don't need an answer tonight."

"You need to leave." I said again, ignoring the screaming voice in the back of my head, telling me to run to him and it would all be alright. His face twisted into the same pained expression as the day I ran out on him. I closed my eyes and continued, "I want you to help me, but…I just can't…please understand. I should do this alone." My voice cracked and I heard him take a step closer.

"No, I'm not leaving you like this." He reached his hand forward and gently touched the hand holding the locket. I jerked my arm back, not really knowing if it was from the electricity or the fact that he was that close to my Jacob. I opened my eyes and he was staring curiously at the thin chain that was dangling from my fist. "Is that… the necklace?"

"What do you know about this?" I pulled my fist up in front of me, never opening it, allowing him to see the trace of chain sticking out between my fingers. I know I told Alice about this, but the irrational part of me was dead set against Edward knowing.

"Alice told me about…his present for you." He was judging my reaction, trying to choose his words carefully.

I could take him knowing what happened, but I couldn't handle him knowing about the locket. Partly because, deep down, I knew it was insane to be clutching on to this. My Jacob was not in this locket; he was in my heart and always would be, but I just couldn't let it go. I felt like a lioness protecting her cubs.

"You don't know anything about this." I shoved the locket in his face. "You'll never understand."

"Maybe I would if you'd just talk to me!" I could hear the irritation in his voice. "I'm here, risking life and limb for  _you_ , Bella, and you're trying to push me away. Again. Didn't yesterday mean anything to you?"

"No…I mean, yes…I don't know! Just…leave, please." I was utterly confused. Yesterday did mean something to me, and apparently it meant the same to him. "I need to figure this out, just leave!"

"No… I'm not leaving until you talk to me." His defiance sparked the stubbornness in me. I was getting pissed. The eve of my birthday and he was starting to pick a fight. Or maybe I was…I wasn't sure.

"I said get out! If you cared for me as much as you say, you'd just listen to me!"

"Will you look at yourself? I'm here to be your shoulder to cry on, and you're kicking me out over a fucking necklace! Of course I don't understand, you won't open up to me. You won't tell me anything."

"I don't have to tell you a goddamn thing!" I was very glad the neighbors weren't that close, because I was practically screeching. I was lost and scared and wanting him and wanting him to leave. I didn't know where this new anger was coming from and I didn't know where it was leading.

"Yes you do! I'm bending over backwards for you, and I'd be happy to keep doing it, but you've got to let me help you." He wasn't budging from his spot.

"I don't need your fucking help!" I couldn't control the words coming out. I could feel the tension in my chest, the need for him clashing with the need to push him away. To be alone with my memories and my guilt  _and_  to not be alone anymore.

"Yes you do! You need me and I fucking need you. I  _know_  you can feel it. Those moments when the whole world melted away and it was just us. I wasn't the only one. You need to stop denying it and just fucking let me in!"

"I'm not trying to deny it. I know it's there. I feel it every time I'm around you. You have no idea how bad I wish I could be with you." My voice was shaking. My whole body was shaking.

"Then just be with me! I'm right here…practically fucking begging you. I'll take care of you Bella. I swear on my fucking life I'll do whatever it takes." He was starting to fall apart, his voice cracking at the end. I shook my head, fresh tears blurring my vision.

"It's not that simple Edward! Don't you think that if I  _could_  be with you, I already would be? The guilt…over what happened…it's too much!" Something that I said made him tense. I could see the anger in his eyes.

"Guilt? You can't be with me because of guilt?" he shook his head, as if to get rid of a bad memory. He voice softened. "You can't let that rule your life. I've seen firsthand what guilt can do if you let it control you. My mother is a fucking shell of herself. She feels guilt for something that wasn't even her fault, and it destroyed her. I'll be fucking damned before I let you end up that way. If I have to fucking go to Charlie myself and tell him you need help, I will. If I have to fucking go  _through_ Charlie, I'll do that too. You  _will not_ , end up like her."

I didn't know if it was the threat of him going to Charlie, or the memory of Alice's face when she told me about her mother, but the war inside me suddenly stopped. Edward, Charlie, Renee, Alice, they were all right. The same thing has been repeated to me over and over again, for a year now, but the truth of it never really hit me until now. I could feel that he meant every damn word he said. He would not let me end up like his mother. Wallowing in her guilt, not able to recognize her own family. If I stayed on this path, would I be like that? Would I snap so bad that I wouldn't be able to see Charlie? Or my Mom? I shuddered at the thought. Edward was still, waiting for my response.

"I don't know  _how_  to let it go." I whispered with a sob gently escaping my lips. He rushed forward, wrapping his arms around me.

"It's ok, I'll help you every step of the way. I'll take care of you… We all will." He said into my hair. He led me to the bed, sat down and pulled me into his lap like you would a child. "I meant every fucking word I said Bella. I want to be with you, I'll take the bad with the good. Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes…but…"

"No buts. We'll work it out." He kissed me softly on the forehead. A gesture that last time sent me screaming away. This time it was comforting and the locket I was still holding no longer burned in my hand. "I'll never try to replace him, I hope you know that. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could make it all just magically go away, I would. I'd pay any price. It breaks my heart to see you go through this."

We sat there for more than a short time, him trying to will my guilt to disappear. His breath was steady, almost like a lullaby. He felt so strong sitting there, physically and emotionally. Exactly what I needed.

"If you were him…if you were Jacob, what would you want?"

"Aw Bells. That's so cliché." There was a hint if laughter in his voice. It made me smile ever so slightly. The way he said it…it reminded me of Emmett.

"Just answer me…please."

"If I were him, I would just want you to be happy. And I'd be angry that you were fucking killing yourself over something that you couldn't control."

I sat up, not really realizing I had sunk down into his chest.

"It  _was_  in my control! I never should have made him leave the party. He left without saying goodbye to his family; he left to make  _me_  happy. If I hadn't been so selfish, we never would have driven to that park. None of it would have happened. "

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked with respect and hesitation….and hopefulness.

I did. I didn't. I suddenly felt like I had to get it all out, the whole story, like it was a weight sitting on my chest and I was running out of breath.

I let my mind drift back to one year ago…

_I knew something was up as soon as Jacob parked in the front of his house. He never parked there. I gave him a look and he caved. "Sorry Bells, I tried to tell them." I was so mad. "Jacob! Are you kidding me?" I strained my neck to see into his tiny red house. How many people could they fit in there? I didn't see anyone in the house but I did see a shit load of cars in the back. I guess they can fit a bunch of people in there, they must be packed like sardines. I got out of his car and started walking towards town. He easily caught up with me."Aww, Bells. Don't worry about it. It's ok…we don't have to stay. I'll call my dad and tell him you aren't feeling well after dinner. Ok? Come on…we'll go for a drive." We got back in the car and left without saying a word to anyone._

_He held my hand during the short drive from his house to the park, rubbing his thumb across my fingers. It made my whole body relax. We parked; he rolled down the windows and shut off the car. The cool breeze smelled fresh and it made me feel awake and alive. I adjusted myself in the seat so I was leaning against the center console and put my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around my waist and leaned down to kiss me."I'll love you forever Bella." He reached up to the locket and brought it to his lips._

" _I'll love_ _ **you**_ _forever Jacob." I smiled and kissed him again._

" _Are you having a good birthday?"_

" _Yes, it's much better now._ Your  _birthday is only a few months away, what do_ you _want?"_

" _You." He already had that._

" _Oh, well I think I can arrange that."_

_He laughed, reached over the console and started tickling me. We didn't notice the man walk up to the car. I was laughing and squirming, some of my hair fell out the window. He leaned down to kiss me again, but stopped. His whole body tensed. I felt a sharp tug and the back of my head hit the door._

" _Take the keys out of the ignition and get out of the fucking car." I tilted my head back and looked up at the man standing above me. He had my hair in one hand and a knife with a 6 inch blade in the other._

" _Hey man, take it easy, let go of her."_

" _Just get the fuck out of the car." He brought the knife close to Jacob's face._

" _Ok, just don't hurt her." Jacob took the keys out and went to open the door._

" _Hurry up Mother Fucker, I don't have all day!"_

" _I will but you have to let her go. I'll get out, just please let her go." The man muttered a fuck under his breath and released my hair. I wrapped my arms around Jacob, whispering into his neck for him to not get out._

" _I have to Bells; he's going to hurt you if I don't. I love you. It'll be ok, I promise." Tears were streaming down my face, I let him go and he climbed out of the car. I saw the man make his way around the car to stand in front of Jacob. I began frantically searching for Jacob's cell phone. It must have fallen out of the drink holder when we were wrestling around._

_Jacob stood between the man and the car with his arms out blocking my view of the man. I quickly dialed 911 trying to be quiet so the man didn't hear and do something rash. The phone rang and someone answered I whispered "We need help." I was waiting for them to tell me the police, fire department, swat team, someone was coming but all I heard was silence. They hung up on me. I called back and tried to be a little louder but had to hide the phone when the man peeked around Jacob to see what I was doing._

" _Give me your wallet." Jacob obeyed and reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. The man grabbed it from him and started rifling through it, looking for cash. I took advantage of his distraction and called 911 for the third time. This time I didn't say anything. I just put the cell on the floor and let the operator hear everything that was going on._

" _I want your fucking purse too." I turned to get it from its usual spot behind Jacobs's seat but realized when the spot was empty, that I didn't have it; I had left my purse at home._

" _I don't have it." My voice was shaking. Jacob was so far away from me. I wanted him to be with me, in the car, and away from this wretched man._

" _Stop fucking lying and give me your goddamn purse!" He pushed Jacob over with the strength that only a crack-head could display. Jacob towered over this man and was about twice as wide but he was taken by surprise by the ferociousness of this man and stumbled to the side._

" _I don't have it, please let us go." I begged. The man lunged forward placing his hands on the window sill of the car door. "If you don't have a purse to give me then I'll be taking something_ _ **else**_ _from you." He looked at me with disgusting lustful eyes and I cringed in my seat. Jacob's face grew hard; he had a nasty temper if someone tried to mess with me or his family._

" _Get the fuck away from her." I could see it in Jacob's eyes that he was calculating the proper move. I was praying to God that he would just wait and that_ _ **this**_ _911 operator did their job and sent some help for us. The man laughed at him._

" _Shut the fuck up or I'll do it right here and make you watch." the man grabbed and rubbed at himself. That was all Jacob could take. I'd seen him wrestle with his friends Embry, Paul and Quil and it took all three of them working together to take Jacob down. Fighting was natural to him, which is funny because he was one of the most laid back people I've ever met. But these were not normal circumstances; this guy was on something and had a huge knife on his side._

_I screamed "No, Jacob, NO!" but it was too late. Jacob lunged at him with a look of absolute hatred. I was helpless; all I could do was watch in horror. The man took a defensive step back but Jacob adjusted himself and took him down anyway. They wrestled and rolled around on the ground throwing punches and trying to incapacitate each other. I faintly heard a voice coming from my cell phone on the floor. I reached down and grabbed it up. Frantically, I screamed into the phone, "WE NEED HELP. HURRY UP! HE'S GONNA HURT JACOB!" The voice on the other end of the phone said, "Calm down, honey, they're on their way. They should be there any time now." I dropped the phone back to the floor and screamed out the window. "The police are coming, run away!" I just wanted that asshole away from Jacob. I didn't care if he got away. In one last rush of strength the man pushed Jacob off of him and ran toward the car. I froze. Jacob sprang to his feet and ran after him. Just before the man got to the car Jacob caught up to him. The man spun around and I saw him throw another punch. At the same time Jacob threw one too. This time he hit the man square on the jaw and he crumpled to the ground._

_Jacob staggered the rest of the way to the car and I could tell something was wrong. "Bella…" It was just a whisper but I heard the message hidden inside of it. I opened my door and ran as fast as I could around the car but froze when I saw Jacob slide down the door to the ground, leaving a trail behind him. It took a second to register what it was, blood. I sprinted over and slid to a stop at Jacob's head. I cradled him in my arms, sobbing uncontrollably._

" _Jacob, the police will be here soon. Hang on baby, hang on!" I tried to look around to see if anyone was coming but didn't see anything but the man, still unconscious, a few feet away._

" _Bella…it'll be ok…." Jacob laid there in my arms until we heard the sirens coming. The police must have had an ambulance waiting not far away because once they assessed the situation and had the man handcuffed, still unconscious, in the back of a cruiser, the ambulance drove up at panic speed. They quickly got Jacob onto the stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. His blue shirt was almost completely black from the blood; as were the thighs of my jeans from holding him. They almost shut the doors without me but I threw such a fit that Jacob began to fight the paramedics so they let me go with him._

_On the way to the hospital I was using every fiber of my being to beg him to stay with me until we could get to the hospital and they could fix him. It wasn't enough. As I was holding his hand against my heart I heard him take his last breath. With the exhale he whispered, "I'll love you forever". Then he was gone._

"Damnit Bella, you didn't know anything was going to happen. How could you have known? You can't blame yourself for that. "

"No? His father, his friends, everyone in his family blamed me!"

"They're fucking stupid. If it was his time to go…then it would have happened with or without you. That's how Alice and I learned to deal with losing our dad. We accepted that it was just his time, even if our mom hadn't called him that day, we still would have lost him."

"That's not the way they see it. His father, Billy, cornered me at the hospital and told me it was all my fault. He made sure he pointed out that they were having a party for  _me_ , a party Jacob helped prepare for. Jacob should have been there, with his family, celebrating and having fun. If he was, if I didn't make him leave, he would still be alive…or at least he would have had one last happy memory with them. But instead he left with me and died a horrible, painful, scary death."

"They don't know that. Anything could have happened. He still would have died that night. It was just his time." Edward wasn't just trying to make me feel better; he was trying to strengthen the resolve of his own belief.

"Well, tell that to his friends who stalked me for days afterwards. Tell that to his father who banned me from his funeral. I never even got to pay my last respects…except in the ambulance when he died in my arms. They nearly drove me to suicide. I thought about how I would do it, had a plan all figured out, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it to Renee, or Charlie. I couldn't make them feel the way I was feeling."

"Bella…..Jacob died that day, not you. You still have a life to live. Jacob was taken for a reason. You weren't…for a reason. You don't have to let go of Jacob, just loosen up so there's room for other people too...like me…and Alice, Em, and Rose. Live your life, Bella! Don't just exist, live."

I knew what he was saying was true. I'd heard it many times before but it never really made sense before now. Maybe it was possible to hold on to Jacob without letting go of me. Could my heart really have room for both Jacob and Edward?

"It's going to take some time Edward." I had held on to misery for so long that it wasn't going to be put away without a fight.

"I know, but I'm going to fucking be here holding your hand the whole time." I was still crying. He reached up, wiped my tears away and kissed my eyes like he could make my sadness go away. I adjusted my position so I was leaning into him again listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. He started humming. It was the same song he sang to me before. I was quickly falling in love with it. It calmed my frayed nerves and I started drifting to sleep.

I was back in the all-too-familiar dream; standing in a misty fog being pulled in one direction by Jacob and another direction by Edward. I was being pulled so evenly that I couldn't move. It was different this time though.  _I_  was still stuck in place but Jacob was walking toward me. He stopped just in front of me and I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. I nearly forgot about the other pull, almost. Jacob looked at me with his big brown eyes and smiled. He took my hand and I could feel the locket pulse between our palms.

_He's right you know…You should be happy Bella._

_Jacob…_

_It's ok Bella, I'm happy, I want you to be happy too._

_But I love you Jacob._

_I love you too Bella…That's why I want you to live, love, be happy…._

_Are you sure….I don't want to forget you._

_Your heart won't forget…your mind needs to move on now._

_Thank you, Jacob._

_No, Thank you for loving me so much. Now move on and be happy, love is waiting for you._

I was suddenly aware that Charlie came in to check on me; I heard the door click closed behind him. I bolted upright when I remembered I had falling asleep in Edward's arms. I heard no yelling or screaming, or gun shots and taking a look around the room, I saw no sign that Edward had even been there.

I fell back into bed, thinking it must have all been a dream. An insightful dream however. I remembered Charlie's earlier words, telling me that I needed help. He was right of course, it had to stop. I had to stop feeling guilt over something I had no control over. I knew just who I was going to turn to.

"Edward." I said to myself.

"Yes?" The voice scared me so bad I jumped and almost fell off the bed. It was coming from the closet.

"Edward?" I could barely make him out in the darkness, but there he was. He walked out of the closet and sat next to me on the bed. "Wait…I didn't dream that? Wh-What about Charlie?"

"After you fell asleep, I laid you down on the bed, I stayed for a while to make sure you were ok and I guess I fell asleep too. Em's Jeep woke me up. I'm pretty sure he revved it to warn me. I didn't have enough time to climb out the window, so I hid in the closet. Hands down, scariest five minutes of my fucking life."

"You stayed? You risked being caught?" Are you crazy?

"I was still worried about you. I didn't want you to wake up thinking it was all a dream,which apparently you did anyway."

"Can you blame me? It's not exactly believable that Edward Cullen would be sneaking around Chief Swan's house." Maybe in Charlie's nightmares.

"That's true." He smiled my favorite crooked smile. I was glad he was still here. "You talk in your sleep, you know? You were talking to…Jacob."

"Yeah." I thought back to my dream, realizing what he must have heard. "I'll always love him."

"I know. I wouldn't expect anything less. I already told you, I'm not trying to replace him. I just want my own place in your heart, next to him maybe."

"This might be a long process."

"I know that too, but I'm up for the challenge. If you want me, that is." I DID want him. I could feel the familiar tug of guilt, but this time, the connection between us was stronger. I could do this with him by my side. I reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down on the bed next to me. I turned on my side so that I was facing him.

"I do want you Edward. That was never the problem. I was just so afraid that being with you would make me lose any connection I had with Jacob. I feel what you feel though, when we're close. If you're willing to be patient with me, I'm willing to be yours."

Before I knew what had happened, his lips were on mine. It wasn't like last time, when I could feel the sexual tension. This kiss was soft, more like a confirmation of a point. He kissed me until I was breathless, and then pulled away so that our noses were touching.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Because  _I_ really want it…but if you don't, please tell me."

"Yes, I'm sure." I said before the guilt or anything else could stop me. I didn't need professional help to ease my guilt. I needed him...and Alice, Emmett, Charlie, all of them. I could do this. He kissed my forehead and once again, I was able to control myself. I was able to see the differences between his actions and Jacob's.

"Am I allowed to tell you Happy Birthday?"

"It's my birthday? How late is it?"

"About one thirty. Em and Rose didn't know how much time I would need so they delayed."

"I don't think I'm quite ready for birthday celebrations yet." He nodded. I adjusted myself to a more comfortable position and felt my locket underneath me. I pulled it out and looked at it.

"It wouldn't bother me if you wore it."

"That wouldn't be fair to you." I wasn't ready to completely let go of it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to be with Edward if it was always right next to me. I got up and put it inside the small jewelry box on my dresser. It was harder for me than I thought and I almost pulled it right back out, but I felt Edward's hand on my back and I took a step back. This day wasn't over; it was technically only beginning. I knew it was going get harder, especially without Edward to lean on. I walked over to my door and locked it. I went back to the bed and laid down beside Edward.

"Will you stay with me, for a little while, please? Charlie won't try to break down the door as long as he hears my voice."

"Yes." He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest.

"After will you send Alice and Rose? I'm going to need them too." I felt him nod his head. He was stroking my hair.

"I think I can be your Bella now."

"I've been your Edward for a while, even if you didn't know it."

"Will you sing to me?"

"Of course." He was silent for a second. "Do you mind if I sing you something different?"

"No. I just want to hear your voice."

He continued stroking my hair and started softly singing.

_What's in your heart  
What's in your head  
Its one of the other these days  
The quick or the dead  
Sometimes we gotta fight  
So don't you complain  
Cause I never promised this  
Would be easy babe_

You and me are gonna rise up  
and they will be surprised, yep

I was asleep before he finished. In my dreams, my birthday was over and I was with Edward.

I was finally Happy Bella.


	18. Chapter 18

**EDWARD**

I was sitting there holding Bella. Holding  _my_  Bella. She was so peaceful. The most content I had fucking seen her, ever. I wanted to stay there forever with her in my arms but circulation being what it is, my feet started falling asleep. Then my legs. I held out as long as I could but eventually had to lay her down on her bed. She barely even noticed. I stood up and limped around until the blood brought life back to my lower appendages.

I was contemplating leaving out the window or staying with her. I pictured her fucking waking up alone, thinking it was all a dream then going right back to her self-destructive ways. I couldn't bare to lose what progress we had made since my rooftop intrusion. I made my way back to the bed where my Bella lay sleeping. She was so beautiful. Her creamy skin looked flawless against her soft yellow ducky sheets. I chuckled at the absurdity of the contrast between her beauty and those fucking ridiculous bed covers.

" _But I love you Jacob."_ She mumbled in her sleep. I wasn't as bothered by that as I probably should have been. I swore to her I would never fucking try and replace him. I didn't care if I had to share her with a memory, as long as I got to have her.

I thought back to what she told me, Jacob's father blamed her. That stupid fuck. I was half tempted to go to Phoenix and beat his ass. He ruined this poor girl. Fuck it. I was here to pick up the pieces and that's all that mattered now.

" _Thank you, Jacob."_ It was kind of cute that she talked in her sleep. I didn't notice that the night in the truck. I laid down next to her and brushed a few stray strands away so I could see her more clearly. The ever-present anxious crease between her eyes was smooth. I gently traced her jaw line with my finger and wanted to touch so much more but I didn't want to wake her and I wanted her to be a full participant when, or if, she decided to make our relationship more...physical. I sat for a while just humming random songs that made me think of her. I must have fallen asleep because I was startled awake by the deep rumbling that only Em's souped- up Wrangler can make.

Shit, Charlie's home.

What the fuck was I going to do? There was no way I had time to sneak out the window. He'd see my ass for sure, or hear me and come out shooting. I heard the front door close. He'd been gone a long time and I know the first place he's gonna check.

Fuck!

I tried to sprint but tip-toe at the same time. Not a fucking easy thing to do. I hid in the first place I could fit my ass. In the closet. I stood like a fucking statue amongst Bella's T-shirts and some frilly shit I was pretty sure she wouldn't be caught dead in. It really wasn't all that bad. It smelled like Bella, that always made me feel a little weak in the knees. I almost relaxed, there in the jasmine and honey, until the door jiggled.

Shit, Bella fell asleep and I forgot to unlock it. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! The door jiggled again, this time a little more forcefully, anxious maybe. I heard Charlie mumble something that sounded more like something I'd say then him. His footsteps walked away quickly and I reached to push the closet doors open. Thank God for fucking hesitation because they came right back, quickly. What the hell did he do, go get his gun? F U C K! I froze not even wanting to breathe. The door jiggled again and I heard the metallic scraping of a key. Of course Charlie would have a Goddamn key. He wasn't about to let Bella have a way to lock him out without being able to get in, if he needed to. The door flung open and I was shocked that Bella didn't bolt up in her bed from all the racket. She didn't though, she barely even stirred. Charlie raced over and leaned over checking for breathing. He visibly relaxed when he felt her breathing steady. He sat next to her on the bed and smoothed her hair for a few minutes. I was beginning to wonder if I was in for a long night in the closet when my heart jumped into my throat.

"Goddammit!" Shit did I leave something on the bed? I don't think I brought anything. "I should have been here Bells. I bet you cried yourself to sleep didn't you." Fuck. My ass was clenched so tight if I had coal underwear on I'd be shitin' diamonds. He sat for another minute or so just staring at her. He leaned down and kissed her cheek."Happy Birthday, Baby." With that he got up and left the room. As he passed the closet door he wiped away a tear and I thought to myself, maybe he isn't a judgmental bastard fucktard. Well, at least not a fucktard.

The door clicked and Bella opened her eyes. She seemed a little panicked at first but then relaxed. She took a deep breath...then said my name. I couldn't help it, I automatically said "Yes". I couldn't hear her say my name without letting her know I was there for whatever she needed. The sound of my voice startled her so much that she nearly convulsed right out of her bed. I swung the closet doors open as quietly as I could and went to the bed.

She seemed surprised that I stayed all night. I don't know why, I'd stay forever if she'd let me. She seemed to be in a fair mood considering what today was.

When Bella told me she wanted to be mine, I couldn't fucking control myself. I grabbed her and kissed her before she could backtrack. She didn't freak so I didn't stop. It was fucking perfect. It was even better than the last time. Bella was mine and I was hers.

She wasn't ready for "Happy Birthday" yet but she didn't go into a trance when I kissed her forehead either. Good sign. I was completely willing to let her take her time. I could tell she was trying to push herself when she put the locket away, but I held her hand through it all. Baby steps.

Bella asked me to stay for a while; my heart skipped a beat when I realized she really did want me around her. I pulled her into my arms, it was just like the dream I had about her, when she first took Tanya's spot. Her head on my chest, my hands in her hair. I sang her to sleep. I'd fucking sing for her all night, every night, if that's what she wanted.

I watched her sleep, anytime my eyelids started to droop; I'd sing her another song. I didn't want to risk falling asleep and having Charlie bursting in. That was all I fucking needed, to finally have my Bella and have her ripped from my arms the same night. I couldn't keep my fucking lips off her, kissing her hair, her face, even her hands. Bella's lips would curl into a little smile every time I kissed her. She never moved from my chest and she didn't talk again.

When the sun started to come up, I heard Charlie's alarm go off and I shook Bella awake.

"Bells, baby, your dad is getting up." She opened her eyes and smiled up at me. "Good morning."

"You stayed."

"Of course. I told you I would." I felt an irrational moment of fear and doubt. "You still want this, right?"

"Yes, Edward, I still want this. I still want  _you._ " I wanted to pull her up and kiss her again, but there was a knock on the door, and I almost fucking pissed myself.

"Bells? Are you up?" He started to turn in door knob, but Bella shot up.

"Dad, I'm fine" her voice was a little shaky from nerves and he noticed.

"Bella. Let me in."

"Dad, seriously, I'm fine. I just have a headache." She looked at me and then pointed to the closet. "Could you get me some Tylenol please?" Oh shit. Back to the fucking closet. As soon as I heard him walk away from the door I shot myself into the closet. Bella couldn't help but giggle. It was so fucking cute, and almost worth the near bodily injury. Bella unlocked the door when Charlie knocked again. She only opened it wide enough to show him her face and to hold out her hand.

"Do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No, it's just a headache. I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to stay home today? I don't want you to be alone."

"Actually…I think I'm going to call Alice. Maybe Rose too. I think I'm going to need them."

"It's a school day…but I guess if their parents are ok with it." I didn't know if it was just my paranoid ass, but he sounded fucking suspicious. I think Bella was picking up on it too.

"I'm going to lay back down now. I'll call you if I need you." I heard the goodbyes and Bella shut the door, locking it again. "You can come out now." I crawled out of the closet and got up on my knees in front of her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and met her eyes. I could feel the electricity pulsing between us.

"Are you really alright?" She looked down at me, and ran her fingers through my hair. God, how many fucking times have I dreamed about her doing that?

"Not completely, but I will be." I nodded and stood up. I leaned my head against hers, so that our foreheads were touching.

"Bella?" I asked softly.

"Yes." She whispered; her breath a little heavy.

"I really have to fucking pee." Her eyes widened and she started blushing and giggling. Goddamn that was cute.

"Charlie should be leaving in a few minutes." We stayed like that, our arms wrapped around each other, not speaking, until we heard Charlie's cruiser pull away. I unwillingly let go of her to quickly run to the bathroom. When I got back, Bella was sitting on her bed, head in hands.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I raced to her side.

"It's my birthday."

"Yes, love. It is." Shit please not again. She took a deep breath and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"I can do this."

"Yes you can." I kissed her hair. "Do you want me to get Alice and Rose now?" she seemed hesitant. "It's ok, you need them and they want to help. I should get back home, I'm technically grounded."

"You're grounded?"

"Umm...yeah. I'll explain that later." I pulled out my phone and noticed I had twenty five messages from Alice, and fifteen from Emmett. Shit. I didn't read them and just texted Alice.

_Bella needs you. Will u & rose sit with her 2day?_

_U had me so worried! I waited out front as long as I could. I'm guessing Charlie didn't catch u?_

_Nope. Im safe. Sit with B 2day?_

_Of course. B there in a flash._

"She's on her way."

"When will I see you again?"

"When do you want to see me again?"

"Can you come back…tonight?"

"And risk getting caught by Charlie?" she bit her lip. "For you, love. I'd do anything." I would, there was no doubt about it. I'd be here tonight, even if I had to take someone down. Alice made it in record time, followed by Em, my ride home. I got up to crawl out the window, still thinking it would be better than just walking out the front door. Em parked himself under the tree, and Rose got out. Leave it to Alice to orchestrate every little detail.

"I'll be back tonight, love. I fucking promise." Bella nodded, not moving from the bed. I didn't want to leave her, but I knew I had to. She needed her time with Alice and Rose. I was out the window and standing on the porch roof when Bella reached out through the curtains that were blowing in the cool breeze, grabbed my face and brought her lips to mine. It wasn't a soft tender kiss like last night; it was a full force, push her breasts up against me, lick my mouth, I want you bad kinda kiss that nearly made my grip on the window fail. She pulled away and went over to the door. She looked back at me, cheeks flush with embarrassment and a little want too, I think.

"What was that for?" Not that I didn't like it but…wow. It was hot, but I didn't want her pushing herself to hard or too fast.

"To prove that I could…and to prove that I want you. I'll see you tonight."She walked out the door to let Alice and Rose in.

I took a deep breath, adjusted my hard-on so I could move more comfortably, and climbed down the tree in front of Bella's house. I waved to my sister and climbed into the Jeep. I looked over at Emmett and he smiled, I just couldn't hide the big fucking shit-eating grin on my face.

**BELLA**

I spent the night with Edward freaking Cullen. Not in a truck, but in a bed.  _My_  bed. Granted, I was an emotional wreck, and there were a few tears shed, but still. And that kiss as he crawled out of my window, ugh, I almost couldn't pull away. I had no idea what possessed me to do it, but I was glad it did.

I ran down the stairs barely able to suppress the grin on my face. Alice and Rose were waiting at the front door, expecting me to be depressed, but I was smiling like a kid on freaking Christmas morning. I attempted to gain composure of my face, and opened the door. Alice was holding a grocery bag filled with ice cream, cookies and random bits of chocolate and several boxes of tissues. Rose was carrying her toolbox/makeup kit. Alice smiled weakly.

"We didn't know what kind of mood you'd be in, so we came prepared for anything."

"Oh…well…thanks. I can't believe your parents let you skip school for this."

"Rose's parents probably aren't even aware that it's a school day, and Esme loves you, so it was no problem." She took a step into the house. "Even if they had said no, we still would have come." Rose followed her into the house and I took them upstairs to my room. My bed was still rumpled from my night with Edward and my window was still open. Proof that he'd actually been there and it wasn't all some fucked up dream.

My grin was gone now, partly because I was missing him already, and partly because I remembered Alice and Rose weren't here for a mere social visit. They were here to make sure that Happy Bella wasn't sucked down into a pit of despair.

We got ourselves settled; Alice cuddled herself up and leaned on the headboard, Rose laid herself across the foot of the bed, and I sat with my knees up in my rickety old rocking chair in the corner.

"I want to thank you guys again for coming. It means a lot to me." I had a hard time looking at them when I said it. I felt a bit like a beggar, asking my friends to come save me from myself.

"Of course. We'll always be here for you." Alice patted my shoulder.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend." Rose played with the corner of the blanket, I'd never seen Rose look almost nervous. "You may think you're an emotional disaster, but if I lost Em, I don't think I'd be quite as composed as you." Me? Composed? I don't think so. Rose could see the doubt on my face. "Seriously Bella, I don't know how you've done it. We all knew that you were upset about something when you first started sitting with us, but none of us ever imagined it was something so…heartbreaking." Rose wiped a tear away. I never guessed through all the sexual innuendos and the dirty jokes that she and Emmett were so close and so much in love.

"Um…thanks. I'm trying." We sat in silence for awhile. I knew what they were waiting for. I took a deep breath, walked over and sat next to Alice on my bed. They both sat anxiously while I steeled myself and told them about that night. I told them almost word for word what I told Edward the night before. The longer I talked, and the more detail I went into, the more the guilt lifted. The knot in my stomach eased, my eyes stopped flashing to my jewelry box. I successfully fought the urge to fish out the locket while I was talking.

They waited patiently for me to finish, never interrupting, even when one of them had to get up for another tissue box. I was shocked that I had so much to say and so many tears left. After I told them about Jacob's death, I told them about our first kiss, our first date, even our almost first time. I moved seamlessly between the sad memories and the happy ones. There was no way I would have been able to do this before. I just let the memory of Edward singing to me invade my mind and I talked and talked and talked. Alice and Rose laughed and cried in all the right places. The hours flew by and before I knew it, it was afternoon and we were all starving. Alice had run down and put the ice cream in the freezer when it started to melt, so she ran back down to retrieve it. My face was red, my cheeks covered in tears, but it was different this time. I felt free.

"So, um...what went on  _last_  night?" Alice asked between spoonfuls. "I IM'd Edward about fifty times. I almost broke into your house to check on you guys. Jazz and I waited in the car until Charlie, Em and Rose were practically in the driveway."

"We just…talked." Rose and Alice shared a raised eyebrow look. "Seriously, all we did was talk. We just both fell asleep, that's why he didn't come home. It was really sweet…he stayed just in case I woke up and was sad. "

"Are you two…you know…a thing now?"

"Um…yeah. I guess we are."

"Finally!" They cried in unison, giving each other a look of happy exhaustion .

"BUT!" Their faces fell. "We are taking it very slow. I mean, right now, I feel great, but there's no telling how I'll feel tomorrow, or a week from now. I want to be with him, I just need to take it day by day. I lived in depression for so long; it's not all going to be erased in one night."

We finished off our comfort food, and decided to go downstairs to watch TV. I told them they didn't have to stay all day, but they said they weren't going to leave my side. Alice said she feared the wrath of her brother if anything happened to me. The day wore on without incident. There were a few touchy times, when I'd see a commercial for the cologne Jacob wore, or flipping through the channels, we skipped over an episode of  _Law and Order_  where a couple had been attacked. Those things would remind me exactly what day it was. I would feel the lump rise in my throat and my chest ache, but Alice would always pick up on it and squeeze my hand or give me a little one arm hug. Rose tried to distract me by giving me a mani-pedi. I wasn't into it a first, but I quickly realized that like Alice's plans, you just go along with it. I actually started enjoying it after a while.

Edward eventually started texting Alice, checking to make sure everything was alright. Rose refused to let me text him, saying it would ruin all her hard work on my nails. I felt awkward about Alice relaying my messages to him, so I had her tell him I would see him tonight. He and Alice worked out a strategy for sneaking him in, which included me having to use the cell phone Charlie had given me. We agreed that I would message Alice as soon as Charlie went to sleep, and Edward would again climb the tree.

When Charlie came home, he was surprised to see me sitting casually in the living room with the girls. I was pretty sure he was picturing coming home to me curled in the fetal position, sobbing my eyes out. Charlie was so happy to see Alice and Rose, and to see me smile, that he begged them to stay for dinner then went out and splurged on Chinese food for all of us.

As it grew later and later, Alice and I started exchanging anxious glances. It was becoming clear that Charlie had no intention of letting them leave. In his mind, when they left my happiness would go with them. Alice's phone was going off about every five minutes. I knew it was Edward, because she would hide her phone from Charlie's view when she responded.

As happy as I had been with Alice and Rose today, I needed my Edward fix. I could feel my edges wearing thin, I needed another good cry and I needed it to be in Edward's arms, with his soft voice in the background.

After Charlie told the girls they were welcome to spend the night, I got fed up and started handing him beers. I made sure he went passed his three beer limit. Finally his head started dropping, and he went upstairs to bed. He was snoring before Alice and Rose made it out the door.

Alice took off so fast her tires squealed. She knew how important this was to me. I went upstairs; making sure Charlie was indeed sound asleep. I waited nervously, brushing my teeth and brushing my hair until it was shiny. I was even considering changing clothes, but then I heard the knock on my window.

My Edward was here. I couldn't help but feel a bit giddy.

I opened the window and grinned like an idiot as he climbed in. As soon as he was fully inside, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed.

"Is the door locked?" He whispered.

"Yes." My pulse quickened at the thought of why he wanted the door locked.

"Then do what you need to do Bells. I'm here." I was relieved and disappointed at the same time that he wasn't going to just jump my bones to make me forget. He knew what I was feeling and he also knew that in order for me to get over it I had to get it out. He kissed me on the forehead and I let myself go. Let go of that night. Let go of what could have been. Let go of the guilt for what was now. I cried into his shoulder as he gently rocked me. He didn't make me feel guilty for crying about another boy. The pressure from the day gradually released. When I was done he wiped my tears away with his shirt, and we laid down on the bed, facing each other.

"Thank you." I entangled my fingers with his and looked deep in his eyes.

"Anything for you." He brushed my hair away for my face and tucked it behind my ear. "Alice said she could feel the tension when she left. I figured you would need a good release. So, how was today?"

"It was alright, they kept me occupied. Rose did my nails." I wiggled my fingers in front of him.

"Oh, pretty." He said as he kissed them; looking up sensually, lips paused at my fingertips. My insides lurched a bit but not in the usual way. Edward noticed the change in my expression.

"Seriously, are you ok? Alice and Rose didn't push you did they?" leave it to Edward to mistake my lustfulness for anxiety.

"No, actually I pushed myself." I caught his disapproving expression. "It's ok, I needed to, and it felt good. Refreshing. I've never talked about Jacob like that before. I liked it; I never really had girlfriends before."

"As long as you are comfortable with it, I don't think I could fucking handle seeing you break again. I was nearly in a panic myself last time."

"Hopefully that will never happen again, now that you're here with me." I snuggled closer to him. "Sing to me?" He put his lips to my ear and sang the same song from the night before. I nestled my face against his neck and took a deep breath of Edward; relishing the moment. I could be happy like this, with Edward. It was perfect. His hands were moving up and down my back, trying to soothe me to sleep. It almost seemed like he was writing a message. I tried to concentrate and decipher the code. I couldn't translate it all but I think I felt  _my love, mine, and happy_. There were some other things there too but I didn't care about those. I think Edward loves me, wants me to be his and I make him happy; nothing else really mattered.

"Are you still awake?" He whispered when the song was over.

"Yes."I couldn't hide my smile. I took a deep breath and pressed my lips gently against his neck. I felt him shudder. I looked up and met his eyes, they were so freaking gorgeous. I couldn't help myself. The electricity was growing, so I lifted my face to his and kissed him.

He was hesitant at first, but he gave in when my arms went around him pressing him closer. It was a long deep kiss. He pulled my body closer; one hand pushing our hearts together and the other somewhere near my low back, pushing our hips closer together. Our tongues moved against each other, and my breath hitched. Edward lowered both of his hand to my hips and rolled me on top of him. A thousand thoughts were running through my head, and I felt the familiar wave of guilt in my stomach but it was just a ripple not a tidal wave. I was kissing Edward and that's all the mattered. His lips left mine and traveled across my jaw and down my neck. I gasped at the sensation, but he mistook it and stopped.

"Fuck, love." His voice sounded pained. I don't know if it was from thinking he took it too far or from the obvious confinement of his Levi's. He rolled me back to the spot next to him. He took a deep breath and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I don't want to make you do anything you're not ready for." I started to protest, but I realized he was right. I wasn't ready; I was pushing myself to fast. I wanted to go further but I also didn't want to end up huddled in a corner.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Just like last time. That day...in the music room, it had nothing to do with you. It was all me. I should have explained that sooner. I'm sorry."

"Bells, it's alright. It all worked out didn't it?" I nodded and moved so my head was on his chest. He continued rubbing my back. We stayed like that for a long time, perfectly happy just to be holding each other. "Umm…Bella?"

"Yes?" Yes I want you. Yes I need you. Yes….I love you.

"Not that it matters, but I was just wondering, are you a…uh…have you…fuck this is hard." He ran his hand through is hair. I turned and propped myself up on his chest so that I was looking at him.

"Just say it, Edward." I didn't think there was anything he could be curious about that I wouldn't be completely comfortable telling him; not after the last few days.

"Are you a virgin?" He was looking timidly in my direction, embarrassed. I think my jaw actually dropped. If it was humanly possible to die by blushing, I would have.

"Yes. Is that bad?"

"No, no. I just wanted to know."

"Oh. Are you?"

"No…. Is that bad?"

"Oh. Well….how many people have you been with?" small number, not so bad; big number, very bad.

"Just two…so…is that bad?" Two people. He's given himself to two people. I suddenly felt insecure. They had a part of him that I didn't; maybe I'd never be able to give myself to him that completely. He must have read my thoughts; he put my face in his hands.

"Bella. They don't matter, trust me. If and when it's time for us, you will be the only one that fucking matters. You  _are_  the only one that matters. " I nodded again and put my head back on his chest.

"Do you want to ask me something? It's only fair." I think he felt guilty.

"Why are you grounded?" That's a question that has been gnawing at the back of my mind for some time.

"Shit. I got into a fight at school and got suspended."

"You what?" I shot up again. "When did this happen? With who? Why?"

"The day before you…the day before I took you to the meadow. Mike Newton and I…we sorta have a history. He was saying some fucked up shit. I was going to walk away but he threw the first punch. He's an ass; promise me you will stay the fuck away from him."

"Of course. I hate that kid." Ew...Mike Newton, AssMagnet. "What was he saying?"

"He was saying some very nasty things…about you"

"Me? You got into a fight over me?"

"Yeah…sorta." Me…he got into a fight with Mike Newton over me. After I had pushed him away, before the day in the meadow when he saved me, before he even knew if I wanted him around; he was defending my honor. I hid my face so they he couldn't see my blushing. I was actually flattered.

"Well, then…thank you." I giggled. I briefly wondered if a curtsy was in order.

"I love hearing you laugh." He kissed the top of my head, our hands intertwined again and I started to yawn. "Tired? Do you want me to sing to you again?"

"If you want to, I just want you to stay. Will you actually sleep tonight? The door is locked, and I hid his key." Charlie never just comes in anyway. He probably won't even know it's locked.

"Yes. I'll stay as long as you need me to. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be. "

"Good." I got up, turned out the light and made him get under the covers. I curled against his body with my head back on his chest and my right leg entwined between his. He pulled my face to his and kissed me, softly.

"Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight Edward." I still had moments when I almost felt like I was being unfaithful to Jacob but my mind always went back to the dream… _No, Thank you for loving me so much. Now move on and be happy, love is waiting for you._ I closed my eyes and my brain automatically said goodnight to Jacob as well. I smiled, knowing that even if I had said it out loud, Edward would have understood.


	19. Chapter 19

**BELLA**

Waking up next to Edward two days in a row was almost too good to be true. This time I work up before he did, so I decided to take the moment to watch him sleep. He was still holding me with one arm and the other was flung above his head. One leg was dangling off the off the bed, while my leg was still wrapped around the other one. Awkward positions, but still comfy.

As I watched his chest rise and fall, I was surprised at how relaxed I felt. Content. I never in a million years guessed the day I had been dreading for an entire year would pass by and I would survive it….let alone feel content. I could do this. I WOULD do this, for Edward, with Edward.

I glanced at the clock; it was about time for Charlie to wake up. Even after going past his beer limit, he wouldn't' be late for work. I had to wake Edward in case Charlie wanted to be nosy. I ran my hand along his face, down his neck and stopped at his chest to gently shake him. It had no effect. I shook him a little harder.

"Edward." I whispered. "Wake up." He put his arm over his eyes and mumbled something completely unintelligible. "Edward." I said a little louder this time.

"Fuck off, Ally." He mumbled again. Ally? Who the fuck was Ally? My temper started to rise at the thought of him recently waking up next to some other girl. I was a second away from kicking his ass out of my bed, when I heard Charlie go into the bathroom and start the shower. I knew I couldn't make a ton of noise while venting my anger, so I decided to do the next best thing, prove that I was better than whoever this Ally person was. It was completely irrational, but I didn't care. All I knew was I needed Edward to be  _mine_. I believe they call this bitch jealousy and I was clairvoyant today. Funny what that will make you do.

I pulled myself up so that I was level with his face, and I swung my leg so that I was straddling him. I pressed my lips hard against his, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He seemed startled at first, but as my anger pushed me forward with the kiss; he gradually woke up and began kissing me with the same passion. His arms wrapped around me, one hand moving to back of my neck and the other one on my hip. Our breathing quickened together and he moved his hands to my shoulders, then down my arms, pulling them from their position propping me up, and I fell against him. The current that ran between us was building and my anger was dissipating into lust. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. Edward's hands started rubbing my sides, moving slowly from below my breasts to my hips and back again. I adjusted my legs, so that I lying completely against him. He groaned, and flipped me over onto my back without even breaking the kiss. He pressed himself against me and I wrapped my legs around his hips. Edward's lips left mine. I started to protest but then felt the sensation of them traveling down my neck, stopping at my collarbone. He gave the hollow a little lick and I moaned softly. I tightened my legs around him and I could feel he was enjoying this wake-up call…very much so. His mouth was on mine again, groaning again as he pulsed himself against me. I could feel the tension forming in my stomach, but it wasn't until his hands were under my shirt, grazing my breasts, that the alarm bells started going off on my head.  _Too fast, too fast!_

"Wait…stop." I whispered into his lips. He stopped immediately, removing his hands, and putting his face into my neck. We were both breathing heavily. He rolled over so he was more on my side.

"Shit, Bella. I'm sorry." He said into my neck. "I shouldn't have done that." He looked up at me, "You really know how to wake a guy up. I'm so used to Alice waking me with her annoying happy-ass shit….." Wait…Alice waking him? Oh snap.

"Do you sometimes call her Ally?"

"Only to piss her off; she hates that name. Why?" Goddamnit.

"I'm an idiot." I started blushing. "You said 'fuck off Ally' when I tried to wake you and I thought…I thought you were talking about another girl." I covered my eyes with my arm, totally embarrassed that I had jumped to the worst possible scenario. Only now did I vaguely remember Alice telling me she liked to wake her brother in annoying ways. I peaked down at Edward and he was biting his lip to keep from laughing.

"Well fuck…if that's what you do when you're jealous, maybe I should start saying other girl's names more often." I faked a scowl at him.

"That's not funny." well, it was kinda funny but I wasn't going to let it be at my expense.

"Ok. Not funny." He matched my fake scowl, then leaned up and kissed my nose. "But it was hot." Kiss on my cheek. "Sexy." Kiss on my chin. "You're a very good kisser." Kiss on my lips. He pulled back slightly then came back again for a kiss on the lips. It was a short, sweet little kiss that put a smile on my face. "I'm sorry again that I got carried away. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"You are too sweet for me. I don't deserve all this niceness." Seriously…you should have told me to fuck off a week ago. "I could still crumble."

"And I'll be there to put the pieces back together again." He brushed his fingers along my cheek. "I wasn't exactly nice to you when we first met…so I guess I'm making up for it now. You deserve it." He came in for another kiss; it was quickly on its way to becoming another passion party, when there was a knock on the door.

"Bells? You up yet?" Shit, I had been so engrossed with making out with Edward; I didn't hear the shower turn off. Edward froze; he had a panicked look on his face.

"Yes." My voice cracked, I cleared my throat and started again. "Yeah, dad. I'm up."

"Are you coming down for breakfast?" that was dad code for 'are you going to fix me breakfast or am I fending for myself?' I had to think quickly.

"Umm…actually I was going to stay in bed a little longer. Too much Chinese food last night." How embarrassing to say in front of Edward. He hid his face in the pillow; I could see his shoulders shaking from laughter. I started blushing again.

"Bella, do you want me to call the doctor? You were sick yesterday morning too. You might be coming down with something."

"No. I'm sure I'll be fine. Sorry to leave you in the lurch for breakfast. I'll call you at work later to let you know how I'm doing." …Please go away. Please!

"Well…ok." He sounded unsure. "I'll talk to you later then." He left my door and I heard him walk down the stairs. Edward was still laughing into the pillow. I shoved him on the shoulder.

"That was close."

"Yeah… If I'm going to stay here again, you need to come up with some better fucking excuses. A person can only use gas as an excuse for so long before it appears to be a more serious medical issue." Edward was snickering as he said it; for once his face was as red as mine.

"I'll talk to Alice, I'm sure she'll be able to give me some." We waited until we heard Charlie's cruiser pull away, and then Edward and I took turns using the bathroom. We stood in my room in an awkward silence. Neither one of us wanted our time together to end.

"Are you hungry?" He had to be hungry; I think I heard his stomach growl a little while ago.

"Um…yeah. A little."

"I'll cook for you." He seemed a little shocked at the idea, but I grabbed his hand and led him downstairs. I opened the kitchen window so I could hear any cars coming, and locked the rarely used dead bolt that could only be unlocked from inside. Charlie would be confused if he came home and found it locked, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Edward followed me around the kitchen, looking lost in my house; which was absurd because his house was five times bigger than mine. I fixed him a bacon, cheese and mushroom omelet, with hash browns. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder while I cooked. Everything felt so right. I was so happy I couldn't have faked being unhappy if I tried; which was really saying something considering all the acting practice I had over the last year.

He devoured everything, only stopping to complement my cooking the way only Edward could, expletives and all. I enjoyed it, I felt like I was finally starting to repay his kindness. After breakfast we went back to my room, cuddling in my bed and talking about random things, until Emmett called him, saying that Carlisle was looking for him. We didn't move from each other until absolutely necessary, he crawled out the window with a kiss and a promise to come back that night.

Once again, Rose jumped out of Emmett's Jeep and Edward took her spot. Alice and Rose were spending the day with me, everyone was eager to make sure that the glue that had kept me intact didn't fail without Edward. I could understand their logic; I missed Edward like I would miss a limb. I still felt his arms around my waist and his lips on my neck. Several times the girls caught me blushing and they shared a knowing look.

Charlie came home, completely ecstatic that I was not, for the second night in a row, crying alone in my bed. Alice and Rose started their "innocent" flirting, probably working on another plan that I would be let in on later. I was sure it would involve getting me out of the house for more than an afternoon; they were really laying it on thick. Charlie begged them to stay for dinner again and they relented. I made us all spaghetti and meatballs, and started handing my dad beers halfway through dinner. I felt a little bad that I was getting my dad drunk so my boyfriend could sneak in the house, but the thought of being in Edwards arms made the guilt melt away. Having Edward next to me at night was helping me be Happy Bella, and she is what Charlie really wanted. The end justified the means.

After the girls left and Charlie went to bed, I unlocked my window and took a shower. I was lost in my own little world fantasizing about Edward when I realized I'd left my pj's on my bed. So I wrapped myself in a towel and went to my room. I opened my door and reached in to grab them.

"Oh fucking hell-o" I jumped and nearly dropped my towel. I looked up to see Edward was just now crawling in the window. His eyes were as big as saucers, glancing over me in the barely there towel.

"Um…Bells…." He seemed at a loss for words. I didn't know what to do, I was blushing like crazy, but there was something holding me in my spot. My mind couldn't decide whether to rush to the pajamas and run out or bolt to the door without them. He finished his climb into the window and was standing in front of me before I knew what had happened. I leaned against the wall, feeling his breath on me.

"Holy shit Bella." He whispered into my ear. "You really know how to make a guy feel fucking welcome." His body pushed mine against the wall, placing one hand on the bare small of my back and the other on my naked thigh just below where the towel stopped. It was like we were being pulled together by magnets; our hips were pressed against each other. I put my hands on the back of his neck, pulling his lips to mine. Our tongues started to exploring; mouth, neck, shoulder. His hand started rubbing my thigh in small circles. I couldn't believe how much I  _wanted_  him. Wanted to be a part of him, him a part of me. He pressed himself against me even more and I could feel him growing hard. I had to force myself to break off the kiss.

"Edward…too fast." He pulled away, and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I just saw you…with your wet hair, in that towel and reacted. You look…fucking hot." He reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing it. "I should have controlled myself. My bad."

"Let me get dressed. I'll be right back." I grabbed my pj's and went into the bathroom to get dressed. I brushed all the tangles out of my hair, still blushing from the kiss. Edward was lying on my bed under the covers when I returned. He held his arms out to me; I locked the door and practically leaped to him. I cuddled up next to him under the covers. My head against his shoulder and my legs intertwined with his. "I'm sorry, about earlier. I don't mean to be a tease."

"It's ok, love. You aren't a tease. We can go slow; I'm not in any rush."

"You're too good to me."

"Yeah…you're right. I am." He laughed.

"Well, maybe we should back off on the kissing…..I wouldn't want you to get a case of monstrous blue-balls or something from daily unsatisfied make-out sessions." I teased.

"Are you kidding? I'd take scrotal elephantitis for your kisses." He leaned over and planted a sweet sexy kiss on my lips; too long for just sweet and but not quite sexually charged.

"Haha." I said mockingly while I snuggled closer and yawned. My eyelids were starting to droop. Something about being close to Edward this way and his beautiful smell made me want to sleep. I think it's because he keeps all the bad thoughts away and I can just rest.

"Did you ask Alice for a good excuse to give Charlie in the morning?" Leave it to Edward to think ahead. I was always so eager for him to be with me at night that I didn't think about the morning.

"Damnit. I knew I forgot something. I might have to actually leave the room tomorrow morning. You willing to hide in the closet again?"

"I suppose. As long as you promise to cook me some breakfast. Your cooking rivals Esme's"

"It's a deal." I gave him a handshake and he pulled me in for another kiss.

"So… can I take you on that date now?" Wow, that was a long ago reference. It seemed like that was a hundred years ago.

"Alice is already got it all planned out, doesn't she?" I remembered the flirting that was going on earlier.

"Umm…maybe?"

"Don't you think going on a date is a little backwards? I mean, we're already sleeping together." I said jokingly.

"Haha. I would like to get to be with you out of the fucking house. Not that I mind being locked up in a bedroom with you, but it makes it more official."

"Well, since Alice already has it planned. I guess I just can't say no." Not that I would anyway, not in a million frickin' years would I turn down time with Edward. Although the 'making it more official' part was a bit scary.

"Well you could… but I really don't want you to."

"Then, yes, Edward. I'd love to."

"Sweet. Now, go to sleep. You need your rest for the breakfast you're going to fix me." He laughed as he kissed the top of my head. "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight, Edward."

**_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_ **

It was two weeks before everything worked out for our date. s. Edward and I decided that spending the night together on school nights would be too difficult and a risk neither one of us wanted to take. If Charlie somehow even suspected what was going on, well, I could kiss my Edward time goodbye and say hello to tether city. I would miss my freedom but I couldn't stand to be without my Edward. I missed him horribly even now, especially at night when I'd roll over and smell him on my pillow from the weekend. We worked it out so that on school nights, I would actually use my cell, and he would call me from Alice's phone; just in case Charlie was to check the phone calls. He would stay on the phone every night and sing to me until I started drifting off.

At school, we had to keep a low profile. He would sit in his usual spot across from me at the lunch table, with our feet touching. Our walks to biology resumed, not touching, but close enough to feel each other. We'd only hold hands in class when we were sure no one was watching. Occasionally we would touch our knees together. His right and my left, just enough to let the other one know they wished it was more but not enough to look anything more than accidental.

It was amazing, being with Edward…and the others. Even though I enjoyed my time with them before, it was even better now that I was actually happy and not on the verge of a mental breakdown at any second. The only damper was the fact that everyday Jessica got bitchier and bitchier towards me. She even shoulder checked me one day in the halls. I thought back to the day Edward took me to the meadow, and remembered the confrontation between her and Rose. Of course Rose wasn't with me when she shoulder checked me, I was alone. I don't think Jessica had a death wish just a bitch complex. I tried to ask Alice about it, but she would politely brush me off every time.

"It's just a really long story Bells." She would say. "You need to talk to Edward about it." Of course, the few times I actually got to be alone with Edward, Jessica and the bitch-stick up her ass was the last thing on my mind.

Every day after school, Emmett would come over to work on the truck, and now Rose and Alice would come too. Alice and I would sit on the porch, while Emmett, Rose and Charlie attempted to make my truck run like new. The first time my dad saw Rose get under the hood, his eyes about popped out of his head. I felt bad for Alice that Jasper never came over, but he spent this time keeping Edward company. Emmett started to loosen up around my dad, and I was once again referred to as Jelly Belly.

Charlie was delighted that my good spirits remained even after the others left. He didn't know how to act; he just walked around that house with a huge grin on his face. I still had my bad moments, usually during the lonely stretch of time between when everyone left and when Edward would call. I would be getting something out of my dresser, and my eyes would flit over the jewelry box. Or I would be flipping through the channels and see something that reminded me of Jacob. I would feel the ball in my stomach, but I would remember Edward's voice, and it lessened more each time.

Finally the weekend arrived. I waited anxiously, thanking the Gods for Friday. My whole body tensed with anticipation as the curtains billowed with the gust of air as Edward crawled in my window. We didn't speak. He just sprinted across my room and we snuggled under the covers, not willing to move an inch from one another. Our passion was contained but just barely. I didn't bother to come up with any excuses to give to Charlie. Instead, I put a pillow, a stack of books, and a book light in my closet as a joke. Edward thought it was hilarious. So on Saturday and Sunday mornings I would fix Charlie his breakfast, making much more than necessary, and as he was scarfing it down I'd bring Edward's up to him. He always ate like a man half starved.

The second week, Charlie started coming home late, leaving Emmett and Rose to work on the truck alone. He enjoyed his time with Emmett, but he also had been giving up a lot of his free time for me. It wasn't until Wednesday night that Rose finally approached Charlie.

"Chief Swan, would it be alright it Bella spent night at my house on Friday? Alice and I had a slumber party planned." Rose cocked her head to the side and bit her lip; waiting for his response. The wind picked up and blew her wavy golden locks all around her face. Without skipping a beat, Rose brushed them aside in a very supermodel-sexy maneuver. No wonder guys fell all over her. The girl had skills, even the frickin wind seemed to be at her beck and call. "You could talk to my mom if necessary."

"Well…I guess it would be alright." Clearly dazzled by her beauty and her extensive knowledge of cars. I walked everyone out to their cars shortly after that.

"Rose, I'm not really spending the night at your house am I?"

"Nope."

"What if Charlie actually calls your mom?"

"She doesn't pay attention, she'll just agree to whatever he says." She shrugged.

"So…where will I be sleeping that night?"

"My house." Alice blurted out. "It's all planned. Carlisle is going to some medical conference in LA that weekend and Esme is going with him. Rose and Jazz will be spending the night too."

"Oh." I was suddenly very nervous. It was one thing for us to spend the night together while my dad was down the hall, but for us to be together, with no worries of being caught or interrupted…that was a whole other story.

"Don't worry Bells. Edward would never pressure you. Plus, I'll be right next door. Jazz will understand if he gets booted to the couch." Alice smiled. It made me feel slightly less distressed; knowing that Alice and the others would be close by. When Edward called that night, I avoided the subject completely. He knew that Rose had asked, and I was given permission, but he thankfully picked up on the fact that I was nervous.

By Friday afternoon, I was a nervous wreck. Edward and I hadn't discussed the date at all; it was supposed to be a surprise. To make matters worse, I cut myself on a scalpel in Bio, tripped in gym, and Jessica walked past me after school and spilled, or dumped, Coke on my jeans. I thought Rose was going to kill her, but the principal was within eyesight as planned I'm sure, so Jessica just walked away laughing. I made a promise to myself to ask Edward what the hell crawled up her ass, besides Mike, after our date.

I somehow managed to follow Rose the speed demon to the Cullen's house. Carlisle and Esme were already gone for the weekend, so Rose walked right in with her overnight bag. She dropped it off at Emmett's room and we went over to Alice's room. She was already waiting for us, Rose's makeup toolbox was open on the dresser and there were about a dozen outfits on the bed.

"Ready?" Now there's the question of the evening, isn't it?

"Where's Edward?"

"He's busy with Jazz and Em."

"Oh... Don't you think it's a little early to be getting ready for a date?" What time is it, like 4:30? Are we going to Chuck E. Cheese with a 9:00 closing time? What the hell did they have planned anyway?

"Nope." They said in unison. "We have a lot of work to do." Alice continued. They made me take a shower in Alice's bathroom, even though I tried to explain I had already showered that morning. When that was over, I had to sit completely still while they blow dried and straightened my hair. After the makeup was expertly applied, it was time to choose the clothes.

I was forced to play runway model for over an hour. Alice thought it would be funny to turn on techno music and make my catwalk around her room. Finally, after much torture, I was dressed in a black top from bebe, and a pair of Lucky Brand bell bottoms. Rose made sure to point out the labels, not that any of it meant a darn thing to me. I drew the line at heels; when I told them I would be sticking to my Docs, Rose looked at me like I just announced werewolves were real.

"Are you serious? You are going to wear those ratty old shoes with these clothes?"

"Yes."

"The hell you are."

"Rose, it's not like Edward is going to be looking at my feet." Alice laughed, and Rose softened.

"That is so very true."

"Where did you guys gets these clothes anyways? Neither one of you is my size." Alice barely hit my chin and Rose was supermodel tall.

"Um…well…since Edward has been hiding out in your closet, we had him check your sizes…and…we sorta…bought them." Alice said timidly.

"You  _bought_  these? For me?" This was a joke, right? I wasn't big into fashion, but I knew these labels thanks to Rose and they aren't cheap.

"Don't get mad, we are taking back all the other outfits. It's an early Christmas gift." Before I could say anything, there was a knock on the door.

"May I escort the lady downstairs?" Jasper asked in a really fake British accent from the other side. The girls did one last check, and pushed me out the door. I took Jasper's arm and he walked me down the steps. Edward was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, holding a white lily. He was wearing a fitted black Green Day shirt, another pair of low hung jeans and my favorite crooked grin. My heart skipped a beat and I think I might have drooled just the tiniest bit. He held out his hand to me; I took it and he drew me close to him.

"You look beautiful." He whispered in my ear. I looked into his eyes, and forgot all the reasons I had to be nervous. This was Edward, what did I have to worry about? This is what we were meant to do.

"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself." He laughed before leaning down to kiss me. I let myself fall into the kiss, forgetting that everyone was watching. Emmett cleared his throat when it became apparent we were not going to stop kissing anytime soon. I pulled away, blushing as usual, and took the lily.

"Ok kids. Please have my Jelly Belly home before midnight. No drinking, no smoking. And if you stain the seats in my baby, I will murder you. Well…I'll murder Edward." Emmett sounded almost serious.

"Your baby?"

"Oh, that's part of the surprise. Mommy Rose and Daddy Emmett will be letting us drive the Chevelle tonight."

"Hmm…Mommy Rose, I kind of like the sound of that." He looked over at Rose.

"Great a new role…..I am  _not_  changing your diaper." She rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the grin on her face.

"Ooohh Mommy…. Anyways, please be careful." He pulled the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Edward. "I don't care if you are family. I will rip your fucking leg off and beat you with it if damage it." Edward gave Emmett a fake salute.

"Yes sir. I will have Bella home before midnight, and I will not damage the car." We said goodbye to everyone and Edward walked me to the door, helping me put on my coat. I was grinning like an idiot. His grin wasn't much different. This was official, and it was an important step. No hiding tonight.

The car was amazing; Em and Rose really knew what the hell they were doing. Edward held my door open for me; he was being a perfect gentleman.

"Where are we going?" I asked after he started the car and drove down the driveway.

"Well, I'll tell you that we are going to Port Angeles, but that's it." He reached over and took my hand again. I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. We stayed like that the whole drive; we didn't need to speak. We were quite content with silence, with just simply being close to each other. Car rides always make my sleepy, so I dozed off, but Edward woke me with a kiss.

"Our first stop." I looked out the window and saw a music store. Strait Music, the sign read.

"What are we doing here?" I was totally lost.

"You'll see." He got out, walking around the car to open my door for me. Edward put his arms around my shoulders and led me into the store. It felt a little weird to be so….public, but it was a good weird. I had no problem with anyone thinking I was his girl, save one, and if he caught me like this more than shit would be hitting the fan. The store was empty except for the young guy behind the counter. He had long black hair, and was wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt.

"Cullen! What's up dude?" They did that weird guy handshake over the counter. I never could understand that damn thing. Is it something that is preplanned or do they just do that crap off the top of their heads….and how does the other guy know what to do?

"Hey man. Slow tonight, huh?"

"Yeah. Most people don't hang at a music store on a Friday night. So, is this the lucky girl?"

"Yes. Bella, this is Jesse. Jesse, Bella." He shook my hand the normal way, and I saw tattoos going all the way up his arm.

"Hi. So…um why am I the lucky girl?"

"Because of this." He knelt below the counter and pulled out a black guitar. Jesse set it on the counter, I looked up at Edward, who smiled and nodded his head toward the guitar. I took a step closer and saw the guitar had my name engraved along the edge, with a blooming lily next to it.

"You…got me a guitar?" He was kidding, right? New clothes and a new guitar, it was too much. I was going to have to have a serious talk with the Cullen kids, someday...when Edward wasn't giving me that smile that makes my heart flutter.

"Yes. I'm going to teach you to play, and I wanted to start you out on something easy. Plus, I'm picking up a new guitar for myself. I thought it would be more fun if we could do it together."

"But…I have no musical ability. I can't sing, I can't even read music."

"That's ok. You can't sound any worse than Em, and you don't need to sing to play guitar. I can be very patient and we have all the time in the world, right?"

"Yes." I blushed, thinking about us together forever. "Can I see your guitar?" he nodded.

"Jesse?" Jesse knelt below the counter again and set a silver guitar on the counter.

"Wow."

"It's an Epiphone Limited Edition Les Paul. Silverburst." Edward said proudly. I took a closer look and it wasn't really silver; it was more of a mother-of-pearl color, with chrome.

"It's amazing. What kind of guitar is mine?"

"An Epiphone DR-100. Think of it as my guitar's baby." He handed me my guitar and shook Jesse's hand again. "Thanks man. We're gonna go to the lesson room."

"No prob man. Nice to meet you Bella."

"Nice to meet you too." I followed Edward, somewhat in a daze, to the back of the store into a small room with two chairs. He spent the next hour trying to get me to learn basic cords. I tried repeating what he did. His notes sounded beautiful and musical. My notes sounded like someone was violating a sick cat…not very musical. Eventually, he sat me on his lap, and put his hands over mine to better control my fingers. I liked this way much better, even if it didn't make much difference in the way my playing sounded. I leaned back into his shoulder and kissed his neck.

"I told you I suck." Apparently I could play guitar about as well as I could play volley ball. I just hope nobody gets a black eye this time.

"You'll get better."

I kissed his neck again and he put the guitar on the floor and turned me around in his lap so that I was facing him. He took my face in his hands and softly kissed me. I didn't want to stop, but he pulled away. "Time to go to our next destination." I pouted, but got off his lap and let him take me back out to the car. He opened the trunk, and showed me that I even had my own case. It was purple and was also engraved with my name. We hopped into the car, cuddling in the front seat as we drove to our next stop, which turned out to be Baskin Robbins.

"What's your favorite ice cream?" He asked as he parked the car.

"Rocky Road."

"Ok, I'll be right back." He jumped out of the car and about ten minutes later came back out with two huge cones. He motioned for me to roll down my window. "Can you hold these please?"

"Isn't this is against Emmett's car rules?"

"Technically, but we won't be eating them in the car." He hopped in and we drove off. We didn't go very far before he turned into empty drive in theater. It looked old and run down. Again, I was confused, but I didn't ask. Edward stopped the car and pulled out some blankets from the backseat. He got out and laid them on the hood of the car. He came around and opened my door, taking the ice cream.

"Sit on the hood please, love." I went along with the instructions, and sat on the hood, Edward climb up behind me. He handed me my ice cream and wrapped a blanket around us both.

"Are you going to fill me in?"

"Alice, Em, and I used to come here with Carlisle and Esme after we first moved here. They used to show really old movies, like  _Rear Window_  and  _Arsenic and Old Lace_. We would come dressed in our pj's and eat tons of popcorn and candy. They are tearing it down in a few days, and I kind of wanted to say goodbye. Some of the first happy memories I had after I lost my parents were made right here." I didn't know what to say. "We're going to make new happy memories, right love?"

"Yes, Edward. I think this will be one of them." I leaned into him and we ate our ice cream. New happy memories.


	20. Chapter 20

**EDWARD**

I woke up but didn't open my eyes. I didn't want it to go away, if it was a dream. I didn't want to look over and find Bella not there. I adjusted myself a bit so I could feel if her body was really there or if my imagination was just getting the better of me. I sighed and smiled when I felt the heat and pressure of her body on my side. I pulled her closer and heard a sweet sigh escape her lips. I was quite sure she was still sleeping; her breaths were deep and even. I laid there for a few minutes just enjoying holding her. I began stroking her hair, her back, and her sides. Anything I could touch without jostling her too much. I didn't want to wake her. I just wanted to feel her, touch her, and know that she was real and next to me. Laying there I started to think about other places I'd like to touch. Places I have wanted to touch since the first day she came to my house. But I wouldn't. I'd never push her farther than she wanted to go. Too far, too fast would not end well for My Bella and I'd never be able to live with myself if I was the cause for that. I turned a little more onto my side so I could face her. She was so beautiful laying there, dreaming of me I hoped. My stomach started to churn when my mind went to other things she might be dreaming about. Jacob. I wasn't jealous exactly. I told her before that I would never try to replace him and I meant it. But I was filled with anxiety over whether or not I'd ever even get close to standing next to him in her heart. What if I was always just filler, a surrogate? Could I live with never having a piece of her heart to call my own? I began to feel an ache deep inside. I wanted my own piece of Bella's heart more than I had ever wanted anything in the whole world. I would have to think of something to help her put Jacob to rest, to open her heart up for new love. Love just as profound, if not more, than what she had with him… my love. I laid there making plans in my head of all the ways I would make claim to Bella's heart. Ways I could make new memories with her that would overshadow those she clung to with Jacob. I didn't want her to forget them, just put them away in a box, like the locket. I wanted to be the one she yearned for, called for, wanted. I wanted her to love me…like I loved her. I took a deep breath and resigned myself to relishing the moment I was in, holding Bella.

I heard someone calling my name but didn't want to acknowledge it. They were fucking up my fantasy and I was still far enough asleep for the dream to pull me under easily. There was a moment of peace then they were at it again. I assumed it was Alice, since it was always Alice fuckin' up my dreams at the ass-crack of dawn.

"Fuck off, Ally!" It was the one thing I knew irritated the shit out of her, calling her Ally, drove her fucking nuts. Served her right. Maybe she should learn how to leave a mother fucker alone.

I was just drifting nicely back into my dreams of Bella when I felt someone crawl on top of me. I reached up to throw Alice the fuck off of me. What the hell was she thinking? My sister was the LAST person I wanted crawling up on me while I was sporting a serious morning wood. Ugh, fucking Gross.

I opened my eyes just as my hands reached her hips, ready to toss her ass across the room, but I stopped. Thankfully my brain registered that it was Bella straddled on top of me, and she was coming in for a kiss. I kissed her back like I did every morning, except it didn't take long to figure out that this was no ordinary kiss. I'd never seen Bella this way, almost ravenous. She kissed my mouth, my neck, I thought I was going to blow a load when she took my earlobe in her teeth and gave it a little bite. My hands were exploring her more urgently now. I really wanted to cup her perfect breasts in my hands, squeeze them, rub them….lick them. But I settled with getting a sideways glance as I trailed my hands up and down her rib cage. I felt her rock her hips against me and I nearly lost it. I pulled her arms out from under her so her body was flat on top of mine. I felt a surge of sexually charged electricity flowing between us. She flattened her body against me and I could feel her on every inch of my body…and especially on several select inches just below my waistband. I wanted to feel her deeper, more pressure. I held on to her and rolled over so  _I_  could control the pressure. She didn't seem to mind. She reached up and pulled me into her kiss and wrapped her legs around my hips pulling me closer there too. It took every bit of my self-control to not rip her clothes off and take her completely right there. My dick was throbbing trying to break free of the constraints of my jean's zipper. Instead I steadied myself and kissed her neck, her collar bone. She has the sexiest fucking collar bones. It wasn't really a part I even noticed on anyone else but hers stuck out a bit with just the right amount of softness around them to make it so fucking sexy I couldn't help but lick them. She let out a little moan when I did and I wanted her so bad at that moment I had to mentally restrain myself; I allowed myself a small push into her when what I really wanted to do was fuck the shit out of her. I wanted to make her moan my name and come so hard she felt aftershocks for a week. I wanted her to feel me inside her so completely that she'd never feel apart from me ever again. I wanted to know her smell, her taste, every detail of her most intimate places. I didn't know how Bella would take to that though. I didn't want to push. I wanted her but only if she wanted me too. I decided to test the limit a bit. I reached up and gently brushed my hand across her nipple. It was hard; apparently she was into this too. I was getting ready to adjust myself so I could take it into my mouth when she stopped me in my tracks.

"Wait…stop." It was all she had to say. I had pushed the boundary and crossed the line. My hormones had gotten the best of me and I was the epitome of a fucking hormone jockey. I felt a bit ashamed of myself. Self-control around Bella was so hard. I wanted her physically more than anyone I had ever known. But first and foremost I wanted her emotionally and I was putting that at risk with my careless fuck-mindedness.

I made a vow silently to myself, and to Bella, to always put her emotions first and let my heart do the thinking for me instead of my dick. It was going to be hard, in both senses of the word, but she's worth it.

We had a little moment of cute couple stuff before Charlie interrupted, and Bella's excuse of being gassy from the Chinese food last night to get him to go away had me laughing so fucking hard, I was sure we were going to get busted. She was too fucking cute. I was half tempted to rip a big fucking man-fart just to convince him. I had second thoughts though when I imagined Charlie rushing in to see if Bella had exploded. After her dad left Bella surprised me with cooking me breakfast, and that is one mental image I will never forget. It was a picture perfect moment, her with a huge smile, doing something that she obviously loved. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her, and even though it was fucking girly as hell, I wished in the back of my mind that this would be our future. This was what I recalled, later, on those nights we weren't together. She was a fantastic fucking cook. I would happily gain five hundred pounds just eating her cooking. Mix a little of Aunt Esme's cooking and I'd be like the mom in  _What's Eating Gilbert Grape._ Of course, I told her this, and she did that extra cute thing where she bites her bottom lip while she blushes. When she did that, the only thing that fucking stopped me from jumping across the table and taking her right there was that fact that I might spill the food.

I refused to leave her side unless absolutely necessary, and that time came when Emmett called me to warn me Carlisle was looking for me. He'd cover for me, but I had to leave.

"I'll be back tonight, love." It was hard as fuck to climb out that window. I rubbed my thumb across her cheek and she turned her face into my palm and kissed it. "I promise." I had no idea why Carlisle was looking for me, but no matter what I was going to be in this fucking bedroom tonight, with my Bella. I kissed her forehead and left her in the hands of my sister and Rose. They would take care of her.

"I told Carlisle you went for a walk in the woods to think about Bella." Emmet informed me as I hopped in the Jeep.

"You came up with that?" It seemed pretty deep coming from him.

"Haha….ok, Rose may have helped. Anyways, he sent me to look for you. I'm pretty sure Aunt Esme is aware you've been sneaking out the past few nights, but I don't think she ratted us out." The rest of the ride home was silent. Carlisle was wearing his neutral face when we got home, which he has perfected after years of giving people bad news.

"Edward, can I speak to you in my office, please?" I followed him, and to my surprise he sat on the couch instead of behind his desk. I sat next to him. "You and Bella are together now, aren't you?"

"Um, well…uh." How the fuck did he know?

"A little bird told me." A little bird, that usually translates to Alice.

'Oh, well then, yeah. I guess we are together."

"Would you like for me to talk to her father?"

"Not yet. Let's make sure….it lasts." Bella could break at any moment; she could always change her mind about us. Though I would gladly take a royal ass kicking for her, I didn't feel the need to alert the authorities just yet. Plus I wanted us to keep having our cute little couple time.

"Alright... You're still grounded you know."

"Yes sir." You could lock me in the basement and I bet I'd find a way to get to Bella. He excused me after that, and I went to my room. I tried a million different things to pass the time and none of them worked. Since I was grounded, that meant Jazz couldn't come over, and Emmett was busy with his Chevelle. I still wanted to get behind the wheel of that thing, hopefully with Bella next to me.

Alice and Rose ate dinner with Bella again. Which made the time go even slower, at least with Alice around her energy seems to speed up time. I was nearly losing my fucking mind so I started texting Alice. She finally texted me back, telling me she was on her way, I about jumped for fucking joy. I climbed off the balcony and down the trellis. Rose got out of Alice's car and climbed up as I took her spot. How that chick made it up in heels was fucking beyond me. I had a horrible feeling that the sneaking around was going to be ended someday by her falling and breaking something; either her ass, God forbid Emmett will lose his mind, or the patio furniture.

"How was Bella today?" I asked Alice.

"She was….better. She was thinking about you all day, it was hard to miss." That put a huge fucking grin on my face. "Towards the end, she was getting anxious. Bouncing her leg, kinda like you are now." I didn't even realize I was doing it. Alice sighed. "It's kismet."

I said goodnight to Alice as I got out, telling her I would text her when I was ready for her to pick me up. Bella's light was on, which got me excited. She was waiting for me. I made my way up the tree, and managed to get one leg in her room when it happened.

I looked up to see Bella standing in front of me, her hair dripping wet, and a towel barely covering her beautiful fucking body. I could clearly see the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips. I fucking forgot how to breathe. She started blushing, which made the situation even hotter. I was pushing her against the wall before I even realized I'd finished going through the window. I fucking wanted her, now! I don't even remember what I said to her, I just remember touching her naked skin as my tongue moved against hers. I licked and bit her neck, her collarbones, those fucking fabulous collar bones. My lips were on her shoulders, her earlobes, in her hair. My hands were moving of their own volition, feeling her back and her thigh.

She pulled away, telling me we were moving too fast, and my head snapped to attention. Hormone jockey once again. Fuck me. She didn't seem upset, just…nervous. I crawled into her bed and under the covers while I waited for her to get dressed. I was still rock hard. I cursed myself for getting carried away again. Thankfully she didn't seem bothered about the almost wall fucking, she even agreed to the date. When I fell asleep with her in my arms that night, sex was the last night on my mind, it was the image of our time in the kitchen, which I hope to relive over and over, that I relished.

The two weeks until the date went slow as fuck. The fact that I couldn't spend every night with Bella made it twice as bad. We had to play it cool at school, which was kinda hot in a weird way, but it also meant no one knew Bella was mine.

Since she had come out her depression, she walked a little taller in the halls. She no longer hid behind her hair, and she gave off this glow that apparently every fucking male in the school thought was incredibly sexy. All of my classmates were perverted fucking assholes, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. More than once Jazz or Em had to hold me back from beating someone's face in. Where did these guys come up with the shit they were talking about? It was sick. I had probably thought the same shit at one time or another but coming from them it was just fucking wrong.

On the up side, when Newton came back from his suspension, he was still sporting a bruise on his chin. It was yellowing and almost gone, but it was enough of a reminder for him to keep his fucking mouth shut.

I touched Bella every chance I got, it still sent a little jolt through me. I sang her to sleep every night, and spent my down time writing songs for her. Now that I was no longer grounded, Jazz came over after to school to occupy my time while everyone else was at Bella's. It really irritated me that I couldn't be there with them. I wanted to be the one telling dirty jokes and making her laugh. I wanted to eat dinner with her, spend time with her out in the open.

"It'll happen one day man, just be patient. Just focus on the date." Jazz said one day in the music room. Fuck, the date. I had no idea what to do, though I'm sure if I asked, Alice would gladly plan it for me. That didn't feel right though, it had to be special.

It wasn't until I got a call from my friend Jesse that the ideas started rolling in. Jesse was my go to guy for guitars, and I had been waiting on a special order. When he called to tell me that it would be available for pick up the following Friday, I started to dream about playing that guitar for Bella, which, in my fucked up wandering mind, reminded me of a conversation her and Jazz had during lunch one day. Bella expressed a wish to learn a musical instrument, and Jazz told her that if we could teach Em to play drums, we could teach anyone to play anything. The subject was dropped after Em threw a meatball at Jazz's head.

"Hey, Jesse…you think I could add another guitar on to that order?"

"It would have to be something in stock."

"I just need a beginner guitar…for my girlfriend." I got a little fucking thrill out of calling Bella my girlfriend.

"Sure…how about a black Epiphone? "

"That sounds perfect…hey…do you think you could do something else for me?" I wanted to make it special for her, something that could be hers. I told him I wanted her name on it, with a lily next to it. I remember Alice telling me that was Bella's favorite flower.

The rest of the date came together the next day, during breakfast. Esme and Carlisle were reading the paper at the table.

"Oh no! They are tearing down that old drive in theater in Port Angeles!" Esme exclaimed.

"What?" Alice jumped from her seat to read the article. "That's horrible. We had so much fun there."

"Remember when Emmett ate too many milk duds and puked all over the grass?" Everyone laughed.

"HaHa…screw you Edward." Emmett couldn't help grinning through it though.

"Emmett, language!" Esme warned. "They are tearing it down next Monday. Oh, I wish we could go visit it one last time, but we've got that trip to LA." A light bulb went off over my head. That place was really fucking important to me. Alice and I first started to come out of our funk there. I wanted to take my Bella there, share something from my life with her.

I ran my ideas by Alice, who thought it was pretty fucking creative coming from me. I think she was little disappointed that she didn't get to plan the whole thing herself, but she was in charge of sweet talking Charlie and I was also pretty sure that her and Rose had another makeover session in the works. They'd spent all last weekend at the mall while I was with Bella. Emmett and Jasper both pissed and moaned Monday morning about not getting a piece of ass all weekend because they were busy shopping.

The nights without Bella were getting harder and I was fucking relieved for the weekend. We couldn't keep our hands off each other all weekend, not just in a sexual way. Always touching, holding hands, cuddling. Bella decided to be cute and make my own space in her closet. She would bring meals to me up there and I always ate her cooking like it was my last fucking meal. Who knows, if Charlie found me there, it might be.

I still had the fantasy of driving the Chevelle, so after I found out Bella had been given the ok for Friday night, I sucked up my pride and went to Em and Rose. I ended up submitting myself to slavery for a month. I had to be at Rose's beck and call. Em's too, but that shit would be easy.

Bella was nervous about the date, I could tell during our conversations, but I let it go. Talking about it would only make it worse and I didn't want anything to ruin that night. I was anxious too, not nervous, just excited and impatient to be with Bella; outside of her bedroom walls.

Finally, Friday arrived and while Bella was in the house getting ready, I had to listen to Em list the car rules over and over until I could recite them perfectly word for word in correct order.

"No sex in my car. No food, no drinks. You will refill the gas tank. There better not be one fucking mark on or in this car when you bring it home. Do not drive through mud puddles if you can in any way avoid them. If you park in a parking lot then I want three empty parking spaces on each side of the car, you can walk your ass up to the door."

"Yes Em."

"And you better fucking take care of my Jelly Belly."

"You know I will."

"Fine. Let's go." We went inside, and Jazz went upstairs to get Bella. He felt like being a dork and escorting her down the steps. I bought a single white lily for her; I guess I was a bit of a dork too. When she walked down the stairs, she looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her, or anyone else. I could feel the electric pull before she even completed her descent. I felt her nervousness melt away with mine as soon as we touched. I couldn't keep myself from grabbing her up and squeezing her tight. This is what the two of us were fucking meant to do. Bella and I were simply meant to be together.

She was completely surprised that we would be driving the Chevelle. She looked like a kid in a candy shop when the garage door opened and she actually saw the car. It had that kind of effect on most people. It really was fucking awesome. She was quiet on our ride to the music store. I think she actually fell asleep. I kissed the top of her head when I finished parking in fucking Siberia. She sat up, a bit embarrassed I think, and smiled. We went inside to get my guitar and her face was adorable when Jesse handed me hers. I would surprise her every day of her life if I got to see that expression every time. I took her into the lesson room and we spent a good hour in there. It wasn't exactly easy but I enjoyed every fucking second of it. I could tell she was getting a bit frustrated or embarrassed but either way I didn't want her to have any bad feelings on our date so I told her we'd try again later because I had other things planned for her too. She agreed and eagerly followed me out of the store. She was enjoying herself and I was enjoying her.

We stopped and got an ice cream cone just down from the music store. I thought Bella was going to have a heart attack when I brought them back to the car but what Em doesn't know, Em can't beat me for. We ate our ice creams and drove the short distance to the drive-in. We sat on the hood of the Chevelle and talked. I wanted to share the specialness of this place with her, someone so special to me. Bella snuggled against my chest after she finished her ice cream. I wrapped the blanket tighter around us, it was getting pretty fucking cold out, but we were keeping each other fairly warm. There was a full moon and the sky was clear, we could see all the stars. Her pale skin looked absolutely fucking gorgeous in the moonlight.

I felt an overwhelming happiness. I never wanted this moment to end; I wanted to tell her…that I loved her. It was too soon though. It had only been a few weeks; I wanted to make sure that she felt it too. She let out a contented little sighed.

"This is a perfect first date for us." she whispered. It really was. Even though her first guitar lesson had been a little painful on the ears, it was still cute the way she got frustrated and wrinkled her nose.

"I'm glad you enjoying it." I leaned down and kissed the spot on her neck right behind her earlobe. Her breath hitched, and I smiled, realizing I found one of her spots. That was definitely going to be used to my advantage. I nestled my nose against her ear, and went for the spot again, this time giving it a little lick with the tip of my tongue. Bella let out a half sigh half moan, and reached up to tangle her hand in my hair. She pushed me into her neck and I nibbled my way down to her shoulder. I was about to go for the collarbones when I fucking had a rare flash of common sense. I was not about to fool around with my Bella on the hood on a fucking car. That shit was degrading. She seemed disappointed when I pulled away. "No, love. Not on the hood of a car. Not in a car either. You are too good for that." and Emmett would rip my dick off if I left pecker tracks in his car.

She nodded and we went back to watching the stars. When I finally checked the time I realized it was close to 11:30, I really did have to get the car back by midnight or Em might just chase me down.

"Are you ready to go Bella?"

"So soon?" She didn't want it to end either. I chuckled.

"We've been sitting here for almost two hours. We still have all night at home….shit…I mean my house." That was a dangerous little slip, one date and I already had her fucking living with me.

"I like the sound of that." I wasn't sure whether she meant the all night part, or the home part, but at least she didn't seem bothered by the slip. We got into the car; Bella was still wrapped in the blankets cuddled up beside me. I started the drive home. I texted Em, letting him know we were on our way, and I took my time by actually driving the speed limit, savoring the rest of the time we had all alone. Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I rested my hand on her knee. Always touching.

About halfway into the drive, I noticed Bella was shifting around. I snuck a peak at her, and she had that thoughtful expression. I was getting better at reading her, and knew she wanted to ask me something.

"Bella?"

"Edward, I need to ask you…about Jessica." Fucking Jessica, I almost drove the car off the road when that bitch's name was mentioned.

"Why do you need to ask about…her?" I asked through gritted teeth. I tried to remember to calm down; I didn't want to get angry at Bella. It wasn't her fault Jessica was a nasty, skuzzy, dirty rotten bitch.

"Well…that day, with her and Rose, and these past few weeks, she's been really...mean. She dumped pop on me today after school."

"She fucking did what?" My voice was louder than I intended. How dare that fucking bitch go after Bella. "Why didn't you tell me this? Or tell Rose?"

"Rose was there, but Mr. Wagner was watching and Jessica just walked away." Bella was biting her lip, normally this would have been sexy, but now she kind of looked like a scared little girl. "Is there something I should know…or be worried about?" Shit! How the fuck was I supposed to explain this, and  _not_  make myself look like a total ass. I might as well just let it out and hope for the best.

"Jessica and I…well…we were…sorta together for awhile."

"What?" she shot herself away from me and to the other side of the seat. "You dated…Jessica?" Her eyes started tearing up. God, please don't let her cry. "She's one of the two, isn't she?" Fuck…I pounded the steering wheel with my palm.

"Yes."

"Oh. My. God." She turned in her seat and stared out the window. I couldn't see her expression and that worried the shit out of me. She was hiding again…pulling away.

"No…you have to understand. Shit…I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you anything you want to know, just please don't fucking pull away from me."

"Charlie…hates you…and he doesn't like Jessica. You dated Jessica,  _slept_  with her. You, Rose, Alice…you all hate Jessica too." She wasn't asking questions, more like piecing the facts together out loud. She still wasn't looking at me. I could feel my chest tighten, worried that what she wanted to know would scare her away for good. Bell took a deep breath. "Tell me Edward. I told you everything. Now it's your turn."

"Alright…yes, I was with Jessica, but it wasn't really…dating." I paused for a minute, trying to figure out where to begin. I decided it would be best to start where the whole mess fucking started, the mess with Jessica, with Charlie, the reason half the school thought I was a psychotic nut...with Tanya. "I had this girlfriend, before Jessica, that I loved very much. My first love you might say. I thought she loved me too, but she was just using me. We dated for a little over a year; she was the first...of the two." Bella was gazing out the window, turned away from me. I wanted to spare her the dirty details, so I skipped ahead. "We were all at this party; it was an after party for Homecoming, at Tyler Crowley's house. I didn't really want to go, but Tanya talked me into it. Em and Rose were there, Alice and Jazz. Tanya was trashed after twenty minutes, which was typical. Em was doing keg stands, and I had been doing shots with Jazz. It took me awhile to realize Tanya wasn't around. I didn't think anything about it at first; she was always running off with her sister, Kate. I really had to take a piss, but the line was fucking huge of course. So I went outside. People were everywhere, almost the whole school was at this party. Tyler lives out in the woods, but his house is surrounded by an open field. It was jammed packed with cars. I went to the edge of the field, to…you know. I could hear people having sex in one of the cars as I passed but didn't think anything of it, it was a party. When I was finished, I started walking back, and the car door opened…and Tanya got out." I stopped, remembering the feeling I had when I saw her get out of that car, pulling her dress back up around her shoulders and down around her ass. It felt like the ground had opened up under my feet. She didn't even have the decency to finish getting dressed inside the car. Bella was biting her lip again.

"I couldn't move, at first I was convinced that it was just fucking beer-goggles, I was seeing things. There was no way Tanya would be fucking some random guy in the backseat of a car. She kissed the guy and started walking back up to the house, alone. Eventually I was able to get my act together and I followed her. She was going behind the house to the tiered deck. She had stumbled up the first flight of stairs before I caught up to her. Before she started going up to the second level, I reached out and grabbed her shoulder. I started yelling at her. Asking her what the fuck was going on. At first…she denied it…but the more upset I got…" Now I was biting my lip, shaking my head at the memory. "She fucking laughed at me. Laughed right in my face. She told me she'd been cheating on me for months because I couldn't give her enough of what she wanted. She went up the steps, laughing the whole way. I followed her, trying to understand what the hell was going on. By the time she reached the top level people were staring at us through the sliding glass door which had been open the whole time. They could hear everything. I ran in front of her and blocked her way into the house; I didn't want to do this in front of the whole school. I shut the door and quietly begged her to talk to me. She just kept laughing at me, stumbling around the patio, still drunk. She told me to fuck off. She said she hated me, and that she never loved me." I heard Bella scoot a little closer.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"I should have just let her go in the house. She told me she was leaving and she started to walk down the stairs. But heels, gravity and a drunken stupor don't really mix well. She lost her footing on the second step…and before I could catch her, she fell."

"Oh God…she didn't…she didn't die did she?"

"No...No. People  _that_  drunk very rarely get seriously injured. Their bodies are too relaxed, but she did hit her head pretty hard and it knocked her unconscious. The people inside heard me scream for help. Unfortunately, since they heard the whole fight, most of them assumed I pushed her. Everyone was calling 911 at the same time, I heard them…telling the operators that a girl had been pushed down the stairs by her boyfriend. I was trying to wake her up when I heard the sirens. Your father was the first to arrive….he arrested me."

"I can't believe my father would just listen to a bunch of drunken teenagers."

"To be fair…he wasn't very fond of me to begin with. He thought I was a smart ass, and when I first moved here…I got into a few fights. Nothing bad...just a thirteen year old boy with too much anger trying to find his place. Not that I don't think your dad is a prick…no offense. Anyway…they took Tanya to the hospital, and I went to jail. It took about twenty four hours for her to wake up, to sleep off the booze and recover from the head trauma, and I just sat in jail. Carlisle was in Seattle, but he raced home and got all the legal shit started. Your dad forgave the underage drinking in return for information. When Tanya woke up…she couldn't remember what happened. Her friends were telling her that I pushed her, so that's what she told Charlie."

"But…how did you get out of jail then?"

"Carlisle went and talked to Charlie. Told him everyone knew Tanya was a heavy drinker, and that she had been wearing heels, and that no one actually saw me push her. It pissed your dad off, but he went to talk to Tanya again after she was discharged. Her parents forced her to tell the truth...and she admitted that she was pretty drunk, and that she didn't actually think I pushed her. Charlie had to release me, but he sure wasn't fucking happy about it. He was convinced that I had somehow gotten to her…made her change her story. He's hated me ever since."

"And exactly how did that lead to you…being with Jessica?"

"She…stuck up for me at school. Tanya's parents were really embarrassed by the scandal she caused and they sent her to Alaska to live with family. Since she wasn't there to be rumor control, everyone decided to make up their own versions of what happened. They thought I was some crazed woman beater or something. I always knew Jessica had a thing for me…but I never really thought of her that way. She broke up with Mike and started chasing after me. I was so…fucked up about everything and I was drinking… a lot. I was dating Jessica before I even knew what happened. A couple weeks passed and Jessica…got fucking crazy. She liked to do weird shit." Bella had moved back to my side, and I felt her tense at the mention of sex with Jessica. She didn't need to know that stuff so I just breezed over it. If I told he about that mess she'd never touch me with a 10-foot pole. I couldn't handle that. "Finally Emmett told me that if I didn't get my shit together, he was going to fucking smash all my guitars. Him and Jazz both. I finally saw that I was breaking Aunt Esme and my sister's hearts. So I stopped being a douche and realized that Jessica was practically controlling me, that she was a mean nasty bitch. I broke up with her one day after school, just standing in the hallway...I told her to go fuck herself. She started crying and I'm not going to lie, it kinda made me feel good. That turned out to be a fucking bad idea, cuz she went running to Charlie, and tried to tell him I date-raped her. She hated the fact that I had dumped her ass, so she tried to get revenge on me. She failed of course, but Charlie believed her at first… he just wanted to nail my ass for something. Jessica has made a lot of enemies though and they all blabbed to your dad about the things she told everyone…about us. That girl has a big fucking mouth and likes to brag."

My mind unwillingly went back to memories of me with Jessica. It was our second date and she was all over me in the car. This was part of the reason I would never do anything with Bella in a car, memories of Jessica, disgusting. We had barely started kissing when she dove down in my lap and unzipped my pants. I wasn't going to complain, I am a guy. I adjusted myself so she'd have easier access. The bitch gave me a blow job and swallowed on our second date, that should have given me a clue but hormone junkie prevailed and I continued to see her. We were together almost every day, and had sex almost every time we were together. In fact, I don't think we did anything else. I don't remember ever going to dinner, a movie, anything. Just fucking. By the third date she was crawling into my lap parked out by First beach. She didn't even care that it was still light out and anyone could have came walking by. Thank goodness nobody did. I think she got off on the possibility of getting caught; kinda made me sick, the thought of getting caught with her. It all went downhill from there. Jessica liked to do some funky shit; she was into ass smacking, being held down, gags…even toys. She fucking loved it when I pulled her hair and would always tell me to pull harder. I always did, but I was afraid that one time I'd end up with a fucking hand full of hair and she'd be half bald. She loved to give fucking sloppy blow jobs, slurping everything up then try to kiss me. I always had some mouthwash, the little trial size, in my coat pocket whenever I was meeting up with her. She showed me positions I had never even imagined. It was all fine and dandy at the time, and I guess it would serve me well in the future, but looking back on it she was just a fucking skank. She even asked if I'd be interested in a threesome with Jasper or if I would like to watch while she fucked some other guy. That's where I had to draw the fucking line. It was then that I saw her for what she was. I was not going to be used and dropped her like a fucking bad habit.

Back to reality, "Your dad had to drop the charges on me, and not by choice. He'd have my ass rotting in Alcatraz if it were possible."

Bella just shook her head in agreement and looked sad. We finally made it home. Bella sighed and I took that as a cue to get out and open her door for her; no bad feelings on our date, too late now. Maybe we'd have better luck inside.


	21. Chapter 21

**EDWARD**

Bella allowed me to put my arm around her as we walked into my house, but she didn't lean against me like she normally does. She was quiet, and I wasn't sure if she was upset, or what. I knew I had to eventually tell her the whole fucking Jessica mess, but I was hoping it would be after our relationship was more solid.

It was obvious Bella was a little uncomfortable with the fact that I was more sexually experienced than she was. I must be the only teenage boy in fucking history to wish I could go back to being a virgin. I wish I could erase the whole Jessica thing…I wish I could just fucking erase Jessica herself.

Everyone was in the kitchen, eating cold pizza. I tossed Em his keys and he bolted out the door, with Rose close behind, to check to make sure his baby was still in one piece. Alice was grinning from ear to ear, practically fucking bouncing on the edge of her seat. She no doubt wanted some girl time with Bella to hash over the details of the date, so I found an easy out. Maybe Alice could wave her magic wand over this and make it right; lift the fucking hag curse.

"I'm going to go get the guitars, ok love?" I went to give her a kiss on the cheek; she didn't turn towards me as usual but she didn't turn away either. I kissed her anyways, lingering for a few seconds, nestling my nose against her cheek. I motioned for Jazz to come help me and he got up to follow me.

"Hey, how'd it go man?" Jazz jogged to catch up to me. He was momentarily held up by Alice whispering something in his ear. It must have been good because you could see every fucking tooth in his mouth through his wide ass grin. We were walking out to the car; Em and Rose were inspecting it with a flashlight.

"It was fucking great…until Bella asked about Jessica." I glanced over at Jazz's face. It was screwed up in that puckered up face that people get when they are really confused or really fucking disgusted. I think Jazz was both.

"Jessica? Why the fuck would she ask about  _Jessica_?" confused and disgusted.

"I guess Jess has been really bitchy to Bella lately. She wanted to know why."

"Well…what did you tell her?"

"Everything, I just told her everything." Honesty was always the best policy, right? Fuck.

"Shit. Am I going to be sleeping on your couch tonight?" Jazz seemed a bit fucking annoyed but supportive at the same time.

"I don't know dude." I sure fucking hoped not. We got the guitars out of the trunk and Em was in the front seat, shining a light in between the seats.

"Is this a fucking ice cream sprinkle?" He was holding the minuscule offending object in front of my face. "You ate in my car, didn't you? Rose, check under the seat, there might be more."

"Jesus Em, relax. Go get a blow job or something." We went back into the house and left the guitars against the wall. Bella walked out of the kitchen, biting her lip.

"Edward, I think I'm ready to go to bed." She said softly. I was confused; I didn't know if she meant with me, or that she was going upstairs with Alice. There was an awkward pause before she clarified. "I've never been to your room before." She held her hand out slightly as a sign for me to take it.

"Oh! Ok." I reached out and quickly grabbed her hand. "Night Jazz." I fucking spun on a dime and led her up the stairs to my room. She hesitated at my door. I wanted to give her an option, "Are you sure? You can always sleep in Alice's room."

"I'm fine." She smiled up at me and I felt the electric buzz and it made me feel at ease. In one smooth motion, I swooped down and picked her up, carrying her into my room. She giggled and laid her head against my shoulder. I set Bella on her feet next to my bed; there was a small black shopping bag with a pink bow in the middle of my bed. It just screamed Alice.

"Alice." We both huffed.

"I'm a little afraid to see what's in it." Bella picked up the bag and pulled out a little card. I read it over her shoulder.

_I didn't think you'd bring anything cute to sleep in, so we got you this. Don't worry, it's not too bad._

_Alice*_

"Oh…it's just pj's. She's right, I didn't bring anything. I just figured I'd sleep in my clothes." Bella admitted.

"You don't have to wear them. Alice will understand."

"No…I'll at least check them out. Where can I, uh…change?" I pointed to the door in the corner of my room.

"My bathroom." She got up on tiptoes and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before she disappeared into the bathroom. There was a few seconds of debate in my head before I went ahead and got my pj's on too. I pulled on a pair of green plaid pajama bottoms and an old wife beater tank top. I didn't know what to do with myself. I sat on my bed at first, but then I thought that made it seem like I was expecting something. I moved to the beanbag chair, but it wasn't big enough for Bella to sit on too. I finally decided to settle on my couch. I was nervous as fuck; there was something different in the air tonight. We didn't have to sneak around; there would be no hiding in the closet, no jumping at the sound of footsteps. There was nothing to hold us back, except ourselves. We could be completely at peace. At least that's what I was hoping for, she seemed to be ok with the Jessica thing, but I wasn't sure. I was hoping that Bella's sudden change of heart had to do with Alice. Damn, I was going to owe my sister a fuckload. There was this really extensive art set that she had been hinting for, with Christmas coming up, I figured that would be a perfect gift.

The bathroom door opened, and Bella shuffled out, looking even more beautiful than before. Her face was washed clean of all the makeup; her hair was still straight, but newly brushed. The pajamas were sexy in a modest way, a fitted black cotton cami with little flowers where the spaghetti straps started. The pants were cute as hell with a little ruffled hem at the bottom. They could have been cutsie but on Bella they were fucking hot. I could see those fucking amazing collarbones; I knew Alice did that shit on purpose. Jazz must have told her about my little obsession. She came towards the couch, wringing her hands, she was clearly nervous. She stumbled over her own feet and I made it to her just before she hit the ground.

"You ok?" I chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the placement of my hands on her hip and side.

"Yes. Just me being me." I chuckled again and helped her to the couch. I sat her down next to me, but I was pleasantly surprised when she climbed into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I'm sorry about…getting mad over Jessica."

"It's understandable. I'm sorry about Jessica. You have no idea how badly I fucking wish I could take it all back." How badly I wished you could be my first, so it would be something we'd share together.

"I'm still…jealous." She pouted and blushed at the admission.

"There is no other girl but you, love. You are the only one I see, the only one I want. Jessica doesn't even compare to you."

"It's not really that…I mean, I wish you hadn't slept with Jessica, but...ugh, I'm not jealous of  _her_. I'm jealous that…you have more experience than me." She let out a frustrated sigh."Maybe jealous isn't right word." I took her face into my hands and kissed her nose.

"Please don't be, none of it meant as much as it will with you. Not even Tanya." I was slipping into dangerous territory again. "It never felt like this with her. It's like we just…fit. It was always fucking work with her. With you…it feels…"

"Natural." Bella quietly finished for me.

"Yes, natural." I whispered. My heart was fucking pounding in my chest. As we drew closer to each other, I noticed her breathing picked up. I slid my hand behind her neck and into her hair. I could feel it, the electricity, the need, the want between us. "Bella." I licked my lips and swallowed. "Do you have  _any_ idea how fucking bad I want you right now?" There was no sense in denying it. I'm sure from her position on my lap she could feel it.

Bella didn't say a word; instead she turned her body and adjusted herself so that she was straddling my lap. She ran her hands up my arms, my neck and into my hair. I placed my hands on her hips, knowing if I didn't put them some place reasonably safe, we were going to be in serious fucking trouble. We were touching forehead to forehead, looking into each other's eyes. I couldn't believe how fucking sexual this was, we weren't even kissing, or touching anything intimate, but our breathing was labored. I couldn't take it. "My God Bella." I moaned as I kissed her. As soon as our lips touched, it was like a dam burst. We couldn't fucking get enough of each other, couldn't get close enough. I was gripping her hips, trying to restrain myself from flipping her over and ripping those cute fucking pajamas right off her.

"Edward." She said into my mouth, I stopped knowing that I was pushing it. I expected her to say 'wait' but she surprised me. "The bed." I stood up with her still in my lap, wrapping her legs around me as I walked to the bed. Well, it was more like a sprint; I couldn't get there fast enough. I wanted to have full access to her and her to me. I yanked down the covers, and laid her down. I positioned myself above her, attacking her collarbones, pushing myself into her. She started moaning in my ear and it was all I could do to stop from coming in my pants. My dick was fucking rock hard and I wanted to feel her touch it so bad, I almost grabbed her hand and shoved it down my pants. But I didn't. That would have to be her move.

"Fuck, Bella. You are so beautiful." I murmured. I kissed my way up her neck to the spot I discovered earlier, and I felt her shudder beneath me.

"Wait, Edward." Damnit, I knew my luck would run out. I understood though, Bella needed time. I pushed myself up and sat back on my ankles.

"I'm so sorry. I…" I lost track of my thoughts when Bella sat up and lifted her shirt over her head, exposing her perfect breasts. They were the perfect size. A perfect handful; and my hands were aching to be full of them. She was shaking, but had a confident gleam in her eyes. "Are you sure?" I asked when I regained the ability to speak.

"Y-yes." Bella took a deep breath and laid back on the pillow again, her hair fanning around her head. She reached up and grabbed my shirt, pulling me back on top of her.

"Bella, it's too soon. We don't have to fucking rush it, we have all the time in the world. There will be other nights alone."

"I want this... I want you." She took my hand and set it on her right breast. Oh fuck, it felt good to touch her. I gave in to her wish, into my fucking teenage hormones. I started caressing her, rubbing and pinching her nipple slightly. I kissed her. Then continued kissing her again and again, working my way down her neck, to her chest. I took her nipple in my mouth, and starting lightly sucking and making little circles around it with my tongue. Bella moaned, I took that as a "yes" to the question of if she liked it or not. When I gave her nipple a little nibble, she moaned louder and weaved her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer. I released her and kissed my way over to the other one. I kept switching between her breasts, licking, sucking, and biting, a little harder each time. I snuck a peak at her face, her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip. She caught me looking at her and pulled me to her lips by my hair.

I couldn't believe this was fucking happening. This was a million times better than any jerk off fantasy I ever had about her. I kept checking to make sure she was enjoying this as much as I was. I never wanted to do anything she didn't want. I groaned into her mouth when she slipped her hands underneath my shirt, lightly scratching my back. She started running her fingernails down my chest to the top of my pants and back again. It was the softest touch, but it felt so fucking good. I adjusted myself, rolling more to my side, but never breaking the kiss. I wanted to feel her most intimate places. I wanted to know every inch of her, better than I knew my own face. My hand left her breast, slowly moving down, giving her every chance to stop me if she wanted to. I slipped my fingertips under her waist band and paused, waiting for permission. She was trembling.

"Are you  _sure_ , love?" she looked a little bit like a deer in headlights. I knew she wasn't ready for this, I started to pull my hand out, but she grabbed my wrist.

"I'm nervous…and a little…scared." She confided.

"Bella, it's ok. I will never hurt you. We can stop right now if that's what you want."

"No…I'm enjoying this…but, no….sex. Ok?"

"No sex." I agreed. She nodded, looking more than a little relieved. I leaned down and tenderly kissed her. I continued the kiss until her tension started to melt away and she released her grip on my wrist. I was contemplating abandoning my prior destination but then she pushed my hand further down into her pajamas until I was directly on top of the goal. I gently started to rub her through her panties. She was already fucking wet; I could feel it through the thin cotton. I groaned as this knowledge made my dick twitch. My lips left hers and trailed down her neck, pausing to gently bite her earlobe. Bella responded with her own low moan, and it drove me over the fucking edge. I involuntarily rubbed my hard on against her hip. I was still stroking her, pressing harder with each pass. Her hips started moving with my hand, and I slipped my first two fingers in her panties, pressing them against her clit. She bucked her hips, pushing me for more. I moved my middle finger into the fold, grazing her entrance, teasing her. Bella gripped my shoulder, digging her nails into my skin.

"More." She pleaded. I was not going to fucking deny Bella. I pushed my finger into her, enjoying the fuck out of the loud gasp that escaped from her lips. I slowly worked my finger inside her, amazed at how warm and tight she felt.

"You feel so fucking good." I groaned into her ear. Her eyelids fluttered when my thumb started rubbing little circles on her clit while the others did their job. Her hand left my shoulder, dragging her nails gently down my chest. She didn't hesitate to plunge her hand into my pants, and wrap her little hand around my dick. "Oh fuck." I grunted into her neck. My eyes rolled back as she started stroking me. I moved my thumb and finger faster, loving the fact that I was making her moan that loudly. Her hips were rocking against my finger thrusts, and her hand pumped me just as fast.

Bella started whimpering, I could tell she was getting close. I wanted her to have an orgasm. I wanted her to feel that good, because of me. I licked her collarbones, up her neck and to the little spot behind her earlobe. I pushed my fingers deeper inside her, trying to focus on her, though she was doing a pretty damn good job of getting me off and it was hard not to give in to her. I licked her trigger spot again, this time softly blowing on it.

"Edward." She cried out as she tightened around my finger. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she arched her back. Her hand formed a death grip around my erection as she came. It was the single fucking sexiest thing I've ever experienced. I wanted to make her cum over and over. I didn't even wait for her to come down before I started working my fingers again. I slid another finger into her, pushing deeper and faster.

"Ugh, I love that." I whispered. She bit her lip in response and went back to stroking me. Now it was my turn to buck my hips, pushing myself harder into her palm. I could barely concentrate on what I was doing to her. Between the sounds she was making, and the feel of my fingers inside her, it wasn't long before I was cuming.

"Oh fuck." I groaned loudly. I was being loud as fuck, which was unusual for me. Bella seem to get pleasure out of it, her lips forming into a sly smile. I don't think there had ever been hand job that felt so good before. After I finished, I pulled her hand out of my pants, laced the fingers of my free hand with hers, and held it against my chest. My show of pleasure seemed to give Bella the ok to be freer. I resumed playing her like a fucking piano and soon she was gripping the sheets with her free hand, moving her body to the movement of my hand. Years of playing the guitar and the piano had given me some serious skill when it comes to using my fingers, and she was enjoying every second of it. Her breasts were bouncing slightly with her movements, just begging me to touch them. I leaned down taking her nipple back into my mouth, she cried out as I started sucking on it. She tasted so fucking good. I didn't want to stop.

"Oh God." She moaned as I took her nipple between my teeth. I bit a little harder, and she moaned my name again, and this time her whole body shuddered as she came. Her legs snapped closed, trapping my hand inside her. I didn't stop, I wanted more, and I wanted to hear my name escape her lips in ecstasy one more time. She was dripping wet, and I started to move my fingers inside her again, but she laid her hand on my arm. "Ok, ok, ok…..I don't think I can take another one." She was panting, still trying to come down from the last orgasm. I could still feel her clenching and releasing around my fingers as she gently pulled on my arm to signal the needed retreat. As much as I wanted to keep pleasing her I took her cue instantly. My hand was a dripping mess so I wiped it on the top sheet on my bed before lacing my hand in hers. I made a mental note to take that sheet off the bed before we went to sleep and lay down next to Bella, holding both of her hands in mine at the center of my chest as we both laid on our sides facing each other. It was official now; she couldn't have any more of my heart if she reached inside my chest and took it out. I was hers, completely.

We laid there for a few minutes just letting our breathing and pulses return to normal. Once we came down from our cum-high, we both looked at our hands interlaced and sticky with the remnants of each other's pleasure. We both chuckled and looked at the bathroom door. We released each other's hands reluctantly and fixed our clothing before getting up and heading for the bathroom. We washed our hands together and I just had to lean over and kiss her head a couple times. I felt like I wanted push her inside me so I'd never be without her. She just smiled at me and looked like she'd willingly crawl inside if it were possible. I reached over to the drawer in front of her and grabbed my toothbrush. I smiled and reached in again and pulled out a brand new one for her. It wasn't pink, thought that would be too obvious, it was baby blue, like the sky in my dream when she was lying next to me. She got the biggest fucking grin on her face. I loved it, fucking adorable. We brushed our teeth and I got the hint when Bella just stood there looking at her feet when we were done. I excused myself to get the bed ready and closed the door behind me. I heard her completing her nightly routine as I stripped the top sheet off the bed and arranged the blankets so we could slip easily into them. I was busying myself around the room; unsure if I should be in the bed when she came out or if that would be too much pressure. I was pretty sure she didn't mind staying with me now but I didn't want to assume. I was straightening the books on my shelf for the third time when Bella timidly came out of the bathroom. She was sparkly clean her freshly washed hair was in a ponytail. It was still hard to look at her without wanting to shed those sexy fucking pajamas but I kept it under control. I went over and hugged her. Not a 'crush your body against me' hug but an 'I fucking love you madly' hug. It was everything I wanted to say but was too afraid to do it. I really hoped she understood the message. She hugged back. I escorted her over to the bed and lifted the blankets up for her. She got in and smiled, snuggling up and I could see that she was anticipating me getting in with her. I went over to my side of the bed and crawled in, pulling her close to me. We laid there together just breathing each other in, cuddled up in my bed, with no fears of discovery and nothing holding us back.

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

I woke up with hair in my mouth. Not that I minded after I realized it was Bella's, but it's still a rather uncomfortable feeling. I gently pulled her hair away from my face, and looked over at her peaceful form. Last night had been fucking amazing. Perfect, and sweet, and loving and fucking hot as hell. And that had only been fooling around. I couldn't even begin to imagine what the sex would be like.

I wanted to give her a special wake up call, but I didn't know how she'd feel about being relentlessly fondled without her permission. Do girls like screaming orgasms first thing in the morning? Maybe some soft thrust of my ever-present hard on? No, I settled for pulling her into my arms and giving her soft kisses.

"Bella…love, wake up." I whispered in her ear. She nestled her face into the crook of my neck, hiding from me.

"Morning." She said sheepishly. I tried to adjust myself so I could see her face, but she wouldn't let me.

"What's wrong?" Shit…"You…you don't regret last night…do you?" Oh fuck, please don't let it be that. I don't think I could handle being rejected after last night. She shook her head no, but still wouldn't let me see her face. "Please, tell me…you're killing me."

"I'm…embarrassed." She admitted. What the fuck?

"You weren't embarrassed last night." I said in a low voice, my eyebrows raised. She groaned and buried her face deeper into my neck. "Didn't you and Jacob…you know…fool around?" Please just don't give any details.

"Yes…but not like… _that_. We…didn't really know what we were doing." Would it be inappropriate if I smiled ear to fucking ear like the goddamn Joker at that? "I'm embarrassed…because I…want to do it again."

"Oh! Well then…all you have to do is ask."

"Please?" Her shy smile was so goddamn cute. I leaned over and kissed her. This time was somehow better, her moans sounded sweeter, she wasn't as nervous, and she seemed to get over her embarrassment real fucking quick. I had her calling my name in no time, needing to hear it, that alone made me want to cum.

"God damn, Bella…fuck." I growled as I came in her hand. I was getting her close to her second when someone pounded on the door.

"Can you guys keep it down? I can fucking hear you down the hall. You're screwing up my flow! Goddamn horny teenagers!" Em yelled through the door.

"Shut the fuck up Em! You wish you could have my flow!" I yelled back. Bella was as red as a fucking fire truck.

"Oh god…he heard us?" she buried her head into my neck, clearly trying to fucking disappear.

"Shit no, trust me, these walls are thick. If you could hear through them, you'd have been up all night listening to Rose's fucking wailing." Not wanting to tell her that Em had probably been standing by the door, trying to catch us. He thought shit like that was hilarious.

The mood was fucking killed, and Bella got up to do her morning routine. While Bella was in the bathroom there was another knock at the door, but this time it was just Alice, and she was holding a small pile of clothes.

"These are for Bells. Did you she like the pj's?" I nodded. "Did  _you_  like the pj's?" There was an evil grin forming on her face. I was going to fucking kick Jazz's ass. "She doesn't have to wear them, but just in case she wants them." I took the clothes and told her we'd be down eventually. I didn't know when Bella had to be home, and I didn't want to waste a second of time with her. I set the clothes on my bed and waited. Bella didn't keep me waiting long, and after a quick kiss, I went to do my thing.

"Are these from Alice?" She called.

"Yeah…but you don't have to wear them." I wouldn't mind if you spent the day completely naked. I finished up and came out to find Bella in jeans and my favorite Ramones t-shirt. It was old and worn, with holes along the neck and under the arms. How is it she looks fucking sexier and sexier every day? It was a wonderful feeling seeing her wear my clothes, it screamed,  _I'm yours_.

"Alice needs to stop buying me clothes. It makes me…uncomfortable."

"Don't worry, Alice has always wish she had a little sister to dress up. And she can't exactly do that to Rose. I'll look for the receipt and return them. Ok?" I walked towards her and put my arm around her waist. "Can I tell you how good you look in my shirt?" she giggled a little and picked up a shirt off my bed.

"Will you wear this one today?" I was a little disappointed that there was going to be clothes involved in today's activities, but her wish was my command. I took the shirt from her; it was a black Staind shirt. "You were wearing it the day we met."

"But…I was a complete dick to you." I still felt shitty about that. I shook my head against the memory of telling her she would be better off with Newton's retarded ass.

"Yes…but you were still cute." I went into my closet to get a pair of jeans and just decided to get dressed while I was in there. When I came out, Bella was sitting on my bed, staring at the mess glued to my ceiling. "How did I not notice that?"

"Well, love. You  _were_  pretty preoccupied last night." I teased. She blushed, and I jumped her, pining her down with one arm and tickling her with the other. I let her go after a little begging and rolled us over so she was on top of me. "So…what do you want to do today?"

"I want to cook breakfast...for everyone."

"Wait…everyone? Bella…you are a fantastic fucking cook…but are you sure you're ready to cook for Emmett?"

"I think I'm up for the challenge. Plus… _you_  are going to be my assistant."

"Um…yeah. I don't think that's a good idea. I can fuck up Ramen noodles."

"How the hell…" She trailed off. "No matter, I'll be your teacher."

"Mmmm…I like the sound of that."I grabbed her hips a little tighter. Bella rolled her eyes, climbed off and grabbed my hand, dragging me downstairs to the kitchen. I'd never seen her…silly before. I was fucking loving it.

Bella was completely at home in my kitchen, she knew where everything was, almost by instinct. She instructed me like a drill sergeant; and it was kind fucking hot. She made bacon, eggs, and strawberry waffles. The others wandered into the kitchen, confused on why there would be cooking when Esme wasn't home. They were even more confused when they saw me in an apron, helping Bella.

Bella and I set all the food on the table while everyone else sat down. I dove right into the food, knowing just how fucking good it really was. They followed my lead and chowed down Bella's cooking.

"Holy shit, Jelly Belly. This is effing awesome! Can you move in, will you marry me? Rose can't cook worth a shit. She can't even get water to boil." Rose gave him her famous look of death.

"Yeah…guess I won't need to put the apron on tonight then ."

"Aw baby…come on…it was just a joke." The rest of breakfast was a mixture of Em apologizing to Rose and begging Bella to move in and forever cook for him.

"Maybe someday, Emmett." Bella said with a smile. Afterwards, Alice and Jazz offered to clean up and Bella and I went to the music room to get another lesson in. It went slightly better this time, only I kept getting distracted by dirty thoughts. She didn't make the situation any better by sitting on my lap like she did in the music store. I was hard as fuck before long, and the lesson ended when I started biting her neck, and slipping my hand in her pants again.

"Edward…again?" She asked as she leaned back against my shoulder, her eyelids fluttering as I rubbed her.

"I can't help it. I like hearing you get off." I Like a lot…a fuckload. There wasn't a bigger turn on in the world. Her sweet innocent looks mixed with those fucking moans she let out. I absently wondered if Jacob had gone longer than a day without giving her an orgasm, and if he did...how could he fucking stand it? She was too quiet this time when I eased my finger in; probably remembering earlier when Em interrupted us. "Soundproof room…remember, love?" that seem to put her worries to rest, and she let out a moan that the whole house would've heard if we were in my room. She reached her arms up around my neck and I went for her trigger spot as I moved my fingers in her. She started moving her hips with the rhythm of my hands, and her butt was rubbing right against my erection. It felt good despite it being through jeans. It had been six months since I'd gotten laid, lots of things felt better than they should. I buried my face in her hair, breathing in her scent. I came as soon as I heard her say my name. She seemed to pick up on the fact that I  _really_  fucking liked that. That was not something I experienced with Tanya or Jessica. It was a Bella-only thing.

"Ok…we've got to get through the rest of the day without…doing…that." She was blushing.

"Yes ma'am." We would do whatever she wanted. I picked her up and carried her to the couch; she curled up in my lap, resting her head against my chest.

"I don't want to leave, Edward."

"Then don't." Don't ever fucking leave. Stay here…with me.

"I have to go home eventually." She sounded heartbroken as she said it.

"Then…wait until Monday. Don't leave today. Rose can pull some strings. You don't say no to Mrs. Hale, I don't care who you are."

"Ok…I'll stay." I happily kissed her, overjoyed at the fact we could spent all weekend as a real couple. Not fucking hiding. I left her for a few minutes to talk to Rose. She was willing to help of course, and gave her mom some bullshit story. Ten minutes later Bella had the ok to stay at "Rose's house" until school on Monday. Bella was just as excited as me and announced she wanted to celebrate by cooking dinner for everyone. Alice drove her to the store so she could get everything she needed. We spent the rest of the day in the kitchen, me mostly just getting in her way. She made pot roast, green bean casserole, real mashed potatoes, biscuits, and fudge brownies for dessert. That night was the first time I'd ever seen Rose go for seconds. Em was so happy not to be eating cold pizza and Chinese while Esme was gone, he cleaned up the whole meal himself. There'd be no leftovers with Emmett in the fucking house. Bella was fucking glowing. After dinner, we all pitched in to clean up then settled in the family room with our brownies and ice cream.

"Now what?" Bella asked. "What do you guys normally do on a Saturday night?"

"Well, Jelly Belly. It's movie night."

"What are we watching?"

"The first rule of Fight Club is; you do not talk about Fight Club." Emmett recited.

"The second rule of Fight Club is; you  _do not_  talk about Fight Club!" Jazz joined in.

"With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels." I spouted off my favorite quote. Bella laughed, Alice and Rose rolled their eyes, having heard this little bit a thousand times already. They usually sat through this movie because of the shirtless Brad Pitt.

"I love  _Fight Club_." Bella said. "I've read the book."

"Oh shit, I knew I loved you for a reason." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Bella's eyes widened and everyone grew really fucking quiet. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Em started the movie. I didn't know what to do. Should I just laugh it off like a joke, or should I actually fucking tell her I loved her? I was pretty damn sure that…it was love. Still confused, I just decided to let it slide, hoping Bella would too. I laced my fingers through hers and she rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't feel any tension between us, and I took that as a really good sign. After  _Fight Club_ , it was girls pick and they chose  _Because I Said So._ When that was over we all drifted off to our rooms. I picked up a few more movies to take with us since it was still early. Bella wasn't in the mood for talking, so we cuddled up in my bed and watched two more movies before her eyelids started to droop. She wanted to wear my shirt to sleep in so she did that fucking girl trick where she pulls her bra out of her shirt, and slid her pants off. I stripped down to my boxers, and crawled under the covers with her. Seeing her in only my shirt and a pair of panties made me want to live out some of those dirty little fantasies I've had, but she was tired and not in the mood. I was perfectly content just to have her in my arms.

"Edward…do you really…love me?" Bella murmured. Shit…

"I don't know. I think…I think I might." Honesty…remember you dumb fuck? "I didn't know if I should tell you or not. It's only been a few weeks. I didn't want to scare you."

"I don't think I'm ready for…that yet." I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face towards mine.

"Bella, I will wait a million fucking years if I have to. Just as long as you want to be with me, I'm content."

"I want to be with you."

"Then that's all I need." I gave her a soft kiss and she molded herself against me, halfway asleep before she was settled. I waited until I heard her even breathing before I put my lips to her ear, "I love you Isabella Swan." I had to say it out loud, for real, and I swear to fucking God…I saw her smile.


	22. Chapter 22

**BELLA**

He slept with Jessica. Jessica Stanley. He fucked her. He actually let that nasty bitch whore…touch him. Kiss him. He...he…ugh I didn't even want to think about the things they did. After getting to know her nasty ass from the stories people told, neither would most of the free world. Unfortunately, it is all I could think about.

It just kept running through my head, over and over, as he told me about Tanya. I felt horrible that he had such a messed up experience with his first love. I really, really did but I was stuck on the Jessica thing. I knew he had sex with Tanya too, the first of the two, but somehow that didn't bother me. It was the fact that he did it with JESSICA that was making my ice cream cone wish it was back at Baskin Robbins. I had to really concentrate a few times to keep it in place, ugh; sometimes having a good imagination is a curse.

I sorta of understood the suspicion from my father. The biggest pet peeve Charlie had about his job was seeing men get away with hurting their wives or girlfriends. It happened a lot in Forks. It was, after all, a kinda back-woodsy place and there isn't much to choose from as far as available men go. So some of the guys take advantage of that and don't always treat their woman the way they should and they don't leave because who else is better? Charlie made sure that kind of thing never happened to me, he'd been teaching me self-defense moves since I was old enough to throw a throat jab. That didn't excuse him for hating Edward though. The evidence was there, he didn't do it. A drunken girl in heels trying to walk down steps, that just screamed disaster. It was obvious that there was something going on with that chick, her parents made her leave town afterwards. Thank god! I'd hate to have a visual of both of the girls who …well, both of the girls.

Jessica though? I wanted to scream. I knew exactly what  _she_  looked like and could picture her all too well in compromising positions with my Edward, wretched imagination. She had a part of him, a part that I wanted…eventually. I was repulsed by the fact that her nasty skank self had…done things to him, things he enjoyed, I think. It was now completely obvious why she was such a bitch to me. She wanted him back. The looks I had never paid attention to before were suddenly the only thing I could see. The want in her eyes when he walked past her, lust, possessiveness. Oh. Hell. No.

I heard the pain in his voice when he talked about what Tanya had done to him and I wanted to be close to him, to comfort him. I scooted back across the front seat, but the mention of Jessica… _again_ …made me want to rip the gear shift out of the car and beat her with it. I briefly wondered if Emmett would get mad about that, then decided he would forgive me if he got to watch. Edward grew quiet and I felt him shudder next to me, it seemed like a subconscious reaction. Probably thinking about Jessica and the 'weird shit' they did. I'd be shuddering too, right after scrubbing off the first couple layers of my skin with a Brillo pad and some bleach then lighting the pad on fire.

We pulled into the driveway. Edward parked in the garage and ran around to open my door, putting his arm hesitantly around me as we walked into the house. I didn't mind, it felt good to feel him touching me, and NOT her but I think he half expected me to shrug his arm off. The night had been going so well, perfect actually, magical. I didn't even mind the little verbal slip he had, calling his house our home. In fact I enjoyed it. Now…I don't know. I knew he had, um…experience, which bothered me, but only slightly. I figured there was some other "special girl" in his past, some love that had broken his heart. I could read that across his face the first time I met him. Nobody is a complete ass like that for no particular reason. I knew there was a story behind it, and I figured it probably had to do with a girl.

However the knowledge of his arms around…her. His lips on…hers, and where they had probably been before that. It made me sick. She gave him something I wasn't ready to give, and I had no doubt in my mind that she'd be more than willing to give it to him again. Right now, if she had half the chance.

Edward led me into the kitchen, everyone was sitting around a half empty pizza box chatting. I saw Alice's eyes light up when she saw me. I knew she would want to dish about the date. I tried to look excited for her…but it just wasn't happening. Jessica was a dark frickin' cloud over our perfect night.

Edward gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I didn't respond to. I felt terrible, but I was still trying to process the Jessica thing. He left with Jasper behind him, leaving Alice to finally read me.

"What happened?"

"Edward had sex with Jessica." It came out in a strangled sob. I looked up at Alice and was surprised to see her face darken. I never seen Alice angry before, and after the look she just gave me, I hoped I never had to see it again.

"Yes. He did, but that is in the past."

"But, it's…Jessica. I don't know if I can…I just don't know."

"Bells, I love you, but that is not fair."

"What? I thought you hated Jessica!"

"I do…I hate her for the things she did, for the kind of person she is, but when the whole town turned their backs on Edward, she was the only one willing to stand by him. He just went for the first person to comfort him."

"But...she…she accused him of raping her!" Was I missing something? Jessica was evil.

"Yeah, Bella. I know that, all too well. I had to stand by and watch while my brother was arrested." I was silent, the disgust still apparent on my face. Alice leaned forward in her chair, her face as serious as I've ever seen it. "Look Bella, Edward wasn't himself when he was with her. He was drinking almost every day, Jess had him trying drugs. I don't even think he was aware of what was really going on half the time. The whole Tanya thing royally messed him up and Jessica was all too happy to help him escape."

"But Alice…"

"No Bells! No buts. It's not fair to him. He has to live everyday with that fact that someone else has a bigger piece of your heart than he does. You don't have any right to hold his past against him. All he wants is you and from what I've seen, that's all he's ever going to want. You've already made him wait, are you going to leave him because of a past mistake? He never once even thought about leaving you, even after he knew everything. Even after he knew this wasn't going to be an easy road for him. He still wanted only you."

It stung, hearing Alice's words, but it was the truth. I had put Edward through hell already, it  _wasn't_  fair to him. I knew how it felt to lose a first love, except I lost mine to tragedy and he lost his because she was a whore. She just walked away from him. There was no way I could do that to him, just walk away. I'd have to learn to deal with the Jessica thing.

"You're right, Alice. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." She gave me an encouraging smile. It was much better than seeing her angry. Everyone was afraid of Rose's temper, but I had a feeling Alice was the one you really didn't want to cross. I heard the boys come back in, and Alice motioned for me to go. "Now, go finish your date. I'll be waiting to hear all about it!"

I nodded and walked out to the hallway. Edward and Jasper were leaning against the wall, Edward wore a broken expression, and I felt a twist in my heart. I wanted to slap myself; that hurt was from  _me_.

He looked genuinely relieved when I held out my hand for him. I thought I might get whiplash from the speed at which he took off for upstairs. I followed him up the stairway and when I reached his room I realized the weight of the situation. We were alone. No one would interrupt us tonight. I was very nervous, and he felt it. Ever the gentleman, he gave me the option to cut the evening short, but I looked into his green eyes that I had dreamt about every night and I felt the electric current from my fingers to my toes. Nervousness, what nervousness? I was with Edward, MY Edward.

He smiled his famous crooked smile and carried me across the threshold into his room. The black shopping bag on his bed scared me, even though we both knew it was from Alice, I had a horrible feeling that Rose had picked it out. God only knows what that woman thinks is conservative in the bedroom. I was terrified to find out. I almost took his option to let him return it sight unseen but then curiosity got the better of me. Surprisingly, it was very cute, very me actually. Alice must have done the picking. If it were up to Rose I'd have on six inch heels, a leather corset and underwear with less fabric than a Barbie skirt.

He directed me to the bathroom so I could change. I gave him a cheek kiss, trying to show him that I was accepting, or forgiving anyway, of the Jessica thing. It was odd being in his bathroom, it was so…him. Black shower curtain with guitars on it, black rug, and there were some old CDs glued to the wall. I took out the pj's, inspecting them closer, making sure I didn't miss any cut out boobs or lace covered ass panels. They were decent, fully Alice, no Rose. There was a clean wash cloth on the counter so I washed all the makeup off my face. I brushed my hair until it was soft and shiny. I took off my clothes and stuffed them into the black shopping bag. The pj's actually looked pretty good on me, and I blushed at how exposed my collarbones were. Edward would love that. Hell, I loved that, the way he licked and nibbled on them, I was amazed I'd been able to keep my pants on  _this_  long.

I wondered if tonight should be…the night. We had only been official a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. Jacob and I had been together forever and we were never able to take that step. We tried, but something always stopped us. His friends, his dad, sometimes even Leah, the girl from the rez that had a huge crush on him. It always felt like the world was pushing us apart and we were always pushing to stay together.

The universe finally won and pulled us apart forever. But then it pushed me right into Edward's arms. I came to terms with that, over the nights with Edward. I had to lose Jacob to get to Edward. It didn't make losing Jacob easier, I just understood it more and could move on with my life. I'd never forget him but there were other things in life that were equally unforgettable and I was going to miss them if I didn't start living.

I put my hand on the door knob, fully prepared to walk out there and give him my everything.  _Just do it_  the voice chanted in my head. I opened the door and peeked out at him. He was in his pj's and damn did he look hot. He didn't know I was watching him, he was nervous too, fidgeting, jumping from place to place. I watched him settle on his couch when I had a flash of Jessica on that couch; doing things to him I wished I could do. I shut the door and stepped towards the bathtub, perching myself on the edge. I wanted to scream again. Curse her name. I wanted to march myself over to the dirty whore's house and knock her teeth right out of her dick-sucking face.

I tried to calm my anger; I didn't want to walk out there mad. This wasn't Edward's fault; he was just a confused, broken hearted boy who got taken advantage of. I was not going to let that psycho hose beast ruin my relationship with Edward, the trip here had been too long and too hard already.

I squared my shoulders, wiping away the few stray tears brought on by thoughts of Edward with Jessica, and walked out into the bedroom. I was ready to follow wherever the night might take me.

 

My boyfriend has magic fingers. And apparently…he loves me. I turned to look at him. He was still sleeping next to me, his arm thrown across my waist.

He loves me.

Edward Cullen  _loves_  me.

The night before had been amazing; he did things with his hands I didn't think were possible. It had never been like that with Jacob. That was more like two awkward teenagers trying to figure out where things were and how they worked. However, Edward already knew very well where things were and how they worked, and he was more than happy to demonstrate.

I woke up the morning after completely embarrassed; I was wet and wanting more. Edward had no problems with getting me over my embarrassment, and before I knew it was I calling out his name. He loved that, as much as I loved it when he went for the spot behind my earlobe. I made a mental note to always say his name when I had an orgasm, not like I had a choice. I wanted to please him, make him as happy as he was making me.

I wanted to have sex …but I chickened out at the last second. Though if things kept going the way they were, I wouldn't be holding on to my virginity for much longer. I almost jumped him in the kitchen when I was making breakfast. Something about seeing him in an apron with waffle batter smeared on him made me want to rip his clothes off. Not to mention the fact that we was wearing my favorite shirt, the Staind one, from the first day I saw him. I had ducked into his closet while he was doing his morning thing, looking for something of his to wear. I found the Ramones shirt that, from the looks of it, was one if his favorites, and the Staind one he looked so sexy in.

During breakfast, Emmett jokingly begged me to move in with him, but I answered him seriously.  _Maybe, someday_. I had a feeling all the Cullen kids would live together until absolutely necessary, they were a very close knit little group and I was glad to now be considered part of it. I would cook them all dinner every night and breakfast every morning, as long as Edward was beside me.

The guitar lesson had taken an unexpected turn, but still a very enjoyable one. I had no ulterior motives when I sat on his lap; I just wanted him to help me with my finger placement. I felt him grow hard under me, and I was ready and willing after the first nibble on my neck. I leaned back against him, my arms around his neck, tugging on his hair. He went for the sexy spot again, nibbling on my neck just below my ear, and soon his name was escaping my lips in a voice that I barely recognized as my own.

I never wanted to leave him. Ever. I wanted this to be my home, here next to him. When Edward told me Rose had finagled me more time with him, I almost pulled an Alice, hopping for joy, clapping my hands. I wanted to cook in celebration. Cooking was my favorite…well now second favorite, thing to do. What better way to celebrate than to have him help me in the kitchen? He did look hot in that apron. Alice offered to take me to the store, since Edward and I couldn't be seen together, and I think she wanted some date details.

"So, how are you dealing with the Jessica thing?" Alice asked as we walked through the store. I sighed; the skank bitch was still present in the back of my mind. I had managed to forget about it during my…activities with Edward, but it would wander into my reality every now and then.

"I don't know. I guess I'm handling it. There's nothing I can do about it." I would lose him if I didn't get over it, and  _that_  I would not survive. Alice walked past the grapes and popped one in her mouth.

"How bad was it, that night with Tanya?" I had been so focused on the Jessica thing, I forgot about Tanya. The girl he actually loved and wasn't just fucking to escape reality.

"It was horrible. Jazz and I were in the front of the house talking with Angela and Ben. Em and Rose were off doing God knows what. We heard people fighting, but didn't think anything about it. There are always couples fighting at school parties." Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Eric came running over to us, grabbing Jazz and telling him to come control Edward. When we got to the back of the house, Tanya had already fallen, and Edward was yelling for help. He was trying to pick her up, but we ran down the stairs and stopped him. We didn't know how badly she was hurt. Everyone else just stood there and stared. Rose and Em came around the corner; I guess someone went to get them too. They played crowd control; Rose started ripping people's cells out of their hands when she heard what they were saying. Edward would _never_  do anything like that. Then your dad showed up with the ambulance and Tanya's friend Irina ran over, telling him Edward had gotten in Tanya's face, pushing her and stuff. Irina was always one to cause drama. Edward was huddled over Tanya, trying to get her to wake up; your dad literally had to drag him away."

"How long was he actually in jail?"

"Four or five days I think, no one but Carlisle and the lawyer could go see him. Carlisle wanted to appeal to Charlie's sensibility, so he went against the lawyer's advice and went to talk to him face to face. It turned out good… and bad, Edward was released, but my uncle and your dad stopped being friends. Carlisle is still upset about that."

"Did he really love her?" This was something the jealous part of me needed to know. I was pretty sure that if she were to show her face again, he wouldn't leave me for her, but I still needed that reassurance.

"Well…he did, but it was more of a love/hate thing. She treated him like shit. We all knew she was cheating on him, but we could never prove it. He wouldn't have listened to us anyways." Alice sighed. "But he never looked at her the way he looks at you." I felt a blush creep up my face. Hearing all this, I couldn't decide who was worse; Tanya or Jessica? I wanted to spit in both of their slutty faces.

"And Jessica?" Did I really want to know the details?

"Like I said last night, half the time I don't think he realized what she was really doing to him. She knew that he wouldn't want her if he was in his right mind. So she played the sympathy card, defending him to everyone, keeping him drunk. More than once I caught her slipping drugs into his drinks at parties. Oh boy, did Rose have fun with her after Edward dumped her. The whole 'he raped me' thing was settled in, like a day. Every girl Jessica ever screwed over went to Charlie in Edward's defense, even if they didn't like him. They hated Jess even more. She seems to think that describing her sexual conquests in great detail is a form of female bonding." I remembered my flash of Jessica on Edward's couch, and even though it was torture, I just needed to know.

"How often…in his room?" I winced as I asked it.

"Oh, um...as far as I know he never brought her home. She's not exactly the kind of girl you bring home to mom. I also think he knew that shit wouldn't fly with me and Rose around. Rose can make a person feel pretty uncomfortable if she wants to." Yeah, Rose, after the look I received earlier I was pretty sure Alice could make somebody pretty uncomfortable if she wanted to too. I was so relieved that Edward's room was never subject to Jessica's sexcapades that I dropped the can of green beans I was clenching on to. His room was already becoming like a second home to me, and now that I knew it was clear of Jessica-germs, I could be completely at ease.

"So, can I finally have some goodies about the date? I've been waiting all day!" She whined.

I told her all about the night as we drove home. I skipped over the sexual stuff, and she was fine with that. "I get enough of those kinds of details from Rose." She said. We pulled in the driveway and Jasper came out to help with the groceries.

"Did you ask her yet?" I heard Jasper whisper.

"Ask me what?"

"Well, we're all going on a little road trip over winter break. Would you like to go?"

"Oh, Edward hasn't mentioned it." Why was Alice inviting me and not my boyfriend?

"That's cuz…I wanted to make sure everything was ok between you two. I actually haven't even told Edward about it yet."

"Well, yeah sure. I'd love to go, if Edward wants to go. You'll just have to pull some strings with Charlie." Alice struck a model pose and batted her eyelashes.

"Oh, I think I can manage that." We all laughed and Jasper scooped Alice up in his arms and told her she could pull his strings anytime. She kissed him and I went inside. The two of them soon followed with the rest of the groceries, their cheeks both red; I wondered what they had done to warrant that. Then I decided it was better if I didn't know. I instructed Edward on what to do in the kitchen, once again struggling to keep from serving  _myself_  up to him on the kitchen table. He would come up behind me every so often and wrap his arms around my waist, nuzzling his nose in my neck. He was absolutely no help with the cooking and I had to correct most of the mistakes he made, but it felt perfect. I took great pride in being able to satisfy Emmett's hunger. And causing Rose to take a second helping; that was the icing on the cake. I could get use to this.

I was at peace, content, when we all settled in front of the TV for movie night. Then Edward let it slip that he loved me and it felt like someone had pulled the rug out from underneath my feet.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. Tension began to form in the pit of my stomach. I tried not to let it show, and rested against him like normal. My heart was racing. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. What was the point of having a serious relationship if it wasn't going to turn into love? That was what I wanted deep down, wasn't it? For Edward to love me? I couldn't concentrate on  _Fight Club_ , and I was pretty sure Alice could feel my inner turmoil because when it was the girls turn to choose, she chose  _Because I said So_ , which features a dark haired girl falling in love with a sexy guitar player. Damn Alice. Damn her and her knowing ways.

After avoiding the conversation with more movies, I finally told him that I wasn't ready for love yet. I wasn't…I think. Rationally, I knew that's where this was all headed. I  _would_  love him; I probably already did, if I let myself really feel it. I just needed…time, time to let it sink in, time for my heart to break the scars enough to let someone else in.

He thought he was being sly, waiting until he thought I was asleep before whispering in my ear,  _I love you Isabella Swan._  I smiled despite myself. I fell asleep replaying the words in my head feeling more of the scars giving way, opening more room for him.

Edward snuggled closer to me in his sleep, wrapping one of his legs around mine. I liked watching him sleep, his messy hair in his eyes, the way he snored slightly. Not loud enough to keep me awake, but just enough to be cute.

He loved me. I smiled again, and then let out a frustrated little growl. Waiting, Edward was forever waiting for me. He waited for me to be ready to date him, now he was waiting for me to be ready to love him. Oh, and waiting for me to give it up too, although I'm sure that was the easiest of the three to deal with. How long could I keep this up? He said he was fine as long as he knew I wanted him. I felt…something for him. It was much stronger than just "like". I cared about him; I never wanted to be apart from him. There was a charge between us that I didn't experience with anyone, not even Jacob. Sometimes I felt like I needed him just to breath. So…maybe it was love, but I wasn't ready to say the words, not yet. As long as I showed him I loved him, were the words that important?

He was stirring in his sleep again, this time his leg moved between mine, brushing against me. I was wearing just his t-shirt and my underwear. He was naked, except his boxers. My eyes glanced downward and I noticed that he was poking out of the hole in the front of them. I blushed, surprising myself with the thoughts that crossed my mind.

Would a nice little wake-up call be a good way of thanking him for his patience? Guys loved… _that_ …right? It was all Jacob's stupid friends would talk about. I'd tried it a few times with Jake, it was a little awkward but overall it wasn't so bad. I had a feeling it would be different with Edward, he would guide my movements; teach me.

I gave his shoulder a little push and he rolled over on his back, his arm sliding across my stomach, pulling my shirt up. I leaned over and kissed his neck. He didn't wake up, so I pulled myself up, placing an arm on either side of him and sat on my knees. I was blushing hardcore at what I was about to do. I took a deep breath and gave his neck a soft lick. He groaned softly and I kissed him on his collarbone. I kissed him over and over, going lower each time. When I passed over his nipple giving it a little bite, his hands found their way into my hair. I put my hand on his stomach, slowly sliding it down into his boxers. He was fully hard, I glanced up at his face, his eyes were still closed.

 _Now or Never Bella._  I wet my lips and trailed them down to his waistband. I pulled his boxers down, exposing him and ran my tongue in a circle around the tip of his dick.

"No. Stop!" He grabbed my wrist, pulling me up onto his chest. "I don't want you to do that."

"What? Why?" What guy didn't want to a blow job? I was thoroughly confused and pretty embarrassed too.

"Because…it's…it's just something I don't want you fucking doing." He avoided eye contact with me when he said it. My mind went to one thing, Jessica.

"Because Jessica used to do it, right?"

"Yes." He let go of my wrist and covered his face with his arm. "When she did it, it was this fucked up disgusting thing, and I…I just don't want to think of you…like that."

"That doesn't make any sense! It's ok to have some stupid whore do it, but not me?"

"No, love it's not like that."

"Whatever." I got up off the bed and ran into his bathroom, slamming the door. I wasn't mad that I wasn't able to do what I wanted, I was mad that it was something I wanted to experience with him and that hoe bag ruined it. She left him with bad memories. Was I ever going to be able to do anything sexual with him that she hadn't done like fifty times over? I leaned against the countertop and cried. It was a few minutes before Edward knocked on the door.

"Please let me in." He sounded so hurt. "Please, love." I wiped my tears away, knowing I had to face him.

"It's not locked." He walked in and stood in front of me. He didn't make any move to touch me.

"Please don't cry, love." When he called me 'love' it made my heart flip, he knew that, the sneaky bastard. I turned away from him. "Don't do that, don't pull away from me." He reached out for my arm, and I let him. "I'm sorry, there are just certain things that Jessica and I did that I'm not proud of, and I don't want you doing them…because I…because you mean so much more to me. She  _liked_  being degraded and I don't ever want to make you feel like that." He sighed when I didn't respond. "Isn't this fucking backward? Isn't the guy supposed to get mad because his girl doesn't want to suck him off?" I smiled at his lame attempt at humor. "See? It's not so bad. I'm sorry." He took a step closer and put his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I guess I'm not as ok with the Jessica thing as I thought. I'm sorry. I'll work on it." If it took me until the end of time I was going to take that bitch down. "Is there anything you  _didn't_  do with Jessica?"

"Well…let's see. I never took her out in the Chevelle. I never bought her a guitar, or ice cream. I never slept in the same bed as her. I never sang her to sleep. I never even brought her home. I never cared about her. I never just held her in my arms." He pulled me a little closer and grazed my ear with his nose. He really knew how to make a girl forget what she was mad about. "You know what you do that she never did?"

"What?"

"She never made me happy. Never made me wish I wasn't an asshole, never made me get hard just by biting her lip, never made me want to cum just by saying my name, she never made me feel anything the way you do. She definitely never got me to cook a meal for Emmett." I turned around to face him, and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.

"I really am sorry."

"It's alright. To be honest…I get a little jealous of the things you did with Jacob." He picked me up, setting me on the counter, and I wrapped my legs around him. "So, our first fight. I think we did ok. How about you?"

"I think we did alright." I giggled.

"You know…usually after a couple fights…" He leaned in and gave my collarbone a little lick. "They make up." His hand left my back and traveled up my shirt, caressing my breast. I moaned as he started rubbing my nipple, pinching it slightly. His other hand moved between my legs, and I was wet instantly. "You want to know what else I never did with Jessica?" I nodded, not being able to form words while his fingers did their thing, oh those magic fingers. He picked me up with one arm, and I wrapped myself around him, his fingers never stopped moving inside me as he carried me to the bed. He laid me on my back and reached under his shirt to slide off my panties. "Oh fuck, white bikinis, those are my favorite." He growled. He bent down and grabbed my panties in his mouth and pulled them down to my ankles. He looked up and smiled the sexiest grin I had ever seen as he reached down and finished taking my panties off. I was nervous at first, but after Edward kissed me right below my belly button, I realized what he was doing, and I told the alarm bell in my head to kindly shut the fuck up. He kissed his way down and gently went deeper with a lick of his tongue. I was so glad Rose gave me her 2 cents of advice before we started the swimming section of gym class. "Hey, B, don't forget to trim the hedges. Some girls don't and I swear it looks like they have a tarantula in their lap with those damn suits they make us wear. Just a word of advice" God love ya Rose. I had trimmed before, I didn't want a big afro bush down there, but now it was nearly shaved. There wasn't much to get in his way and he took full advantage of that.

It was all over for me. Forget the magic fingers, he had a magic mouth. He was licking, and sucking. Using his fingers. At first I was embarrassed at the way I was basically shoving myself in his face, but he went with it. I had such a tight grip on his hair I was afraid I was hurting him. I didn't care if Alice, Emmett or even the whole damn town heard me, at that point, it felt fucking  _good_  and I was  _loud_.

"Edward!" I cried and my legs closed around his head. He gave me a minute to recover before he laid down next to me. He was wearing a smug expression. I was so overwhelmed, Jacob had never done  _that_. I couldn't believe I had made all that noise. I grabbed the pillow and put it over my face.

"Bella, love, don't be embarrassed. You enjoyed it right?" I nodded under the pillow. He lifted the pillow away from my face, and brushed some hair behind my ear. "Then don't worry about it. I liked the noises you made, lets me know I'm doing a good job." He blew me a kiss. "I'm going to go," he motioned a circle around his mouth "…clean up." Apparently he had more of me on his face than he was comfortable keeping for an extended period of time. I didn't blame him; I didn't really want to have his tongue in my  _mouth_  again until he brushed his teeth.

He did his morning routine and I picked out our clothes for the day. It made me feel closer to him when I wore his clothes. I went against my instincts and grabbed another pair of the jeans Alice gave me. I really did need new clothes; I was starting to think my mom had forgotten to send the rest of my things. I picked out a Theory of a Deadman shirt for him, a Weezer shirt for me.

When we were both done getting ready, we went downstairs hand in hand. Emmett and Jasper were sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ask her." Em whispered.

"No dude, you ask her."

"You're such a pussy." Emmett pushed Jasper off the step and looked up at me. "Um, Jelly Belly? Will you…uh…cook us breakfast again?" He gave me a puppy dog look.

"Em, does my girl fucking look like your own personal chef?" Edward tried to act angry but couldn't hold back his smile. I knew he would love some breakfast just as much the other two.

"Of course I will. You never have to ask. I'll make sure you boys don't starve." I didn't let Edward help this time; I didn't want to violate Esme's clean kitchen with my dirty thoughts. The day was pretty laid back, another guitar lesson, a few games of Wii, and some movies. I broke down and let Alice and Rose give me the clothes they had hidden; Jasper let their secret slip. Charlie was more likely to believe I spent the weekend at Rose's if I came home with a few shopping bags of clothes. I wanted to cook them all dinner again, but Emmett said Esme would get suspicious if there weren't some takeout containers around the house. Edward and I took the Chinese we ordered up to his room. This was our last night together and we wanted to be alone. We snuggled up to together in his bed. We were acting like one of those gross cutsie couples, feeding each other lo mien noodles, sneaking kisses. We watched reruns of  _The Simpsons_  and  _Family Guy,_ needing to watch something funny because if I didn't laugh I was going to cry. How was I going to make it through the week without him next to me? Especially after knowing he loved me? I tried to plot out ways he could sneak into my house on school nights, but it wasn't possible. My eyes started to droop around midnight, but I forced them open.

"You need to go to sleep." Edward pointed out after my head started falling against his shoulder.

"I don't want to, because then it will be morning and this weekend will be over." He crushed me against him, stroking my hair.

"I don't want it to end either." I could hear it in his voice, he was as sad as I was about us having to be apart all week.

I yawned, losing the battle to sleep. "Want me to sing to you?"

"Yes." He sang me to sleep, and the next morning his alarm woke me too early. He was holding onto me for dear life, and my grasp on him wasn't much different. He woke up a few minutes after me, laying kisses all over my face.

"I don't want to share you with all those fucks at school." We held onto each other until Alice knocked on the door warning us that we would be late. We each did our thing in a hurry, not able to spend more than a minute or two apart. We had to say goodbye before we left for school. I cried as I kissed him outside my truck. His own eyes were watery. "It's only a week. It's only a week." He chanted in my ear. "I'll see you at lunch, ok love?" His voice cracked at the end, and I nodded. I drove away in tears, amazed that I made it to school in one piece.

That day was the first of a very long week. It was torture seeing him all day at school and not being able to touch him or kiss him.

"I miss you Bella." He whispered to me over the phone.

"I miss you too." The snow started to get bad, and Emmett couldn't come over to work on the truck. Alice and Rose still came over to keep me occupied, and started buttering up Charlie for the road trip. I was really excited; it would be four days of alone time with Edward.

Jessica was still on the rampage, but now I was in a fighting mood. She bumped into me in the halls, and I would bump back. She tried to trip me one day in Trig, but she was totally obvious about it and I miraculously managed to stay on my feet. She still played nice when she was required to talk to me; completely two-faced. This shit was childish and I was getting pissed. I didn't want to get Edward all work up, so I only told Rose. She got an evil little spark in her eye, and informed me not to worry about it. I didn't want to know so I didn't pry into the details.

Friday night I was jumpy and Charlie noticed. He made it a point to bring up some police horror stories about kids getting caught after sneaking out of the house. I made it a point to bring up the fact that my clumsy ass would never make it  _out_  the window. There was a heart- stopping moment when Edward was climbing up the tree and Charlie came in to check on me. Thankfully, he noticed that I was in my pj's with wet hair, so he believed I wasn't going anywhere. As soon as he left, I shut my door and locked it quietly. I sprinted over to the window ripping the curtains open and throwing up the window. I was petrified that Edward had been mid-jump from branch to roof when Charlie came in and had fallen due to the distraction. I was relieved to find Edward laying flat against the porch roof, both hands clutching the window sill. I helped him up into the window and squeezed him with all my strength.

As soon as I was in Edward's arms, all my worries from the week melted away. Jessica ceased to exist. That first night was just hugging and kissing holding on to each other like we might drown if we didn't. Saturday night, after we were sure Charlie was asleep; Edward gently bit my earlobe then licked the skin behind it.

"Edward…" I whispered in a warning tone, but I did nothing to prevent him from pulling my panties aside. I buried my face in his neck to smother the sounds. "Don't stop." I begged.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." He moaned when I stroked him. "God, love. I want to hear you cum." I made sure he heard me, I pressed my lips right to his ear when I said his name. I held on to him tightly the rest of the night. It would be yet another goodbye tomorrow. This had to stop. It was going to be my New Year's Resolution to get Charlie over his Edward issues. He didn't leave until after midnight Sunday night, and the next morning I was awakened by Alice, waving a cup of coffee under my nose.

"What are you doing here?" I grumbled.

"Charlie called Em, asking if he would drive you to school today. They haven't had to chance to fix your brakes on the truck, and the ice is really bad. Edward needed coffee this morning, so I safely assumed you would too." I sat up and took the coffee. Alice held out some clothes for me. "I took the liberty of picking out your clothes. Hurry up; we're going to be late."

I went to the bathroom and got ready for school. I looked over the clothes Alice gave me. "A skirt, you want me to wear a skirt?" I called through the door. "I'm going to freeze to death in this!"

"Just put it on! It's more for Edward. Sometimes you have to suffer to look good. Besides, I have knee-high boots for you to wear downstairs." The skirt was denim and kinda tight around my butt, but at least it came down to my knees. My legs would be mostly covered so they didn't just fall off from exposure but there was no downplaying my butt in  _this_  skirt. Damn Alice. The shirt wasn't too bad; it was a white peasant shirt with embroidered flowers. It showed off my collarbones. I rolled my eyes, knowing I was screwed when it came to fighting about clothes with Alice. Em was waiting downstairs on the couch, and he averted his eyes then I walked past him.

"Jesus Jelly Belly, you really shouldn't go to school dressed like that. Put a sweatshirt on or something."

"Give it a rest Em. Edward will appreciate it." Alice gave him a playful smack on the shoulder.

"Oh yeah...he's going to love walking around school all day pointing at everyone with his hard on."

"Will you guys stop? Just get me to school!" the ride to school was filled with those two bickering about my clothes. Emmett was acting just like a protective older brother; Alice kept telling him I need to show off the body God gave me.

I was a little uncomfortable with all the looks I was getting from the other boys at school; especially from Mike Newton. Alice noticed, and apologized for not thinking about all the  _other_  hormone jockeys at school when she picked out the sexy outfit for me. When Edward saw me at lunch, his jaw dropped to the floor.

"Ok…that is just not fucking fair." He couldn't keep his eyes off me during lunch. He took Alice's phone and started sending me dirty text messages.

"You know, I hope Charlie never decides to go through your phone. He's going to start to wonder about you and Alice." Em said.

"Ew, Emmett, just ew." I said with a smile."No offence, Alice, I'd do ya in a second if I was a guy." I noticed the look on Jazz's face and quickly added, "And I was Jazz." Alice smiled and rubbed the back of Jazz's head which instantly turned him to butter. Emmett's dirty humor was starting to rub off on me.

I wanted to go over some of my Biology homework, but when I reached into my bag it wasn't there. "Damnit, I think I left my homework in my locker. I'm gonna go get it." Edward started to get up to follow me but I stopped him with a quick look around the cafeteria. "I'll be right back."

"Hurry." I stuck my tongue out at him, and then blew him a discreet kiss disguised as a cough. The halls were completely empty, everyone was at lunch. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket; it was another text from Edward.

_Ur ass looks HOT in that skirt_

I giggled like an idiot, glad that no one was around to see me like this. I made my way to my locker and started rooting around for my homework. I heard someone come up behind me, and at first I thought it was Edward, but I didn't feel the electricity. It scared me a little that someone was that close to me. I spun around and smacked right to Mike.

"Hey Bella." He gave me a lazy smile.

"Mike, what are you doing here?" I took a step backwards, trying to get away from him, but my back hit my open locker and he moved closer.

"Well, I saw you leave the cafeteria and I wanted to know if you thought about my offer to take you out."

"Sorry, Mike I'm not interested." Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew.

"Oh right…cuz you're with Cullen now." He practically spit when he said Edward's last name. Was it that obvious that we were together? Jessica must have told him.

"Well…you're with Jessica, so that doesn't exactly make you free to date." I was holding my phone, wondering if I should text Edward to come help me. Mike was leaning against the locker next to mine, and he put his arm across me, holding on to my open locker door. He was blocking me in.

"Listen Bella, everyone knows Jess wants to fuck Cullen's brains out again. And everyone knows that eventually, all of Cullen's chicks come crawling to me. Jessica fucked me on the side. I once fucked Tanya in the backseat of his Volvo while he was in class." He took another step towards me; I could feel his breath on my neck. "You look like you'd suck a good dick; you shouldn't waste that talent on him. I bet I could make you fucking scream." His hand left the locker door and rested on my hip. I cringed, but there was no where I could go. He had me cornered. I fumbled to open my phone but I dropped it. I was scared shitless, I really didn't think he would try anything too serious in the hallway but just the feel of him next to me was enough to make me wish Charlie was doing his random school check. When Mike leaned in to kiss me, I heard a loud "What the Fuck!" coming from down that hall. It was followed by the sound of something hitting a locker.

Mike was blocking my view, but I didn't have to see to know who it was. I could feel him. I heard another strangled growl. I quickly surveyed the situation, and how it looked to him. From his point of view, it looked like Mike and I were having a secret make out session. He couldn't see the tears in my eyes or that fact that I was shaking. To him, I was Tanya, sneaking around behind his back. Mike turned to see what all the commotion was about and I could finally see Edward's face. He was completely broken and pissed beyond belief. Seeing him like that gave me the balls to smack Mike in the right in his nasty face. I never wanted Edward to think it was possible for me to do something like that.

"You stupid bitch." Mike cried, grabbing the side of his face. He pushed my shoulder and I lost my footing and fell to the floor. The next thing I knew, Edward had Mike by the collar and was slamming him into a locker.

"You keep your fucking hands off her!" Mike laughed at him, and Edward looked like he just might actually kill him. Luckily Emmett and Jasper rounded the corner, pulling Edward away.

"Ooo, I'm so scared. What are you going to do, push me down some stairs?" Edward went to go after him again, but Emmett stepped between them.

"Edward, get Bella out of here. You can't be seen here. I'll take care of Newton."

"That's right Edward; get your little bitch out of here. Bye baby, come see me when you get bored." Jasper put his arm across Edward's chest, pushing him down the hall.

"Go, Edward, just fucking go!" Edward leaned down and helped me to my feet. He put his arm around me as he walked me down the hall to a storage closet. We went inside and Edward locked the door.

"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" He was looking me over; checking to make sure Mike hadn't left any visible marks.

"I'm fine." I leaned against the work bench, still a little shaken, but fine overall.

"I'm going to fucking kill him! I'll beat his fucking face in if he ever touches you again. Are you sure you're ok?" he ran his hand through his hair and I noticed that the knuckles were bloody. Well, that was obviously what hit the locker.

"Edward, your hand." I took his hand in mine, checking to make sure it wasn't broken.

"It's fine, it's not broken. I just…I saw that fuck touch you…." For the first time, I saw tears in his eyes. I wanted to comfort him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face to my shoulder. He crushed me hard against him, gripping my shirt in his fists.

"Edward, I would  _never_  do that to you. I'm not her, ok? I would never hurt you like that."

"The sight of that fucking prick putting his hands on you….Ugh!" He took a few seconds to breathe and calm himself. "I didn't mean to scare you", he reached up and put my face in his hands.

"You didn't scare me." It actually gave me an odd little thrill, knowing how much I meant to him. I pulled his hands down and kissed him on the cheek but he turned his face and wouldn't look at me. I couldn't imagine was what going through his brain. Probably thinking the worst, about what might have happened if he hadn't been there. Probably running over the night he caught Tanya. I wonder if he knew about Mike and her in the back seat? I sure didn't want to be the one to tell him about it. He needed to be reassured that I was his. "Edward…I'm yours. Completely. I'm not Mike's, nor will I ever be,  _gross_. I'm not even…Jacob's anymore. I'm  _your_ Bella." I stumbled over the Jacob part, but as soon as it was out, I realized just how true it really was. He didn't move, he didn't release his hold on me. I needed to prove it to him. I pulled his hands off my back, and sat up on the bench, spreading my legs. He finally looked up at me with a confused expression.

"Bella…"

"Edward, I want you and no one else." I stared to unbutton his jeans, but he grabbed my wrists.

"No. Your first time will not be in a fucking closet at school." I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer. I ignored him and kissed his neck. "Bella, stop." I locked my ankles together behind him. Making my way up his neck, I took his earlobe in my mouth and sucked on it. He moaned and released my wrists. I took his uninjured hand, and slid it up my leg and under my skirt. I pressed his hand against me, letting him now that I was already wet. "This is wrong love."

"No. It isn't. How many times have Alice and Jazz done this? Or Em and Rose? Disappeared into a closet to fool around?" I slid my hand into his pants, teasing his erection with my finger tips. "How often to couples come to class with wrinkled clothes? I'm a normal teenage girl that wants to show her boyfriend that she lo….cares for him. Just for this minute can we not worry about hiding? Not worry that someone is going to tear us apart?" I started stroking him. "Please?" He didn't speak; instead he gave in by pressing his finger inside me. I heard the bell ring for class, and I hoped that Emmett and Jasper didn't get into any trouble. We touched, caressed and pleasured each other, both us gripping each other's hair, eye to eye as we moaned. I didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed when it was over. I felt…good. We weren't the first couple to skip class to screw around and we certainly wouldn't be the last. The only dark cloud that hung over us was the fact that as soon as we walked out of this closet door we would have to avoid each other, not talking again until he called me that night. And I didn't know what to do to make the pain of that knowledge go away.


	23. Chapter 23

**Emmett**

I was trying to adjust my position so I could see down Rose's shirt better when I was interrupted by an elbow to the ribs. I was about to smack a brotha when I realized why Jazz had ruined my fun so abruptly. Bella had just left to go get her homework and Edward was chomping at the bit to go molest her in the hallway but keeping their secret was still too important, so he held out. Thank God he was facing away from the door because he would have lost his damn mind if he would have seen Mike slink his way out behind Bella.

That's why Jazz was jabbing me in the fucking ribs with his pointy ass elbow. We gave each other a look and Jazz mouthed "two minutes". There was no way we were going to let that fucking creep have unsupervised access to my Jelly Belly. I nodded and when I looked back toward the other side of the table Edward was fucking gone. Shit. If he catches Newton around Bella alone all hell is gonna break loose and I don't think my mom can take another "bailing Edward out of jail" family night.

Jasper and I both started to get up at the same time which really fucking sucked because our legs got all tangled up and we ended up on the floor. It wasn't so bad for me but poor Jazz was a fucking mess. I can't blame him; I wouldn't want to be on the floor side of an Emmett sandwich either. I thought Alice was going to gnaw my fucking ears off with her babble about controlling my elephant ass. I just tuned her out as usual and dragged Jasper's ass up off the floor.

We started walking toward Bella's locker fucking praying we'd just be breaking up a Bella/Edward make-out session. Half-way down the hall we heard Edward scream "What the fuck!" I'd heard that tone before from Edward and I could guarantee this was not going to end well. Jazz and I sprinted down the vacant hall and turned the corner in time to see Edward knock the fuck out of one of the lockers next to Mike Newton's head. Mike doesn't know how lucky he was that Edward chose the locker instead of his fucking noggin 'cuz I've wrestled with that bitch enough to know that even though he doesn't look all that massive that fucker can hit.

Mike was making some dick-weed comment to Edward and I swear I thought Ed was going to rip his fucking throat out. I almost cheered when I saw Bella hauled off and bitch-slapped Mike right in his fucking pie hole. Mike wiped the smile right off my face though when he fucking knocked Bella down to the floor. That son-of-a-bitch is gonna have to pay. I have had enough of this prick plaguing our school with his ass-raping, drama-making, fucking Edward-antagonizing asshole ways. A good old ass whooping just wasn't enough for this fuck stick.

Jasper made it up to them first and pushed Edward aside, keeping him away from Mike. I came up and placed myself between the two of them and Mike. If that fucker Mike started swinging I wanted to be the one he hit, that way I could knock his fucking ass out and it would be self-defense, at least that's what I would tell the principal. Not like I'd have to defend myself against fucking Mike Newton. I've probably hit myself harder slipping off my cock while jerking it, but at least I wouldn't get in very much trouble that way.

"Edward, get Bella out of here. You can't be seen here. I'll take care of Newton." Newton just had to keep running his mouth. I had half a mind to let Edward go and cheer him on as he beat his ass to a bloody pulp. Nah, I wouldn't want him to get in trouble again; besides that would take all the fun out of me torturing him later.

"Go, Edward, just fucking go!" Edward and Bella took off and I was left there with Jasper staring a Newton like he was a steak and we were the lions. I just opened my mouth to tell Jasper to grab him before he ran off when Jasper fucking hauled off and lambasted Mike right between the fucking eyes, dropping him like a bad habit.

I stood there dumbstruck with my mouth hanging open. Jazz just shrugged and bent down grabbing Mike's arms and motioning for me to grab his feet. "You know I'm gonna get blamed for that don't you?"

All that fucker could say through his big shit-eating grin was "yeah". I couldn't help but smile myself. Who would have known that our sensitive little Jasper was a bad mother-fucker.

Lunch would be over in about five minutes and the halls would be flooded with witnesses, so we dragged Mike's ass down the hall to the video production room. It was used to tape the morning announcements everyday but after that it wasn't used very often. We tossed his ass in there and with big fucking grins on our faces we stepped in too and closed the door.

"So Mr. Cullen, what kind of production are we thinking of today? Lycan interrogation? Rambo imprisonment scene? Not  _Deliverance_!"

"Oh FUCK no; Jazz you watch way too many fucking movies. We're just going to show everyone what a rotten prick this douche bag is."

We set up a chair and lovely pink non-incriminating backdrop for the pansy-boy. He was starting to come to with a nice little welt on his forehead. Although you couldn't tell it was a bruise yet, it just looked like a big fucking pimple sitting there between his eyes. I reached over to just give him a little tap on that sweet spot on his jaw, you know the one that interrupts the blood flow to your brain and makes you pass out, but Jazz beat me to it and fucking clocked him a good one knocking him right out of the chair.

"Goddamn Rocky, take it easy. He's gonna be all incoherent by the time you're fucking done with him."

Jazz just smiled and pushed Mike back up in the chair. We started looking around the room for props as I told Jasper my plan.

"You are one evil bastard, you know that right?" Jazz commented with an approving smile.

"Yeah, I know, it comes from being around your sister too long."

"That's no fucking joke. Pussy-boy here should be grateful that he's in your hands and not hers. That'd be some scary shit. I've had nightmares my whole life about it."

"Oh, she ain't that bad. She gives good…."

"TMI dude, TMI!"

We both laughed it off and finished gathering our goods. We had everything almost set up when Mike started to mumble and nod his head. We turned the lights off and the spotlight on. Jazz reached over and flipped the camera switch on.

Mike started blinking and tried to shield his eyes from the spotlight but discovered his hands were bound to the chair underneath him.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jazz and I just stood there all stoic and shit. We were going to make this fucker fear his life.

He couldn't see us but we sure as hell could see him and he looked scared shitless. Jazz used the microphone and processor to disguise his voice.

"Welcome back to the world you fucking worthless maggot." Jazz was really getting into this shit. Mike looked down and noticed he was strapped to the chair, bound by his wrists and ankles to the legs of the chair, in his underwear.

"You fuckers better let me go!" Mike whimpered like a little girl.

"Not yet, you haven't told us what we want to know yet." I chimed in using the microphone.

"What the hell do you want to know?"

"Are you cheating on Jessica?" not that we really fucking care but it'd be pretty obvious if we just blurted out 'confess how much of a dick you are and how you love to antagonize Edward Cullen'.

"What? No." Lying bastard.

"Ok, rules are if you don't tell the truth we turn on the juice."

"Wha? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Do you see the wires attached to your nipples?" Mike squinted and looked down. There was a clip attached to each of his nipples connected to a long wire disappearing behind the spotlight. They weren't actually connected to anything, but we sure weren't going to share that information. Apparently Jessica liked to bite hard because any normal fucker would have definitely felt those before we pointed them out.

"There's a couple down lower too" Jazz added with a bit too much enjoyment, he was a little sadistic mother-fucker, who would have guessed.

Mike opened his legs and was greeted by similar clips attached to his scrotum. "Holy Fuck, you've got to be kidding me! Oh my God!" Mike's voice cracked at the end like a little bitch.

"Just tell us the truth and we won't need to use them."

"Fuck off!" Mike started to tear up but he still doubted our seriousness. We figured this might happen so behind the spotlight I called the cell phone we put on vibrate under Mike's ball sack.

"Ahhh, shit, fuck, ok…ok…ok…stop!" We suppressed our giggles and I ended the call.

"Mother fucker we ain't playin'." Jazz really should go out for drama he was enjoying this shit a little too much. Seeing him be all gangsta was making me laugh almost as much as seeing Mike making a vagina look manly.

"Alright, alright, yes, I'm cheating on Jessica…fuck"

"With who?"

"With Lauren"

Aww, damn, that was a surprise. Miss goody-goody two shoes Lauren was takin' the banana up the tailpipe and keepin' it from her BFF.

"She fucking deserves it though. All she can talk about is fuckin' Cullen again. I hate that fucking bastard! I wish Jessica wasn't such a fucking big-mouth so she could have nailed him with those rape charges. I fucking told her to keep her mouth shut or it would never be believable. But no, she had to go fucking run her mouth to anything with two tits and three holes about how many times he got her off and how many ways they fucking did it! AHHH, what a bitch!"

Well, this was working out better than I planned. Mike not only was making himself look like the fucking cunt hair that he is but he was giving hard core evidence that Edward was innocent.

"Hey now, that's no way to talk about the love of your life." I puked a little in my mouth when I said it.

"Love of my life, you've got to be kidding. I don't love her. She's an easy piece of ass that's all, it's convenient. We don't even pretend we're in love."

Jazz reached over and paused the camera.

"Well, here's the thing, we don't believe in sex without love and you running around sticking your dick into anything with a pulse is pissing off the powers that be. Do you understand? The next time you assert yourself on some poor girl without a fucking explicit invitation those little clips won't have anything to hang on to…get my drift? We saw your little escapade with Bella Swan during lunch…." I had to take a breath to contain myself. "…and if you ever so much as look at that girl with more than half a pupil we will make you wish your dick had fallen off from the gonorrhea Jessica gave you over the summer."

Mike closed his legs and sat up a little straighter.

"Are we clear?"

"Yes." Hmm, no backtalk we must be getting through to him.

"Oh" Jazz added, "if you fuck with Edward Cullen anymore we'll invite him to join us for the next session with you." Mike visible tensed at the thought of Edward being present in this situation. He knew all too well how much Edward hated him and would love to torture his ass to death.

Jazz stepped out to finish the session and I couldn't help but pout. He stopped mid-step and motioned for me to proceed. I smiled and I'm sure all Mike saw was a big fucking fist come flying out from the light and then the back of his fucking eyelids…out again.

"That's for fucking touching my Jelly Belly."

Jazz and I cleaned up any evidence, making sure to grab the video tape, and left Mike in the chair for the janitor to find. We stealthily left the video room and wandered on down the hall. I gave a nod to Jazz and a high-five for a job well done then I turned off to go find Rose. I was feeling frisky.


	24. Chapter 24

**EDWARD**

I was lying in bed dreaming about Bella. We were holding each other in a bedroom that matched both our tastes, so I assumed it was our bedroom. We were in college maybe? Living in our own apartment? Strange how you just fucking know those things in dreams. She was naked except for one of my band shirts, no panties. She was smiling that smile that makes my heart race.

 _Tell me again_ , she said.

 _I love you_ , I answered looking into her eyes.

 _I love you too_ she pulled me close and whispered into my ear _._  Those words sounded so sweet coming from her lips. She pushed me over, rolling on top of me. I got hard as a damn rock as soon as I realized what she was doing. Bella leaned over me, licking my neck. I groaned as she kissed my collarbone. She laid soft kisses down my chest to my nipple, and when she bit it I weaved my fingers into her hair. Her hand found my hard on, stroking it in a gentle but firm way. Bella brushed her lips down my stomach, just barely touching me. When I felt her tongue around the head of my dick, I realized…this wasn't a fucking dream.

My eyes snapped open and I pulled Bella up so fast, I was afraid I might have hurt her. She did  _not_ just try to fucking suck my cock. That was a big fat fucking No No. My Bells wasn't fucking dumb either, she figured out real quick why I didn't want her doing it and the look on her face displayed exactly how much it hurt and disgusted her.

I didn't go after her; I knew she would need a minute or two. I laid on the bed wondering if I threw myself out the window if it would actually kill me or just really fuck me up. As much as I would love for her to do that, what guy wouldn't, I couldn't let her. Jessica had fucking ruined blow jobs for me. The dirty sick things Jess convinced me to say when she did it, the way I would hold her head down and practically fuck her face, because that's how  _she_  liked it. It made me physically sick when I remembered it, and I  _ **did not**_  want to do those things to Bella. She was beautiful and fragile, and soft and clean, and I never wanted to see her as the cum-can Jess had been.

I fucking loved her; there was no denying it anymore. I didn't want to risk slipping in the moment and saying or doing something so fucking horrible it would make her leave me. How could I explain to her that the vision I had of her was perfect and I didn't want to soil it by intertwining it with memories of Jessica? I needed to explain that I fucking hated the person I had been when I was with Jess and Bella was the only one that made me better. Of course I had to say all of this without actually saying the words 'I love you' because I wasn't going to push her into something she wasn't ready for.

I got up and went to the door. I could hear her crying. Shit. That was one sound that I couldn't handle. She wanted to do something that had probably been really fucking hard for her to work up the nerve to do, and I fucking shot her down. Leaning my forehead against the door, I started wishing that I could just make the memories of my past just fucking disappear. I wanted, no needed, to make her feel better.

"I love you." I murmured knowing she couldn't hear me but the words gave me the strength to walk in and face the tears streaming down her cheeks. I begged my way into the bathroom, calling her 'love' because I knew the effect it had on her. Yeah, it was a dirty fucking trick, but I just needed her to listen. I almost had another verbal slip, but thankfully I caught myself in time, and I was pretty sure she missed it.

There were things that I never wanted to do  _to_  or  _with_ Bella. Thankfully she wasn't as depraved as that fucking skozza bitch Jessica so I figured I'd be safe. As I started to make an attempt at our first make-up session, I racked my brain for one sexual thing I had never done with Jess. Bella needed it, needed to know that there was one thing that was just ours, fucking hers and mine. When my fingers felt inside her, it came to me. I never, ever, went down on Jessica. I may have been fucking dumb enough to have sex with her, and stick my dick in her mouth, but I had enough sense to know that my  _face_  shouldn't be that close to  _that_  snatch. I guess it's the same kinda thing as kicking something gross with your foot that you'd never touch with your hand.

I did however; want my mouth on Bella's snatch. Very fucking badly. I carried her to the bed; my fingers never stopped doing their new favorite activity. I started to pull down her panties and I fucking growled when I found out they were white cotton bikinis. It was too much, the impulse to literally get on my knees and beg for sex almost overtook me, "PLEASE let me fuck your brains out" is what I wanted to say but I managed to keep it at bay. This was for her.

She tasted so fucking good; I could do this every day. After the first tongue thrust she grabbed on to my hair for dear life and did not let go. She was moaning and whimpering, lifting herself to my face, matching my rhythm. It was unbelievably sexy to see her let go and not be ashamed that she was enjoying it. I felt her whole body shake when she came. She was still trembling when I laid down next to her. She was embarrassed of course and blushing like crazy. My sweet Bella; crying out my name one minute and too ashamed to look at me the next. It was fucking cute as hell.

I excused myself to clean up and took a shower. The memory of her arching her back, with her eyes rolled back while she came, was still fresh on my mind, so I decided to take care of myself. Imagining that was definitely going to make mornings without her a little easier to deal with.

I spent the rest of the day attached to her hip. Tomorrow I would have to fucking say goodbye to her, watch her walk through the halls of school without me by her side. I'd have to spend four empty nights alone, with only the sound of her voice to comfort me. I wanted to remember every second I was with her. I watched her laugh at the stupid TV shows we watched to avoid the sadness of the night. Her smile didn't reach her eyes and her laughs sounded hollowed out by misery.

She forced herself to stay awake but I knew she was fucking tired so I sang her to sleep. I wrapped my arms around her so tightly she whimpered a little. I studied her face, memorized the curves of her body and buried my face in her hair. I needed all the memories I could get to make it through the fucking week. Honey and jasmine. Tanya had smelled like that, sort of, but you could always smell the chemical underneath it. It was some cheap perfume her mother always bought her. I used to love it, but it didn't compare to Bella, it was her natural scent.

I stayed awake half the night, giving her soft kisses, whispering that I loved her. When I woke up, she was staring at me, tears in her eyes already. During our goodbye, she cried into my chest and I wanted to throw her in my Volvo and just drive away. I watched her leave, barely breathing. I thought my fucking chest just might explode. Em walked up behind me and squeezed my shoulder.

"Aww, it'll be alright. You want to squeeze  _my_ boob?" Emmett stuck out his chest and offered his plump man-pec for the groping. I just punched him in the shoulder with a half-grin on my face and walked toward the car. "It's ok man. You'll see her at lunch. You can cop a feel under the table or something. " Lunch wasn't fucking enough. It was like giving one drop of water to a thirsty man. I missed her and I told her that every night on the phone. The days were fucking long. The teachers and the students were already geared up for winter break and the classes were fucking pointless. Bella and I held hands underneath the biology table every chance we got, desperate for the electric pulse we gave each other.

Bella finally gave in and let Alice and Rose give her all the clothes they bought. Although I thought it was kind of nice to see her in something other than baggy shirts and jeans, it pissed me off that all the fuckers at school were oogling the same curves I was. I tried to take solace in the fact that I knew those curves intimately, and they didn't, but that only carried me so fucking far. I caught Newton and Yorkie checking out her ass more than once. I couldn't fucking do a damn thing about it either, and they knew it. My hand would start to form into a fist but Newton would laugh, give me the finger and walk away. Someday I was going to break that fucking finger off and shove it up his ass.

Bella never said anything more to me about Jess fuckin' with her but towards the end of the week, Jessica walked past me licking her lips and blowing me a kiss.

"Bet Bella doesn't make you cum like I did." She called from behind me. I almost threw up on my Chucks. I was going to have to fucking set Rose loose again.

Alice and Rose had settled into a weekday routine at Bella's house. They would go over there and hang out for a couple hours every day after school, the guys and I spent our free time either in the music room or playing video games.

"Hey, so…we're all going on a road trip during winter break. The girls picked Friday Harbor. Alice already asked Bells and she said yes." Jazz said while I kicked his ass in Halo.

"Well thanks for fucking letting  _me_  know. Am  _I_  invited, you loser-bitch…." Friday Harbor was four and a half hours away. Four and a half glorious fucking hours away from every person that wanted to keep me and Bella apart.

"Yeah you little fuck, you'd better thank us. Instead of cranking our yanks, our girlfriends are flirting with a middle aged, balding, mustache-yielding police chief, so that _you'll_ stop being a fucking emo-pussy-bitch." Em grumbled.

"Well, thanks. Not many guys would endure losing their ass day after day,  _after day_ , playing video games with me while their girlfriends spent time with  _my_  girlfriend, that  **I** can't be with, buttering up her dad, because there is no way in hell he'd let her be within 50 feet of me by choice, so that they can have third-wheel-free sexcapades for four days. Must be a real bitch. Besides  _both_ of them come home and knock one out for you cuz they feel guilty for being away every day anyway, quit your pissing and moaning. I have to wait all fucking week to even be close enough to touch Bella." It was all too true and they fucking knew it so they shut the fuck up about it.

Waiting for the day I could have Bella in my arms again passed by so fucking slow, I thought I was going to fucking pull my hair out. I had no intentions of leaving her side, once I was able to get close to it, so I packed a backpack with some essentials and parked the Volvo behind Jazz's house. It was kind of a fucking hike from his house to hers, but it was worth it. I knew it would be safe there and Jazz would use it to drive to my house to spend his nights with Alice. They would all cover for me with Carlisle and Esme while I was spending quality time with my girl.

I was right in the middle of jumping from the tree to roof top when I saw Charlie walk past her window. It scared me so fucking bad that I lost my footing and almost slid off the fucking roof. That would have been perfect, Charlie finding me broken in his yard with a bag full of clothes, boxers and the condoms I carried just in case. I was sweating and I damn near lost my hold on the window sill but thankfully Bella opened her window and pulled me in.

I only left her side when it was time to hide in the closet, which thankfully didn't happen that much. Charlie was working long hours and was only home for a few hours before he went to bed. I kissed her touched her, caressed her all weekend. I didn't want to fucking let her go. Sunday, Em had to send me threatening text messages to get me to come home. He took a picture of himself holding a lighter next to my new guitar. He would fucking do it too. He'd buy me a new one of course, but he'd still give it a little burn mark. I said goodbye to Bella with a lump in my throat. It was starting to actually cause me physical pain to leave her.

I couldn't sleep that night. The memory of her standing at her window with tears in her eyes kept me awake. Alice woke me up that next morning, but this time after my alarm was going off.

"Long night?" Alice handed me a cup of coffee with a sympathetic smile.

"It's getting really fucking hard to say goodbye to her." Alice patted my shoulder.

"It'll get better Edward. Just…think about the road trip."

"Is she even allowed to go?" I felt like I might be getting my hopes up for nothing.

"Well…Charlie hasn't exactly said no…" Alice averted her eyes.

"But he hasn't exactly said yes either."

"He will. Leave it to me. Thought about Bella's Christmas gift yet?" Oh fuck. I had completely forgotten that Christmas was only a couple weeks away. I had been too focused on seeing Bella.

"No." How do you wrap your heart and soul?

"Well…you better get cracking!" She left me to get ready for school. She and Em were already gone when I left. I didn't see either of them all morning. I did, however, hear a bunch of fucking morons whispering about Bella's clothes and I got really worried. What the fuck was up with Bella's clothes? I had a horrible feeling Rose might have dressed her, though I couldn't see Bella agreeing to that.

I was the first to the lunch table; I wanted to see what all the fucking fuss was about. Alice walked up with Jazz. She had a huge fucking smile on her face. I could see Bella's head but not her actual body in the sea of students getting ready to gorge themselves on Mrs. Alberdein's nasty nachos. Alice did this weird unveiling gesture and stepped out of the way.

Bella was…fucking hot. It wasn't this overtly sexual outfit like the kind Rose wears. It was simple and kinda plain, but on her it was fucking amazing. I think it was the first time I'd ever seen her in something other than black. The skirt hugged her hips and showed off her butt. I could see her neck, bare collarbones, and the swell of her hips. Three of my favorite parts on her. Apparently there was no longer anything I could tell Jazz that would remain a fucking secret. And the boots…the boots were just…giving me a very hard time. There was a quick flash of something I'd like to do that involved those boots, but that wasn't a Bella type thing.

I was practically drooling on the lunch table. I stole Alice's phone and started sending Bella some sexy texts; nothing too bad, just enough to make her blush. Seeing those collarbones all pink and flushed was almost enough to make me fucking jizz in my pants. I understood now why everyone was talking about her clothes. Bella never showed off that much skin, and it wasn't even that much by normal standards. Her arms were bare and there was like an inch of skin between her skirt and her boots. I could see eyes flitting in her direction during lunch, checking her out. It was kind of fucking pissing me off. This was one of those times I wished I could just do something as fucking simple as putting my arm around her. I wanted to tell everyone to back the fuck off  _my_  Bella.

Bella went to get her Bio homework and I wanted to go with her, not only because I was hoping for some quick action but because I really didn't like the way the males in this cafeteria were following her every movement. She had enough sense to stop me and I tried to make myself feel better by checking her out while she walked away. Goddamn her ass looked hot. And I fucking told her so, as fast as my fucking fingers could text.

Not being able to touch her everyday was turning me into a horny fucking asshole. I couldn't help it, and while I sat there waiting for her to come back, the thought of those boots wrapped around me drove me out of my seat and towards her locker. I just needed to fucking touch her. Feel her skin against mine; fill my nose with her scent. Just a kiss on the fucking cheek would ease my pain.

I turned the corner hoping I would catch a glimpse of Bella bending over in her locker. I wanted some more images to assist me with my morning wood issues and because she loved it when I wrapped my arms around her from behind and nuzzled against her neck.

Instead I saw fucking Mike Newton, with his fucking hands all over  _my_  girl. That shit was not going to happen. It took everything  **I** had, and Jasper and Emmett, to keep me from killing that mother fucker.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My fists would not relax and I should have been more worried that I was probably ripping Bella's pretty shirt, but I couldn't let go of her. I wanted to feel her electricity against me and know that it was mine, that I was the only one that felt it. The image of Mike touching her, his lips so dangerously fucking close to hers…it would just not fucking leave me.

I had, in all literal sense of the word, wanted to fucking kill him. If Jazz and Em hadn't stopped me, I just might have actually done it. It wasn't just the fact that he hit on her. It was the fact that he touched her…pinned her against her will. When he knocked her to the floor, my vision turned fucking red and a weird animalistic need to protect her took over my whole being.

Mike may be a fucking idiot, but he knew how to piss me off and I was pretty sure he had planned that shit. Making it look like him and Bella were sneaking around on me. It wouldn't surprise me if Jessica was the fucking mastermind behind the whole thing.

It had almost worked.  _Almost_. For one brief horrifying moment it felt like my whole world had shattered into a million pieces, seeing Tanya climb out of that car had been fucking  _nothing_  compared to this. Everything started moving in slow motion. I didn't even feel any pain when my fist connected with the locker door.

Until I saw Bella's face; then I understood something was very fucking wrong. Everything sped up to normal speed and I still wasn't entirely clear on what happened. Bella fucking clocked him a good one and I  _knew_ she didn't want him near her….after that I only remember Jazz pulling me off him.

I was ashamed of myself for ever doubting Bella, even if it was just for a second. I couldn't look at her. I didn't want her to see the fear on my face; the fear that someone was always going to be trying to take her from me. The fear of what might happen the next time someone decided to fucking hit on my girl. I made a promise to myself in the beginning that if Bella ever chose someone else, I would step aside, as long as she was fucking happy. I realized now, I had been fucking kidding myself. I could never just stand aside and let someone else touch her and that really fucking scared me.

Bella loosened my grip and hopped up on the work bench. I was really fucking confused when she spread her legs, but when I met her eyes, I knew what she wanted. I knew that look, it was the same one she had when she took off her shirt after our date. She was trying to fucking prove to me that I was the only one.

I was not about to take her in some filthy storage closet. But she was making the situation very fucking difficult by wrapping those boots around me. This was what I had wanted when I got up to follow her, but now it was fucking tainted. It wasn't cute and fun, it was dirty and wrong. It had turned into a matter of possession. I tried to resist, I really fucking did, but you can only hold back for so long when your girlfriend is pressing your hand against her panties, showing you that she's wet for you.

 _Mine, mine, mine_ , was all I could think as I pumped my fingers inside her. I was revolted by my thoughts. I should have been thinking about the fact that she said she wasn't Jacob's anymore. I should have been thinking about how much I loved her, but I wasn't. She was  _my_  Bella,  _my_  girl and it was  _my_  name she called out when the pleasure overtook her and she came all over  _my_  fingers.

When we were done, it was my turn to be ashamed. Bella wasn't though, she never blushed, and her eyes never wavered from mine. I couldn't take it; I buried my face in her neck and cried.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bella and I stayed in the closet until the final bell rang. We didn't really fucking care at that point if the whole school put two and two together and noticed that we were both missing. We couldn't let each other go. I felt like a piece of shit and she kept trying to comfort me.

I reluctantly let her leave alone with the usual promise that we'd talk on the phone. I stayed a few feet behind her, watching, making sure no one else was going to touch her. Now I was only a small step above a stalker and that just made the day so much fucking better. Jazz was leaning against my car; looking rather cheerful for someone that just had to stop his best friend from breaking someone's fucking neck. Alice was trying to stare daggers at him but she was never able to pull that off when it came to him.

"Why won't you tell me what happened?" Alice begged.

"Babe, you don't need to know." He gave her a casual little pat on the head.

"I think I do. The whole school is talking about how Mike was found in his underwear tied to a chair and you and Em have been walking around with huge smiles on your faces since you disappeared during lunch." That caught my fucking attention.

"What? Jazz…what did you guys do to Newton?" Should I hope for murder?

"The less you guys know the better, but I don't think he's going to be bothering you or Bella again."

"Bella? What did he do to Bella? Is she ok?" Alice looked to me, panic clear on her face. "Oh God, did he hurt her? Where is she?" I wanted to tell her, assure her that Bella was fine but I also didn't want her to know about how I treated Bella like a fucking possession.  _Mine, mine, mine._ I tried to shake my head clear of those thoughts _._ Jazz caught my hesitation and filled Alice in.

"That…fucking asshole." The 'f' word usually sounded alien coming out of Alice's mouth, but she put so much force and emotion behind it this time, it sounded perfectly normal. "Has she left yet? Where's Rose? I think we need to go over to her house. I'm sorry Jazz. Rain check?"

"Of course, go take care of Bells. " He kissed her on the forehead and she took off for Rose's car, texting away like a madwoman. "I think we need a jam session, what do you think?" He asked as he climbed into my car.

"Yeah." It was a hollow response. Music, I needed some fucking music to make this all go away. Bella had desperately tried to convince me that the situation wasn't as bad as I thought. She had been the one to initiate it and that making her feel like she belonged to me made her happy.

"I don't belong to a ghost anymore. I'm a living person's girlfriend again, why is that so horrible?" She said. "It's not any different than how I feel when I see Jessica looking at you." But it was different. I wasn't quite sure how, but it just fucking was. Maybe because I was the man, and usually men that acted like I did were the same kind of men her father thought I was. Possessive and abusive. I wanted to prove him wrong, not drop to his fucking expectation. Bella deserved better than that.

"Hey, thanks Jazz." For being a great friend… and for stopping me from going to jail for murder.

"No prob man. I really thought you were going to fucking strangle him. We heard you yelling from down the hall. After seeing Bella on the floor…I had to force myself to stop you. But he got his."

"Are you going to share with me what you two did?"

"Nope. Let's just say…Rose would be proud of us." Oh shit, it must be pretty damn evil and fucked up if Rose would give it her seal of approval. I was suddenly glad he wouldn't tell me. "We got some good dirt too, something we can hold over this head if he tries anything with her again."  _If he ever tries anything with Bella again, you won't have the chance to hold anything over his head. It won't be attached to his body,_  I thought, but kept my mouth shut.

"Is Bella ok?" He only asked out of formality, he knew me well enough to know if she wasn't, I wouldn't be fucking driving him to my house to fuck around in the music room.

"Yeah. No visible marks." Maybe some emotional ones.

"Are  _you_ ok?" I wanted to shrug it off and say I was fine. To wait until Alice came home so we could have one of our little chats but I didn't know how long she would stay with Bella and I couldn't have this shit festering for hours.

"No dude. I'm not fucking ok. I'm a fucking piece of shit." I told him everything. I even gave some details I wouldn't normally share with Alice because it was Jazz and I could fucking do that shit with him. I hadn't finished by the time we pulled into my driveway; he patiently waited until I was done before he said a word.

"You know, I never told you this, but…last year, you remember when Yorkie came to school with a broken nose?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I fucking did that." Oh shit. Jazz the badass. "Alice didn't want me to tell you, cuz she knew you'd go all protective brother on her, and so would Em. I caught him grabbing her ass…I was really surprised he never told anyone. I think he felt like a pussy cuz I'm not the biggest guy in the world. He's been after Alice for years, since you guys first moved here. He is the one person that enrages me when he's around Alice. Not that I like it when other guys hit on her, but I don't have the urge to kill _them_. Newton is that person for you. Fuck, I think Newton is that person to almost everyone. You didn't really act any differently than any other guy at school would if they caught him touching their chick and backing her into a corner."

"I don't fucking care about wanting to fuck him up. I care about the after. That's the part that sickens me."

'So, you and Bella fooled around in a closet, big deal. You're teenagers. After the shit Tanya and Skankica put you through, it's not really all that surprising that you have some jealousy issues. You didn't force Bella against her will and you didn't hurt her. You aren't as fucking horrible as you think you are, because right now, all you can think about is her feelings."

"It's not that fucking easy."

"Fuck man." Jazz let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, you love Bella correct?"

"Yes."

"Would you ever physically force yourself on her?"

"Fuck no."

"Then stop your fucking belly aching and be glad that you got a little action while she was in those fucking boots." I gave Jazz a sharp look. "I'm sorry, I love Alice and Bella is like a sister…but those fucking boots were HOT…I really wish Alice would wear them."

"Screw you Jazz."

"Well, that  _was_  the whole point of Alice dressing her like that. So you two would sneak off and get a chance to act a little silly for awhile. You guys don't exactly have it easy. She knows how hard it is, for both of you, to be separated all week."

"Great, my sister now plans my sexual activities." I felt marginally better about myself. Jazz was right, that fucker. He's been around Alice too long. Our time in the music room ended up being a total fail because of my hand. It wasn't broken, but it was pretty damn fucked up. I looked for any activity to give me a distraction, but now that the adrenaline was gone, my hand hurt like a bitch.

Alice wasn't at Bella's long and she found me and Jazz in my room just watching TV. I didn't want Esme and Carlisle to know about the day's events; so I had Jazz run down and get me some ice and we hid out in my room. The two of them cuddled up on my couch, not really wanting to leave me alone with my thoughts. They were right to stay because my mind kept going back to the hallway. The way he had gripped her hip,  _my_  hip, the way he had called her a stupid bitch….

"Edward…your hand." Alice said gently. I glanced down to see my fists clenched again, the barely formed scabs broken and bleeding. She ran down to Carlisle's office to get some bandages.

"I need to be with Bella, Alice. Tonight." I whispered.

"I don't think that's such a good idea. What about Charlie?"

"I really don't give a flying fuck about Charlie. I need to know that she's safe."

"I just left there, she's fine. She's worried about you though."

"Alice." I walked over to her and tilted her face up to look me in the eye. "Please don't make me beg, because I will. And if you don't help me, I'll fucking do it myself." She ran her fingers through her spiky hair. It was weird how sometimes we completely mirrored each other.

"Ok, ok. Charlie usually goes to bed an hour before you guys start talking. Bella said during the week he usually gets up around five, and he waits to leave until he sees her ready for school. I'll drive you but you have to swear to be careful and either not sleep or set your cell alarm. I really don't feel like losing my brother  _and_  my best friend." She said the last part as a joke but it didn't reach her eyes. If I was caught in Bella's room, I think Charlie might just forget about his oath to serve and protect. I wasn't too worried though, we managed to pull this off on the weekends.

As we were hatching our plan the thought occurred to me that my sister should pursue a career in the FBI after she graduates. She has some serious skills when it comes to planning shit out. Charlie didn't have a fucking chance. I packed my bag much faster than I'd ever admit to anyone. I had to snicker when I pushed to condoms aside looking for the box of tic tacs I threw in there last week. I was happy to find them, lord knows I didn't want a wicked case of halitosis when I was going to see my Bella, but I couldn't help but feel a little sad wondering if the other box would ever get used. Would Bella ever be ready to take that step? I was  **so** ready. Ready to tell her I love her, ready to show her how much. God knows little Edward was ready…fuck he was ready. But Bella was not ready, she could hardly even look at me when I fucked up and let the word 'love' fly out of my mouth. I was not going to just fuck Bella, not like Jessica, I wanted it to be special. I wanted her first time to be an amazing act of love and togetherness, as much as it could be; I heard it hurt like a bitch for the girl. Tanya said she cried her first time, and Bella was much more…breakable. I don't even know if I will be able to go through with it if she cries, I could never put myself above hurting her. Mental note, throw in a small bottle of lube…according to Em, it helps. Hmph, I smiled to myself, there's something else that could be just Bella's: I've never been with a virgin. Both Tanya and Jessica had been with other people before me. I would be Bella's first….and she would be my first virgin. Not exactly the same but at least it was something I could give her.

I trekked down the stairs and Alice headed out the door without a word. She drove past Bella's house and we saw her light on. Was she waiting for me? My heart sped up and I felt the familiar pull. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway and I could see the lights of the TV through the downstairs windows. Shit, Charlie was still up. Alice pulled up past a line of trees so none of the houses would see when the interior light turned on as I made my exit.

I made my way to Bella's yard, weaving around trees like some fucking peeping Tom. Why did something that felt so right, being with Bella, have to make me feel like I'm committing a crime? Maybe because to Charlie it would be, probably punishable by death in his eyes. So I had two options, either wait for him to go to bed and fall asleep or risk going in with him awake.

I couldn't just stand by and wait when I was so close to her. Fuck it. I needed be feel her, hold her… be with her. I zigzagged over to the big oak tree in the front yard, the one I climbed up to get to the porch roof and to Bella's window. I heard a muffled "whoo Hoo" come from the living room and could see through the window that Charlie was watching a basketball game. Hopefully that would keep him occupied. I checked to see if any fucking nosey neighbors were letting their dogs out or something. Coast was clear, lawns were shit free.

I had done this so many times that climbing the tree was nearly effortless now. I paused when I got to the big branch that hovered over the porch roof. I stopped to listen so I could figure out where Charlie was. I heard clanking in the kitchen. Looks like Charlie was having a late night snack. I bet it was Bella's fucking lasagna. She mentioned making it for dinner at lunch today; I bet it was fucking delicious. I had to be careful, the kitchen was directly under Bella's room and I'm sure Charlie would notice any out-of-the-ordinary noises. Then his ass would come up there and it would not be good to be caught with my ass half in the window, backpack fucking slung across my shoulder.

I lowered myself down as quietly as I could and avoided all the spots I knew were slippery with moss or loose shingles. I made my way to Bella's window and looked inside. She was sitting on her bed looking at a photo album. She looked happy….and sad at the same time. She flipped another page and grinned before wiping at her eyes. Was she crying? I reached for the window which she always had cracked a little, just enough for my fingers to grip and push it up, but I stopped when I noticed she was rubbing her left forearm. I'd never noticed her doing that before. She turned the page again; same little grin and another little sniffle. I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't bear seeing her the slightest bit unhappy. Her head snapped up with the slight creak of the window. Her face lit up when she saw me. She tossed the book aside and came bounding, on tiptoes of course, over to me. She threw her arms around my neck and pushed her face into my chest. I was so happy to see her. I threw my arms around her waist and just held on. We stood there for a few minutes before I opened my eyes and looked at the door. It wasn't a usual night for me to come over so Bella never shut her door all the way. It was open, just a crack, but enough for Charlie to see through if he decided to walk by. I pushed her off of my chest and motioned toward the open door. She understood made her way over to it. She stepped out of the door and yelled down to Charlie, "Night, Dad."

"Good night Bells, love ya.", from the garbled sound of it he was still on the couch watching TV and eating lasagna.

Bella shut her door and locked it. We met each other halfway and I couldn't help but smother her in kisses. She seemed just as eager to reciprocate the gesture. When both of us had satisfied our need, at least temporarily, we walked hand in hand to her bed. We sat down and she turned, scooping her legs up and draping them over mine. "Well, this is a surprise." she whispered through her big fucking grin.

"Yeah, I couldn't wait until lunch tomorrow to see you. Kinda sad, isn't it?" I knew it was pathetic, no sense in hiding it. I was in deep, no way to hold back now.

"No….I was wishing I could see you too. I kept checking the time, waiting for you to call so I could hear your voice." Hmm, maybe she's drowning too. Perhaps the possibility of moving to the next level in our relationship isn't such a long way away.

"I'm going to say it one more time and then I'll drop it, ok. I am so fucking sorry about today. I don't ever want to treat you as a possession or make you feel like I want to control you. But that fucker…" my voice started to get louder so I had to stop and get myself back under control. "…that fucker Newton needs to stay the hell away from you. He has no respect for women and would love to hurt you just to get to me. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have reacted like such an asshole. I…..I care a lot about you and couldn't stand the sight of him being that close to you."

"I told you before, Edward, its fine. Don't you think I wished I could do that exact same thing whenever Jessica looks in your general direction?" I felt her tiny fists clench, but she took a deep breath and continued. "I didn't feel like you were controlling me. I felt like you were protecting me. I wasn't sure what to do; he had me trapped between him and my locker door and I was scared…until you got there. Then I wasn't scared anymore, I was worried; worried that you would think that I actually wanted that disgusting asshole anywhere near me."

"Yeah, well you answered that question pretty clearly when you fucking clobbered him in the chops." I couldn't help but smile when I said it. "You know…Em might actually trade the Chevelle for a chance to see you hit Jessica like that."

Bella blushed, so fucking cute, and cuddled into my chest. I laid back on the bed but had to ask Bella to get up when I realized that I laid down right on top of the fucking book that Bella had been looking at. We sat up and I reached behind me and grabbed it. I looked into my girl's eyes and they seemed to be a little embarrassed and maybe a bit worried.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'….I…I just don't want you to get mad." She looked down at her feet and played with her fingernails.

"I'm not going to get mad, love. What is it?" My heart started to speed up again but not in a good way. What was she so worried about telling me? "Is it something in here?"

"Sort of." What the hell was in that book that she thought I would be mad at?

"Here, I'll just show you." She opened the book and started flipping through pages. There were pictures from her childhood; her and her mom, the whole family, Charlie and Renee looking very young together, Bella as a little girl looking adorable. I didn't see anything that would even remotely get me irritated let alone mad. I was confused, until she turned another page. There he was. Jacob. The next couple pages were filled with pictures of him…and her. They were playing around in the pool, hanging out on a porch swing, at a Halloween party dressed as a Fred and Wilma Flintstone, cuddled up on the couch, kissing; that one stung a little but it didn't make me mad.

"You thought I'd be upset because you still have pictures of Jacob?" Wow, how much of a fucking asshole did she think I was, especially considering I still had a picture of Tanya; though I haven't even glanced at it since we spent the night together in the truck?

"Love, I'm not going to be mad that you are looking at old pictures. Its part of who you are, I couldn't get mad at that." I bent over and kissed her forehead. She grinned a bit and took the book out of my hands at sat it on the floor.

"I wasn't looking at it for Jacob." She turned and sat cross-legged on the bed. "I wanted to see my mom. I'm kinda missing her. There was a Christmas card from her and my stepdad in the mail today. We didn't part on the best of terms but I do miss the way it used to be." She wiped away a small tear at the corner of her eye. I pulled her back down on top of my chest.

"Tell me about it." I really did want to hear it but most of all I thought she might feel better if she was able to talk about it. I was still feeling guilty about the closet, and I was searching for a way to make it up to her. "Please, love."

"Well…my mom and I were almost like best friends. We did everything together, took all kinds of classes, traveled. I was her maid of honor when she married Phil. Then...Jacob died…and I lost it. Renee always had this 'keep your chin up' motto, and she only gave me a few weeks to mourn. But Jake's friends kept harassing me, and I couldn't…say goodbye. When I…when I couldn't move on, she started getting annoyed. She started trying to hook me up with her friends' sons." I noticed Bella was absently rubbing her arm again. What the fuck? Why had I not noticed this before? I tried to think back, but I don't think she's ever really talked about her mom in great detail before. "She kept telling me it wasn't normal for a teenage girl to be so upset about losing a boyfriend. Phil started to spend more time away from the house, he couldn't handle being around me. When my depression started to create a wedge between them, she said it was either time to get over it or leave. So…she made arrangements for me to come here. I didn't want to leave….Jacob….there. There was a huge fight…she tried to hide my locket. We didn't even say goodbye, she had Phil drop me off at the airport." Bella was quiet for a minute or two. I just held her, stroking her hair. "She used to call every day, but after Charlie told her I had friends, she barely calls at all now. Maybe once a week. Now that I'm Happy Bella...it just seems like she's done with me."

"Wait…Happy Bella?"

"Oh…that's…a long story." She hid her face, she was embarrassed and I knew to drop it. "Anyways, just…I would like to see her, show her that I really am happy again."

"Would your mother approve of me?" It would be nice to have one ally inside her family.

"I honestly don't know. Maybe if she met you before Charlie got to her. She had a thing for a musician back in high school…"

"Hmm…maybe if I serenaded her." I smiled down at Bella, hoping jokes would help. "Take her for a ride in the Chevelle...buy her an ice cream."

"Geez, I want her to approve of you, not fall in….not want to date you herself." Bella finished quickly. Was she just about to say…fall in love? She was still hiding her face, but I could see the tips of her ears turn red. Nice to know I wasn't the only one to have verbal fuck ups. I pulled her up to face me, if this was it; I wanted to see her face.

"Bella…" I took her face in my hands, gently rubbing my thumbs against her cheek. It was right on the tip of my fucking tongue, but Bella laughed nervously.

"Are you going to stay the whole night?" Fuck, she still wasn't ready. I gave her a weak smile, and wrapped my arms around her.

"Yeah, but I'll leave before Charlie gets up." I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice, but I wasn't sure I was successful. I started to reason with myself in my head. Bella had only loved Jacob, and she just started to let go of him. I however, have been falling in love with her since that day at lunch when we had our first moment.  _Patience, Edward_ , I heard Alice's voice say in my head. I decided to change the subject. "Maybe you should call your mom, maybe she's waiting to hear from you. She might be feeling horrible about the fight and waiting for you to forgive her."

"That was rather insightful. Channeling Alice again?"

"I guess. It happens sometimes." I shrugged. It does happen…occasionally.

"Yeah…maybe I will call her." We heard Charlie's footsteps coming up the stairs and we stayed silent until the sound of snoring was apparent. "Sing to me?"

"Of course." We crawled under the covers and I sang into her ear until her eyes closed and she was limp against me. I smoothed the hair away from her face. She was so fucking beautiful. I would do anything for her, do anything to protect her, do anything to make her happy. If that meant never telling her that I fucking loved her…well then…I'd never say it. My eyelids started to get heavy and I set my cell alarm for 4:30am. I figured that would give me enough time before Charlie woke up. I gave Bella a final kiss on the forehead and snuggled closer.

My alarm went off too soon. It ended up waking both of us.

"Edward?" She said my name in a dreamy way, like she wasn't sure if she was really looking at me.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm glad you came last night. I'm glad you protected me from Mike, and I'm glad you are so patient with me. I'm…you make me very happy." I understood what she was trying to say, and I nodded. She got her point across.

"You make me very happy too." It wasn't the words I wanted to say, but it was close enough. "I have to go. I'll see you at lunch, ok?"

"Alright." I started to climb out of bed, but she grabbed my hand. "Edward, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, love." Ugh, we were so close! I could feel it. She was trying to say everything but the actual words. "Please no sexy outfits today or the male population at school is going to take a serious beating." She blushed and smiled. That smile was going to be the fucking death of me.

"Yes sir. I think I need a break from the Alice clothes for awhile anyway." That gave me an idea.

"Does your dad pay attention to your clothes?"

"No, not really why?" I reached into my bag and pulled out the Saving Abel t-shirt I had packed. I might not be able to walk down the halls holding her hand like I fucking wanted, but at least knowing she was wearing something of mine would make me feel better.

"Would you wear this today?" It wasn't possessive for her to wear my clothes was it? This jealously thing was a bitch. She hesitated and I started to put it back. "You don't have to."

"No!" She jumped up and grabbed it out of my hands. "I want to. I just…don't have anything to give you to wear." Her eyes scanned her room and landed on her dresser. "Wait…" Bella went over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. I was hoping like hell she wasn't going to come up with some fucking girlie tank top for me to wear under my shirt or some shit like that because if she did, I'd fucking wear it and hope to God Em didn't fucking find out. She rooted around for a minute and pulled out a small black leather thong bracelet with a tiny 'B' charm dangling from it. "I made it at summer camp when I was like...10." She bit her lip and put it around my wrist. She got so excited over small things sometimes, and it was fucking cute as hell. "There, now next time Jess looks at you, hopefully she'll see that and it will remind her to back the fuck off." A cussing, jealous Bella was kinda fucking sexy. I suddenly wanted to grab her and throw her down on the fucking bed, but the clock on the nightstand reminded me of the time.

"I'll see you soon." We kissed goodbye and I climbed out the window. I texted Alice and not all that surprisingly, she texted back right away. I was really starting to wonder if she ever fucking slept.

"Everything better now?" Alice asked after I got into the car and she handed me some coffee.

"You are going to get me addicted to this shit." I took a sip anyway. "And yes, everything is better. Sort of. Did you know she's been fucking missing her mom?"

"Yes, I did know that. I was there when she got the card in the mail. I told Bella to call her." I burst out laughing at that.

"Why is that funny?" Alice looked at me like I'd lost my fucking mind.

"Cuz I said the same fucking thing to her. Then she asked me if I was channeling you."

"You need sleep."

"Yeah, I do. I'll sleep in class. Last week before break, we don't learn anything new." I rubbed my hand over my face and through my hair.

"What's that?" Alice asked with a smile. I didn't realize what she was talking about until she reached over and flicked the little 'B' on my wrist.

"Oh…that's…Bella's." Slightly embarrassed.

"Awww. You guys are so cute!"

"Shut up Alice."

"Just wait until Em sees it." I groaned. I could only imagine was he was going to say.

"You have to convince Charlie to let Bella go on the road trip."

"I will, I will." We rode in a silence for a bit. I had almost drifted off when Alice spoke again. "She's so close, Edward. You should see the way her face lights up when she talks about you. She doesn't even mention Jacob anymore. Yesterday….she was so worried about you." Too tired to respond I nodded and fell asleep until we got home.

I slept through my first few classes, but no one noticed and if they did, they didn't care. Em stopped me in the halls and informed me that Newton was absent, and Jessica probably wouldn't be bothering us anytime soon.

"Why is that Em?" I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know.

"Oh…let's just say…Jess should have been keeping better tabs on her boyfriend and her best friend."

"Ew. Mike and Lauren? I didn't think she had it in her." As much as Jess and Mike cheated on each other, she still got fucking pissed when he got busted. Getting back at Lauren would occupy Jess's time for awhile.

I wore a really proud smile when I saw Bella walk into lunch with my shirt on. I fucking loved seeing her in my clothes. She raised her eyebrow and pointed to her own wrist. I showed her that I was still wearing the bracelet. I was never going to fucking take it off. If she wanted to own me, that was perfectly ok with me.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't go back to Bella's house until the weekend. Getting up at 4:30am was not going to work out well for either of us. When I was getting ready to leave for Bella's Friday night, Alice came running into my room.

"Bella can go!" She launched herself at me, knocking me over. "She can go, she can go!"

"Are you serious?" Please God, don't let this be a fucking joke.

"Yes!" Alice was doing her little happy dance and I was half tempted to join her.

"What did you do to get Charlie to agree?" Alice's dance stopped, and her smile dropped bit.

"Actually…I didn't do anything." Alice pouted a little. She hated it when her plans fell through. "Bella took our advice and called her mom. I guess they talked for awhile and when Bella mentioned that she had real friends and they invited her on a road trip, Renee yelled at Charlie until he said yes."

"So…this is really going to happen? Bella and I are really going to fucking be alone for four days straight?"

"Looks that way, Bro." Alice was fucking smiling from ear to ear and I'm sure I was a mirror image.

"Shit!" My face fell and Alice's followed.

"What?" Confusion filled her face.

"What the hell am I going to get her for Christmas?" Alice fucking grinned like the Grinch when he hatches his plan.

"That, my brother, you will have to figure out on your own." she bounced out of my room, totally confident that I would come up with something amazing; I was not so fucking sure.


	25. Chapter 25

**BELLA**

I had just pulled the mail out of the box when Rose's car came screeching to a halt in front of my house. Before the sound was finished, Alice was out of the car.

"Bells, are you alright? Did Mike hurt you?" Alice was inspecting my body, opening my coat and checking for any marks.

"Alice, I'm fine." I gently pulled her hands away from my jacket and held them at her sides. "Really, I'm ok. Edward came and …and we left." Was  _he_ ok? He was the one she should be worried about; he was so disgusted by his own thoughts. I released her after she finally stopped looking for signs of Mike's touch.

"I told you she would be fine. " Rose said as we walked into the house. "Like Newton would still be breathing if she wasn't."

"I just had to make sure." Alice gave me another sideways glance sneaking a peak to make sure no harm was done. I wondered if she though he was something like the Ebola virus, just by having contact your life was in danger. She finally gave it a rest when we got inside and sat down on the couch. "Do  _you_  know what the boys did to him?" Alice raised an eyebrow as she directed the question at me.

"What are you talking about?"The look on my face must have clearly displayed my total confusion because Alice didn't second guess me at all, she just filled me in.

"Mike was found tied to a chair in the video room…in his underwear! Jazz won't tell me what they did." Alice let out a little frustrated sigh. I had been so wrapped up in Edward that I forgot about Jasper and Emmett coming to the rescue. I personally could care less what happened to Mike Newton; whatever it was, it wasn't bad enough.

Alice and I both turned to look at Rose who was filing her already perfect nails. "Yes, Em told me what they did, but I'm not telling you. It's best if neither one of you knows." Rose's tone clearly stated that it was the end of that conversation. We continued on with our normal after school activities, watching trashy reality TV shows on VH1 and messing with our hair or nails. I really wasn't into the shows but Rose loved to mock the "slutty" girls. After we got settled, I realized I was still holding the mail. I flipped through it quickly, passing the bills and the advertisements and setting them aside for Charlie. I felt the ball of tension in my stomach start to grow again when I came to a green envelop. I knew who it was from the messy handwriting. I opened it slowly not really sure if I wanted to read it.

The card inside had a dancing elf on the front. I chuckled at it, surprised that I expected a more adult card. I took a deep breath and opened it to look inside.

_Merry Christmas_

_Mom & Phil_

That was it? I checked the other side of the card, then the back. I checked in the envelope for anything that might resemble a letter or note. Nothing. Renee's holiday cards were usually filled with nonsensical writing. She would start by telling someone how much she missed them and it would end with something totally unrelated to that person. I'm her own daughter and all I got was a 'Merry Christmas'. She had nothing more to say to me?

I felt the tears start to well in my eyes. I knew she was still upset about the whole emotional breakdown after Jacob died, but I couldn't even get an 'I miss you' or 'I love you'?

"Bells, honey, what's wrong?" Alice placed her hand over mine.

"Oh…nothing. I just...got a Christmas card from my mom. It was kind of…lacking." She gave me a sympathetic smile. I always felt horrible talking about my mom issues with her, even though she would always be there to lend a shoulder, I couldn't help but feel guilty. After all, I could actually speak to my mom.

"Maybe you should call her. She has to miss you."

"I dunno. Maybe…" she used to call after dinner every day to check in on my progress. Making sure I was morphing into a normal teenager. Charlie started telling her about Alice, Rose and Emmett and she stopped calling. I really wanted to confide in her about Edward, we had spent many nights, before, eating ice cream and talking about Jacob. I knew it wasn't possible though, even if we  _were_  on great speaking terms. Damn Charlie and his Edward hating ways.

Edward…God I missed him and I had just left him at school not more than an hour ago. I felt him walking behind me towards my car as I left. I knew he felt like he was being a jealous asshole, but didn't he understand that I  _wanted_  to be his? I knew what would make him feel better, telling him the words he wanted to hear. I just couldn't do it. The last person I loved had been taken from me, and I never wanted to lose Edward. It was hard enough just being without him for four nights, even if I did get to hear his voice on the phone. Maybe in some twisted way my mind thinks I can keep Edward safe if I just don't admit what my heart already knows.

"Alice, how was Edward before you came over?" It was killing me knowing he was feeling bad and I wasn't there for him.

"I really didn't talk to him. Jazz filled me in on what happened. I tell ya, a girl can't go use the restroom for five minutes without missing out with you guys around. He didn't look too thrilled though, but considering what happened….Mike is the one person that gets under his skin." I wanted to continue the conversation but Charlie picked that moment to come home. This was the earliest he'd come home in almost two weeks. The girls didn't stay long after he came home. They were trying to butter him up for the road trip and he finally caught on to their tricks. He did  **not**  want me going on a road trip with Alice and Rose and made it abundantly clear.

"Absolutely not. Christmas is supposed to be time spent with family." Easy excuse.

"Dad, it's not until the day  _after_  Christmas. Didn't you say that two officers are going on vacation that week and you'll be covering their shifts? You won't even be here!"

"The answer is no, Isabella Marie." Goddamn, full name, he means business. One way or another I was going on that trip. I wanted the time with Edward. We were stretching ourselves thin having to stay away from each other. Our connection was getting stronger, but we couldn't do anything about it.

Charlie saw the Christmas card on the coffee table but didn't say anything. He knew how much I missed Renee and he knew how she could be. He just gave me a kiss on the head and hung the card on the wall with the others.

My mind was so preoccupied with Renee and Edward that I almost burned dinner. I served up the lasagna and watched Charlie inhale three plate-full's while I just picked at mine. Charlie offered to do the dishes, condolence prize for shooting down my hopes of going on the road trip. It was good; dishes are my least favorite household chore to do, but bad because it gave me more idle time. I started checking the clock way too early, willing it to be time for him to call. I needed to hear his voice; it was the only thing that could soothe my nerves. On my way up to my room for the night, my eyes passed over the emotionless card and I just needed to see my mom. I ran up the stairs and pulled an old photo album out from under my bed. I sat cross-legged propped up on pillows and stared at pictures of us as a happy family. There were a few of Jacob mixed in, but they didn't have the same effect on me as before. I still missed him and I was sad he was gone but I knew he was in a peaceful place and he wanted me to move on. I thought about that when I first saw his face but it was easy enough to turn the page. The tears started to come when I saw a picture of me and my mom about a year and a half ago, cuddled up on the couch. I missed her so much. I missed having a mom, a real mom, not someone who got tired of dealing with me and shipped me off.

I was lost in memories when I heard the window creak and Edward crawled into my room. I was so excited to see him; I pretty much threw myself at him and almost knocked him over. He made everything better, my tension melted away in his arms.

Or it did, until I almost had my own verbal fuck up, as Edward likes to call them. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I froze at the last second. How could I risk losing him? He tried to keep the sound of defeat out of his voice, but I heard it. It made me feel like shit. I wanted him to know. Why the fuck couldn't I just tell him? What was wrong with me? Did I really think that telling him how madly in love I am with him would really put him in danger? That is ridiculous. Why can't my mind just get over the past and move on to my future…with Edward. He did everything in his power to make me happy, to keep me safe, make me comfortable, and I couldn't even say three little words to him.

I did my best to  _show_ him how I feel about him. I wore his shirt and I snuck in a few extra touches at school. I tried to talk to Alice about my problem but Charlie seemed to be lingering around a lot more and she kept asking me about my mom.

"Have you called her yet?"

"I'll do it tomorrow." Tomorrow turned into the next day, and the day after that. Finally on Friday, Alice practically forced me to call her. Charlie was downstairs watching the game with Emmett. They had tried to do some work on the truck, but it being Forks, the rain ruined their plans. Alice sat on the foot of my bed, arms crossed, trying to scowl at me.

"Call. Your. Mom." It wasn't a question anymore, more of a demand.

"Fine!" I took a deep breath and dialed the number. After ten rings, my mom finally answered. Normally I would have hung up after three or four but this was forgetful Renee and I knew to give her a little extra time. She was out of breath and I envisioned her searching madly for the phone and probably finding it in the last place a phone should ever be like the freezer or kitchen drawer.

"Bella?" Mom sounded surprised. "Is everything alright?" maybe a little panicked now.

"Um, hi mom. Yeah…everything is fine. I just wanted to call and thank you… for the Christmas card."

"Oh. Well…you're welcome honey." Awkward silence. Alice started making the motion with her hands for me to keep talking. I shrugged. I didn't know what else to say. Alice's face brightened, and I could tell an idea had popped into her head. She pulled out her cell and messed around with it until she found what she wanted. She handed me the phone and on it was a video of Edward and Jazz playing in the music room. It was exactly what I needed. Even though it wasn't Edward singing in the video, he had sung that song to me before. I let the memory wash over me and I was at ease.

"Mom…I'm sorry…for everything." I apologized in hopes that it would get the ball rolling, but also because I really was sorry. I couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for a mother to watch her daughter slowly withdraw into herself and know there was nothing she could do. "I'm sorry for everything I put you and Phil through. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused. I'm sorry I caused you guys to fight."

"Oh Bells." I could hear her take a ragged breath. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one that should be sorry. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted you to be my smiling little girl again. After you…after the whole thing…I just acted the only way I knew how to." Renee started crying, and I felt some tears slip down my cheeks. She cleared her throat and blew her nose."I thought that if you could just act like everything was ok….then maybe….I don't know. I guess I thought that if you acted like your old self then I'd have my baby girl back. I almost felt like I had to mourn you on top of Jacob."

"You mourned for Jacob?" I never thought about how Jacob's death had affected her. She was close to him too. He had practically been her son for over a year.

"Of course I did, Bella." I can't believe I was so wrapped up in myself that I never even thought about my mother's feelings.

"Sorry I wasn't there for you mom."

"Baby, I'm sorry I wasn't there for  _you_. I tried so hard to push you back to your old self for  _me_  that I didn't stop to think that maybe you weren't your old self anymore. I should have accepted you the way you were, let you mourn in your own way, instead of trying to push you. I only ended up pushing you away. That really is the last thing I wanted."

"I guess we both kinda messed up huh, mom."

"Yeah, I guess so…forgive me?" Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and when I looked at Alice, they were flowing freely down hers too.

"Of course, mama… I love you." I barely choked it out between sniffles. "Do you forgive me?"

"The moment you dialed my number." She was sniffling too. It felt like a weight was lifted off of us. We all took a moment, I made good use of the box of tissues Alice had retrieved and put on the bed next to me. I picked up the phone again feeling refreshed.

"Now…tell me about these friends you have. I want to know as much as I can about the Bella you are now. I've missed you so much. I was so afraid that you had written me off completely that I could barely sign my name to that Christmas card." She laughed at herself but not because it was funny.

I told her all about Alice, and the others. She laughed about Emmett and said Alice sounded like a good fit for me. Renee asked me to send pictures of me all dolled up in clothes from Rose.

"So….is there…a boy?" Shit...she just had to ask that question. The urge to tell her all about Edward was overpowering. But what was I going to say?  _Yeah, mom...there is a boy, his name is Edward, and I think I might possibly love him even more than I loved Jacob, but I'm terrified to tell him because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him… and I don't know if my fragile psyche can handle a love this strong. Oh yeah and Charlie hates his frigging guts because he thinks Edward tried to kill one of his girlfriends and rape another._

"Ah, nope... No boy." I said simply.

"Well, that's ok. It'll happen when you're ready. Do you and Charlie have any plans for the holidays?" Hanging with Alice everyday must be giving me powers of divine planning, because I saw that question as a huge opportunity. Charlie never refuses Renee, even after all these years, he'd rather cut off his own arm than tell her no.

"No..." Sad sigh. "Alice and Rose invited me on a road trip. I really want to go, but Charlie won't let me."

"Bella, put Charlie on the phone please."

"Yes mom." I tried to keep the innocence in my voice, when in reality I wanted to jump for joy at my evil genius. I took the phone down to Charlie, all wide-eyed and sweet and listened to Renee rip Charlie a new one until he agreed to let me go. Charlie gave me a look that showed he wasn't buying the goody-goody act, but there was nothing he could do about it now.

I was just so excited…he said yes. Four wonderful days with Edward. Alone.

 

"Call me when you get there….and call me after you check in. Actually I would like for you to call me at least three times a day."

"Yes Dad." Alice and Rose were waiting in the van they'd rented. It was about 6 a.m., and Charlie should have left for work by now since he was working extra shifts. But he was lingering. He tried to act like he was ok with it all but there was no disguising it. He was still upset about the road trip. Though he had no clue that Edward was going to be there, I'd be handcuffed to the refrigerator if he did, he did have a sneaking suspicion that Em and Jazz were.

"Tell me again why you need a passenger van for a road trip with three girls?" Charlie eyed the van and I saw him inspecting the far back on a couple different occasions.

"It's Rose and Alice dad; do you really think all their luggage would fit into one of their cars?" I pointed to the van which was piled high with pink polka dot and purple striped luggage.

"It's only a four day trip." I wondered if Charlie began to think I was skipping out on him forever. I mean, really, who does need this much luggage for a four day trip? I almost lost my nerve but then the thought of being alone, in Edward's arms, for FOUR days gave me nerves of steel.

"I repeat…It's Rose and Alice. They take two changes of clothes to school, just in case." He sighed in agreement and pulled me in for another hug.

"I love you Bells. Have a great time." Charlie hung on for a little longer than necessary, and I let him.

"I love you too Dad." I gave him another quick squeeze and got into the van with Alice and Rose. When we drove off he was still standing there, in the driveway, waving goodbye. Once we were a safe distance, I finally relaxed. "So, tell me again how you convinced the guys to use your suitcases?"

"We threatened no sex. Well, at least Alice did. I just showed Em what  _I_  had packed in there and he was more than in a little bit of a hurry to add his things and get the trip started." Rose stated with a shrug.

"And how did you convince Edward?"

"All we had to tell him was that it made things easier for you and he agreed." We drove to the Cullen house where the boys were waiting. They had packed the van early so that Charlie could see the suitcases, and hopefully believe our story. So all they had to do was jump in. I couldn't wait to see him. Edward was wearing my favorite crooked grin as we pulled in the driveway and I almost squealed. Our last weekend had been cut short because of Christmas. He had to leave Saturday night since Christmas Eve was Sunday and for some reason Charlie wanted to attend a church service and then spend the day together as a family.

"I missed you, love." He whispered as he climbed in next to me. Edward wrapped me in his arms and I was perfectly content to stay there for the entire drive. He showed me that he was still wearing the little bracelet I gave him. He told me, the last night we were together, that he never took it off; even in the shower.

"I missed you too." I burrowed my face in this chest, taking in his warm smell. I had missed him so much; I was on edge all Christmas day, wishing time would pass so I could be with him again.

"Alright, get out Rose, I'm driving." Emmett opened the driver's door, pulled Rose out and carried her, giggling as he kissed her neck and chest, around to the other side. "You drive too damn slow and I want to get this show on the road." I had a feeling that Emmett's impatience had less to do with Rose's sluggishness in a vehicle, I just couldn't see her being restrained by a speed limit, and more to do with what she had packed in her suitcase. I didn't even want to wonder what the hell  _that_  was.

Alice settled into the seat behind us with Jasper. "No kinky backseat shit while I'm driving guys." He narrowed his eyes in the rearview mirror as he got comfortable. "I don't get any road head, neither do any of you. I'm watching you Jelly Belly." He turned around and grinned as he pointed his fingers from his eyes to mine just to be sure I understood. I just stuck my tongue out at him. "Friday Harbor here we come!"

I leaned back against the pillow I brought and pulled Edward down with me. We both knew I was going to fall asleep during the drive. Edward adjusted us both so that we were lying next to each other, my head on this shoulder, and his face in my hair. I felt him laying soft kisses along my hairline, and I nuzzled my nose against the crook of his neck.

"I never fucking want to be away from you that long again." We had gone two full days without seeing or hearing each other but it felt like two years. I had never wanted Christmas to be over so much in my entire life. The days between when Charlie said yes to the trip and the actual trip were excruciatingly slow. I was jumpy and anxious. Alice and Rose tried to occupy my time by taking me Christmas shopping with them, but that only made it worse. I spent hours trying to figure out what to get everyone, especially Edward.

I settled on little presents for everyone except Charlie and Edward. I didn't have a never-ending cash flow like the others. Charlie and I did our present exchange on Christmas morning after I fixed a huge breakfast. I got him a new tackle box completely furnished with the newest in lures and bobbles, whatever the hell that means, and he got me some snow tires for my truck and a gift card to the mall in Port Angeles. I got a gift card to a book store from my mom and some cd's from Phil. The rest of us were going to do our little gift exchange after we settled in at the hotel.

I felt Em floor it as soon as we crossed the town border. "Let's see how much pick up this bitch has."

"Holy fucking shit, Em, this van wasn't meant to go that fast." Jazz yelled after the van started shaking. "I would like to get there in one fucking piece!"

"Fine. Losers." Emmett started grumbling in the front seat. Rose reached over and started rubbing his neck with her nails; clearly something she knew would calm him down. I think I might have heard Emmett purring. It was relatively quiet, other than the road noise. Edward drew me closer to him and nibbled on my earlobe.

"I really missed you Bella." He ran his fingers down my cheek, stopping at my chin. He leaned in and gave me the softest of kisses. "I packed our guitars."

"I've probably forgotten everything you taught me by now."

"Well then I'll just have to teach you again." He flashed me his crooked smile, and I blushed. The rhythm of the car moving at a steady speed was already putting me to sleep. "Go to sleep, love. I know you want to." I snuggled against him and he started to hum in my ear. I was fast asleep before I knew it. I could hear Edward, far away, telling me he loved me. I was going to tell him too…eventually.

My sleep was dreamless and I didn't wake up until Edward woke me with gentle kisses and caresses while whispering it was time for us to get on the ferry. We weren't allowed to stay in the van while the ferry took us across so we stood on the upper deck, Edward standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me. Jazz and Alice stood next to us at the rail, holding each other in a similar way. Apparently the view wasn't that important to Emmett and Rosalie because they were cuddled up on a bench seat making out like their lives depended on it. I guess four hours of non-groping was a bit too much for the two of them. As we made our way across the channel it got too cold to stay on the rail so we went and found an empty bench to sit on. I was enjoying just being held by Edward but then I saw Friday Harbor come into view. It was in a little mess of islands between Washington and Canada. Alice and Rose couldn't' stop talking about it, they'd been there before and they said the sights were amazing; they were right.

I was enchanted by the view at first but then I got a little seasick after land was in view and I had a stationary reference to show me just how much we were getting tossed around. Edward cradled me against his chest until we were safely tied to the harbor and could walk on land again. The island was gorgeous. Just the right amount of fog mixed with cool crisp air. It was so peaceful here. It was quite a change from Forks; there was no dense forest surrounding me, it was only open skies, open water and Edward. I loved it.

"Ugh, let's get to the hotel so I can change into clothes that don't smell like dead fish." Rose complained.

"Dead fish? Is Jessica around?" Em snickered. Even I laughed at that one.

"Shut the fuck up Em." Edward snickered and punched him in the back. We were all still laughing as we piled back into the van to drive to the hotel. The scenery here was beautiful, even for winter. It only took us a few minutes to reach the Discovery Inn. Em and Rose checked us in; we were all going to be right next to each other. Edward and I had the room in the middle. The girls and I bit our lips to keep from laughing at the boys carrying in the pink and purple luggage. We made plans to meet up at the pool after we all had a chance to get refreshed. I was pretty sure I knew what that meant for the other couples. Not exactly sure what it meant for Edward and I.

I followed Edward into our room. It wasn't extravagant, just a simple room with a queen bed. I noticed we also had a small fridge and microwave. I smiled to myself when I realized most people that came here probably didn't leave the room much.

That's when it hit me like a punch to the gut. Edward and I were alone in our own hotel room. I froze just inside the door, completely terrified at the implications of this. Edward noticed that I wasn't at his side when he put our suitcases on the table. He quickly rushed to me, a look of panic on his face. He was worried that I was going to change my mind about the whole trip.

"Bella, love…is this…is this ok? You knew that we were going to be sharing a room right?" He pushed my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. I threw my arms around him, knowing as soon as he touched me, that everything was fine and I had nothing to be nervous about. Edward would do as much, or as little, as I wanted and would never  _expect_  anything but would treasure every little bit I could give him.

"Yes, Edward. I'm perfect." I got on my tiptoes for a kiss and when his lips met mine everything was right with the world. He picked me up as our tongues joined the game, and closed the door with his foot. He carried me to the bed and laid me down, positioning himself above me. He broke off the kiss, but kept his face close so that our noses were touching.

"I have you all to myself for four days. I'm going to enjoy every fucking second of it." His lips moved to my neck and started working their way down to my collarbone.

"Well...you are going to have to share me with Alice and Rose. I promised them I would see the sights." Edward growled playfully into my neck and I laughed at the tickling sensation.

"Just wait until you see what I have planned for you." He used the very tip of his tongue to lick back up my neck to the spot behind my ear. I shuddered slightly when his breath hit it.

"Plans, you have plans for me? What…are you Alice now?"

"It's all part of your Christmas present."

"My Christmas present requires planning?" I started to get a little worried, my present for him was probably going to pale in comparison to his for me. "Edward…you didn't do anything…outlandish did you?"

"I'm not telling. It's a surprise." I started to pout, but he just laughed and kissed my bottom lip. "You want to take a nap or anything before we hit the pool?"

"Actually…could we just relax for a bit? Maybe watch some TV?" I was happiest in Edward's arms and sometimes it just felt nice to do something a normal couple would. It was small things like that watching an episode of  _House_  that made me forget we had to hide from most of the world.

"Of course love. Your wish is my command." He rolled onto his back, and pulled me against his chest. We watched some stupid made for TV movie and traded soft kisses and playful touches until Em banged on the door telling us to 'get ready for some swimming bitches!'

While Edward went into the bathroom to change, I dug around in my suitcase for my swimsuit. It was a simple black Speedo one piece that was several years old. Edward came out looking completely sexy in basic black trunks and a wifebeater tank top. Before I could make it to the bathroom there was a knock on the door.

"Let us in!" Alice called.

"No! Go away! She's mine!" Edward yelled back.

"Bella! Please!" Alice made it sound like an emergency. Edward rolled his eyes and let her in. Alice walked in with Rose close on her heels. They were both wearing cover wraps over their suits. "Edward, out. The guys are already at the pool." He huffed at being kicked out of the room, but left anyways after giving me a quick kiss.

"Is there something I can help you girls with?" I asked with eyebrow raised. They were both standing in the doorway, hands on their hips. Rose stepped forward and snagged my bathing suit out of my hands and held it out like a smelly sock.

"I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"That you'd have some hideous sad excuse for a bathing suit." She took the bag Alice had been holding and handed it to me. "Go." She snapped her heels together and pointed to the bathroom. Having become accustom to being forced into clothes by the two of them, I went with no arguments. The suit was thankfully not as revealing as I feared. It was a blue tankini two piece with white flower designs on the top. I wondered how Edward was going to feel about this one. There was also a black terry cloth cover wrapped in the bag that matched theirs. The girls were pleased when I came out and we grabbed some towels and left for the indoor pool.

There weren't that many other guests at the pool and the boys were already having fun pushing each other in and basically trying to drown each other. Em did a huge cannonball off the diving board and splashed about half the people lounging around the pool. That little stunt cleared the pool area out even more. Even though Edward was my one and only, I could appreciate my "brother's" good looks. I noticed a few other girls around the pool were appreciating also.

These girls were blatant in their attempts to get our boys to pay attention to them. They were adjusting their tops and putting a little extra sway in their hips when they walked past. There was a group of girls sitting along the edge of the deep end, giggling at everything the guys did. I felt a twinge of jealousy, but it washed away as soon as Edward's eyes met mine. He motioned to Emmett and Jasper that we arrived and they immediately climbed out to get us. The other girls watched their every move and practically started drooling after the guys got out. It was easy to see why, their swim trunks clung to them in all the right spots and the way the water rolled off them, it just seemed to make them that much sexier. I remembered the night we were stuck in the truck and I definitely liked a wet Edward. All three of them were hot in their own way. Emmett definitely had a rock-hard beach body; his pecs, biceps and 6-pack abs all bulging under the strain of lifting his large frame out of the pool. Jasper wasn't nearly as bulky but wiry and fit, sculpted like the body of a runner, no less interesting to look at though. Then there was my Edward, the epitome of perfection. He was somewhere in between Emmett's brawn and Jasper's leanness. His tall frame held his muscles well and I suddenly had a flash in my mind of Edward posing for an underwear ad. All three of the boys were a pleasure to look at but only Edward made my body react. I felt a little twinge of want and was suddenly thankful that the pool would soon be disguising my swimsuit bottom's pre-mature saturation.

The boys walked right past all their little fans, completely ignoring them and came straight to us. Edward only had eyes for me and I had to admit I liked the way the other girls pouted when he took me in his arms. Rose shot the girls an evil smile over Emmett's shoulder. I pulled the wrap over my head and Edward's grip on my hips tightened.

"Holy fuck, love. I  _really_  like you in blue." He leaned in for a kiss, but just before his lips touched mine, a strong arm wrapped around my waist and picked me up.

"No pool fucking." Em shouted as he threw me over his shoulder. He was carrying me over to the pool and I started screaming when I realized what he was going to do.

"No, Emm..!" But it was too late, I was tossed into the deep end of the pool before I was finished saying his name. The next few hours went on the same. Even Rose got in on the fun, splashing and dunking with the rest of us. We all had a game of chicken, which Rose and Em won. Eventually the other girls got tired of watching us all be happy couples and stormed off. We had the pool all to ourselves and the boys took advantage of the privacy by doing flips and dives off the edge.

After a few tiring hours Jazz announced that he was getting hungry and we decided to quit for the day and get cleaned up so we could eat. We were going to meet up in Alice and Jasper's room for pizza. The whole way back to our room Edward walked behind me with his arms around my waist, nibbling at my neck.

As soon as our room door shut, Edward groaned, "Can I just say that I think you should walk around in a bathing suit every fucking day?" I blushed and giggle as usual. Once again he picked me up and carried me to the bed. Instead of laying me down, he sat on the edge of the bed and adjusted me so that I was straddling him. He slid his hands under my suit top, his fingertips lightly tracing little swirls on my stomach. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned down so that our foreheads were touching.

"I can't believe we're here." I whispered. I could probably spend the rest of my life in this hotel room with Edward and be satisfied. Edward reached up for a kiss and I moaned a little when he pulled my hips to his. We only had the thin bathing suits between us and I could feel him getting hard under me.

Edward slid his hands up my sides to the tie behind my neck and undid my top. It fell away from me, exposing my breasts. His lips left mine and traveled down my neck to my collarbone. He gave me a little bite and kissed lower. He paused just before reaching my breast. "Is this ok, love?"

"Yes." I breathed. Edward took my nipple in his mouth, gently biting and sucking. I arched my back to give him better access. I was getting used to the sexual part of our relationship, less embarrassed. I fisted my fingers in his hair as he took my nipple between his teeth and gave it a little tug. Edward's fingers trailed down my stomach and in between my legs. He pushed my suit bottoms aside and eased his fingers inside me. I let out a loud moan, and he groaned when I bucked my hips. I was already close when we were interrupted by my cell playing the ringtone for Charlie.

"Shit." Edward muttered. Edward had set the ringtone so we could be forewarned whenever we were together. He released me and I leaned over to the night stand to grab the phone.

"Hi Dad." I said, hoping I didn't sound like I was just cockblocked from having an incredible orgasm.

"Bella, you didn't call me." Oh Damnit, I forgot. That seemed to happen to me a lot when I was around Edward. Charlie sounded really annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I fell asleep during the car ride and I was still a little foggy after we checked in. Then Alice and Rose wanted to go swimming. I got distracted."

"I've been worried sick. You've been there for hours; I almost called the station up there to have them look for you!" That would not have been good. I could only imagine the phone call.  _Yes, Chief Swan, we've found your daughter. She's shacked up with a half naked boy in a hotel room._

"I'm really sorry Dad. It won't happen again. I promise." Charlie calmed down and proceeded to ask about the drive and our plans. I gave him all the information I could without letting anything slip. Edward grabbed a clean towel and motioned that he was going to take a shower. The moment had been completely ruined, but I didn't let it get me down. We still had the rest of the trip. After I assured Charlie that I would call at least three times the next day, he let me go. I took a shower when Edward was done and we left for Alice's room. We were all fairly tired from the trip and the swimming so we took it easy, eating pizza and playing cards. The guys taught me how to play poker. I ended up being pretty good at it and I beat Emmett at a few hands.

"Damn Jelly Belly, maybe we should have gone to Vegas instead. You're ruthless. I'd be leaving with nothing but my cock in a sock if we were playing for real." After Alice passed out on Jasper's lap we all said goodnight and made plans to eat breakfast together. Edward and I changed into our pj's and crawled into bed. I was exhausted.

"Wait, love. I want to give you part of your Christmas present."

"Oh. Do you want yours?" I started to get up, but he pulled me back down.

"Nope, we'll do that tomorrow night." He went to his bag and pulled out a small black box with a purple bow. I felt a small ball knot up in my stomach when I realized it was jewelry. I ignored it. He lay back down next to me. "I wanted to give you something special, to remember me when we can't be together." Not like I needed anything to make me think of him when he was away. "I knew it had to be something inconspicuous because of Charlie and I wanted it to be something unique, like you." Ok, I don't really care if it's a twist tie friendship bracelet in that box, I love it already. Edward handed me the box. I pulled the bow off slowly and finished opening the box. Inside there was a beautiful set of diamond and silver treble-clef earrings and a tiny toe ring with treble-clefs on it.

"Oh Edward. I love them." They meant a lot to me, he was my music.

"Music used to be my first love….but now it falls second at best." Just another way of him telling me he loves me. "I figured these would be like something Alice might give you, in case Charlie asked where the fuck you got them, but personal enough for them to remind you of me."

"They are perfect, Edward. Thank you." I gave him a soft kiss. "Wait…did you say part of my gift?" An evil smile formed on his face.

"Yes, like I said, I can only give you so much without getting noticed so this whole trip is your Christmas gift. Now get some sleep, I want you rested for the next part." Before I could protest he started singing in my ear, which was one of his dirty little tricks. Not that I minded of course. I was asleep in a matter of minutes.

Waking up next to Edward again was very comforting. I had missed feeling his soft breath on the back of my neck and being incased in his arms. I rolled over and started tickling his sides until he woke up laughing.

"Don't fucking tickle me, unless you want it back." He didn't even wait for me to respond; he just pinned me down and started hitting all of my most ticklish spots. I was gasping for air before he decided I'd had enough. "Mmmmm, Good morning, love." He sighed into my hair.

"Good morning." As if on cue, my cell started ringing. It was Alice; she was already dressed and waiting in the hotel dining room for us. We got dressed quickly, not wanting to suffer the wrath of Alice for disrupting her plans. Edward and I walked hand in hand, loving the fact that we were in public and showing our affection for each other openly. The others were waiting for us and we had a leisurely breakfast before Alice launched into her list of activities.

Rose, Alice and I were going to go shopping and sightseeing while the boys did God only knows what. They wouldn't tell us what they were planning on doing; they just made us promise to be back at the hotel by 3 p.m. We did just about everything that island had to offer. Alice hit all the hot spots, never missing a beat telling me all the historical information like a tour guide up for a promotion. My favorite was the whale watching. It was amazing to be so close to Orcas in nature. Beats the hell out of seeing them in a tank. I got some decent pictures, making sure that someone on the boat got some with Rose, Alice and I in them for Charlie. We went shopping and Rose spent a whopping amount of money in the little locally owned stores. Most of the things she bought were one of a kind, hand crafted. She liked being the only one to own something. Alice's favorite was the art gallery, and she admitted that she wanted to display her art there someday. I really hope that dream comes true for her.

By the time we returned to the hotel at three o'clock we were sore from walking the whole island. All we wanted to do was collapse on our beds and take a nap. The boys however, wouldn't let us. After they took all our bags, they blindfolded us and led us to the van.

"What are you doing?" I asked, a little excited… and a little scared.

"It's part of your present. Just go with it." Edward whispered into my ear then gave me a little peck on the cheek. No more scared, just excited. The ride didn't take long. After the van was parked, the boys ushered us out and took off our blindfolds.

"Surprise!" They yelled. We looked up and saw that we were standing outside a day spa. "We thought you lovely ladies needed some relaxation and pampering." Jasper explained. Rose threw herself around Emmett, plastering kisses all over him. Alice squealed and jumped into Jasper's arms. I didn't know what to do; I had never been to a spa before.

"Do you like it?" Edward asked timidly. It was from Edward, how could I not like it?

"Of course I do!" I took a cue from Alice and Rose and flung my arms around Edward's neck, wondering what was in store for me inside those heavily decorated doors.

"Ok then, you girls have fun and we'll be back to pick you up in a few hours." The boys took off in the van and left us girls to be pampered. It was amazing. I had never been more relaxed in my life. We got massages, body wraps, facials, and mani-pedis. The boys apparently had more planned for afterwards because at the end we all got our makeup and hair done.

For most of the spa treatment the three of us where separated and alone. The peaceful atmosphere may have made my body relax, but my mind started wandering. While I was walking from my wrap to my facial I passed some girls giggling about their sexual activities from the night before. It sent my mind into overdrive. I started to wonder if Edward had that in mind during this trip. I knew he would never force me and he's told me a dozen times he has no problem waiting, but it couldn't be easy for him. Sometimes I wondered if he ever regretted falling in love with me; I couldn't even say the  _words_ back let alone have sex with him. I wondered if he wished I never came to Forks. Then I would remember the love in his eyes and the electricity and I would hate myself for thinking it.

I wasn't going to lie; I was terrified to have sex. I knew it was going to hurt, and all the stories I overheard scared me even more. I had no doubt that Edward would be as gentle as possible, but would that even matter? I needed straight answers and I knew where to get them. After we were done, we sat in the lobby waiting for the boys to come get us; I decided to bring it up.

"Alice…." After her name it all rushed out in one breath.

"Wait, what?" She didn't quite catch what I said. I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak slowly.

"I think I'm ready...for sex…with Edward." I blushed like crazy. Why was this so hard?

"Honey, are you sure? That's a big step."

"Damn…I think….I don't know...I need advice."

"Bella,  **I'd**  be happy to give you some advice." Rose said from behind her magazine.

"Rose, she needs advice about her first time, not instruction on how to jostle his balls, pinch his nipples and rim his dick all at the same time." Rose contemplated that for a second then shrugged and went back to her magazine.

"Anyways, what did you want to know?"

"I don't know…everything?"

"Well…every person is different but it's probably going to be uncomfortable. And don't do it because you think Edward wants it, do it because  _you_  want to." I wanted to go into more depth with this conversation, but as luck would have it, the boys decided to show up. We climbed into the van and I just naturally gravitated right into Edwards arms. Why was I afraid when I knew he was the only person I wanted?

"You look absolutely beautiful, love. Are you feeling refreshed?"

"Yes, I feel refreshed."

"Ready for tonight?" Hmm, that's a loaded question; I've been contemplating that myself.

"What are we doing?"

"It's a surprise." Damn these surprises. We arrived back at the hotel and each couple went their separate ways. I saw clothes laid out on the bed for Edward. "I'm going to change, alright?" He grabbed the clothes and went into the bathroom. Right on cue again, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Alice holding a garment bag.

"This is for tonight. His favorite color is blue. Oh, and he's taking you out to eat. Take your Christmas presents for him! I gotta go; Jasper is taking me out too! EEEKKK! Have fun tonight!" She gave a little wave after handing me the bag and took off for her own room. I peeked inside and saw a light blue dress. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Edward.

Tonight was probably planned as a very romantic night. I had no reason to be anxious. Right? I was more worried about what might happen after the date. Was I finally ready for that? It was fucking frustrating not knowing what to do. Edward came out a few minutes later; looking sexy as hell in a long sleeve button down and some black pinstripe pants. He was freshly showered and shaved, and his hair was just the right amount of messy. Why was I keeping a hold of my virginity again? Never mind the underwear ad, this boy could grace the cover of GQ. Damn.

"Alice?" he asked when he saw the garment bag. I smiled and nodded. "She ruined the surprise didn't she? Goddamnit. Well then, I hope you're hungry." I nodded again, a little shocked to see him so dressed up. "Hello? Earth to Bella?" he waved his hand in front of my face. "Are you alright?"

"Oh...yeah…just zoned out for a minute. I'll get dressed." I went to the bathroom, giving him a quick kiss as I walked by. How was I going to enjoy a romantic dinner with my Edward when I was trying to decide whether I was ready to tell him I was in love with him and possibly make love to him! It didn't take me long to get ready since my hair and makeup were already done. I slid the dress on and noticed it was once again a piece of clothing that showed off my collarbones. It was a v-necked light blue dress. It was short sleeved and came to my knees and there was a little bunch at the bust. It fit my curves without being skin tight, just a little bit of flow to it….definitely Alice. I also put on the earrings Edward had given me. I noticed Alice didn't give me any shoes so I figured she was leaving that up to me. I slipped the toe ring on too, even though it would be hidden. It was December after all, I'm sure Edward expected it. He probably counted on it for when we returned to Forks. I had packed the black boots Edward loved, and now I had the chance to wear them again. Was I intentionally dressing to drive Edward nuts? Maybe, I thought as I pulled the thigh-high nylons up.

I walked back out with a huge grin, but Edward was gone. I frowned until I saw a note on the nightstand.

_Went to get us a cab, come out to the lobby when you are ready._

I dug around for the boots, and slipped them on in a hurry. I grabbed my coat and my presents for him and practically sprinted to the lobby. Edward was leaning casually against the wall, obviously not expecting me yet. Some of the girls that had been at the pool were in the lobby, blushing and whispering to each other, most likely about Edward. I felt that little twinge of jealousy again, even though Edward was completely ignoring them. I was glad I hadn't put my coat on yet and I tapped him on the shoulder and did a little spin when he turned around.

"What do you think?" Edward's eyebrows shot up as his gaze traveled from my face, past the collarbones, pausing slightly, then past my hips and down to the boots. I couldn't help but blush at the lusty look in his eyes.

"You are so fucking beautiful." He wrapped his arms about my waist, and pulled me closer. "So…exactly how hungry are you? We could skip dinner…"

"I'm starving." I really was hungry, being pampered apparently took a lot out of a girl. I was also suddenly very uneasy; he was absently rubbing his thumbs against my hips. I knew what he really wanted…but was it what I wanted? I shook my head, trying to clear out the million thoughts racing threw it. "You look very handsome, Edward." I got on my toes to give him a kiss. As soon as our lips met, I could feel it was one of those kisses that led to us not being able to keep our hands off each other. I cut it off quickly and pulled out of his grasp. There was a look of confusion on his face; I never pulled away from him. I didn't know what the hell I was doing; my stupid brain was going to ruin my night. "Ready?"

"Um...yeah." He gave me a half smile, still probably wondering what the hell was going on with me. I laced my fingers through his, hoping the contact would let him know not to worry. He was still unsure, but we went outside to the waiting cab. The ride was short enough that the lack of conversation wasn't uncomfortable. Should I, or shouldn't I? My brain, heart and private parts all took turns chiming in.

We pulled in front of a place called CoHo Restaurant. Edward helped me out of the car and threw his arm around me as we walked in. He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. We didn't wait long for the hostess, and boy was she ever obvious. She had on a tight white button down dress shirt that was about two sizes too small for her, it was straining to stay buttoned, and a barely there black skirt. Did she not realize it was the dead of winter? After seeing Edward she pushed her shoulders back to give him a better view of her surgically enhanced breasts; I was terrified one of the buttons was going to pop off and take out my eye.

"Cullen, reservation for two." He brought me closer to him as he said it, either trying to make me less jealous, or to give her a big fat hint. She curled her lip a little at the sight of me and I gave her a huge ass 'bite me' grin.

"Right this way, please." She led us to our table; the restaurant was rather full and our table was in the back, off to the side. "Please let me know if you need  _anything_." She directed that last bit right at Edward. I was getting really fucking tired of other girls practically throwing themselves at my Edward.

"We won't need anything but each other, thanks." I said, venom dripping from my every word. Edward raised his eyebrow, but was trying to keep from laughing. The hostess shot me a real nasty look but left without another word.

"I think you've been spending too much fucking time with Rose."

"She was shoving her boobs in your face. What was I supposed to do, let her eye rape you all night?" Edward burst out laughing.

"Ok and too much time with fucking Em too." I blushed when I caught on to what I actually said; it was definitely an Emmett thing to say. "Is everything alright, love? You seem a little off tonight."

"Oh, just tired I guess. It's been a long day." Of wrestling with the idea of finally telling you the words you want to hear, that I'm dying to tell you. And trying to figure out if I'm ready to make love to you. Edward accepted the answer and began to ask me about my day with the girls. I told him every little detail until the waiter came and took our orders.

"Those earrings look beautiful on you Bella." The mention of my earrings reminded me that I still have to give him his Christmas presents. I grabbed the bag I tucked under the table and handed to him.

"I have a little something for you too. Merry Christmas Edward." He gave me a goofy grin, like a child...well…on Christmas. I waited nervously; I hoped I had got him something he would enjoy. Edward pulled the card out of the bag and opened it. The expression on his face was priceless, one I'd never forget. It was similar to the look people get when they just found out they won the lottery. I think his knees were actually bouncing under the table.

"Bella…how did you…I mean….this is fucking awesome!" His eyes kept jerking from the gift certificate to me. "How did you ever…holy fucking shit Bella, thank you!" He jumped up and gave me a huge Emmett style bear hug, almost knocking me out of my chair. I was utterly relieved to see that he loved it. After several frustrating hours at the mall, I finally went to Alice and Jazz to help me.

"The Guitar Dojo." Jazz said it as if it were tattooed like a wish list on Edward's forehead. "It's this online music course giving by one of the greatest fucking guitar players in the history of music. We found out about it a few years ago, but then the whole mess with Tanya happened. I think he forgot about it." The Guitar Dojo was 100% Edward, but very expensive. I could only afford to get him a month's worth.

"Wait, there's more." I was still giggling at this reaction. I could only imagine what he was going to do after he saw what was left. It was a picture of Pearl Jam, autographed by Eddie Vedder. It was one autograph that he'd never been able to obtain. Edward's arms were still around me as I reached for the bag.

"More? What could top the fucking Guitar Dojo?" I decided to just hand it to him. I pulled out the silver picture frame that I put the autograph in and held it in front of his face. It took him a few seconds to register what he was looking at. He froze in place once his brain caught up to speed.

"You got me….Eddie Vedder's autograph?" He said slowly. He didn't seem as excited….maybe he was upset that he didn't get it in person?

"You don't like it?" I should have just stuck with Dojo thing.

"I fucking love it. I just…can't think of a reaction that conveys how fucking awesome this is."

"You aren't upset that you didn't get it yourself?"

"No, love. It's an amazing thing to have…how did you ever get a hold of this?"

"I bid on it on an auction site." And used a huge chunk of my college fund. He took my face in his hands, and kissed my nose.

"Bella, I love it. I love…"  _You._ I could see it in his eyes; that was what he really wanted to say. "I love the Guitar Dojo too. Thank you so much." I gave him a weak smile, the small diversion I was enjoying from the war raging in my head ended when he stopped himself from telling me he loved me. I was a horrible fucking girlfriend. I was subdued for the rest of our dinner. Edward took notice and as soon as we were done eating he asked for the check and we left. We didn't see the hostess again, which was a good and bad thing. I was frustrated beyond belief and would have loved taking it out on her slutty ass. However, punching some random stranger probably would not have been the best way to end our date.

Edward was just as quiet as I was; I could see his brain working. He probably thought he'd done something wrong. I had almost chewed a hole in my lip by the time we got back to our room. I knew I had been acting strange all night, but I didn't want him to think it was because of him. We walked up to the room in silence but once our room door shut I hooked my finger inside the front of his pants and pulled him to the bed. He resisted at first, not sure what to make of my behavior. I lay down, pulling him over me, and started kissing him. It felt right to have his lips one mine, his hands on my body.

_Tell him._

No, I'm not ready.

_TELL HIM._

What if I lose him?

_You might lose him if you_ _**don't** _ _tell him._

Edward ended the kiss, a look of concern washed over this face. "Bella, if you aren't…into this right now…we can just go to sleep." Apparently while I was arguing with the voice in my head, I had stopped responding to him. There was a touch of pain in this voice. I had been pulling away from him all night and now I had frozen mid-kiss. He sighed, hanging his head as he started to get off the bed.

"Edward wait." He stopped, but wouldn't look up at me. "I'm sorry…I just…." Don't know what to do. Please God give me a fucking sign or something! I didn't want to have this conversation with the top of his head so I touched his face and tilted it to meet mine.

I saw the hurt in his eyes, and everything just clicked. I felt the air in the room shift, and his electricity washed over me. I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my being, and it was about time I fucking told him.

"I love you." I whispered. "I love you, Edward Cullen. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." I gave him a soft kiss on his forehead, my lips just barely grazing him. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I laid my head back on the pillow, my hands running down his chest and untucking his shirt. "I love you…and I want to show you."


	26. Chapter 26

**EDWARD**

I never knew time could pass so fucking slowly. It seemed like a year went by between when Alice confirmed Bella could go and the moment I pulled her into my arms in the van. I thought I might actually die from impatience waiting for Alice to pull in the goddamn driveway. Jazz and Emmett couldn't wait either. My family was fucking sick of me, especially after I had to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without her. Alice wouldn't even go gift shopping with me; she was tired of my foot tapping, hair rubbing, finger tapping on anything that makes a fucking sound, and all the other anxious ticks I was sporting as of late.

There was only so much that I could give Bella without complicating things for her. I wasn't quite sure how much Charlie paid attention to Bella's things; I didn't want to risk anything. I was at a complete fucking loss until I walked past a jewelry display at the mall. There was a set of treble-clef earrings sitting on a blue velvet stand. They were so fucking Bella, she  **is**  my music. I was a little nervous about getting her jewelry because of the whole fucking Jacob thing, but she's come so far since then, I decided to risk it. I saw the toe ring that matched it so perfectly; the set looked like something Alice might buy her just in case he did find them. But it was something that could be hidden from Charlie easy enough. I wanted her to have something to remind her of me. She already had my whole heart but I wanted something she could feel on her body when my hands weren't there to do it themselves.

I decided that the whole trip would be Bella's Christmas gift. I would treat her like the fucking angel she was, spoil her fucking rotten. Emmett started talking about getting Rose a day at the spa on the island and Jazz and I jumped on that idea. My dormant planning gene finally revealed itself and I planned out everything for the trip. Alice was fucking shocked and a little disappointed that she didn't get to do it but thankful that she was finally rubbing off on me.

I barely let Alice put the damn van in park before I was reaching for the door handle. I opened the van door to her sparkling eyes and beautiful smile and I was fucking home. All the stress and waiting were fucking worth cradling her in my arms. I never let her go the whole trip to the island, not fucking once. I was touching some part of her for almost five hours straight. I didn't even want to let her go to get changed into my swim trunks at the hotel, but that mess I was sure she wasn't ready for. I could just imagine:  _'Oh come on Bella I can still hold your hand. I can drop trou with one hand, it's no problem…oh that, that is little Edward. Yeah, I know he's not so little…wanna touch it?'_ You've got to be fucking kidding me. She'd run away screaming for sure.

I didn't want to fucking leave her behind with Alice and Rose either but Alice was giving me the stink eye so she probably had some girly shit to take care of with her before they came downstairs. Of course, I was glad I did because that fucking suit they picked out almost had me cumming in my pants. I was fucking glad the pool water was ice cold. We had so much fun just being goofy in the pool. I touched her every chance I got, I think I growled audibly when we started playing chicken and she slipped around to the front of me…her goodies landed right in front of my face. I really wanted to sit her back up on the edge and munch it like a fucking desert buffet but I kept my cool.

All restraint was gone by the time we reached our room though; I couldn't keep my hands off of her. I let my fingers do what they had been aching for. I missed her moans and the way she tasted. She was whimpering; I could feel her starting to tighten around my fingers when her fucking father called her cell. As if I needed another reason the fucking hate that man, now he was cockblocking me from over a hundred miles away. I wasn't even worried about me; I wanted to feel  _her_  get off. I left to take a shower and free the jellyfish while I reminded myself that we still had the whole trip.

It felt so comfortable to have Bella with me, together with my family, eating pizza and comparing belches. I wish it could be like that all the time. I fucking hate hiding how much I love her. After this I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to letting her walk around without my arm around her. It seems physically impossible. I feel like I lead a double life; I'm the real me with her and an empty shell of myself without her. There has to be some way to make Charlie see that we need each other…that she makes me a better person.

Bella turned out to be fucking awesome at poker, and I could tell Em was regretting ever teaching her how to play. He hated losing at poker, at anything really, it's a good thing he loves her or he would have gotten seriously pissed. If it were one of us that just kicked his ass repeatedly he would be pissing and whining about how we "Cheat like a mother-fucker". But with Bella he just grinned and shook his head, admiring the monster he made. Alice started to crash out on Jaspers lap so we took that as a hint to pack it in for the night. We didn't want to deny Jasper his nightly romp by tiring Alice out too much; planning all this bullshit must have taken some serious energy.

When we went back to our room that night, I wanted to give Bella the first part of her gift. I had a special dinner planned the next night and I wanted her to wear the earrings. I could see the tension in her body language when she realized it was jewelry but as soon as she opened the box her eyes lit up and I got to see my favorite smile. Music meant so much to the both of us, it was something that we shared with only each other; solely ours. There was no one else that I had EVER sang to, played for, or hummed to sleep; only Bella. And as far as I was concerned it could stay that way forever.

The next day I ushered Bella out the door along with the other girls, giving her the girl time she needed so she would have stories to tell and pictures to show Charlie. After we finished planning out our surprise for the girls, the guys and I went swimming again, played some pool, and stayed kinda restless. It just wasn't the same without our other halves. There was no music room here, or huge flat screen with an endless amount of video games to keep us occupied. We were fucking lost without our girls.

"So…you think Bella and you…are gonna bump uglies?" Em asked shyly. He must have been really fucking bored.

"I don't know…that's kinda up to her. How is that  _your_  fucking business again?"

"Cuz, dude. I can see the way you two look at each other. Like you're always one step away from tearing each other's clothes off and fucking in front of everyone."

"It's not fucking like that Em."

"Yes it is." Em scowled a little and fidgeted in his chair. Much like his father did when he asked me about Bella and I having sex. "Listen…I know that…she isn't ready yet, but when she is…fuck. You're going to take care of my Jelly Belly right?"

"Jesus, Em. What kind of fucking question is that? You think I would hurt her?" Did he really think I was capable of fucking hurting my girl…especially during sex?

"Not on purpose, but I know that Tanya wasn't a first timer with you and fuck...Jessica was probably born loose. Look, I just want to help you out. Go slow, use a little lube. It can make things easier." I could tell he wanted to give me some more pointers, but there was a part of me that didn't like him talking about Bella like that.

"Em, I'll take care of Bella. She will be treated with the utmost respect and you KNOW I would never do anything that she didn't want. Can we  **not**  fucking talk about this anymore?" It was making me very fucking uncomfortable. Bella hadn't shown an interest in progressing that part of our relationship since the night of our date. She seemed content with what we did now, and while I definitely fucking enjoyed it, I wanted more. I wanted to give her more. I wanted to feel her with more than just my fingers. I wanted to be as close as I physically could be to her, nothing held back, no separation, no her, no me; just us.

Em didn't bring it up again, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. If I wanted to be completely honest with myself, the sex wasn't even that fucking important. Yes, I fucking wanted it bad, I'm a teenage boy. But what I wanted above all else was to know that she loved me. I only wanted the sex; I  _needed_  to hear her tell me she loved me. I knew she cared about me, and I knew that we both felt the same intense connection, but everyday that passed without hearing those words caused a little fucking tear in my heart.

We went to pick up the girls and once I saw my Bella, refreshed and beautiful, my worries washed away. I was happy to just be with her. I had a romantic dinner planned for her, yet another part of her Christmas present. I even got dressed up for her, something I never fucking did for anyone. I heard Alice come in but I couldn't hear what she was saying through the door. I had a sneaking suspicion Alice was going to ruin the surprise, but I wasn't going to get upset about it. Bella would be dressed in something fucking stunning if Alice had her way.

Bella went in to get dressed and I left her alone to get ready and so I could have a cab waiting for us. Some of those girls that had been fawning over us at the pool were in the lobby. They were desperately trying to get my attention, but they all reminded me of Jessica, and I only wanted Bella. I felt a tapping on my shoulder and got a little annoyed; I thought it was some bitch about to hit on me. I turned and my heart sped up so fast I thought it might thump right out of my fucking chest.

Bella looked sexier than anything I could have ever fucking dreamed. Her hair and make-up looked perfect and she was in a blue dress that hugged all her curves just fucking right. Neck, collarbones, hips, all on display…all waiting to be touched, licked, caressed. And she had those fucking boots on; I had to fight back a groan.

I was, without a doubt, 100% fucking twitterpated. I pulled her in for a kiss, but something wasn't right. There was a hesitation in her actions that I didn't understand. Had I scared her with my suggestion of skipping dinner? She twisted out of my arms and I felt one of those little tears rip further. She was quiet on the way to the restaurant, but affectionate. I saw the skanky hostess before she did, and wrapped my arms tight around her. I could feel she was in a mood, and even though I thought jealous Bella was fucking hot, I didn't feel like poking the beast.

I wasn't sure what to make of my girl. There was just something off, but I couldn't nail it down. The only time I felt like everything was ok between us was when she gave me my Christmas presents.

My fucking awesome kick ass Christmas presents. I was so fucking excited I about pissed myself. The Guitar Dojo was like a fucking dream come true. Jazz and I had talked about joining it before but shit always kept happening. I'd wanted Eddie Vedder's autograph for years, and while I wished I could have gotten it myself, I was happily amazed that she'd remembered such a small detail about me.

I saw a glimpse of  _my_  Bella while she watched my reactions, then I had to go and fucking ruin it by having a verbal fuck up. She barely said three words to me after that. I didn't know what the fuck to do. She wouldn't hold my hand, she wouldn't even touch me. I could feel the little tears ripping more and more. I didn't understand what the fuck I did to make her turn away from me. I had verbal fuck ups all the time and she usually took it in stride.

This was fucking killing me. I was completely lost and that scared the fuck out of me. Bella was acting like a stranger. She had chewed on her lip so hard between the restaurant and our hotel room it was swollen and about ready to bleed. She usually only did that because she was nervous or embarrassed. Did she think that I was…expecting something?

I didn't know what the fuck to say, what the fuck to do. I didn't want to seem distant to her but I didn't want to do anything to make her think more was expected, required. I was sort of stuck in my tracks standing just inside our hotel room door. Bella must have sensed my hesitation. She reached over and grabbed the waist of my pants to pull me toward her. I wasn't sure how to react myself. What I  _wanted_  to do was throw her on the bed, rip her clothes off and make sweet passionate love to her until she moaned my name; but only if  _she_  wanted to. I could only resist her for a matter of seconds, she wanted me on the bed, on her, so I went. She was kissing me and I was kissing back. I thought maybe we could save the night and only go as far we'd gone in the past. I could accept that, as long as I had a piece of Bella I could wait for the rest. Then things went horribly wrong. I was still kissing her but she wasn't kissing back. What the fuck? She didn't want to kiss now either, I was completely confused. Was I doing something wrong? Did I have a fucking piece of dinner stuck in my teeth that was grossing her out? What the hell? I started to get a little annoyed and a lot hurt. I told her we could just go to sleep and I started to move off of her to get to my side of the bed. It was impossible to keep the hurt off my face. I was nearly in tears. I wanted to please her so bad; I wanted to be a part of her so bad. I wanted….her, and she was feeling farther away from me than she had in a very long time.

I tried to look ok with it when she pulled my face up to look at her but I'm sure I failed miserably. All those tiny fissures in my heart were converging to one big crack. I thought she was going to tell me she just wasn't ready, but she didn't.

"I love you. I love you, Edward Cullen. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you. I love you, I love you, I love you." Her words reverberated through my head and I was only vaguely aware that she was pulling my shirt out of my pants and unbuttoning it. My brain was so focused on  _her_  mouth that I didn't really notice what was going on with the rest of  _my_  body.

The words I had been waiting to hear, the words that I fucking longed to hear, they sounded even sweeter coming from her lips than I had dreamed. I fucking hoped and prayed that this trip would be it, the moment that we could finally just be honest with each other and now here we are. All the fissures, the crack, all gone. My heart was whole.

"…and I want to show you." Wha? Suddenly my attention was no longer focused on my thoughts. I was snapped back into reality and I realized my shirt was completely unbuttoned and Bella was pushing it off my shoulders.

"Bella, wait." I needed a second to fucking process this. I gently pulled her hands off my shirt. This felt like it might be too fucking good to be true.

"What's wrong?" The look on her face about fucking killed me, like I just told her I hated her.

"Nothing…I just….will you say it again?" I know I heard it, but I needed to see it in her eyes; to know that I wasn't just fucking dreaming all this. I moved up so that I was directly above her face, looking down into those beautiful fucking earthy eyes. "Please…say it again." I could barely fucking breathe.

"I love you." She said it. She looked me straight in the eyes and fucking said it. It wasn't just a dream. There was no fucking going back now. There would be no separating us.

"I love you." My eyes bore into hers, trying to convey the depth of meaning behind the words . "I am hopelessly fucking in love with you Isabella Swan."

"I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier Edward." Bella's eyes were starting to tear. "I was afraid…" I leaned down and softly kissed her.

"It doesn't matter now, ok love?" I kissed her again; it was a slow tender kiss. "I love you, I've wanted to tell you for so long."

"I love you too." She started to blush. She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair, I practically wanted to fucking purr. Her face grew redder, and she took a deep breath. "Edward…I'm ready..." Her eyes were downcast; she was embarrassed to look at me. I didn't want to get my hopes up; this had to be fucking perfect. I needed to know that this was it.

"Are you  _sure_ , love?" After hearing those fucking words, it gave me new patience.

"Yes." She nodded her head slightly and slowly gazed up at me. Her eyes were fucking sparkling. "I love you and I want you to make love to me." I watched her face for any signs that she might not be as ready as she thinks. I didn't see any.

As soon as my lips touched hers, I knew that this was it. I could fucking feel it through my whole body. Our tongues moved against each other and I slid one hand up her side to the back of her neck and the other into her hair. Bella ran her hands up my bare chest and I felt little tingles wherever her fingertips touched. She let out a soft moan as I sucked on her bottom lip.

Bella took one sexy boot covered leg and wrapped it around mine. I took advantage of the new position and pushed myself in between her legs. I felt no hesitation in her kisses or her body language, but I wasn't going to fucking rush this shit. My lips left Bella's and trailed down her neck to her collarbone. She loved it when I bit and nibbled her collarbone, and a small gasp escaped her lips. Bella moved her hands back to my shoulders and continued to 0push my shirt off. I adjusted myself so that it came off easily and she giggled a little as she threw it. I went for her trigger spot behind her ear; blowing gently after I licked it.

As much as I loved the fucking boots, the things I wanted to do with them on where not appropriate for Bella's first time. I got up and sat back on my feet, running my hands down her whole body. I picked up one leg, kissing behind her knee, and slowly eased the boot off. I never broke eye contact with her and I never stopped touching her as I moved to the other leg. I kissed behind the other knee and pulled that boot off. I noticed she was wearing the toe ring. I eased her thigh-highs off and brought her foot to my lips and kissed the toe ring.

Her eyes were full of lust and I had to fight my horny fucking teenage urges to just dive in. I had to make this special for her; I had to take my fucking time. I ran my hands up her legs and caught her dress in my hands, I paused for a second and she gave me a tiny approving nod. I slipped my hands under the dress, pushing it up with my palms moving across her skin. She lifted up her hips as I pushed the dress up higher. Bella sat up as I pulled the dress over her head, her lips meeting mine as soon as it was off.

We fell back down on the bed, and she wrapped her bare legs around me. I pushed myself against her tiny body, rubbing my hard on in between her legs. Bella let out a soft moan...god she was fucking killing me with those moans. I reached my hand behind her to unhook her bra and she arched her back to me. I undid the clasp with ease and moved my lips down her neck to her shoulder. I pushed the bra strap down her arm following it with my nose, my lips just barely grazing her skin. Bella's breathing picked up and she shivered as I did the same thing to the other bra strap.

As my lips came to her wrist, I noticed a series of very small scars. I froze for a second, realizing what they were.  _They nearly drove me to suicide. I thought about how I would do it, had a plan all figured out, but I just couldn't do it._  Bella's words from the night before her birthday rang in my ears. How had I not fucking noticed these before? They were barely visible, but I should have fucking seen them before. I ran through all my memories of us together. There had only been a handful of times I'd seen her bare arms, and to be honest; I hadn't been fucking looking at her arms. My vision had been directed elsewhere. I was such as stupid fuck. Was I that much of a fucking hormone jockey that I completely missed something that fucking important? I should have seen them before this! I glanced up at Bella and she was biting her lip, her nervous habit. I could tell she was on the verge of tears, worried that this was going to ruin everything.

It twisted my heart to know that she had been in that much fucking pain, and that I hadn't seen it. It made me only more determined to love her with all my heart and fucking soul; more determined to fucking take care of her. I kissed each individual scar and finished taking her bra off. I thought briefly of my mother and decided that it was time for more forgiveness; later, right now I was all Bella's.

"It doesn't matter to me, love." I whispered to reassure her. She responded by running her fingers through my hair, giving it a little tug. I took in the sight of her fucking beautiful breasts, my fingertips tracing tiny circles over them. I started to tease her nipples, rubbing my thumb across to make them hard. My eyes never fucking left hers, and I was surprised that she maintained the eye contact. I leaned down, letting just the tip of my tongue touch her nipple. Her eyelids started fluttering as I took it in my mouth and gently started sucking. I continued sucking and biting until I could hear her little moans, letting out a little groan of my own when I heard them.

"I love you Edward." She breathed.

"I love you Bella." My hand traveled down her body, stopping in between her legs. She was already fucking wet. Very wet, I could feel it through her panties. I took advantage of the lubrication and began tracing circles in the area where it counted the most. She was enjoying it, the continued slipperiness and bucking of her hips told me so.

I pulled her up the bed so her head was resting on the pillows as I slid down the bed resting my head on the soft skin of her belly. I took a minute to just embrace her, so fucking happy that I could have cried. I did a little actually, just a single tear, nothing that would be noticed. I turned and wiped my cheek on my arm discretely then started kissing her belly…her hips. There wasn't one part of Bella that I didn't want to touch, explore. I worked my way down and adjusted her legs for easier access. I knew the next part might not be as pleasurable for her as it was damn sure going to be for me so I wanted to make sure she was taken care of. I'd made a promise after all, and even if I didn't, she would always come first...literally and figuratively.

I did my best to lick and suck and tease her. I used every trick I knew, and I had a few, to make her feel amazing. Her hands gripped my hair and I could tell I was getting her close. I thought getting Bella off might cost me a few hairs but I didn't give a fuck. I'd rip them all out if it made her know how much I love her. She started moaning deep and reached up and grabbed the pillows above her head. I continued my assault on her clit with my tongue and my fingers joined the dance as well. I felt her tighten around me and my dick nudged me wanting to be a part of the celebration. I growled and pushed my hips into the bed to quite him down. Bella moaned my name and panted and squeezed my fingers as I enjoyed every last fucking second of her orgasm.

When she was done I wiped my face on my shirt lying next to me on the bed and reached over for a swig of water. I had barely taken a drink when she reached over and grabbed me. I quickly screwed the top back on and let the bottle drop to the floor. Bella pulled me close and whispered in my ear with the most seductive and sensual voice I have ever heard in my life.

"Edward, I want to feel you inside of me. I love you and I want to  _make love_  to you." I don't think my dick had ever been harder or more wanting of another human being than it was at that moment. I quickly went through the catalog of sexual positions in my head, wondering which one would be the most comfortable…for her. I decided that if she was on top then she could control the speed, force and depth of the penetration…..oh God, the penetration. I was nearly salivating thinking about it.

I pulled her over on top of me and she sat up. I wasn't sure what to expect; fear, apprehension, hesitation. But that is definitely not what I got. Bella sat up and smiled; a big fucking chesire cat grin. She was loving this….she was loving  _me_. I could have fucking came right there but I maintained control. I pulled her down so I could kiss her. I put my hands in her hair and fucking told her how much I wanted her with my lips and my tongue. She let me. Then she sat up and guided my hands to her perfect breasts. My hands didn't object; they explored and rubbed eagerly. She was naked on top of me and my zipper was about to explode from the strain of restraining my rock hard cock.

Bella swung her leg over me so she was sitting at my side. I just looked at her, completely game for whatever she wanted to do. My heart sank as she crawled off the bed. Was she done? Did she change her mind? Shit. Blue balls was not even CLOSE to an accurate descriptor of what I would have if she stopped now, but I would deal with it. My eyes locked with hers and my face told her whatever she wanted was fine with me. She made her way around the end of the bed, never loosing eye contact with me. She had a shit-eating grin on her face and I wondered what she was up to. She crawled on the bed, between my legs, until she was positioned right on top of my hard on. My breath hitched and I wondered what she was up to. I didn't want Jessica to fucking invade this moment with her fucked up memories but I didn't want to make Bella feel rejected in ANY way.

I just laid still, waiting for Bella to have her way with me. I felt her working on my belt and I felt tense and apprehensive and fucking horny all at the same time. My button, my zipper then nothing. I opened my eyes, I hadn't realized I'd shut them, to see what she had planned and I saw her crawling off the end of the bed. What the hell was going on? She made her way off and grabbed the hem of each leg of my pants. Suddenly I understood. I reached down and pulled my pants down over my hips and she completed her mission by pulling on each leg, rendereding me pantsless in one quick motion. She looked like a magician pulling a table cloth out from under a fully set table. We both giggled and she crawled her way back up to me on the bed.

I had never seen Bella like this before. She was the predator, sexual, in complete control. She knew she could stop at any moment and I'd never complain. I would take what I could get and never make her feel like it wasn't enough. But she didn't stop. She crawled on top of me, taking my mouth in hers and showing me how much she loved me without saying a word.

There was no more than the thin fabric of my boxers between her and I and I know she noticed there was more of me there to sit on. Bella reached down and took me in her hand, squeezing with just the right pressure. Fuck…how long has it been…I hope this wasn't a disappointment for her. …I hope it wasn't over before she even fucking realized it had happened.

I groaned into her neck and pulsed into her hand. "Are you ready?" Bella whispered into my ear. Was I fucking ready, Fuck yes I was ready. Apparently she was ready too. She jumped off, pulling my boxers down to my knees. I finished the job by kicking them off the rest of the way. I raised myself up onto my elbows, "Bella, we don't _have_  to…..it's ok if you want to st …."

"Shhhh." She put her finger to my lips stopping me mid-word. "I want to." There was no hesitation in her voice, no doubt, only want…and love.

"I don't want to wait anymore….I've waited long enough and I love you." With that Bella kissed me with more wanting and need than I have ever felt. This was really going to happen. I returned her kisses but pushed her up just slightly so I could talk to her.

"Bella, love, I have something to make it….more comfortable for you. If you want it." I kissed her again, not liking the absence of her lips on mine.

"OK" she whispered timidly

I nudged her to the side so I could get up and damn near sprinted to my purple fucking suitcase. I pulled out the small container of lube and a condom I had packed just in case.

I returned to my position on the bed and showed her the tiny bottle. She looked at me inquisitively and I informed her of the contents and its purpose. She took it out of my hand and opened the container, holding it in mid-air, waiting my hand. I gave it to her without hesitation. She squirted a small amount onto my fingers and I reached down and applied it to its intended destination. Bella's hips pushed into my hand and feeling the slipperiness that was already present made me wonder if Emmett was fucking looney.

"It might be easier…if you were on top, love."

Bella nodded in understanding and crawled on top of me, kissing my chest, my nipples, my neck. I loved every fucking second of it. I put my hands on her hips and rubbed her tight ass eagerly. I was ready to take it as slow as she wanted to, but she had other plans. She whispered into my ear, "I love you" at the same time as she wrapped her hand around my cock and guided me into her. My eyes rolled into my head and I moaned into her ear. I felt her breath hitch slightly as she stopped her downward descent. I was just barely inside her and wanted to feel her completely but I was going to let her be in control of that.

I have had my share of just straight fucking but this is the first time I have ever made love to anyone. Even Tanya was more of a fuck, a fuck with feelings but still a fuck. Bella was so different. I loved every minute of it, even if she stopped right now, mid-shaft, it would have been the best time ever. This was a demonstration of my love not just a means to get my rocks off.

"Are you ok?" Bella was frozen, I couldn't feel her breathing. "Bella?" I started to get a little worried. "Do you want to stop?"

"No. I'm….I'm fine….just needed a sec." Her voice was a little strained. I reached up and pulled her to me and kissed her long and softly.

She kissed me back, increasing the intensity. I enjoyed everything we were doing but my dick was aching to feel more of Bella. I rocked my hips forward slightly, involuntarily, and groaned at the feeling of her tight around me. I didn't want to push her, but FUCK I wanted more.

Then I heard her whimper in pain. I'm so fucking selfish. How could I want more when just  _this_  was causing her pain.

"Are you alright, Bella? Let's stop, love, I don't want to hurt you." I reached up to guide her hips off of me but she kept her position.

"No. I don't want to stop. I'm fine. I love you, Edward." She bit her lip and continued until I was fully inside her. A loud groan escaped my lips, I couldn't fucking help it, she was so fucking tight. Bella let out a little sob, and I looked up to her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and welling up with tears. I felt like a huge fucking asshole for feeling so good while she was in pain. I stroke her face and then grabbed her hand, lacing my fingers with hers.

Bella started rising and falling over me, just slightly. It felt fucking amazing. I laid there rubbing her ass and kissing her softly. It started to feel a little too good to me. I really wanted to grab her hips and fucking drill her, make her scream my name, but I knew that wouldn't happen…not this time. She had a look of concentration on her face; it made my heart ache to know she was uncomfortable.

"We can stop any time you want to, ok?" As much as my balls would ache later, she was still more important.

"I don't want to stop." Her breathing was deep but steady…and fucking sexy.

"I love you, Bella…..but I think if we are going to continue, I better…umm…we better be careful."

"Oh, of course" Bella slowly raised her hips off of me and the second I couldn't feel her around me any more I missed it with my whole fucking body. Sex has never been a whole body experience for me before. Maybe that is the difference between sex and making love.

I reached over and grabbed the condom. I put it on, a little jittery with anticipation of being back inside my Bella. I motioned for Bella to come to me but she shook her head. My face fell slightly but only for a second. She reached over me and grabbed my hand, intertwining her fingers in mine, and pulled me over on top of her.

I showered her with kisses; on her lips, her neck, her collarbones, her breasts. She giggled and smiled and made me feel so fucking happy. Her legs parted and her eyes locked with mine again. I eased my hips up between her legs, she nodded in agreement. I reached down and felt Bella's opening to make sure she was still properly lubricated. The condom would be very uncomfortable for her if she wasn't. She still felt slippery but I wanted to make sure. I grabbed the lube and applied a little more, taking time to massage her most sensitive areas. She moaned and pulled my face up to hers and wrapped her legs around my hips. My dick was more than ready so it didn't take much for it to find her opening. I pushed in slowly, growling into Bella's neck as I sank deep inside her. I was feeling all of Bella now. I felt her with my whole body, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I was her and she was me, just us. Bella's held her breath and her grip on me tightened. I think it was a little uncomfortable for her but the rocking of her hips told me she wanted to continue.

I started to mimic her movements and nearly fucking lost it when she let out the breath she had been holding and moaned into my ear. My hands explored her body and hers did the same to mine. I started to feel the tension growing inside and sped up my movements, going faster and deeper. Bella was panting and moaning in my ear. I wished we could stay like this forever; her and I together in every way. I was getting close to cumming, it had been a very long time, and I think Bella could sense it in my movements. She squeezed her legs a little tighter around my hips, pushing me deeper into her and grabbed my earlobe with her teeth. That did it. I gripped the sheets beside her and buried my face in her neck, growling "Oh, Bella. I love you so fucking much…."

I was spent, physically and emotionally. In that moment I loved Bella more than I could bear. I laid still, there on top of Bella for a minute, just embracing her. "I love you Edward" Bella's voice was the sweetest music to my ears.

I smiled into her neck and gave her a soft peck. "I love you too Bella." another soft peck on the neck.

"Edward"

"Yes, love?"

"You're squishing me."It came out as sort of a squeak. Oh shit, in my post orgasm euphoria I had completely let myself just flop on top of her. I was no longer taking most of my weight on my arms and legs, it was all on her.

"Oh damn, sorry baby." I pushed myself up and off of her. She took a deep breath and giggled a little. I turned over onto my side so I could look at her beautiful fucking face. She was smiling, absolutely breath taking. I reached over and cupped her face in my hands.

"Thank you." I looked so deep into her eyes I thought I might get lost there forever. "Isabella Swan I love you, I love you, I love you….and I never want to be without you." Bella rolled over so we were side by side, her face still cupped in my hands. She reached her hand under my arm, around to my back and held me close to her.

"Thank  _you_ , Edward Cullen. That was the most beautiful and loving experience of my life. I'm so glad you waited for me."

"For you, I'd wait forever." We laid there together for a few minutes, and then Bella tensed up slightly. I was halfway to dreamland so it startled me.

"What's the matter?" I propped myself up on one elbow. Bella's eyes shifted aside, embarrassed I think.

"Nothing, Edward, I'm going to go clean up ok?" I nodded, a little worried. She got up and went quickly into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and wondered if she was ok. I got up to get cleaned up myself and I noticed a small spot of blood on the sheets. Shit **, I**  made her bleed. I knew this was pretty common, for virgins, but I'd never been the cause of it before. I felt horrible. I cringed as I pulled the condom off my now flaccid dick. That shit hurts. I had to inspect it to make sure it didn't take a layer of skin with it; I was good. I went over to the bathroom door and pressed my face to the door.

"Bella, are you alright?" Nothing. "Love?" Still no response. I turned the door knob and took a step inside the bathroom. "Bella, love, are you ok?"

"Yes, Edward, I'm fine." Her tiny voice came out from behind the shower curtain. "Just a little surprised. Did I….did I make a mess?" Ah, that's why she was embarrassed. I could imagine her chewing on her lip. It was so fucking adorable how she could be telling me she wants me inside her one minute and then ashamed about bleeding because of it the next.

"No, love, just a tiny spot. I'll call to get new sheets." I went to step back out but she stopped me.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love." That would be my answer to anything she ever wanted for the rest of her life if she let me.

"Do you want to come in with me?" Uh, fuck yeah.

I shut the door behind me and stepped into the shower with my perfect Bella. She stood there freshly washed and pink in the cheeks, either from our recent activities or from the hot shower water, maybe both. I scooped her up in my arms and held her tight; both of our bodies naked and vulnerable and completely in love with each other.


	27. Chapter 27

**BELLA**

I'd never felt such want before. I told Edward that I love him and it opened a flood gate in me that I didn't even know was dammed. I wanted to feel him inside of me; I wanted to crawl inside of him so there was no longer a separation between us. I wanted to be one with him…more than anything I'd ever wanted before.

I knew it was going to hurt, and it made me a little apprehensive, but the lust overcame the fear and I guided Edward into me. He let out a moan and my head felt dizzy with lust. I wanted to plunge him deep inside me but the pain kept me from doing it.

I was no stranger to period cramps but this was not even in the same ball park. I felt as if I was being torn apart a little…I probably was. Edward made mention of "little Edward" before when he was joking around with Emmett but I think he needs a new nickname for his penis. Moby Dick, Jumbo, Gigantor maybe but not "little Edward"; there is no way he's just  _average_.

I was trying really hard to keep from crying. I did ok, I had to hold my breath to keep it under control but it only took a minute until I was able to breathe again. Then Edward pushed his hips forward and I thought I was going to be split in half. I pushed my eyes shut and couldn't help but hold my breath. I just sat there, unable to move. Edward nearly pushed me off of him but I held my ground. I was not giving up that fast.

I found a rhythm and it seemed to help. Edward was clearly enjoying it. His little moans and groans were so incredibly sexy. I longed for the time when the pain was gone and only the lust and love consumed my senses.

I couldn't believe I didn't even think of using protection. I guess I should have thought about it earlier but it never even crossed my mind. I was glad Edward had some of his brains still intact. Apparently mine had all migrated south. Edward put the condom on and I wanted to feel him on top of me. I liked being on top; it allowed me to control the depth and speed of his penetration, thank God. But my body was still getting accustomed to its new role now and I didn't want to be in control anymore. I wanted Edward to have the control. I wanted to feel him take me the way  _he_  wanted to.

I pulled Edward over on top of me and intertwined our fingers; I wanted to be connected to him in every way possible. I wrapped my legs around his hips and kissed him with passion I didn't even know was possible. Edward eased his way up between my legs and rubbed me in just the right spot, adding a little more lube. I had to moan a little, his hands really are a gift from God.

Edward entered me again and I didn't feel the pain like I did last time. It hurt slightly but I felt more pleasure now. I started rocking my hips to let him know it was ok. He mimicked my movements but in a more elliptical way. With each stroke his body was pressing and sliding over the same area he loved to stroke with his fingers. I could see how this, minus the virginity sting, might lead to unrivaled orgasm…not this time though; pain was still the dominant sensation but not the only one.

I could tell Edward was enjoying himself as well. He was kissing me and feeling my body like a starving man eating at a buffet, no utensils required when your mouth works just fine. His movements started to get a little jerkier and I thought maybe he was getting close to having an orgasm. The thought of him having an orgasm because of  _my_   _body_ made my ears get hot and I felt myself tighten slightly around him. I squeezed my legs, pushing him deeper inside of me and grabbed his earlobe in my teeth. Edward lurched forward and let out a guttural moan pushing deep inside of me and holding there. "Oh, Bella. I love you so fucking much…."

I couldn't help but smile. Edward had an orgasm because he was enjoying my body so much. I felt no shame, no embarrassment, no regret…only love, and a little bit of soreness. I could fully admit to myself now that I love Edward with every fiber of my being and every ounce of my soul. "I Love you Edward." I could say it without hesitation, now and always.

….

I snuggled closer to Edward as I began to feel the first rays of morning on my face. I didn't like it when he wasn't the first thing I felt in the morning but when he was, I was completely happy. He was spooning me, his arms locked tight around me. I could feel his even breathing in my hair. I don't think I'd ever been happier in my whole life. Actually…screw happy, I was freaking ecstatic. A little raw and tender, but still ecstatic.

Losing my virginity had not been as bad as I feared. Edward did everything possible to make me comfortable, and while it did hurt enough to make me cry, it wasn't the excruciating pain that some girls complained about. Feeling Edward inside me was the moment I had been waiting for my whole life. I love him and he loves me. There was nothing more perfect in the world than hearing him say  _I love you_. Nothing more absolute.

In return for his love and his patience I gave him a part of me that no one else would ever have. No matter what happened between us in the future, he would always own that part of me. Of course, I wanted our future to be together, to feel his electric pulse inside me for the rest of my life. It never felt stronger than after our perfect union. I could feel it ebbing and flowing around us even now. This was what I wanted…forever.

Feeling and hearing him cum, gave me a lusty little thrill. I loved that it was because of me, it was much more intense than when we were just fooling around. I was beginning to see why Rose and Alice enjoyed sex so much. I only wish I had experienced an orgasm, but I knew not to expect it on my first time. The sex had been amazing even with the pain; I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when I stopped hurting.

The only downside to the night was the bleeding. I knew it might happen, but it was still…gross. I bled on Edward and on our bed. I didn't want him to feel like I was washing him away, but I had to shower. He was worried about me when he came into the bathroom. Was he possibly worried that I regretted it? I invited him into the shower; I honestly couldn't stand having him so far away from me for too long. We took turns gently washing each other. We were comfortable being completely naked together and it not turning sexual; proving even more in my mind that this was real love and not just two horny teenagers practicing.

When we were finished, Edward toweled me off and carried me to the chair next to the bed. He also stripped off the sheets and called for new ones. He did all this totally naked, which I thoroughly enjoyed. While we waited for the sheets, he put on a clean pair of boxers, and started to search through my bags for my pj's but I told him I wanted one of his band shirts. He handed me one, and a pair of my underwear. I declined the underwear and slipped the shirt over my head. The sheets arrived and Edward made the bed. He watched me crawl into bed with a funny expression on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing…just this dream I had…." He grinned and hopped into the bed next to me. "I love you."

"I love you too." He pulled me close to him and we cuddled into our favorite sleeping positions as he started to sing me to sleep.

I had the most restful sleep of my life that night. I don't think the grin ever left my face. I didn't think about anything else in the world except Edward and I.

Edward was stirring behind me, nuzzling his face in my hair. He let out a satisfied little sigh and began giving me soft kisses in my hair, moving down past my ear to my neck and stopping on my shoulder. He gave my shoulder a little nibble and whispered in my ear.

"Good morning, love." His voice had that early morning scratchiness to it that always excited me.

"Good morning."

"I love you." I smiled to myself. The world could collapse around us, but as long as I could hear him say those words, I would be fine.

"I love you too." I giggled a little and rolled over to face him.

"Do you know how relieving it is to finally be able to say that?" Ugh...if only he knew the war that raged in my head before I told him, though I knew it hadn't been easy for him either.

"Yes. I do."

"Are you feeling ok?" He ran his finger tips down my check and moved his hand behind my neck.

"I'm a little sore, but otherwise perfect." He pulled me closer and kissed my neck.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." I could see it in his eyes that he hated that there was no way around hurting me.

"Don't be sorry. I'm happy." Hopefully, the hurt part is over and we can move on to the pleasure.

"You really don't regret it?" How could I regret making love to Edward? Never.

"No, Edward. I'm  _happy_ , I love you. I don't regret a thing." He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.

"Bella…I thought I was never going to hear you say it and I'm so fucking glad I did. I love you more than anything in the fucking world Bella. You are my music, you are my life; my whole reason for existence. I hope I'm not overwhelming you….it's just, FUCK…I had to really tell you how I feel, without holding back." I didn't know how to respond, he basically stole the words right out of my mouth. I laid soft kisses on his face, hoping my actions conveyed my feelings. Edward gave me one last squeeze and we adjusted ourselves so that his chin was resting on my head and I was on his shoulder. We stayed like that for a few minutes, until Edward picked up my left arm, and ran his fingers over my scars. I tensed and Edward brought my wrist to his lips, giving me a soft kiss to calm me. "Why didn't I see them before?" He asked, more to himself than me. He didn't seem mad… just hurt.

"I hid them from you. I got so use to doing it…it's a subconscious act now. Renee made me hide them…we tried every single lotion and crème on the market to get rid of them. It sorta worked; you can't really see them unless you're up close."

"Have Alice and Rose seen them?"

"Rose, no. Alice, yes...but she didn't mention anything about it. I just noticed her expression change, but then she went right back to bouncy Alice."

"Why did you hide them….from  _me_?" The sadness in his eyes was breaking my heart. I wish I could have told him. I thought he would project all of his anger toward his mother onto me and I would lose him.

"I…because of your mom. I didn't want you to be mad. I didn't want you to leave me." I started chewing on my lip, but Edward took his thumb and pulled my lip out from between my teeth.

"Don't do that. Don't be nervous. I'm not going to leave you.  _Ever_. I'm so sorry you felt so alone. I wish I was around then. I promise you'll never feel that way again, ever. Just…no more secrets ok?" He kissed my wrist again, and pulled it down to rest on his chest, laying his hand over mine. "It's in the past."

"Thank you. I love you." Those words just didn't seem like enough to convey what I was feeling for him. Love was used too much, and too little sometimes. It could mean the feelings for a friend, like I love Alice, but as much as I love her it doesn't compare to my feelings for Edward. I really must find a new word.

"I love you too." Edward flashed my favorite smile. He lifted the covers and peeked underneath. He sighed as he dropped the covers. "Ok so…I take back the bathing suit comment. You should be just like  _this_...all the time. This is my favorite!" He wiggled his eyebrows and I laughed. I tickled his side, and he gave me the look of death. Just as he was about to attack, I was saved by my cell phone ringing.

Edward grabbed my phone off the nightstand. "Ugh…it's the evil little elf. It's like she knows just when to interrupt us." I reached for the phone, but he held me away with his long strong arm as he answered it. "Hello?...yes I can answer my girl's phone whenever I want….you answer Jazz's phone all the time!" I started stroking his long strong arm, enjoying the feel of his muscles under my fingertips. The feel of his hand on my chest wasn't bad either. "...she's busy….none of your business….maybe she doesn't want to talk to you….ok ok ok….we'll be there." He closed my phone and set it back on the stand.

"What does Alice have planned now?"

"Breakfast again."

"Well…we better hurry then." Edward and I got dressed in the same room, no longer held back by modesty. I stole more of his band shirts, after I noticed he packed more than enough for four days. I knew he had packed them for me. We walked to the dining room hand in hand, and the others were waiting for us of course.

As soon as Alice saw me, her jaw dropped and she started poking Rose. Rose turned to me and her expression was a mirror of Alice's. I didn't understand what was going on, so I decided to ignore it and started to sit in the chair Edward pulled out for me, but Alice had other plans.

"Um…we need to go to the restroom. Don't we Bella?" She got up and yanked me out of my chair. Rose followed and started to push me from behind. I glanced back at Edward, but he looked as helpless as I felt.

"What the hell?" We stopped as soon as we turned the corner and were out of sight of the boys. "What is wrong with you guys?"

Alice looked me dead in the eye."You. Had.  _Sex_."

"What? Wait…how did you…" I was beyond confused. I started blushing more than I probably have in my whole life.

"You have sex glow." Rose stated with a smile.

"What? I don't have a sex glow."

"Oh yes you do." Alice was practically jumping out of her skin. "Well…how was it? Not that I want to know if my brother is good in bed…ew…but did it hurt? Was he gentle? Was it romantic? Did you tell him you love him? Did he tell you? Are you sore?"

"Jesus, Alice! Give the girl a minute!" Rose put her hand over Alice's mouth. "Are you in any pain? I was…the day after my first time. I have some Advil in my purse. Sometimes when Em….."

"No…thank you. I'm alright." I cut her off before she could elaborate. Rose dropped her hand and Alice was still desperately trying to contain herself; bouncing back and forth on her tiptoes. I thought she might actually explode. Or wet her pants. I sighed in defeat; there was no way in hell I was going to be able to walk away until I told her. "It was…wonderful. Edward was a gentleman, and yes…I told him I love him." I could feel the huge grin forming on my face, and I had no urge to fight it. I love Edward, I didn't care if the whole friggin world knew…except for Charlie. That was one huge obstacle I didn't know how to overcome.

"Oh Bells, I so happy for you!" Alice lunged forward and gave me a surprisingly big hug for such a tiny person. "You and Edward are perfect together. I knew you two would heal each other." I hugged her back, I truly loved Alice and thought of her like a sister, and she brought Edward to me. I suddenly became determined to find away to repay her.

"Ok, enough mushy shit, let's get back to breakfast before my monkey man starts eating his own hand." Rose led the way and Alice and I walked back with our arms linked together. I took my seat next to Edward, and he put his arm around me as he leaned in for a quick kiss.

"I love you." He mumbled in my ear. "And I'm sorry." I didn't understand the apology, until Emmett scooped me up out of my chair and hugged me tight.

"My little Jelly Belly is all grown up!" He cried in a fake sob. "You're a woman now." People in the dining room were starting to stare. Ok, THIS was the most embarrassing thing ever. I think my whole body blushed so hard I turned pale again.

"Fucking Christ Em! Shut the fuck up!" Edward hissed as he jumped up and pried me out of Emmett's arms. "Just tell to whole fucking hotel. I think there were a couple people on the third floor that didn't fucking hear you." I curled into Edward's chest and used his shirt to cover my face. I was so embarrassed that I started giggling uncontrollably. Kind of like the giggling that happens when you are exhausted and your brain stops functioning properly.

"Dude…I think you broke her." I heard Jasper say.

"Great fucking job, Emmett." Rose growled.

"Shit, I'm sorry Jelly Belly! I'm just excited for you! You and Eddikins are finally like…. _together_. Maybe he'll stop being such a fucking emo bitch if he's getting some on a regular basis." Tears were streaming down my face, I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Apparently my mind could not take that much embarrassment at one time.

"Are you alright love?" Edward sounded really concerned. I struggled to stop laughing and looked up at Edward's face.

"Please… get him…back…for me." I said as I fought to control the laughter.

"Oh trust me, love…I will."An evil grin, one that rivaled Rose's, formed on his face.

"Shit." Emmett muttered.

"Can we please eat now? I need food to keep up my energy level!" Alice cried. Everyone settled in their seats and we all ate our breakfast. Emmett flinched every time Edward made a sudden movement. It was quite funny seeing Emmett scared. Alice declared it couples day until after dinner, and we all went off to our separate rooms. I was sure that 'couples day' was mostly for mine and Edward's benefit.

After we made it to the room, Edward picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, flopping me down on the bed. He unbuttoned my pants, and I thought he was going for more sex.

"Edward wait…" I was still sore….but not unwilling. He ignored me and grabbed the legs of my jeans and pulled them off me; almost exactly the same way that I pulled his pants off the night before.

"There…that's much better. I really do like you like this." He kicked off his pants and propped himself above me, giving me a soft kiss. "What do you want to do today?"

"Ummm…I think our guitars need some lovin."

"Ok then, guitar lesson it is." He gave me another barely there kiss, and rolled to his side. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

"Turn about is fair play, it's my turn to pick the next activity." With that Edward sauntered over and grabbed our guitars. I wondered what he has in mind and I wondered if my body can take it.

**EDWARD**

Bella smelled so fucking good. I kinda wanted to keep my nose in her hair forever. Wait…actually I couldn't decide which part of her I never wanted to stop feeling; her hair, her face, her collarbones, well any part of her really.

Her shirt had pushed up in her sleep and the only thing between us was my boxers. This was one fucking morning wood issue that was very difficult to keep under control. Now that I'd been inside her, I fucking wanted it bad. I was hopelessly fucking addicted. I was still a fucking gentleman though and I knew my girl was probably a little tender so I settled for soft kisses.

I let everything I felt about her just pour out of my mouth. I didn't want to frighten her but it was about time she knew just exactly how much she meant to me. If we were going to be together, fully, then she needed to know. I was well past the point of holding back, even if she wanted me to; I don't think I'd be able to fucking do it again.

My eyes fell over her scars again and I needed an explanation. It didn't matter what it was, I just needed to know. I would never get mad at her. It took me several years after my mother tried to kill herself to realize that anger was not going to fix anything. I spent many hours in secret with Uncle Carlisle, studying medical journals, learning the ins and outs of depression and suicide. Bella's scars weren't that bad actually; they were small, thin and almost completely faded. I was ashamed of the fact that she thought she had to hide them from me. I love her, I'd slit my own fucking wrists before I'd ever let her feel that alone and hopeless again. Just as the tension lifted and the fun was about to begin, my fucking sister called.

"Hello?"

"Edward? Does Bella know you are answering her phone?"

"Yes, I can answer my girl's phone whenever I want."

"Says who? Did she say that? Did she give you permission?"

"You answer Jazz's phone all the time!"

"That's totally different. Anyways, can I talk to Bella please?"

"She's busy."

"What could she possibly be doing that is more important than talking to me?"

"None of your business."

"Goddamnit Edward. Let me talk to Bella!"

"Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you and Bella better be in the dining room in twenty minutes or I will come in there and shove one of Rose's heels up your ass."

"Ok ok ok….we'll be there."

I was a little sad watching Bella put clothes on, seeing her naked except for my shirt was fucking hot. It made my dream seem a little closer to reality. I packed extra shirts just in case she wanted to wear them; she proved my extra effort wasn't a waste.

I took my time getting dressed; I wanted to watch her, to make sure I had enough visions to carry me through the time we were going to be separated once our trip ended. It was nice not having to take turns hiding in the bathroom while we got ready for our day. We were late getting to the dining room, and I could feel Alice's annoyance. I watched Alice's face go through a hundred expressions in a matter of seconds, only to end in shock.

Fuck. She knew. She always knows. I don't know why I had assumed it would stay a secret that Bella and I finally took that next step. Bella and Alice were as close as sisters, Bella would eventually tell her, but I wanted to have at least one fucking day where we could just enjoy it and keep it to ourselves. Alice and Rose pulled poor Bella away, no doubt going to force the details out of her. There was nothing I could do to save her, I wasn't fucking stupid enough to think I could fight Alice and Rose off.

"You and Bella had sex didn't you?" Jasper asked.

"What the fuck? How the fuck did you know?"

"That was Alice's 'one of my friends just had sex' face."

"Alice has a specific face for that?" Jasper started laughing.

"Yea, she does actually."

"Wait…you and Jelly Belly had sex?" Emmett looked a little ticked. He kinda had the same expression on his face that I wore after Jasper told me him and Alice had sex. I wasn't sure whether to be terrified or to laugh at Emmett acting like an obnoxious brother. I prepared myself for an oncoming fist, just in case. I punched Jasper out cold when he told me. "I thought she wasn't ready yet." Emmett scowled at me.

"She changed her mind. She told me….she said that she loves me." I felt a little giddy, like the twelve year old girl that Emmett sometimes claimed I was.

"Are you going to cry happy tears? Because…I might just have to ask you to forfeit your penis if you do." Emmett joked, but I knew somewhere, deep down, he was actually happy for us. "Are you going to be cheerful now? I'm tired of feeling like I'm living in a fucking Cure video."

"Fuck you Em." I gave him the standard accompanying head jerk.

"Ooo…just wait until I congratulate Jelly Belly." It was hard to tell what the fuck Emmett would do. He was a little off the wall sometimes. I hoped he wasn't planning one of his table top serenades.

"Shit. Don't do anything to embarrass her!" I should have known my words would fall on deaf ears; he just had to be Emmett. He embarrassed her so bad; I think her mind snapped a little. I took Bella's plea for revenge seriously, and made a mental note to enlist Alice. Everyone thought Rose was the evil one…if they only knew. Rose will jack a brotha up right to his face, with Alice you'll never see it coming and never be the same afterward.

I couldn't wait to get Bella back to our room. It wasn't even because I was fucking horny; I just wanted to be alone with her. We only had this day and the next then it would be back to hiding in closets and sneaking through windows; pretending that we were indifferent to the other's presence. We had to fucking figure this Charlie thing out. Bella had to run off three times a day to Alice and Rose just so she could call Charlie and keep up the façade of being on the trip with them. I was impatient for just those 5-10 minutes. If it was bad for us to be separated all week before, there was no way we were going to make it now. We owned too much of each other now, it was going to feel like a part of my body was missing. A vital part.

I ripped Bella's pants off almost as soon as we stepped in the door. She was never more fucking beautiful to me than when she was just lounging in my clothes. My black shirt against her bare pale skin was so sexy; I had to remind myself that she was probably still hurting. Stripping down to my boxers had probably been a stupid idea but I covered little Edward with my guitar and began to give Bella her lesson.

She was right, she did forget most of what I taught her, but I was patient and she was trying. She started flashing the frustrated face, and it was not fucking helping the situation in my boxers. When she tripped up over a cord change, she stuck the tip of her tongue out and her face screwed up in concentration; I almost had to excuse myself to the bathroom. It was too fucking much. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my hormones at bay.

I mentally thanked God when Bella put her guitar down and said she just wanted to hear me play. My mind would be distracted from my perverted thoughts when I played for her, leaving only the love and emotion. Whenever I played for her, I played from my fucking heart and soul.

But leave it to my Bella to surprise the fuck out of me. Halfway through my song, she got up and swiftly removed the guitar right out my hands.

"What are you doing? I though you wanted to hear me play for you?" I laughed.

"I did, but…" She chewed her lip and blushed. "You are really sexy when you play the guitar in your boxers."

"Oh really?" I grabbed her hips and guided her down to my lap. I gave her neck a little nibble. "You are pretty fucking sexy yourself….when you…do  _anything_."

"Thank you." Bella leaned forward, rocking her hips and gently taking my bottom lips between hers and sucking on it. I froze my body, not quite sure exactly where this was leading. Bella released my lip and her eyes were fucking sparkling again, half lidded and full of lust. "Edward…"

"Yes?" I asked as I swallowed hard, my voice just a little squeaky. Bella weaved her fingers into my hair and turned my head so that my ear was to her mouth.

"I want you." She breathed.

Fuck. Me.

For a relatively inexperienced girl, she sure knew how to fucking break a man.

"Aren't you still a little…you know…sore?" Must not let penis do all the thinking. Must think of her needs.

"Yes...but…I have to get use to it somehow." Well…you can't fucking argue with logic. "Of course…if  _you_  don't want to…." She started to move off my lap, so I tightened my grip on her hips and pulled her closer, crushing my lips against hers. It wasn't long before her shirt was on the floor and my fingers found their way into her panties. She flinched a little when I eased my finger in, so I focused more on her clit, rubbing it in circles. Bella was moving with my hand, rubbing herself right over my erection. She was fucking soaking my boxers. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to just fucking slam myself into her. I waited until she came and reached behind me to grab the bag off the table. I yanked that fucker onto the floor and rooted around for the condoms, all while Bella was sucking on my earlobe and biting my neck. I pulled out the condom and Bella sat back while I put it on.

"Do you want to go to the bed?" Bella asked with a sexy voice and raised eyebrow.

"No, I want you right here, on top." She nodded and lowered herself on to me. She gasped in pain, but before I could make a move she shook her head. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her hips.

"I love you."

"I love you too." She started rocking her hips, and I prayed that I would last longer than I did before. I let her control everything. My eyes rolled back into my head as her movements sped up. I don't ever remember sex feeling this fucking good before. It wasn't just that Bella was tighter than the other girls I'd had before. It was that fact that it  _was_  Bella, and it was love, and need and electricity. Bella was moaning my name, and I couldn't hold back after hearing it. I tightened my grip on her hips, taking control and pushed her down on my dick, holding her in place as I came. "God. Bella. Fuck."I growled into her neck. I rested my head against Bella's chest as our breathing slowed. After a few seconds, realized I probably used too much force with her.

"Shit, love, I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Was it better this time?"

"Yes…a little." There was something off in her voice. Either she was lying about me not hurting her, or she was starting to regret this whole sex thing.

"What's wrong?" I stroked her face, pushing some hair behind her ear.

"I didn't…have an orgasm."

"Oh." Well that was a fucking ego buster. "I thought…when you were moaning my name…"

"I know you like that…so…"

"Oh." Hi…crushing defeat…my name is Edward. "I guess…I'll just have to…try harder next time?" Not that I thought I was a fucking sex God or anything…but this was a new situation for me. I  _used to be_  a little cocky about my ability to get girls off. My face fell, and I dropped my hands from Bella's face. "I'm sorry?" I kinda shrugged my shoulders, still unsure on how to respond to my girl telling me I couldn't get her off.

"Oh Edward…no! It's not like that." She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. "No, it was…a little uncomfortable. I thought…maybe it would feel better than it did. Wait…that didn't sound right. You were great!" She gave me a huge grin and a double thumbs up. I busted out laughing. "Oh God. That was lame." She blushed all the way down the tops of her breasts and covered her face with her hands.

"Oh, love. It's ok. I get what you meant." I was still chuckling to myself while Bella's skin slowly lost its red tint. "I don't think anyone's ever giving me a thumbs up after sex before." Bella groaned into her hands. "I think I like it."

"It's just one embarrassing thing after another today." I gave her a quick peck in the cheek and lifted her off me.

"I'm going to go clean up." I went into the bathroom to do my thing and came out a few minutes later to find Bella still in only my t-shirt, lying on the bed, watching TV. The position she was laying in wouldn't be as suggestive if she had clothes on. She was on her side, propped up by her elbow. Her other hand was resting on her bare thigh, holding the remote. Her legs were bent at her knees and from my angle I could catch a peek between her legs. I swear she was trying to fucking kill me. I changed my boxers and sat on the edge of the bed.

"So, anything else you want to do today?" She asked as she flipped through the channels.

"How about…we go see a movie or something?" I had to get her fucking dressed and out of this room. My balls were in danger of exploding if I didn't.

"Sounds like a plan." We put our clothes back on and called a cab. I didn't want to take the van in case the others wanted to go somewhere. The cab dropped us off at the only theater that was open during the off season. They didn't get many new movies here, but they were showing  _Casablanca_. Bella had never seen it before.

"You've never fucking seen  _Casablanca_?"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Love, even Em has seen it."

"Well then, let's go watch it." I bought us a huge ass bucket of buttery popcorn and all the candy she wanted. We started out sitting next to each other, but about halfway through she migrated into my lap. Bella ended up crying at the end, and I kissed her tears away. "They should have ended up together."

"Yea…but then it wouldn't be a classic movie. It would just be like all the other ones."

"I guess. You would never send me away would you? Let me go?" Bella asked as we exited the theater.

"Bella…I would bend over backwards to make you happy. Even if it meant letting you go. It would fucking kill me to do it though." I pulled her into my arms. "Bella, I meant what I said; you are my whole fucking life. I would never let you go unless you wanted me too."

"Edward, I love you so much. I don't ever want you to let me go." She rose up on her toes and kissed me. I squeezed her tightly and led us to a bench to sit while I called for another cab. Bella grew strangely quiet.

"Are you ok? Did the movie upset you that much?"

"No…I was just thinking….what are we going to do about Charlie?" Bella's voice was stained and I could tell she was stressed. "We're going to be separated as soon as we get back. We're going to have to pretend to just be coincidental members of the same group…no ties, no connection. I don't think I can do that...not after…not after making love to you. Not now." She was on the verge of an emotional meltdown.

"Bella, love. It's ok. We will figure it out. I swear. I'll kidnap you to Vegas and marry you if I have to." Bella tensed and her eyes grew a little wide. "That was a joke, Love. A very very bad joke." I sighed and tried again. "We'll work it out; we have my whole family on our side. Carlisle can be pretty damn convincing if he needs to be. Let's not worry about it tonight. We still have tomorrow left for just you and me, Ok?" Bella nodded and leaned into me. We stayed like that until the cab arrived. As we got into the cab, my cell started buzzing. It was a message from Em.

_Done fuckin yet? Come drink with us. Kinda want to see Jelly buzzed and goofy._

Shit…Em wanted to party. After the whole Jessica fuck up, we all decided to stop partying for while. Em liked to kick back with a few drinks; so did Jasper and I knew they had been missing it. Rose and Alice use to be known for their kick-ass margaritas. Alice could hold quite a bit of alcohol for such an itty bitty person. I didn't even want to know how the hell he scored the drinks.

"Bella, do you feel like going to Rose and Em's room to have a few drinks? Maybe it will help you relax and forget about your dad for a while."

"Oh...umm…I don't know." I realized I didn't even know if Bella had ever had alcohol before.

"We don't have to. We can just go back to our room. I'll tell Em." I started to text him back but Bella put her hand over the phone.

"Actually…we can go. It sounds like fun. I need some cheering up. I've only been drunk twice before. It happens kinda fast but I know you'll take care of me." She flashed me her cutest little grin.

"Alright. Let's party." I erased what I had and sent the confirmation text to Em.

_We'll be there._

This was going to be a fucking interesting night. We made our way up to Em and Rose's room. I stopped Bella just outside of it, "Bella, are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to drink if you don't want to."

"Yeah, I'm sure. It'll be fun. I'll just have a few. I don't want to waste any of my time with you praying to the porcelain Gods."

"Ok." I gave her a long passionate kiss and a little ass grab then knocked on the door. I could hear Emmett from behind the door. "Oooooo my Jelly Belly is here….Rose how's those margaritas coming? Jasper, line up the shots, that pussy Edward needs to catch up."Oh shit, sounds like Emmett had a good head start. His words were a little slurred already.

Alice opened the door with a smile and gave Bella a hug pulling her into the room. Jasper had the room table set up like a bar and he was standing behind it sporting a fucking three layer ensemble. He looked like a fucking bartender from some funky ass club. Alice must have taken him shopping…and dressed him. She must have done some serious persuading to get him to wear that fucking get up. He had a blue plaid button up shirt on under a burgundy leather vest and on top of that was a black pin stripped suit jacket, all of this on top of dark jeans. The bottom half looked like Jasper but the top was someone the fuck else. I didn't even want to think about what she must have done, or promised to do, to him to get him into that fucking clown suit.

Bella and I walked in past Alice and I gave Jasper a look of 'what the fuck came over you'. "Hey Prick! Wazzup? Got you all set up here, three shots ought to get you caught up…to me anyway…Em was half in the can when we got here."

Emmett came out of the bathroom and scooped Bella up over his shoulders. "My Jelly Belly's here. Come have a drink with me." Emmett flung her around like a figure skater and sat her down on her feet, a little dazed. He certainly had skills when it came to throwing women around, I guess all that practice adjusting Rose to various positions helps out. Jasper dispensed some of Rose's margarita concoction into a large plastic cocktail glass, pure Alice of course. If it were up to Emmett to plan this sort of thing we'd be taking turns drinking out of the Dixie cups from the bathroom.

So there we were. Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rose, me and Bella, all with drink in hand; laughing and telling embarrassing stories about one another. It was perfect, as perfect as it could be considering Bella and I weren't alone. I downed the three shots Jasper had poured for me and nursed the same beer for most of the rest of the night. I didn't want to get sloppy drunk and end up chuckin' on Bella or something. It's been a long time since I had anything to drink, since the whole Tanya/Jessica fucking circus. I kinda swore off alcohol after that.

Various songs came and went. Rose's taste was NOT mine but it was mostly in the background anyway. I thought I heard a few Emmett tunes and even a few of mine and Jaspers favorites. Bella was working on her second margarita and her cheeks were getting rosy. Alice was talking a mile a minute and Rose was sitting on Emmett's lap instead of the chair. I have to admit, I wasn't feeling any pain either. We were all blissfully lost in happy Buzzland.

I heard fucking Justin Timberlake come on and rolled my eyes. Alice and Rose squeed and jumped off of their respective partners. Rose reached over and cranked her iPod up to earsplitting level. Fuck.  _Love Sex Magic_. I glanced over at Bella and she had a somewhat confused look on her face. I wondered if she's ever heard this song. Rose and Alice were dancing like crazy women in front of Emmett and Japer. I could see why they didn't mind the song if it brought up memories of this shit. I kept my eyes on my girl, I was used to seeing Rose do this to Em but seeing my sister lap dance on my best friend was not something I enjoyed. Bella got up and walked over to the bar table for a refill. I think maybe she was embarrassed, or didn't know what to do. Fucking Alice and Rose, just because they were practically strippers didn't mean that Bella wanted to do that. I was starting to get a little pissed. I didn't want Bella to feel like she didn't belong. I was contemplating changing the fucking song but Bella changed my mind.

By the chorus she was standing in front of me. I looked up and she had a fucking evil grin on her face. I grinned and she started bouncing her hips to the music in front of me. She started off kinda slow but as the song progressed she was gyrating in front of me and staring me straight in the eyes. I grabbed her drink and sat it down on the nightstand…I think…I don't really know what the fuck happened to it and honestly I didn't care. Bella took a step over one of my legs so she was straddling it and grabbed my hands, putting them on her hips. I kept them there gently, feeling her move back and forth in a sexy figure eight. Bella put her hands on my shoulders and gave me the sexiest fucking look ever, confidence and intention. She knew what she was doing to me and she knew I was loving it.

The fucking song ended and in unison all the male heads in the room snapped toward the offending iPod. Jasper was closest and quickly hit replay. The girls all giggled and the boys all adjusted their jeans. My attention was returned to Bella as she leaned down and grasped my earlobe in her teeth. Mother. Fucker. The song picked up again and she stood back up resuming her previous motions. I just sat there in a fucking lust induced stupor. Bella started winding her hips down to my leg and I swear to God I had to grab the sheets to keep myself from throwing her on the floor right fucking there when I felt the heat of her on my leg. She didn't stay there long, my Bella was no stripper. She did push into me and give me a long lustful kiss that nearly made me cream my jeans though.

The song ended, again, and Emmett reached over and hit the power button. Silence. As if on cue, us guys started mumbling about how late it was and how we all better get some sleep. Everyone practically ran out of that fucking room and Emmett was all over Rose before the fucking door even shut.

Bella and I rushed into our room, once I got the fucking door key to work. Fucking things. I was about ready to just kick the fucker in when it finally gave us the green light and much coveted ding. Bella pushed me in and slammed the door closed behind us. I turned to look at her and she already had her shirt off. I soaked in seeing her standing there in jeans and a bra, she really is fucking beautiful. I growled and grabbed her hand, pulling her to me. I showed her how much I wanted her with my lips and tongue. Apparently she wanted me pretty bad too because her lips and tongue met me at every turn.

I pushed her up against the wall. I had her fucking pinned and she loved it. Her hands were tugging at my hair and greedily feeling up my chest, arms, and shoulders. Bella reached down and yanked my shirt up over my head. She leaned in and took my nipple in her mouth. I pushed my hips into hers and groaned. She certainly did know how to drive me fucking crazy. I pushed her face up and drove my tongue into her mouth.

I felt Bella pull her leg up so she could feel more of me. I grabbed her thigh and obliged her with a firm push of my rock hard cock against her. She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning her head back and sighing. I took the hint and dove into her neck; kissing and biting and devouring her as much as possible without hurting her. Bella was groaning and pushing against my hard on. There was no question, she wanted to fuck. We'd made love, twice, and it was very sweet and loving but this time was different. Bella was buzzed up and horny, the love was still there but so was lust and it was hungry.

Bella pushed me back onto the bed and smiled. In an instant she was on top of me unbuckling my belt and whipping my pants off. The boxers came off next with no opposition from me. I was wondering what Bella was going to do next when she climbed up on top of me. She took my dick in her hand and plunged it in her mouth before I could say a word. She was licking, sucking, and pumping up and down and I just laid there looking at her. I was surprised when Jessica didn't make an appearance, I was waiting for it. It took me a minute to realize what the fuck was going on. Bella had successfully erased Jessica from my fucking brain, either that or the shots did, either way she was fucking gone; and Bella was very skillfully overwriting those fucking memories with some amazing new ones. I laughed a little when I realized this. I reached down and grabbed Bella's hair, not too hard, just enough for her to know I was definitely a participant. She moaned and my eyes rolled back in my head.

Bella had my balls in one hand, my dick in the other and her mouth all over the place. She did this fucking swirly thing at the top then glided all the way down, moaning a little when she was at the base. I was getting way too excited. Where the fuck did she learn this shit? My guess is Alice and Rose were swapping stories. My toes were curling and my hips were moving on their own. I didn't want to blow a load in my girl's mouth so I took my hands out of her hair and pulled her chin up to me.

I kissed her hard and rolled her over so I was on top of her. Her legs parted and wrapped around my hips, pulling me hard against her. I rocked into her as I reached back to feel her leg. I eased my hand down her thigh until I had her ass in my grip. I grabbed it hard and pushed my dick up against her. It pulsed in agreement and begged the barrier of her jeans to disappear.

Bella pushed down on my shoulders and I got the message. I scrambled down the bed, once again pulling my Houdini act to get my girls pants off. I took the side of her panties covering her right hip in my teeth and slid them down her thighs past her ankles and off her feet. I gave them a toss with a flick of my head. I grabbed her leg and placed soft kisses trailing up to her thigh as I slid her leg to the side. An action she seemed to enjoy very much and that I repeated eagerly up the other leg.

Bella looked fucking hot as hell laying there spread eagle just waiting for me to please her. I didn't want to keep her waiting long. I placed myself between her legs and went to work. I mimicked her swirly maneuver and she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. Bella pulled her knees up and grabbed my hair. My dick was trying its best to override my brains plans of pleasing her first. It was throbbing and eager to feel her from the inside.

I brought Bella to the edge of ecstasy but then stopped. "What?" Bella breathed, still holding my hair. I smiled at her and she started to push my face back down to finish the job.

"Love, I want to make you cum another way." She didn't object. I quickly donned a condom then eased my way up between her open legs. I did the manual lube check and there would be no need tonight, she was fucking soaking wet. The alcohol made Bella relaxed and eager. She didn't even flinch when I eased my hard on into her opening. I went slow and easy, as much as I wanted to fuck the shit out of her, I didn't want to hurt her. Even if she didn't mind tonight, she'd pay for it in the morning.

I slid the length of my hardness into her until she could feel all of me. She moaned and pushed her hips up against me. I was nearly fucking undone but I composed myself and continued. I found a good rhythm and began working on her nipples. I alternated back and forth licking, sucking and nibbling.

"Oh, Edward, that feels so fucking good." She groaned. Hearing Bella say my name and 'that feels so fucking good' in the same sentence gave me renewed confidence. She was going to get off tonight if I had to use every fucking technique and position I knew. I'd make up a few new ones if I had to.

I pulled out and adjusted my position so I was sitting back on my heels. Bella looked at me a little confused. I reached behind her and snatched one of the pillows. I spun her to the side as I stepped off the bed. I grabbed her feet and straightened her legs up in the air. She didn't resist but still had a look of confusion on her face. I pushed back on her calves rocking her hips back as I slid the pillow under her hips. I could tell as I lowered her legs that now she understood. Her eyes were heavy with want and she licked her lips in anticipation of my re-entry. I parted her legs and pulled her hips up to me. I teased her a bit, rubbing her clit with the head of my dick. She growled and clutched the sheets above her head in her fist. I couldn't take being outside of her for long so I slid myself back in, never breaking the rhythm of the previous rubbing.

Bella reached up and grabbed my arm with one hand as the other kept the death grip on the sheets. I pulled her hand up to my mouth and gently kissed each finger. I could tell she was actually enjoying it this time and wasn't so concerned about it hurting. I kept a long steady rhythm and felt my way with my hand to her clit. I began rubbing her in tight circles as my pumping quickened. Patting your head while rubbing your belly had fucking nothing on this. Bella started panting and her quivering hips told me she was getting close. I leaned down and took her nipple in my mouth, tugging it between my teeth. That sent her over the edge.

"Oh My God, Edward, Oh My God!" I continued my assault on her senses and within seconds I felt her tighten around me. The sensation of Bella cumming around my dick…it was more than I could take. As she was clenching and releasing around me, I was pulsing and cumming inside her. We both were pretty verbal and let the other one know, without a single coherent word, that orgasm had been reached.

"That was amazing, Edward, I love you so much!" Bella pulled me down to her and was planting kisses everywhere on my face, still pulsing around me slightly. I laughed a little at her post-orgasmic display of affection. I wasn't laughing because it was funny, it was hot and sexy, I was laughing because I was so fucking grateful to have her.

I went to go clean up and Bella just laid there quietly on the bed with a big fucking smile on her face. I went into the bathroom, confidence beaming. I took care of the condom and washed up a bit. No blood this time. I was so happy I couldn't contain myself. I chuckled a little as I made a mental note of my new favorite song, fucking _Love Sex Magic_. Not that I'd ever listen to it without Bella but if I met Ciara right now I'd fucking run up to her and hug her like a crazed Robert Pattinson fan.

I went back out to snuggle with Bella and tell her how much I fucking love her, as if I haven't said it a thousand times since she finally said it to me. I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around her, breathing deep to get more of her scent into my brain. I kissed her gently and whispered "Bella, you own me. I'm yours…forever." I paused to let her respond but she never did. I leaned over her to see if she was ok. I had to smile, and laugh a little again, apparently Bella was spent. She was sleeping peacefully, buck-naked with a big fucking smile on her face. I watched her for a minute then reached up and clicked the bedside lamp off. I cuddled up to Bella's back and brought the covers up over both of us; trying not to think about losing this when we got home.


	28. Chapter 28

**BELLA**

Edward woke up before me for a change. He was running his fingers slowly over my body; up and down my arms, over my stomach, the back of my neck. It was romantic and sensual. It took a second for the mild headache to overpower the feeling of his finger tips grazing over my skin…and to realize that I was totally naked. I put my hands over my eyes to block out the sun.

"Hung over?" Edward asked softly. His hands were still exploring me, the touch becoming a little firmer with each pass.

"My head hurts a little. Nothing too bad." He grazed over my nipple and it responded instantly.

"Hmm…you know what cures a headache?"

I felt his erection press into my back and there was an immediate wetness between my legs. Last night's buzzed-sex had been amazing. I'd never experienced an orgasm like that before. It was definitely a full body experience. I think my pinky-toe was having spasms. I was eager to experience that again, but I wanted to shower and eat breakfast before I engaged in any more strenuous activities. My headache was beginning to demand more attention.

"Some Tylenol and pancakes?" I answered. He chuckled a bit and kissed the back of my neck.

"Yes…that's a very good cure for a headache. I'll order some room service for us." He snuggled up next to me, but discreetly placed the sheets between his body and mine. "Do you want to take a shower while we wait?" I nodded and he gave me one more kiss before releasing me from his arms.

I took a long hot shower and it eased the throbbing in my head a little. I'd only been drunk two other times; once with Jacob and his older sisters and once after he died. I snuck into my mom and Phil's liquor cabinet and drank until I passed out. The next morning had not been pleasant. However I was pretty sure that last night didn't even come close to how in the bag I was  _that_  day. Jazz had taken it easy on mixing my first drink and Edward took my second drink away when I did my sexy little dance for him, so my dull headache was nothing compared to my previous hang over experience. I heard the door open and shut but Edward didn't join me. I was a little disappointed, a girl does need her privacy, but I also needed my Edward.

I got out of the shower and saw that Edward had placed one if his shirts and a pair of my underwear on the counter. I dressed quickly, brushed the tangles out of my hair and wrapped a towel around my head. I opened the door to find our breakfast had already arrived. Edward was sitting on the bed in his boxers, setting up our food. I walked out and sat next to him and he handed me two Tylenol and a glass of orange juice. We ate our breakfast between kisses, laughter and teasing touches. The morning was quite relaxing and cheerful.

When we were done we curled up under the covers in each other's arms. Not speaking, not really doing much of anything except feeling the other's electric pulse and taking in the other's scent. My headache was gone and when Edward leaned down and kissed the soft spot behind my ear, I was ready to go. I hitched my leg around his waist and was about to roll him on top of me when the room phone rang. Edward groaned and I giggled as he reached behind his back and answered the phone.

"Hello." He kept his eyes trained on mine. He was silent for a few seconds, listening to whatever was on the other line. I felt tension fall around us like a lead freaking curtain. He dropped his eyes and I could feel a familiar heartache creep up. I didn't have to hear the phone call. I knew what it was about; I saw the light in his eyes die. The same way it does when he says goodbye to me on Sundays. This was our last day. Tomorrow we would leave our happy little fantasy world and return to the real world, where my father hated him, a skanky bitch wanted to tear us apart, and we had to pretend that our heart and souls weren't intertwined with each other.

"It was a recorded message, reminding us of our checkout time tomorrow." Edward whispered as he put the phone back with barely a click. He ran his fingers through his hair just as I started to chew on my lip. When my cell started to ring, we both knew who it was. "She'll want to distract us." Edward's voice was shaky. "She's probably got a fucking list as long as my arm of activities to keep us occupied. Don't answer it…please Bella."

"I have to, she'll just keep calling, and if I don't answer she'll break down the door." Edward's shoulders dropped in defeat and he handed me my cell then buried his face into my neck. His hands wound into my hair, grasped so tightly it was on the verge of painful, but I didn't care. If my hands weren't opening the phone I would be holding onto him for dear life.

"Yes?" My voice was strained.

"Bella? Um...how's your morning?" Alice asked timidly.

"Alice please don't try to make small talk. We all know why you're calling." Normally I wasn't so blunt with my best friend but the Little Miss Sunshine routine was not going to work with me this morning. Alice sighed.

"You guys can't be hermits in that room all day, worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow." Her voice was the same tone one might use with a child.

"What exactly do you want us to do?" Edward's hold on me tightened even more, his body language was clear. He didn't want me giving into his sister. He wanted to monopolize my time for the day.

"Just…come have lunch with us. The weather is supposed to be clear and fairly warm for December. We're going to have lunch on the docks. Please Bells?" Alice and Edward were both pleading with me at the same time. Only Edward's pleading I could physically feel and it was breaking my heart. I knew it wasn't healthy for us to seclude ourselves in the room brooding over our impending separation.

"When?"

"About an hour or two." I heard the thrill of victory in Alice's voice.

"We'll meet you in the lobby. Text me I guess." I closed my phone without saying goodbye and laid it on the pillow. If it was possible to wrap my entire body around Edward, I would have done it. I settled on my arms and my legs. We were as close as we could be without him actually being inside me.

"Why did you do that?" Edward asked quietly. He was still hiding in the crook of my neck.

"Maybe a distraction would be good for us." As I said it, I knew it was a lie. I shook my head because he knew it too. "Because you of all people should know Alice won't rest unless we are out of this room, letting her have her chance to cheer us up."

"The only thing that cheers me up is you." He lifted his head and when his eyes met mine, I thought I might drown. My brain went foggy, and I was half tempted to call Alice and have her tell Charlie I wasn't coming home, ever. For a brief instant, running off to Vegas didn't seem like such a bad joke. The peace and contentment and joy and lust were erased from his emerald eyes. The only things left were love and pain and if we didn't get a distraction soon, those emotions were going to consume us both.

"We have twenty-four hours left Edward, and only one of them has to be spent with the others." I tried to console him, but it was pointless. There would be no consoling, no making this situation better. I wasn't quite sure how long we lay together, just staring, but before we knew it, Alice was texting me, telling to get our asses down to the lobby. "We need to get dressed." I whispered as I pulled him off the bed. Edward nodded slowly and held my hand as we walked over to our luggage together. There was barely two inches of space between us while we put our clothes on. I wore his shirt, the toe ring and the earrings. He was still wearing the 'B' bracelet. I felt like he needed something else of mine, but I didn't haveanything left to give. He had everything already.

After we left the room, Edward was dragging his feet behind me. It wasn't like me to be the strong one, but there was no way in hell I was going to make it through the day like this.

"Edward, please…just pretend to smile. For me?" I gave him a half assed attempt at a smile and he flashed me a weaker version of his crooked grin. "We still have today."

"You're right, love. I'm sorry. I'll try harder." He wrapped his arms around my waist as we continued down the hall. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward." We got to the lobby and Alice jumped up to greet us. There was a little less bounce in her step, it was clear she wasn't sure exactly how much cheer we could take at the moment. Jazz gave us a little wave, and Rose gave a head nod of acknowledgment. I noticed Em was wearing sunglasses, and he was actually being quiet for once. I knew he was three sheets to the wind when we arrived the night before and God only knows how much he drank after we got there. I was otherwise occupied with getting Edward all hot and bothered. It seemed like a million years had passed since we were laughing, joking and making love without a care in the world.

"Are you guys hungry?" Alice had a picnic basket swinging from her hands. Alice and her freaking picnics…I wondered what tearful confessions would happen during this one.

"Umm…a bit." I replied. Edward just shrugged, he hadn't removed his arms from my waist yet and I don't think he had any plans to do so.

"Okthen…well, let's go." We all followed her out to the van and Jazz drove to the docks. Everyone was silent. Emmett and Rose were hung over, Edward and I were dwelling on our future goodbyes, Alice was most likely working out some sort of plan in her head, and Jasper was quiet because Alice was. It actually was a beautiful day out and it wasn't windy so the cold December air was manageable. It was a shame that Edward and I had absolutely no will to enjoy it.

Jasper pulled into a parking spot next to some picnic tables. Alice was setting up before the rest of us even made the effort to get out of the car. She was trying so hard to make us forget. I brought back my Happy Bella smile and went over to help her. Edward followed, of course, and did his part. I saw Alice and Edward frown at the same time, I guessed that they were having one of their little conversations. No matter how often I watched them talking silently to each other, it still creeped me out. I did my best to ignore it and we eventually sat down to eat.

Poor Alice tried about ten times to get a conversation going but no one was having it. We all picked at our food, Edward and I were radiating sadness, and it was bringing everyone down.

"Just let them go, Alice." Rose whispered.

"No. It's not good for them…."

"Fuck. Alice, just let them be." Em interrupted. He was massaging his temples as he spoke. "You remember when Jazz and Rose went to Europe for three weeks a few summers ago? Remember how you felt then? Times that by about a fucking million. We got to talk to them whenever we wanted to, see each other with the webcam whenever we wanted to, text them annnd… we met them at the airport and spent the whole next week attached to their hips. What are  _they_  going to have when they get home?" Alice started to pout and I started to feel worse. Edward's head sunk a little lower too.

"Fine. Just go. We'll see you in the morning, ok?" I felt a huge weight lift of my shoulders. No need to fake anything anymore. I hugged Alice and thanked Em with a kiss on the temple.

"Thank you Emmett." If I did have a big brother there is no way he could be any better than Em.

"No problem Jelly Belly. I won't let her bother you guys alright?" I nodded and Edward walked away while he called a cab. We didn't have to wait long for the cab and we were back in our room in no time. We weren't sure what to do, after Edward closed the door, we just stood there. Everything seemed so…lame. How can you find a reasonable activity when all you really want to do is connect yourself to the one you love…forever?

"I guess….we could…watch TV or something?" Edward suggested. He ran his fingers through his hair for about the hundredth time since the phone call earlier. It was a tangled mess, if I hadn't been on the brink of tears I would have been incredibly turned on.

"I don't give a fuck what we do, just as long as we're together and alone." I rarely cussed in front of Edward and his mouth twitched at the edges.

"I like it when you say fuck. It's hot." I smiled a genuine smile and there was a bit of relaxation in the air.  _Ok, we can still make the best of today, laughter is good_ , I said to myself. Edward held his arms out to me and I threw myself into them.

"Edward what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, love, but let's focus on what we have right now." He lifted me off my feet and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to the bed. He laid me down and took of my shoes then kicked his own off. We molded ourselves to fit the other and Edward turned on the TV.

We didn't need grand gestures or romantic words, we just needed each other. The others left us alone and we didn't move from our spots on the bed until my stomach started growling and Edward ordered room service for dinner. While we waited I packed our things, not really wanting to do it but knowing it had to be done. Edward watched me with no expression on his face. He attempted to help me but I stopped him, this was something I wanted to do by myself. I neatly packed his bag, remembering the feel and smell of his shirts, and then mine. I put our guitars in their cases and organized our toiletries. I reasoned in my head that this would not be our last time together. We had a whole lifetime ahead of us and Charlie would see how much Edwards cares for me…eventually.

It wasn't until I was picking up random things around the room that I broke. I saw the bag that held Edward's Christmas presents and my knees gave out and I fell to the floor sobbing. Edward sat down next to me, smoothing my hair back and giving me feather light kisses. He made no effort to comfort me verbally; it would have been a waste of breath. We stayed on the floor until there was a knock on the door and our food had arrived. We composed ourselves, and Edward opened the door as I sat on the bed.

We held hands during dinner, struggling to eat with only one hand, but not wanting to let go. After dinner we resumed our positions on the bed. The TV was still playing, but if someone asked me what was on, I wouldn't have been able to tell.

The night wore on and our touches became needier, our grasps tightened. We mutually decided to try to get some sleep so I got out of my jeans and bra and Edward stripped down to his boxers. Edward turned off the light but left the TV on, it was a nice white noise to distract us from our thoughts.

"I love you Bella." I heard the hitch in his voice and it nearly broke me again. I fought to keep it together. I didn't want one of his last memories of this place to be me sobbing.

"I love  _you_  Edward." We positioned ourselves differently, our legs intertwined, my face in his chest and his in my hair. Neither one of us could sleep. It was the first time that Edward's velvet voice didn't put me to sleep. I could feel the minutes turn into hours. We didn't speak, afraid of what the other might say or suggest. It was very early morning when Edward lost his cool.

"I can't fucking do this, love. I need you. I fucking need you." He rolled on top of me and I spread my legs, welcoming him to do what he wished with me. I fucking needed him too. We kissed and fondled each other like our lives depended on it. Our remaining clothes hit the floor and we made love slowly. It didn't hurt anymore and now that my senses weren't dulled by alcohol it was probably the most amazing sensation I've ever felt. After my first orgasm, I begged him not to stop. Edward flipped us and I sat on top of him while he guided my movements. It didn't take me long to cry out his name again and he called out mine soon after. I collapsed onto his chest, panting and sweaty. More time had passed than I thought; he was still inside me when the phone started to ring. I let Edward answer it. "Hello...Ok, we'll be there." He hung up the phone without a good bye. "We have thirty minutes."

I was shaking as I cleaned up and got dressed. Edward could see that I was a mess. "Come here, love." He brushed my hair for me; he even put it in a loose ponytail. "There. Feel better?" he kissed the back of my neck. My body responded to his gentleness by winding down to a more manageable state. I shook my head in agreement as I looked at the reflection of the two of us in the bathroom mirror. We looked perfect together. I couldn't picture anyone else ever taking his place there in the mirror. Somehow I needed to make Charlie see that too, but I had no idea how to do it.

We both gave the room one last glance before we shut the door. I didn't regret anything that happened on our trip but I did regret that the momentous steps we took happened in some random room we might not ever see again. Emmett and Rose were taking care of the check out so we went straight to the van. Jazz was going to drive us home; he and Alice were already in their seats.

"Hey Bells…Edward. Sleep well?"

"No." Edward answered sharply. Alice and Edward both ran their hands through their hair at the same time. He hated being short with her and she hated seeing him this depressed. I could feel another silent conversation coming on so I climbed into the seat and got snuggled up with my pillow. Edward didn't join me until Em and Rose crawled in the back. He wiggled in behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Everyone ready?" Jasper asked as he started up the van. No one answered him; I wasn't quite sure what everyone else's problem was. I had a feeling that mine and Edward's dark cloud had expanded over everyone. Everyone was silent as we crossed the water on the Ferry, a complete 180 from the last Ferry ride…that seemed like a lifetime ago.

We all took our previous positions in the van once we were back on land. Every now and then I heard muffled giggling coming from Rose and Em. I tried not to get jealous of the fact that they didn't have to say goodbye once we got home. We were about an hour and a half into our drive and I was just starting to fall asleep when my cell started playing a familiar tone.

"Hi Dad." I said as Edward hid his face and Alice shushed everyone in the car.

"Bells! On your way home?" He sounded so excited to have me back home. "How long do you think you'll be?"

"How long…." I trailed off, looking to Alice for help. She smiled and held up four fingers. "About four hours Dad." Leave it to Alice to think ahead. Four hours would give us plenty of time to get home and not have a rushed goodbye.

"Wait, didn't you have to check out early this morning?"

"Yes but um, we missed the ferry so we had to wait for the next one. We just got across." My skills of deception were growing by leaps and bounds lately.

"Oh. Well, I can't wait to have you home again! I've really missed you Bells. I'm taking the night off tonight, how does a movie marathon and junk food sound?"

"Oh yea, that sounds great." Pure faked enthusiasm. A movie marathon night; Charlie's form of father-daughter bonding. It meant that we would be up until after midnight and Edward wouldn't be able to sneak in. I would have to go all night without him and most likely without our phone call too. How do you go from having everything to having nothing in twenty four hours? I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. "Well, I'm about to fall asleep, Dad, so I'll see you when I get home ok?" I was fighting back tears and hoping Charlie didn't notice.

"Ok. See you soon. Love you."

"Love you too Dad." I closed the phone and put it back in my pocket. "Did you hear that?" I asked. I felt Edward's head nod against my back. "I'm sorry." He responded by lacing his fingers with mine and tightening the hold he had on me. I was hugging myself, with his arms over mine. The van started rumbling, Jasper had picked up the pace.

"Got to beat Charlie home." He explained when Emmett asked what the hell happened to the van. I wiggled out of Edward's grasp and turned so that I was facing him. I traced the lines and curves of his face, trying to commit them to memory. Edward's eyes never left mine the whole rest of the drive. We pulled to stop in my driveway and the only words that were spoken were a confirmation from Alice that Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen.

I gave Alice my house key, she and Rose were excusing themselves to use the restroom and Em and Jazz carried in my bags. Edward and I stayed in the car, facing each other. We didn't have a lot of time but we didn't want to say goodbye. Several minutes passed before either one of us said anything.

"Edward…" There was a lump in my throat and an empty feeling in my stomach.

"I know, love…I know." He cupped my cheeks in his hands and wiped away a few stray tears with his thumb. "It's only for tonight. Tomorrow is New Years Eve and Charlie will most likely be on duty. There will be lots of underage drinkers to arrest. I  _will_  fucking be with you tomorrow night." Edward took a ragged breath, not even trying to hold back the tears in his eyes. He drew me in for a long passionate kiss. There was a desperate edge to the kiss, as if both of us would cease to exist when it ended. "I love you."

"I love you too." 'I love you' didn't feel like enough, but confessing that he owns my heart and soul just doesn't come out as smoothly . I saw the others standing outside the car, debating on whether or not to interrupt us. Edward's eye followed my stare and he sighed.

"Tomorrow night. I swear on my fucking life." I could only nod in response. Who knows what might have spilled out of my mouth if I attempted to talk at this moment. One last kiss and I climbed out of the van; my hand trailing behind me, grazing across him until I was too far away to remain in contact. I didn't dare look back at him, knowing if I did I would crawl right back into that van, never getting out again. Alice rushed to me and gave me an extra tight squeeze goodbye as Rose patted my shoulder.

"Bells, I know I'm not Edward, but if you need me tonight, I'll be here in a flash."

"Thank you." Alice let me go and Jazz came in for a quick hug as well.

"I'll watch out for him ok, girl?" He released me and got back into the driver's seat. I looked up at Em, I was pouting my lip then attempted a smile. He could tell I needed a special Emmett goodbye and he didn't disappoint me. He swooped down, pulled me into his arms, spun me around until I was dizzy, and then carried me all the way to my front door. I might not have made it there without him. I couldn't make myself take another step away from my Edward.

"You gonna be ok, Jelly Belly?"

"Yea." I did my best to hide the tears and muster up a big girl smile for him.

"Alright then. I expect a Poker rematch. It was all just beginners luck, you know."

"You got it." I was chewing on my lip and I had a feeling Edward was displaying his nervous habit as well. Em leaned down and gave me a very brotherly kiss on my temple.

"You know we've already got a plan going, so it'll get worked out soon. I've got a trick up my sleeve if Charlie doesn't listen to us." Emmett flashed his million dollar smile; Rose once said that smile could charm the panties off an 80 year old nun. I got an odd visual in my mind and had to chuckle at him, I think Rose was right. He responded by raising his eyebrows at me.

"Thank you Emmett."

"Anything for you Jelly Belly." He gave me another rib crushing hug then turned and walked to the van. I went inside, closing to door behind me. I had no desire to watch them all drive away. It wasn't just Edward leaving that upset me, though that part was the worst, it was all of them. They were my family. I had my parents. I love them and they loved me, but they both still thought I was slightly broken and were still little unsure around me. My friends didn't give a fuck if I was broken; they took me in and healed me. It hurt that I had to be torn away from them because of Charlie and his irrational hatred for Edward.

Jazz and Em had carried my bags all the way to my room, so I made myself busy unpacking and getting the laundry organized. I noticed that several black band shirts had found themselves in my suitcase. It made me smile to see them and gave me a renewed sense of strength. I could make it until I was in Edward's arms tomorrow night. I had to; I would bring my Happy Bella smile out of retirement for Charlie and hope that he would be so glad to have me back home that he wouldn't notice anything had changed.

After organizing my clothes and getting the laundry started I went to work cleaning the kitchen. There wasn't much to do; it was obvious Charlie hadn't ventured into the kitchen the whole time I was gone. The whole house turned out to be relatively clean, as if Charlie hadn't spent any time here at all. That made me feel like a shitty daughter. I had been ready to run off with Edward if he asked, never looking back, and Charlie had apparently missed me so much he spent most of his time away from the empty house.

I gave up trying to clean and plopped myself on the couch with a book. Reading was usually a fairly good distraction for me. I was kind of jumping the gun; I knew the heartache wouldn't get bad until I was alone in my bed. That was when I was going to need to keep my mind occupied. After several minutes of reading the same page over and over, I heard Charlie's car pull in the driveway.

"Bella?" He called as he walked in.

"Yea, in the living room." I took a deep breath and got up to greet him. He was excited to see me and acted like I had been gone a lot longer than four days. He pulled me in for a huge hug and kissed my cheek.

"I missed you Bells."

"Missed you too Dad."

"Wait…when I called you said you were still four hours away. How did you get home so fast?"

"Oh…I guess I was wrong. I was half asleep when you called." Please believe me, please believe me.

"Oh, well, I wanted to be home to help you unload your luggage. That had to be a sight watching Alice and Rose hauling your bags out of that huge van. I'm just glad you're home. I got used to you being here, this place is really empty without you." Just twist the knife a little more there Dad. "Ready for some movies?"

"Sure, just no  _Star Wars_ , ok?" He looked slightly disappointed but recovered quickly. The rest of the day and most of the night was spent watching movies and eating junk food, just like Charlie wanted. I did let myself relax a bit and tried my best to enjoy my time with him. I didn't start to get edgy until the light was gone outside. A feeling of loss creeped its way into my body. I started missing Edward so badly that I was feeling it all the way to my bones. I wasn't the only one experiencing this, just as I felt the tears starting to well, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Alice, which meant it was really a text from Edward.

_I just want to see you  
When you're all alone_

Before I could respond, there was another text coming in, then another and a fourth in rapid succession.

_I just want to catch you if I can  
I just want to be there_

_When the morning light explodes  
On your face it radiates_

_I can't escape  
I love you till the end_

They were song lyrics. He couldn't sing to me in person, or on the phone, so he did the best he could. A half chuckle half sob escaped my lips. Eight texts later I had the whole song. I could only respond with a simple thank you.

_Until tomorrow. You are my life. I love you._

"Who are you talking to?" Charlie's voice startled me.

"Oh…uh…Alice." I lied quickly.

"You just spent four days with her, haven't you talked enough?"

"Well…you know teenage girls. We just can't shut up." Charlie gave me an exasperated look and I decided I'd endured enough father-daughter bonding for one night. I gave Charlie a hug goodnight and started to go up the stairs.

"Bella…is that a new shirt?" I froze midstep. I was still wearing one of Edward's shirts. My chest tightened in panic and I turned around to face him.

"No, why?" I somehow managed to keep my voice level. Lying was becoming scarily easy.

"I don't think I've ever seen it before. It looks awfully big." He decided to pay attention to my wardrobe now?

"Oh, the sale racks never have my size, so I just get whatever is available." I held my breath, hoping that it sounded believable. His expression showed that he didn't quite believe me, but that he also didn't want to know the real answer.

"Ok. Goodnight."

"Night Dad." I raced up the stairs, not releasing my breath until I was in my room. I had a feeling Charlie would be checking up on me tonight, so I left the door open a crack. I went through my nightly routine, and got under the covers. The pillow that Edward usually used still faintly held his scent. I thought that wrapping myself around that pillow would help, but it only made it worse. It only reminded me that he wasn't here next to me, kissing me, touching me, singing in my ear. I was falling apart at the seams and it hadn't even been a whole day yet. How were we going to last a week apart when school started up again?

I tossed and turned all night, sleeping in intervals. At one time I reached out for Edward, confused on why I couldn't feel him against my back. When it hit me that he wasn't there, I curled into the fetal position and cried myself back to sleep. I woke up again with the birds and decided it was a lost cause to try to sleep. I got dressed for the day and went downstairs to cook Charlie breakfast. I was just finishing scrambling eggs when it started to hit me once again. I was trying to get my emotions under control; couldn't' have Charlie coming in seeing me sobbing over scrambled eggs. He'd never believe an eggshell caused a breakdown. I was thankful for the distraction when my phone alerted me that I was getting a text.

_I miss you. I need you._

He was up already, feeling the same empty lonely feeling I was.

 _I miss you. I need you. I love you._  I sent back.

"Isn't it a little early to be texting?" Charlie said from behind me. I closed my phone and shoved it in my pocket.

"Alice never sleeps. She just wanted to know if I had plans for today."

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope." I flashed him what I hoped was a goofy grin. This new Happy Bella 2.0 was getting old quick. I served our breakfast and we ate in silence. I could feel my phone going off in my pocket, but I knew I couldn't answer it in front of Charlie. "So, what are  _your_  plans for today, Dad?"

"Well, I do have to pull the night shift tonight. You think the teenagers in this town would have figured out by now that I'm going to catch them. Or at least they would have learned to keep their party plans a secret." I felt some weight lift, Edward had been right. I would be wrapped in his arms tonight. "Other than that, I don't' have anything planned for today. Going to try and get some rest." We finished our breakfast and Charlie went to lie down on the couch while I cleaned up.

I started planning the day in my head. Night shift for Charlie meant from about 8pm until 8am the next morning. I could fix him dinner and as soon as he walked out that door, text Edward to go ahead to get here. My thoughts were on Edward all day. It was horrible, nothing helped, nothing could distract me from wishing I was with Edward. Our loving messages to each other were the only thing that kept me sane. I tried cleaning, finishing my laundry, reading and reorganizing my room. All I could think about was Edward's lips pressed against mine, his fingertips caressing my body, his breath on my neck. I wanted to feel him on me, in me, and all around me. It wasn't just the sex, that was an added bonus, I just wanted  _him_ , his presence. His love; it made me whole.

I started to get angry at Charlie. If it wasn't for him, Edward and I could be cuddled up on the couch watching movies or shooting pool at his house, anything that a normal teenage couple would do on a lazy winter day. All the things Alice and Jazz or Em and Rose were probably doing at this very minute. Charlie was a reasonably intelligent person, how could he not see that Edward was innocent? How could he believe Jessica over Alice and Emmett? How could he believe the rantings of drunken bitchy drama queens over the town's most respected Doctor? I was crying again but these were tears of anger and frustration.

I took a deep breath, remembering Charlie, seeing me cry would only get him more curious than I wanted him to be right now. I started to channel Alice. It wouldn't help our case if I went charging into the living room sobbing, pleading and yelling. I needed to be sneaky, plan things out, gradually introduce the idea of Edward into my father's world.

I'd wanted my New Year's resolution to be 'get Charlie over his Edward hate', no better time to start than New Year's Eve. I got started on preparing a special dinner for Charlie. Chicken mushroom alfredo. I would butter him up and work Edward into the conversation.

I even went the extra step and ironed his uniform. I let him relax on the couch all day while I cooked furiously in the kitchen. I called him in for supper and he was shocked that I had gone to so much trouble.

"What's all this for Bells?"

"Oh, I just missed cooking for you while I was gone. You probably ate nothing but fast food and pizza." He laughed and agreed with me as he dove into the food on his plate. I let him eat for a few minutes before I decided to strike.

"Um, Dad, can I ask you a question?" I tried to act casual, not looking up at him, pushing my food around my plate.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Why do you hate Edward Cullen so mu…?" Before I even finished saying his name, Charlie's fork hit his plate with a loud clang.

"Why do you want to know about that scumbag?" He asked harshly.

"Well, he is Alice and Emmett's family, and I'm friends with them. It just doesn't seem fair that we have to exclude him and I don't even know why." Mentally, I was patting myself on the back for coming up with such a good excuse, and delivering it perfectly. Alice would be proud.

"Because he is a woman beater and a rapist." Charlie's matter of fact tone made me flinch a little. I'd only ever heard Edward and Alice's view on the events that led to Edward's arrests. Not that hearing Charlie's version would change my mind, I knew the truth and would never waver from Edward, but it stung to know that people actually thought the worst.

"Alice and Em said that it wasn't true, that it was just a misunderstanding. I thought all the charges were…"

"They need to stop filling your head full of crap." Charlie didn't even let me finish my sentence. This conversation was not going as planned. "You didn't see that poor Tanya girl crumpled at the bottom of those stairs. The bruises covering her body." Charlie's voice was rising. "The tubes hooked to her in the hospital. You didn't see Jessica Stanley crying in my office, completely terrified of him."

"Dad, Jessica is a slut and a manipulator. Everyone knows that. And from what I've heard, Tanya wasn't much better."

"I don't care what you hear. It doesn't matter how slutty a girl may be, she doesn't deserve to be beaten or pushed into things she doesn't want to do!" Charlie's hands slammed down flat on the table. I knew my face was getting red; I was starting to get angry that he would throw out such accusations against the person that holds my heart. I hoped he would just see it as my normal blushing.

"That's not fair! Do you really think someone related to Alice and Em could do something so horrible?"

"It doesn't matter who your family is, Bella! People from good families are capable of evil things. And people like Edward will always be able to buy their way out of trouble. I better not hear another word about Alice trying to convince you that her brother is innocent. You are damn lucky you are even allowed to hang out with her at all!" That last bit scared the hell out of me. I leaned on Alice when I couldn't be with Edward; plus, she really was my best friend, what the fuck would I do if I didn't have her anymore? What would I do if I didn't have Emmett? This plan was blowing up in my face.

"Ok Dad. I'm sorry I brought it up." I struggled to maintain my emotions. I was on the verge of a panic attack; there was no way Charlie was going to let me be with Edward. We were going to have to hide until we were done with high school and that was over a year from now. I couldn't lose it in front of Charlie, not during  _this_ conversation. I bit my lip and dropped my eyes.

"You aren't friends with him are you?" Friends? No, we're not friends. Friends doesn't even come close to accurately describing what we are.

"No. I just wondered why we could never involve him in anything. I think it upsets Alice." I shrugged my shoulders, trying desperately not to show what was truly going on in my head. Charlie pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat.

"Bella, I'm sorry I got upset. When you're a father and a cop, it makes things… difficult; especially when you have a daughter. Every time I see some poor girl bruised and bloody…" He rubbed his hands over his face and finished the sentence in a hushed tone. "…it reminds me of how easily it could happen to you. Edward is your age and I see how some of the girls in this town fawn over him. I don't want him to do the same things to you that he did to Tanya and Jessica."

"It's alright Dad." I gave him a weak smile. "Let's not talk about it anymore, ok?" We finished our dinner in strained silence; Charlie got dressed for work and left shortly after. I had my cell in hand before he was off the porch.

_Come now. I need you._

It was barely a minute before I received a response.

_Already in the car. I love you._

I went outside without a coat, not even noticing the freezing air, and sat on the top porch step. I was scared to death. Scared of what Charlie was going to do if he ever found out, scared of losing Edward, scared of losing my new found family, scared of losing the future I'd already started to dream about.

I watched as Alice pulled in and parked under the tree, a familiar routine. As Alice walked to the porch, under the guise of giving me something, Edward was climbing up the tree. She held Edward's backpack, if any neighbors were watching, it would just seem like she was dropping off something I forgot.

"What are you doing out in the cold Bells?" I wanted to tell her all about my ruined plan, but I needed Edward first. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow, Alice. I promise." She saw the look on my face and nodded.

"I understand." She set the backpack down next to me, and gave me a quick hug. "I love ya, you know that right?"

"Yes. Love ya too." Alice turned to leave and I rushed in the house, locking the dead bolt behind me. I ran up the stairs two at a time; Edward heard me and came running out of my room to meet me. We crashed into each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces; my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck. He was holding me, laying kisses on every inch of skin he could reach. Our lips finally met and the air crackled around us. We were whole again.


	29. Chapter 29

**BELLA**

We stumbled blindly, lips locked together, down the hall and into my bedroom. Edward kicked my door shut so hard my pictures rattled against the wall. Our kiss did not end; the feel of his mouth against mine was like the warmth of the sun on frozen lips. Edward misjudged the distance from the door to the bed and his shin hit the frame causing him to lurch forward. I tried to adjust myself but the mattress behind me trapped my legs. His forward motion forced me to sit hard. I bounced up just enough to meet him as he bent over to grab his injured shin which made our teeth knock.

"Ouch!" My hand instinctively went to my mouth. Edward collapsed on top of me, making it hard for me to breath, but I didn't fucking care. He was here. "Fuck that hurt." Edward lifted off me and rubbed his teeth and his shin. "Loving you is physically dangerous. That's gonna leave a fucking bruise for sure." His top lip was already starting to swell, but he smiled anyway. My favorite smile. It almost made the gnawing fear inside disappear. "I promised you I'd be here, I'm here." He gently brushed his nose against my forehead, right above my eyebrow. "I fucking love you Bella there's no way I could stay away from you… even if it costs me a couple teeth."

"I fucking love you too Edward." His eyebrow raised at my skillful use of his favorite profanity. I craned my neck and gave his swollen lip a soft kiss. I ran my fingers along his cheekbones, trailing down his jaw. I couldn't stop touching him, making sure he was really there. I kept my hands moving, grazing his neck, finally stopping on his chest. I could feel his heart beating in time with mine.

A lump started to rise in my throat. Something as innocent as touching his face had to be hidden. Every moment we spent together had to be covered with a lie. Edward felt my shift in mood and concern covered his face.

"What happened?"

"I...I talked to Charlie… about you."

"What!" He jumped off the bed. I flinched at how fast he moved; having him pull away like that was almost painful. My body felt cold without his skin next to mine. "Fuck." He fisted both his hands in his hair and started pacing. "Fuck, fuck fuck!"

"Edward, please." He froze at the sound of my pleading. "Don't get mad, but I had to do something! I could barely make it a day without you!" My voice broke at the end and he returned to my side, drawing me into his arms.

"I'm sorry." He murmured in my ear. "It's just…the thought of Charlie knowing about us…it scares the fuck out of me."

"I know...I didn't tell him about  _us_. I just asked about you …I thought it might do some good if I knew  _why_ …. I didn't realize…" I trailed off, afraid to repeat the things Charlie said.

"Just how much he fucking hates me? I've heard it all before, love. He's called me a fucking rapist and a woman beater to my face."

"He's not going to let us be together, is he?" My voice sounded foreign to me, defeated. I was feeling the tightening in my chest again, the panic of not being with Edward creeping to the surface again. I twisted out of his grasp to look him in the face. "We're going to have to keep lying, keep sneaking around until we graduate. THAT'S OVER A YEAR AWAY! I can't keep worrying about slipping up with every word I say and everything I do. I hate being in constant fear of losing you!" My voice was getting higher, strained.

"Bella." Edward's voice was full of concern. He reached around me, moving his hand to the back of my neck, and started slowly massaging away the tension. "I  _will not_ let anything or anyone fucking take you away from me. I'll think of something. I am related to Alice, remember?" He leaned forward until our foreheads were touching. He was still working on the knots in my neck. Him and his fucking magic fingers, I was relaxed in minutes…to an extent. Until we figured out how to get Charlie to accept Edward there would always be the fear that this was all going to end lurking in the back of my mind.

"Better?" I'm always better with Edward around.

"Yes." He lifted my hair and kissed all the spots his fingers had just touched. My breathing pick up as his hand skimmed down my back and under my shirt, tracing small circles up and down my spine. He tugged at my hair, pulling me closer. I moaned when he reached the spot behind my earlobe, something I was quite sure he did on purpose. I turned and pulled him down on top of me, something I did quite on purpose.

Once he was inside me, we were desperately clinging to each other, crying out each other's names. I briefly forgot about our troubles. At that moment, the only thing in the world was him. We stayed up all night, again, afraid to sleep; afraid to take our eyes off the other, afraid to stop touching, afraid that fricking alarm on his watch wouldn't go off. The time finally came when Charlie would be home soon and we had to say goodbye. This time for more than just a day. This was the last day of our winter break and school was starting back up.

The only consolation was we were able to see each other at school. However, knowing that didn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks when I heard the rumble of Emmett's Jeep outside. We would only get to  _see_  each other; not touch, not kiss, not show our love.

"I'll sing you to sleep tonight, love." The doorbell rang; his signal to crawl out the window. Alice was waiting for me downstairs. One last shaky kiss and he was gone. I tried not to completely fall apart as I walked down the stairs to let Alice in. She gave me a tight hug as Em's Jeep roared down the street.

"So what was wrong last night?" Alice asked as I dragged her up to my room. Charlie was due home any minute and I didn't want him hearing me replay the conversation. I told Alice everything he said, she got a little offended at Charlie's accusation that she was filling my head with crap, but shrugged it off.

"I'm used to it. It's all died down now, but it used to be that none of us could go into town without someone saying something nasty about Edward." She shook her head. "You'd think people would realize….it doesn't matter what they say. We know he's innocent."

"But Charlie doesn't, and he isn't going to let me be with Edward. You should have seen how angry he got. He's never yelled at me like that before."

"Bells, I promise you, we will figure it out. Carlisle and Esme are willing to talk to Charlie for you."

"Well, let's give him a few days to calm down. Give him time to forget I was asking about Edward." As if he knew we were talking about him, Charlie picked that moment to come home.

"Bella?" He called from the bottom of the stairs.

"In my room." His footsteps were heavy coming up the steps. It must have been a busy New Years Eve, not like I noticed anything that happened outside the comfort of Edward's arms. I didn't even watch the ball drop, breaking a tradition that I had since I was about six.

"Bells, you're up early." His eyes narrowed at the sight of Alice. "Hello Alice. I didn't see your car outside." He didn't seem particularly happy to see her, which was a shock. He always loved Alice. The conversation from dinner was still fresh on his mind. That did not help the uneasy feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. Apparently Charlie was not going to forget.

"Hello…Ch...Chief Swan." She was on the verge of calling him Charlie, as she usually did, but his change in body language and tone stopped her. "Emmett dropped me off."

"Will you be staying long today, Alice?"

"Um...that depends on Bella I guess." Alice said with a shrug. She was thrown, not many people disliked her. I wasn't going to let Charlie keep someone else out of my life.

"She's probably going to be here all day Dad, but you'll be sleeping right?" I asked sharply.

"Yea…right." He shot me a surprisingly dirty look, and left my room. I didn't care; I wasn't going to let him chase Alice away. Let him brood and pout, the Cullens and the Hales were almost as important to me as Edward. Alice tried to keep me busy with movies and clothes and homework, but my thoughts always went back to Edward. My head started to drop after awhile. I had not had a full night's sleep since the night we all drank. I'd been running on five hours of sleep for the past three nights.

"You need sleep Bells."

"I'm fine." I protested.

"No, you have circles under your eyes and you can barely keep your head up." I got up to make myself some coffee, but Alice pushed me back down. She pulled out her cell hitting her speed dial. "Bella needs a nap….ok." She handed me the phone and grinned.

"Hey love." Edward's voice sounded just as tired and ragged as I felt, but happy.

"Edward…" I sank down into my pillow with a contented sigh. I knew where this was leading and I got as comfortable as possible. I was like a little girl waiting for her bed time story.

"Are you settled?"

"Yes. I'm ready." I closed my eyes and lost myself in his singing. I recognized the lyrics as the ones he had sent me, but I only made it to the chorus. I was out, dreaming that we were together without fear and stress and lies. When I woke up, Alice was curled in my rocking chair reading a book. The sun was already starting to set.

"How long was I asleep?" I rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair. I was groggy and dying of thirst.

"A few hours. Edward said he'll call back tonight."

"You stayed here this whole time?"

"Of course. By the way I folded your laundry, reorganized your closet, and finished our English homework.

"Did Charlie bug you?"

"Nope. Charlie's not made an appearance all day." I nodded and after a few more minutes of trying to get my brain to function, we went to the kitchen to eat leftovers. We watched TV until Em came to pick her up. Charlie emerged from his room as I was doing dishes, but I was in no mood to talk to him. I was still upset that he was so rude to Alice. He's known all along who her brother was, and he never seemed to have a problem with it before.

We barely said three words to each other before I got fed up with the uncomfortable air between us and went to my room. Alice wasn't kidding when she said she reorganized. My closet was now color coordinated. Even though ninety percent of my clothes were black, the ones from Alice and Rose were grouped together, and all my blue items were the first thing you saw when you opened the door. That girl was always thinking, blue was Edward's favorite color on me.

I waited quite impatiently for Edward's call, fluffing my pillow a thousand times. When he finally did call, right on time, nothing else existed in the world but him. There was no Charlie, no Jessica, and no school, just him. I wanted to fight sleep, stay awake all night just to hear him, but I could hear in his voice that he was struggling to stay awake. He didn't get a song induced nap. 'I love you' were the last words I heard.

School was unbearable. To know that he was there, yet I couldn't see him was excruciating. All of our morning classes were on opposite sides of the school. When I finally saw him sitting with Jazz at the lunch table, it was like I had finally released a breath I'd been holding all morning. He felt me walk into the cafeteria, his body subconsciously moving towards mine without even seeing me. Jazz had to stop him from running to me; Jessica was watching our table like a hawk.

Rose figured that Jessica knew something was going on between Edward and me, but she didn't know the details. Rose warned us both to watch our asses. Even though Jess's creditably was shot with everyone else because of the fake rape charges, Charlie would believe anything bad about Edward. She was biding her time, just waiting for us to slip up so she could bust us. In her screwy mind, if Edward was heartbroken again, he could be her puppet…..again.

God I hate that fucking bitch. Edward would never be anyone's puppet again, with our without me.

Even being across the table from each other was too far. Our feet were intertwined under the table. We moved together, our movements almost a mirror image of the other. I was completely oblivious to the conversations around me. I thought, maybe, I heard a faint 'Jelly Belly, off in the distance, but I chose to ignore it. We lost ourselves in a world melting moment, similar to when we first started having feelings for one another.

We had to be reminded that the bell rang, yanked out of our seats and pushed down the hall. I could have kissed Mr. Banner's feet when I saw the TV in the front of the class. Movie time meant no one would be paying attention and the room would be dark. Edward and I hurried to our seats, more eager for class to start than necessary.

As soon as the lights were dimmed, our hands found each other. My eyes almost rolled into my head at the sheer joy of merely being able to feel his skin against mine. He traced the outline of a heart on my palm, and I returned the gesture. Biology passed too quickly and before we were ready, we had to go our separate ways.

"I love you." Edward whispered as he walked past me. It took every ounce of strength and will power I had not to grab him and drag him away.

As the week passed, the time between our glimpses of each other seemed to grow longer and longer. Even though Alice and Jazz sat between us, we scooted our chairs closer each day; I was practically sitting on Alice's lap. Every night Edward called just a little bit earlier and the call lasted a little later. I couldn't decide which was worse; hearing his voice but not seeing him, or seeing him but not being free to touch him.

The stress was messing with my head and I began to wonder if our connection and want would be as strong if we were able to see each other every day, anytime we wanted.

"Of course it would be! Why would you even doubt that?" Alice said after I voiced my fear.

"I don't know Alice! Is it normal to feel like you can't breathe without a certain person next to you? I can't fucking take this!" I cried. Alice took my hands in hers.

"Bella, you and Edward are just meant to be. I know it's difficult now, but it won't always be like this." She said soothingly. "You two love each other, and that's clear to anyone that gets to see you just be yourselves." All I could do was sigh. I knew in my heart that Edward was my other half. But I didn't know how long I'd be able to walk around with my heart incomplete before I lost my head.

When Edward crawled into my room that weekend, I realized my doubt was…just plain stupid. The tingles I felt when we touched were always there, and they always would be. We promised each other that we would focus on the time we had, and not worry about when we were apart. It was surprisingly easy to do when his kisses made my brain numb.

Charlie had calmed down a bit by then, and made fishing plans with his friends out in La Push. We had my house to ourselves for most of the weekend, and we took full advantage of it. When Edward came up behind me and slid his hand inside the front of my pants while I was making brownies I couldn't keep the smile from spreading all the way across my face. I felt like I was defiling the kitchen but when my knees started to give out, I forgot all about my virgin kitchen. The brownies, however, did not make it and I had to start over.

As we lay in my bed that night, I couldn't wipe the peaceful grin off my face if you forced me. I was snuggled into my favorite spot, in Edward's arms, my head on his shoulder. I fit so well in this spot; it was like the curves of our bodies were made solely to accommodate the others.

"Bella?" Edward said softly as we toyed with each other's fingers.

"Hmm?"

"What do you plan on doing after we graduate?"

"Being with you." I glanced at up him and he laughed.

"That's a given." His lips barely grazed my hair line and he tried again. "I'm serious though. We haven't really talked about it…did you have plans before…you know…" He gave a half hearted shrug. He didn't like mentioning Jacob, even now.

"Oh…well…not really." I honestly hadn't given it much thought. The possibility of a future worth living had only entered my mind since Edward came along. When I had been with Jake, college seemed too far off to worry about. "I've always wanted to go to culinary school. But…it's…expensive. What about you?"

"Some place with a good music program, anywhere away from fucking Forks and all its small town bullshit. I was thinking possibly Chicago."

"Oh."

"There are some very good culinary schools in Chicago, love."

"Where ever you want to go Edward." I shrugged. He let out a frustrated sigh, and tilted my face to his.

"This is your future too, Bella. You can't just agree to go anywhere I want because you think it will make me fucking happy. I want us to decide together."

"Ok. Just…give me some time. You are kind of springing this on me." I chided, but it gave me something to wish for, to think about a future where no one would tell us we couldn't be together. "I'll think about it. I pinky swear." I locked my pinky with his.

"Good." He kissed my pinky and an evil grin formed on his face. "Want to make brownies again?" I giggled and playfully fought off his phony advances until my eyelids starting getting heavy.

We tried everything we could to keep our minds off the fact that our time was limited, but it never worked. Sundays were always rough days for us. Our last hours were always quiet, full of nervous twitches. I couldn't bring myself to watch him crawl out the window. I stood firm in my spot, eyes closed remembering his whispered I love you, and the feel of this fingertips against my cheek.

There was no better way to describe my time without him, other than I was simply miserable. I put on a good show for Charlie, and my mom when she called, but when I was alone I was a mess. I dreamt about our future, away at some distant college. I even dreamt about a wedding, complete with Alice fussing over every minor detail, and Edward looking smokin' hot in a tux, waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I woke up from my dreams unsure whether to laugh or cry. Both futures consisted of me having Edward, but losing Charlie. There was no way he was going to willingly be a part of either one of them.

By Thursday the amount of energy required to keep my hands off Edward at lunch was draining me. I felt like I was in the middle of the desert but had to stay away from my only source of water. It was driving me nuts trying to think of ways to sneak a small brush, a graze, an accidental bumping into; anything that would allow me to touch him.

It was fry day, the whole table was sharing an order and we both reached for fries at the same time. Our fingers brushed against each other and every time my heart skipped a beat. He was caressing my fingers in a very seductive way but we always had to pull apart so other people didn't see us sitting there with our hands in the fries but never taking a bite. Everyone else stopped eating once they noticed us using it as a disguise. Lunch was over and our fry basket was empty, we no longer had any reason to reach our hands across the table. I never thought I'd want to cry over something as dumb as someone eating the last fry but I did. Emmett snuck his hand in there and snagged it up; of course the five minute bell had already rung so we had to go anyway, but there was something special about that fry. It had given me a few minutes of physical contact with my Edward, a little sip from my canteen in the desert, but I needed more; a gulp.

I quickly scribbled a note on a piece of notebook paper, handed it to Edward and jumped out of my seat and scrambled out the door. I could just picture everyone at the table looking at each other with quizzical looks on their faces. It made me giggle to picture that scene, or maybe it was the anticipation of my note doing its job.

I practically ran out of the cafeteria doors. I gave some feeble nods and weak smiles maybe even a quick wave to various people I met along my way but never stopped to talk to anyone. I only had a few minutes before biology started and I wanted to have as much "note" time as possible. I rounded the corner at the back of the gym. I was nearly giddy by now. This area of the school was always deserted. There was nothing back there; it was even further out of the way than Alice's confession picnic table. I only had to wait about ten seconds then I felt him behind me. I felt him long before he was close enough to touch me. Electricity.

I turned to face him. "Uh, excuse me ma'am. I was given this note by an extremely hot fucking brunette. It says 'behind the gym, I need more.' Do you know anything about this?"

"Well, no sir. I'm afraid I don't. You see I'm not allowed to talk to strangers." I walked closer to him and started to walk in circles around him, trailing my finger across his chest around to his back.

"Oh. That's unfortunate…because I was planning on giving  _that_  person a serious fucking grinding. I mean I had it all planned out. I was going to pin her up against the wall, like this." Edward grabbed me and gently but firmly backed me up against the brick gym wall. "And I was going to push my body against hers like this." Edward pushed his hips into mine and I couldn't hold in the low growl that begged him for more. "And I really fucking wanted to do this….." Edward pressed his lips firmly to mine just barely teasing my lips with the tip of his tongue.

We were so wrapped up with each other that we hardly heard the final bell. We would be late for class but it was totally worth it. We peeked around the corner to make sure no one was lurking around to see us then made our way back to the cafeteria. I went through the first set of doors and Edward kept going to go in another set. We had to revert back to our distant separate existence. I hated it.

I watched Edward meet up with Emmett at the far end of the cafeteria. I longed to be there with them. Alice said it wouldn't be this way forever, but one more minute seemed too long. I held back my tears and made my way to my locker.

Mr. Banner raised his eyebrow at me as I meekly made my way into class. I was never late, not to this class, it was the only one I had with Edward. "Umm…I forgot my book and had to go back for it, sorry." Mr. Banner nodded his head in the direction of my seat and I felt my face start to change color.

Edward's seat was empty. I guess it was good we didn't come in together but it still made me ache to see him not there. I hoped it wouldn't take him too long. As if on cue I felt him enter the room, his sexy sensual smell getting carried to me by the room fan. I tried not to take an obvious deep pull of air into my lungs but it was hard to hold back from doing it. I thought I heard some other girls around the room take a deep breath too. I looked behind me and was a little more than a bit irritated to see several eyes closed and noses tilted up. The class snickered but I was too involved in seeing who was hijacking Edwards smell, MY smell, to care why.

Edward took his seat next to me, taking the opportunity to brush up against my back as he squeezed behind me. Biology was a blur really. I could tell you every move Edward made but not a single thing Mr. Banner said. I made a mental note to go back over the chapter once I was at home. If I wasn't careful I'd bomb our exam then Charlie would be crawling up my ass about school. Better read it twice.

The rest of the school day dragged as usual but at least I had my lunch memory to hold me over. On the way home from school Edward called Alice's phone and she handed it to me. "He wants to talk to you I'm sure." She handed me the phone and I wondered how she knew that. I answered the call and half expected him to ask where Alice was.

"Hey love, I miss you already."

"Hi, Edward. I miss you too."

"Thanks for the lunch date." I could hear it in his voice that he was thinking about doing it again too.

"No problem, can you pencil me in tomorrow too?" I'm sure he could hear the smile in my voice just thinking about meeting up again.

"Love, I'll write you in with permanent fucking marker." He was trying to joke, but the anxious edge was starting to appear.

"That works for me."

"I know you're almost home but I was just wondering who were you giving that wicked look to in Biology today?"

Oh shit, he caught me being jealous of other people enjoying his smell. Damn, I couldn't tell him that. I'd look like a complete ass. "Oh, um, somebody threw a paper wad past me." Getting a bit too good at thinking up lies on the fly.

"Huh, I didn't see that. Probably a good thing. If they would have hit you I would have had to fucking beat someone's ass. That might make some people suspicious."

I laughed, sort of. "Yeah, it was no big thing. It didn't hit me."

"Ok love, I just wanted to make sure everything was ok. I love you. Can't wait to be with you. I'll call you tonight, regular time, ok?"

"Ok. I love you too." I hung up the phone and handed it to Alice. She was looking at me very suspiciously.

"What?" How the hell did  _she_  know? Her class is across campus at that time.

"There was no paper wad." Her look told me I really  _was_  full of shit if I thought I'd fooled her one bit.

"Ok…no, no paper wad." I explained my momentary jealous rage at sharing Edward's smell. She laughed a little but apologized when my face turned the same shade as the red sweater she was wearing.

"It's ok Bells, it's cute. "

Alice stayed with me until six when Charlie got home. I made spaghetti for dinner and served up a plate for my dad but didn't join him. I told him Alice and I already ate and I was going to go study. He nodded but never looked up from his plate. I had every intention of rereading that stupid Biology chapter but every time I started to read I started to think about going off with Edward to Chicago; which would lead to getting married, which would lead to having a wedding without a father to give me away. I hated having to lose my father's love to have Edwards. Edward was worth any price but it made me so angry at Charlie that he would force me to pay this one. By the third page of the chapter I had no clue what I'd read and tears were dripping down on the page, so I put it away.

I went and took a shower, trying to get myself together before Edward called. He would notice in a heartbeat if I'd been crying. Then I'd sound all psycho when I told him I was crying over my father not being there at our wedding in six or seven years. I dried off and put on one of Edwards big band shirts he'd left for me after our trip. It's weird but it always made me feel closer to him when I wore his clothes, almost like he was here with me.

Charlie knocked on the door and I picked up my Bio book and opened it, I turned the tear speckled page and told him to come in. "Hey, Bells. I just wanted to let you know I'm going to have to be away over night on Saturday. The police chief over in Ozette had a heart attack so they have a deputy stepping up temporarily. I've got to go show him the ropes, probably take most of the weekend. Do you think Rose's mother would let you stay over?"

"Why can't I just stay here?"

"I don't want you here alone when I'm so far away." He was confusing me, he never minded me being alone before.

"I'll just have Alice and Rose come over. I won't be alone."

"Bells, I'd rather you just go stay with Rose."

It didn't escape me that he said Rose and not Alice. Not that I'm opposed to staying with Rose, I love her too, it just seemed very intentional that he left Alice out. "Yeah, I guess, Dad. I'll talk to Rose tomorrow."

"Alright, night." He didn't really wait for a response; he just shut the door and walked away. I felt a sharp pain inside. Charlie and I had just started to get really close, like a real father and daughter and now this was pulling us apart again. I didn't have to wait much longer for Edward's call. I felt my spirits brighten after the first ring; it never made it to a second.

"Hi, Edward, I love you." I was desperate to get it out.

"I love you too. Are you ok?" Damnit, I knew he'd know.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Charlie's going away overnight on Saturday." Change the subject.

"Oh, really?" I could hear the mischievousness in his voice. I liked it. "So we get to have the house to ourselves again?"

"Actually…he wants me to stay at Rose's."

"Oh...well that's even better. Friday I'll come to your house, and then Saturday you can come to mine."

"Sounds perfect."

"I miss you so fucking much, love."

"I miss you too." I fought back tears yet again. I hated missing him like this. I hated that fact that I  _had_  to miss him like this. I decided to move onto happier things. "So what are we going to do this weekend?"

"I could think a few things." By the end of our conversation I was so wet I could have slid off my bed like a slip-and-slide. Edward was teasing me, conjuring up images of what he would do to me once we were alone. I couldn't wait. I wanted to feel him so badly. I'd have to really watch myself tomorrow, didn't want to ruin everything by throwing him down in the middle of the hall and jumping his bones. As usual, he sang me to sleep, his voice echoing all night long in my dreams.

Friday crept by in anticipation of the weekend's activities. I don't think you could have beat the smile off my face. Jessica kept throwing me evil looks all through English. I just rebutted them with my glowing smile. Alice said she probably couldn't stand that someone was happy; she is like a misery-vampire. She lives off sucking the joy out of other people's lives, so when it doesn't work she isn't happy. Well, the bitch can forget about feeding off of me, if tomorrow turned out anything like Edward described I'd have a perma-grin for sure.

We had our after lunch meeting again, only this time we came dangerously close to having sex against the wall. If I had been wearing a skirt, we would have. We didn't even bother with class; Alice could form an excuse for us later. We couldn't bring ourselves to separate. Neither one of us had the strength.

The final bell rang before Alice came to get me. Edward and I missed three whole classes, but it only felt like five minutes. I wanted to reorganize myself before I went home so we went our separate ways and I headed into the bathroom. I went in and did my business. I washed my hands and looked up into the mirror just in time to see Jessica Stanley standing behind me.

"Jessica." I meant it as a hello and a goodbye. No need to waste words on her.

"Oh, hi Bella. It's been so long since we talked. You haven't been avoiding me have you?" The last part was dripping with sarcasm.

"Of course not, Jessica. See ya later." Drip right back. Jessica stepped in front of me blocking my way to the door.

"Wait, Bella. There is something I feel I should warn you about. I've seen how you look at Edward Cullen. Actually, quite a few people have noticed." I felt the blush creep up my neck. Were we really that noticeable or was it just Jess being a bitch?

"I don't know what you are talking about Jessica." She rolled eyes at my feeble attempt to deny everything and kept right on talking.

"He's no good for you. I should know, we went out for a while just last year. He was great for me but not so much for you, I think. You're a little too innocent. Just imagine what your father would say." Jessica started walking toward me and I backed up instinctively, not wanting to be too close to her skank ass.

"Oh, the things Edward and I used to do. I think he could write a book called 'How many different ways can I fuck Jessica Stanley'. It would be a thick one too, no pun intended." She kept advancing forward slowly and I kept a good distance between us. "I swear he begged for a blow job…like three times a day. He still does actually, but I wanted to have this little chat before I let him come crawling back. Make sure you understood that he was mine."

I kept my mouth shut. She was egging me on; we both knew she was lying through her crooked teeth, but she was just trying to get the reaction she wanted. There was no way this bitch was going to make me ruin everything because she likes to run her mouth.

"Hey, maybe we could call you in on a threesome." My back hit the bathroom wall, nowhere else to go. Jessica kept coming, closing in on me. "Lauren didn't mind. Edward had her and I both screaming in no time at all, using the best two things about him; his dick….and his fingers." She paused for a minute, tapping her chin with her claw of a finger. "You know, I'm not sure if Edward even remembers that night. That was the first night I tricked him into trying X. Powerful drug…makes it hard to know just who you happen to be fucking…and even harder to care who it is."

That fucking did it. I could feel hot angry tears trying to break free. She couldn't seriously be implying that Edward slept with Lauren…without his full knowledge…could she? "Jessica…" I was looking down trying to keep control of myself. That fucking dick and magic fingers were mine!

"Yes?" She had a big fucking cocky grin on her face. I'm sure she was confident that she had scared the hell out of me and I would go running as fast as I could away from Edward.

"You are…. a fucking bitch." Before she could say another word, I balled up my fist and punched her straight in her cunty face. I had never hit anyone before, not like that. I braced myself for retaliation and remembered every self defense tip Charlie had given, and all the moves I'd seen Edward and the boys do when they play fought but I didn't need any of them. Her eyes rolled back in her head and her body crumpled like a rag doll. I was standing there, rubbing my hand and looking down at her when the bathroom door flung open.

"Holy shit, what the fuck?" Rose came rushing in, out of breath. "Angela came and told me you were in here with Jessica and when you took forever coming out to the cars I thought you might need some help. Obviously not." A big proud-mama grin came across Rosalie's face. "Wow, you did that?" She reached over Jessica and grabbed my arm, guiding me to step over her.

"Yeah, I guess I did." Not fully believing it myself.

"Impressive. Wait till Emmett hears, he'll wanna throw a party in your honor." Rosalie put her arm around my shoulder as we left the bathroom; Jessica still sprawled across the floor. I couldn't help but chuckle, Rose's idea of friendly affection, except for with Emmett, was a pat on the shoulder or knee, so an arm across the shoulder was practically making out.

We made our way out to the parking lot where everyone was waiting. Edward looked a bit concerned and pushed himself off the car to meet me. We stayed a distance apart but I think everyone could feel the pull between us; like magnets attracting each other.

"What the hell was that about, Rose?" Edward asked in hush tones. "Angela comes up to you and you go taking off like your damn lockers on fire. Bella's not here, what the hell am I supposed to think? I almost went screaming Bella's name down the halls thinking she was hurt or something. Damn woman."

Edward was so cute when he was being an overprotective paranoid boyfriend. It was really hard not to kiss him at that point. I flashed him a smile and after he checked me over, he returned it with my favorite crooked grin. I guess by the shaking of his head that he knew he was being an overprotective paranoid boyfriend too.

"Maybe you should have been checking on Jessica?" The look on Edward's face was priceless. He looked like Rose just asked him to lick the bottom of the janitor's shoes.

"Why the fuck would I check on  _that_?" He didn't even call her a her, she wasn't even a person to him. What was that bitch thinking? Everyone knew Edward couldn't stand her.

"Oh, maybe because Bella just knocked her the fuck out." Silence.

"What?" Edward, Alice, Emmett and Jasper all chimed in at once.

Rose looked so proud as she bowed out gesturing to to me so I'd take the show. My face started burning but I knew there was no way I was going to get out of telling them what happened….at least some version of it.

"Oh, well, she was just talking trash in the bathroom and had me pushed up against the wall so I…pushed back." I couldn't help but smile. Alice and Jasper had mirrored looks; eyes wide and mouths hanging open. Emmett was looking at me like I'd just discovered the cure to male-pattern baldness and Edward looked pissed. Why would Edward be pissed that I hit Jessica? Did he still have feelings for her deep down? I started to regret what I had done and feel very insecure.

"She had you pushed against a wall?" Edward was talking through his teeth. He was not a happy man but I couldn't help but feel relieved that he was pissed at her and not me.

"Yeah, but it was nothing really. Are you guys ready to go?" They all kinda snapped out of their trances and everyone except Emmett started to move toward the cars. As soon as the others were out of the way Emmett scooped me up and threw me up on his shoulders. So much for keeping a low profile. Emmett was jogging through the parking lot with me on his shoulders singing the Rocky training song. Of course nobody else understood why he was doing it but they all just tolerated it because it was Emmett. He was always doing crazy stuff.

"Alright Emmett…ALRIGHT!" He finally took heed of my pleas and took me over to the car. The grin on his face was still there.

"Jelly Belly. I love you. If I could be a girl, I'd be you….of course that would mean I would have to be a lesbian cuz I'm not giving up my Rosalie." Emmett's voice went deep and sexy as he reached over and pulled Rose into him, burying his face in her neck and pretending to gobble her up. "You ok with that Jelly Belly?"

"Um, sure, Em, if you ever become me you can be a lesbian."

"You rock, JB"

Emmett, Jasper and Edward got into Emmett's Jeep after their goodbye kisses, or lack thereof in Edward's case. Rose, Alice and I got into Rose's car and headed off to my house. They didn't stay long. It was Friday and the other couples were doing their usual dinner and a movie routine. Edward would make his way to my house later anyway so I didn't mind being alone.

I was attempting to read my textbook again when I heard him push the window up. We enjoyed each other all through the night and only once did Edward make mention of the day's earlier events.

"So how did it feel to put Jessica in her place?" I wasn't sure how to answer at first, until I saw the big cheesy grin on his face.

"Pretty damn good." I could feel my cheeks blush a little.

"Hmmm, wish I could have seen that."

"Me too…now don't forget your alarm, my dad is taking me to Rose's house in the morning. I wouldn't want you falling asleep after you get home and forgetting to come get me."

"Not a chance, love."

**EDWARD**

The time since Friday Harbor slowed to a snail's pace. Why does the time I spend with Bella fly by and the time away from her creep….it truly does suck ass. I hated every second of being next to her but not being able to touch her. I hated every second of feeling like my heart was sitting across the table from me. I hated every fucking second of seeing her want me close to her but having to deny her. I fucking hated hiding.

I started wondering what life would be like after all this shit was past us. High school was only a small part of our whole lives and I couldn't imagine life without her. My plan had always been to get into a really good school with a fucking excellent music program. I was thinking maybe Chicago, somewhere far away from fucking Forks and the narrow minded assholes that live there.

I wondered if Bella would go with me. I wondered if I could go if she didn't. I might not be able to leave her. I decided I needed to investigate what her plans were. She didn't disappoint me. She said she wanted to go wherever I wanted to go. I wanted more than that though. I wanted to know what she really wanted in her future, our future. She agreed to think about it and I let it go, for now. I was more than a little anxious to get our lives going….outside of Forks, out of the jurisdiction of assaholic father. And far, far away from fucking Jessica Stanley.

That bitch has been on the prowl again. Every time I see her she is making suggestive gestures or trying to slip me notes about meeting. I know exactly what sick and twisted things she has on her mind during those "meetings". Fuck that. I wouldn't be caught alone with that chick if someone threatened my life over it.

I never mentioned any of that to Bella, or anyone else. There was no reason to get her upset or make her worry if I'd go for it. Jessica was a non-issue. No matter how fucking hard she tried I belonged to Bella, and that is what worried me. Jessica is not a graceful loser.

I couldn't wait for lunch. I missed my girl so much I almost doodled her name in one of my morning classes. I had 'Bel' sketched out in awesome lettering when I noticed the douche bag next to me looking over at what I was writing. He looked at me sorta cock-eyed like he couldn't believe the notorious Edward Cullen was writing down some fucking girl's name. I hurried up and finished the word 'Belview' and promptly told that fucker that it was a cool new band in Seattle. Then I reminded him to mind his own fucking business.

Lunch took forever to arrive and I was not so polite to the assmunchers standing in my way of getting there. I could never understand the fascination with standing in a mob at somebody's fucking locker plugging the whole fucking hallway when you could just go sit in the fucking cafeteria and be the hell out of my way.

Finally, my Bella was sitting across from me and I could see her and smell her, if only I could touch her. I met her eyes as she was reaching for a fry and reached in at the same time. Instead of a fry I grabbed hold of her finger and gently rubbed up and down the length of it. It wasn't what I wanted to do but at least it was some contact. I swear it was the world's smallest fucking fry basket, it ended way too soon. I was really confused and a little worried when Bella grabbed her notebook, scribbled something down, tossed it over to me and just about ran out of the fucking cafeteria. I read the note and nearly overturned the fucking table when it finally hit me what the note was saying. Pretty damn self-explanatory; 'behind the gym, I need more' I was pretty sure she wasn't talking about the fucking fries. "Em, come get me behind the gym if it gets too late" I didn't even wait to see if he agreed. I was out the fucking door and heading toward the gym.

She had her back to me when I found her. I decided to be all slick about it, play up our little façade. She played along too and it was so fucking hot I wanted to rip her clothes off right there. The final bell rang and I really wanted to jump up and knock that fucker right off the wall. I settled for a 'fuck you, you rotten bastard' look as Bella and I pulled ourselves apart. I looked around the corner to make sure no one would see us sneaking back in to the cafeteria. I had to tell myself to keep walking when Bella took the first set of doors. My first step away from her was like ripping myself apart again. I made a beeline for the far set of door and spotted Emmett coming my way as I stepped inside.

"What the hell was that all about?" Emmett was looking back over his shoulder.

"I just met up with Bella for a sec." He truly was a dumbass sometimes, like I said, the note was pretty self-explanatory. I threw it at him as I made my hasty exit from our lunch table.

"No, not that dipshit. Jessica just walked past me with an all too smug grin on her fucking pie-hole and she was humming a fucking tune. She did a little twirl in front of me and took my picture with her fucking cell phone. I think the bitch has finally succumbed to syphilis or something. Lost her damn mind."

"Who knows? She's a fucking crack head. She probably just gave Mike a blow job in the janitor closet and was feeling frisky."

"Ugh, I think that fry's gonna make another appearance." Emmett looked like he was gagging and holding his stomach.

I didn't want to miss any time with Bella so I went straight to class. Mr. Banner gave me the stink eye when I walked into class a few minutes late. "Forget  _your_  book too Mr. Cullen?" I looked at our lab table and saw Bella just getting herself settled in her seat. For some reason she was looking behind her giving someone a wicked look. I'd have to remember to ask her what that was all about later.

"Ah, no, Mr. Banner just got distracted." The class snickered and Mr. Banner rolled his eyes. He knew a few minutes really didn't matter to me. I could probably miss this whole damn class and still pass the exam. I took my place next to Bella and couldn't help but smile. Maybe our little lunch escape could turn into a daily thing.

I was excited about Charlie being out of town all weekend but a little concerned about why he bypassed Alice and went right to Rose. I hope Charlie isn't getting too suspicious. That would just make things even more fucking nerve racking and complicated.

Friday's behind the gym meeting was even better than Thursday's. We groped and rubbed each other until I thought I was going to cum in my jeans. Fuck I wanted her, sex with Bella was better than all other previous sexual experiences combined. I fucking needed it bad; when I was inside her, it was the only time we didn't worry about being taken from each other. It was the only time when I felt like she was 100% mine.

Alice had to physically separate us. We couldn't bring ourselves to turn away from the other. I let Alice drag me to the cars, where the others were waiting. I refused to leave until Bella came back out of the building. I wanted to see her one more fucking time, to carry myself until I snuck into her room.

Out of nowhere, Angela came running out of the school, grabbing Rose and pulling her away. I k _new_  it was about Bella. The only other people that Rose would take off like that for were standing next to me. I was posed to take off too, but Alice stepped in front of me.

"Let Rose take care of it Edward. You can't afford to get into another fight right now." I held back, cursing in my head, once again Alice was right. I wanted to protect my Bella, but I also had to protect our secret and our future together. I leaned against the car, hoping that I looked casual. Finally Bella and Rose came through the door. I went to her without even thinking, it was an automatic response. I quickly scanned her, making sure there wasn't any physical damage. She looked fine, except that she was a little shaken and she was rubbing her hand.

I wasn't surprised to hear about Jessica. I knew she had been plotting something, and I could only imagine what sick fucked up shit she said to Bella. I wished I could have seen my girl knock her the fuck out. I got a little excited about the mental image of her beating the shit out of Jess and me beating the shit out of Newton.

We said our goodbyes, and I fucked around the house until it was time to leave for Bella's. We would have one night of hiding in her room and one night of peace at my place. I lived for the fucking weekends with her. I could hardly wait for Charlie to drop her off at Rose's house Saturday morning. I had to sneak out extra early and meet Em around the block, and then wait until I got the ok from Jazz or Rose to go get my girl. I must have texted Jazz five times before he finally text me back.

_Fuck Dude! shes NOT here. I'll text as soon as her ass hits the door. now chill!_

Shit. I waited as patiently as I could. I played around in the music room, changed my sheets, took a shower, and tossed one off because I started thinking about what I wanted to do to Bella…again. Finally, I was sitting on my bed just staring off into space when, ding-dong, a text from Jasper.

_Shes here dude, get ur ass over here_

Didn't have to read it twice. The Volvo was revving and on its way to pick up my Bella. I was cautious as I pulled down Rose and Jasper's street. I wanted to make sure we were clear of Charlie before I went running like an ugly kid in a horror film up to Jazz's door. No sign of him anywhere. Bella met me halfway up the walkway. Our lips found each other as our hands groped each other for dear life.

Rose and Jasper came out and cleared their throats. "So, Bella, I told my mom you were spending the night but that we'd be shopping until late. I took one of your ugly ass shirts from your closet and put it on my floor just in case my mom checks in my room. She'll know that thing isn't mine and confirm with Charlie that you're here. She doesn't really give a shit but if she's asked she'll peek in, see the shirt, tell him you're here, all's good."

"Rose, you…fucking rock." I gave her an impromptu hug which I quickly cut off.

"No prob, now go get your freak on. Emmett and Alice are on their way here. We'll meet up with you guys tonight, ok?" She acts like a hardass but deep down Rosalie is a sucker for love. I escorted Bella to my car, a place she'd only been in a couple times. We were so restricted with how we could be together that the majority of our time together, apart from Friday Harbor, was in her bedroom or my house. Even when we went on our date we took Emmett's car. It felt so good to have  _my_  girl in  _my_ car. We drove to my house and I pulled Bella through nearly every room on the first floor to check who else was in the house; cuz if we were alone, all hell was going to break loose and Bella was going to be going to heaven. I thought we were home free but then I heard Esme humming as she came up from the pantry in the basement. I opened the door for her.

"Oh, hey Aunt Esme." Damn. I love Esme like a mother but this is one time I wish she had something else to do some _where_  else. "What are you doing with all of this stuff?"

"Thanks, dear. I'm just making cookies for Uncle Carlisle to take to the hospital bake sale. They are trying to get some more stuff for the parent lounge there." She caught sight of Bella and a warm smile spread across her face. "Bella, honey. So wonderful to see you again." I took half of the load in her arms and helped her to the kitchen. Bella closed the door behind us and caught a cinnamon container that fell out of my hands.

"Hi Esme. It's nice to see you again too."

"Bella and I will be here for a while. Do you need any help?" Please no, please no, please no.

"Oh you're so sweet." Esme patted my cheek and continued setting up to bake her cookies.

"Well, I could use some of those plastic containers in the storage closet out in the garage. I think I might have more chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin and snicker doodles than I can carry with just this one."

"I love snicker doodles. I could show you how to make cinnamon spiced carrot stick cookies. My mom used to make them for me. When I was about three I went through a little phase where I wouldn't eat any vegetables. My mom had to get creative and those cookies were one of the few things I would eat that contained a vegetable…I mean it was a cookie, what three year old can resist that, right?" Bella's eyes lit up when she talked about her mother that way. She was so beautiful when she was animated. I would do fucking anything in my power to make her look like that every minute of every day.

"Yes, dear, you'll have to show me. They sound absolutely wonderful. We could use another cook in this house. Emmett's appetite is enough to employ a full-time chef." We all had a good laugh at Em's expense.

"We'll go get those containers. Bella, you've never seen that part of the house, you wanna go with me?" I gave her an eyebrow wiggle with my back to Esme.

"Sure, I'll help you carry everything." Yeah,  _that's_  why I wanted you to come with me.

"Ok, I'm gonna show her the house then we'll bring you some containers back."

"Take your time. It'll be a while before I need them. Thanks guys."

I took Bella's hand and led her out of the kitchen. I already had a plan forming in my head. I took her through the study and out to the porch. I stole a quick kiss and a nibble on the lip in the breezeway heading out to the garage. Bella kinda stopped in her tracks when we entered the garage. I suppose it is quite the sight to see if you're not used to it. It was bigger than some people's houses. It housed Carlisle's BMW, Esme's Mercedes, Emmett's Jeep, Alice's Porsche, the Chevelle and my Volvo, with room to spare.

I coaxed her in with a little tug of her hand and she followed. At the back of the garage were two rooms. One Esme used as her potting room. She loved to plant flowers and tend her gardens. She said it made her feel calm and at one with nature. The other was a huge storage room with odds and ends and seasonal stuff. Following my plan, I pulled Bella into the first room. I pulled her into my arms and crushed her up against my body. She was molding herself to me and I wanted to feel her skin on mine. I pulled her shirt up over her head and buried my face between her beautiful breasts. I pulled her bra straps down over her shoulders and took her waiting nipples in my mouth. She started pulling my shirt over my head; I guess she was eager for some skin-to-skin contact too.

Things started getting more intense and I looked around for something to sit her on. I pushed my way over to the potting bench and slid everything off to the side. Bella looked at me a little shyly but not in a way that told me she wasn't game for it. I slammed myself into her again, giving her as much passion as I could. I wanted her to know that I wanted her, all of her.

I grabbed her hips and sat her up on the potting bench. Thank God I'm tall, that fucking bench was just the right size. We lined up perfectly. Bella looked at me with lust filled eyes and I was done for. She reached down and unbuttoned my pants painstakingly slow…Fuck why did I have to wear button fly jeans today. She reached in and took a hold of my eagerly waiting hard on. She groaned into my ear and my teeth clenched together to keep me from being too rough with her at the sound of it.

"I want to feel this inside me." Who was I to deny her what she wanted? She needed me just as bad as I fucking needed her. I pulled her off the bench and dropped to my knees. I unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off of her. Her damn shoe got caught up in one and I was about ready to cut the fucker off with some pruning shears when she reached down and steadied my hand then calmly untied the laces. I waddled over and locked the door, just in case, and when I returned Bella had taken her place back up on the bench. We made love like there was no tomorrow. I was calling her name out first this time. I was so into her I couldn't help it. She didn't mind. A few passionate kisses later and we were going at it again….this time she was struggling to keep her voice down. Feeling her cum around me and hearing her call out my name took over my senses again and one of Esme's aprons got another dose of Edward Cullen. I hadn't been expecting to make love to my girl in a gardening room, just fool around a bit. I didn't have time to run out to my car to grab the condoms.

We took a few minutes to soak each other in before we got dressed and made our way to the storage room. Esme was a very organized person so it didn't take long to find what we were looking for. I found a large handled shopping bag and stacked as many plastic containers in it as would fit.

"We should probably get these back to Esme. Half of her cookies are probably done by now. We took a little longer than I'd expected." I wiggled my eyebrow at her again and kissed her forehead when the red started to creep into her cheeks.

We made our way back into the house, kissing and playing around the whole way. I stopped just inside the doorway and kissed her hard against the wall. "I love you Isabella Swan." I whispered in her ear. Her smile said it all but she said it back anyway. I turned around and told her to hop on. She jumped up, giggling, and reached out for the bag handle. I gave her the bag, because I'd much rather have her thighs in my hands, and made my way toward the kitchen. I felt a buzz in my pocket but anyone I cared enough to talk to at the moment was on my back so I ignored it. I assumed it was Alice wondering if we were going to watch movies with them tonight.

I started jogging in a zigzag, airplaning her toward the kitchen and it made me laugh to hear her giggle and hold on tighter to me, like I would ever let her fall. She had her face buried in my neck and it felt so good to just be goofy like other teenage couples. I stopped long enough for her to drop the bag off on the counter. We continued our flight around the corner and after I turned down the hall, I froze, the smile slid completely off my face. Bella didn't notice the change and still had her face buried in my neck, her body still wrapped around my back. I let go of her legs and she slid down. "Awww, rides over?"

"Yeah." I whispered. "It's over, love." I didn't even try to hide the fucking fear in my voice.

"Why…" Just then she peeked around me and saw Charlie standing at the front door. Esme turned around with a look of complete horror on her face, her cell phone still in her hand.


	30. Chapter 30

**BELLA**

Edward was carrying me on his back through the house; both of us silly and relaxed after our little adventure in his garage. I loved being at his house, we didn't have to sneak around. We could be open with our feelings for each other and be a real couple. No hiding in closets or worrying about getting shot, his Aunt and Uncle loved me and I loved them. They were thankful for anything that brought back the old Edward and told me several times it was me.

I had my face buried in Edward's neck, giving him soft kisses, fantasizing about the rest of our weekend. I had no plans to leave Edward's side until Monday for school. It gave us one extra night. Edward rounded the corner and suddenly stopped cold. He let go of my legs and I dropped to my feet.

"Aww, rides over?" I was ready to stay perched on his back for the rest of the day. I loved the feeling of his body so tight to mine.

"Yeah, it's over, Love." I didn't understand what was going on, he sounded scared. I peeked around his shoulder and I felt an icy chill creep up my back.

Charlie.

"Dad?" I was terrified. The look on his face was murderous. I could feel the sobs already fighting to escape. Edward was right; the ride was over...everything…my life, my future with Edward was over. I snaked my fingers through Edward's, unwilling to let him go. He squeezed my fingers, pulling my hand towards his body.

Charlie looked from me to Edward, stopping on our intertwined hands. His expression darkened. Esme took a step back, she was messing with her phone, and I could only assume she was contacting Carlisle.

"Get your hands off my daughter." His voice was hard, every word full of hatred and disgust.

"Dad...wait." The tears were trailing down my cheeks.

"I said get your hands off my daughter." He completely ignored me; he wouldn't take his eyes off Edward.

"Charlie…Chief Swan…please, just let us explain." Edward begged, holding my hand tighter to his chest.

"I don't want to hear anything that  _you_  have to say." He turned to me; I had never seen him this angry before in my life. "Get in the car Isabella."

"Dad…please. Don't do this." I couldn't bear to let Edward go. I couldn't bear to take one step towards Charlie. It would mean losing Edward, losing my heart and fucking soul.

"I said get. in. the. car!" His face was turning beet red and he was hissing through his teeth.

"Charlie, let's all calm down. Carlisle is on his way home. We can all sit down and talk." Esme laid her hand on Charlie's arm but he shook it off harshly.

"I'm guessing you and Carlisle knew all about this. Even though you know how I feel about… _him_ …you kept this a secret from me." Esme didn't respond, technically he was right. They did know, and they both kept it a secret. She walked towards me, placing her hands on my shoulders.

"Bella, honey, you should probably go with your father." She started smoothing the hair away from my face.

"Aunt Esme…don't let him do this." Edward pleaded with her in a whisper.

"He's her father honey. I have no choice."

"No. He'll never let me fucking see her again." He pulled me in closer, wrapping his arm possessively around my shoulders.

"Damn right, I'm never going to let you see her again! You think I'm going to willing let you abuse my daughter?"

"I would never fucking hurt her!" Edward retaliated.

"I'm sure that's what you told Tanya and Jessica too."

"Dad! Stop it. Edward didn't do those things and you know it! He loves me…he's never been anything but a gentleman to me! He would never hurt me!"

"You think he loves you? He's only with you to piss me off."

"I do fucking love her!" Edward's jaw clinched in fear and anger.

"Look, I don't know what lies you've told her, but it's going to end right now." Charlie came towards me, taking my arm, pulling me towards the door. I flinched at the feeling of being torn away from Edward. He misunderstood my actions, thinking Charlie was the cause, and wrenched my arm out of Charlie's grasp.

"Let go, you're hurting her!"

"That's pretty funny coming from you!"

"I would never raise a fucking hand to her and I would never fucking physically force her out a door!" I could feel Edward's temper rising. I knew he would never strike out at me, but I wasn't so sure he would stop himself from hitting Charlie. That would definitely not help the situation. I placed my hand over his heart, willing him to calm down. I wished Em and Jazz were here.

"Oh, but you'd have no problem raping her."

"Dad!"

"Fuck you Charlie." He spat. "I'd never do anything Bella didn't  _want_  to do."

"Boy, you better watch how you talk to me. You know how easy it would be for me to throw your ass back in jail?"

"I'd like to see you fucking try!" Edward and Charlie both stepped toward each other, trapping me between them. Edward's jaw was twitching, a clear sign that he was about to snap. I had no idea what Charlie would do, but he sure didn't become Chief for being a pushover. I removed my hand from his chest, placing it on his cheek.

"Edward." I said softly, my need for him to meet my gaze clear in my voice. He struggled against his rage, but met my eyes. "Don't…please." I wished I was Alice; I wanted to be able to talk to him silently. He unclenched his fist and put his hand over mine, closing his eyes as he rubbed my hand against his face. I saw tears begin to form in his eyelashes. When he opened his eyes again, a tear escaped, running slowly down his face and dropping off onto my arm. He was fucking pissed.

Charlie watched this whole exchange in disbelief. I don't think he had fully realized the extent of our relationship. It didn't ease his anger; it only seemed to enrage him further.

"Get in the goddamn car, Isabella." Charlie growled.

"No." I was still connected with Edward. I refused to look at Charlie.

"If I have to carry you, I will."

"You won't fucking touch her." Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Edward, that's enough." Carlisle's soothing voice drifted into the hallway. "You won't speak to the Chief of Police that way." Carlisle made his way to us, placing one hand on Edward's shoulder and one on Charlie's, gently pushing them apart. A peacemaking gesture. Edward relaxed slightly, though it was difficult for him. He would never make a violent action in front of his Uncle. Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, are you alright?"

"Yes." He nodded and turned to my dad.

"Charlie, please. Why don't we take a minute to calm down, and we can have a discussion about this. As adults. I can make the kids wait in separate rooms."

"Carlisle, the last time you and I had a discussion, you made an ass out of me. You made my job into a joke. I'm not going to let you cover for Edward again. You and Esme are just as much to blame. You hid this from me, knowing how I would react. She's  _my_  daughter; I had every right to know what was going on."

"We had no intention of keeping secrets from you, but we wanted the kids to be sure this was what they wanted." Carlisle's normally joyful expression fell. "This was…bad judgment on my part. I truly am sorry."

"Carlisle, at this moment, I don't give a flying fuck if you are sorry." Everyone froze at Charlie's use of profanity directed at his uncle. This was worse than anything I had imagined. "I'm taking Bella home. I don't want to hear from any of you." He glared at Edward. " _You_  better not come within fifty feet of her. I'm not going to tell you again, Bella. Get. In. The. Car." Edward and I made no movement to split.

"Please, Charlie. Give them a second to say goodbye. Bella." Carlisle's voice was coaxing me. My bottom lip started to tremble, I knew this was it. I had no idea if I'd ever see Edward again. I had a feeling of apprehension…this wasn't going to be a 'see you at school on Monday' type thing. "Edward." Carlisle used the same tone.

Edward's shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned his face into my palm, laying soft kiss in the center. A thousand emotions flashed through his eyes at once. All variations of love, anger, and resentment. He was shaking, his free hand raking through his hair so hard that he lost a few strands. He had to take several ragged breaths before he was able to speak.

"I…" Edward bit his lip, my nervous twitch. "You are my life." He murmured. Saying 'I love you' just wasn't good enough. Charlie let out a harsh snort of laughter behind me.

"You are  _my_  life." I repeated. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting the heartbreak in his eyes to be my last memory of him.

"I've had enough of this bullshit." Charlie wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me backwards. I tried to squirm free, but his grip on me was too strong. Edward was still grasping onto my hand, he went to pull me out of Charlie's hold, but Carlisle stopped him. I reached out to him until I was too far away. The tears in my eyes were blinding me; I couldn't clearly see him as I walked out the door. I heard a loud strangled 'Fuck' as we stepped off the porch.

I couldn't fucking breathe. I stumbled down the stairs, having to lean on Charlie to keep from breaking my neck. The world was spinning. Halfway to the cruiser there was a familiar rumble. Em's Jeep came speeding up the driveway, barely missing Edward's Volvo. The others from my wannabe family jumped out of the car, I watched as the realization hit them. They were too late.

Alice's hands flew to her mouth, I heard Em mutter a string of profanities. Rose and Jazz stood in shock. Charlie opened the passenger door and practically shoved me in. The last thing I heard before he slammed the door shut was Edward screaming. "I will not fucking calm down!" My friends rushed in the house to him. It gave me some small comfort to know that he would be surrounded by people that love him, loved us.

Charlie turned the car towards our house, and the weight of the situation crashed around me. I started sobbing and shaking. My world crumbled around me and I withdrew from the outside in. My Edward, my reason for living, was gone.

The ride home was deathly silent. I could feel the heat of Charlie's anger. At that moment…I fucking hated my father. If he had only taken a minute…one precious minute to just fucking listen. But that was too much to ask for him. My heart was pounding in my chest, my head ached, and I felt like I might throw up any second. Maybe that would serve him right; if I had any control over my body right now I might do it on purpose. But my brain was too consumed with the demise of my future and present to think about such things.

Charlie pulled to a stop under the tree in our front yard, I wondered if he knew that was the parking spot Em and Alice used to cover for Edward. He made no attempt to get out of the car, he just sat, his hands gripping the steering wheel. Several minutes passed without a word.

"Give me your cell phone Bella." He asked quietly as he held his hand out. This started a whole new mess of tears. He knew I had a horrible time remembering phone numbers, without the phone I'd never be able to contact Edward…or anyone else. He was completely cutting me off.

"Dad…please. Just let me…"

"No." He interrupted. "I want the phone." After a few shaky attempts, I pulled the cell out of my pocket and set it in his awaiting hand. He shoved it in his coat, never bothering to look at it. More silence. It was starting to snow, which made me think of the way Edward's ears turned red in the cold. I felt the world closing in on me again. Charlie's harsh voice broke my trance. "How long has this been going on?"

I took a second to contemplate that. How long had I felt the pull to him? From the very first day, even though he had been a total asshole, that's when the connection started growing. There was no sense in lying anymore.

"Since October." I said quietly.

"Over three months? Goddamnit Bella." Charlie's brow scrunched together as he worked out the time frame in his mind. "He went on that road trip…didn't he?"

"Yes."

"Are you sleeping with him?" This question caused a sharp pain in my chest. I didn't want to answer. Not because I was ashamed but for fear of Charlie's reaction. I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for a verbal attack.

"Yes." Charlie's grip in the wheel tightening, his knuckles turned white.

"You….lied to me. You knew how I felt about him, and you looked me in the eyes and lied to me. I had to find out about this from Jessica of all people." I went into full panic mode at the mention of Jessica's name. That fucking skanky ass bitch. She ruined Edward's life, now she was ruining mine. "She came into my office today, with a _black eye_  by the way, and showed me a picture of you and…him…against…a wall." He stumbled over the last words. I could only imagine the picture, it wasn't pretty. It must have been from our behind the gym meetings and our intentions would have been crystal fucking clear.

"Jessica is a rotten bitch Dad." It didn't help my cause but it just felt appropriate to say.

"That doesn't excuse you from practically….having sex in public Bella! Is that how your mom and I raised you? To be a slut and a liar?" Those words were a slap to the face. I was in shock that he would say those things to me.

"I love him." I sobbed.

"You don't even know what love is. Up until a few months ago you were practically catatonic over losing Jacob, a boy you claimed to love. Now you are lying, sneaking around, having sex and punching people! You think that's what love is? To let some boy drag you down? He's manipulated you Bella, and as soon as he had his fun he'd toss you aside just like he did to Tanya and Jessica!" The rage welled up and I couldn't control it.

"I fucking love him! He loves me, really loves me. Did you ever stop to wonder why or how I came out of my depression? It was all Edward. He was able to help me, not you, not mom. Edward. He never abused Tanya and he never raped Jessica. They both fucking used  _him_. If you were any kind of decent cop, you'd know that already!" I screamed.

"How dare you talk to me like that." His eyes glared at me, his jaw clenched tight.

"How dare you call me a slut." Our words hung in the air as we stared each other down.

"Get in the house." He commanded. I was half tempted to bolt; the Hale house was reasonably close. I knew where they hid the extra key and Rose and Jazz's cell numbers were taped to the fridge. I could be back on Edward's arms within the hour. As I opened the door I posed myself to run, but the feel of my boot sliding on the wet grass stopped me. My clumsy ass would never make it that far. Charlie would catch up to me as soon as I hit the ground. Even if I did make it, Charlie would have no trouble finding me. It would only cause issue for Carlisle and Esme if he showed up at their house again. I just couldn't do that to them.

Charlie obviously knew what I had been plotting; he walked to my side of the car and escorted me into the house. He marched me right up to my room; I was overwhelmed by the sense of loss as I walked in. It still vaguely smelled of Edward and the window was cracked open. I had forgotten to close it this morning. I sat in my rocker, bringing my knees to my chin as Charlie searched my room. I wasn't quite sure was he was looking for but as soon as he flung open my closet door my stomach dropped. He was looking for proof of his suspicions, and he found it. Edward's makeshift hiding spot was still intact. The pillows, the small light, the books…he tossed them out of the closet. He moved to the wastebasket and overturned it. The torn condom wrapper at the bottom fell to the floor and Charlie froze as he stared at it.

"In my house?" He hissed. "You had him in my house!" I winced at the anger and volume of his voice.

"Dad…I'm sorry." I was sorry, but not about Edward. I felt horrible that I had destroyed my relationship with my father. I would never be sorry for anything to do with Edward.

"Well, at least you were being safe." He added sarcastically. I bit down hard on my lip. We hadn't been safe earlier in the back room of the garage. It had been wonderful though, feeling Edward without any barriers. Now I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel that again. "Not only have you completely disrespected me, but you've caused me to miss work. There's no way in hell I'm leaving you here alone." He walked out my door slamming it behind him. I cleaned up the mess he made, and then laid down on my bed, burying my face in Edward's pillow. His scent was will fresh. Had it really been only a few hours since we lay here together? We had been so excited about our time at his house. I'd wanted to talk to Carlisle and Esme, though I hadn't shared that with Edward yet. I wanted help with getting Charlie to accept that Edward was the one for me. They were on our side, just waiting for us to give the go ahead. That plan had been shot to hell.

Charlie came stomping back into my room; I didn't even bother removing my face from the pillow. I heard him walk to the window and start pounding. I curled tighter into my little ball. He was nailing the window shut.

"You gonna nail me to the bed too?"

"Honestly Bella, I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't think I had a daughter that would lie to me. I didn't think some juvenile delinquent would be sneaking into my house to have sex with my daughter." He finished with the window and turned to leave but paused at the door. "I'm so disappointed in you Isabella." He whispered. I hate hearing him use my full name. He had been the one to start calling me Bells when I was a kid. He left, closing the door softly this time, which seemed much colder than a slam.

"I'm disappointed in you too." Charlie's hatred for Edward completely overshadowed his love for me. He wouldn't even give him credit for turning me back into a human being again.

I laid there for hours. Trying desperately to keep the feel of Edward's touch in my mind. I heard Charlie downstairs, making phone calls, pacing, trying to watch TV. I heard him set a plate of food inside my door but I left it untouched. I was a statue, I couldn't move if I wanted to. I felt the toe ring burning against my skin. Once again I was left with nothing but objects to hold on to. I made a mental promise not to use them as a crutch this time.

Edward wasn't gone; he was out there, waiting for me. Alice would find a way. Charlie knew the laws, he couldn't keep me out of school forever and there wasn't another school in town. We would find a way to be together.

Charlie came and checked on me several times through the night, never saying a word. I wasn't sure if he was checking to see if had somehow found a way to escape or if I was still alive. Mostly likely both, my mental health history probably wasn't helping the situation. I could tell he was worried what I might do. As if I would try anything while I knew Edward was still out there.

The phone rang about once an hour. Sometimes it rang ten times before I would hear Charlie pick it up and slam it back down. I assumed it to be Alice or Carlisle, I knew Edward well enough to know that he was probably just as incapacitated as me at the moment. His temper…God only knows what suffered that the hands of his temper. I silently begged for it to please not be his music room. He would need his music to get him through this.

I stayed unmoving all night. My whole body ached from being locked in the same position for hours on end. I finally couldn't hold off using the restroom any longer, and my muscles screamed as I uncurled and stumbled to the bathroom. I caught my reflection in the mirror; I looked like death warmed over. As I got up to leave, I felt lightheaded and had to grip onto the sink to keep from falling. I needed to eat. It would do me no good to starve myself.

Leaning against the railing, I slowly made my way down the stairs to the kitchen. There was a plate with toast waiting for me at my spot. Charlie was stock still in his chair. I felt a tightening in my stomach when I realized he was going through my cell.

"I take it these messages aren't from Alice." A look of pure disgust passed over this face. "You think it's ok for a boy to talk to you like that? To say those kind of…sexual things to you? It's perverted."

"He said them out of love." I protested feebly.

"Saying he wants to…" He closed his eyes against the words. He couldn't get them out. "That's not love. That's sick. You should be ashamed of yourself." He closed my phone, placing it back in his pocket. I dropped my barely touched toast. Charlie rested his elbows on the table and laid his face in his hands. He suddenly looked old and very tired. A small part of me was sorry for being the cause of this. I knew Edward and I had gone about this the wrong way, but did Charlie have to be so fucking irrational? Did Alice ever walk around with bruises? No. Carlisle assisted battered women all the time in the ER, would he ever willingly let his own family member do something that horrible? No. Why couldn't Charlie see this?

I started to feel the need to start another string of examples in Edward's defense, but I knew another screaming match was not the way to go. This situation had to be approached as calmly as possible, another emotional outburst was only going to make me look more like the screwed up teenager Charlie now thought I was. I got up to leave and was almost out of the kitchen when Charlie spoke.

"I've been talking...to your mother." The mention of my mother stopped me dead in my tracks. "I've… _we've_  decided that it would be best…if you went back to Phoenix. Your plane leaves tonight." Charlie's words echoed in my head as my knees gave out.  _No, No, No, No!_  I screamed in my head. The urge to vomit hit me, but I swallowed it down.

"I won't go." I cried.

"You have no choice. If you run to Edward, I'd have to arrest you both. Runaways are illegal. I might even be forced to arrest Carlisle or Esme for harboring a runaway. As an officer I can escort you right to your gate and watch you get on the plane." I was on the floor...shaking. He would do it; he would arrest Edward just to keep him away from me. The last little hope I had of being with Edward was gone.

"Dad…please. Edward didn't do those things." I attempted one last time.

"This isn't just about Edward anymore. This is about you, and the person you've become. You and Edward…you're just teenagers. Your feelings could change at any moment. Edward could get bored and leave you. I've seen it happen thousand times. You are wanting to risk your whole life for a boy. You know how many young single mothers there are in this county? You think that's the life your mother and I want for you? That's what is going to happen, you two are going to get careless, get pregnant and he's going to leave, because that's the kind of person he is. I won't watch you destroy your life." He let out a ragged sigh. "You'll thank me…someday…for loving you enough to protect your future."

"My future is with Edward." I whispered.

"That's not a future." He said quietly. "Go pack your things. I have to finish making the arrangements. Whatever you can't fit in your bag…I'll send to you." I felt nothing…dead inside as Charlie came over and pulled me to my feet. I wanted to plead with him to let me say goodbye, but I knew it would be wasted effort.

I don't remember the trek to my bedroom, or how long I stood, staring at an empty bag. After Charlie's third or fourth reminded to hurry, I finally started moving. Every movement was tiring. My limbs didn't want to work. My body was rebelling against leaving Edward; it craved his touch, his electric current. I made sure I packed every single one of Edward's shirts, beyond that I wasn't quite sure what clothes made it into the bag.

I moved like a robot through my room. Picking up things I knew were a necessity. I came to my bookshelf and when my eyes grazed over the picture of me, Alice, and Rose at Friday Harbor, my breath caught. It was like a punch to the gut when I became conscious of the fact that I wasn't just losing Edward. I was losing my family.

I was never going to see Em's goofy grin, or Alice's little happy dance. Jazz and I were never going to sit at the lunch table sharing the ear buds for his IPod. Rose was never going to assault me with beauty products and fashion tips. Nobody in Phoenix was going to call me Jelly Belly. Alice wasn't going to be there to get me through this.

I tried to cry for them, but I couldn't muster up the tears. This was so far past a crying fit. This was beyond any emotional outburst. Nothing seemed fitting; nothing was going to help ease the loss I was feeling.

Going back to my zombie state, I packed anything that would remind me of my family. The picture of me and the girls, a picture of me and Em standing next to my truck, some CDs Jazz lent me, even some make up that Rose 'forgot'.

I had no pictures of me and Edward. Any pictures taken of us were either on his phone or Alice's. All the pictures Alice took of us at Friday Harbor with her camera were with her. I had nothing but my memories and I would never fucking let those go.

Charlie was in my doorway, watching my every move. He didn't prevent me from packing anything, I don't think he was clear on exactly what was mine and what was Edward's. He never bothered to pay much attention to my things. He watched me open my jewelry box, where the earrings from Edward sat next to Jacob's locket. I almost burst out laughing at the sight it. Thankfully I held back, that would have been one more sure sign that my move back to Phoenix was required. I slipped the earrings in my ears and packed the locket. I hadn't touched it since my birthday; it no longer had any emotional hold over me. That part of my life had been put away, but it was still a gift from a loved one.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Ready?" I glanced at the clock. Had that much time really passed?

"So soon?"

"Well, we have to drive to Seattle, and you have to get there early enough to check in." I nodded slowly. I met Charlie's eyes and had to give it one more shot.

"Please Dad, don't make me go." I pleaded. "I won't lie; I won't sneak him in anymore. We'll only see each other at school, or under your supervision. PLEASE don't make me leave him." My voice faltered at the end, and Charlie's expression softened for a split second. He broke eye contact and steeled his posture.

"No Isabella. This is for your own good."

"You can't stop me from being with him when I graduate."

"You really think a boy like him is going to wait around that long?" He chuckled to himself. "You know, I used to think you were reasonably mature for a teenage girl, given in the things you've been through. But now I see…you are no different than another young girl I come across. You don't sound like a woman in love; you sound like a whiny brat with a crush." He shook his head and turned to leave. "Let's go."

I swallowed my anger at his words and followed him, knowing if I resisted he would just carry me. He threw my bag in the back of the cruiser and we took off. It wasn't until we crossed the town line that the hole started forming in my chest. It was a horrible, empty feeling that grew bigger the farther away we got from Forks. This was it…Charlie wasn't going to turn around, and Edward didn't even know I was leaving. Alice couldn't plan my way out of this.

Charlie didn't try to speak to me the whole trip; even if he did I wouldn't have noticed. I was in a daze. Time no longer had any meaning to me and the three hour journey to Seattle passed by in what seemed like minutes. The clerk behind the ticket counter watched me with a curious expression. I must have looked stoned or crazed. I didn't see the need to fix my appearance since I saw myself earlier in the mirror. Her curiosity heightened when Charlie revealed himself as an officer and his plans to escort me to the gate. He was leaving me no chances.

The guard at the security check point asked if I was on any medication. Charlie answered with a gruff 'No', and pushed me through the metal detector. The closer we got to my gate, the more difficult it became to walk. I was practically being dragged.

Charlie read the paper as we waited for my plane to board. Anything to avoid conversation with me. I toyed with the hem of my shirt… _Edward's_  shirt. I closed my eyes, recalling the memory of him wearing this particular shirt. It had been last weekend. I remembered the way it hugged his shoulders, the lose string dangling from the sleeve that he absently yanked off, the way I brought it to my nose and deeply inhaled after pulling it off over his head.

"Flight 106 to Phoenix is now boarding." The voice blared over the speakers, causing me to jump and lose my memory. I tried smelling the shirt now, but I washed it since then. It just smelled like clean laundry.

My dad kept true to his word and accompanied me right to the doorway. I almost dropped the ticket as I handed it over to the guy behind the booth, my trembling was uncontrollable. A flash of concern spread over his face. Charlie had fully intended to go on the plane and watch me take my seat, but he wasn't allowed. He rested a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"Bella…just know that….I do love you." I didn't respond. I jerked my shoulder out of his grasp and walked down the little hallway without a word. I knew he would stay until my plane was in the air. I was lucky enough that the seat next to me was empty. I could curl into my little ball without bothering anyone.

It wasn't until the plane took off that my brain registered I would never feel Edward next to me again. The hole felt like it covered my entire body, I was nothing inside. My soul was in Forks and there would be no faking a Happy Bella this time. I didn't even want to. Fuck them. They did this to me, they could live with it.

**EDWARD**

"FUCK." Charlie really was taking her away, away from my house, away from me. I felt a bit of panic start to rise up in my chest. I could taste the bile in my throat mixing with the saltiness of the tears that I couldn't hold back any more. I could feel my whole body shaking and didn't even want to stop it.

"Edward, calm down. You won't help anything by exploding right now." Carlisle tried to use his most soothing voice. It just pissed me off more.

"I will not fucking calm down!" Charlie shut the car door and stared back and me with menace and hatred. I didn't fucking care I stared right back. If I could have dropped him dead right there with a look they'd be scraping his ass off my fucking driveway.

Alice was near panic too. Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes were filled with tears. Jazz looked like he just ate something rotten, Rose was stone faced and Emmett was pissed. They all came rushing in and it took Emmett and Jazz both to hold me back from chasing the cruiser down the drive.

My hands fisted into my hair painfully. The pain in my head was nothing compared to what my heart was feeling. I started pacing, not knowing what to do with all my nervous energy. At one point I had to scream to keep my head from exploding. Malicious thoughts started running through my head. If I beat them home I could hide behind the door and hit Charlie in the head with something really fucking hard before he knew what was going on. Maybe I could wait until he was asleep and sneak in and off him then. Ahhhggghh. What was I thinking, I'd get caught and spend fucking life in prison, without Bella, being some guy named Chuck's bitch.

I had to think of something, some way for me and Bella to be together. Our future couldn't die like this. Not without a fight. I vaguely heard the rest of the family taking in the background. I think I heard Esme crying. I was so self absorbed at the moment that I couldn't even stop to comfort her. I was inconsolable and therefore in no condition to offer anyone else anything.

"I'm going to my room." I turned and took two steps at a time trying to get away from everybody, everything, all this hurt. It didn't work. I got away from the people but the ache of missing Bella followed me. I slammed my door shut and looked for any remnant of Bella to hold on to. The room was clean, nothing but me here. I had a sudden flashback of our unbelievable encounter in the potting room.

My door was flung open and I was at the bottom of the stairs before it banged shut again on the rebound. I ran out to the porch and across the breezeway. I heard someone coming behind me but didn't care who it was.

I flew across the garage and tore into the potting room. I looked around the room and finally found what I was looking for, Bella's sweater. She wore it in but it didn't make it out with us. I remembered it and was circling around to go get it when…..when I saw  _him_. I grabbed up the sweater and pulled it close to my face to erase the image of Charlie dragging her out of my arms. I took a deep breath and took Bella's scent into my lungs; Jasmine and honey. The most perfect smell.

Emmett came crashing into the potting room, tripping over some potting soil and taking out a line of rakes. "Holy fucking shit dude. I thought you were going for your fucking car. I was ready to tackle your ass. What the fuck are you doing in my mom's gardening room? No shovels, dude, I'm serious. You have a lot to live for. We'll get Bella back"

"I'm not getting a fucking shovel ass munch." I fisted Bella's sweater and stormed out of the room.

"Damn dude, you didn't have to kill her bench."

I couldn't hold back the smile at the memory of how exactly that bench got messed up but it didn't last long. I soon remembered why she wasn't here. Fucking Charlie. How the hell did he even know she was here? I made my way back into the house, sweater in hand. Bella's scent caused my anger to subside, slightly, but then the heartache took over. I flopped down on the couch and was immediately surrounded by my family.

Esme and Carlisle took either side of me with Alice in front of me, Jazz in the chair and Rose and Emmett on the loveseat. I felt blank, empty, a hole. Everything that Bella had filled up in me had been drained in a matter of minutes. "What the hell happened?" My voice sounded strangled and weak and my head hung low.

"Jessica." Alice whispered. I looked up to her eyes, confused.

"We all went out to lunch at the diner and we overheard Lauren talking to somebody about Jessica. Apparently she knew something was up and followed you guys behind the gym. She took a picture on her cell phone of the two of you….together… and took it up to the police station this morning." I sat there dumbfounded. That fucking bitch. So she's ruined my life…again.

"That's why Charlie came here looking for her. We tried to make it here before Charlie did but….." Alice hung her head, she blamed herself. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. I hoped she got the message.

"I wish that bitch would just give in to the herpes and die." Em muttered.

"Emmett." Carlisle's corrective tone was softened by the slight turn up of the corner of his mouth.

"What the fuck am I going to do?" I scanned the room, meeting the gaze of every family member. Nobody said a word, even Alice seemed lost. Her normal plotting gleam missing from her eyes. If Alice didn't even know how to fix this, I was fucking screwed. Carlisle cleared his throat and Esme took my hand in hers.

"Edward…I know this is difficult, but Charlie is going to need some time…to calm down. It might be best if you…if you didn't contact Bella for awhile." It was several seconds before his words sunk in.

"What?" I asked, appalled that he would even suggest such a thing.

"I know it's hard, but…Charlie has a point. This should not have been kept a secret from him. This is as much my fault as anyone's. Your Aunt and I were so thrilled to see you…alive…again. We let our personal feelings cloud our judgment."

"You want me to…just…fucking let her go?"

"Of course not honey." Esme stroked my cheek as she spoke. "We love Bella and we think you two are good for each other, but we need to give Charlie sometime to process this. We'll give it a few weeks…" I jerked my head away, and shot up from my seat.

"A few weeks?" I screamed. "You want me to go without Bella for a few weeks!" I stared at them in disbelief; did they not understand a fucking thing?

"Edward, watch your tone with your Aunt." Carlisle warned.

"I can't fucking believe you. You kept this a secret so Bella and I could fall in love, and now that you got busted for doing it you want to fucking bail on us?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you will not speak to us like that." He commanded as he stood up and met me eye to eye. "We are not bailing on you. We  _are_  going to help you, however you acting like a raving lunatic is not going to better your situation. Today you acted just how Charlie expected you to, violently. You threatened him! Do you know how lucky you are that you are  _not_ sitting in jail right now? You aren't going to get Bella back if you keep this up!"

"Fuck this, I'll be in the music room…ALONE!" No one tried to stop me as I stormed down to the music room, Bella's sweater still in hand. I locked the door behind me and looked around trying to find something to take my anger out on. The stools were the first thing I could reach. I threw one against the wall and when it didn't cause the destruction I wanted, I hurled the other one. It still didn't have the desired effect. I noticed a stack of composition papers on the desk. Bella's song. I'd been working on it since Friday Harbor. Now she'd never hear it. I threw it into a scattered heap on the floor then proceeded to kick it into a snow storm. By the time my fit was done I was bawling. Not just crying but sobbing. I couldn't help it, I couldn't live without Bella. I didn't want to. I needed something to ease the pain, make me numb.

My mind flashed back to about three weeks ago. I had this tune in my head and it kept repeating, just begging me to write it down. It reminded me of Bella, made me see her. I looked in all the built in cupboards trying to find the composition paper. I hadn't touched it since Tanya and I broke up, even a little before that. I was never inspired to write music when I was with her and definitely not after. I could barely listen to music when I was with Jessica let alone write it. But with Bella, I heard melodies all the time. This was more than a melody; it was the melody, harmony, tempo and lyrics, the whole thing. She inspired me to write again, to feel music again. Not that it mattered now. When I was looking for the paper to write down Bella's song I found a hidden stash of booze from my post-Tanya-Jessica-mindfuck days. I needed that fucking stash right now.

I practically ripped the cupboard door half off the hinges and grabbed a random bottle. I didn't even look to see what it was. I didn't really fucking care. I chugged down a big gulp. It burned all the way down, singed the frayed edges of my broken heart. I continued until I couldn't hold the bottle up any more.

I woke up on the floor in a puddle of my own vomit with composition papers stuck to the side of my face. Thank God I passed out face down or else I might not have woken up….wait maybe I should have turned over. Fuck. How was I going to face the day? They wanted me to go a couple weeks without Bella? I wouldn't fucking survive it.

What do you do all day when the ONLY thing you want to do is go the one place you can't go? Drink. I reached over and grabbed the first bottle I could reach. The fucker was empty. I chucked it against the wall. It broke into a million pieces. I squirmed over to the next bottle; half empty but it was something. I chugged it down, threw up, and then chugged a little more. Within an hour I was out again.

I was forced awake by a less than gentle shake. "Dude, wake the fuck up." Jazz was a loud mother fucker in the morning.

"Go to hell! I don't wanna get the fuck up. Go eat some breakfast and leave me the fuck alone."

"Ahh, it's the middle of the afternoon asshole. You passed out last night and by the looks of it had a liquid breakfast. You've been out all fucking day. Now move your ass." Jazz kicked me over onto my side and waved away the smell of liquor and vomit. "You're lucky I know where you hide the fucking key...unless you planned on drinking and choking to death on your own vomit."

"That thought may have crossed my fucking mind." I muttered under my breath. I felt like death warmed over. My heart was broken and so was my body. Doing an all night bender after months of sobriety is a sonofabitch. Jazz helped me to the shower. I was glad there was one just off the music room because my ass would have been sprawled out on the floor again if it was much farther away. I don't know if I undressed myself or if he helped but I came to my senses sitting on the shower floor with my head in my hands. I sat there for an indiscriminate amount of time letting the water wash away my drunken grogginess, which sucked because then I felt the heart ache again. The phantom pain of not having Bella next to me. My stomach was lurching and I knew from experience that I'd better get something to eat, even if I didn't want to.

I threw on the clothes Jazz or someone left and shuffled my way out of the bathroom and back into the music room. I plopped down on the couch and thought my head was going to explode and my ass was gonna come up out of my neck. Fuck, hangovers are a bitch. I glanced over the room and saw that somebody had cleaned up the paper mess and cleaned up my puke piles. I was glad because if I would have seen or smelled one of those bastards I'd have lost what was left of my stomach, lining and all. I also found a plate of toast and crackers with a side of water and a coke. I never could drink water with a hangover, it always made things worse.

I had to eat some crackers then chase it with a drink of water followed by a sip of coke. It was the only way my body would allow me to rehydrate it. My little routine came back fairly quickly. Within a couple of hours I was coherent at least. I made no attempt to leave the music room. I just sat there. I didn't want to watch TV and be reminded of losing Bella by some stupid fucking commercial. I didn't want to listen to music; my music was gone, dragged away by her fucking prick of a father. So I sat and did nothing…all day.

Alice finally came down to the music room and sat shyly by my side. "Edward, I'm sorry." She was fighting back tears. "I'm sorry I didn't see it coming, or at least realize that I saw it coming. I'm sorry I didn't make it here in time. I'm just so sorry." Those last words broke her. She was sobbing into her hands. My heart broke again. Not only did I lose the love of my life but Alice lost one of her best friends; only Rose rated higher and only because she had more time in. I reached over and put my arm around her shoulders pushing our heads together.

"Alice, it's not your fault. I don't blame you at all. It's this whole fucked up situation."

"I pushed you guys together. I thought I'd make it better for both of you." Alice looked me in the eyes, tears spilling over her eyelashes.

"You did make it better. I'd never fucking regret falling in love with Bella. She brought me back to life. Thank you, Alice, Bella is the best gift I've ever been given." I kissed her forehead then put my head back against hers. "We just have to get her back somehow." I shook my head in frustration of not having a single fucking clue as to how to do it.

"Let me try to call again, ok." Alice dialed Bella's cell phone number. Her eyes opened wide as she spoke to the person on the other end.

"Hello...Yes, it's Alice…no please don't hang up….Can I...She did? Wha? When is she…? She's not? Ok. Ok…No, we won't call again…Umm, bye."

Alice sat there with a blank look on her face. "What the hell, what did she say? She didn't want to talk to me?"

"It wasn't Bella, it was Charlie." There was something off in her voice; I recognized it as her 'about to tell Edward something fucked up' tone.

"What did he say?" She didn't respond. "What the fuck did he say, Alice?"

"Bella's….Bella left. He put her on a flight to Phoenix a few hours ago." She said her voice barely audible. My entire body went limp and I slid off the couch, landing painfully on my knees.

"What?" I choked out. Alice's hand rested on my shoulder.

"Edward…I'm so...so sorry." I was gasping for air. I had held onto some sliver of a hope that at least I could get to see her beautiful face at school. I was sure Charlie'd keep her away for a few days…but she would have to come back. Now even that was gone.

"That motherfucker! It wasn't enough to take her away from me…he has to make her move away from the only friends she has." Every ounce of rage I felt earlier came bubbling back up, multiplied by fucking ten. It was one thing to punish me but he was punishing  _her_. I moved so fast that Alice didn't have time to stop me. By the time she made it upstairs to tell anyone else I was already in my car screeching down the driveway.

I made it in record time. I didn't even remember driving there really; it was pretty much a blur. I slammed on the breaks and slid to a stop sideways in Charlie's front yard, ripping up his yard. I pulled myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I banged on the door as hard as I could, rattling it on its hinges. No answer. I did it again, this time accompanying it with a string of profanities that the neighbors were sure to notice.

"Go away Edward." His voice sounded stiff, worn out. I growled at the thought of him having the nerve to be upset about sending Bella away.

"You are a rotten fuck Charlie. You took her away from the only people who know everything about her and love her anyway. You took her away from the people who helped her when you couldn't. You took her away from her family." I didn't mention myself because that was a whole other story that he wouldn't even listen to; he took her away from the one person who loved her more than he did.

"I'm her family Edward; now get the hell off my porch. She's not coming back." Charlie was shouting through the door way.

"You are  _not_  her family! You let her fucking rot up in her room barely feeling human let alone happy. You pushed her into pretending to be happy for YOUR sake, not hers. You didn't even care enough to ask why she was so happy, you were just glad that the guilt was lifted off of  _you_." That must have hit a nerve because the front door swung open.

"Get the hell off my property before you make me do something I'm going to regret." Charlie had his gun pointing at me through the doorway.

"I'm not afraid of you, Charlie. You've already taken everything that means anything to me away."

"You better be afraid. You think I don't know you were screwing  _my_  daughter in  _my_  house?"

"Fuck. You." We were both about to blow up. Charlie put his gun back in his holster and took a step out of the door. My fists balled up and I prepared to throw down. If that fucker thinks he's gonna take Bella away without losing some fucking teeth he's got another thing coming.

I stepped back to take a swing at him but was knocked off the porch by a fucking runaway bus. I rolled Emmett's big fucking ass off me and pushed myself off the ground. I was ready to go again but Emmet had already positioned himself between me and Charlie.

"What the fuck Emmett, get the hell outta the way!"

"NO, Edward, for Christ sake. This isn't going to help." I heard another screech of tires and Jazz was behind me, tugging on my arm.

"Get him the hell out of here, or I'm going to arrest all of you."

"I'm sorry Charlie. We'll leave." Em backed off the porch. Charlie slammed his front door and the combined efforts of Em and Jazz forced me into the passenger side of the Jeep. "That was really fucking stupid Edward. What the fuck where you thinking?" I couldn't answer him. I put my head in my hands and felt myself give in to defeat.


	31. Chapter 31

**BELLA**

The flight attendants were gossiping about me, I could hear their hushed voices from behind the curtain. They all heard about the girl with the glazed eyes and rats nest hair being escorted by her cop of a father. They wanted to know why I was curled into a fetal position, why I was shaking, and what I had done to warrant such an extreme reaction. One of them whispered that she thought I was a heroin addict, that my current state reminded her of the scene in  _Trainspotting_  when Ewan McGregor's character goes into withdraws.

I watched that movie before…with Edward...and I let out a tiny laugh at the thought of seeing Edward crawling on the ceiling, spinning his head around like baby did.  _At least I would get to see him,_ I thought bitterly.

One of them decided to take pity on me. Covering me with a blanket when my teeth started chattering. I wanted to tell her it wasn't because I was cold, that it was because my body was missing its much needed electric jolt from Edward's touch, but the apologetic smile she wore stopped me. She was only trying to help and I needed all the help I could get.

"Do you need anything, Honey?" She asked. Such a simple question, and I had a simple answer.

"Edward." I croaked out. Confusion passed over her face, and she tilted her head as if she didn't hear me properly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing." I muttered. She hovered above me, clearly trying to figure me out. She had a motherly air about her, and I wondered if she had children and if she was picturing what she would do if they were in this situation. She reminded me of Esme, which just made me hurt worse.

"I'm sorry about them." She jerked her head to indicate the other flight attendants. "They get bored easily." I didn't respond. I honestly didn't give a fuck if they were talking about me. What could they say that was any worse than what my own father had said? She took my silence as a cue to leave. "Well, if you do need something, just let me know. My name is Jessica." I flinched at the sound of that name. I wondered if she was a two faced, rotten crotched, happiness vampire too. She went to the back of the plane with the others and another muted conversation could be heard. I guess she was, at least a little.

I tuned them out and went through my entire catalogue of memories containing Edward's singing voice. It didn't have the desired effect. It was like looking at a photo of a dead loved, familiar but not the same. It made me feel…emptier… if that was even possible. I knew the longer I went without hearing the real thing, the more the memories would become distorted. The way certain words rolled of his tongue would be forgotten and each time I heard one of those songs on the radio or TV, it would get harder to distinguish if I was remembering Edward's version or the real one.

However, I would never forget the way his voice made me feel. The way my body reacted, and how he always knew the perfect song to sing to get me to cheer up or make me feel comforted or even get me turned on.

Another flight attendant stopped at my feet, eyeing me warily. I'm pretty sure she was the one that thought I was a junkie. She looked as if she'd gone a few rounds with a few drugs herself and knew the signs. She discreetly set two small bottles of Stoli vodka in front of my face.

"To take the edge off." She explained. "You look like you're about to go all psycho serial killer and it's freaking people out." She pulled down one of the trays and laid down a can of 7up and some air sickness bags. "Just don't hurl on the seats." After giving me a tight smile, she went about helping the rest of the passengers. Bitch. I wondered if her name was Jessica too.

I stared at the tiny bottles. The thought of drinking reminded me of what? Oh that's right…Edward. My body subconsciously curled even tighter. Friday Harbor…Edward…drunk Em…Edward…Jazz in his silly costume…Edward…Alice and Rose and our sexy dances….drunken sex with Edward…Edward Edward Edward. I groaned as the sound of his name repeated in my head and his face as I was ripped away from him flashed before my eyes.

I didn't want to…feel this…anymore. The memories of him and I together were running rampant. That first weekend, the night he had his verbal fuck up. Us just lying in his bed together watching TV. That was perfect. That was what I didn't want to let go of. I remembered Edward laughing at  _Family Guy_ that night. ' _Let's drink until we can't feel feelings anymore'_ Peter Griffin said _._ Sounded like a great fucking idea.

I unscrewed the first bottle and took a fairly big swig; gagging as it went down. As soon as it hit my empty stomach I knew it was a bad idea. I wasn't an experienced drinker, but the fact that doing it on an empty stomach was stupid was pretty common knowledge. I fought the urge to vomit and took a few sips of 7up. I let out a rather large burp and the queasy feeling subsided. After drinking about half the can of pop I had the brilliant idea to pour the vodka in the can. It made the vodka easier to drink but didn't stop my stomach from churning.

The flight attendant must have been watching me because she returned with another can and a bag of peanuts and a bag of chips. I ate both, drank half the pop and then mixed the other bottle of vodka in. I was sufficiently buzzed. My face was flushed and my vision was blurry.

It wasn't enough. My internal body clock was telling me to expect Edward's call. Well that wasn't going to fucking happen. To make matters worse, the pilot informed us we were approaching our destination. I had to force myself to sit up, which proved very difficult to do thanks to the alcohol. The world spun around me and I clutched onto one of the sick bags. I clenched my jaw shut and breathed threw my nose until it passed.

During the landing we hit some nasty turbulence and I couldn't stop myself from vomiting. At least I didn't get it on the seats. Gold star for me.

I waited until everyone else got off the plane before I even thought about moving. I allowed myself to fantasize that I was in one of Alice's chick flicks and Edward had somehow managed to find a flight that was faster than mine, and he was out there waiting for me. I would run to him and he would scoop me into his arms and kiss me passionately. We would be together forever, cue sappy music Edward wouldn't be caught dead listening to.

The empty ache in my chest reminded me that Edward was still in Forks, probably not even aware that I was gone. Or would Charlie run right to him with the news? Rubbing it in his face that he separated us for good. I cringed at the thought of that conversation. I only hoped Edward didn't let his temper get the best of him.

I swayed a little on my feet, but amazingly made it off the plane without falling. The flight attendants gave me encouraging smiles as I left them behind. The first step from the hallway to the actual airport floor was the most difficult. It meant I was really in Phoenix. That my heart and soul, my music, my whole reason for living was currently over fifteen hundred miles away, and I had no clue when or if I'd ever see him again. If I'd ever even speak to him again.

I stood there, gasping for air, drunk and sick for several minutes before the clerk behind the desk took my arm to guide me over the little step. I was utterly defeated.

"Ma'am, do you need assistance?" He asked gently. I shook my head and slowly made my way to the baggage claim. That was where my mom and Phil would be waiting for me. My steps were wobbly and people watched me with looks of disgust. It was obvious I had been drinking and obvious I was underage.

I saw my mom before she saw me. She was wringing her hands and leaning against Phil, who looked annoyed. Her hair was knotted up in a careless ponytail and her shoes weren't tied. More than likely she wrote down the wrong time of my arrival and Charlie had called her at the last minute to remind her.

Phil caught sight of me and pointed in my direction. She sprinted towards me, tears running down her face.

"Bella, oh honey." She cried as she enveloped me in a hug. She stiffened suddenly and pulled away. "Is that…alcohol I smell?"

"Yes." I answered flatly.

"They let you drink on the plane?"

"Yes." I slurred. She glanced over to Phil. His annoyance turned into worry and he shrugged. Phil was always totally lost when it came to me. He came from a family of all boys and had no idea how to deal with a teenage girl.

"Bella…umm...that's not…well…we'll discuss it later. Let's get you home." I winced at the word home. My home was with the family that loved me. The family I was ripped away from. The family in Forks. The family that contained Edward. Phil grabbed my bag and my mom slung her arm around my shoulders, half pushing me, half holding me up.

I didn't say a word the whole ride to the house, mostly because I was trying to keep from vomiting all over the backseats. The vodka had been a very bad idea. I was dehydrated and I hadn't eaten more than a few bites of toast and the snacks on the plane since I was torn away from Edward. That was almost thirty-six hours ago.

I was weak and my body jerked and rolled with every movement of the car. When we finally made it to the familiar ranch house, I opened the car door and finally released the contents of my stomach. That seemed to drain what remaining energy I had; I couldn't even make it to the door. Phil had to carry me while Renee dragged in my bag. They took me right to my old room, and laid me down on the bed.

After she sent Phil to make me some soup, my mom pulled off my jacket, my shoes and my pants. She tried to make me take off the shirt I was wearing and put on one of the night shirts I left behind, but I protested, mumbling 'Edward's shirt' over and over until she relented.

"Ok baby." She said gently. "I'll let you keep on the shirt if you eat something." I was in no position to argue. Anything that let me hold onto a piece of Edward was worth my time. Renee propped me up on a pillow and slowly fed me the soup. I felt slightly ridiculous that I being fed like a baby, but in all honesty I probably would have spilled more than I ate. I was shaky from the lack of eating and the booze.

When I was done I felt marginally better, but exhausted. Renee tucked me in, whispering softly in my ear. "I promise to do better this time baby." I didn't respond, my mind was already gone, trying desperately to recall Edward's voice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For three days I stayed curled in my bed, only moving to use the restroom. I didn't shower, I didn't change my clothes. Finally Phil threw me over his shoulder and lugged me to the bathroom at my mom's request. She stood in the bathroom, making sure I was actually washing myself and not just stand there like a zombie under the water.

"I'll help you Bella, but only if you help yourself." Help me? Help me do what exactly? Get over Edward? Not a fucking snowball's chance in hell. After I was clean enough for my mom's standards I threw on another one of Edward's shirt and crawled back into bed. I ate and drank when she told me to. The only time I spoke was to ask her to turn the radio off. It seemed Phil and Edward had the same taste, and I wasn't ready for those memories to be corrupted yet.

On the fifth day I was woken up by Renee having a rather heated phone conversation outside my door.

"Charlie how bad can this boy really be...well did you actually see him….yes because teenage girls are so extremely trustworthy…I know she shouldn't have done that but you didn't have to call her a slut….Goddamnit Charlie you can be so pigheaded sometimes…she's barely said ten words since she's been here, I had to force her to shower…..no, this is much worse than before…yes it IS…..she is pushing us away Charlie ….no I don't think she's going to try that again….because then she'd never be able to be with him ….no, we got rid of the house phone and both cells are in Phil's name…..I can only take so much time off work….so what, you are just never going to see her again….and what if he does wait that long, are you going to disown your own daughter….alright….I said  _alright_ ….I hope you're happy…..whatever Charlie…yeah goodbye."

Charlie was covering all the bases. Filling Renee's head full of lies, making sure Edward couldn't contact me. Had Edward already tried? He surely knew that I was gone by now. I shuddered at the thought of Jessica skipping through the halls, gloating that she had gotten rid of me. The image of her throwing herself at Edward made me physically ill. I was curious to know if Rose and Alice were already plotting against her or of they were too busy taking care of Edward. I groaned inwardly as I thought about Alice. She would be feeling her own loss for me, plus Edward's.

By the following Monday Phil was able to convince my mom to get me back into school and back into a normal life. I had no desire to attend a school without Edward, but the rational voice in my mind reminded me that completing school was a step towards a future with him.

I returned to my old school, quite thankful that it was an overcrowded mess and I could easily go unnoticed. Everything was a reminder of Edward. There were some iffy times when my resolve to function almost cracked, but I pushed on.

Just as I promised myself on the plane, there was no Happy Bella. I was Functioning-Pissed-as-Fuck Bella. Though the hole in my chest was ever present, everyday brought more and more anger. I didn't fake shit. I refused to talk to Charlie whenever he called. I barely spoke to my mom and Phil. I barely slept. My clothes were already getting looser; I was practically swimming in Edward's shirts. Every night my body ached to feel him next to me. I wasn't even able to cry, there was no release.

Even after all this time apart, Renee could convince Charlie to do anything. Or at least she used to. On this she followed Charlie's every command. I heard all their late night conversations. Apparently Charlie had given more details on Edward's arrests than should be allowed for a person in his position. I heard things Edward and Alice hadn't even shared with me. No that it mattered. I knew the truth.

They watched my every move, either waiting for me to bolt, or snap. I wasn't sure which. Neither was on my mind. I had no money, no means to get back to Forks. I wasn't a planner like Alice, or sneaky like Rose. Even if I attempted to run, with my luck I'd end up on the opposite side of the country. Suicide was completely out of the question, not only would I never be with Edward, but it would destroy him.

I wasn't given a cell phone, and the computer had a password. At Charlie's suggestion I was sure. Only once was the computer left on long enough for me to do a quick search of phone numbers. Cell numbers weren't listed. The Cullen and Hale house phones were unlisted as well. I found the number for Carlisle's office at the hospital, but I had to call from a payphone at school. Heidi the brainless receptionist kept giving me the runaround and I was out of quarters before I was able to leave a full message.

Almost two weeks had passed when I heard a series of furious whispers. It ended with Renee yelling. "Fine. I'll do it!" A few minutes later she perched herself on the side of my bed, holding a gallon of Rocky Road Ice cream and two spoons.

Rocky Road. Edward. Fuck.

"Bells, baby? How about we have some girl time. Remember how we used to stay up, gorging ourselves on ice cream, talking until the sun came up?" Her voice was high pitched as she spoke. She was trying entirely too hard to sound cheerful. "Maybe it will help." Yes, ice cream was going to fill this hole in my chest. That was the surefire cure to a missing soul; sugar and girl talk. I snorted with laughter.

"I don't think so." I rolled away. Renee huffed and set the ice cream and spoons on the nightstand.

"Damnit Isabella Marie. I'm freaking trying here. I know I was a selfish piece-of-shit mom when you lost Jake and I'm sorry for that. I want to be better this time, but I have no clue what the fuck is going on." My eyes widened at my mom's use of the word 'fuck'. Apparently my behavior was dragging out my parents' potty mouths. "I'm so lost. I'm not one hundred percent clear on why Charlie hates this Edward boy. I don't know why you lied. I don't know why you didn't tell me about him and I don't know why you are falling apart. But by the way you are acting; I can't see how this relationship is remotely healthy." I adjusted to face her.

"You wouldn't understand." I said lamely.

"Jesus. If you want an adult relationship, don't spout out teenage clichés." Renee reached out and swept some hair off my face. "Please baby. I want you to tell me everything. Don't hold anything back." I hesitated, biting my lip. "I can't help you unless I know." She sounded so sincere it reminded me of Alice.

So I told her. I closed my eyes, imagined I was talking to Alice, and I gave her every detail of my Edward. I told her about the first day I met him. How he made me cry but I still thought he was incredibly attractive. I told her about my crush on his Uncle, about his parents, the night in the truck, the day in the music room when I broke Edward's heart. I told her about my mental breakdown in the lunch room, and how Edward's voice saved me.

When I told her about the night of my birthday, tears were rolling down her face. I had to take several breaks, this was the most I had spoken since I arrived and it was hurting my throat. I continued, leaving nothing about except the sexual details. I explained the want, the need, and the electricity as best I could.

Then I told her about Tanya and Jessica. How they both screwed with Edward's mind, how they lied, cheated and just generally fucked up his life. I even repeated some of the things Jessica said to me. Her reactions to my story were giving me hope, so I kept right on talking. Edward's voice, his eyes, his nervous habits, the silent conversations he could have with Alice, all of it came spilling out.

She blushed when I relayed the night I finally told Edward I love him, the night I lost my virginity. Once again I left out explicit details, but emphasized how gentle and patient he'd been. I made it clear that Edward never manipulated me, never pushed me. Everything we did was a mutual decision. I even had to convince him to keep going a few times because he didn't want to push it.

I couldn't stop talking about him. My mom never interrupted me, and I took that as a good sign. I thought maybe if she knew how badly Edward and I wanted,  _needed_ , each other she would overrule Charlie.

By the end of our conversation I was empty. I'd spilled my guts about everything regarding Edward. I tried to make her understand the depth of the devotion we had to each other. This was not just a teenage crush. I love Edward with every fiber of my being. He is my other half. He is what makes me happy and no one else could ever compare.

We sat in silence for several minutes while I rested and my mom absorbed everything I shared. I was impatient for her response and decided to take a few timid bites of the half melted ice cream. My stomach welcomed it, but my memories did not. Half melted Rocky Road only reminded me of sitting on top of the Chevelle, wrapped in Edward's arms, worrying that it was going to drip on Em's baby. Renee cleared her throat and I snapped to attention.

"Bells…well…thank you for finally confiding in me." She started slowly. "I honestly don't think this Edward boy is as bad as Charlie makes him out to be." I couldn't suppress the huge grin that formed on my face. Could she possibly overrule Charlie? "However…" She paused for a few seconds. "I don't think this relationship is healthy."

Wait…what?

"Wha…huh?" I was….dumbfounded, and not exactly able to form words.

"I don't think this relationship is healthy." She repeated more firmly. "For either of you. It's not normal for you to feel like you can't live without another person."

"Excuse me?" Renee was my last hope for being with Edward and she was telling me…no?

"You and him….you are just too young to feel this way. Obviously he's been through a lot, emotionally, and so have you. You guys aren't dealing with your issues, just…using each other to feel better. You two are….co-dependent." She wore a proud expression, like she had finally managed to use the word in the correct way.

"What kind of fucking psycho-babble bullshit is that?" I yelled.

"Bella! That language…"

"No! Have you been watching too much fucking Dr. Phil?" All the hope that grew while I talked about Edward was gone. I felt the hole opening again; it felt…more ragged this time. Like I was reliving being pulled away from Edward.

"I am not going to let you speak to me like that. Have you forgotten that I am your mother?"

"Mom…" I wasn't going down without a fight this time.

"No, I need to get this out and you are going to listen." She scrunched her brow, contemplating her next words. "As I said, I don't think Edward is this violent manic that Charlie seems to think he is. If this Jessica is who I think she is, then I knew her mother. Amanda Stanley was a scheming bitch and I'm sure her daughter is just the same. I'm sorry that Edward had to go through that and I'm sorry that your father is a judgmental asshole sometimes. I'm glad that you found some happiness while you were in Forks. I'm glad that you found Alice and Emmett and the others. In a small way...I'm glad you found Edward."

"If you are so  _glad_ , then why the hell can't I see him?"

"I asked you not to interrupt me Bella. I'm glad because….I was waiting for you to go through your rebellious teenage phase. Even before everything that happened with Jake...you were always so…serious. I wanted you to have some fun. Sneaking out, having a few drinks…but…you took it too far. I don't think you ever got over losing Jake, and you just…put all that guilt and frustration into Edward."

"Damnit. This isn't about Jake!"

"Bella you tried to…you cut yourself over Jake! You had a mental breakdown!"

"Does anyone fucking realize that I didn't try to kill myself because I lost Jake, but because I felt like it was my fault? That Billy and all Jake's friends made it their purpose in life to drive me over the edge? Edward was the only one that understood that! You and Charlie didn't give two shits. You just wanted me to be Happy fucking Bella! Edward made me happy,  _without faking it_  and you took him away from me!" My whole body was tensed, my face was flushed. I was fucking pissed.

"You need to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else!"

"So you are telling me that you were happy before Phil? That you were completely content with your life?"

"Yes I was. I had you and we had a perfect life."

"Bullshit! If you were so content with your life without Phil then why are you with him? You were obviously missing something, some sort of companionship or you never would have married him!" Her mouth snapped shut and I knew that I got her.

"That's…that's not the same." She stammered.

"How is it not  _exactly_  the same? I'm not stupid, you hated being alone. You weren't totally happy and content."

"It's not the same because I'm an adult and you are just a teenage girl!"

"Oh that again. That's the best that you guys can come up with? That I'm not allowed to be in love because I'm a teenager?"

"Your father and I were just teenagers and look how that turned out! I changed, I realized that he wasn't my life and I was left as a single mom. Is that what you want?"

"Oh so I was a fucking burden to you! And you left Charlie remember? He didn't abandon you; you got bored and took off!"

"Damnit! No...that's not what I meant. You were never a burden, but the life of a single mom isn't easy Bella! I don't want that life for you! Whether you someday leave Edward or he leaves you. You need to experience life first."

"Experience life? So I can grow up, marry some guy that I love half as much as Edward so he can end up cheating on me with his assistant or some shit? I'll still end up broken and alone. Possibly with more than one kid!"

"No...It's not…you're just too young!" She was flustered. Her plan had backfired, but apparently mine backfired as well. They had no good reason to keep me from Edward. They were scared of losing their little girl and that was it. They obviously didn't want me to make the same mistakes they made, and I understood that, but what Edward and I had would never be a mistake. He was a part of me, and I was a part of him. They were all being irrational, unwilling to see that Edward and I each filled a missing part in the other. Only Carlisle and Esme saw it clearly and they were unable to help me.

"I'll wait. Edward will wait." I wanted her to know that they wouldn't be able to keep us apart forever. Maybe the futility of it would change her mind.

"If you both wait until you are of legal age, I won't be able to stop you. In the mean time, you aren't permitted to talk to or see Edward. I can't see how it would be beneficial right now." Hearing those words…the anger dissipated and the familiar ache returned with a vengeance. There was such finality to it. All my chances were exhausted.

"Mom, please…" Begging was my one last hurrah.

"No." She pursed her lips together and left without another word. I laid back on my pillow, desperately trying to cling to some hope Edward and I were going to have a future together.

Edward would be eighteen in June. I would be eighteen in November.

Nine months. Oh my God,  **nine**  months. All the tears I hadn't been able to shed since I got here finally came rushing out.

How would I ever survive nine months?

**EDWARD**

The ride home from Bella's…no  _Charlie's_  house was fucking unbearable. I almost wished Charlie had just pulled the fucking trigger. Anything would have been better than the emptiness I was feeling. Emmett kept peaking at me out of the corner of his eye, like I was seriously going to bolt while he was doing seventy down the back roads.

I just couldn't fucking believe it. She's gone.

What kind of fucking parents did she have anyway? They just shipped her back and forth when shit became too much for them to handle. They didn't give a fuck about her. They couldn't take care of her the way I could. The way I  _did_.

And what the fuck was going to happen when Jacob's fuckhead father found out she was back? Were they going to torture her again? The image of her curled in the fetal position, scared and alone flashed before my eyes. I'd rather let Charlie fucking shoot me than  _ever_  let her slip into that again.

I'd never forgive Charlie if she…if she….

"FUCK!" I growled as I punched the dashboard of the Jeep then bent my head down and rested it in the same spot.

"Hey man, take it easy on the Jeep." Emmett said gently. "She didn't do anything to you."

"She's going to break Em. She needs me."

"I know…but fuck man, going after Charlie and fucking up my car isn't going to bring her back."

"I…I don't know what to do, Em." I admitted, defeated.

"I don't know either." Em sighed. Em wasn't good with heartbreak. He wasn't familiar with it. My stomach was twisting into a knot. She was most likely already in Phoenix. I was such a fucking douche; if I hadn't spent the night on a destructive drinking binge I might have been able to stop this. I could have found a way to her. I could have drained my bank account, floored the Volvo and put a thousand miles between us and Charlie. We would have at least had a chance.

But I didn't. Because I was a drunk fuck.

I failed when she needed me the most. Maybe I was exactly the person Charlie thought I was. A fucking loser that was just going to screw up Bella's life. My stomach clenched from the pain, tears were fighting to escape but I had no desire to cry in front of Em.

When we made it to the house, Em pulled the Jeep into the garage, and I winced as I caught a glimpse of the back room. The last memory I had of my girl was fucking her in a glorified tool shed. I'd thought it was fucking romantic. What the hell was wrong with me?

Jazz pulled my Volvo next to the Jeep and stuck the keys in his pocket. Alice parked her Porsche outside the garage, blocking my car in. They were worried I was going to take off again. In some sense…they were right to be worried, because if I found a way to my Bella, I'd be off in a heartbeat. I just had no idea how to find her. I was half tempted to just go wandering the entire state of Arizona but with my luck I'd end up baked to a crisp in the fucking Volvo somewhere in the middle of the fucking desert; I could never do that to Bella.

They ushered me into the living room where Carlisle and Esme were waiting. Carlisle was unusually agitated and Esme was obviously distraught, wringing her hands while she paced back and forth. I hated being the cause of anything that upset Esme, the sight of her like this only made me feel more like a loser fuck.

"You are grounded." Carlisle said as soon as he caught sight of me. I shrugged in response. I no longer had a reason to leave the house. "No car." Jazz tossed my keys at Carlisle. This was like a staged intervention. "School and home, that's it. I don't even want to know what you were thinking." He softened after a minute and rested his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry that we weren't able to work this out. I'm sorry that you…lost Bella." His attempt at comfort hit a nerve. I shook his hands off.

"You didn't even fucking try to work it out. Do you even know what's going to happen to her down there? They are going to let her fucking drown. God only knows where her mother will send her if she gets too inconvenient this time. "

"Edward, don't speak to your Uncle like that…" Esme warned.

"No, Esme. Let him get it out. I'll admit this situation could have been handled better, but hindsight is 20/20. I honestly did try and speak with Charlie. I wasn't aware of his intentions to send Bella away. I would have done everything within my power to stop him if I knew. You can hate me and blame me all you want, but it's not going to bring her back." I clenched my fists, infuriated that everyone was so eager to abandon all hope of bringing Bella back to me. This was Bella's mental well being that they were so casually tossing aside.

I bit back the harsh words that were trying to escape and left the room. There were only a few rooms in the house where I felt the connection with Bella. I had already destroyed the music room, so I decided to sulk in my room. I was acting like a petulant child, but did I really give a fuck? No.

Locking my door behind me, I stretched out on my bed, absently fingering the 'B' bracelet still around my wrist. I never took it off, I promised Bella I wouldn't, but I needed…more. I had virtually nothing that belonged to her.

There were pictures, mostly on my cell. I fumbled for my phone and scanned through the pictures, stopping at a few favorites. Me and Bella kissing at the hotel pool, one of her in that sexy skirt, a few of her cooking, and the number one on my favorites list; Bella basking in post-coital glow, wearing nothing but my shirt, legs tucked under her, her lips forming the words 'I love you'.

The picture caused my breath catch. She looked so utterly fucking beautiful, so fragile.

There was a sudden tightening in my chest that caused me to grip the sheets with unnecessary force. This was all I had left, a few fucking pictures and memories that would fade over time. How long until I forgot the feel of her breath on my neck? The sensation of her mouth pressed against mine? The sound of her telling me that she loved me?

How long could I go without feeling her electricity coursing through me?

My estimation was not long. We were both going to reach breaking points, thousands of miles apart from each other. What was going to happen then?

I was already experiencing the desperate need to be…numb. If I couldn't feel Bella I didn't want to feel anything. The thought of being in an uncaring stupor was quite pleasing to me at the moment. It was the coward's way out; an escape that was only going to bring temporary relief and have one hell of a fucking backlash, but it was better than feeling like this.

My body was twitching to search out the alcohol I knew to be hidden around the house. Another benefit of living in a gigantic house, lots of closets and corners that tend to go unused and forgotten.

 _Edward…no_. I heard in Bella's soft pleading voice. Logically, I knew that drinking myself half to death would only cause the memories to fade faster, but the thought of feeling nothing was oh so fucking tempting. Clearly I wasn't man enough, worthy enough to have Bella in my life. The fact that she had been taken so easily from me was proof.

My appetite for self destruction won out over the warning bells in my head. I quietly unlocked my door and slipped down the hall to a rarely used linen closet. Under some ratty blankets and towels laid three gloriously full bottles of booze. Vodka, gin, and rum. My three best friends.

The hushed voices of my family carried up the stairs, I could easily pick out Alice's voice, her tone and cadence as familiar to me as my own. She was speaking rapidly, full of concern. As much as I tried to tune her out, I was unable. As soon as I grabbed the first bottle, she paused, somehow aware that I was crossing a boundary. I continued to gather up the bottles and the sound of her muted sobs hit me.

 _I'm sorry_ , I sent out; to her… and to Bella.  _I'm sorry I'm a weak sorry excuse for a human being._

I snuck back to my room, once again locking the door. I had a moment of clarity when I realized drinking in my bathroom would be the best bet. Less mess to clean up when my body started rejecting the alcohol out of self-preservation. I crawled into the bathtub and set up the bottles along the edge.

I took a deep breath as I opened the bottle of rum and took a sip. The burn felt good, briefly cancelling out the ache. I reclined against the sloping wall of the tub, resting my head on the edge and took another sip.

My eyes came across the toothbrush I bought for Bella. Fuck. I lifted the rum to my lips again, watching as the memory of that weekend played out before me like a movie. My begging for forgiveness because I wouldn't let her suck my dick. I chuckled at that, choking slightly on the rum.

My hands on her hips, lifting her on top of the counter.

Sip.

My fingers sliding inside her.

Sip.

Her splayed out on the bed while I tasted her.

Sip.

The scene changed and my mind went to Friday Harbor. It was like I was watching a slide show of our time together.

_I love you Edward Cullen._

Sip.

_Make love to me._

Sip.

_I_ _will not_ _let anything or anyone fucking take you away from me._

Sip.

_Yeah. It's over, love._

Sip.

Sip…

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I drank for four days straight.

Every time I sobered up enough to feel the emptiness I searched out another bottle.

Every time Bella's melodic voice rang in my ears I took another sip.

Every time a memory flashed in my vision, I tipped the bottle up until I was almost choking.

It was avoidance and self destruction at its finest.

The only reason I didn't end up dying of alcohol poisoning was because of Alice and Jazz. They covered for me, fed me, and kept me reasonably clean. Jazz attempted to take the alcohol from me at some point, and I vaguely remembered taking a drunken swing at him.

I skipped the entire week of school, though Alice informed me that the whole town was talking shit about me and Bella. Between what the neighbors saw the night I went after Charlie and Jessica's big fucking mouth, the rumors were running wild. Let's see; I raped Bella, I beat her, Charlie caught us having sex, I knocked her up and Charlie made her move to a home for unwed mothers, and I tried to shoot Charlie. My personal favorite was the one where Bella and I were running off to get married. I was sure that one was Charlie's favorite as well.

Finally Jazz got sick of covering for my pathetic ass and called for reinforcements in the form of Rose and Em. I was still half drunk when Em came charging into my room and ripping the 'B' bracelet off my wrist.

"Hey, what the fuck!" I slurred loudly. I tried to go after him, but stumbled as I tried to maneuver myself off the couch. "Give that back."

"I'll fucking give it back when you deserve it, asshole. You think this is what Bella would want? You drinking yourself to death?" I fisted my hands in my hair and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Shut up Em." I murmured.

"No. You think you are the only one that misses her you selfish prick? You think the rest of us didn't love her like family?" Em was pacing. It was rare to see him this pissed off and it was rather intimidating. "You think Alice doesn't miss her best friend? You think I don't miss my Jelly Belly?"  _His_  Jelly Belly, as if she wasn't my fucking girl, my fucking  _life_  first and foremost. "Did you know Rose cried?  _Rosalie fucking cried_ , you self-centered asshole."

"Fuck you Emmett. It's not even remotely close to the same thing. You didn't just fucking lose everything! You still have your girl; there is no fucking danger of her being taken away from you. So don't even fucking act like you are experiencing the same shit as me." I stood up slowly, bracing myself against the dizziness and tried to square off against him. "Now give me back that fucking bracelet."

"I'll give it back to you when you earn it. I dare you, try and take it from me." There was a very brief and very weak attempt at a stand-off. Even in my inebriated state I was aware of the fact that Em could fight me off with one hand behind his back right now, and he wouldn't even break a sweat. I relented, returning to the couch. "Rose scoured the entire house and found all your hiding places. It's all gone. You are going to fucking sober up and when you start acting like the Edward Bella fell in love with, I'll give you the fucking bracelet back." He turned and walked out of my room, taking the last connection I had to Bella with him.

And I did nothing to stop him. Because…fuck, I deserved it. I  _was_  a selfish prick, drowning my fear and filling my emptiness with alcohol. No doubt Bella was facing it head on, experiencing every ache alone. I had six people ready and eager to hold my hand though this if I asked them. Bella had no one, only a lousy set of parents who had no idea how to deal with her. They wanted this perfect, smiling daughter and when she didn't fit into their mold, they either forced it on her or gave up on her.

Did they even know that she had to have her feet wrapped in the blanket before she could sleep? Did they know that she liked to hum Beatles songs when she cooked, and that she didn't like brown M&Ms because she thought they were 'lazy'? "They couldn't come up with one more color? It's the same color as the chocolate!" I had to smile as I remember the conversation we had about it as we fed each other M&M's in her bed one night. These were things that only  **I**  knew, because  **I**  loved her, because  **I**  took care of her when no one else could.

She was probably lying in bed; eyes clenched shut, trying to recover our memories, while I was trying to block them. My brain eased out of its fogginess and I let the visions of Bella dance before me.

It hurt, it fucking stung like hell, it caused me to groan and cry like an emo bitch, but I suffered through it because I knew my Bella was doing the same.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alice was glued to my side as I spent the next few days sobering up. She let me be a moody fucking asshole, and did her best to comfort me even though she was dealing with her own loss of Bella. She gathered all the pictures and mementos she had of Bella and set them up around my room. It was for both our benefits really, my room was where we spent most of our time. The music room was far too difficult for me to venture into. The broken stools hadn't been replaced and being there only reminded me that I had chosen to wallow in self pity instead of trying to figure out a way to get her back.

I was still fucking pissed. Pissed at Charlie for not even giving us the chance to explain, pissed at Jessica for being the dirty bitch she was, pissed at my uncle for not just...doing…more. Rose and Em watched me like a hawk, waiting for me to slip back into drunken oblivion. It was very tempting, especially at night when I would reach for Bella only to find pillows and blankets.

I missed her, I needed her. I hated being forced to live without her. I finally returned to school and had to listen to everyone whispering around me. They could say whatever the fuck they wanted about me, but the things they said about my Bella were not helping me control my temper. There were several times I had to be restrained from putting my fist in someone's mouth. Newton was surprisingly quiet, but Yorkie decided to pick up the slack, asking me if Bella's pussy was as tight as he fantasized.

The only thing that prevented me from wrapping my hand around his fucking neck was Jazz angling himself between us. "There aren't any Bellas in jail, dude. At least not ones you'll want to be around." Yorkie's smirk deserved to be wiped off his face, but Jazz was right. I had to be on my best behavior. Charlie was waiting patiently in the sidelines for his chance to prove himself right about me.

Every day was a challenge. All around me were hollow spots, places Bella should have been; her normal parking spot, which people somehow instinctively knew to leave vacant. Her empty chair at the lunch table, the empty half of the lab desk; I stared at them, envisioning that she was still there, gazing up at me with sparkling brown eyes. My whole world was meaningless without her.

Finally after two weeks of so-called "good behavior" Em returned the bracelet. I wore it with pride, feeling somewhat closer to her. It didn't ease the burning ache, in some aspects it made it worse, but it was a piece of her and I wasn't going to risk losing it again.

Jessica was the only person that seemed to have nothing to say, and that made me very nervous. She wasn't intelligent enough to plot and brag simultaneously. I knew, through Alice, that the first week after Bella was taken away she gloated and walked around town beaming. She had once again tricked Charlie. He was so concerned about me manipulating his daughter, he was completely blind to the fact the he was the one being strung and played like a fucking violin.

I didn't have to wait long before that nasty skank whore reared her ugly head again.

I was having a particularly bad fucking morning. All the songs on the radio where ones I'd sung to Bella at some point, I passed Charlie's cruiser on the way to school, and Tyler had the nerve to ask me how far along Bella was. Lunch was no better, someone had broken the unspoken rule and removed Bella's empty chair from the table. I liked having it there, it was proof that she really existed and wasn't some disturbing figment of my imagination.

I was eager to take out my anger on someone but kept it reigned in, barely. The whole "good behavior" thing you know. I was fidgeting in my seat and my family was desperately trying to occupy my mind with other things, but I was one hundred percent focused on the missing chair.

"Edward, go take a fucking walk or something." Rose grumbled. There was a really smartass retort on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back. A walk sounded…reasonable. A chance to clear my head.

"I'll see you guys after school." I said as I stood, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I swung by the pop machine, and as I bent over to pick up my can, a hand slid it's was up my back, tugging lightly on my collar. I straightened up, and a set of fingernails scraped across the back of my neck. I knew those fucking claws anywhere.

Jessica.

I cringed at her touch, and swiveled around to face her. "Get your fucking paw off me." I growled. She dropped her hand, but took a step closer.

"Now that wasn't a very friendly hello." She cocked her head to the side and gave me a lazy smile. She was under the impression that this was sexy; little did she know the expression made her resemble one of those dogs with the wrinkled, droopy faces.

"Listen, I'm not in the mood for your fucking bullshit. Nor will I  _ever_  fucking be in the mood. Leave my family alone, leave me the fuck alone. Go crawl back into whatever herpes infested rat's nest you emerged from." My little outburst shocked her, her jaw dropping slightly. I stepped to the side, trying to move around her but she mimicked my movements.

"You don't really mean those things baby." She stated with an annoying fucking sense of confidence. "You're just a bit touchy about losing your little virgin." She curved her finger around one of my belt loops and tugged my hips towards hers. "I know you miss her now, but I'll make you forget all about her. Just like I made you forget about Tanya." Jess rolled forward onto the balls of her feet as if she meant to kiss me.

This was one time when I fucking wished I was the abusive bastard everyone thought I was, because I really wanted to knock this bitch flat on the ground.

Unfortunately, I wasn't and I couldn't bring myself to hurt her. Not physically anyways. I jerked my body backwards so quickly that the back of my head hit the pop machine. "I said get your fucking dirty paws off me!" My voice echoed through the cafeteria and the entire student body turned to stare.

"Jesus Edward. You're causing a fucking scene." She hissed in a hushed whisper. "Ok, I get it…you want to be all fucking angsty, pining for your precious Bella." Her lips curled when she said Bella's name. "But we both know you're going to get tired of jacking off in your lonely bed and come right back to me. Where you fucking belong. You don't deserve Bella and everyone seems to know that but you. It's kinda fucking pathetic."

Hearing that I didn't deserve Bella,  _from her_ ….I fucking snapped.

"Pathetic!" I roared. "You think  _I'm_  fucking pathetic?" I couldn't help but laugh slightly at the absurdity of what she was saying. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rose and Alice jump to their feet. All eyes were on us, and I saw a few other people pose themselves to run and save Jessica if I started throwing punches. " **You**  are the one that's fucking pathetic! You had to  _drug me_  to get me to fuck you. You think I'd want to stick my dick in that rotted fucking snatch if I was sober?" She instantly recoiled, her bottom lip quivering. I heard a few snickers somewhere in the background. "You couldn't handle that Bella was better than you,  _at everything_. You couldn't handle her being happy, you jealous bitch! You just couldn't be content fucking up  _my_  life; you had to fuck up hers too!"

" Edward…I…"

"No, shut the fuck up. I've had enough of your fucking manipulations. Did you really think that once you got Bella out of the picture, I'd hop into bed with you? I'd rather stick my dick in a fucking blender!"

"Hear, hear!" Somebody shouted and the low rumble of laughter made its way across the room.

"I fucking love Bella. I  _never_  loved you and I  _never_ will. No one is ever going to fucking love you. No one is ever going to see you as anything other than a fucking skeezy crab infested whore, and you fucking know it! You try to drag everyone down to your fucking level. You are a miserable fucking excuse for a fucking human and one hell of a lousy fucking lay." I leaned closer so that only she could hear me. "Bella was a virgin and she had me coming harder and longer than you could on your best fucking day." Tears began to spill over her eyelashes. I felt absolutely no guilt in making her cry. She was the reason I lost Bella. "Go fuck yourself Jessica because I'd rather die than do it."

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but snapped it shut. The crowd was still watching us, and I saw Rose fucking wink at me. Jessica suddenly turned and bolted for the door. Poor girl, she was always ready to dish it out, but never ready to take it. Just as she passed my family, Rose casually stuck out one spiky heeled foot, tripping Jessica. She stumbled for a few steps; arms circling like a windmill trying to regain her balance; her torso getting closer and closer to the floor until finally she went skidding several feet across the tiled floor. Jessica laid there for a good ten seconds unintentionally displaying her nasty habit of not wearing panties under her skirts before she jumped up and pulled her skirt back down to its intended position. The entire cafeteria erupted into laughter. I had to admit, it was pretty fucking humorous. She pushed her way through the now sizable crowd and stumbled out the door.

I leaned my head against the pop machine for a second, my temper easing. I knew Alice was beside me before I saw her.

"You alright?"

"Yeah." I may have gotten my aggression out, for the moment, but it didn't make me feel better. Bella still wasn't here, and raging at Jess did nothing to help bring her back.


	32. Chapter 32

**BELLA**

The days simply passed. The held no enjoyment, just the monotony of a routine I had no choice but to follow. They turned into weeks and eventually a month without me really even noticing. Every minute seemed like forever. I was shocked when I took the time to look at the calendar; a whole month without Edward. The memory of his face was already starting to become fuzzy. The more I tried to recall it, the harder it became. I had to struggle to remember the tiny lines at the corner of his eyes when he smiled and the exact angle of his perfect crooked smile.

I tried several times to scrounge up enough change to call Carlisle's office from a payphone, but there were so many obstacles, I finally just gave up. A girl can only take defeat so many times. I think maybe Charlie had some influence over Carlisle's nitwit secretary because there is no way it takes that damn long to walk two doors down and tell a man he has a phone call. I ran out of money every damn time.

After I used my lunch money for the third day in a row with not even a hello from Carlisle I just…completely gave up. For the time being anyways. I focused my time on the future, and put all my faith in Alice and her plans...and in Edward. She would figure out something and Edward wouldn't rest until she did. Although it really didn't matter except to make the inevitable happen faster, my ass was splitting the day I turned eighteen. I would be on the first plane, bus or train that took me back to Forks. Hell, I'd even ride bitch on a moped if I had to. I didn't care how I got there as long as I got there. Back to my family. Back to the Cullen's. Back to Edward.

My mom and I didn't speak for three days after our little fight. What was the point really? We were at a standstill. We both thought the other was being completely ridiculous and neither of us was giving an inch on our side. I couldn't believe I wasn't even granted one simple phone call. Even Edward got a fucking phone call when Charlie arrested him. I apparently had fewer rights than a prisoner. Which isn't far from the way I felt. I wasn't in chains or anything but I might as well have been. I had no way to get anywhere further than walking distance and no time to even get that far. Renee watched me like a hawk and poor Phil kept tabs, though much more discretely, when she was away.

She broke the silence first, informing me that she heard from some of my old friends and they were eager to see me. I highly doubted this, since after my grand emotional fail over Jacob, most of them treated me like a leper. I was sure she had tracked them down, probably gave them some sob story about how I was too shy to call them myself. I felt that there was probably some sort of bribery involved as well, but I couldn't be certain. A few days after her announcement people I barely remembered started randomly showing up at the house, inviting me to movies, to the mall or to parties. None of which I had any interest in. I politely declined all invites; pissing my mom off royally and, judging by some of the looks I got, relieving some of the do-gooders.

I did the basics of what was asked of me; I went to school, I kept up my grades, and did my chores. I wasn't overly nice, but I wasn't rude. I was just there. Surviving. Like an empty cookie jar, taking up space but nothing good inside, just emptiness.

I kept to myself at school. My new Biology lab partner was some jock kid with a God complex. He was pretty to look at I guess, at least that's what all the other girls babbled about. His burliness reminded me of Em, but that's where the similarities ended. I missed Em, his goofy nature and his ability to pull me out of any funky mood. I missed being called Jelly Belly and how he'd get all big-brother on me if I was in a crabby mood and tease me until I couldn't help but smile. I missed Alice and her bubbly personality. She was my best friend, my 'hetero-life-mate' as Edward and Jazz sometimes referred to each other. I missed having someone to talk to, really talk to, without holding back. Alice knew everything about me and still accepted me without question. And Jazz, all laid back and mellow. Always ready to step up and calm Edward down when I couldn't. Every time I looked in the mirror at my drawn complexion, I instantly thought of a Rose makeup tip. She'd be cranking her neck, scrunching her nose and rushing me to the bedroom if she could see me now. Hmph, if she could see me know. The other day I saw a girl dressed like a skank and I had to consciously subdue the Rose comment floating around in my head so it didn't come flying out of my mouth.

I craved to be around them all. This wasn't just Edward my parents were keeping me away from. It was all of them. They had all given me pieces of themselves. Without them I wasn't Bella. I was just some lonely, broken hearted girl with shitty parents. They didn't understand that a person needs a support system, and I  **had** one. A great one. But they chose to take it away from me  _for my own good_. And now I'm left here, with no support, dangling from a thin rope over the Grand Canyon of parent-fuckery. I just hope the rope holds until November because after that they will have no fucking say in who I chose to have in my life….or who I chose to push out of it.

Even in my zombie state I wasn't at ease. I couldn't even enjoy being numb. I was constantly on alert for any of Jacob's family or friends. I wasn't going to let them get under my skin this time. Nothing they could say or do was going to make me falter from my goal. The only reaction they were going to get from me was a giant 'Fuck You'. Even more proof that Edward was good for me.

Only once did I hear from anyone from the Reservation. I came home from school one day to find a shaggy giant with a goofy smile sitting on the front porch. He had the same beautiful tanned skin as Jacob. I recognized him vaguely but couldn't place a name to him. I took a deep breath and steeled myself to take anything he might sling at me. "Umm…can I help up you?" I asked tentatively.

"Bella? You don't remember me do you?" The boy stood up, towering over me, and smiled.

"No…I'm sorry." Not the words I expected to hear. Not the tone I expected to hear. Friendly even.

"I'm Seth. Leah's little brother?" It took a few seconds of sorting through buried memories to remember the little boy that used to follow Jacob everywhere.

"Holy crow. You've certainly…grown." He used to barely hit my shoulders, now he was almost taller than Jake had been. After the shock of his appearance wore off, fear started to creep in. He seemed nice enough….but what exactly was he doing here? "So…err…what brings you here?"

"Oh…yeah. I guess I should have called or something. I didn't mean to scare you." He lifted his shoulders in a nervous shrug and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I heard that you were back…and I…well I just wanted to apologize…for everything." I wasn't quite sure how to respond. Seth was younger than us, and he'd never been a part of the harassment.

"Seth,  _you_  didn't do anything. And it's all in the past now."

"I still knew what was going on. I should have come sooner. When I heard that you….um…" He faltered, clearly uncomfortable talking about my mental breakdown. "I'm just so sorry, Bella. They were wrong to do those things to you. I never thought it was your fault. It was just…his time I guess." Edward's words from that long ago night rang in my ears.  _It was just his time._  Tears started to form as the flashback and the feelings hit. Seth began to fidget. "Shit. I guess it's still a really sensitive subject. I'm sorry."

"No. It's not that. It's…something else. I've put it all behind me Seth. Jacob is at peace and I've moved on in my life."

"Oh. Well. I'm glad that you're doing better. And…don't worry, they won't be bothering you. I think they've all finally come to terms with it. Plus…after the Elders found what Billy and the others did…well…the Rez wasn't a pretty place for awhile. We all were sent on "inner journeys to find ourselves" and I think some people didn't like what they found. But they've been working on it and it's better now."

"Well. Thank you. I always knew you had nothing to do with it. But thanks anyways." I gave him a small smile.

"Ok then." He walked around me and towards the sidewalk. "Take care Bella. Maybe we can hang out sometime. Give me a call sometime, ok? I left my number on the note I left on your door."

"Yeah. Maybe. Bye Seth." He gave a little wave and I watched him until he was around the corner.  _You'd be so proud of me Edward._ I thought to myself. I handled it better than I thought I would. I knew as soon as he found out I was in Phoenix he'd worry about Jake's friends bothering me. I let out a frustrated sigh and once again fought the urge to just take off and hitchhike back to Forks. It was a never ending battle.

I walked up to the door and stared at the note tucked in the side of the screen door. I took a deep breath and pulled it out to read it.

_Dear Bella,_

_Just wanted to apologize for…well, for you know all the stuff that happened before. Nobody will bother you so just relax and be happy. I know that's what Jake would have wanted for you. If you ever need anything, just let me know. If you want to hang out sometime, just as friends, give me a call._

_Seth_

_555-9653_

It was nice to know I had someone I could call who would somewhat understand…if I had a phone to call, not that I ever would. I probably never would call him but it was nice to know there was the possibility. Seth must be fifteen now….hmmm, maybe I would call him if I had the chance.

At least it would be one person who would sympathize with my near prisoner status. After his sister Leah lit up the town in her teen days poor Seth was under tight lock and key. He wasn't allowed to go out of his mother's sight unless he had a chaperone, Jake was his favorite. I can't believe I didn't recognize him. His face still looked the same but his body looked like it had been on some Miracle Grow diet or something. As I thought back I laughed, Jake did the same thing. It was like one week he was a gangly little boy and the next he transformed into a living sculpture of Adonis. I was happy that I could remember Jake and smile without the heartache. Edward was another story. My heart, my body, my whole being ached for him.

Surprisingly Phil was somewhat sympathetic to the fact that I longed for him. He never went against the rules Renee set for me, like letting me use the computer unsupervised, but he would switch the TV or radio stations if he noticed my pained expression. He would leave me be when my mom wasn't around and would politely tell her to get off my back when she whenever she started pressuring me to be more social. Charlie called almost every other day and if Phil answered mom's cell, he always told Charlie I had no interest in talking to him.

"She doesn't want to talk to you Charlie….I don't know… maybe because you called her a slut."

"Thanks Phil." I said shyly.

"No problem Bella. I'll do what I can to help. I know it's….hard." He responded awkwardly. We developed something of an unspoken agreement. He knew I was miserable and tried to make it easier on me without pissing off Renee. I would respect the position he was in and try to not take my anger out on him. It worked for us.

The nights were the hardest. Every night before I lay down, I checked off another day on my calendar. I had it marked for Edward's birthday and mine. I kept it on prominent display, showing my full intentions. My mom never mentioned it, though every time she entered my room she shook her head at the sight of it. I always dreamt of Edward. Of us being together, our future. After awhile they started to become more like desperate fantasies and less like visualizations of a tangible goal.

I tried to push the doubt and defeat away. I tried to stay focused on the future we talked about: I would go to culinary school and Edward would go to a nearby school for music. I tried to think of every day I dragged myself to school as one step closer to that future. It just seemed like each little step wasn't doing much to dent the distance across the obstacle course between Edward and I. And it only took one little bump in that road to nearly derail that future all together.

I needed a break from all the Renee-activated do-gooders so I went into the bathroom and hid out in the last stall. I just wanted a few minutes of peace to center myself and get focused on why I was subjecting myself to all this high school bullshit; to get back to Edward. I heard two other girls come in and I really didn't care what they were babbling about but something they said caught my attention.

"Ugh, I fucking hate being on my period." One of the girls announced loudly.

"Yes, and every other girl loves being on hers." The other one stated. I was in the middle of rolling my eyes when it hit me. I couldn't remember the last time I had  _my_ period. I hadn't had one yet since I'd been at my mom's house. My knees gave out and I slid down the bathroom wall onto the floor. I held my breath as I pulled out the little planner I kept in my backpack. I counted back the weeks since I'd left Forks.

Roughly eight weeks since that day. Sex in the potting room. No condom. Edward got off twice that day. He pulled out but what if…what if he wasn't fast enough.

"So fucking stupid." I muttered to myself. What the hell had we been thinking? We both knew better. It seemed as though Charlie and Renee's worries were grounded in truth. We did get careless. "Shit." I was beginning to panic. I started to look back on the past few weeks, looking for signs. I felt sick, but I also hadn't been eating regularly. I was tired, but I wasn't getting much sleep. I rested my hand over my abdomen, willing it to give me a freaking clue.

I had no money to buy a pregnancy test. I weighed my options in my head. There was a convenience store a block from my house with very lax security. As much as I hated to do it, I had to find out. I bolted from the bathroom and out of the school. My mind was racing. I was shaking as I slipped unnoticed into the store; grabbing the first test within my reach and sticking it in my bag. I flashed a weak smile at the little old lady that held the door open for me as I left. If she only knew.

When I reached the house, I locked every door and window. Phil and Renee weren't due home for a couple hours, I wasn't even supposed to be home for another hour and a half, but I wasn't taking any chances. I was sure I'd catch hell for skipping the last two hours of the day but right now none of that mattered. I went into the bathroom and set everything up on the counter, reading the directions.  _I wish we were doing this together Edward._ I was still shaking; it was so bad that I ending up peeing all over the damn stick and my hand.

I washed my hands up to my elbows and waited three of the longest minutes of my fucking life. Wringing my hands, pacing, biting my nails, trying not to peek as if that might have some bearing on the results. Finally the alarm went off on the kitchen timer and I peered over at the test.

Positive…no…negative. Shit! The whole indicator window was blue thanks to my lack of aim and I couldn't tell if it was a plus sign or not. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I was terrified and I had no one to confide in. I couldn't call Renee because then everything she said about Edward and I screwing up our futures would be too close to the truth. I desperately needed Alice or Rose. Fuck, even Emmett or Jasper would be helpful. I huddled on the floor a rode out my panic attack. I had no idea what to do.

After almost an hour of crying and confusion, I had a rational thought. There was a free clinic about a ten minute walk away. I remembered volunteering there once for a class project as a freshman. They were completely confidential and I could actually talk to a counselor. I cleaned up the bathroom, hiding the test in the bottom of the trash can in the kitchen. I practically sprinted the whole way. My time was limited and I wasn't sure how long I'd have to wait. I had to make it back home before Renee or she'd issue an ABP out for my ass.

I made it in record time and was glad that it was rather empty and that no one from my volunteering days was there. The receptionist didn't bother asking any questions, just gave me the paperwork and told me to wait until I was called. I filled out the questionnaire as best as I could and fidgeted until a nurse called my name. She took me to a tiny bathroom and handed me a plastic cup.

"Here. Fill it as much as you can, and leave it in the little cabinet. When you are done you can wait in that room." She pointed to an exam room across the hall. "We'll be with you as soon as we can."

"Thank you." I mumbled. I did my thing, the cup was a hell of a lot easier than the stupid stick, and went into the exam room. There were pamphlets everywhere, baby pictures, models, diagrams. I looked at the picture of what a fetus looked like at eight weeks, and once again my hand went to my lower abdomen.

If I was pregnant, there was no way in fucking hell they were going to keep Edward and I apart. He had the right to know, the right to be a father, and they couldn't deny him that. We'd have to put our dreams on hold, but we'd make it. I was sure that Carlisle and Esme would help us. Esme would love to have a baby to fawn over, and Carlisle would make a wonderful grandfather. I could envision the two of them spoiling it rotten.

I smiled to myself as I let the daydream play out. Alice and Rose would go crazy shopping for baby clothes, dragging me from store to store, loading Em and Jazz's arms with bags. Edward would sing to my belly every night, while Em would crack jokes about my size but then not let me carry a bag of groceries just to protect the baby. I relaxed a bit at the thought of us as a happy little family, until my eyes focused on a particular pamphlet on the desk.

_Teenage Pregnancy: A Growing Epidemic_

Fuck. I was forgetting the most important part. Edward and I were only seventeen, still in high school, and thousands of miles apart. Charlie would never let me move back to Forks and Renee sure as hell wasn't going to let Edward move in with us. If my timeline was correct and I was pregnant from that day, and not some other unknown mishap before that, then I would be of legal age around the same time that I had the baby. I could tell the hospital staff that I had a doctor in Washington, and they could contact Carlisle.

I was lost in my thoughts when the nurse came in. "Hello Miss Swan. How are you feeling today?" She gave me a genuine smile as she sat down in the chair across from me.

"I'm ok. A bit nervous." I admitted.

"Well, that's understandable. I'm just going to ask you a few questions alright?" I nodded. "When were you last sexually active?"

"Eight weeks ago….give or take a few days." I stated.

"And you didn't use protection?"

"No ma'am." My head automatically lowered in shame.

"Are you in the habit of not using any form of birth control?"

"No, we just…got…carried away that one time."

"Well Miss Swan, you don't appear to be pregnant, this time. By eight weeks it would definitely be evident in a urine sample if you were." Not pregnant? Not pregnant! _NOT PREGNANT_. "You should consider yourself lucky." Lucky? As crazy as it sounded, I had just lost my one and only bargaining chip. The nurse read my expression and confusion spread across her face. "Unless you wanted to be an unwed teenage mother?"

"No ma'am. I'm just still…in shock over the whole situation." I hoped that sounded like a reasonable response, because in all honestly I was devastated and relieved at the same time.

"Now, your missed period could be explained by many things. Stress, a change in sleep or eating habits, or some other more serious medical issues. I recommend that you see your regular doctor."

"I've been…under a lot of stress…." I trailed off.

"You should make an appointment for a checkup as soon as possible. And I'll trust you'll be more careful in the future?" Ha! I don't really have a choice about that do I?

"I don't think there is any danger of it happening again in the near future." I muttered. She looked as though she was about to inquire further, but I cut her off. "Thank you." I quickly got up and left the clinic.

I was in a daze as I made my way home. Though it had been short lived, my hope that a pregnancy would bring Edward back into my life had ruled my mind. I'd clung to it, allowed myself to fantasize about Edward as a father and us being together. Now it was back to counting down the days and wishing my parents would see the mistakes they were making.

I took me what seemed like forever to get home. Renee's car was in the driveway. I groaned at the thought of having to deal with her. As I walked in, I caught the tail end of a phone conversation. I thought maybe it was the police station but as I listened I changed my mind.

"What are we going to do….well maybe we should just…fine….we'll discuss it later." Charlie. She closed her cell as she saw me walk in. "Bella, you're home late. Out with some friends?" She smiled hopefully.

"No. I went for a walk. Was that Charlie?"

"No…it was a co-worker at my school. Just discussing some student issues…." She studied my face for a minute. "Is there anything you want to talk about? You know I'm always here for you." I snorted. What was with this "oh so happy to see you" routine and where was the "where the hell have you been, I told you home and school unless I know who you're with" lecture I was sure would be waiting for me?

"Yeah. Ok. You're here for me as long as what I have to say goes along with  _your_  idea of what's right."

"I'm not going to fight with you Bella."

"Good. I'm not going to fight with you either." I turned and went to my room. Closing the door on my mother's attempts at more mother daughter time. I lay down, staring at my ceiling. I wondered if I should tell Renee I  _was_  pregnant, just so I could have a smidgen of a chance of talking to Edward. No, Charlie would probably murder him on site.

I started feeling the disappointment of not knowing the child I'd imagined. I'd envisioned a little girl with brown curls and Edward's intense eyes. Or possibly a little boy with Edward's messy locks and my deep brown eyes.  _Someday_ , I thought.

The next few days passed with even more strained silence between me and my mom. I was so wrapped up in my conflicting thoughts on the whole pregnancy thing I didn't even worry about her finding the test.

There was a timid knock on my door late one night. "Bella?"

"I'm sleeping mom. I have to go to school tomorrow, remember?"

"Well…I need to talk to you."

"Later." I heard her mumble some profanities through the door and she pushed my door open.

"No. Now." She sat down in the chair next to my desk and I pulled myself up and leaned against my headboard. She just sat there, staring at me with watery eyes.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"Oh Bella. I'm not going to judge you. You have options. I'll stand by you no matter what."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I found the test Bella. I can't say that I'm happy…but you're my daughter and I love you. We'll get through this. Charlie was…pretty upset, but he loves you too. We can all make the decision together."

"Charlie! You told Charlie?" My mind went to one thing. Edward. "Charlie is going to fucking kill Edward! How could you tell him? Did you even think to come ask me?" She was a little taken back by my sudden outburst.

"You haven't exactly been approachable lately. It doesn't matter, what matters now is that we take care of this…."

"Take care of it! In what way exactly were you planning on 'taking care of it'?"

"We don't need to discuss this now; I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to hide it anymore."

"I'm not fucking pregnant!" I screamed. "And even if I had been, it would have been  _welcome_. And the only people who would be making any kind of decision about it would be me and Edward. I wouldn't have let you, or Charlie, or anyone else 'take care of it'."

"Welcome? Were you and Edward  _trying_  to get pregnant?"

"No we weren't  _trying_ , but if I had been pregnant we would have wanted it, and loved it."

"Bella…." She started, but seemed to change her train of thought. "So, you aren't pregnant? But the test looked…."

"No, the test was messed up and I would appreciate it if you would inform Charlie of that before I end up with another dead boyfriend." She cringed at my words.

"Yes, of course. I'll let him know. I'm sorry honey, if that even means anything to you anymore. I think this proves our point though. You and Edward are just not ready for this type of relationship."

"Mom, Edward and I  _will_  be together, whether you and Charlie like it or not. If I have to wait until November, I will. I do love you mom, and I would hate to lose you because of who I chose to spend my life with, but I'll gladly give up everything for him." I scooted back down and rolled away from my mother. "Are we done, because I have school tomorrow." Renee was fighting back tears; that much I could tell. I regretted the harshness of what I said, but it was the truth. My parents were only trying to do what they thought was best for me, but they were clueless. They didn't even consider that maybe I knew what was best for me. Renee eventually left my room, and I was once again left alone with my thoughts. My visions of cute babies, romantic weddings, and Edward singing.

I started to genuinely worry about Edward. I couldn't even imagine what Charlie's reaction to my supposed pregnancy would be. Did Charlie tell him? Was Edward lying in bed right now having the same dreams I was? Had he confided in Alice yet?

"Fuck!" I cried into my pillow. If I could just talk to him for thirty seconds. To warn him about Charlie. To assure I'm that I'm ok and not pregnant. To say;  _Come find me, I love you._

The tension between my mom and I was so thick you could cut it with a knife. She was thankful I hadn't fucked up my life, but devastated that I told her I'd chose Edward over her. Phil finally couldn't take it anymore and ambushed me after school the following Friday.

"Damnit Bella, you really hurt your mom's feelings! How could you say that to her! You are being a selfish brat." My jaw dropped. It wasn't like Phil to be confrontational. He stood there, arms crossed, foot tapping, waiting for my defense. I didn't have one.

"I know." I admitted softly. "But….it's the truth. I never wanted to hurt her, but I would choose a happy life with Edward and his family over a miserable life pretending. They won't even let me call him. One simple conversation isn't going to hurt anything! We had plans, real plans of college and a life. They refuse to see that their mistakes aren't going to be ours! Even if, and that it's a big if, Edward and I didn't stay together in the end, what is the harm of letting us find that out for ourselves? He isn't the person they think he is."

"I've tried explaining that to them, Bells. I really tried. I know you hate it here. But please stop taking it out on your mom. You've only got a few more months and then you'll be free to do what you want."

"I'm sorry you're getting stuck in the middle. I'll try to be…less of a bitch…I guess."

"That's all I'm asking for. Your mom really is trying her best." I did try to ease my bitchiness. I didn't outright apologize to my mom, but I kept my smartass remarks to myself, I even helped her fix dinner a time or two. Sorta. It was more of a saving of the dinner. If my mom and I ever mended this rift between us, I was definitely giving her some much needed cooking lessons.

I dreaded the weekends most of all, it was the stretch of time that was a constant reminder. After dinner on Friday, I agreed to have a movie with Phil and mom. It was Phil's turn and he chose  _Pulp Fiction_  of all things. One of Emmett's favorites. It brought back memories of him, Edward and Jazz reenacting various scenes during lunch period. Alice and Rose even taught me the dance one day after school. I excused myself halfway through the movie, and huddled under the covers until morning. I just kept picturing Emmett and his goofy grin, bad jokes and the silly way he was always hauling me around on his shoulders.

Saturday turned out to be another lonely day. Phil had a double header and Renee stayed at the ballpark for the whole thing. On one hand, it was nice not having to put on a show for them, but it also meant I had no distractions. I had no phone and I still hadn't figured out the password for the computer. The neighbors all had eagle eyes out for Renee so that if I went anywhere they'd call her. The lack of options focused all my attention on what I was missing. All day I was faced with Edward reminders. The TV, the radio, I even saw a Volvo drive down my street.

I just decided to give up for the day, slipping on one of Edward's shirts and crawling into bed with some chamomile tea. At least when I was asleep I could be with Edward in some form. I was almost down for the count when some asshole started pounding on my door. I had no interest to talking to anyone close enough to be at the door. I assumed it was one of Renee's do-gooders sent to check on me. I let them knock, hoping they'd get the hint.

They didn't. Whoever it was just kept pounding away. I was starting to get pissed; I just wanted to be left alone. With a frustrated growl, I threw back my covers and stomped to the door, with the intention of giving the person as serious fucking tongue lashing. I didn't even care I wasn't wearing any shorts. Maybe the rude ass pounding on my door would get a big eyeful of duckie underwear as their big "fuck off" as I slammed the door in their face. I flung open the front door, a long string of profanities on the tip of my tongue, when my whole fucking world froze. My ears knew him before my gaze ever left the floor.

"Bella." I instantly recognized the familiar velvety voice.

**EDWARD**

The whole fucking school was talking about my incident with Jessica. I guess it was to be expected. I gave her a verbal bitch-slap right in the middle of the cafeteria. Most people thought it was hilarious and told me the bitch got what she deserved. I tended to agree with them. Some avoided me even more than they did before, not that I cared. Jessica didn't show her face at school for a week. It was a nice little vacation from her although I don't think I'll need to worry about any more advances from her.

Unfortunately my little tirade at Jessica's expense did nothing to improve my disposition. I was miserable and didn't even attempt to hide it. I was snapping at everyone and everything. I even cussed out the ice machine on the refrigerator for giving me cubes instead of crushed. After that I couldn't even stand myself. I walked over to Esme who was standing wide eyed and looking repulsed by the kitchen counter. She'd come in, once again, to try and talk to me or give me some sort comfort. I gave her a quick hug and apologized for my shitty attitude and rather flowery display of modern profanities in her presence. I couldn't bear seeing her stressed and upset, especially when she was only trying to help me, and wouldn't dream of disrespecting her.

Carlisle was another story. He left me alone for weeks, giving me space. I knew it was fucking stupid to place blame on him, but I was angry and needed someone besides Jessica to be pissed at.

He waited a little over a month until he approached me. During that time, I kept to myself at school and pretty much made a hermit look like a social fucking butterfly at home. I was still fucking grounded for trying to attack Charlie, so I had no car, no Jazz, and being in the music room only made me feel like shit. Bella's guitar sat in the corner, collecting dust, constantly reminding me that she wasn't around.

"Edward? Can I speak to you for a moment?" Carlisle asked as he knocked on my open bedroom door. I just shrugged; he was going to talk whether I listened or not so an answer really wasn't necessary. He walked in and made himself comfortable on my couch, although he looked anything but comfortable. "I just wanted to tell you….we've decided your punishment is over."

"Oh, ok…thanks."

"Also…I know that you are still upset with me, but I think you should know….I have tried talking to Charlie. I've practically begged him to just let me call Bella, but he won't give me any of her information." Shit…

"Oh...well…thanks for trying to help." I muttered. "I'm sorry….for…everything."

"I know…I'm sure it's not going to happen again. Correct?"

"Yeah…." I nodded. It wouldn't fucking do me any good anyway. It wouldn't bring Bella back to me. Carlisle was still on the couch. He was fidgeting with the cuff of his shirt, his typical avoidance behavior. "Is there something else?"

"Well, yes there is. Esme and I have been talking and we….have also decided that once Bella is eighteen….if there still is a relationship between the two of you, we would be happy to let her live here until the both of you graduate." Wait…what?

"Are you fucking serious?" I had to restrain myself from doing an Alice Happy Dance.

"Yes. There will be rules of course, but I… _we_...can't see how all of this heartache and separation is helping either one of you. But…understand November is a long time from now. A lot of things can happen and many things can change when you're young."

"Nothing is going to change. I'm not going to stop loving her, ever."

"Well…let's hope it all works out." Carlisle flashed a weak smile and left. I guess he had his doubts. This was….good news right? I only had to survive until November then I could have my Bella again. I could fucking have her without hiding and we wouldn't fucking ever be separated again. The only question was...were we going to make it that fucking long without breaking?

I tried to convince myself that as the time passed, waiting would get easier. Every day I waited was one day closer to November, right? I was dead fucking wrong. It only made things worse. I was losing our memories. The last thing I did at night was look at her picture. I tortured myself by listening to the first song I ever sang to her but I never fucking played it; I had no passion for music anymore.

Alice took the loss of Bella a lot harder than anyone thought, and once I stopped being a selfish prick, I did my best to comfort her.

"I've tried everything I could think of to find her. Bella never mentioned her step-dad's last name; I just don't know what to do. I even tried searching for marriage records, but apparently they didn't get married in Phoenix, and I have no idea where else to look." She cried one night. She fucking hated not being able to fix this, and I hated that I was too fucking messed up to be a real brother and support her like I should have.

I was like a fucking zombie. I went through the motions of day to day life, but mentally, I was never really there. I was always lost in my own little reality with my Bella. Even after almost two months, I still fucking needed her. I still craved for her touch.

I was starting to get fidgety cramped in the house, irritating the fuck out of everyone. I had to get out of there before I lost my damn mind. I decided to go to the meadow where I poured my heart out to Bella. I hadn't been there since that day but I wanted to feel closer to Bella. It was one place that held memories of us without distractions. I was climbing into the Volvo when I heard screeching tires behind me. I whipped around and saw Charlie's fucking cruiser slamming into park. I was not in the mood to fucking deal with his shit.

I assumed a crossed arm, crossed ankle, lean back on the trunk, Fuck you AND your squad car position as he made his way over.

"You….you rotten bastard!" He yelled, his finger shaking as he jabbed me in the chest. I struggled to keep my temper in check. "You are a no good sonofabitch!"

"So I've heard. Why the fuck are you here Charlie?"

"You ruined Bella's life!" Charlie was practically foaming at the mouth. I wondered if he was drunk but I didn't smell any alcohol on his breath. He certainly was fucking close enough for me to smell it if he had.

"Yeah, I've heard that too. Is that all you came here for? To remind me how much you fucking hate me?"

"You messed up any chance Bella has for a real future. This was why I sent her to Phoenix. To prevent this from happening!" My stomach tightened. What happened to my Bella?

"What happened? What the fuck are you talking about? What's wrong with Bella?" I demanded.

"She's PREGNANT you asshole!" Charlie screamed. If Charlie had punched me in the stomach, it probably would have been less of a shock. Pregnant?

"W-wha…huh?" My brain shut down…fuck...my whole body shut down. I collapsed to the ground; my back against the Volvo.

"Bella is pregnant." He whispered, like it caused him serious pain to say the words. "She's never going to have the life she deserves, because of you." His eyes were watery as he squeezed the last word out through clenched teeth.

My brain started to process the words but they didn't make sense. Pregnant? With a baby? Fuck, of course with a baby. My baby.

"I…I'm…sorry…" An apology was the only thing I could think of to say. It wasn't really directed at Charlie, I was sending it out to Bella. Hoping and praying that she somehow heard me.

"You are going to stay the hell away from her. I know all about your plans for after she turns eighteen. I'm not going to let it happen. You are going to let her salvage what chances she has left. If you try to see her or contact her in ANY way before she's eighteen, I will do EVERYTHING in my power and use every influence I have as an officer of the law to make sure you spend most of that child's lifetime locked up."

"Deserves a father…" I mumbled weakly.

"You are NOT a father. You are some jerk that knocked up my daughter. You don't know the first thing about being a decent human being let alone a Father."

"I'd be a better father than you." He was starting to really piss me off now. Now he wasn't just trying to keep me from my love but from my child now too.

"Don't push it with me, kid. You're damn lucky you aren't in jail right now…or worse." He added that last part with a clearly threatening tone. I probably could have come up with a fairly witty comeback, but my mind was focused one thing.

Bella was pregnant.

I was barely aware that Charlie stormed off and sped down the driveway, disappearing through the trees. I was fucking numb. Fuck that day in the potting room. How could I have been so fucking stupid? Bella trusted me to take care of her, and I fucked it up by being a greedy horny bastard. She was probably scared and alone, her fucking parents giving her shit. Telling her "I told you so." We had just given them all the more reason to keep us apart.

"Edward…..Edward, what the fuck man, what's going on? I just saw Charlie drive away…..EDWARD!" Em was standing above me. I hadn't even notice him come outside. He was checking me out like I was on fucking fire or something. Probably looking for bullet holes.

"Em…." I managed to get out. My voice sounded off, strangled.

"What dude, what happened?"

"Bella…" My mouth couldn't fucking keep up with my brain.

"God damn it Edward, if you don't tell me what happened to Bella I'm gonna punch you straight in the dick. Now tell me!" He sounded scared, and that was a rare thing coming from Em.

"She's….Charlie said she's pregnant." I could barely make my lips say the words.

There was a brief silence as what I announced washed over him. "WHAT? She's pregnant, how the fuck…well, I know  _how_  but I thought you guys used protection. I fucking told you, dude…."

"Shut up Em…" My eyes finally focused and I was greeted with Em's dick hanging in my face. "…and cover up, man. If I wanted to be fucking eye to eye with a fucking snake a trouser snake isn't the kind I'd chose. Why the fuck are you naked?"

"I just got out of the shower when I heard Charlie squeal away." He explained, sounding slightly offended. He took a few steps back and turned sideways. The gravel was starting to cut into my legs, so I pulled myself up and onto my feet. I don't know how I managed to start walking; my limbs didn't feel like they belonged to me. Em was still waiting for some sort of explanation as he followed me back into the house.

"We did use protection, except once….right before she left, in the potting room."

"In the fucking potting room? Awww, gross, that's why it was such a fucking mess? Well what the fuck are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know, Em. This kinda changes everything. I'm not waiting until November to see her, I can fucking promise you that. But how the hell am I going to find her?" Em just shrugged and went up stairs to put clothes on, thank fucking God. The underside of his dick was one place I never thought I'd see, and never wanted to see again.

Once I was left alone with my thoughts, it full on hit me. I was going to be a fucking father. Was I going to be a good father? Was I going to be patient and kind like Carlisle? Or tough but loving father like mine had been? I surely wasn't going to be a fucking prick like Charlie.

I suddenly missed my own father. This was one time when a son needs his fucking dad. Granted, I had Carlisle, but as much as I loved him, it wasn't the same. I went into the living room and pulled out one of Esme's photo albums. I just wanted to see my dad. I wanted to see what a dad was supposed to be like, because I was fucking clueless.

After awhile Em joined me, and his goofy jokes about how our parents use to dress kept me from completely fucking freaking out. Until I came across the pictures of my parents with me and Alice when we were infants. Emotional fucking overload. Was my child going to miss out on having both its parents too? I struggled to keep from shedding tears in front of Em, even though I knew this would probably be one time he wouldn't mock me for it. In fact, I thought I saw him tear up a couple times.

I didn't register that Alice walked in until she spoke. "What the hell happened?"

"You better come sit down Alice, we'll fill you in." Em said. Her eyebrows bunched in confusion as she sat down next to me on the couch.  _What's wrong Edward?_  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Em decided to take control. "Charlie came over today with some news about Bella."

"Is she ok? Oh my God, Edward, is she ok?" She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. Her voice was panicked.

"She's fine, Alice. At least I think she is." I honestly wasn't sure. She had to be scared shitless and God only knows what kind of physical things she was going through.

"What is it then?"

"She's…pregnant." I choked out.

"Oh. My. God. Edward." She froze as she let this new information sink in. "That's Awesome!" She suddenly yelled, causing me and Em both to do a double take.

"What? Awesome? Did you have a little crack with your Wheaties this morning? What the fuck, Alice? How is that awesome? Their whole future will be affected. I'm not saying it's horrible, it's just not  _awesome_." Em blurted out. The look on his face was priceless. If I hadn't been completely mindfucked, I would have laughed.

"I know that…" She rolled her eyes as she spoke. "…But now they can be together. How can Charlie keep the father of the baby out of Bella's life? Oh…" The smile fell off her face. "You don't think Charlie and her mom will try to make her have an abortion, do you?" she said in a small voice.

"I don't know what they'll do, Alice, but I've got to go get her. I can't wait any more. I'm leaving by the weekend whether I know where the hell I'm going or not. I'll just wander around fucking Phoenix until I find her if I have to." I couldn't put this off anymore. Bella fucking needed me and this shit had gone on long enough.

"That'll work, dumbass. The kid will be five years old before you find them. You can take him…or her…to their first day of kindergarten. You're only giving us two days to figure this all out but maybe Rose can get some info out of the office that will help you."

"All right, but I'm leaving Friday after school….no matter what." I wasn't going to be delayed any longer. I'd let other people rule my life long enough. I was calling the shots now.

I left Alice and Em on the couch and ran to my room. I grabbed my duffel bags from the closet and just started throwing clothes in. I was fucking done with this shit. I wasn't going to let anyone dictate me and Bella's relationship anymore. I wasn't going to let anyone take my fucking child away from me.

I had one full bag packed before Alice came in. She made no move to stop me, just watched. I was still flinging shit around my room when she screamed silently. _EDWARD!_

Her voice ringing in my head froze me. She walked over and laid a hand on my arm, pleading with me to listen to her. "Edward, just…just calm down for a minute."

"No, I'm done fucking calming down and waiting. She's pregnant, Alice! With  _my_  baby. I refuse to let her go through that alone."

"I'm not asking you to make her do this alone; I'm just asking you to wait a second! This is something that needs to be planned out. You aren't going to take that away from me are you?" She gave me her sweetest, and most evil, little smile. I groaned inwardly, fucking shit; I can't resist my sister when she does that.

"You have until Friday. I'm leaving as soon as the fucking final bell rings."

"That's fine. I'll get you to Bella, I promise. I'm not missing out on the chance of having a little niece or nephew."  _Love ya Little Bro_.

 _Love ya two Ally._  I gave her a small grin and allowed her to help me pack. By the time we finished, hours later, I had packed almost all my most important possessions and half my clothes.

"How long do you plan on being gone?"

"I don't know Alice. I'm not leaving Arizona without her, and I know we can't fucking come back here."

"Oh…Charlie will hunt you down."

"I know."

"Maybe Grammy and Pop Pop will let you hide out with them in Chicago."

"Maybe….she's going to need a doctor though…." Shit…now that I actually started thinking about this, I didn't fucking know how I was going to pull it off. It's not like we could just fucking disappear. There would be doctors needed for her, for the baby. We'd need to have a decent place. I wouldn't have Bella or our baby living in a shit hole; which meant a job for me. My savings would only take us so far, if I could even access it without Charlie finding us. What the fuck am I going to do to support a family?

"We'll work it out." She reassured me. She must have been reading my mind.

The next few days were fucking torture. Alice planned her little heart out. Thankfully, I had my own bank account that Carlisle and Esme didn't have access too. I couldn't withdraw from the Branch in Forks; Mrs. Stanley would be calling Charlie, running her fucking mouth, before I even made it out the door. I drove out to the branch in Port Angeles and drained it. It was a decent amount, but not enough. I needed more.

I knew what I had to do. I had six guitars what were all worthy a pretty penny. I rang up my friend Jesse and gave him a brief explanation.

"Shit dude, this girl must be pretty damn important."

"You have no fucking idea."

"I don't like doing it, but…I'll buy them back. I'm not going to sell them though. I keep them around for you. Just in case." I thanked Jesse and reluctantly handed over my most prized possessions. I only kept Bella's guitar, that was one I just couldn't fucking part with.

Thursday night, we all met in my room. Rose had somehow wormed her way into the principal's office and gotten Bella's previous address. Alice had a full cover story planned. Em had purchased about two hundred dollars worth of gas cards for me, and Jazz swiped his parent's GPS system.

Alice must have made us go over her plan a dozen times before she was satisfied. Jazz was going to drive the Volvo to his house and park it. I'd take Em's Jeep, the gas cards and the GPS to Phoenix. I didn't like this idea at first, but Em wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Em…I don't know when, or if, we're coming back."

"It's ok man. The Chevelle needs some lovin' anyway. She's tired of sitting in the garage."

"I can't just take you car…"

"Fuck Edward. It's for Jelly Belly. I'd do anything for her. Plus, your Volvo would never make it in the desert and Charlie probably  _already_  has the Arizona highway patrol looking out for it, just in case." I couldn't thank them all enough. They were all putting themselves in deep shit helping me do this. I would fucking owe them big time, forever.

Friday went slow as shit. I was on edge all fucking day. Thankfully no one questioned my bad attitude, because I didn't know how well I could lie at this point. Finally, the last bell rang, and we all traveled to the house to set the plan in motion.

I was to go home, park the Volvo with the keys in the ignition and pack all my shit in the Jeep. Esme and Carlisle weren't due home for a couple hours and Alice was going to tell them I was crashing at Jazz's. They most likely wouldn't expect me home all weekend. It was roughly a twenty-four hour drive to Phoenix. That would give me enough time to find Bella and convince her to leave with me before anyone knew to look for us. Then we would drive to Chicago and beg my grandparents to let us crash there until we figured something else out. Alice was still working on that part.

We loaded up the Jeep in record time, and we stood awkwardly in the driveway. We all realized it was time for the goodbyes but nobody wanted to be the first to say it. None of us knew when I'd fucking see them again. Rose broke the silence first.

"Well, Edward…good luck, and take care of our Bella…and the baby, ok? And don't worry about baby clothes, I've got you covered." She patted me on the shoulder and moved to the side, clearly a gesture to prompt someone else to take their turn. I thought for a second she had tears in her eyes. Jazz's goodbye was next, we did our little man-handshake-hug thing. We could communicate so many things that way that never made it into words but we both understood perfectly.

"Take care, man."

"I will." Jazz moved aside and stood next to Rose. He put his arm around his sister's shoulders and she leaned into him ever so slightly.

"Alright Edward. You better treat my Jelly Belly like a fucking princess. Buy her pregnant ass all the pickles and ice cream she can eat. And as soon as she's eighteen you better bring her ass back here because I am not going to fucking let that kid grow up without its crazy Uncle Em." I had to laugh at that one. It certainly would be cruel to deny my child the pleasure of having an Uncle Emmett.

"Sure fucking thing." I said as Em and I hugged.

My goodbye with Alice was the hardest fucking goodbye ever, save for Bella's. The tears were streaming down her face as she threw her arms around me.

"Edward. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, Alice." I said as I hugged her back. Since birth, Alice and I had never been separated for more than a week. I knew being without my twin was going to fucking kill me. She was the only thing that rivaled Bella in my life.

"Be safe. Take care of Bella. Tell her we love her and miss her. We will see you ALL soon, ok." She grasped me tighter, then released me and took a step back. "Before I forget….I found this is for you. You might need it." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box. I knew what it was instantly.

"Alice…"

"No Edward. Just take it. It was meant for her." She shoved it in my hand, closing my fingers around it. I didn't know how to respond; so I pulled her in for another hug, kissing her lightly on the forehead. She wiped away her tears and folded herself into Jazz's arms.

"Well….goodbye. I'll call you as soon as I'm with Bella." I hopped into the Jeep and gave one final wave before taking off. I took one quick glance back in the rear-view mirror and saw the girls curled into the chests of the guys. I said a little prayer for them all to take care of each other and focused my eyes on the road ahead. As I reached the town line, I felt my heart lift in a way that it hadn't in fucking weeks.

I was going fucking get my Bella back.

I drove like I was fucking qualifying for the NASCAR circuit. Em had a radar detector in his Jeep and I took full advantage of it. The speedometer rarely dropped below ninety. I was bobbing and weaving through traffic like they were standing still. The thought of Bella being back in my arms motivated me. I drove all fucking night, only stopping every few rest stops just long enough to piss and get more coffee.

I planned everything out in my head as I drove, the chilly night air gave me a clear head. I didn't know how much time I would have. Fuck...I didn't even know if Bella would be alone when I got there. I knew, with every fiber of my fucking being, that Bella would leave with me if I asked her to. She loves me just as much as I love her.

It wouldn't be easy but we would be together, that's all that really mattered. We would raise our child  _together_. I wasn't going to be some lame ass absent father. And I wasn't going to let Charlie fill my kid's head full of bullshit so he/she wouldn't want to be with me whenever she/he got the chance to do it. If I had my way, my kid would never fucking see Charlie. Carlisle and Esme would be its only grandparents as far as I was concerned.

I tried to envision Bella pregnant; glowing with her huge belly showing everyone how much we love each other, a smile on her face, my baby growing inside her. I could sing to her and the baby every night. No matter the sex, it would have a love for music. I'd teach him or her to play the piano and the guitar. With Alice and Rose as aunts, it would be the most stylish kid ever. I couldn't decide what I wanted more, a little daddy's girl, or a little boy to be my buddy.

I was happy about being a father. Most high school boys would fucking freak and split, just as Charlie assumed I would. Even fucking grown men split. I wouldn't. I would never leave my kid.

Alice texted me and assured me that Carlisle and Esme believed I was at Jazz's house. They were just happy I wasn't sulking around the house anymore. I fantasized and planned more. I wasn't fucking stupid, I knew a kid was going to make our lives difficult, but I knew once Carlisle was aware there was a child involved, he'd bust his ass to help us. Esme too. We just had to stay out of Charlie's reach until Bella was eighteen, then we could go home and raise our baby. We could still live our dreams; they would just be on hold for a while and have to take place a lot closer to Forks than I planned. We would definitely need all of my family to get through college with a child. I knew Emmett was good for babysitting; we'd probably have to schedule time with him so  _we_  could have some baby time.

By the time I reached Arizona I was wired, nervous, and exhausted. I was still hours away from Bella. My body was begging for rest, but I wouldn't stop until I was with my girl. When I reached the Phoenix city limits, I had been awake for two days. I wanted to be somewhat presentable, in case Bella's mom and step-dad were there. I stopped at a little run-down hooker motel and changed my clothes, washed my face. It was pretty fucking gross and I'd never even put my shoes on the bed but it had cheap hourly rates and they didn't require a credit card. I finished cleaning up and ran over to a convenience store to grab more coffee and some snacks. My fucking stomach was growling so I had to do something to shut it up. A couple Twinkies, some Combos and a hard as fuck breakfast sandwich later I was on my way again.

Even with the GPS I got lost trying to find her house. I wasn't used to these little cookie-cutter houses all in a row. How the fuck did these people give directions to their house? "Oh I'm the 147th tan ranch with hunter green shutters, not the forest green ones but the hunter green ones." It didn't help that I was fucking anxious as hell. I didn't know what I was going to be walking into. Would Renee call the cops? Would her step-dad try to beat my ass?

I finally fucking found her house. The little ranch house looked empty, and my heart dropped. I chuckled a little when I saw the hunter green shutters, fucking figures. I checked the address again and it was the right place. I decided to suck it up and just knock on the door. What's the worst that could happen? I ran my fingers though my hair and got out of the Jeep. I was shaking from both exhaustion and nerves; and the caffeine buzz from the zillion cups of coffee since I left Forks probably didn't help either. I dragged my ass up the sidewalk and to the door. After taking a few deep breathes to steady myself, I knocked on the door.

Nothing.

I knocked again, a little louder.

Nothing. It would be just my fucking luck to spend twenty four hours driving and her not fucking be here. I started to panic a bit. Would they have fucking sent her away somewhere? I pounded on the door this time, if anyone was alive in this house they were answering this fucking door and telling me where Bella was. I wasn't going to fucking give up. I'd sit in the Jeep all fucking night if I had too.

I pounded on the door like a fucking cave man. Then I started to feel it. A familiar pull. A familiar charge ran through my body. I raised my hand to knock again, when the door swung open. There she was, my fucking girl, my heart and soul, my fucking reason for being; standing right in front of me wearing one of my shirts. I gripped the doorframe to keep from collapsing. I couldn't fucking breathe.

"Bella." I whispered. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Bella." I said again.

"Edward?" She choked out. There was a brief awkward pause, and then it was like the whole fucking world snapped into place.

We rushed to each other at the same time, the air crackling with our electricity. She was in my fucking arms at last. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist. There were no fucking words good enough to express what I was feeling. What  _we_  were fucking feeling. It was like waking up after a fucking coma. Her electric current was running through my veins and I almost fucking started crying.

We were fucking whole. Two halves of the same soul rejoined. Our hands were everywhere. Hair, arms, backs, necks. It was a fucking tangled mess, but it was  _our_ tangled mess. I carried her in the house, blindly, and slammed the door shut with my foot. The first thing I ran into was the couch and I dropped to my knees, Bella landing with a soft thud on the cushion. Her legs were still wrapped around me.

"Bella." I murmured into her neck.

"Edward." It felt so fucking good to hear her say my name. My name never sounded as sweet coming from anyone else. My name was only meant for her lips and if I never heard anyone else say it, it wouldn't matter. I met her eyes, her gorgeous brown fucking sparkling eyes.  _I need you_  they said.  _I love you_.

We simultaneously took a sharp breath and this weird frenzy started as I pressed my lips to hers. She dug her nails into my back, pulling me as close as humanly possible. I welcomed it. I relished the sweet taste of her lips, her warm skin under my fingers. We were grasping and clawing at each other. My hands traveled on their own, going on instinct to the spots they loved to touch. My mind couldn't keep up; I just fucking let go and let my body take over.

I was tugging her shirt off as she was unzipping my pants. Her panties were on ground before I even realized I had taken them off. I slipped my fingers inside her and it was fucking wonderful.

Bella threw her head back against the couch and moaned. God I fucking missed the sound of her moans. As I pumped my fingers, she snaked her hand around to my back pocket and fumbled around until she pulled out my wallet. If I hadn't been so engrossed with the sight and sensation of my hand between her legs, I might have questioned her actions. After several attempts, she got out the condom I never had the heart to take out of my wallet.

She pushed my pants and boxers down with her feet and rolled the condom onto me. She managed to do it all in on fluid motion. I don't ever remember my girl being that fucking graceful, but it was like both of us were moving without thinking. It was fucking natural; automatic.

I removed my fingers and pressed my dick against her. "I love you." I gasped.

"I love you too." She moaned. I slid into her, and it was like being welcomed home. I fit inside her perfectly, just like always. She was created for me, and I was created for her. I froze, just enjoying the feeling of her, tight around me. She moaned and bucked her hips against mine, and it was all over for me. I was thrusting into her and she was matching my every movement. It was unlike any of our other sexual encounters.

This time was fucking hungry, and desperate, and needy and a little rough. We were laying claim to each other. We were never going to be fucking separated again.

Afterwards, we lay snuggled on her couch under a blanket. Her fingers where tracing over my face and mine were dancing lightly along her back. We didn't speak for a long time, just took pleasure in being together.

Finally she broke the silence, "You found me." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Of course. I'm sorry it took so fucking long." I kissed her forehead.

"It doesn't matter. You're here now…you're really…fucking here." Bella suddenly burst into tears, pressing her head against my chest. "Oh Edward."

"I know, love." I was shedding a few tears myself. "I couldn't fuck wait any more. I couldn't fucking take living without you. Everyone tried to convince me to wait until November, I tried but I just…couldn't. Especially after I found out." She gazed up at me, slightly confused.

"Found out what?"

"About the baby. Charlie told me. Well...more like he shouted and cursed at me about it. There was no way in hell I was going to let you go through this alone."

"Fuck." She muttered as she sat up and swung her legs over the front of the couch. "Edward…I'm not pregnant." She sat there on the couch next to me and stared at her hands in her lap.

"What? But...Charlie…" completely fucking confused now.

"Renee jumped to conclusions. She found a test. I thought I was…but...it was a false alarm, the test was messed up." Not pregnant? No baby? What the…

"Are you sure?" I just couldn't give up the notion of being a father so easy. I had to make sure.

"Yes…" Bella's expression turned cold. "Is that the only reason you came down here? Because you thought I was pregnant?"

"No! Fuck Bella! Do you know how badly I wanted to fucking find you? How shitty my life was without you in it? When Charlie told me…I just couldn't stand waiting anymore! Aren't you fucking glad I'm here?" What the hell was going on?

"Of course I am! I'm just…I'm sorry. God…Edward, if I'm…" The tears were coming. "If I'm not pregnant, they aren't going to let us be together! They are going to tear us apart again!"

"The fuck they are! I'm not fucking losing you again Bella. That's the other reason I came down here." I reached over Bella and picked my jeans up off the floor. I pulled out the little box Alice had given me before I left and handed it to Bella. Shock spread across her face as she realized what it was.

"Edward…?"

"Wait. I know…it's not very romantic. Definitely not how I planned on doing this, but…" I slipped down off the couch and onto one knee. "Isabella Swan…" I opened the box and took her left hand in mine, "Will you marry me?" I didn't wait for her to answer; I took out the small diamond ring that my great-grandfather gave me on the day of his wife's death. He told me to save it until I found someone I'd gladly give my life for, someone who made life worth living. He didn't live long after my great-grandmother. I guess a broken heart can be deadly. I had a brief glimpse of my great-grandparents embracing each other in heaven as I slipped it on her finger.

"But…we're too young…how will we…" She stammered.

"Is that a no?" I asked, more than a little fucking crushed.

"Yes…I mean...no, it's not a no…but…I'm not pregnant."

"I don't fucking care. I loved you before I thought we were going to have a baby and I still love you even though I know we're not. I'm not going to be without you again. This doesn't change the fucking plan I have. It just makes it easier."

"But we're too young; we can't legally get married yet."

"We'll wait until November. Trust me Bella, I've thought this out. We can leave, together…now, and go to my grandparents in Chicago. They were married young, they will fucking understand. They will help us. We can either finish school or get our GEDs and get early enrollment. Our grades are both fucking good enough to do it. Then the day you turn eighteen I'm fucking marrying you. If you'll have me that is…" Bella met my eyes for a minute and I saw her answer in her eyes before it escaped her lips.

"Yes. Edward." She reached down and put my face in her hands. "I will marry you." She smiled and blushed and bit her lip and it was the fucking most beautiful thing I've ever seen. "I love you Edward."

"I love you too Bella." I reached up and gave her a soft kiss. "I hate to rush this, Love, but…if we are going to leave; we need to do it now."

"Shit…you're right. We don't have long before Phil's game is over." She started to get up, but paused and looked back down at me. "We are really going to do this, aren't we?"

I gave her her favorite crooked smile. "Abso-fucking-lutely."


	33. Chapter 33

**BELLA**

Edward.  _My_  Edward. He was…here. Standing in my doorway. My brain couldn't process it. I had to blink several times before I knew that he was real and not some strange hallucination.

My body however, was processing it just fine. I felt him, the buzzing his presence always gave me. It was like a switch had been flipped and I was finally alive again. We rushed to each other, and our bodies became a blur of activity. Touching, caressing, licking and kissing. All our movements were instinctive; no guessing about where to go next, we already knew. My hands were traveling over the body I loved so much; firm but smooth under my fingertips. His sensual smell filled my nose and made me want to be closer to him; although that wasn't physically possible. His masculine voice saying my name was music to my ears…and my loins. I wanted him so bad it hurt.

Before I knew what was happening we were naked; me sitting on the couch and him on his knees on the floor facing me. I had a brief moment of clarity and went for the condom I was hoping would be in his wallet. It was, thank freakin' God. I did not want another pregnancy scare, or another reason for everyone to rip us apart again. I couldn't let Charlie and Renee be proven right. Not when I just got him back. I rolled the condom on without skipping a beat and waited with anticipation to feel my body be whole again.

When he entered me it was, without a doubt, the most pleasurable experience of my short life. Sex with Edward was always fucking amazing, but this was on a whole new level. This was us becoming one again, possessing, owning each other. My nails were digging into his shoulders, I was staking my claim. I'm pretty sure I drew blood. I didn't fucking care and neither did he. He was  _mine_ , and I was  _his_ , forever.

It had been so long for both of us that it didn't take long for both of us to finish. We laid there on the couch, enjoying each other's presence for a few minutes before we both came down to real life and felt the urgency of the situation we were now in.

Edward was the first to get up. He gathered up our clothes, bringing mine to me. "Here, beautiful. We better get moving, even though I'd like nothing better than for you to always be naked around me…the neighbors might think something's amiss."

I rolled my eyes, and sighed. I'd missed his playfulness. "Do you have a lot to pack?" Edward asked as he pulled me up from the couch and followed me into the bedroom. I was twirling my ring, my  _engagement_  ring around my finger. The smile couldn't be wiped off my face even if Jessica her-skank-self appeared in my room.

"Not really, I only came down here with two bags. Mostly filled with your shirts. Bet you missed those."

"I missed  _you_  a whole fuckload more." He said as he nuzzled my neck. I had a very strong urge to throw him down on the bed and have my way with him…again, but I held off. We had to get out of here before Renee and Phil got home. Edward helped me pack up all my things; all his shirts, and my mementos from Forks. I desperately wanted to see the rest of my adopted family but I knew that getting away with Edward was the most important thing. If I had to delay seeing them until we were married, then I would do it.

Edward carried my bags outside and I was shocked to see Emmett's Jeep parked in the street.

"Is Emmett here?" I half expected to be tackled by a giant runaway teddy bear screaming "Jelly Belly" but no one came.

"No." Edward was loading my things into the Jeep, pushing and cramming to get them to fit in the already stuffed backseat. I could tell he was nervous and rushed. I was too. I kept looking up and down the street just waiting for Phil's car to turn the corner.

"Where's your Volvo?" I asked as he opened the Jeep door for me.

"Oh...um…it's part of Alice's plan to get me down here. The Volvo is parked at Jazz's. Em gave me the Jeep incase Charlie warned your mom to look out for my car."

"He  _gave_  you the Jeep?" I was speechless. Emmett rarely let Edward even drive this thing out to the baseball fields let alone across the country.

"Yes. Bella, they all love you, and they want us to be happy. They bent over backwards to get me down here. Emmett would have let me ride piggy-back all the way here if he knew it would help you." Edward kissed my forehead then ran around and jumped into the driver's seat. I turned around and saw my guitar case peeking out from under our bags and it made my heart flutter slightly. I looked around for his, but didn't find any of them.

"Edward, where are your guitars?" I peeked over at him, and I saw his ears turn red. There was something he didn't want to tell me. He mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't catch. "I'm sorry?"

Edward cleared his throat, and repeated himself. "I…umm…sold them."

"You what?" I said it much louder than I intended to but I was so surprised that I lost all voice level control.

"I sold them. I wanted to make sure I had enough money to start our life together." He sold his guitars for me. I could feel the tears welling up, fighting to break free.

"Oh Edward, you gave up your guitars for me? How could you do that?" Selling his guitars was equivalent to chopping off his arms…Edward was music, music was Edward. And now he didn't have it, because of me.

"Love, without you, I have no music. You are more important to me than some stupid guitars. I can always get more…later. I need you  _now_." He gave me a soft peck on the cheek and put the Jeep in reverse. "I love you."

"I love you too." It felt so good to be able to say those words to him again.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes...but…wait…I should leave a note."

"Are you sure about that? What if she calls Charlie?"

"I won't tell her where we are going. I'll…just tell her I've gone out."

"Alright…but...hurry." He gave me another kiss and put the Jeep back in park. I raced back into the house and gave it one final look. Chances were I'd never see my childhood home again. Even I did, it most likely wouldn't be for a very long time. I wasn't all that upset by it, I still had the memories. I was going to be with Edward, and that was all that mattered.

I knew Renee would worry when she came home to find me gone. I didn't want her to freak out until Edward and I were at least out of the state. I decided to leave a casual note on the fridge. I hated lying, but I had plenty of practice by now.

_Mom,_

_Went out with some friends, they said you ok'd it._

_Call you later._

_Love you,_

_Bella_

Hopefully she would just see the 'friends' part and be content with that. She had so many people trying to get me to be social that maybe she'd think she forgot about sending someone over. I would probably have until about midnight before she started to worry. That was my usual curfew, or at least it had been last time I lived here, back when I was social. I made a mental note to at least call her to let her know I was safe. I may have been rude and bitchy these past few months, but I wasn't cruel. This was going to break my mom's heart, but I couldn't let myself feel guilty about that. My heart and soul were waiting for me…just outside, in a red Jeep. I locked the front door behind me and scrambled into the passenger's side.

"Ready, love?"

"Yes, let's go." He reached over and gave my hand a firm squeeze as he pulled away from the curb. I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline. Edward and I were engaged and running away together. It was just like something out of Alice's movies.

My heart didn't leave my throat until we made it out of town, and then it only moved slightly south. I wouldn't feel like I could relax until we were far enough away that someone couldn't make up the time and catch us. Phil was many things but a slow driver was not one of them.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him as he drove. I actually pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. After two months apart we were finally together again. It was a dream come true. I wasn't stupid though, I knew this was going to be difficult. As soon as Charlie found out we were gone, the manhunt would begin. I had no idea how we were going to deal with him. I wasn't even sure that Carlisle and Esme would agree to help us after they found out Edward took off. We had a very long and very hard road ahead of us, but I wasn't going to back down. Yes, the choices Edward and I were making now were probably reckless but at least I was I smart enough to admit it. I love him, and I will never stop. Edward and I were good for each other, and eventually, everyone would see that. Or at least I desperately hoped they would.

Now that there wasn't a baby involved, Edward and I could live the future we talked about; school and marriage…and babies, later. A life that we would build together. If possible, we would stay reasonably close to Forks, because I knew Edward wouldn't want to be far away from his Aunt and Uncle. He would never want to be too far away from Alice either, and neither would I.

Edward ran his fingers through his hair, and I finally noticed just how tired he looked. He had dark circles under his eyes and some serious scruff on his jaw line. I didn't mind the scruff exactly, it was kinda sexy but the tired look in his eyes worried me a bit. "Edward, when was the last time you slept?"

"Thursday." What? That was a couple days ago.

"You need sleep. You can't drive us all the way to Chicago like this."

"I know. I just want to make it to Albuquerque first." He gave me a reassuring smile. "I'll just need to stop and get some coffee, but let's get a little further away before we stop. Do you think your mom found the note yet?" I checked the time on the dashboard clock. It had only been about an hour since we left. I expected them home any minute when we left but depending on the outcome of the game and traffic they were either home or nearly there. If Phil's team won, they might have stopped to have a few celebratory drinks but they wouldn't leave me home alone for too long.

"Maybe. She's been bugging me to get out of the house, so hopefully she'll give it some time. I'll need to call her though….before midnight."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"She  _is_  my mom Edward; no matter how fucked up she is, I still love her. I can't just disappear. This is already going to break her heart."

"She's going to call Charlie."

"Probably, but it's not like I'm going to tell her where we're going."

"Your dad knows I'm from Chicago though. I'm sure he'll alert the authorities before we even make it across the Illinois state line."

"Edward, I may be royally pissed off at her, but I'm not going to let her worry herself to death. If I call to let her know I'm safe, maybe she'll hold off on telling Charlie. If I just never come home, she'll freak and call Charlie as well as the Phoenix police."

"Yeah…I guess you're right. Alright, can it wait until we stop for the night?"

"Yes, of course." Edward took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. We settled into a comfortable silence, and relaxed a little bit. Once we crossed into New Mexico, Edward gave the Jeep a much needed break and stopped for a refill. He handed me some money for snacks and coffee while he pumped the gas. I watched him through the window. He was clearly exhausted, but there was a content little grin on his face.

I moved to the counter to make my purchase and the cashier smiled. She jutted her chin towards the Jeep, "That your boyfriend? He's handsome."

"Yes...err…no. He's my…fiancé." I blushed as I twirled my engagement ring and tested out the word. I decided I liked the way it rolled off my tongue.

"Oh. Congrats then."

"Thank you." I felt slightly silly over being so excited to call him my fiancé, but I couldn't help it. This was the first time in months I didn't feel empty. I finished up inside and returned to the Jeep, still blushing like crazy.

Edward seemed confused at my flushed skin, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…I just called you my fiancé." My smile spread from ear to ear.

"Oh...and?" Edward acted as if he didn't already know the answer, even though he clearly did.

"I liked it." I felt like a kid on Christmas that just got the toy they'd been begging for since last year.

"I like it too." He leaned over the seat and brushed his lips against mine. It sent a jolt through my entire nervous system, and I snaked my arm around his neck pulling him closer. He sighed as our tongues met, and I was about to just say fuck it and climb onto his lap when he broke off the kiss. "I don't think a gas station is the best place to be doing this, love."

"Ok...fine." I gave an exaggerated sigh, complete with eye roll and pout. He chuckled at me, and started up the Jeep. He reached for my hand and twirled the ring around my finger. "We have forever." We  _did_  have forever and I was determined to keep it that way.

I tried to fight the inevitable, but I ended up dozing off about an hour after we left the gas station. I didn't wake up until Edward stopped in a hotel parking lot. "Bella, love…wake up." He whispered.

"Oh shit. I'm sorry." Here I was, napping for hours when he hadn't slept in days.

"It's alright. I was surprised you stayed awake as long as you did."

"What time is it?"

"A little after midnight. Let's see if they'll give us a room." Edward wrapped his arm around me as we walked in. The lobby was old and a little shabby, but reasonably clean. There was a guy behind the desk with greasy black hair, reading a comic book. He didn't appear to be much older than us; I hoped that would work out in our favor.

He barely glanced up from his comic as Edward asked for a room. "Umm...I don't have a credit card…" That got his attention and he quirked an eyebrow as he checked us over.

"Do you need it for the whole night, or just a few hours?" The clerk asked as his eyes rested on my chest. Edward bristled and tightened his arm around me.

"The whole night." Edward hissed through clenched teeth.

"If you don't have a credit card, I'll have to charge you extra."

"Fine." Edward pulled out his wallet and threw some bills on the counter. "Good enough?"

"Yeah." He reached under the counter and tossed the key towards Edward. "Room twelve. Around the corner, in between the ice machine and the soda machine. Check out is at noon. Have a good night kids." His words were dripping with sexual innuendos. I could tell Edward had some nasty retort brewing, but I yanked him away.

"Fucking prick." Edward announced after we left the lobby.

"I know, but at least he gave us a room without a credit card and he didn't check our IDs."

"Yeah…I guess." We drove the car around the building to our room and parked it right in front. There didn't seem to be many other guests, but Edward still unpacked our most important possessions from the Jeep and stuck them in the room. His eyes were bloodshot, and I knew he desperately needed sleep, but I had to call my mom.

"Edward, I need to call Renee. I'm sure she's on the verge of a heart attack." He ran both hands through his hair and leaned against the wall.

"Alright, I think I saw a payphone outside. Let's go."

"I can go by myself. You can sleep."

"Fuck no! You aren't going out there by yourself. It's almost 1am, and that dick behind the counter looks like Chester the Molester." I started to protest, but stopped myself. This was a battle I'd never win.

"Ok, got any quarters?"

"Yes...I saw some in Em's Jeep." We went back outside and it took a good twenty minutes of scrounging to find enough quarters to call long distance. He draped a protective arm around my shoulders and we went to the payphone. I was glad he was with me, there was practically no lighting, and I was in full view of "Chester's" desk.

My hand started shaking as I dialed my mom's cell. I had no idea what her reaction was going to be like, but I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. Edward gave me a reassuring kiss as I waited for the call to connect. It only rang once before my mom's frantic voice filled my ear.

"Bella? Bella! Is that you?"

"Y-yes mom. It's me."

"Oh God. Where the hell are you? Are you alright? I've been worried sick about you."

"Yes Mom. I'm fine. I'm….I'm with Edward." Silence.

"What? I don't think I heard you correctly…you're…with…Edward?"

"Yes. I'm with Edward. We're safe."

"Isabella Marie Swan, where the fuck are you?" I cringed at the harshness of her voice. I don't think I've ever heard her that pissed off before. And the F bomb? From my mom? "You get your ass back home right  _now_."

"I….We… aren't coming back."

"WHAT?" She screeched.

"Mom, just please calm down. I'm sorry I scared you. That wasn't my intention, but…" I leaned against Edward for support. "Edward came for me, and I left with him. I won't be coming back; at least not until after I'm eighteen."

"This isn't funny Bella. Tell me where you are. Phil and I will come get you."

"I'm sorry mom, I never wanted to hurt you, but I love Edward. We are going to start our life together." I gazed up at him and smiled as he ran his fingertips down my cheek. "And if you can't accept that, we'll have to do it without you. We're going to get married."

" _Married_? Bella, you are too young! It's not even  _legal_ for you to get married. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound right now? How dangerous this is?"

"I'm safe with Edward." I muttered, my eyes still locked with his. I heard muffled talking in the background and I assumed it was Phil. There was a brief mumbled conversation that I couldn't understand. The sound of the cell bring scraped against something broke my reverie.

"Bella, look." She said after she returned. "It's late. We can all sit down and talk about this in the morning. Just please come home. We'll even let Edward sleep on the couch."

"I told you…I'm not coming back. Plus….Edward and I are…in another state." She gasped softly at this information.

"In another state? Oh honey. Please don't do this." She pleaded. I could practically hear the tears spilling over her eyelashes and rolling down her cheeks. "We'll work something out."

"I'm so…I'm so sorry, Mom." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. The recorded message came on, asking me to deposit more money. I had to say goodbye. "Mom, I have to go, but I'll call you ok? I'll let you know that I'm alright."

"Bella, please…"

"I love you Mom." I honestly meant it. Granted, the past two months had been a constant power struggle, but I truly loved her. She never got a chance to respond.  _If you would like to make another call, please…_ the recording played as I hung up the phone and curled into Edward. He waited patiently as I cried against his chest, gently stroked my hair until my tears ran dry.

"Bella, love." He took my face in his hands and lifted it to his. "We can go back…if you want."

"What… I thought…isn't this what you wanted?"

"Yes, but I can't stand seeing you so unhappy. I'm already the cause of a major fucking rift between you and your dad. I'd hate to see you lose your mom because of me too."

"No, I want this, I mean I want you. I love my mom, but she's never been there for me when I needed her the most. You...you and Alice and Emmett, you've all been there for me. You are my family now."

"I love you." He kissed me on the tip of my nose and wrapped his arms around me again. "Ok, now that that's settled, can we please go to bed now?"

"Yes." I replied simply. Edward was dragging his feet back to the room and as soon as we were inside he was stripped down to his boxers. He was in the bed before I even got my shoes off. I took a minute to appreciate the sight. I had definitely missed seeing him sprawled out in bed, wearing nothing but his boxers. I shook my head to clear out the fantasy, Edward needed to sleep, not be molested.

He stretched his arms out to me and I jumped into them. I nestled into my favorite spot, and let out a very long, very contented sigh. This was what I dreamt about for two months; lying next to him, the feel of his body against mine, the electric hum lulling us to sleep.

"I don't think I can sing you to sleep tonight, love." He mumbled, half asleep already.

"That's fine. You'll just have to owe me one." He nodded, pressing his face into my hair, inhaling deeply before finally letting sleep take him. His even breathing was good enough for my lullaby, and I drifted off with a grin plastered on my face.

I slept soundly, no bad dreams where I was searching and searching but couldn't find Edward. Instead, my dreams were filled with crooked smiles, messy hair, hot sex and amazing singing. I almost didn't want to wake up, but being with the real Edward won out over the dream Edward.

It was morning; I could tell by the way the sunlight shone through my eyelids. I didn't feel him against my back, so I reached across the bed for him. Empty. I panicked, had the reunion, proposal and running away together all been a dream? I shot up and opened my eyes to scan the room.

I was in the hotel room, but Edward was nowhere to be found. His clothes from yesterday were still scattered on the floor, but his shoes were gone. I checked the nightstand for his wallet and keys. They were missing as well, but there was a folded note on top of the TV.

My heart dropped to my feet. Did he change his mind? Did he take my tears last night as me wanting to go back to Renee? Did he call her to come get me? I sprinted to the TV to read the note.

_Bella,_

_Went to get real food for breakfast. Be back soon._

_I love you._

I let out the breath I had been holding.  _Silly paranoid Bella_ , I chastised myself. I checked the clock, and we still had a few hours before we had to check out. I wasn't sure how long ago he'd left, but I figured he wouldn't be gone very long. I lazily scooted over to the bathroom to do my morning routine. Edward had unpacked my toothbrush and set it on the counter next to his along with all my other toiletries. I cleaned up as best I could without showering. I had no desire to shower in a strange hotel room without Edward being present. I've seen  _Psycho_  way too many times.

I was just beginning to organize our things when I heard the familiar rumble of the Jeep. I greeted him at the door, holding it open as he carried in enough food and coffee for five people. "Good morning, love."

"Good morning." I relieved him of a few takeout bags and stood on my tiptoes to lay a kiss on his cheek. We set out all the food on a towel on the bed and sat crossed-legged, looking at each other. "How the hell are we going to eat all this food?"

"I figured we needed something better than gas station food, and…well…" He paused, raking his fingers through his hair. "You're looking a little…tinier than usual."

"Gee, thanks."

"Fuck...it didn't come out right. I'm just worried about you. My shirt looks bigger on you than it should."

"I'm fine… _now_. Let's eat." We dove into the food. I was sure Edward hadn't eaten anything substantial in days and I was starving. We ate without speaking; only brushing fingers occasionally. Perfectly comfortable. There was still tons of food left when we finished so I repacked everything for the rest of our trip. Edward remained seated on the bed, and as I walked past him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down so that I was straddling him.

"Mmmm….I missed you so fucking much." He murmured into my neck.

"I missed you too." I locked my fingers together behind his head, my thumbs rubbing through his hair. Edward was dragging his lips up my neck to the spot behind my earlobe. He gave it a teasing lick and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped. It had been so long since I felt him do that. He kissed his way down to my collarbone and started nibbling. As I leaned back to give him better access, his fingers danced up my thighs and dipped into my panties. I wanted him. Yesterday had been amazing, but hurried. I wanted to make love to him, slowly. I wanted to relish every caress, every lick, and every inch of his body. My hormones almost overtook me, when an alarm bell rang in my head.  _Hello! Pregnancy scare!_  "Edward…wait…condom." He stilled his hands and rested his forehead against my shoulder.

"Fuck. I…didn't…bring any."

"What? Why not?"

"Umm...because I thought you were pregnant, remember?"

"Shit." I climbed off his lap and sat next to him, taking his hand in mine.

"I'm sorry." He shrugged. "I just…wanted to fucking get to you…and…you know…don't really need protection if you're already pregnant."

"Well…we will just have to buy more." I stated with a little nod of my head. Edward's eyebrows rose in surprise and I started blushing. "When we get settled, I'll get on a birth control pill...don't want any more scares." There was a rare awkward moment between us. Suddenly we were both focused on the one thing we had yet to discuss.

"Bella…" He started. "Do you…even want kids? We never really talked about it…."

"I hadn't really thought about it…before, you know. I know that…when I thought of you as a father, it made me happy. When I thought about  _us_  as a family, you, me and a baby, I was happy."

"Yeah?" He freed his hand from mine and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, moving my hand to his leg; absently rubbing his knee with my thumb.

"Yeah. It was kinda ridiculous. I envisioned you singing to my belly." I let out a nervous giggle.

"Really? So did I." We smiled at each other with the realization that we had some of the same fantasies when we thought we were going to have a baby. We sat in silence for a few minutes as we fantasized about being parents.

"I was a little disappointed when I found out I wasn't pregnant." I added shyly. I wouldn't blame him if he called me an idiot….what seventeen year old is disappointed when they find out they're  _not_  pregnant?

"To tell the truth… so was I. I was scared, not about having a baby with you but about being a good enough father…I have my father and Carlisle to live up to. I was actually really excited about the baby and even thought about what the baby would look like." Edward peeked over at me shyly. I guess that makes two of us.

"We'll find out someday. But I don't want to prove Renee and Charlie right. I want to show them we can be responsible together. I want to fulfill our plans of going to college, and then we can have a baby because we want to not because we were foolish."

"Sounds like a plan, love." He glanced up at the clock. "Shit, we better get going. We have a long fucking drive ahead of us."

We gathered up our things and re-stuffed the Jeep. Emmett would certainly be bitching up a storm if he could see his back seat now. I could practically hear him in my head.  _"Damn it Edward, you're gonna rip the fucking seat. Christ, Rosalie's damn stilettos left less marks than your fucking luggage."_

I had to smile to keep from crying. I missed Emmett…and Alice…and Rosalie, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, even Charlie…the Charlie before he lost his damn mind. I started to wonder if I'd ever get him back, my dad, not the close-minded assaholic prick Charlie, but the man I knew as my father. I had to cut the thought off or I'd be a bawling ragdoll sitting on the curb next to the Jeep. The loss of my father was much too hard to bear right now.

"All ready to go. Now, for the most important piece." Edward scooped me up and walked me over to the passenger door. He put me back on my feet and we stood there holding each other for a minute before he opened my door and I climbed in.

We were seventeen year old fugitives on our way across the country on the hopes that Edward's grandparents, whom he'd only seen once a year since his father's accident, would give sympathy to their plight and take them in; hiding us from my vengeance seeking, gun wielding father. This should be interesting.

**EDWARD**

As fucking exhausted as I was, I couldn't help checking out Bella's ass as she walked into the gas station. I missed that unintentionally sexy way she swayed her hips. The buzzing in my pocket distracted me from dirty thoughts. Text message from Alice…shit. I forgot to call her.

_U better have a damn good excuse for not calling me_

_With B now. I was otherwise distracted._

_She ok? Where are you?_

_New Mexico. B is fine. Will call when we get to Grans._

_Kk. Love u & B_

_Love u 2_

By the time I was done refueling, Bella was walking back to the Jeep, gigantic cup of coffee in hand. God I fucking loved that girl. She was blushing like mad; it was fucking adorable that the furious blushing was caused by her calling me her fiancé. It was even more adorable that she tried to jump my bones while in the gas lane of a stop-and-rob. I fucking missed that shit. Shy embarrassed Bella to Horny Dirty Bella in the blink of an eye.

As expected, she passed the fuck out not long after we got back on the road. I didn't have the heart to wake her. Long car rides always made her sleepy. I brushed some hair off her peaceful face and got a better look at her. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her cheekbones were more prominent than I remembered. She was still wearing the same t-shirt she answered the door in. My shirts had always been a little big for her, but this one, the way it hung so loosely, looked more like it belonged to Emmett. She hadn't been taking care of herself. I had no reason to be upset with her, fuck, I hadn't taken care of myself either. I fucking blamed Charlie. He'd seen what happened to her when she lost Jacob, what the fuck did he expect would happen to her after being torn away from her friends? From me? Either he didn't fucking care, or he was just too fucking blind to see what we really meant to each other. And, granted, I didn't know her mother, but how could she just stand back and watch her daughter waste away? Not once but  _twice_  now. I was half tempted to turn back to her mom's house and show her the picture evidence that Bella had been a smiling, normal girl, full of life. Not just with me, but with all of us. Fuck it, we'd show them all.

I sipped on the coffee; she mixed in just the right amount of cream and sugar. I was fucking jittery. I had been running on nothing but fumes for two days now. I was determined to get as far away as possible before we had to stop. Before Bella called her mom. I was worried about this whole note/phone call business, but Bella was right. She couldn't just fucking disappear. We were already going to be in a fuckload of trouble for this. If Charlie ever got a hold of us, we were fucking screwed. We had to make it until I could marry her. We were acting young and stupid, but waiting around was out of the fucking question. When Bella had first answered the door, before her brain clicked that it was me standing in front of her, she had that empty look in her eyes. I knew that look, and it fucking scared the hell out of me. I had promised her I would never let her feel that again, and I would do whatever it took to keep that promise.

I turned my thoughts to my grandparents. I told Bella they would understand, and I hoped they wouldn't make a liar out of me. Pop was older than Gran by a couple years, and waited around for her until she graduated. They married the day after. Of course, that was back when it wasn't unheard of to get married straight out of high school. In fact, many girls did just that. But I think you'd be hard pressed to find a couple that still loved each other as much as Gran and Pop after all they've been through. I didn't want to get them in any kind of legal trouble; I just wanted their assistance until we could figure out our next step. We still had seven more months until Bella would be eighteen and that was a long time to have to keep running. We needed all the fucking help we could get.

I was fairly certain they would help. They were my mom and Esme's parents, and they always bent over backwards for me and Alice. Mental illness had run in my grandfather's family, and he always felt partly responsible for ignoring the signs in my mother. He's always clung on to the belief that if she'd gotten the help she needed before the accident, she might not have broken down the way she did. Even though everyone tried to convince him otherwise, he couldn't shake the guilty feeling, and often tried to make up for it by spoiling us rotten. It made me feel a little fucking dirty that I was about to take advantage of that, but that's what family is for, right? To help you when you fucking need it the most.

I drove until it hurt to keep my eyes open. I was developing one of those exhaustion headaches, and my sight was starting to become affected. That last thing Bella and I needed was to get into a fucking car accident because I feel asleep at the wheel. I couldn't live with myself if Bella was hurt because of me. I drove around the city looking for hotels that seemed the most likely to give two teenagers a room for the night without asking too many questions. I had my credit cards on me, just in case there was a serious emergency, but that was a last resort.

I picked out one that looked the cleanest, and pulled up in front of the lobby. Bella was mumbling in her sleep, but I wasn't able to make out the words. I assumed it was something good, because her mouth was turned up at the edges. Her happy sleep smile. How many times in the past months had I begged God to let me see that fucking smile again? Too many to fucking count.

I gently shook her awake, and was granted with that fucking sparkle in her eyes that was only meant for me. We went inside and as soon as I saw the greasy guy behind the counter I wanted to leave. Fucker had the nerve to make rude comments and practically eye rape my girl, but we had no other options. I let Bella drag me out, and we found our room.

I knew she was going to ask about making the phone call to her mom before she said a word. I hated watching her make that call. She was nervous, and watching her heart break over telling her mom goodbye almost killed me. I felt like I was fucking up her life. I was ruining her relationships with her parents.  _Fucking selfish prick._  If she had told me right then that she wanted to call everything off, I would have done it. I would have taken her home, done whatever she wanted.

Of course, she didn't want to leave. She was willing to leave her entire family for me. If I hadn't been about to pass the fuck out, I probably would have showed her just how much I appreciated that. We made our way back to the room, and curled in bed together. Her tiny little body pressed against mine. I wanted to sit back and enjoy this moment, but I was asleep as soon as I wrapped my arms around her.

I slept without dreams. I didn't need to dream anymore, my dream had fucking come true. I had my Bella back, and she was going to be my wife.

When I woke up, I was surprised that she was still sleeping. She almost always woke up before me. I contemplated giving her a very special wake up call, but she looked so comfortable snuggled in my arms. I laid a tiny kiss on her temple, and wiggled my arms free without disturbing her. My stomach was growling like fucking crazy. I used the restroom, then returned to the bed and thought about what I could do for breakfast.

We both needed to eat something besides fucking Twinkies and chips. I really didn't want to wake her, nor did I want to leave her alone. That fucking Chester the Molester creep might still be around. I was starting to feel lightheaded. Fuck. I was pretty sure I saw a Denny's around the corner. I decide to let her sleep; hopefully I would be back before she woke up. I quickly got dressed and wrote a note explaining where I was; knowing she would fucking worry if she woke up alone. I gave her another soft kiss and murmured an "I love you" in her ear before leaving.

I had been right, there was at Denny's around the corner and thank freaking God it was practically dead. I was anxious to get back to Bella. I ordered the first six things I saw off the menu and an enough fucking coffee to give a horse a caffeine buzz. That was one fucking thing I would be begging for whenever Bella and I got settled. Her fucking mouthwatering cooking. I had missed that shit. Not that I wanted Bella to be some subservient fucking housewife, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but I loved her cooking. I would repay her in…other ways. Possibly  _while_  she was cooking. Some very naughty and very dirty images floated around in my head while I waited for our food. The hostess struggled with my order as she set it on the counter. "Large family?" She asked with a smile.

"No just my girl…my fiancé… and I on a road trip, and we don't want to have to stop for awhile."

"A little young to be getting married aren't you?"

"Nope." I made the 'p' pop just a bit.

"Oh well…umm...enjoy the food and the trip."

"Thanks." I repeated the word fiancé in my head as I hopped back into the Jeep. It sounded fucking perfect.

I took our buffet back to the room and was pleasantly surprised by her beautiful smile before I even reached the door. She helped me bring our breakfast in and we sat enjoying the silence along with the bacon, eggs, pancakes, hash browns, sausage and biscuits. I was going to make sweet love to her to within an inch of her life but we ran into a problem. No condom. Neither one of us was ready to prove her parents right by making that mistake…again. Instead we packed up and headed out.

It didn't take long before Bella was asleep,  _again_. I didn't mind though, it wasn't as if I didn't expect it. It gave me time to think, plus this running bullshit was going to take its toll on her. I had to make sure she was taken care of; I didn't want yet another fucking reason for her parents to get on my ass.

I kept remembering our little baby talk. I was pleasantly surprised to know that we had fantasized about the same things. We would have our happy little family…someday.

We had roughly a nineteen hour drive to my grandparent's house. I didn't want to have to stop again, but I was fairly certain Bella was going to talk me into it. She was worried about me; she didn't want me depriving myself of sleep or food.

About six hours into our drive, Bella had woken up and convinced me to stop at a restaurant. By convinced, I mean she unzipped my pants and started stroking my dick until I  _had_  to pull off the fucking freeway. Evil, I tell you,  _evil_. I purposefully stopped at a convenience store before the restaurant and grabbed a new box of condoms. Bella's entire face turned beet red, but she gave me a consenting little nod.

"Your idea." I teased.

"Food first."

"Yes, ma'am." I found a tiny diner that looked as if it hadn't been updated since the fifties, but usually places like that have the best fucking food. Greasy as hell and really fucking bad for you but tastes like a little slice of heaven. Bella and I walked inside hand in hand. I could feel the ring between my fingers and a cheesy ass grin formed on my face. My Bella, my girl,  _my fiancé_.

"What's so funny?" She asked after glancing up.

"Nothing."

"Ok…so…where are we exactly?"

"Oklahoma. Almost to Tulsa." The waitress waved us in and told us to pick a spot. I grabbed a booth in the back and pulled Bella in so that she was leaning against my chest.

"Are we going to stop for the night?"

"I hadn't planned on it." She let out a frustrated little huff and whipped around to face me.

"You  _have_  to rest Edward."

"It's already Sunday night, love. I'm pretty sure your mom has called Charlie, and he's probably already gone to my house throwing a bitch fit." I hated thinking about him screaming at Carlisle and Esme, but it wasn't my fault he had rage issues. He's the one that forced us into this situation in the first place. If he would have just fucking listened we wouldn't be doing this. "They might have called my grandparents too."

"Well then, it won't matter."

"No, Bella. We need to fucking get there ASAP." I could see an argument brewing in her head, so I decided to compromise. "How about this, every few hours or so I'll find a well lit area, let you keep watch and take a nap."

"Fine." She relented. We ordered and ate; Bella ordered desert as a ploy to get me to rest, and of course it fucking worked. I leaned my head back on the wall and shut my eyes waiting for her to finish. I wasn't quite sure how long I was out but when I woke up, Bella was licking chocolate sauce of her finger. Little Edward fucking woke up too. She didn't know I was watching her, which made it even fucking sexier.

"Is that good?" I whispered in my sexiest voice. She jumped slightly and smacked my chest.

"Shit you scared me. Yes, it's good. Want some?" Bella dipped her finger in the chocolate left on her plate and brought it to my lips. She wasn't intentionally trying to be sexy, or to tease me but  _fuck_ , she was doing it anyways. I kept my eyes on hers as I brought out the tip of my tongue and licked her finger. She blushed and bit her lip as she realized what exactly I was fucking doing. "We should go."

"Uh huh." I paid the check and practically carried her out. As soon as we got in the Jeep, she fucking attacked me. "I'm not going to make love to you in a fucking car." I protested halfheartedly.

"Shut up Edward. We're engaged, we can do it wherever we want." She reasoned as she bit down on my earlobe. Emmett was going to kick my ass if he ever found out, but fuck it. It was totally fucking worth it.

A little over twenty hours later, I was pulling into my grandparent's neighborhood. I kept my promise to Bella and took a short nap every few hours. I'd find a very well lit parking lot and wake Bella up so she could keep watch. I was a little afraid to turn my phone on, guaranteed Carlisle and Esme knew I was gone by now so I made her swear to wake me up if anything happened.

As I drove down the country road Bella was fidgeting in the passenger seat. She was nervous about meeting my grandparents.

"Stop worrying. They're going to love you."

"Yes, they are going to just fall completely in love with the girl you ran halfway across the country to kidnap." I chuckled at the seriousness of her tone.

"Kidnap? Is that how you look at it?"

"I didn't say I haven't enjoyed being kidnapped." She said with a sly smile. "But I'm just scared. What if they don't help us?"

"If they don't want to help…well, we'll just leave."

"Where will we go?"

"I don't know, love. I'll figure something out. Let's try this first ok?" She bit her lip and nodded. I found my grandparents house with ease. The two story house with the soft yellow paint. It had been like a second home growing up, now I only saw it once a year. As I parked the car in the driveway, Bella started ringing her hands. "Ready?" I asked more to prompt her then as an actual question. She took a deep breath and climbed out of the car with me. I took her hand in mine and guided her up the walkway. We didn't even make it halfway up before the front door opened and my Gran stepped out.

"We've been expecting you." Her eyes flitted between Bella and me before she finally rested on my face. She looked tired, worried, but there was a hint of a smile.

"Bella, this is my grandmother, Carmen Platt."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Platt." Bella stuck out her free hand to shake Gran's. I knew my Gran though, and what she did wasn't surprising. She leaned forward and gave Bella a big bear hug. The kind that makes you forget anything was ever wrong.

"Please, call me Carmen or Gran. You are going to be family after all." Bella anxiety seemed to lesson, and she let Gran link arms with her and guide her inside. I tagged along behind, not ready to release Bella's hand.

Gran led us into the living room, where my grandfather was waiting. He was a big guy still; it was easy to see where Emmett got his hulky frame from. He enveloped me in a hug and ended up hugging Bella as well.

"Hello Bella. I'm Eleazar. It's nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to finally meet you as well." Bella was still a little apprehensive, I could tell. She was so worried about making the wrong impression as the cause of all this trouble.

"Well, take a seat; we have a lot to discuss." We all made ourselves comfortable while Gran made us some tea.

"So…you said you had been expecting us?" Pop raised his eyebrow at my inquiry and we all came to the same answer.

"Alice." We all said simultaneously.

"Yes, Alice contacted us." Pop said. "Carlisle also called. You've caused quite a commotion." His tone was firm but not scolding. Pop had a way of making you feel like shit for doing something bad without ever saying you did something bad. "Bella, apparently your mother called Carlisle and Esme. She's very worried about you."

"I know…Sir." Bella was nearly at the point of tears. She had her head down and was staring at our entwined fingers.

"Well, I think it would be better if we discussed all of this on a full stomach. Eleazar, could you help Edward bring their things in. We are letting you two stay in the same room but we trust you'll respect our home and keep the action PG rated, the walls of these old houses are paper thin….Pop's heart couldn't take an R rating." Gotta love the Gran. She always knew how to use humor to get a message across. And no one was better at taking tension out of a situation, especially when food could be used.

Gran stood up and grabbed Bella's free hand. "So dear I hear you're a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen. C'mon, show an old dog some new tricks." Bella glanced over at me with a smile and I smiled back. I kissed the hand I was holding before letting it go. Bella got up and followed Gran into the kitchen.

Pop and I went out to the Jeep to get the luggage. "So Em let you use his Jeep huh? You have some major blackmail on him or what?"

"No, Pop." I had to chuckle. Of course I had blackmail on him but I didn't even think of using it. "He just wanted me and Bella to be together. He was pretty close with Bella too."

"Ahhh, seems that little girl has had a big impact on your family." I just nodded. That was truer than he'd ever know. We took our bags up to the spare room and walked in silence down to the dining room.

The smells coming from that kitchen made my mouth water and the sight of Bella bringing out a huge plate full of banana pancakes made my dick hard. The latter made me feel incredibly dirty in the presence of my grandparents, but I couldn't help it. My girl always turned me on. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek to try and get little Edward to calm the fuck down. It sorta worked.

"Sit down boys, let's eat." Gran followed behind Bella with the plates. "Edward, Bella said these were your favorite, and she added some extra ingredients. She's a very talented cook. I never would have thought to add…"

"Shhh!" Bella flapped her hands to quiet my Gran. "Gran, I don't want him to know. It's my secret." I sat there wide eyed, amazed that they had bonded so quickly. This raised my hopes beyond what I could have dreamed. They both giggled at my expression and Bella took the seat next to me. When she met my eyes, her face was flushed. I gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, letting my fingertips graze across her cheek as I pulled my hand away. She gave me a shy little grin and I was beginning to lean forward to kiss her when Pop cleared his throat.

"How about we eat this before it gets cold, huh?" Bella's blush turned an impossible shade of red. We ate silently, eagerly shoveling in my fiancé's cooking. Pop and Gran both complimented her between helpings and a cooking compliment from Gran was a huge deal. I tried to eat slowly, I wanted to relish this; however, I was fucking starving. When we were finished, Bella and I cleared the table while my grandparents whispered softly.

"So you and Gran seem to be getting along ok." I said as we loaded the dishwasher.

"Yeah. She's great."

"Did she say anything…."

"No." A worried expression flashed across Bella's face. I reached out for her and hugged her close.

"It'll work out love." She grasped onto me tightly until my Gran called us back into the dining room.

"So, I think your Gran and I need to say a few things." Pop started. "Like I said, Alice called us, but she said your plans could change. When Carlisle called, we still hadn't heard from you, and we told him so. That's when he informed us that Bella's mom contacted him." Bella sniffled slightly. "We know of your plan to get married, the pregnancy scare and about Bella's father. I think I speak for both of us when I say…" He paused and looked to Gran for assistance. She nodded her encouragement to go on. "Running wasn't exactly smart." Bella drew in a sharp breath and grabbed my hand. "Now, before you both freak out and run again, we've decided to help you, conditionally. Of course, this all depends on how Bella's father reacts."

"He still doesn't know?" Bella squeaked.

"As far as we know, your mother hasn't informed him. Your mom, Renee is it?" Bella nodded. "Renee and Carlisle have been talking and from what we gathered, as long as you two are safe with us, she's willing to let you stay for a short time until something can be worked out. Your father's job title does cause issues."

"He's not going to react well at all. He's going to lose his damn mind….sorry Gran." I apologized.

"Well, he probably will. We honestly didn't react all that well when we first found out either. What were you two thinking?"

"Just that…we need to be together." I explained. "We thought you would understand." I added defensively.

"Edward, we understand, but I already had a career when I married your Gran. I had a house waiting for us. You two haven't even finished high school yet."

"We know this. We've talked about it; we have no intention of forgetting our plans for the future. We just want to be able to carry them out together." I saw Pop start to protest, I knew where he was going to take this conversation. "I know we weren't careful before and that was stupid but it was one mistake, one time and we've both learned from it. There's nothing to say that we can't be married  _and_  go to college."

"We know…it's just…we don't want you to regret anything. To miss out on being young."

"Eleazar, sir, if I could just say something. I've already missed out on so much. I don't know if you are aware of…my past...but sadness and heartache have robbed me of my carefree teenage years. I didn't even want to experience life before I met Edward. Since then, all the things I ever hoped to experience I've done with Edward. And with Alice, and Emmett. I know we are young, but Edward and I have both been through a lot already. We are both smart and I know if we were to get married tomorrow, I'd never regret it." Pop sighed and Gran reached across the table to give Bella's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I can see that you both have a lot of love for each other. I know that we most likely will never be able to change your minds but we want to make sure your decisions are based on reality and not on some forced cognition of what will make everything better. We will do what we can for you but we need you to trust us like we are going trust you." Pop paused as he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. "Now, it's late and you two are clearly tired. Let's all hit the hay and tomorrow we can start working things out."

We all said goodnight and I whispered a thank you in both grandparent's ears. Just as Bella and I reached the bottom of the stairs Pop tapped his heart and reminded us to keep the PG rating. We both laughed, we were way too fucking tired for that shit.

After we changed into our pj's and crawled in bed, I did the one thing both of us had been waiting for. I sang her to sleep.

We woke up the next morning happy and content. As if we were never separated. My raging morning wood made it very fucking difficult to keep the PG rating, but Bella was excited to prepare breakfast with Gran so I wasn't tempted for long. Together they made the best breakfast I ever had in my whole fucking life. I was half tempted to call Emmett and rub it in his face.

Bella and Gran spent the day bonding over recipes, while I explained to Pop the plans we had for college. He was a little surprised and quite pleased that we put so much thought into our plans for the future. Sometime in the early afternoon he took a phone call in private and later informed us it was Carlisle.

"Bella, apparently your mom has flown to Forks and intends to talk to your father with Carlisle and Esme to try and reason with him. Carlisle said he would call as soon as he knows something." That put a big fucking damper on our good moods. For the rest of the day Bella alternated between chewing on her lip and gnawing off her nails. I tried to fucking calm her down; I sang to her, gave her a neck massage, told lame Emmett-like jokes, but nothing fucking worked.

To be honest, I was just as fucking nervous. Even though Gran and Pop agreed to help us, I wouldn't let Charlie get to them. We'd have to fucking run again. It wasn't until after a very subdued dinner that we got the phone call. We waited on the edge of our seats and as soon as I saw Gran's face fall, I started thinking about where we could go next.

"Well?" Bella asked shyly.

"They said Charlie got upset and left. They don't know where he went." Bella started to cry softly. I wrapped my arms around her and together we started to move towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Pop placed his hand on my shoulder.

"We need to be alone."

"Edward, don't do it. We said we'd help you and we meant it."

"I can't let you guys get in legal trouble over us."

"Oh honey, just please think this over." Gran begged.

"We just need to be alone, ok?" Pop gave my shoulder a squeeze before dropping his hand. I took Bella upstairs and let her cry into my shoulder. I shed a few tears of my own but I didn't let her see. I was going to be strong for her, for us.

"What are we going to do?" The despair in her voice broke my heart.

"I don't know, love. I wouldn't be surprised if he was on his way here now. We need to leave as soon as fucking possible."

"Where will we go?" I squeezed her tight and hid my face in her hair without responding. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had no fucking clue.


	34. Chapter 34

**CHARLIE**

I missed my daughter, my Bella. This tiny house just seemed….huge….without her here. She had only been here for a few months, but that short period of time had made all the difference. She was a part of this house now, like the walls or the squeaky steps. And just like missing walls or squeaky steps would leave a hole so did Bella's absence. I missed her smile, her laugh. I missed the way she reminded me of her mother. I missed that when she walked into the room I felt an over abundance of pride that I created such a magnificent person. Remembering how happy she'd been, especially after her Friday Harbor trip,only pissed me off more. I hadn't been the one to make her smile. Edward caused that, him and his fucking seduction. I cringed as a brief flash of my little girl getting pounded by that rotten bastard flashed before my eyes. I squeezed my eyes tight to squash the image but wasn't quick enough to miss the big asshole grin on his face. He was the bane of my fucking existence. All the good memories I had of Bella weren't completely mine.

Edward had put that spark in her eye.

Edward had put that skip in her step.

Edward was the reason she stopped screaming in the middle of the night.

Yeah, because she was too busy having sex with him under  _my_  roof.

I sighed and pushed my plate of cold pizza to the side. Damn voice in my head. It made me lose my appetite and I love fucking pizza; though it did lose some of its appeal the third night in a row. My brain had been in a constant state of war since I sent Bella away. Trying to reassure myself that I'd done the right thing. It was like having an Angel on one shoulder and a Devil on the other, whispering opposing arguments in my head.

Half of the town thought I was just being a hardass and the other half applauded me with their smug head nods as I walked by. I didn't know what to believe anymore. Renee was respecting my decision, but she had her moments of doubt.

"Charlie, she's nothing but a zombie. I tried to talk to her and I swear she doesn't even realize I'm in the room." Renee said to me late one night.

"I thought you were on my side."

"Damnit! I don't know whose side I'm on anymore. I don't want Bella to make the same mistakes we made, but I don't want this…. an empty Bella shell. What if this boy does wait until she's eighteen? What are we going to do then? Keep her on the move so he can't possibly find her? Kidnap our own daughter?"

"Trust me Renee. He's scum. He'll get tired of waiting around. He probably jumped into bed with the first little hussy he met the day after she left."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"I just…am." I answered in frustration. Truthfully, I had heard rumors that Edward had taken the separation from my daughter very hard, but when Ms. Stanley is your main source of town gossip, you have to take everything with a grain of salt. I also heard he had been sleeping with Jessica again, so God only knows the truth. I didn't understand that Jessica girl; she must be a glutton for punishment. I was just waiting for the day she came into my office, yet again, and accused Edward of something. The chance to finally pin him and send him away would be the answer to my prayers. Then there would be no chance of Bella ever wasting her life with someone who could never give her all she deserved.

My stomach rumbled and gurgled, pizza for three days in a row had obviously not agreed with me. Bella would never let me eat this crap. Even in her dark days she always made sure I was fed a decent healthy meal.

Shit…

Maybe it was my longing for some of her home cooked food, or maybe it was my stomach audibly objecting to the cardboard triangle I was attempting to shove in my mouth but all of a sudden it hit me. All those fricking leftovers were most likely not for Emmett. They were for  _him_. Now that I actually thought about it, the huge meals on the weekends were probably for  _him_  too. That little asshole was probably perched up on her bed, Goddamn fork in hand waiting for her to bring it up to him. Sonofabitch.

I propped my elbows on the table and rested my face in my hands. I hated this mess. I just wanted my daughter in my life. I wanted her back in whatever way I could get her. Just back in my life. Happy…safe.

How had everything gotten so incredibly messed up?

Two rings in; maybe I should change my damn phone number. Within the span of only one week Renee had given me two of the worst and one of the best phone calls of my life. The first ended with both of us in tears, although she was never aware of that.

She told me my little girl was pregnant…by that fucking asshole, Edward Cullen. I knew that little bastard would screw up her life. It was exactly what I was trying to avoid by sending her away. It's the only thing that would ever give me enough strength to send her back to Renee.

I knew I would be miserable without Bella but I had to protect her. Did a fabulous job of that, didn't I? He probably knocked her up right in my own fucking house! That stupid arrogant fucker! I cannot believe I didn't know he was sneaking in. He probably waltzed in here every night taking every last bit of virtue she had. It made me physically sick that I didn't clue in to what was going on. I was a fool. No need to worry about getting the "Detective of the year" award this year. GODDAMNIT! I wish I would have caught him sneaking in so I'd have a valid reason to shoot him. He was trespassing after all.

I made a total ass of myself. I risked my entire career by driving like stark raving lunatic over to the Cullen house and confronting Edward. In a blind rage; my only thought had been to keep him away from Bella. From further ruining my daughter's chance at a decent future.

Edward nearly pushed me over the edge. I had to actually use deep breaths to keep myself from jumping the little prick. How dare he accuse me of being a bad father! I tried to ignore it at first, chalking it up to him just taking a shot at me, but I kept hearing his smart ass tone.

"I'd be a better father than you."

He'd never be a real father, not the kind that would be worthy of my grandchild. Still, what he said ate at me. What kind of father just dumps his daughter when things get hard? I wasn't dumping her, was I? No, I was protecting her. I would never be able to live with myself if I stood idly by and allowed her to be involved with a person who didn't think twice about using women. Not to mention physically abusing them. There was no way I was letting my Bella get trapped in that life, not like my mother did. My Grandfather looked the other way because he wanted her to be happy but then spent the remainder of his life trying to make it up to my mother. He used to tell me if it wasn't for the fact that he got me out their being together, stepping aside and letting my mother continue with a man he knew was wrong for her would be the greatest regret of his life. I was not going to make the same mistake.

The second heart stopping call started with Renee in tears and me confused. I could barely understand her; she was talking so fast and crying in between. I had to make her take a deep breath and start over at least twice. Apparently, once again, she had jumped to conclusions. Bella wasn't pregnant. I danced a fucking jig hearing the news. I must have looked like a frickin' idiot to my neighbors….phone in hand and full on touch-down-celebration dance in my driveway in full uniform. Thank God, there would be some chance, no matter how small, that she would get away from that prick and wise up. She has to see that she has so much potential in her future. The only thing that Edward Cullen can offer her is a future full of domestic violence and heartache. Still, finding out that she wasn't pregnant was the best phone call of my life. Too bad the euphoria was short lived.

I knew something was wrong the second the phone started ringing. Nothing good ever comes from a phone conversation that wakes you up before the ass crack of dawn. By the third ring I'd rolled over and grabbed my phone, knocking my alarm clock and a half-full glass of water off the night stand in the process. I grumbled a few obscenities and looked at the caller ID but my eyes wouldn't focus enough to see who it was.

"Hello?" I asked my voice rough from lack of sleep.

"Charlie?" It was Renee and she sounded…off.

"Yeah." Who the hell else would be answering my home phone at this hour?

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes...but it's alright." I said as I sat up in bed. Damn that woman and the power she still held over me.

"Pull a night shift?"

"Yes." I sighed. Where was this leading? Renee wasn't the type to make small talk. She usually just jumped right to the point in a rush of words that took me twice as long to process as it did for her to say it.

"Oh." I rolled my eyes, getting highly annoyed.

"Out with it Renee." I waited. It seemed like forever that I just sat there, in silence. I started to panic. "Is something wrong with Bella? Is she hurt? Damn…she isn't really pregnant is she?"

"No, Charlie, she's not hurt and she's not pregnant."

"Then what the hell is wrong?" I was trying to control my temper but Bella was involved and Renee was holding out on me.

"I don't know…." She sighed in frustration. "Look…I'm in Forks."

"I'm sorry…I don't think I heard you correctly. I believe you just said that you were in  _Forks_?" I sat up ram rod straight in bed, not believing my ears.

"No…you heard me right. I arrived a couple hours ago…"

"What's going on? Is Bella with you?"

"No…I need to talk to you. Face to face. Do you have some time?"

"Is this about Bella?" Why didn't she just fucking spit it out already?

"I just need to meet with you."

"Yes, of course I have time. " I felt like a time-bomb was ticking over my head. She was holding something back and scaring the shit out of me. Obviously this  _was_ about Bella.

"Alright, I'll be there in about an hour. Is that okay?" I mumbled a 'yes' as I pulled myself out of bed and she disconnected the call. I had no idea what this was concerning. If something serious had happened to Bella, Renee would have contacted me immediately, right? She would've just told me, right? An expensive spur-of-the-moment trip wasn't required. A simple phone call would have done the job and wouldn't have caused all the panic.

"No." I said to myself, shaking my head. Renee hadn't set foot in this house since the day she left me. Only something extreme would send her running to Forks and back into my home.  _Our home_. I dressed myself; I must have changed my shirt three damn times. I don't know why I still care what she thinks…but I obviously do. I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a pot of some good old fashion trucker coffee. I had a feeling I was going to need to be alert for whatever was coming my way.

The coffee was so strong; the spoon could almost stand up on its own. My stomach was going to make me regret this later but my head needed the caffeine rush. I leaned against the counter and surveyed the kitchen. The sink was filled to the brim with dirty dishes and the table was piled high with mail and newspapers. I haven't bothered to clean up lately. It was the last thing on my mind. When Bella was here, I'd taken advantage of her tidiness and now this house was a disaster. Had I done nothing right as a father? I'd come to expect my house to stay clean and to be fed while she was here. No wonder she hated me.

I straightened up the kitchen and the living room as best I could in the short time frame. I ended up throwing most of my clutter in the hall closet. It was a temporary Band-Aid but it would work for now. I could see Bella, hands on her lips, clicking her tongue at my complete lack of house cleaning abilities. Damn…I really missed my little girl.

Before long, I heard the crunch of tires on my driveway. I peeked out the window and watched her talk to herself while sitting in the ugliest teal rental car I've ever seen. Who the hell picks a teal rental car? Only Renee…

She was clearly giving herself a pep talk. Trying to convince herself that it would be alright to enter the house she abandoned almost seventeen years ago. I saw her make a hand gesture; as if she was saying 'okay, it's now or never'. She quickly peaked at her reflection in the rear view mirror and smiled weakly.

Renee looked as beautiful as ever climbing out of that car. Her hair was short, but the same reddish brown color as Bella's. I'd never stopped loving her. She held this power over me that I'd never been able to shake. I felt my breath stop just looking at her. My hand clutched my chest as I continued to watch her make her way to the door. I really missed her all these years. I was glad she was happy…but so regretful that it couldn't have been with me. I never tried to prevent her from taking Bella and leaving me. I saw the spark leave her eyes as she tried to stay the happy housewife, in a town that she hated, for me. I couldn't watch her dim until no light was left inside her. I didn't want Edward to do the same thing to Bella; forever trapping her in an unsatisfying life, killing her spirit and leaving her with a child to raise.

I didn't wait for her to knock; I opened the door just as she stepped on the porch. "Hello, Renee." I said abruptly. She jumped at the sound of my voice.

"Oh…Charlie. You startled me." She explained as she rested a hand at her throat. We studied each other for a few minutes. Now that I was close up, I could see the strain on her face. Her eyes were bloodshot, her nose was raw. Even now it pained me to see her upset. Instinctively, I wanted to reach out to her but I held my hand to my side.

I finally broke the silence. "Well, come on in." I stepped to the side and gestured for her to walk in the house. Renee granted me a small smile and made her way towards the kitchen. She took some time surveying the room.

"It's still yellow." she muttered. "The house hasn't changed one bit."

"No, I guess not. Haven't seen any real reason to change it. I'm not home much."

"Oh. Right." An awkward silence passed between us. We looked everywhere but at each other. I shuffled my feet and crossed my arms, glancing over to the counter.

"Coffee?"

"Yes please." Renee seemed relieved to have something neutral to occupy the time. I made her a cup, sweetening it the way I remembered she liked it and she took a seat at the table. Renee took a small sip and sighed. "You remembered…"

"Yeah...well…Bella likes it almost the same way. I used to chuckle and tell her she was so much like you..." I stopped myself. More awkward silence. This waiting was killing me. "Why are you here Renee?"

"Charlie, why don't you sit down?" I let out an annoyed sigh and took a seat in the chair across from her.

"I came here to talk to you…about Bella."

"I figured as much. But why did you need to fly all the way up here, without notice, to talk about Bella?" I laid my hands flat on the table, "What's wrong? Is she hurt? She didn't try anything did she? Are you sure she's still not pregnant? Where the fuck is she?" I bombarded her with questions.

"She's…fine. No, she isn't pregnant and she didn't attempt anything." That "anything" was loaded…we both knew I was referencing her past attempt at hurting herself. She still didn't say where Bella was, I hadn't missed that fact.

"Then you'd better tell me what the hell is going on." I was a little more than irritated.

"I want to know why you hate Edward."

"Excuse me?" I pushed out my chair ready to get up. Why the hell was she stalling? "I believe we've had this conversation. Numerous times."

Renee grabbed my hand firmly, "Well, then we are going to have it again." My jaw dropped in shock. Either Renee lost her damn mind or there was something being kept from me. Possibly both. I was about to start demanding answers when I heard several cars pull into my driveway. I shot Renee a curious glance and checked out the window. Renee still held onto my hand.

It took me a few seconds before I processed that those cars all belonged to Cullens. I watched as the whole family, plus Jasper and Rosalie climbed out and stepped onto my porch. There was only one missing. Edward. I turned back to Renee, my temper flaring. I tried to tug my hand out of her grasp but she held on steady. "What the fuck is going on here? Why are  _they_  here?" She didn't answer; instead she gave me a tight squeeze and let go of my hand. She moved toward the door, letting them in like she still lived here. I was frozen in my seat. I heard whispers but I wasn't able to make out the words.

Carlisle followed Renee into my kitchen; he looked tired, worried. The rest of his family went in the direction of my living room. "Hello Charlie." He greeted me, holding out his hand.

"Carlisle." I gave a curt nod, ignoring his attempted handshake. "Why exactly are you here?"

"Well, I…we…needed to talk to you; about Bella and Edward. Renee and I thought it would be better if we were all present for this discussion." I stared; shock filled my eyes as they flitted back and forth between Carlisle and Renee. They both looked at one another seemingly trying to judge what I was thinking. Then it all clicked into place.

"You…you planned this?" My voice rose. "You two have been talking behind my back?" The anger in my voice caused Renee to flinch and Emmett came around the corner, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I felt betrayed. These people had all come together to make decisions about my daughter and had left me out of the loop.

"Chief Swan…" Emmett began. At least he had enough sense to no longer call me Charlie. The bond between us that formed over working on Bella's truck had quickly disappeared after I realized he'd been covering for Bella and Edward. It was a shame really, I genuinely liked the kid. I liked them all honestly, Alice made me laugh with her quirky ways, and Rose...well…she definitely made an old man's heart flutter. I had enjoyed having them all around the house, keeping me and Bella company. I,d missed them almost as much as I missed Bella…almost. "Would you come into the living room please? There are some things we'd like to show you." Emmett asked quietly. I clenched my brow together at his suggestion. Where does he get off?

"You do realize you're all in  _my_  house right?" I snapped. Ambushed in my own home. Like some kind of fucking intervention. Alice popped her head out from behind Emmett's enormous frame.

"Please Chief Swan. We just need to show you some things, and then we'll leave you alone." Her voice was so tiny, uncharacteristic of her. She was usually quite the bubbly little noise maker, seeing her subdued seemed unnatural. I scanned the faces of the crowd before me. Fourteen eyes all pleading with me. Renee whispered a soft 'please' and it broke me. Her eyes welled with tears and I tightened my jaw. Damn that woman and her hold over me.

"Make it quick." I looked away so they wouldn't see my complete resignation. There was a collective sigh of relief and everyone shuffled to the living room. I followed reluctantly. The TV was all set up to play a movie, which I didn't understand. I was exhausted, annoyed as all freaking hell, and they wanted me to watch a damn movie? I took a seat on the couch while the rest remained standing. This definitely felt like an episode of Intervention. I eyed them all warningly. Alice pushed play on the DVD player and stepped away delicately. I waited for the DVD to begin before a grainy picture came into focus. The image of Michael Newton, half naked and tied to a chair came on the screen. "What the hell is this?" I demanded, trying to get up, Carlisle stopped me by placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Just listen, please." Carlisle said. "It's not pleasant, but it's important." Shrugging my shoulder free, I sat back down and turned toward the TV again. I watched in disgust as Michael cried and begged to be let go.

"Did Edward have a hand in this?"

"No, sir, it was all me and Jasper." Emmett admitted. "Newton... attacked Bella one day at her locker. We were paying him back. Edward had nothing to do with it; he's never even seen this."

"Michael attacked Bella?" I couldn't fathom it. Well, it seems I couldn't fathom much lately. What more of my daughter's life was there that I was unaware of? How did I ever become Chief of Police when I didn't even know my own child was almost sexually assaulted?

"Yes, sir, and Edward protected her." Instead of making me feel comforted, as Emmett more than likely planned, this pissed me off. I turned back to the TV screen. What I heard next made my disgust turn into shock. Michael openly admitted to helping Jessica come up with fake rape charges against Edward. I let my mouth hang open in disbelief. I had no words. The TV went black as I tried to process this information. I always knew Jessica was a bit…nuts…to put it simply, but making a false police report? That seemed far-fetched.

"There's more…" Rose said as her and Alice both handed me papers. There were pictures; disgusting pictures of Jessica in compromising positions with a variety of male accomplices, pictures of her engaging in illegal activities, quotes of her basically calling me a moron. I looked over what Alice handed me; it was a series of emails from Tanya, admitting that she recalled the night of the accident and Edward never touched her. I didn't know what to make of all this. My expression must have caused some worry; Renee sat down next to me, resting her hand over mine as I read everything over and over.

"Charlie, we need you to understand that Edward hasn't done any of the things you believe he has. For Bella's sake. He isn't the person you think he is. He loves Bella and would go to the ends of the Earth for her."

But that didn't mean anything, I thought. They both lied to me. I was disrespected in my own home.

"You couldn't have shown all this to me months ago? You couldn't have brought this to my attention when it all began? That would have been the mature thing, the responsible thing." I shouted. "Instead you all banded together, let Edward and Bella sneak around behind my back. You lied!" I glared at Carlisle and Esme. "Did you know Edward was sneaking in here at night? Did you know they were having unprotected sex?"

"We weren't aware of it at the time, but we know now. And we just found out about this evidence recently. The boys didn't feel like the tape alone would convince you and the girls have only had this information for a couple of days. You have no idea how…regretful…Esme and I are that we didn't take more control over the situation." Carlisle explained. "You need to understand that Edward is a decent, loving boy and he would never do anything to physically harm Bella. He'd never harm  _any_  woman. Bella brought out the best in him." Carlisle paused, taking Esme's hand in his. "And I think he brought out the best in Bella too. You had to have seen it. The change that they went through, because of each other, is incredible." My temper was flaring. All the lies, the sneaking around, Edward threatening me, were just supposed to be forgotten because they showed me a video and some pictures?

I shook my head, "You're too late. I've made my decision about Bella. She stays in Phoenix, which is what's best for her. She's too young for this kind of relationship. She already came close to ruining her life because of Edward; I refuse to let her do it again!" I got up and started to pace the room.

"Charlie…please you need to rethink this…" Esme begged.

"No! What's done is done. Now, I appreciate all this information. I will investigate these claims about Jessica, but Bella is my daughter and my decision is final. Now, if you'd all please get the hell out of my house."

"She's my daughter too Charlie!" Renee yelled, reaching for my arm. "I have the right to make decisions for her too!"

I backed away, "You gave up that right when you gave up on her the first time!" I retaliated. "You sent her to me when you couldn't deal with her depression anymore."

"And you sent her back because she fell in love! You couldn't handle that she's not your baby girl anymore!"

Renee tried moving toward me again but I backed away more, "Just stop." I ended, closing my eyes taking a deep breath."Where is this sudden change coming from? When did you start questioning this? You were just as terrified as I was! You were perfectly willing to follow my lead on keeping Bella away from Edward! You swore to stand by me. You didn't want her ending up like you." I shouted, pointing my finger in her direction.

She recoiled at that last statement. Her eyes flashed in anger, she straightened her back, squaring her shoulders as she prepared to give me a verbal lashing.

" **I**  am just fine. My life is just the way I want it. I have a loving husband and a beautiful daughter…or at least I did. You want to know what suddenly changed my mind?" She glanced around the room before she blurted out, "Edward and Bella ran away together!" My heart stopped, my jaw dropped.

"What?" I somehow managed to squeak out as I slumped back on the couch. Renee walked up to me, staring me in the eye.

"After you went flying over to the Cullen's house like a mad-man, spouting off that Bella was pregnant, Edward drove all the way down to Phoenix. Bella left with him! He proposed to her and she said yes! They aren't planning on returning until they are both eighteen and married. Because of  _you_  and your ridiculous hatred, we've lost our daughter! You are the one that 'fucked up her life' Charlie, not Edward." Renee's accusation hung in the air. I felt sick. Rage boiled inside as I finally realized what exactly was the motivation for this "meeting of the minds".

"You're blaming me?" I jumped to my feet. "You're blaming me for the actions of two reckless teenagers? You want me to change my opinions about Edward, yet he's breaking the law right now! Dragging my daughter down with him! They are minors; do you people realize just how dangerous this all is? Are you all just that…stupid?" Renee was the only one willing to fight back, the rest stayed silent.

"You think I'm not scared shitless right now? My daughter took off, only leaving me with a note and a phone call saying goodbye. I haven't slept in days! Every time my cell rings, I'm praying it's her. Praying that it's not a hospital calling to tell me she's been hurt or worse. Praying that she's come to her senses. You think the Cullens aren't worried about Edward? He took off without a goodbye. They didn't learn about this until after he was gone. He drained his savings, neither one of them plan on coming back anytime soon, all because you're an asshole!"

This was too much. Standing in front of Renee as she effectively killed my every reserve was too much. Her accusations, though they seemed valid to her, were bullshit to me.

"I'm an asshole? Are you fucking kidding me?" I couldn't believe what she was saying. I opened my mouth to start again, but Renee waved her hand, cutting me off.

"No, you don't get to talk. You get to listen. Now sit!"

I looked at her dumb-founded.

"I said, sit." I turned and sat back on the couch, seething. I kept my eyes on the floor as she continued.

"Yes, at first, I was behind you 100% but as I watched my sweet daughter crumble, I realized I've got to think more about her and less about what I want. She flat out told me that if I made her choose between me and Edward, she'd choose him. And you know what? I don't blame her. I was a horrible excuse for a mother when she lost Jake. I told her to suck it up and get over it because  _ **I**_  didn't understand. Because  _ **I**_ couldn't help her. Because  _ **I**_  didn't want everyone to think  _ **my**_  daughter had issues. I sent her away when all she needed was my love. You weren't any better. Both of us were so concerned with ourselves that we pushed aside any hope she had of getting her voice heard. They are the ones that helped her when we failed as parents." She gestured to the Cullens. "…and Edward. They showed me pictures of her and Edward together, and the spark in her eyes was amazing. It literally took my breath away. It was something I never saw before, not even when she was with Jake. You think Edward is going to destroy her? He's what brought her back to life. He's the only that keeps her going. He's the reason she wants a future, a college education, a family. And you ruined it… and I helped. If I could take it all back, I would. I'd send her to live with the Cullens instead of you. They are ten times the parents we are." Tears streamed down her face. "All I want is my daughter back, and if I have to go over your head I will." Renee finally let the tears fall, and Esme wrapped her in a hug, giving her a shoulder to cry on.

Everyone watched me expectantly. Like I was going to have some major epiphany, like this was going to change everything. I was just supposed to forgive and forget. Never mind the fact that my underage daughter took off to marry this asshole. Even if he wasn't a woman-hitter or a rapist, he was still a jerk. His attitude sucks and I can't see him putting my daughter first before his own selfish needs and wants. She'll still get hurt in the end.

I was furious.

Carlisle stepped forward; bring his hands together in front of his chest, a gesture someone might make if they were praying. "Charlie, I know that this is a rather…well…for lack of a better word, fucked up situation. We know what Edward has done is wrong. He and Bella rushing off to get married is a stupid idea. We are terrified, for both of them. We just want them safe at home. Edward has a significant amount of money and if he thinks that you are going to try to separate them again he will keep running."

"Bella lied. She snuck a boy into my house. She punched Jessica Stanley, almost got pregnant and now she's God knows where doing God knows what. All because of Edward. Those are things I cannot over look."

"Did you see the transformation Bella went through because of Edward? We saw the effect Bella had on him and it was amazing. The love that they have for each other rivals most marriages. I know that Edward has a lot of marks against him, but if you could just give him a chance. He's not perfect but you've got to realize he's a young man dealing with this entire town, including you, thinking he's a monster. I think that would make me a little defensive too. He's nothing less than a son to me, and I want him safe at home. I want Bella home. We love her too." Carlisle dropped his hands and paused, "She could even come live with us…"

I couldn't even let him finish the sentence, "The hell she is!" I roared. "Who do you people think you are? Bella is my family and until she's eighteen she follows my rules. And you can guarantee that Edward will be held responsible for this, and all the money and expensive lawyers you can get won't be able to save him this time."

"You may be her father but you are not family. At least not in the way it counts." Alice piped up from the corner. I whipped my head around. Alice took a step forward, "No offense to you, Renee, but we picked up the slack for both of you and held Bella's hand through it all. You have no idea what she went through Chief Swan. No idea what Edward and Bella mean to each other."

"You know what Alice. I don't care. I did the best I could, given the situation. I'm sick of feeling like the bad guy in this. I want you all to get the fuck out of my house." None of them so much as moved an inch. This was outrageous. I got up and pointed in the direction of the door, "I said out!"

"I'm not going anywhere until my daughter is home." Renee stated. I glared at her as she stood up to me.

"Oh, you can bet I'm bringing her ass home, and then sticking you and her on the first flight back to Phoenix!" I stormed out of the living room, grabbing my car keys in the process. "I don't expect you to be here when I get back." I said directly to Carlisle and his family over my shoulder. "And take that shit with you. I don't want it in my house." Referring to the DVD of Mike Newton.

I needed to leave. I would go to the station and search for every damn relative the Cullen's had. Someone had to know something. Two minors couldn't stay hidden forever. I slammed open the front door, causing the mirror on the wall to fall and shatter. Just exactly what I needed, seven years of bad luck.

I was halfway to my cruiser when Renee came sprinting out the door. She stopped in front of me, blocking my way. "Fuck you Charlie!" She screamed as she pushed against my chest. "You know what's going to happen? Bella is going to hate you. Cut you completely out of her life. You really want that? You want to miss your chance to see her graduate? To walk her down the aisle at her wedding? You want to miss watching your grandchildren being born? I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it!"

"That's enough with the hysterics." I gently grabbed her shoulders and removed her from my path. She was throwing a damn tantrum in my yard, for the entire world to see. Drama time at the Swan Residence again.

"I wonder exactly what your grandfather is thinking right now. I hope to God he's not watching right now, because he'd be ashamed to see you pulling this shit." I stopped walking and felt shivers crawl up my spine. Bringing up my grandfather was hitting below the belt. Renee came around me again.

"Watch it…" I warned, holding a finger up for her to not say another word. It didn't work.

"He'd be disgusted. He was the best part of your childhood. Are you willing to throw away that kind of relationship someday with your own grandchild, for what? Because you don't like your daughter's boyfriend. Edward is not like your father. He's a victim of lies and manipulation. He's a good kid that got wrapped up with the wrong girl…twice. I think that would make me a little cynical too." I started to walk around her and she could tell I wasn't going to change my mind.

"You know what? My father loved you and look how we turned out." I had a thousand things to say, but I bit them all back. I felt the old pinpricks of loneliness and hurt bite at my insides. She was throwing everything in my face from our past. It wasn't fair. But fighting with Renee wasn't going to get me anywhere. I continued on my way and opened the door of the cruiser to climb in. Renee reached out and yanked the door out of my grasp. "You're an idiot. You're going to lose your daughter. If I could talk to her right now, I'd tell her to keep running. Just to fucking spite you. I hope she never speaks to you again. I hope you can live with yourself after this." With that, she slammed the door closed with all her strength, almost breaking my hand in the process.

I didn't know where I was going. I took off, anger blinding me as I sped down the street. I had no idea where to go. I couldn't let the guys at the station see me like this. I was normally the calm and collected one.

I drove, replaying the horrible confrontation over and over in my mind. Renee never screamed at me before. Even during our worst fights she never spoke to me like that. I couldn't believe they all ambushed me. They were disrespecting me as father and as an officer of the law.

I couldn't believe that a girl as smart as Bella was doing something as dumb as running off to get married. I always figured her to be the one that would wait until after she had her degree and a great job to get married.

I was on autopilot, following the back roads, not paying attention to where they were leading me. All I  _needed_  to do was to calm down. All I  _wanted_  to do was find Edward and rip his damn head off. I made a turn down a small, tree covered road and it was several seconds before I realized just where I was heading.

The playground. It was an old playground hidden in the woods. Not much there but some swings, a teeter-totter, a couple of donkeys on a spring that always fell to the left whenever Bella would try to rock on them, and an old metal slide that would light your ass on fire if you slid down it in the summer without pants or a blanket under you. I used to take Bella there during her summer visits. It had a creek that ran through the middle; we'd spend hours trying to catch tadpoles and numerous other weird things that called the creek their home. Bella loved walking over the little wooden bridge that joined the two sides of the playground. I smiled at the memory. It was tradition, we went there every Saturday and Sunday morning while she visited, until her girl genes kicked in and that kind of thing was too childish. That was around the time that the summer visits dropped from a month down to just a couple weeks.

That was when she really stopped being my little girl. I just couldn't admit it. I've been trying to keep her 6 for the past 11 years. She was bound to grow up, no matter what I did…I just didn't want to see it.

I pulled to a stop in front of the swing set. I could still picture a tiny Bella in pigtails and overalls begging me to push her higher. I missed those days, but doesn't every father? They never want to let go of their baby girls.

Would I be acting this way if it was any other boy? If it was Jacob?

No, you jackass, she wouldn't be running if it was any other boy. The Devil perched on my shoulder reminded me. She just had to choose him.

I sat for hours, staring at ghosts of my daughter and I in happier times. Running over everything that was shared with me today. They had all been right about one thing, Bella's transformation was amazing. I'd never thought to question it. I took it for granted, I just figured she woke up one day and decided to move on with her life. I was so blind. I was no better then what I accused Renee of being when she sent Bella to live with me. Except I didn't verbally tell her to get over Jacob. I just ignored her hurt. I ignored the pain she was going through. She had to get help from the outside and her savior was Edward. I wasn't enough for her.

The truth was, no matter how much "evidence" they laid before me, I'd probably never like Edward. I would never think he was good enough for my Bella. I could be grateful to him for bringing the spark back to Bella and helping her through the nightmare her mother and I left her to stew in. But could I ever forgive him his bad attitude, his temper, his lying and sneaking around. For Bella's happiness and safety I could cast a blind eye to those things right?

The last thing I wanted to do was give up my chances at watching Bella go through her adult life. I wanted to be there for all the events Renee threw in my face. Graduation, her wedding… grandchildren. If those things absolutely had to include Edward, I guess I would have to learn to live with that. It would be a slow road but for Bella I'd walk around the world.

For now, I just needed to get the kids home before something happened.

I left the playground much calmer than when I arrived. I glanced back at the ghosts and shed a tear as I told them goodbye. I could only hope I'd get to make new memories with Bella. I wasn't happy about the decision I was about to make, but part of being a parent is making sacrifices for your child. I've always know that but it was time I started practicing what I'd been preaching. If Carlisle and Esme swore that Edward would never harm Bella, well, then I'd have to trust them. I hated saying that but it's what I had to do.

I walked into the station, not speaking to anyone and going straight to my office. I pulled out Edward's file and did a search for his relatives. Jesus, they had family all over the country. I zeroed in on Chicago, I knew that was where the Cullen's moved here from, and I faintly remembered Alice mentioning grandparents there. I picked up a pen and tapped it against my teeth, scanning over the documents. I found right away what I was looking for.

Eleazar and Carmen Platt. I found the number and took a very deep breath before dialing. I couldn't believe I was actually going through with this. The phone only rang once before a tense female voice answered. "Hello, Platt residence."

"Yes, Hello. Mrs. Platt? This is Police Chief Swan from the Forks…"

"Bella's father!" She interrupted.

"Yes! You know Bella? Is she there? Is she safe?"

"She's here, and she's fine. You have quite the daughter, Chief Swan. I'm really hoping that you are calling to tell her that she and Edward can come home. Because as we speak, they are trying to repack the car in secret. They are getting ready to run again and though I don't support their decision, if something happens to them, I will personally come to Forks to hold you responsible." I was stunned into a momentary silence. Not many people spoke to me like that, but today just seemed like 'lets forget the badge and title and just have at him' day.

I cleared my throat, "I understand Ma'am."

"I can run and get Bella, but only if you promise not to upset her." I was required to promise a perfect stranger not to upset my own daughter? I sighed; she wasn't who I had in mind.

"Actually, I was hoping I could speak with Edward."

"Oh…well…okay." The uncertainty was clear in her voice.

" With all due respect ma'am, I promise not to….purposefully…upset him either." I gritted my teeth against this promise I might not be able to keep. This is for Bella, not you, I reminded myself.

"Hold on please." I heard her set the phone down and call out for Edward. I ran my lines through my head, trying to make them sound believable and not just as a ploy to get them home. I heard shuffling by the phone and my heart rate picked up.  _Be good, Charlie...stay calm_.

"Yes?" Edward said slowly.

"Edward. It's Charlie."

"I know who this is." There was a quick flare up of a temper at his smartass tone. I guess it was to be expected. I braced for the words that I didn't want to say.

"We need to talk…about you kids coming home."


	35. Chapter 35

**EDWARD**

I cradled Bella in my arms wiping her tears away with the hundredth tissue. I just kept rubbing her back and trying to pretend everything was going to work out just fine; like I had a plan. Truth was, I had no fucking clue what we were going to do. I was pissed, I was anxious… I was scared.

At this very moment Charlie was probably taking the fastest mode of transportation to come fucking arrest my ass and send Bella away to Timbuktu. We had to leave and get a jump start and we had to do it now. I hated disappointing my grandparents, they were willing to bend over backwards for us, but I wasn't willing to risk us being torn apart again. Neither one of us could take being forced apart again. She hadn't fared much better than I did last time. Trust me; there was no way in fucking hell I was going to let her go through that again.

"We need to leave," I whispered into her hair. Bella grasped onto me a little tighter, burying her head in my chest.

"Wherever we go, Charlie will just keep looking for us. He won't stop." Her voice was breaking; it twisted my heart to hear her so terrified and of her own father at that.

"He won't take you from me again. I swear on my fucking life," I gently adjusted her so I could see her face. "I have family all over the world, Bella. Charlie's reach is only so far. I just need you to trust me."

"Edward, of course I trust you. It's Charlie I don't trust. If anything ever happened to you, I'd…."

"Then let's not wait any longer." I cut her off because I couldn't bear to hear her say the rest of that thought.

"What about your Grandparents? They've been so nice…." She trailed off, tears welling in her eyes again.

"I know, but I don't want your father to have any reason to fuck with them. It's not fair to have them punished for helping us." She nodded, wiping her new tears away with a swipe of her hand.

"I'll start packing." She wiggled out of my arms, getting up from the bed. I sat and watched her move swiftly around the room. I knew any offer to help would get shot the fuck down so I didn't bother. Bella liked to do busy work when she was faced with impending doom. As I sat and watched I contemplated where in the fuck we could go next. I really did have family all over the world, from both sides. I packed my passport in a last second stroke of clarity, but I wasn't sure if Bella had one. It took months to get one; she probably wouldn't even get it until after her birthday and then it wouldn't be needed. We'd be free.

For now, we had to choose someplace relatively close but not obvious to Charlie. There was family in Rochester, New York and we could be there in a day. After that, who knows? Maybe New York City; it was easy to hide out in NYC.

Bella repacked our bags and returned to her place next to me on the bed. "Ready?" She sounded like a prisoner about to take her death walk. Who knows, maybe we both were heading for damnation.

"Yeah." I took her hand and laced my fingers through hers. "Pop and Gran will try and convince us to stay. We'll go out the back stairs through the laundry room and hope they don't hear us. I figured we'd go to New York. It's only about a nine or ten hour drive. We'll be there sometime in the morning."

"That sounds fine," she said quietly. The distressed tone of her voice told me it wasn't fine. Even though we finally got a decent night's sleep, she still looked exhausted. The stress of the whole situation wore down on us more than I thought. I wasn't fucking taking care of her like I should be, and it was only going to get worse now that Charlie knew. I rested my hand on her cheek; she automatically turned into my touch.

"Bella…..we can stop running. We can go home right now if you want," I said softly. She looked at me like I was fucking nuts.

"My home is wherever you are, Edward." she stated simply.

I closed my eyes and smiled, she was my home too.

"I love you," she pleaded. "I'm not going to give up because it's difficult," she turned her head and gave the palm of my hand a chaste kiss.

"I love you Bella. I promise it won't always be like this."

"I know." Bella smiled up at me. It was a tired smile, a little forced, but her eyes sparkled at me and that was all that fucking mattered.

"Let's go." We got up, hand in hand and grabbed our bags. I led her to the back stairs that went down to the laundry room and out behind the garage. It was already starting to get dark and I hoped that would work in our favor. I hated just fucking bailing on my grandparents, but I knew they would understand.

I crawled into the passenger's side and Bella handed me the bags. Her face was still glistening from her tears; the sight of it making my stomach twist into knots. I knew Bella would follow me to the fucking ends of the earth if I asked her too; I would do the same, but was it fair to ask her to give up her whole fucking family for me? Now that we'd been found out, running again would be the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. This would forever destroy her and her father's relationship.

She caught me watching her, and blew me a kiss. "Stop worrying. I go where you go and vice versa. If they won't accept that, then they aren't my real family," she reassured me. I smiled down at her, her lips forming into a smile that matched mine. Mirror images of each other. Always.

We had just finished shoving everything back into the back of the Jeep when Gran came running out the front door. "Shit," I mumbled. She was going to beg us to stay, and I was going to have to break my Gran's heart. Fucking Charlie.

"Edward, stop!" I scooted out of the car and walked towards her, Bella followed, stuck at my side.

"Gran, I'm sorry but…"

"Charlie's on the phone." Bella and I froze. I'm pretty fucking sure my heart stopped. Bella's hand tightened in mine.

"Charlie…my dad?" She shook her head, confused.

"Yes. He just called and he wants to talk to Edward."

"Hell fucking no," I shouted, probably a little too loudly.

Gran pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, "Edward, language."

"I'm not talking to that ass…"

"Zip it." She made a snapping motion across her lips and I wasn't sure if I should shut up or bust out laughing. She sorta reminded me of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers. "Your Pop and I agreed to help you, but you have to play along. Charlie has promised me he's going to be…respectful. I expect  _you_  to do the same."

"Gran!" I felt like a ten year old who just got in trouble for something he didn't do because the neighbor kid told on him. "That man would probably promise you the freakin' moon if it got him closer to arresting me." I rolled my eyes and out of nowhere my Gran reached up and grabbed my earlobe, pinching it hard between her thumb and forefinger. "Ouch, what the hell?"

"You want to get married and be adults, then start acting like it. You march your sarcastic butt in there Edward Anthony, and talk to your fiancé's father. You need to work this out; I refuse to have my grandson and future granddaughter-in-law living out of a Jeep. Now man-up. Go on, get in there." she finished.

I hesitated, looking to Bella for assistance but she was still standing there, mouth open, in shock. Gran tugged hard on my ear, jerking my head. "Now!"

"Ok, ok! I'll talk to him but I'm not making any promises."

She released my ear and gestured for me to walk ahead of her. I rubbed my ear because, damn, that hurt. Gran still had some strong fingers. Arthritis my ass.

I looked back, "Bella?"

She didn't move. "Love? Come on. Let's get this over with," I prodded her gently, pulling slightly on her hand. Her cheeks were wet again but she followed me silently into the house.

The cordless phone was sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter. I eyed it like a bomb about ready to explode. Waiting for me on the other end of that phone was the only thing standing between us and freedom. That was Charlie Swan.

I felt a pair of lips against the back of my hand. Bella was encouraging me, comforting me. I peeked back at her, gaining the strength I needed from the love I saw in her eyes. I picked up the phone and brought it to my ear, half expecting Charlie to come through the phone and shoot me. "Yes?" I said cautiously.

"Edward. It's Charlie." I heard him say.

"I know who it is." I was being rather fucking snarky in my tone but seriously what did he expect?

"We need to talk…about you kids coming home."

I snorted. "Yeah, come home so you can throw my ass in jail and send Bella to a convent in Siberia? I don't think so. You're an asshole." He had no response for that one; Charlie just cleared his throat and continued.

"Ok. I guess I deserved that one," he said through what I assumed to be gritted teeth. He just had that tone about him.

"You fucking deserve a lot more than that. You sent Bella away. Like she was a fucking possession. You called her a slut; you just gave up on her. You'd be lucky if Bella ever spoke to you again, let alone come home. "

"Look you little shit. I didn't fucking call you to be verbally abused."

"Fine. This was a nice conversation, Charlie. We'll have to do it again sometime. Bye." I moved to put the phone down, but Charlie started yelling.

"Wait, wait!" he called.

I brought the phone back to my ear and waited. It was a very long minute before he spoke again. "I realize that what I did was….hasty," Charlie cleared his throat. "And it hurt Bella more than it helped but I'm not going to apologize for wanting to protect my daughter."

"You still don't fucking get it do you? I would never fucking hurt her!"

"Would you just shut up and let me finish!" Charlie yelled.

There was a brief moment of silence before Charlie let out a heavy sigh. "Your family and my ex-wife have…tried to convince me that you're worth my daughter's time. They haven't fully convinced me yet but they have made me realize that my hate for you is going to make me lose Bella. I don't want to miss out on her life. I've missed out on way too much of it already. If I have to put up with you and your bullshit to keep her around, then I guess I'll have to live with it."

"Wow Charlie, that just warms my fucking heart." I didn't trust him.

"How about you stop being a smartass punk for two minutes and think about Bella. Stop being selfish. You'll have your family no matter what, but are you really going to make Bella give up hers? You'll be exactly the person I assumed you to be. A selfish prick."

That hit a sour note with me. During this whole thing, what I worried about the most was Bella regretting the loss of her family. I knew she missed Charlie, the way he _used_  to be at least. She talked in her sleep and, since we ran away, it usually centered around either me or Charlie and her mom.

I glanced over at my Bella. She was still clasping onto my hand, watching the conversation with wide eyes. No doubt she could hear Charlie's half. I squeezed her hand and she returned the gesture. "I want what Bella wants."

"Then let her come home." That little request just pissed me the fuck off. He was still assuming the worst about me.

"I'm not fucking stopping her from coming home! She's with me because she chooses to be. I've offered to take her home numerous times!" I stopped, raking my hand through my hair. I glanced down at Bella and she bit her lip. I used my free hand and gently released her lip with my thumb. I could see the strain in her eyes. I hated it. "Fuck, Charlie, you think you know what Bella wants and you have no fucking clue."

"I know she doesn't want to be running for the rest of her life." Charlie still couldn't admit the fact that he was the cause of all of this. He was still pinning it all on me.

"We  _wouldn't_  be running if  _you_  weren't such a fucking ass."

"Enough!" He screamed in my ear. "What do you want to hear? That I was a horrible father? Fine! I'm a sorry excuse for a dad. I never should have sent Bella away. I should have done more to help her when she needed me. I should have realized that you and your family were the ones helping her. I should be grateful that you turned her life around," he paused and in almost a whisper he continued. "I should have listened to her." There was an awkward pause and Charlie's breathing picked up. Was he fighting back tears? "I just want her safe at home, Edward. Please. I know you hate me and that's understandable, you aren't exactly an upstanding citizen in my eyes either but I just want my daughter back. I'll…I'll let you two be together."

Wait…what?

"Did you just say…?" I shot a confused look over to Bella. "I don't fucking believe you." Unless aliens brainwashed Charlie or ate him and stole his body to use as a host, there was no way in fucking hell he would agree to that.

"I'm telling you the truth. Believe me, I don't fucking like it but I won't stop you two from having a relationship."

"If you hate the idea of us being together so much then why are you doing it?"

"Because…because I don't want to lose her. If I have to deal with you to have my little girl then I will. Whether you want to admit it or not, Edward, I love Bella….as much, if not more, than you do," he admitted.

"How do I know this isn't some fucking trick? How do I know you aren't just going to arrest me as soon as we get there?"

"You don't," he paused. "Look, I'm not entirely convinced that you are this stand up guy that everyone else seems to think you are. I still think you're a jerk and that someday, you are going to break Bella's heart but until that day comes, I'll….accept your relationship."

I didn't know how to respond. My brain was warning me, telling me this was a fucking trap but my gut was telling me the sincerity in his voice was real. He didn't deny that fact that he fucking despised me, yet he was willing to let us be together.

"What's the catch?" I asked cautiously.

"There is no catch, as long as you understand there are expectations," he replied.

"And what are those?"

"One, Bella comes home. Two, she finishes school. Three, you guys don't get married or pregnant. Four, she goes to the college that  _she_  wants to go to. Finally, you both follow any other restrictions I come up with."

"Restrictions…" I repeated. God only knows what his definition of restrictions was. I was almost afraid to ask. "And what may those be?"

"I'd rather we discuss that face to face and with all parties present. You, me, Bella, Renee and your family. " I remained silent as I debated this in my head.

"It's simple really, either you come home and take responsibility for your actions or you run… and I chase your ass to the ends of the earth, basically making your life a living hell. Your choice." Charlie wasn't giving me much of a fucking choice, was he?

"Actually, it's Bella's choice. You think this is solely about us wanting to be together, but it's also about how pissed off she is at you for treating her like shit and whether she's willing to forgive you."

Charlie breathed heavy into the phone, "That's between me and Bella. It doesn't concern you."

"Oh yes it fucking does. Everything in Bella's life concerns me. You know who is going to be there when you upset her again? Me." I was being such a smug asshole.

"Are you done intentionally trying to piss me off? Because I think I'm being pretty fucking reasonable right now." A frustrated growl escaped my lips. The fucker was right. He could've just shown up and drug my ass into his cruiser but instead he was trying to work something out.

"I'm…sorry." The sorry came out strangled and slightly pathetic. "Bella and I need to talk about this. We'll call you back."

"I'm trusting you to actually contact me. I'll give you an hour. If I don't hear from you guys by then, I'm coming to get Bella. Just call the station."

"Fine." I hung up the phone and turned to Bella. "Did you hear all of that?"

"Yes…" She absently chewed on her lip and averted her eyes.

"And?"

"Well, for starters it would be nice if you two didn't act like dogs fighting over the last bone. Me being the bone, of course." She glared at me and I started to chuckle.

"You're right. I'm sorry; your father just tends to bring out the worst in me." I pulled her into my arms and buried my face into her hair. Her scent calmed my nerves and allowed me to better process the fucking conversation I just had.

"We need to talk about this," I whispered.

"I know. Let's go somewhere private." I nodded in agreement with her, broke the embrace and grabbed her hand to guide her upstairs to our room. My grandparents were in the living room, quietly carrying on a conversation. They both stood as we passed by, worried looks overpowering their faces, but I held up my hand signaling them to stay put. Gran shot a sad smile and Pop nodded his head and sat down immediately. I guess he understood my need to make this decision alone with Bella.

We walked into the guest room and Bella closed the door behind us. We both curled up on the floor, leaning against the bed and each other. Our hands intertwined automatically. "Well, love….what do you want to do?"

Bella brushed some hair off her face before she spoke. "I want to…I think…fuck! I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do?" She found a loose carpet thread and started twirling it absently. "Do you think he was being honest? That he'll actually give us a break?"

"Well…" My mind replayed everything Charlie said. He fucking hated me and wasn't planning on changing anytime soon. However, I truly believe he was speaking from the heart. He admitted that what he did was wrong. I could understand his desperation to have Bella in his life. It was what made driving all the way to fucking Phoenix non-stop a reality.

"I believe he was telling the truth. For now anyway."

Bella continued to play with the carpet; her eyebrows scrunched together as she contemplated what I said. "It's up to you, love. Really. We can go home and deal with whatever fucked up restrictions your Dad comes up with, or we can keep running until your birthday. Either way, the Jeep is already packed."

"What do you want?" She took her eyes off the carpet and looked deep into my eyes. I could have gotten lost there, looking into her soulful eyes. I swear sometimes it's like looking at mother Earth herself. She is what grounded me; kept me tied to this life and the joys and trials of it. As long as I had her, everything else was trivial.

"You." I said in all honesty. "I'll deal with Charlie's fucking bullshit as long as I'm with you. As long as you want me that is."

"I'll always want you," she replied softly as she rested her head on my shoulder. "It would technically only be until my birthday…" she trailed off.

"Bella, I know you miss your Dad. You talk about him in your sleep. I've told you before…we can go home anytime you're ready."

Bella blinked and the tears spilled over her lashes for probably the millionth time today. God I hated seeing her cry. "I know my parents are fucked up, Edward, but….I do miss my Dad. I miss Alice and Emmett, Jasper and Rose. I miss Forks."

"So, that's a yes then? You want to go home?"

"Yes, I want to go home."

After a rather brief phone call to Charlie that basically consisted of me saying 'We'll be there in a few days', a lengthy phone call to Carlisle planning our return, and a mini celebration with the grandparents, Bella and I were cuddled up in bed. We were going to leave tomorrow but I, personally, was in no great rush. Carlisle and Esme made arrangements at two hotels along the way so that Bella and I could rest. I was going to take full advantage of the late checkout times. Charlie said he was going to let us be, but I'm sure our access to each other was going to be limited and supervised like we're a couple of fucking criminals. There defiantly wasn't going to be anymore sneaking in on the weekends. I wanted as much alone time with Bella as I could fucking get.

Bella had been relatively quiet since she agreed to go home. It was obvious she was nervous as fuck. Esme promised her that she would step in if Charlie tried to send her away again but I don't think it settled her unease.

I sang her to sleep and watched her toss and turn for most of the night. I had my doubts about this whole fucking thing but Carlisle had laid into me in his soft spoken way and I had to agree with him. Running had been fucking dumb and it was not the life Bella and I deserved. We had both worked very hard to change our lives around and it would be a fucking waste to throw it all away.

The next morning, Bella woke me up with a gentle kiss and a sad smile. "I love you," she whispered. There was something off in her voice; the words sounded more like a goodbye than a good morning.

"I love you too," I brushed my fingertips along her cheek. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. I know it's a lot to ask of you, Edward, but….he's my Dad," she raised her shoulders in a tiny shrug and continued. "He was a complete ass to me but I still love him. You, Alice and Emmett have been a wonderful family to me. Better than I could ever hope for…."

"But…you need to fix things with your actual family."

"Yes," she sighed, grateful that I understood. "That doesn't mean I don't still want you and the others as my family, you know that right?"

"Yes. Of course," I was confused by her sudden need to reassure me that I was still wanted. "You're kinda of freaking me the fuck out right now."

"Sorry. I…I don't want you to think that because I may agree to Charlie's restrictions that I'm giving up on us."

I pulled her face close to mine and looked deep into her eyes, "I would never think that, love."

"I'm nervous though, about the distance this might put between us."

"Bella, there was two thousand miles of distance between us before and it wasn't enough to keep us apart, now was it?"

"Yeah…I guess you're right," she agreed but didn't sound wholly convinced. I let the subject drop; we'd just deal with this one day at a time. It was about a day and a half drive back to Forks but with the reserved hotel stays, I estimated about three days.

I pulled Bella down for another kiss then we both got up to get dressed. Gran and Pop fixed us an enormous breakfast and packed a cooler full of food for the road. They were both proud that Bella and I decided to work things out with her father.

"So, we have a surprise for you guys," Pop started. "Your Gran and I talked about it...and…if you guys do decided to attend school in Chicago, we'll remodel the basement for you." We didn't know how to respond. We both just stood there dumbfounded. "When we first bought this place, the basement was originally an apartment that the owner rented out for extra income. We'd be happy to change it back and let you stay for as long as you need. It's…uh….relatively soundproof." He looked a bit uncomfortable and Gran started giggling at him.

"You'd really do that for us?" Bella asked, astonished.

"Of course honey. We think you two deserve it. Of course, Alice mentioned something about her and Jasper going wherever you guys go, so you might have roommates. It would be wonderful to have some family in the area again." Bella gave them each an impulsive hug and made Pop blush when she kissed his cheek.

We must have thanked them both a million times before we drove away. They made us promise to call whenever we stopped and when we arrived in Forks. I think deep down they were afraid we'd bolt again. Bella was definitely tense; she didn't sleep at all during the first leg of the drive. I sang along with the radio as we drove, in hopes to relax her. It didn't work, but she did keep a hint of a smile on her lips.

The first hotel stop was uneventful. We ate, watched TV and slept. We contacted my family to let them know how the trip was going, but still hadn't spoken to Charlie. Bella wanted to save that until we were all face to face. Carlisle promised to keep him updated though.

The second night, however, was very fucking enjoyable. We were both desperate for a distraction and it came in the form of her walking out of the bathroom wearing my tattered Ramones shirt and nothing else. I'm pretty sure it developed a few new holes that night. I treated her like the fucking goddess she was and made love to her the way she deserved. Not possessively, not fast and awkward with a gearshift touching places never before touched, but slow and tender and passionate. I wanted it to last forever. I honestly had no idea when it would happen again. I was fucking sure Charlie was going to make a "no sex" rule. I would be happy just as long as Bella was by my side, but the sex….the sex was a powerful connection that only we shared…heart, soul AND body.

I held her afterwards and once she was asleep I did nothing but fucking caress her silky skin and breathe in her scent for the longest time. Honey and jasmine. I knew it, fucking felt it down to the marrow in my bones, no matter what Charlie, or anyone else for that matter threw at us; we would be together… always.

We would survive any test, succeed in any challenge that we were faced with. We simply could not fucking live without each other. I saw our future as I laid there. Surrounded by family, children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews. I pictured us old and fucking wrinkled, still together and just as in love as we are right now. We would be one of those sickeningly sweet old couples that matched their sweat suits and finished each other's sentences. I fell asleep and had really fucking corny, lovey-dovey images dancing in my dreams. I even had a really creepy one of us in our nineties, sharing each other's dentures.

The next morning went too fucking fast, and before I knew it, we were only a few short hours from Forks. I could feel the tension rolling off Bella. I know I was emitting some pretty heavy tension myself.

This could still be a trap.

We could pull up in front of Bella's house and a dozen fucking squad cars could come screeching around the corner ready to hogtie my ass. Carlisle and Esme promised to be there, along with everyone else, but could they really stop Charlie from going on a power trip? I wasn't sure; I had to put my faith in the fact that he regretted hurting Bella the first time.

Neither one of us spoke as we made our way through Washington. As we got closer to the Forks city limit, Bella laid her hand over mine on the gearshift and locked our fingers together. The ever present electricity flowed with our touch and gave us both the courage to keep driving. As soon as I pulled onto her street she started trembling; there was a tiny catch in her breath that I almost missed. "It'll be alright, love. We can do this." She only nodded.

Her driveway and front yard were filled with cars. Thankfully the only cruiser there was Charlie's. My whole family was waiting and there was one fucking mess of a rental car that I was sure was Bella's mom. I saw the curtains in the kitchen window sway. "They know we're here. It's now or fucking never."

"Ok..." The fear in her voice almost made me put the Jeep back in drive. But my desire for Bella's happiness made me open the door instead. I hopped out of the Jeep and walked around to open Bella's door. She hesitantly climbed out of the car and into my arms.

"It'll be alright," I assured her, though I wasn't completely convinced myself. Bella nodded weakly and I turned us towards the front door.

One second Bella was following slightly behind me, her hand in mine; the next my hand was empty and a rush of wind went passed me. It felt like a fucking Mac Truck just barely missed mowing me down. I was fucking terrified that maybe Charlie had tried to shoot me and hit Bella by mistake.

My fear quickly dissolved once I heard squeals of laughter from behind me. I turned to find Emmett swinging Bella around in circles. That goofy fuck, I should've figured he would be the first person to greet us.

"You're back!" he yelled. He swung her one more time before pulling her in close; enveloping her in a typical Emmett style hug. "I fucking missed the shit out of my blushing Jelly Belly."

"I missed you too Em. Now…um...can you let me go? Cutting…off… oxygen."

"Oh. Right. Sorry. It's just that swinging Jasper around just isn't as much fun. He squeals like a bitch and last time he threw a little hissy-fit and scratched the shit out of my chest." He sat Bella back down on her feet and mimicked the kitty scratch moves he always teases Jasper about. Seeing that big fucker clawing at the air while hissing in a high-pitched bitch voice completely removed the big fucking cloud that had been sitting over us.

"Don't lie, Emmett. Rosalie had  _you_  screaming like a bitch the other day. You got that battle scar after you accidentally broke her fingernail. I told you to knock it off but did you listen? Nope," Jasper and Alice walked up. I damn near got teary eyed myself when I saw my sister, of course the moisture in her eyes didn't help any. Jasper came over and we reconnected in the simplest yet most complete way…the slap-grab-pump-bump-chest thump handshake. We said everything without saying a word. It was beautiful.

Jasper moved on to give Bella a hug and Alice ran into my arms. "I missed you so much," she whispered in my ear through a strained voice.

"Yeah, me too," was all I could get out. We stood there hugging each other having one of our silent conversations; communicating all of our anxiety, hope, suspicions and wishes and both of us understanding the other without question.

Alice shimmed out of my arms and ran into Bella's. Their greeting was just as fucking emotional as ours was. They were two peas in a fucking pod. Any trait that Bella wasn't able to find in me, she found in Alice. She had missed Bella almost as much as I had.

"Rosalie," I gave her a head nod as she stood there looking at me. I didn't know whether she was going to punch me or lay into me for interrupting her Zumba class or something. What she did do caught me completely off guard. She cried. She had actual tears coming out of her eyes. Now, she wasn't sobbing but for Rose to even muster moisture in her eyes over me was quite startling. I did the only thing I could do. I hugged her.

It seemed Rose and I had a new understanding. I know she wouldn't be able to function without Emmett and I think her picturing herself in my shoes, being forced to be without the one you love, melted that fucking ice cube in her chest a little. She composed herself quickly and the average person probably never would have noticed the lone tears that escaped the corner of her eyes but I did, and Emmett did too.

He came over and put his arm around Rosalie's shoulder. She turned her face into him and I knew she understood…and so did he.

"Well, let's get the show on the road, I guess."

I wasn't in a big fucking hurry to see Charlie's ass but I wasn't going to stay out here dreading it either. Time to face the music. I reached out for Bella's hand again and she gladly accepted.

I noticed the others didn't follow us up the porch steps. "We were told to wait out here," Alice explained. "Don't worry. Renee is on our side and boy, has she been giving Charlie a piece of her mind over the last few days," She shot both of us a hopeful look. Thank you sis.

As soon as we walked through the front door, we were both wrapped in Esme's embrace. I took in the scent of fresh baking and clean linen and was immediately calmed. No doubt that was her intention. It had only been a short time that I had been gone, but it felt good to be home.

"I'm so happy to have you both safe and at home," Esme whispered. We hugged her back and she pulled away, a very uncharacteristically dark expression formed on her face. "If you two ever pull a stunt like that again, it won't be Charlie you'll have to worry about. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." We both spouted out. I, for one, was a little terrified of my Aunt.

"Ok then." Her expression softened, returning to the Esme I know and love. "Everyone is waiting in the living room. Carlisle and I are here to mediate, as well as give our opinions. Charlie has been very quiet the past few days; he hasn't said anything to us or Renee about his plans." She patted us both on the shoulder and gestured for to move into the living room.

I honed in on Charlie first. He was sitting on the couch, trying to appear casual and fucking failing miserably. Carlisle was sitting on the loveseat in the corner. There also was a face I didn't recognize. Renee. She and Bella looked so much alike. She was clearly stressed and frazzled, but the way her face lit up when she saw Bella made her look ten years younger.

"Bella!" Renee cried as she jumped up and practically launched herself at us.

"Hi, Mom," Bella allowed herself to be hugged, though I could see on her face she was a bit uncomfortable. Renee seemed to pick up on it and quickly cut off the hug.

"You're Edward I take it?"

"Yes," She sized me up for a brief moment and then smiled.

"All I care about is that Bella is home safely. You and I will talk later. For now, it's nice to finally meet you."

"Umm...it's nice to meet you too," She patted me on a cheek and returned to her seat next to Charlie.

Charlie. He was stone-faced. No emotions at all. I knew from experience that it was not a good fucking sign. Renee motioned for us to take a seat. There were two chairs from the kitchen in the center of the living room. Like a fucking interrogation room or some shit. We took our seats and waited for the fucking beat down to begin.

An awkward moment passed as all they all looked to see who would start first. Bella was chewing on her bottom lip. I wanted to comfort her but Charlie's eyes were following my every move. I opened my mouth to say…well…just to say something.

"Don't speak," Charlie interrupted. "I've kept my mouth shut for days; let everyone else speak their mind about this situation. I'm done." He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. Renee tried to stop him but he shook her off. "You two are incredibly stupid. Running away to get married when you aren't even legal yet. What the hell were you thinking?" Once again, I attempted to add my two cents and was shot down. "Shut up. You don't' get to defend yourselves. I don't want to hear any lame excuses."

"Charlie, that's a bit harsh, don't you think? You asked them a question, so let them answer," Carlisle asserted.

"I really don't give a damn what their answer is. They need to understand the severity of this."

"Fuck, Dad, you think we don't know?" Bella piped up. "You think we don't know that what we did was rash and a tad irresponsible? We do. We came home on the promise that you would be understanding. I'm not going to fight. In fact, if this is going to turn into a freaking screaming match, I'm going to march my happy ass right out the door. Now get on with it: the punishment, the rules, the restrictions…" Bella made sassy little air quotes around the word restrictions. I thought it was fucking hilarious but managed to keep a straight face. "…because I'm tired and I need to shower."

Everyone stared in wonder at Bella's little outburst. It was a little out of character for her but I think my personality traits were beginning to rub off on her. Scary fucking thought.

Charlie cleared his throat and continued. "Uh…right. The punishment…we've all agreed on this, correct?" Carlisle nodded. "You are both grounded until the end of the school year. No after school activities, no prom. You may travel back and forth to school with each other and you will be permitted to see each other for two hours every day, under my supervision. Don't even think about sneaking in or out because I'm installing an alarm system. No marriage talk, no skipping school, no sex, no all night phone conversations. Bella, you'll make up for all the classes you've missed and keep your grades up or I'm enrolling you in summer school." Charlie turned to look at Edward, "Edward, you will respect me in my home and abide by my rules. No fights, no drinking, no drug use. I see one tiny mark on Bella and it's over for you, got it?"

I fought the urge to spout out the oh-so-fucking-snarky comment that was on the tip of my tongue but managed to stay respectful. "Yes, sir." After all, this was for Bella, not for me. I was going to have to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.

Charlie looked to Bella, expecting some sort of submission to his restrictions. "Well?"

"I'll agree, if you agree to be less of an ass."

"Excuse me?"

"Respect is earned, Dad. Just because you have a badge and a nice title doesn't mean you're entitled respect from either one if us," Bella paused, squeezing my hand. I squeezed back, knowing it was giving her the confidence she needed. "I realize that it was wrong to lie to you about my relationship with Edward. It was wrong to be sneaking him in the house and I'm sorry for those things, but your reaction was fucking ridiculous. You said horrible things to me. Things I cannot just forgive and forget." Charlie looked away and it was clear he was remembering the things he said.

"Bells, I think that's something we need to discuss in private," He was still avoiding meeting her eyes.

"I think you can apologize to me in front of everyone," His jaw tensed. Clearly he did not want to air his and Bella's father-daughter issues out in front of us. Bella was getting irritated. "I apologized to you. I admitted I was wrong. It's the least you could do."

Charlie laid his face in his hands and drew in a long, deep breath. "I'm sorry, Bella. I regret the things I said, my actions. I'm…just…sorry. I only wanted to protect you."

"I don't need protection from Edward," she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. I almost fucking forgot the seriousness of the current situation and laughed my ass off. She was definitely starting to pick up on my fucking traits. "I accept your apology but I'm not quite ready to forgive you yet. Yes, I agree to follow your rules as long as you agree to not to go on another power trip and jump to conclusions."

"I will do my best," he promised. The tension in the air lifted and everyone visibly relaxed. It seemed they were all at a loss for words. I don't think they were expecting us to give in so fucking easily. I didn't see it as giving in though. Bella and I saw it as playing along. Just jumping through the fucking hoops we needed to jump through in order to stay together and keep our families too.

"Well, you kids must be starving. Charlie, do you mind if we make lunch?" Esme asked. Charlie motioned for her to go ahead and Esme moved to the kitchen. Bella soon followed, her need to be cooking in her own kitchen overpowering her. I was fucking stuck in the living room with Carlisle, Charlie and Renee.

I didn't try to hide my unease and Renee became my savior. "Edward, talk a walk with me," She politely commanded. I looked to Carlisle and he gestured for me to go with her. I stood up after her and she took my arm, guiding me outside to her car. I saw the rest of my family was sitting around the small table in the side yard. I gave a tiny thumbs up and a strained smile. Alice smiled back and I didn't miss the fucking giggle afterward.

"I'm not mad at you. Hell, I'm not even mad at Bella," she began out of nowhere. "I think what you guys did was stupid but that's beside the point now. I can see, feel the connection you have with my daughter. You two move like you are one body, one brain. I don't even think you realize it. I know now that I never should have agreed to Charlie's insanity. Can you forgive me?"

"Wha…huh?" She was asking me for fucking forgiveness? "Umm, O.K., yes, I forgive you." I said with an awkward shrug.

"I really am sorry about the whole thing," I offered. She waved it off like it was nothing. Strange woman.

She leaned against her car and I followed suit. "I just need Bella to forgive me. I honestly don't deserve it but it's the thing I want most in this world."

"Bella loves you; she talks about you all the time...well in her sleep anyway. I'm fairly certain she's going to forgive you. Charlie is another story though."

"Fuck Charlie." she muttered and I chuckled.

"Yeah. He's not exactly number one on my favorites list either." She smiled and stared out into the woods behind the house. I decided to go out on a limb with her. "You know I would never hurt Bella, right? I'd do anything for her."

"I know. I'm so glad that she has you," The conversation died after that. I was still a tiny bit uncomfortable. I had expected something completely fucking different; yelling, screaming, a few profanities thrown around. This was all too easy; I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Esme and Bella called us all in to eat; everyone eased into a reasonably comfortable conversation. Emmett had Renee fucking rolling with his jokes. The only one not having a good time was Charlie, he fucking sulked in the corner like a bitch.

After we finished, Em, Jazz and I unpacked Bella's things from the Jeep and Charlie announced it was time for us to leave. "You can come back tomorrow for two hours." He stomped up the stairs and practically slammed his door.

"Don't worry; he'll get over it eventually," Renee assured us. I was beginning to really like her and Bella seemed eager to mend their broken relationship. Only time would tell.

My family herded out of the small kitchen and to their cars, Renee mumbled something about giving us privacy for our goodbye and she went upstairs to start unpacking Bella's things. Bella and I stood in the hallway just inside the front door. It was time to say the words we fucking hated. Our bodies molded together. "It's not technically a goodbye, not like before. We get to see each other tomorrow," I tried to sound somewhat positive.

"I know but I'm still going to miss you."

"We can always change our minds. Take off tomorrow and never fucking come back," I offered.

"We could but I need to fix things here. It should be easy with mom….Charlie is…." I leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss to show her I understood.

"I love you." There was not a truer fact in the world.

"I love you too."

"Until tomorrow?" I was hoping she would catch onto the omission of the word 'goodbye'.

"Yes, until tomorrow."

Renee stayed for about a week and gave Charlie a verbal bitch slap every time he said anything that could be construed as a nasty comment. She and Bella started to mend their relationship. It would be a long process but both were hopeful. Renee loved Emmett and was always begging for Bella to have him come over.

Bella and I returned to school and didn't even fucking bother playing rumor control. Let them say what they wanted; we could finally walk down the halls, hand in hand, not having to hide shit. Jessica was no longer an issue and we had Rosalie to thank for that. Without Jessica, all her little cronies lost their fucking balls. Even Mike and Tyler kept their fucking mouths shut and later Em and Jazz showed me exactly why Mike Newton stopped trying to piss me off every day. I laughed so hard at that fucking DVD; I almost pissed myself.

Every morning I picked Bella up for school and every morning Charlie stood on the porch until we drove away. He had the principal call him as soon as we arrived at school. He fucking timed that shit. We both caught up on all our classes, though we really didn't miss much. I think all our teachers were just happy that their best students were back.

We tried to follow all Charlie's 'restrictions'. He watched over us like a fucking hawk for two hours every day. Our time together usually consisted of us doing homework and me watching Bella cook dinner. Which I was never allowed to stay and eat. That stupid fuck Charlie always called 'times up' just as she set the food on the table. She always packed leftovers and gave them to me for lunch the next day. That made Em insanely jealous and he whined and cried until Bella started bringing him lunch too. After about a month, she was bringing leftovers for the whole table.

Though we were finally allowed to be public, we both missed our nightly phone call. I hated not being able to be the last thing she heard before she went to sleep. I fixed that real quick and bought her a prepaid cell phone that she kept hidden from Charlie. He did stay true to his word and installed an alarm system, but he never took the time to search her things.

Charlie never fucking warmed up to me. No matter how good I got at faking politeness, he still treated me like the scum off his shoes. He never really forgave Alice or Em for keeping our secret either. They weren't allowed to come over to Bella's house anymore after Renee left. It pissed them both off that Charlie just fucking wrote them off. Carlisle and Esme weren't too pleased that Charlie was still being a dick but what could they do?

As for my grounding, my aunt and uncle got tired of me being in the house and let my off the hook after only two months. I ended up buying back my guitars; Jesse saved them like he said I would. I wanted to start giving Bella lessons again but Charlie, of fucking course, said no.

"She needs to focus on her school work, not be distracted," Charlie grumbled.

"Dad, it's just a fucking guitar lesson," Bella rolled her eyes. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. She had taken to dropping a lot of f-bombs around Charlie. He blamed me.

"I said no," Bella opened her mouth to start yet another fight with her father. This was almost a daily fucking occurrence.

"Bella, it's alright," I always attempted to stop their fights before they happened. You know, try to show Charlie I could be the fucking good guy. It never worked. I stopped trying to bring the guitars over. Eventually, I just stopped talking when he was in the room. Our time together was so limited, I hated when it was interrupted by Bella and Charlie's on-edge relationship.

The remaining months of school fucking dragged. Bella and I were both looking forward to summer because that meant the end of her punishment but it also meant saying goodbye to Emmett and Rose. Rose had been accepted into the New York School of Design and Emmett was following her. I was going to miss that big fucking goofball. Bella cried at their graduation; they were leaving shortly after. Rose wanted to have a summer in the city to explore and since Em was her fucking lap-dog he was going too.

"I'm going to fucking miss you Jelly Belly," Em said after the humongous grad party Alice threw for them was over. Bella was officially off her fucking grounding but we still had to follow some insane restrictions. She was only allowed to attend the party because Esme recruited Renee into bitching at Charlie until he relented.

"I'm going to miss you too Em. Who's going to embarrass me now?" Bella tried to smile through the tears that were running down her cheeks and dripping her chin. Em picked her up into a bear hug and squeezed her tight. "Thank you, for everything, Emmett."

"Anytime. I would have done anything to make Edward less of an emo bitch," Em released Bella and Rose stepped up.

"Bella, I really am going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Rose. Thanks for…you know…taking care of Jessica."

"Oh, no no no. Thank you for giving me a fucking reason to take that bitch down for good," Rose gave Bella an awkward hug and went back to Emmett's side. "We'll see you on break, ok?" Bella nodded and gave her final goodbyes before I took her home. The next few weeks were subdued. Everyone missed them but Esme took it the hardest. Bella cheered her up by inventing new recipes and bring them over to cook for us all.

Over the course of the summer, Bella and I took to bending more and more of the restrictions. We couldn't fucking stand not touching each other. We craved that fucking connection of us being one. We got ballsy and had sex on her couch while Charlie was upstairs taking a shower. I was sure Charlie knew what we were doing but he never caught us, so there wasn't shit he could do.

He already looked like an irrational ass. Bella refused to take off the engagement ring and that infuriated him. We still referred to each other as fiancé; we continued to plan our life together. We said we wouldn't get married as soon as she turned eighteen and we had every intention of keeping that promise. Every plan we made was respectful of Charlie's wishes, yet he shot down everything.

"You're not going to Chicago for school!"

"Why the hell not? I can get financial aid; Edward's grandparents are going to let us stay there. I won't have to pay for housing!"

"You need to stay close to home. You can go to U of W and live in a dorm like a normal person. You aren't shacking up with some guy so you can get a discount on your education."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I've had about enough of that language!"

"Fine!" Bella stormed out of the kitchen and out the door, slamming it in the process. I hated being around for these fights. They were getting progressively worse. After we came home, we all figured Charlie would eventually just get over it. That was a huge fucking misconception. He seemed to hate me more every day. I was pretty sure that he thought that I would get tired of Bella and leave. I was continuously proving him wrong. Bella and I never fucking wavered from each other.

"This is all your fault," He growled at me. I was so fucking tired of trying to defend myself.

"Whatever, Charlie. You should be happy that she wants to go to school at all. She wasn't planning on it before I came around you know," I stood up and followed Bella outside before this turned into a full scale screaming match. "Are you alright?" I asked as I sat on the porch step next to her.

"Why can't he just accept that  _you_  are what I want?"

"I don't know, love. It's only for a little bit longer."

We decided that as soon as we graduated she would move into my house until we left for school. We had already cleared it with Carlisle and Esme. They knew just exactly how much of a dick Charlie was being.

By the time senior year started, our relationship was old fucking news at school. No one cared anymore. Plus the first week of school Mike got caught in the locker room with Eric's dick in his mouth, so we were the last thing people wanted to talk about. Jazz was actually the one to catch them and he spread it around the school so fucking fast, Mike didn't even have the chance to wipe his chin off before everyone knew. I thought Em was going to have a fucking heart attack from laughing so hard when I called and told him.

"I always knew his obsession with fucking girls in the ass had a deeper meaning," Em choked out between fits of laughter. "The Eric thing was a surprise though; I always figured it would be Tyler."

I still worried about when the other shoe was going to fucking drop and eventually it did. It was shortly after Bella's birthday. She and Charlie got into the fight to end all fights. I suppose it was my fault, technically, but Charlie completely fucking lost it for no reason.

Jazz and I were waiting for our girls to finish with their last class when an impromptu soccer game started behind the gym. We were bored and it was a reasonably nice day out. Just as Bella and Alice walked onto the field I kicked the ball as hard as I fucking could for what was supposed to be a winning goal. Ben blocked it with his hands and it flew straight into Bella's face. She ended up having to get stitches on her eyebrow and she sported a nasty fucking black eye. Charlie blew up in the middle of the ER. He told me I was fucking banned from seeing her. That it was only a matter of time before I hurt her. Everyone looked at him like he was on drugs. Ben was even there, trying to explain that it was an accident and it was just as much his fault. He just wouldn't listen; he dragged Bella home, swearing that if I can within fifty feet of her that he was going to throw my ass in jail.

I felt the fear that I'd lost her again creep into my heart. I was already beginning to plan. Alice and Jazz prevented me from speeding over to Bella's house and just fucking taking her. Carlisle said to give it a few days, Charlie would hopefully calm down. I reluctantly agreed; no sense in making it worse. I tried Bella's cell about a million times but she never picked up. I was pacing my room when someone started ringing the door like a fucking maniac.

We all raced downstairs to answer it, though by the time I reached the door I felt that it was my Bella. I beat everyone, swinging the door open and taking her into my arms. She dropped the bags she was holding and cried into my shoulder. "What happened, love?"

"It was horrible. We just couldn't stop screaming at each other. I just packed my shit and drove here. I'm not going back," She looked over at my aunt and uncle with pleading eyes. "Please, can I move in now?"

"Of course, dear. Let's get you set up," Esme guided Bella to the guest room that they had already planned on giving her the following summer. Alice and I unpacked her truck and helped her set up her room. Carlisle gave us some basic ground rules, which we didn't exactly follow but we weren't disrespectful either. We never slept alone again. I sang her to sleep every fucking night. It was perfect.

Rose and Em came to visit over Christmas break and we also invited Renee and Phil. The house was full on Christmas morning and even though she clearly missed Charlie, it was the happiest I'd seen her since the fight. She and Renee weren't one hundred percent yet, but they were definitely on their way. Renee stood by Bella's decision to move into our house and she admitted she hadn't spoken to Charlie since.

Bella never told me any of the details of the fight. "He just said things a father should never say to his daughter."

"You should talk about it, love."

"No…I don't want to you drive over there and kill him. It doesn't matter, I'm here now and you're stuck with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other fucking way."

In February, we all came home to Esme and Carlisle holding three large white envelopes. They turned out to be acceptance letters. We were all going to Chicago; including Jazz who showed up later waving his own letter around. We called the grandparents and told them to get moving on that basement apartment.

The rest of the school year fucking dragged and dragged. Carlisle and Esme wanted to throw us all a huge graduation party; Alice convinced them to let her handle everything and she started planning in March. She wanted it to be the party to end all parties, a goodbye to Forks that everyone would remember. She kept all her plans secret except to Carlisle who only knew because he was footing the fucking bill.

By the time graduation rolled around it was the most talked about party in school and it hadn't even fucking happened yet. I had my own plans for making it special. I wanted to propose to Bella again. She deserved to have it done properly; fully clothed and in front of our family. I convinced Bella to give me the ring so I could have it "cleaned". I was really having it engraved with our initials.

The grad ceremony went off without a hitch. Renee, Phil, Em and Rose were all there. Charlie showed up as well but he stood in the back, barely noticeable. He didn't speak to any of us and as soon as Bella walked across the stage he slipped out the gym doors. I knew it broke her heart to lose her father but she tried not to let it ruin her day. "I have you, Renee, Alice…everyone else. I miss him but you guys more than make up for it."

The whole school showed up at our house for the party. Alice went overboard on the decorations, the food; she even had a live band from Seattle. My family knew what I was planning and Renee gave her official blessing. I knew Bella was going to be completely fucking embarrassed, so I waited until most of the people had left the party.

I got up on the little stage cleared my throat. "Bella, could you come up here please?" Her eyes widened and she shook her head no, but Alice gave her a not so little nudge forward and she stumbled up onto the stage.

"What are you doing?" she whispered through her fake smile. I didn't answer her; I dropped down onto one knee and pulled out the newly engraved ring. She started shaking; I took her left hand in mine and kissed it.

"I know we already consider ourselves to be engaged but this should've been done the right way. I love you so fucking much, Bella. You are my whole life. I never want to be without you. I want to take care of you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"

Bella was fighting back tears. "Yes," she whispered.

We both let out a little chuckle; she still hated to be the center of attention. She cleared her throat and tried again, much louder. "Yes. Of course I will. I love you." My heart swelled as she showed her pride in our relationship, in me.

I slipped the ring back onto her finger where it belonged and stood up to kiss her. Everyone clapped, Em and Jazz let out a few catcalls, Renee and Esme were hugging. We walked off the stage hand in hand and everyone ran in for a rather comical group hug, started by Em, of course.

We were congratulated numerous times and though Bella was fucking beaming, I could tell she was upset about something. I pulled her aside as soon as I got the chance. "You alright?"

"Yeah…" she trailed off. She was silent for a few moments before she continued. "Charlie probably won't be walking me down the aisle."

"Well, it's going to be a few years before we get married, maybe you guys can work it out."

Bella shook her head. "No, I don't think so. Not this time."

"You could ask Phil. Or even Carlisle, I'm sure he would be willing."

"Actually…I was thinking of maybe...asking Emmett…" I busted out laughing and she giggled along with me. "You don't mind do you?"

"Fuck no. Em will love it."

We stayed downstairs until the last person left. Esme hired a professional cleaning crew to come handle the mess the next day.

"I guess since you two are officially engaged now, you can quit sneaking and just share Edward's bedroom. Just...you know…keep it quiet." Carlisle informed us as we said our goodnights. Bella surprised him by throwing her arms around him and hugging him.

"Thank you so much for everything. You and Esme both." She kissed him softly on the cheek and he actually fucking blushed.

"You're welcome, Bella." He mumbled as he returned the hug. We repeated our goodnights and walked up the stairs to  _our_  room. Alice and Jazz were close behind, moving into her room. Jazz was given permission to regularly spend the night in Alice's room as well. I was pretty sure that Esme agreed to all this because she was going to hate the empty house when we all left for school. She wanted it as full as possible for now.

Bella and I got ready for bed, having a perfectly timed method for our nighttime routines. We both finished at the same time and crawled into bed, snuggling up close to each other. We were both fucking exhausted. Bella's eyelids were drooping. "I love you, Bella. Forever."

"I love you too, Edward. Forever and ever." I kissed her and sang her favorite song as she drifted off to sleep. We would be leaving soon, starting another chapter of our lives together. I nestled my face into her hair, taking in my favorite scent in the world one last time before I fell asleep. I had that feeling again, the overwhelming sensation that we would grow old together, no matter what, and I couldn't fucking wait.


	36. Chapter 36

_Eternity will never be enough for me_ _  
_ _and eternally we'll live our infallible love_

_This is For Keeps,_ The Spill Canvas

* * *

**BELLA**

I don't think Edward ever completely understood my need to return home. I knew that he would do anything I wanted, anything I asked of him to, but it was still difficult to ask to go home. As much as I loved Edward and feared Charlie, I had to give it one last effort with my father. I couldn't just give up. I knew all too well what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that and I couldn't do it to my father.

I was a nervous wreck the entire drive home. Edward tried to occupy my mind but wasn't always successful. He was cute as hell while he tried though. He sang along with the radio and even tried to hit the high notes in the songs sung by girls. It was funny and I cracked a smile more than once but it couldn't take my mind completely off what was waiting for me at the end of this road.

Of course when we arrived home from Chicago, seeing Emmett, Alice and the others lifted my spirits greatly. I'd missed them almost as much as I'd missed Edward before he came and rescued me. Em's bear hugs, Alice's energy, Jazz's go-with-the-flow demeanor, and Rose's protectiveness disguised as bitchiness, I really did feel like I was home. As soon as they surrounded me I knew that no matter what happened with Charlie, I had them. They were my family and they always would be. I would never feel alone again.

The confrontation was not what I expected. Charlie kept his anger in check most of the time and my mom was surprisingly supportive. I agreed to his restrictions. I had to; I needed Edward in my life and I didn't want to run again.

The first few weeks back were decent. My mom stayed for a bit and kept Charlie in check. Renee and I started to reconnect. I'll admit, I missed my mom. She actually liked Edward and she  _loved_  Em. A few nights we stayed up eating ice cream and talking like we used to. It was nice, just like how a mother and daughter relationship should be. But she was only able to take two weeks off of work and we both cried when she boarded her plane back to Phoenix.

After the peace making effect of Renee's presence wore off, living with Charlie became a living hell. He had undeniable proof that Edward had not done the things he was accused of, yet Charlie couldn't let his resentment go. He made snide comments whenever Edward was around, he questioned every bruise and scratch I came home with. He was livid over the fact that I wouldn't take off the engagement ring Edward gave me. I told him time and time again that Edward and I were not going to get married for several years but he wouldn't listen. Though I suppose our running off didn't exactly earn his trust.

At first, I just played nice. I learned to be the best ass kisser in Forks, outside of Jessica Stanley. I cooked all Charlie's favorite meals, ironed his uniforms, I even tried to reestablish father daughter movie night. It failed. He was grumpy and miserable all the time. I had a long talk with Renee one night and expressed all of my concerns.

"He feels threatened, Bella," she explained.

"Threatened?"

"No father likes to see his daughter grow up and find that he has been replaced as the most important man in her life. Charlie is just taking it a step further since he just can't seem to get over his bias against Edward."

"Wow, Mom. That was surprisingly….insightful."

"Yeah, well. I took your Dr. Phil comment to heart and started watching it. Plus, I may have talked to the counselor at my school a time or two."

I was astonished that Renee took the initiative to seek counseling, but I figured she needed help just as much as I did. I wasn't going to press her about her reasons because apparently it helped her see what I didn't.

It still wasn't a good enough excuse for his behavior.

"I think he's just being a jerk."

"That's always a possibility." She said quietly. Renee was reluctant to say anything too negative about Charlie, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt.

School was...odd to say the least. I was happy that Jessica was no longer an issue; I must have thanked Rose twenty times a day for getting rid of her. No one straight out said anything to me or Edward about my return but the rumors flew like leaves in the wind. None of them were very creative and most made us laugh. I kept my word to Charlie and caught up in all my classes. It wasn't that difficult, really. I probably could have shown up on the day of finals and still aced the classes. The last month or so of junior year is not exactly filled with new material.

The rest of the school year passed by faster than I'd anticipated, though the time spent without Edward dragged. I wanted summer to just hurry the fuck up because it meant the end of my punishment. However, summer also meant that I was losing Em and Rose. They'd be leaving for college in New York, which isn't exactly conducive to weekend visits. I knew it wouldn't be forever but it was painful none the less.

The crack in my relationship with Charlie widened even further when he refused to let me to go to Em and Rose's graduation party. It would be the last time I'd get to see them until Thanksgiving. It was my chance to say goodbye and he was fucking it up. When Esme found out she immediately got on the phone with Renee and they devised a plan to break Charlie down. It worked but not without a huge fight. I should have seen that as the beginning of the end.

There were tearful goodbyes all around at the end of the party. I knew I would miss my Em. He truly was the best big brother ever. He always knew how to pick me up, literally and figuratively. I never had to worry if he was going to be on my side, it was a given. He would have done anything for me, including beating Charlie's ass, unless he thought it would hurt me in the end. That's probably why Charlie made it through that whole mess unscathed. I always felt safe and protected with Emmett around. I felt safe with Edward too but I also knew there was always something trying to tear us apart. With Emmett, it only ever felt like he was holding us all together; like his big arms were enough to keep us all a family no matter what. I would definitely miss that.

I cried the whole way home from the party. Charlie assumed my tears had something to do with Edward so yet another fight ensued. It was quickly becoming a daily thing. Wake up, fight with Charlie, do my chores, fight with Charlie, cook dinner, fight with Charlie, have my nightly conversation with Edward. It was so fucking tiring.

I spent my summer with Edward, Alice and Jazz. My grounding was over and Charlie had to work so I was able to be with them without constantly being watched just as long as I was home shortly after Charlie in the evening. If I made him wait too long he'd start calling and hounding me about when I was going to be home. So my summer was heaven and hell; heaven all day when I was with Edward and hell all night when I was stuck with Charlie.

The days were nice, just the four of us, though it was clear we all missed Em and Rose. Esme took Em's absence the hardest so we made it a point to spend time with her every day. Even when Edward and Jazz were off doing their guy things, I went over to keep Esme company. We mostly just cooked and baked goodies to send to Rose and Em in care packages but it was a connection we both needed. We both filled an absence for the other. I needed a decent parental figure and she needed another child to hover over and take care of. It was pretty much a win/win situation.

I poured my heart out to Esme during our cooking sessions. I told her all the fine details about my fights with Charlie, things I could never tell Edward. Though he tried to be respectful around my dad, I knew it was hard for him to keep his temper in check. He'd lose it if he knew the things that Charlie said to me. Esme was shocked at some of the things my father said and did. I could tell something was weighing on her towards the end of summer. It wasn't far into the beginning of the new school year, after a particularly emotional fight with my father, that she and Carlisle invited me to come live with them after graduation. I jumped at the chance to finally be under the same roof as Edward.

However, nothing went quite as planned. The tension was building in my house, Charlie was furious that I applied to Culinary schools in Chicago. He wanted me close to home, under his thumb and away from Edward. I could feel the final straw feathering its way down to the pile.

My eighteenth birthday passed without any major celebration. Alice wanted a party but I knew Charlie would object, so instead I had a movie night, just the four of us. We gorged ourselves with Chinese food and cupcakes. As simple as it was, it was the best birthday I'd had in years; much better than the previous one. There were no emotional breakdowns, no guilty feelings, nothing but a few fond memories of Jake. It was also what Edward and I considered our anniversary. One year since he saved me.

The day it all fell apart started out as a reasonably nice day. Edward picked me up for school and politely greeted Charlie; who was actually decent for a change. I thought Charlie was finally making an effort. That same day, Alice and I stayed after History class to work on a project. Edward and Jazz waited outside for us to complete the last bits of our assignment. We finished up as fast as possible and went to look for the boys. They were playing a game of soccer with Ben. I watched Edwards muscles ripple as he ran and pushed his way in front of Jasper. My hormones were reacting and I had to look away before the drool started dripping off my chin. One second I was talking to Alice and the next I was sprawled out on my back, blood dripping into my eye.

After shaking away the stars and singing birds that floated around my head, I realized I was just pummeled by a soccer ball. By the look on Ben's face, I knew who to blame. Edward was at my side, brushing my hair out of my face and waving two fingers in front of me asking if I could count them.

I just blinked, still trying to process what happened.

Edward freaked out, Ben was apologizing profusely, and Alice and Jazz tried to stop the bleeding by holding my nose with a wad of Mc Donalds' napkins from somebody's car. When Jazz finally convinced Edward that I wasn't on the verge of death, he carried me to the Volvo and rushed me to the ER. He took me straight to Carlisle, who stitched me up nicely. It wasn't nearly as bad as it looked. Just a cut on the bridge of my nose and a black eye, no big deal. Unfortunately Charlie didn't see it that way.

He fucking flipped.

He blamed Edward, shocking, I know. Even though Ben had actually been the one to smack the ball into my face, and openly admitted it, apologetically…several times, Charlie was screaming in the middle of the ER, pointing fingers at Edward, even at Carlisle. If he wasn't the Chief of Police, I'm pretty sure they would have called the cops on his ass. He literally picked me up and dragged me, kicking and screaming to his cruiser. Carlisle had to physically hold Edward back. As we walked out of the automatic doors of the ER Charlie screamed to Edward that if he came within fifty feet of me, he'd have him arrested and he'd never see me again.

I was fuming. The ride home was silent, I was so fucking pissed I couldn't form coherent words. Charlie started on me before I could even open my mouth. "You are NEVER fucking seeing Edward again."

"Umm….in case you forgot, I'm eighteen now, that's not your decision anymore." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yes I can. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not going to watch you go through life being beaten then making excuses for him afterwards when he comes crawling back asking for forgiveness."

"Edward doesn't fucking beat me! Why the fuck can't you grasp that?"

"You have a black eye Bella! You had to get stitches."

"From a fucking soccer ball!" My voice hit a whole new level of screeching. "Edward didn't even kick it into my face. Ben did it, on  _accident_."

"Edward was still the cause of it though, wasn't he? Yes, he was." he said slamming on the breaks and putting the car in park.

"God, you are fucking ridiculous!" I climbed out of the cruiser and slammed the door. I wanted to escape to my room, to call Edward and tell him to just ignore Charlie's threats but Charlie followed me.

"I'm not finished with this conversation."

"Well  **I**  am. Why don't you go have a beer and just calm down. I'm tired." Carlisle had given me some painkillers and they were starting to kick my ass. I just wanted to hear Edward's voice in my ear as I drifted off to sleep.

"I'm putting my foot down once and for all. You are  _not_ seeing Edward anymore and you are  _definitely not_  moving all the way to Chicago for school."

"The fuck, I'm not! I thought you'd be happy that I was going to get a great education. I'd think you'd appreciate not having to worry constantly if I was keeping a roof over my head and eating every day. Edward is going to take care of me; you'll have nothing to worry about."

"No, he's not. He's going to fucking abandon you. He's going to use you up until he's bored with you then smack you around a little for entertainment. Once he's bored with that he'll leave you without so much as a 'Kiss off'. Who do you think is paying for this education of yours anyway? I am. That means  **I**  choose where you go."

If he thinks he can pull this bullshit, then he's got another think coming! I'm not going to let his money give him control over MY life.

"I don't need your money  _Charlie_. Edward and I are getting married, remember? Even if financial aid doesn't cover it, he has more than enough in his college fund to assist me if I need it."

Take that!

"Oh, Edward is going to take responsibility for paying your bills?" He narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice, gritting through his teeth. "So you'll basically be his whore then?" As soon as the word 'whore' left his mouth he flinched slightly but he made no effort to take it back. I felt hot tears starting to spill. I didn't even bother holding them in.

"That's what you think I am?" I sobbed, my voice shaking. "You think I'm Edward's whore?"

"You sure act like one," he mumbled, not able to meet my eyes. I stared at the man that was supposed to be my father. The man that was supposed to love me unconditionally. The man I was supposed to respect. He was no longer that person, no longer my father.

"I fucking hate you." I announced softly.

"I hate the person you've become." he shot back. "You used to be an independent person, with morals and a good head on your shoulders. Now you're letting some boy use your body so you can get a free education and a place to live. It's disgusting." His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I couldn't believe he was actually saying these things to me. Did the fact that I  _love_  Edward completely escape his comprehension?

"Fine then, if I'm so disgusting to you, I'll leave. I'll go live with a family that actually loves me and respects my decisions."

"Good. Don't come crawling back to me when Edward throws you out on your ass because he's used all he needs of you and doesn't give a shit about what's left." With that he turned and left my room. A few minutes later I heard the front door slam shut and the cruiser drive off. I was shaking, tears streaming down my face as I slowly moved to pack my things.

I'd lost my father.

I was heartbroken. To keep myself from falling into a pit of despair I forced myself to look at the bright side of things. I had to after what happened with Charlie. I would gain a new family; Carlisle and Esme already treated me like a daughter. One door closes and another one opens. That was what I had to believe to make it through this.

I could barely see as I threw my things in the back of the truck. I was fucking taking it; it was  _my_  truck, even if it was a gift from Charlie. If he wanted it back he could fucking come get it. I should have called Edward to come get me but I wanted to get away from the house as quickly as possible. I wanted to avoid any further confrontation if Charlie decided to come home for round two.

I drove straight to the Cullen's house, knowing they would take me in. I was already planning on living there eventually, I was just moving up the date. I was a little surprised that I made it all the way there without an accident. I could barely see through the tears of betrayal brought on by my father's blatant disrespect and degradation. I pulled to a stop in front of the house. The front of the house was dark, so I assaulted the doorbell like my life fucking depended on it. I used the door for support, unable to think straight or stand completely upright for that matter.

And then I felt it, the unmistakable pull that meant Edward was on the other side of the door. He swung the door open and pulled me into his arms, where I fit perfectly. It was where I belonged. The stress of the fight melted away as he held me tight. I didn't have Charlie anymore but I had  _Edward_. That was all that really mattered.

Once I was able to collect myself enough to tell them what happened, minus the gory details, Esme and Carlisle agreed to let me stay. Edward and Alice helped me take my stuff to the room that was designated for me. Of course, as soon as everyone went to bed, I didn't stay there. I moved down the hall to Edward's room, where he was waiting with the bedside light on. He welcomed me into his bed with open arms and I snuggled in next to him.

He was my home, my family, my heart…all I'd ever need.

We began making plans to move to Chicago. Gran and Pop were amazing. The late night phone calls to Esme about how to decorate the basement didn't go unnoticed. I wasn't going to pry though; I couldn't take the surprise away from them. It was the least I could do.

The rest of the school year ticked by uneventful. Charlie avoided me like the plague. He stopped being the liaison at the school, although I was pretty sure he told his dumb-ass deputy to check up on me while he was there. Stealth is not exactly a strong point of the Folks PD. He even changed his bank so he wouldn't see me there by accident either. I found that out when I went in to take him off my account. Mrs. Stanley had all kinds of questions that I avoided answering by shrugging my shoulders. I did my part too. I made sure I did not travel the same roads that he would be on as he drove to work or back home. I didn't even go into town except to go to school.

I tried to live my life in the present but every once in a while a memory would slip back into my mind and I'd shed some tears over the metaphoric death of my father. His body still went through all of the normal processes but the man who was my father was no longer occupying it. I didn't know the person who lived there now, nor did I want to.

Graduation day was the hardest. I saw Charlie in the back, not speaking to anyone. Once my name was called, Renee and Emmett stood up and started cheering. The others followed and my view was blocked. Charlie must have slipped out the back as soon as the diploma was in my hand. When everyone sat down, he was gone. Tears were rolling down my cheeks; thankfully most people thought I was just overcome with emotion from graduating. I squared my shoulders and met eyes with Edward and then with Alice. They gave me smiles of encouragement, which I desperately needed, and gave me to strength to continue my walk across the stage.

Even though I was missing part of my biological family, I still had my Cullen family and they were all very supportive. I didn't feel any less celebrated than Alice or Edward for meeting this milestone in my life. My mother was so excited and even came a few days early to help get ready for the party. Since Alice pretty much had that under wraps, Renee and Esme spent the majority of the days baking and "bonding" over stories of our childhood. Renee was always careful to not mention Charlie. I appreciated it but the omission of him was almost as bad as the mention would have been.

The party was fucking amazing, of course. Alice handled every detail herself and went over the top as usual. Lighting, a live band, catered food, the whole shebang. The whole school showed up. Carlisle and Esme introduced me to friends as their daughter. I was in heaven, I had everything I wanted.

Then Edward proposed in front of everyone, making it official. Nothing could have been better. Yes, Charlie being there and supporting me would have been great but that was an unrealistic fantasy.

We spent the summer doing pretty much whatever the hell we wanted. Em and Rose came home and we took another road trip to Friday Harbor. It was even more breath taking in the summer. Edward took me to the same restaurant that we went to before. The same skanky waitress was there; I made sure to flash my sparkly engagement ring right in her nasty face.

The last few weeks at the Cullen's were bittersweet. Esme was a mess but she hid it fairly well. She hovered over us all but not in an annoying way. She cooked endless goodies for us; Alice started complaining that we were all going to gain the freshman fifteen before we were even freshman.

"Love, do you want to try to talk to your dad before we leave?" Edward asked one night a few days before we left.

"No. He made his decision and I made mine. I have no desire to talk to him."

"So… you're never going to talk to him again, for the rest of your life… the rest of  _our_  life?"

"Why are you so concerned? You hate my father."

"Your right, I do...it's just….he's your  _dad_." He was silent for a few seconds, twirling my hair around his fingers. "Having a father is important." he murmured.

"I have Phil and Carlisle. That's good enough for me." He wanted to continue the conversation but I distracted him by pouting and asking him to sing me to sleep.

He didn't bring it up again.

Esme fell to pieces the day we left. She didn't break down like Renee might have, like a giant slobbering mess; there were tears but only in ladylike Esme fashion. She didn't even smear her mascara, but the emotion was real. It was breaking her heart that all her 'children' were leaving.

Rose and Em were flying back to New York and the rest of us were flying to Chicago. All our things had already been shipped. Carlisle rented a van so that we could all travel to the Seattle airport and say our goodbyes together.

This was vastly different from my last trip to the Seattle airport. While there was some sadness in leaving Carlisle and Esme, I mostly felt excitement. I was starting a new chapter of my life with Edward. We hopped on the plane after several rounds of tearful goodbye hugs and promises to come home for Thanksgiving break. Finally, we were on our way; hand in hand, just the way it should be.

The little basement apartment was beautiful. There was a small kitchen, a living room, and both bedrooms had their own bath. Gran and Pop were so happy to have us there. I felt just as comfortable there as I did in the Cullen's house. I knew it would be the perfect place to spend the next four years of my life.

In fact it was. I'd never been more content. The house was always full of energy and life, Carlisle and Esme came to visit often. Even Renee and Phil came to visit a few times a year. As I attended Culinary school, the main kitchen upstairs became my lab. The house was overrun with Alice's artwork from school. I never realized just how talented she is. By the time she was done with her first year of study she already had buyers for some of her paintings. Jazz and Edward converted one of the guest rooms into their new music room and were composing music for local commercials and working on a band on the side. With school and the part-time work, they didn't have much time for the band thing. They weren't really looking to make it big anyway but they sure did pack the clubs on Saturday night. I loved it. I loved sitting in the audience with Alice and listening to our men rock it out.

The only downside to living in Chicago was Edward and Alice's mom. They thought being closer to her would help. She'd see them more often, maybe come to recognize them. It was quite the opposite. She was practically catatonic. She no longer freaked out when they visited her but she didn't even acknowledge their presence anymore. Edward took it especially hard. The visits always took their toll on him.

It was about midway through our second year when their mom took a turn for the worse. The doctors said it was like she just gave up on living. She started talking to the walls and calling them Edward, telling them she was on her way but the door wouldn't open. The last time Edward went to see her he asked if I would go with him. Of course I agreed, even though I was a little apprehensive about going. I was in no hurry to see the inside of the psych ward. One brief tour after Jacob died was enough to last me a lifetime. I think that is why Edward never asked me before then. That and he wasn't exactly proud of the state his mother was in, even though I could never look at him, or her, with anything less than adoration. She brought Edward into the world. To me, she was a lifesaver.

We arrived shortly before visiting hours were about to end. Edward felt incredibly guilty about his short stays but it killed him to see his mother in this state and also killed him when he didn't go see her. Lose/lose situation. However, it was hard to argue with the big nurse named Agatha when she told you visiting hours were over. It took the decision to leave out of his hands and eased the guilt a little bit. Whatever helped Edward cope with this heartache was fine with me. I held tight onto his hand as we walked the bright white halls toward the nurse's desk. A middle aged man with a 70's porn star mustache and too-tight pants sat behind the desk looking through a file nearly as thick as a dictionary.

Edward cleared his throat, clearly reluctant to break the silence of the room. The 'stache sporting file-jockey looked up over the file without moving his head and asked if he could help us. "Yes. I'm here to see Elizabeth Masen." I could feel the air around the male-nurse change and his tone reflected his pity.

"Oh. Just one minute. The doctor wanted to speak with you, you're Eddie, right?" Edward heard the hidden message in his voice as well.

"Yes. I'm Ed _ward_ , her son. Is something wrong?"

"I'll just let you talk to the doctor, he can explain." With that the man walked away, a little too light in the loafers; ass cheeks puckered, see-through pants and all.

Edward didn't say anything, and neither did I. We just stood there in an awkward silence while those words hung stagnant around us. "…he can explain." It seemed like hours but the clock said it had only been about 5 minutes when an older gentleman with a long white lab coat came around the corner talking in hushed whispers to the nurse we had spoken to before. His eyes flitted up and caught sight of Edward and I standing there at the counter, I'm sure looking a bit like kids getting in trouble at the principal's office. He stopped and turned his back to us so we couldn't see what he was saying.

The doctor and nurse stood there for a few more seconds talking with muffled voices and looking at the mystery information contained in the thick file. Edward was uncomfortable, I could feel it. I was too but I had to be strong for him. He would be a rock for me if I needed it. He'd already proven that time and again. The least I could do was return the favor. I squeezed his hand and took a step closer to him, grabbing his bicep with my free hand. I tried to convey my support with every fiber of my being. I felt him take a deep breath and relax just the tiniest bit. I loved that my presence could have that effect on him but hated that he had to be in this situation.

In what seemed like slow motion, the doctor shut the file and walked up to us, his face conveying no emotion…all business. I didn't like what my stomach was doing but tried not to alter the positive vibe I was sending toward Edward. "Mr. Edward Masen, Jr?"

"Uh, it's Cullen actually…but, yes, I'm Edward."

"Come into my office, I'd like to talk to you about your mother. We'll have more privacy there." It definitely felt like a trip to the principal's office now. I followed slightly behind Edward, our hands never leaving each other. We entered the office and the doctor motioned for us to have a seat. We did so but only after Edward nonchalantly scooted his chair closer to mine. We sat, never breaking contact. We had a death grip on each other, as if it were the only thing keeping us both from being committed ourselves.

"Well, Mr….Um, Cullen is it?" The doctor looked up briefly to see Edward's head nod in agreement then his eyes went back to scanning the various papers and reports held in the "file".

"It seems that your mother has decided that she is done fighting. Although we cannot find anything to cause it, your mother's kidneys and spleen have started shutting down. It seems the rate of deterioration is speeding up. From what we can tell, it should only be a few more days until….until her body can't sustain itself any longer."

We just sat there. Edward was obviously stunned and didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say so I just sat there quietly. Finally, after a few tense moments, the doctor cleared his throat. "Would you like to go see her?"

Edward didn't answer. He just stood up and pulled me close to him as he walked out of the office. We walked silently down the corridor and the doctor motioned for us enter the room before he turned and walked away. Edward and I stood there inside the doorway for a good 5 minutes just standing there….breathing.

I thought Edward was going to turn and leave when his body tensed in response to his mother's voice. "Edward?" It was weak and raspy but somehow familiar.

"Yes." It was the most vulnerable I had ever seen Edward and it reverberated through his single word.

"Edward, come on. We're late." Edward took slow cautious steps toward the bed. He stopped a step length away. In the bed lay a shell of a woman. Her hair was thin and unkempt. The shallows of her eyes were shaded purple and her lips looked dry and cracked. He body was thin and frail looking; her eyes distant and glazed over.

"Oh, there you are." Her smile was faint but genuine. "I've missed you. Now c'mon, we've got to go get Al and Eddie. What do you mean you haven't found them yet? You're so silly, they're at school. Let's go, I've missed them so."Elizabeth whispered. She turned her head to the side and drew in a deep labored breath, her eyes rolling back in her head. The whistles and dings from the medical equipment started sounding off, blaring loudly in the small room. With that two nurses came flying in the room, the doctor not far behind. They asked us to wait in the hallway. We could hear them calling out to each other things like DNR and v-fib. I'm no doctor but I've watched enough episodes of ER to know that Do Not Resuscitate and ventricle fibrillation is not a good thing.

We walked down to the nurses' desk and I could feel anxiety and worry falling off of Edward in droves. I tried my best to send him positive thoughts but there wasn't much I could do given the situation. Edward's eyes were trained on one of the monitors behind the counter. It finally hit me what all the jagged lines meant.  _Heartbeat._ It was his mother's heartbeat. We watched as the bumps in the line spread further and further apart until finally they finally ended and the line went flat.

Edward was holding his breath and I guess I was too because we both jumped and had to take a few quick breaths when the doctor touched his shoulder. "Son, I'm afraid it went faster than I thought. I'm sorry but your mother is gone."

"I know."

Edward didn't stay to discuss it. He turned, grabbed my hand and headed for the elevator. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I just followed his lead and walked out of the hospital. I thought we were going out to the car but we didn't stop when we got to it. Edward kept walking and I kept following. Beyond the parking lot, through a row of shrubs was a small garden. There was a sign there that said, "This garden is dedicated to the love of a wife and the grief of a mother" I wasn't sure what I should think about that but it didn't stay long in my thoughts. Edward walked directly to a secluded bench and nearly made me fall off balance when he spun me around so I landed in his lap. My legs were across his legs and his head was rested against my chest as his arms wrapped around my waist. I still wasn't sure what to do…until I felt his body shake. He was sobbing. Grieving for the mother he lost, not only today but so many years ago too. He opened his heart and showed me the depths of his love and loss. He wept into my chest and my heart broke for him. We stayed sitting there, silent, for a long time. Eventually his tears ended and mine shortly followed.

He pulled his head off my chest and looked into my eyes. His green eyes were red and raw with emotion. Even so, they were still the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. "Bella, I love you more than anything in the world but if anything ever happens to me, please promise me that you won't waste your life. Promise me you'll move on and make the most of it until it's  _your_  time. Promise me, please." Edward was looking directly into my soul. I knew what he was doing; he was begging me not to end up like his mother. I couldn't bear to say anything but "Okay".

I thought the funeral would break Edward, him being a pallbearer no less, but I was wrong. Esme and Alice both leaned on him for support. He was so strong. I was so proud of him. He really was a rock in a turbulent sea for me and his family.

Gran and Pop barely held it together but that was to be expected. I did what I could; fixing food for the hundred or so people that came to the house to show their respect. Elizabeth was buried next to Edward's father, no doubt she was finally happy to be next to her love again.

Edward and Alice visited the cemetery often. I chose to stay home. They needed that sibling connection when they went and I was always waiting at home with a shoulder to cry on for either one of them. It took the rest of the semester for the cloud of Elizabeth's death to lift and it came in the most surprising way.

'Well….I'm pregnant," Rose announced calmly during a visit over the summer. There was a moment of stunned silence. Carlisle and Esme shared 'the look'.

"And we are getting married in August," Emmett finished.

"So soon?" Esme choked out.

"Well, I actually proposed a while ago…before Rose got pregnant but it was around Aunt Elizabeth's death and we….well, we didn't think it was a good time."

"You couldn't even tell your parents?"

"There was so much going on, we decided to wait. We just want something small since I'm going to be showing then."

"What about school?" Carlisle asked, ever the concerned parent. "You still have another year left."

"We are both going to take courses during the second summer session and I'll still be able to attend during the fall semester. We can do this." Rose explained as she took hold of Emmett's hand. There was some fierce determination in her eyes and I knew without a doubt that if anyone could pull off school and motherhood it would be Rose.

"I'm going to be a grandmother!" Esme squealed. There was a round of hugs and giggles. Alice immediately jumped into planning for the baby shower.

The months leading up to the wedding were hectic to say the least. There were trips back and forth to NYC for fittings and such. Rose was putting her fashion education to good use and designing everything. Her dress, mine and Alice's bridesmaid dresses, Emmett's tux and Esme's mother of the groom dress.

Alice and I were both sharing the title of maid of honor, while Edward and Jazz were both standing up with Em as best man. Rose's parents were furious about her pregnancy but happy about her getting married and still finishing her education.

The wedding was held in Central Park with just family. We were all shocked that Rose didn't want something more lavish but she explained as long as she was marrying Em it didn't matter. It was a rather beautiful ceremony; Rose was absolutely radiant with pregnancy glow. Her specially designed dress accentuated her baby bump just right.

I don't think I'd ever seen Em happier. He even shed a few tears and always had a hand placed lovingly on Rose's belly. Rose and Jasper's parents didn't even bother to show for her big day. They bought her and Em an apartment instead. Rose didn't seem too bothered about it. "Esme is my mom; the one that matters anyways," Rose said.

After the wedding, Alice started pressuring Edward and I to set a date. She pushed and pushed, bringing in the whole family, including my mom. After much arm twisting we finally chose a day in December. The anniversary of the first time I told Edward I loved him; the day that I finally gave my whole to him.

We wanted to wait for the following year since it was so soon after Em's wedding but Alice overpowered us. I just wanted something small and simple. Rose was due around the beginning of December but she assured us that she and the baby would be standing at my side. We decided to steal Rose's idea and planned on dual maids of honor and best men.

As much as I had grown to love Chicago, I wanted to get married in Forks. My new life had begun there and I felt it was only fitting. The downside was Charlie would be certain to hear about it. We had not spoken one word since the day of our final fight. I hadn't even seen him since he stood in the back at my graduation. Oddly enough, I didn't miss him that much; at least not the man he was at the end. Edward tried to convince me to reconnect with him after Elizabeth passed away but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Charlie had died in my eyes and I couldn't accept the new person he'd become.

I let Alice take control of the planning. I made her promise up her first born child so she wouldn't go fucking overboard. The only thing I wanted control of was asking Emmett to walk me down the aisle.

Alice didn't object, in fact she thought it was the best idea of the whole wedding. Jazz even had to excuse himself from the conversation. He said he was going to get us some drinks but I swear I saw him wipe a tear as he walked toward the kitchen. Everyone knew what a big deal this would be to Emmett.

The wedding was all planned out; we were going to have a simple ceremony in the Cullen house. It was just going to be us, Gran and Pop, Renee and Phil a few old friends from Forks and a few new friends we'd made while living in Chicago. No more than fifty people.

All we were doing was waiting for the date to arrive….and watching Rose's ever-expanding belly in wonder. Emmett was so cute. He played the part of excited daddy to a T. Even though we were all separated geographically we all got together via webcam every Sunday. Em always started off with a belly shot of Rose so we could see how much the baby had grown. Of course, Rose didn't care. She was one of the lucky ones who looked like a toothpick with an olive on it. She had the perfect round belly with beautifully smooth skin. She was even asked to do some modeling in New York for a major maternity clothing company. I guess that's one thing her mother was kind enough to  _give_  her instead of buying for her, good genes for no stretch marks.

We all got together at Thanksgiving. Esme was in her glory. The kids were home; her boys were all happy and healthy and her girls were all uniquely busy; one about to get married, one coordinating everything and one about to pop. Esme had already converted one of the spare rooms upstairs into a nursery. She showed it to Edward and I before the others arrived. It, of course, looked amazing. It had the cutest bedding with little monkeys on it. I had to chuckle when Esme showed it to us. Rose used to call Emmett her "monkey man" all the time. I think it had more to do with their bedroom activities and less with his silliness as Esme claimed, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. The walls were a soft sage color with chocolate brown accents and little monkeys hanging from vines around the ceiling. It felt very warm and inviting. Esme, of course, had it decked out with every accessory and it very well could have served as a magazine layout in a Parenting magazine.

We heard the door open and Carlisle's happy voice calling out "My other boy's home! And, wow… Rose, looks like we're gonna have a  _very_  healthy baby." We were all anxious to give hugs to them and see the infamous 'baby-belly' so Esme gently shut the door and we headed downstairs. It was difficult getting close enough to Rose to hug her and we all had a good laugh over that. She sniffed out some of the goodies that Esme and I had been working on and made a bee-line to the kitchen. Emmett scooped me up in his usual fashion after hugging his mom and dad.

"Jelly Belly!" Emmett's voice went up to a preteen screech as he swung me around. "I missed you! Oh and you too, Edward." Emmett held me up with one hand and did the slap-grab-bump handshake with Edward. "Alice, you look amazing as usual." Emmett bent down and kissed her forehead.

I was giggling in a strangled breath kinda way. Finally Edward cut in, "Ah, Em? Are you going to put Bella down or will we need to get a new fitting for her wedding dress to include you?"

"Oh…" Emmett giggled and gave me one last bone crushing squeeze and a peck on the top of my head. "I guess I better go save the kitchen from Rose. She's been in rare form today. OH BABY? WHERE ARE YOU?" Emmett went seeking his Budda belly to rub and Edward and I went to sit on the couch.

"Edward? I want to ask Emmett now." We'd been putting it off because of all the excitement with the baby and the sadness with Elizabeth's death. Edward told me to wait…I think he was secretly hoping that I'd patch things up with Charlie but I knew that wasn't going to happen. "We are only about a month away from the wedding and I think he should have the chance to say no before the wedding day."

"Bella, he isn't going to say no. Are you sure you don't want to…"

"NO!" I interrupted him before he could even finish his sentence. "I want Emmett to walk me down the aisle and give me away to you." I climbed up onto Edward's lap and took his face in my hands. "I've always been yours but soon it will be official, even in the eyes of the law." We touched our foreheads together and stared into each other's eyes. Neither one of us missed the loaded reference to the law…Charlie. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella." He leaned forward and gave me a soft but passionate kiss.

"Hey, you two. That's how this gets started you know." Emmett and Rosalie walked into the living room. Emmett was walking behind Rose with his arms round her waist and his hands on her belly; even as big as he is, he couldn't reach all the way around her. Rosalie had a plate full of cookies and tarts and she was chewing on a leftover chicken breast from the dinner I made for the family last night. "Bella, mmmm, this is delicious. You really are going to have to come visit us for a week, or a month…or forever."

"I'll make you some freezer packs to take home with you. That way all Em has to do is heat them up. I'll hook you up girlfriend, don't worry. I can't have my niece or nephew getting subpar breast milk now can I?" We all laughed and Em and Rose took a seat on the couch next to us.

"Um, Emmett. There was something I wanted to talk to you about." I knew he wouldn't say no but I was nervous just the same. I wasn't sure if it would be too much to ask with the baby coming and all.

"Yeah, Jelly Belly. You know you can talk to me about anything." Rose didn't say anything; she just turned so she could see me better and continued to clear her plate.

"Well, I was wondering…if you would…" I swallowed and continued after a brief pause. "Walk me down the aisle at the wedding?" Silence. I waited a few seconds then looked up to try and read the expression on Emmett's face. I was expecting for him to be contemplating how to let me down easy. I was expecting him to, I don't know, be looking at Rose for assistance. But what I found was tears in his eyes and tears in Rose's eyes too. I must have had a confused look on my face because Edward finally broke the silence.

"Em?" That's all it took.

"Whoo HOOOO! I'm gonna give my Jelly Belly away at her wedding!" Emmett screamed at the top of his lungs. He jumped up and grabbed me up off Edward's lap. I swear he threw me in the air. Before I knew it I was swinging around and hearing the sounds of Emmett squealing. Rose was laughing and trying to get her pregnant ass up off the couch. Finally, Edward stood up and pulled her to her feet. Em, Rose and I were standing and jumping up and down like a couple of cheerleaders on speed.

After a few minutes we stopped and I wiped the tears off Emmett's cheeks. "So, is that a yes?"

"Of course it's a 'yes'. I'd be honored. You're as much of a sister to me as Alice is, Bella. I love you and I'd be happy to walk you down the aisle. Now GIVE ME A HUG!" We embraced in a three way bear hug until Edward ventured close enough to be brought in. There we stood; a great amoeba of love and happiness until Rose suddenly jerked us back to reality.

"Oww. Oh shit." The look on her face was absolute horror. We all backed away a bit and looked at her.

"Did I hurt you, baby?" Emmett's face was full of concern.

"No…the baby….I think…" Rose screamed for Carlisle and everyone came rushing in. "I think my water just broke." She seemed dazed. I noticed her pants turned dark from moisture. Emmett picked Rosalie up and took her into the den. Carlisle and Esme followed right behind him. Edward and I stayed in the living room, too concerned to talk about anything. The door flung open and Alice came rushing in.

"Are Emmett and Rosalie here? Is everything okay? I fell asleep on the way here from the airport and had a dream that Rose was in labor."

Edward and I just looked at each other, our mouths wide open I'm sure. "Well?" Jasper walked in carrying their bags and looking worried. "Is everything okay?"

"We're not sure. They just took her into the den." After a few tense moments, Carlisle came out of the den with a huge smile on his face.

"Looks like we're gonna have a baby soon." He went about collecting things he needed and directed Edward to go get his emergency bag out of his trunk. Emmett came out of the den like a monkey on crack.

"I'm gonna be a daddy. I'm gonna be a daddy, RIGHT NOW!" He came and gave us all a hug and stood in the doorway of the den and ran in place for a hot second before going inside. He was so damn cute. He'd been waiting for this moment for nine months now and patience was not one of his top qualities.

We were left to wait. I decided to continue cooking the turkey, I was sure everyone would be starving after the birth. An hour passed before Esme came out to give us an update. "Rosie is being extremely stubborn and refuses to be taken to the hospital. She doesn't want anyone but Carlisle touching her."

"So she's going to deliver in the den? That's not very sterile, is it? What if she gets an infection, or what if there is a problem with the baby?" I freaked, wringing my hands in worry. If anything happened to Rose, or the baby, Em would never survive it.

"Don't worry, love. Dad knows what he's doing. It wouldn't be the first home delivery he's performed," Edward assured me gently.

"Carlisle has already called the hospital. They are going to send and ambulance over just in case." Esme patted my hand and went back inside the den.

Alice paced, Jazz strummed absently on his guitar. I busied myself in the kitchen and Edward attempted to help. Even after all these years of being with me, watching me cook almost every day, he was still a complete loss in the kitchen.

Every now and then we would hear Rose's cries of pain. Carlisle had no sedatives in the house strong enough to help so she was going all natural. Hours passed. I took the turkey out before it burned and it just sat, going cold. We were all too preoccupied with Rose and the baby to worry about eating.. The hospital did send an ambulance with two paramedics; we invited them in and fed them. At least they got a hot meal.

Finally in the wee hours of the morning Rose delivered a very healthy baby boy. He weighed in at just over nine pounds. Carlisle and the paramedics immediately loaded mommy and baby into the ambulance. "Everything is fine; the baby just needs routine tests," Carlisle explained on his way out.

Emmett of course went as well and we followed. We all piled into the waiting room, suddenly wide awake. After about an hour we were allowed in the room. Rose looked extremely tired. The first time ever I'd seen her not perfect but she still looked beautiful. She was glowing.

Emmett was holding the baby, looking every bit the proud father. "Hey guys. I'd like you to meet my son, Carson Eleazar Cullen." The small bundle in his arms made a soft cooing noise. Holding Edward's hand, I peeked into in the blankets. Carson was adorable. He was a perfect mix of Emmett's brawn and Rose's beauty. He had dark curly hair and it looked like he'd be sporting Rosalie's sapphire eyes. He had the cutest chubby little cheeks and chubby little fingers.

"Oh, Em... He's beautiful," I whispered.

"Thanks Belly." Em's eyes were wet. They were full of pure adoration for both Rose and his newborn son. I left a soft kiss on Carson's forehead and another kiss on Em's.

"You're going to be a great dad," I smiled and Em returned it. I went and sat by Rosalie while everyone else took their turns fawning over the baby and congratulating the new parents. We stayed until Rose fell asleep.

"That's going to be us one day." Edward said on the way home. His tone was more of a question than a statement.

"Yup." My mind flashed back to my teenage pregnancy scare and the visions of our baby my mind had conjured up.

"I fucking love you. You are going to be a wonderful mother." He brought my hand to his lips for a gentle kiss.

"And you will be an amazing father, once you learn to control your use of the word fuck."

"Yea, okay. That's going to happen." He rolled his eyes. "I think our son or daughter will be extremely cute wandering around the house in his or her diaper saying 'fuck' over and over."

"I don't think so." I laughed at the image of a miniature version of me or him toddling around in a diaper dropping F-bombs.

The next few weeks were so fucking busy. Finals, the new baby, planning the wedding. Rose and Em decided to stay in Forks until the new semester started. Esme basically hogged Carson, leaving Rose almost unlimited amounts of free time, except for the time that he was strapped to her chest. He was Emmett's son so 3 hours was a stretch. But in between, Granny E was "bonding as a grandmother should" so Rose started assisting with the wedding and getting everything set up.

I was starting to get nervous; not because I was marrying Edward but because I was afraid of falling flat on my ass in front of everyone. Rose and Alice were ganging up on me, forcing me to wear heels. The plan was for me to walk down the main staircase to the giant living room where the wedding was taking place. Em would be waiting at the bottom and he would walk me down the aisle.

"I'm going to trip, tumble down the stairs and end up with my dress over my head and my ass in the air in front of everyone," I whined.

"No, you won't. We'll practice. Just hang on to the banister." Alice was starting to get exasperated.

"The only way I'm fucking wearing heels is if Em walks me all the way down the stairs. That way if I start to fall, which I  _will_ , he can catch me."

Alice took a moment to contemplate. "You know, that just might work."

As soon as the semester was over all of us, including Gran and Pop flew to Forks. There were fittings and flowers and cake tastings and a never-ending list of things to do. I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions. I was half tempted to just hand everything over to Alice but Edward stopped me.

"If you let Alice control every detail, we'll end up getting married in a grand ballroom in Seattle, with doves and a fucking carriage or some shit."

"Can't we just to Vegas?"

"I wish, love but we've got to give Em his chance to shine."

"Fine," I pouted.

Renee and Phil flew up a few days before the wedding. Our relationship had grown over the years, it felt like a mother and daughter relationship again. Renee loved Edward and considered him her son. She adored Em, in fact Em and Renee spoke to each other on the phone almost every week. She came to Forks fully loaded with baby clothes for Carson.

Everyone was concerned about the Charlie situation. He knew about the wedding, thanks to Mrs. Stanley who was still running her fucking mouth at the diner on a weekly basis. Rose ran into him once while she was running errands but he didn't speak to her. There was some worry that he would crash the wedding but I was sure he wouldn't bother. He hadn't contacted me in any way in all these years and even though he made quite the scene the day he took me away from Edward, it just wasn't in him to be dramatic.

The night before the wedding, Edward and I were forced to sleep in separate rooms. After all these years lying next to each other in bed, I desperately missed the feel of his body next to mine. We had not spent a night apart since the day I left Charlie's house. I tossed and turned all night.

I woke up to Alice jumping on my bed. "You're getting married today!" she shrieked.

I pulled the covers over my head and kicked my feet like an excited five year old. I couldn't help it. Today was the day. I would be officially his and he officially mine…forever. I threw the covers off and bolted out of the bed. I ran to look out of the bedroom window. For some reason I had this picture in my head of a light powdery snow on the day of our wedding. It certainly looked like my wish would be granted. There was an ever-so-soft flutter of fluffy white snow starting to trickle down. This was a good sign.

I couldn't help but smile as I walked down the hallway to my almost-husband's room. I slowly opened the door. "Goooood morning."

The bed was empty so I walked over to the bathroom door.

"Edward?" I knocked gently. No answer. I tried not to read too much into it but I couldn't help but feel my pulse quicken. My eyes focused on our already made bed and spied a note laying on my pillow.

_My dearest Bella,_

_I wanted nothing more than to see your face this morning but my cock-head best man came and kidnapped me in the wee hours of the morning. I wanted nothing more than to kiss your lips but my ass-munch of a brother decided that since Carson wasn't sleeping then neither should I and called my cock-head best man who then came and kidnapped me. I wish I could have said goodbye but cock-head and ass-munch are standing over me as I write this. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I can't wait to call you my wife. You already have my heart but soon you will have my name. See you at our wedding!_

_Heart and Soul,_

_Edward_

My Edward.

Alice came in and tore me away from my love note. "C'mon Bella we have SOOO much stuff to do. Your hair appointment is in a couple of hours. I think there might just be something waiting for you downstairs."

I couldn't keep the squeal from escaping my lips. Alice and I flew down the steps, hand-in-hand, like two kids at Christmas. I barely made it to the bottom of the stairs when I spied them; three dozen long-stem red roses. It was the biggest bouquet I'd ever seen. The beauty of it brought tears to my eyes, actual tears. There was a note here too.

_My dearest Bella,_

_Roses are red_

_My love is true_

_In case I never said it,_

_I can't wait to marry you_

_7 more hours-Edward_

Again, a tear. Alice's smile made me laugh at myself. Esme came over and gave me a big hug. "I made you a bride's breakfast. Not too much for the nerves but enough to keep your belly quiet during the I do's." I put my arm around her waist and we all walked into the kitchen. Rose was there holding Carson and being so incredibly maternal. Motherhood really did suit her well. There was no chance this baby would ever get money instead of time. He was a lucky little boy to have such a great family around him, and I am so lucky to be a part of it.

Shortly after we ate, I was whisked upstairs to get dressed in my button up shirt and escorted out to the car to head to my hair appointment. Rose got in the driver's seat and I shot her a confused look. "Alice has some 'things' to do and Esme needs some Carson-time. He'll be good for about three hours. I think dairy heifer runs in our family." Rose buckled her seatbelt and I got a very good view of exactly what she was referring to as the seatbelt parted Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa (the Hawaiian volcanoes were the first things to come to my mind to describe them. They were just as impressive.) Em must be a happy man.

I sat there like a good little girl while my hair was primped and primed and generally made a fuss over. Rosalie wouldn't hear of anyone but her doing my make-up and I wouldn't have it any other way. She did an amazing job. If I wasn't the one controlling the movements, I might not have ever recognize myself. Rose actually got a little misty. "Fucking hormones." It was all that was said, all that was needed.

I couldn't wait to get back to the house, back to Edward. Although, I was pretty sure he wouldn't be there. The men in this family are far from traditional, except where weddings are concerned. I wouldn't see Edward again until I was walking down the aisle. Alice came out and met us at the car. I stepped out and she gasped, holding her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Bella! You look amazing!"

"Thanks." I couldn't look her in the face, I didn't want to cry. I never knew this day would be so emotional. Happiness…pure happiness. Alice walked with me to the door and made me cover my eyes as she opened it.

"Okay, look at your wedding."

I opened my eyes and it was like something straight out of a Brides magazine. The entire living room and staircase were decorated in white roses and white satin with deep red accents. It was perfect. The chairs were covered in white satin with red roses etched on them and soft twinkling lights were hanging from the ceiling. It was beyond my wildest and most romantic dreams. Alice took me around the living room showing me all the spectacular details.

"Oh Alice…thank you," I said with a hitch in my throat. "It's gorgeous," I wrapped Alice into a hug.

"You're welcome. I'm just glad you approve. I was afraid you would think I went overboard…."

"No Alice. It's absolutely perfect," I squeezed Alice again and released her.

"Good, my first born is safe then. Let's go get dressed." Rose was upstairs waiting for us. She was already dressed and ready to go. Alice got ready next saving me for last so they could both help with my dress. The bridesmaid's dresses were both red strapless satin gowns with a matching satin wrap that tied in the back. Both of them looked amazing. Alice never looked less than exquisite and you never would have guessed that Rose recently gave birth. She'd been hitting the gym twice a day since Carson was 3 days old. Guess that pays off because she looked like a super model again…only with much bigger boobs. That was the only part of the dress we had to have altered. I thought they were going to have to sew in a panel for crying out loud.

Red was the only color we could all agree on. Originally, I wanted either black or purple bridesmaid's dresses. Alice tried to convince me to go with a light pink or a silvery-blue but I put my foot down. There was no way in fucking hell Edward would go for a wedding with blue or pink in it.

Finally, when Alice and Rose were done primping they helped me into my dress. It was an amazing strapless white dress with beaded detail and a ribbon of red trim along the top of the bust and all around the bottom. I felt like a fucking princess or something.

"You make a beautiful bride B," Rose complimented. She turned me so I could face the full length mirror. I was every bit the blushing bride. My eyes stared to well. "Damn B, don't cry. It'll ruin your makeup."

A few final touches and voila…I was done. My mom and Esme both came in to share the love. "Nervous yet?" Renee asked as she dried the tear in the corner of her eye.

"No. Well…I'm nervous about falling flat on my face but other than that...no," I smiled up at my mom. "I've never doubted my decision to marry Edward. I have no reason to be nervous."

"You always were more mature than me. I was a wreck when I married your father  _and_  when I married Phil," She sighed. "I wish you a wonderful life with Edward. He's perfect for you."

"Thank you mom." We shared smiles and with a pat on the cheek she turned to leave to take her spot downstairs. I was getting anxious to see my Edward again. I didn't have to wait long. Soon after my mom left, Emmett knocked on the door.

"You ready to officially become a Cullen, Jelly Belly?" He was dressed in a black tux with a white cummerbund, sans the tie. Edward refused the bow ties. It was a struggle just to get him into the cummerbund. His was red to match the trim of my dress. Jasper was dressed to match Em and waiting in the living room with Edward.

"I've been ready for years, Em." He laughed and despite Alice and Rose's protests he grabbed me and swung me around in typical Em fashion.

"Let's get this thing moving. I have a Bella to give away." We all lined up at the top of the stairs and Alice gave the cue for the music. The music started, and Rose walked first, slowly making her way down the stairs. Once she reached the bottom, Alice went. We waited until they were both standing at the altar.

"You ready?" Em whispered.

"Yes." He kissed me lightly on the top of my head and we began our descent. For a moment it reminded me of Edward and my first date when I was escorted down the stairs by Jasper. Amazingly, I reached the bottom stair without a trip or a missed step. Of course my eyes were trained on each stair as my heeled foot stepped down to it. Finally, I was safe and secure on flat ground.

That's when I looked up and saw Edward. He was standing in front of everyone, dressed in his tux, his shirt unbuttoned at the top since there was no tie. I don't think he ever looked more handsome. Everyone else melted away. All I could see was my Edward waiting for me. Emmett and I continued our journey down to the altar. When we finally reached Edward I could see a smile on his lips and tears in his eyes.

I barely paid attention to Em saying his lines giving me away. My hand was in Edward's and that electric pulse that kept me alive when I needed it was the strongest it had ever been. We repeated our lines, forever being bound to one another. Never losing eye contact.

The minister cleared his throat, catching our attention. "I…uh…I said you can kiss the bride." Everyone giggled at the fact we completely missed the final part. Edward grabbed me and dipped me backwards, laying a passionate kiss on my lips.

There was a round of applause and the minister presented us to the guests. "It is my pleasure to present to you the new Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen." The musicians played the traditional wedding processional as we walked back down the aisle and into the den. There we greeted all of our guest and stood for pictures and congratulations. Edward's hand hardly left mine the entire night. The reception was in the living room as well, Alice had caterers all coordinated to move the chairs and bring out tables and the food while we were in the den. I barely ate a thing, though I heard many compliments on the food. I was too excited.

The drinks were flowing but since there was Carson and other children around no one got seriously drunk. Everyone was relaxed and having a great time. It was perfect.

Toward the end of the night, Edward got up with his guitar in front of everyone and sang the first song he ever sang to me. Everyone cheered; most people there had never heard him sing before.

Finally, I was ushered upstairs to change; we were leaving for our honeymoon. Alice and Rose had already taken the time to pack some bags for me. We were actually going back to Friday Harbor for the third time but this time we were going alone. We could have gone anywhere in the world, it was Carlisle and Esme's wedding present to us, but we felt that Friday Harbor was the perfect spot. It held such a special meaning to us.

After a quick goodbye to our friends and a longer goodbye to our family, we took off. The drive was a nice break from the craziness. Edward held my hand in his as he drove, absently stroking his thumb over my fingers. "You're mine now," he whispered.

"I've always been yours. Before I even realized it, I belonged to you."

"But now it's official. I will never leave you. No one will ever try to take you from me again."

"Nope. I'm yours forever. You're stuck with me, even if I get fat from having kids, or old and gray and wrinkly. Even after I'm all hunched over with a walker and I have to turn the volume all the way up on the TV and I fall asleep at the table during dinner with drool running down my chin."

"Wow that's a sexy fucking image you put in my head on the way to our honeymoon. I didn't even think about all that. Shit…can I take it back?" he smirked. I playfully shoved his shoulder.

"Fuck you! It also means that I'll be stuck with you even after you can't get it up anymore and you have ear hair and false teeth and a prosthetic hip."

"Sounds like I'll still be hot." We both laughed and he brought my hand to his lips for a soft kiss. "I don't think I'll ever have a problem getting it up with you."

"We'll see."

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you too, Mr. Cullen. Forever."

After the honeymoon we returned to Chicago to finish off school. We were surprised to find out that while we were in Friday Harbor, Alice and Jasper flew down to Vegas and eloped.

"I single handedly planned two weddings within months of each other. I need a break." she explained.

Esme was upset but understood. Rose and I were a little hurt that we didn't get to stand up for her as bridesmaids. "We'll renew our vows in front of everyone, but after things calm down a bit. I have graduation parties to plan now and I should get a head start on Carson's first birthday." Alice stayed true to her word and planned amazing parties for all the events.

After their graduation, Rose and Em decided to move to Seattle. Em got a great job teaching history and coaching football. I thought Rose would want to stay in NYC and become a fashion icon but motherhood changed her whole world. She stayed home with Carson and started designing more stylish maternity and baby clothes. She was actually a hit in Seattle and most of the local retail stored picked up her clothing line.

Once the four of us finished school, I was offered a position at a restaurant in Port Angeles. We wanted to stay as close to Forks as possible. Esme never expressed her true feelings but we could see that she missed her children terribly.

Alice and Jazz followed us to Port Angeles and found an apartment down the street. Alice continued her art and was featured in a gallery in Seattle. She never had a set job, just randomly did artwork and graphics for business, schools, and the local theater group. Every few months or so she would sell a painting. Talent like hers doesn't come cheap and she had a laundry list of people waiting for one of her pieces.

Edward and Jasper were a little lost at first, not knowing what to do with their music degrees. They gave music lessons for awhile, played back up for an unknown band or two. It was around six months after moving back to Washington, that Edward's friend Jesse contacted him.

Jesse was still working at the music store but he and a friend were renovating an old building and turning it into a club. They wanted Edward and Jazz to help them out. It was just a hobby at first, something they did in their spare time but it eventually turned into a real job. They both helped run the club, booked new and unsigned bands; did promotional work, they even played there on occasion. Eventually Edward and Jasper bought out Jesse and his partner and became owners of the club. It was definitely a hot spot in Port Angeles and was packed from open to close.

Edward was ecstatic to be making a living off his music. We were both doing what we loved, we had our family close. Renee came to visit every few months for the weekend. I was completely happy; it was like a fairy tale.

Less than a year after being in Seattle, Rose announced she was pregnant again. "It's a girl," she glowed. We watched her grow her perfect round belly again. She was around seven months along when she and Alice came to visit me at the restaurant for lunch. I gave the kitchen over to my assistant and went out to the dining room to sit with them.

"What's wrong B? You like a little green," Rose asked.

"I'm okay. Just feeling a little nauseous. Edward tried to cook for me the other night. I haven't felt right since." Rose patted my hand but Alice was eying me suspiciously. Suddenly her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You're pregnant," she spouted out.

"W-what?" I sputtered. "No...it's just the food...I…" I froze, thinking back over the previous weeks.

Holy. Fuck!

I was pregnant.

"Oh my god. I'm pregnant!" I squealed. Alice and Rose jumped up and drew me into a group hug. The lunch ended soon after that, because Rose and Alice made me go to the drugstore and buy a test. Alice insisted that I use the store's bathroom and we all huddled into the handicap bathroom stall together, staring at the tests.

"I can't believe you made me pee on three sticks," I chided.

"It was buy two get one free, it's a bargain," Alice beamed.

"How long has it been?"

Looking at her watch, "It's been one minute,"Rose answered, chewing her lip in excitement. "But you know, when I first took a test, it was positive before I could stop peeing on it."

"Can I look now?" Alice asked, jumping from foot to foot.

"No! I have to be sure. We wait three full minutes," I said in a huff.

That was the longest three minutes in my life.

"Someone else look, I don't want to be disappointed if I'm not pregnant."

Alice squeezed my hand and bent to get a closer look, "I see a plus sign."

"A plus sign?" I asked. "Are you sure?"

"YES! All three tests have plus signs! Oh my god, Bella you're pregnant!" Rose and Alice started to jump up and down, hugging me in the process.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered to myself.

I wanted to tell Edward as soon as possible. I raced over to the club. He was sitting on stage during a sound check for the band that was playing that night. He saw me come in and smiled. I walked over to him as fast as I could, willing myself not to just blurt it out. He could tell something was up before I even opened my mouth.

"What's wrong, love?" He hopped off the stage and ran to me. "Are you alright?"

"Edward. I'm pregnant." I couldn't contain myself. Everyone was watching but I didn't care.

"What?…How?…Are you sure?" Seriously, how? Why do people ask how you got pregnant when they know HOW you got pregnant? He was present for the whole thing; he shouldn't have to ask "how".

"All the signs are there…Alice just pretty much confirmed it."

"Alice…" He trailed off. The realization spread over his face. "I'm gonna be a dad," he wrapped and arms around my waist and swung me around. "You hear that everyone? I'm going to be a fucking dad!" He shouted to everyone in the club. A cheer went up and there was a round of drinks given out. Except for me, of course. "I love you so fucking much Bella…" he murmured in my ear. "…you  _and_  our baby."

"I know. I love you too," I whispered back. The whole family was excited. The following months were a blur. Rose gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Natalie Elizabeth. Alice and Jazz renewed their vows so everyone could attend and then announced at the reception she was pregnant with twins.

"A boy and a girl. I can tell," she rubbed her belly.

My belly swelled; I wasn't lucky like Rose, to look like I just swallowed a cantaloupe. You could definitely tell I was pregnant. Edward called me beautiful every day, showing my belly off to anyone that would look at it. "My wife, my baby," he would say.

Finally, the day came. Edward and I were lying in bed, watching lame made for TV movies. I had a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream propped on my stomach. My back had been hurting all day but I thought nothing of it. Then I felt it, the sudden pain and a feeling like I wet my pants. "Edward. It's time." His eyes grew wide and he flew around the room searching for the hospital bags that were already packed and waiting by the door. I laughed at him as he put his shoes on the wrong feet, freaking out about getting me to the hospital in time.

"How the fuck can you be so calm?" he asked.

"I'm in labor, trying not to focus on the pain." He let out an exasperated sigh and helped me to my feet. I called Alice and she passed the word to the whole family and made sure everyone knew where to meet us. As soon as Carlisle got there he took over, making sure I was comfortable. I liked my doctor but I loved Carlisle. It was an arrangement we had made when I attended my first OB appointment. Any OB that couldn't deal with Carlisle would be dealing with me.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the stories everyone felt the need to share with me over the previous months. Yes, it was painful but it was also so worth it. It took me all night and Edward was by my side during the whole thing. Early in the morning, our daughter, Carlie Marie Cullen was born.

She was gorgeous. Auburn curls that matched her father's. Her eyes were that standard baby blue-grey color but darker than most. I could easily see them turning brown like mine. She was perfect, in every sense of the word; cute and pink and pudgy and warm, and ours.

She had Edward wrapped around her tiny fingers as soon as she made her first gurgled cries. He was putty in her palm. She was definitely going to be a daddy's girl.

Renee flew up within hours of Carlie's birth and gushed over her grandchild. The family stayed for most of the day, fawning over Carlie, talking turns holding her. She looked minuscule in Em's arms. He was so soft and gentle with her. He had a long talk to her about how he was her Uncle Emmett and how he would always be there to protect her and kiss her booboos and swing her around. It was adorable. I think Rose got it all on video. I'm sure Carlie will have a much better appreciation for the talk when she is a little older. We were all having a great time until there was a gentle knock on the open door.

Charlie.

Edward saw him after me and reached for my hand. The other's followed our gaze and the conversation abruptly stopped. There were a few mumbles of 'excuse us' and they all filed out of the room.

"Do you want me to stay?" Edward asked, his eyes still on Charlie.

"No, it'll be fine. Here, give me Carlie." Edward passed Carlie slowly into my arms and kissed both of our foreheads.

"I'll be in the hallway." he said, directed more at Charlie than me. He left but didn't shut door completely. There were a few minutes of awkward silence before I decided to speak.

"What are you doing here, Charlie?"

"I wanted to see you…and my grandchild," he said, his voice low and unsure. He looked older. His hair and mustache were speckled with gray. There were lines around his eyes and his shoulders slumped a bit.

"How did you know where we were?"

"Your mom. She kind of ripped me a new asshole this morning."

"You deserve it."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I really did."

"You missed our wedding." I said accusingly.

"You didn't invite me." Charlie shrugged. He leaned against the wall, trying to seem casual but failing.

"I didn't think you'd come if I did." More silence. Carlie let out a soft coo, distracting us both.

"I was there you know."

"Where?" I was confused.

"The wedding. Well…I was parked outside; trying to figure out of if I should try to come in or not. I didn't want to cause a scene on your big day. I wish I could have seen you. I bet you looked beautiful."

"You should've been there.  _In_  the wedding, not outside sitting in your car like a coward. You should've been at my college graduation. You should've been there, like Renee was, when Edward's mother died. You should've been there to congratulate me when I got hired at the restaurant." I raised my voice at the end of my little speech, causing Carlie to jump in my arms. I took a deep breath and continued. "You've missed a lot Charlie. It's been six years and not so much as a fucking phone call."

"It's a two way street Bella. We both did and said things we need to apologize for. I admit I was a complete asshole and a sorry excuse for a father but you were my little girl. I just couldn't let go. I felt I needed to protect you."

"I didn't need to be protected from Edward. He saved my life. He loved me when I thought no one else would. He's my world."

"I know...I should've done things differently. I should have seen…I'm sorry Bella. I'll understand if you don't want to forgive me but please…I just want to be a part of your life and Carlie's life too. My grandfather was the best part of my life. I want to be that for her too." Charlie reached over and gently stroked Carlie's soft curls. Something about the way he looked at Carlie, the hitch in his voice, and the sadness in his eyes melted my heart.

"I can't forgive you over night."

"I understand. Take your time. I can be patient." He fiddled with the zipper on his jacket. Charlie was never a nervous person, I never knew him to fidget. He was really trying. Carlie gurgled and I realized that no matter what bad blood there might be between me and Charlie,  _she_  was the most important thing and she deserved a complete family.

"Would you like to hold her?" I offered.

"Ummm…yes. I would like that very much." He walked over slowly and gently lifted Carlie out of my arms. One look was all it took. Charlie was her's . He grew all misty eyed as she wrapped a small hand around his index finger. Charlie didn't stay long but I did promise him that as long as he apologized to Edward's face, he would be welcome in our lives.

"I'll do whatever it takes, Bella. Just let me know what it is and I'll do it."

"I will. Thank you…and for what it's worth…I'm sorry too." He nodded, placed Carlie back into my arms kissing us both gently on the forehead and quickly left the room, most likely before his emotions got the better of him.

Edward came back, making his way to my bed and curling up on the bed next to me and Carlie. "Things okay with Charlie?"

"I think they just might be. It will take time but yeah…I think it'll all work out." Edward threaded his fingers through mine and I leaned my head on his shoulder. Carlie was sleeping soundly snuggled safely between us.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep again, Love." Edward whispered into my ear.

"Why?" I opened my eyes and raised my head to look deeply into his.

"Because all my dreams have already come true. I have you, forever, and now we have her." Edward stroked the back of Carlie's hand with his thumb. "Everything's perfect."

"Yeah, it  _is_  pretty perfect, isn't it? Thank you Edward… for Carlie, for everything."

"You're welcome, Love, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. You've given me far more than I could ever repay just in this little bundle of wonderful." Edward's eyes were gazing lovingly at our daughter. It was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye.

We brought our foreheads together and eased into a peaceful sleepy silence. And for the first time since I met Edward Cullen, I was completely optimistic about my life…every part of it.

**THE END**


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